I had done so well for so long. I did 2yrs of therapy with a psychologist. I spent 2 yrs exercising on a daily basis, counting calories, watching what I ate, and I lost weight, I wasn't skinny but I felt healthy, happy and most importantly I felt in control of my eating and hopeful for my future! I urge to binge was there, but I felt in control of it.
Then I got pregnant last year. I was so lucky I had the most amazing pregnancy! There was no urge to binge at all! When I was hungry I ate, when I wasn't I didn't. All I craved was veggies, I ate raw salads every day! Portion control wasn't even issue, I could hardly finish my plate. Everyday I thought to myself "this is what it must feel to have a NORMAL relationship with food!" I was complimented every day on how beautiful I looked. I never had to buy maternity clothes, I hardly gained a pound. When I gave birth I instantly weighed 10lbs less than I did pre-pregnancy.
Fast forward 5 months - it's all back. The lying, the hiding food, the bingeing, the paranoia, the out of control eating, and worst of all now I weigh 5lbs more than I did 9months pregnant. And even though I'm breastfeeding it doesn't help with weight loss because it causes my appetite to be HUGE! I hate myself, I hate what I see in the mirror. Nobody even notices me anymore, no more compliments everyone just looks at how cute the baby is. Don't get me wrong, he's a cutiepie! But I want to exist too.
You know, coming here and fessing up to all of us took a **** of a lot of courage. The honesty in your post is amazing. I hope you take credit for that.
I know you have read it here a thousand times but I will state it once again. This is absolutely a journey--YOUR journey. There is NO magic number to get down to xxx number of pounds by xxx date.
You sound like you know what to do. After all, you have done it before and with great success. I am glad you are enjoying your baby. Now, it's also time to put mom back on the page to enjoy her own life too.
ETA: Check your local area for stroller exercise classes. Also, sometimes roller rinks will have skate times with baby. Surround yourself with moms that LOVE fitness and wellness as much as yourself.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 11-28-2011 at 09:14 AM.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Not everyone is lucky enough to crave vegetables during pregnancy. I am in my third and it is just as much a battle as my first. I can't tell what is a pregnancy craving and what is my compulsive overeating. Being a compulsive over eater is a disease. It is not your fault. I have been on both sides of the coin, anorexic and over eater. There is science behind why we do the things we do. We are addicts. I was fortunate to go to a treatment center that based their program on the science beind eating disorders as well as focusing on recovery on every aspect, emotional, physical, and spiritual. There is a really good book called the Anatomy of Food Addiction. Pretty much there are people who are predisposed to eating disorders, just like there are those that are predisposed to becoming drug addicts and alcoholism. Products that contain sugar and flour react in our brains just like heroin in a heroin addict body. It raises our serotonin levels and endorphin more than it would in a "normal" person.
There are also other aspects, such as childhood experiences and how the family views food.
I was unlucky enough to have a mother that had an eating disorder and never got help for it, she still struggles today but acts like she is normal and nothing is wrong with her. She didn't feed my brother and I properly. My family also viewed food as a reward. Having children of my own, now I have to be very careful on my parenting and how they see me using food. I am already scared for my daughter who is 22 months. She is super sensitive and when she is upset or feeling insecure, she wants my breast (i have become a human pacifier) or now she asks for food. I usually give her the breast still because I know she is trying to self sooth, like my son did with the pacifier, or give her water.
I know some days feel hopeless and out of control. I just left my husband of three years and I am pregnant with no job. I know how it feels to have everyone looking at you as if you can do anything when inside you feel like you are falling apart and they have no idea how each day is such a battle for you. Today is my first day at trying again. I also notice with myself that if I don't focus on all four aspects of the disease, I tend to fall apart eventually. Those being Spirituality, exercise, rest, and food plan or S.E.R.F. I hope this helps, all I can do is share my experience with you. Hugs and best wishes.
Thank you for the support all, it feels good to be back in the community here it was a great support system for when everything was 'working'. Everyone in the world seems to accept eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia are normal but most people don't even recognize compulsive overeating is an actual eating disorder. People think that overweight people are just lazy and weak-willed but quite the opposite is true. I'm a perfectionist and I have accomplished so much in my life through hard work.
I will be heading back into therapy soon, it did help before and I hope it will help me again.
aww hun, I did NOT have a great pregnancy, but I can identify with your pp feelings. Sounds like your preg. hormones gave you something you really needed. I pray you find out what that was. My preg. gave me gestational diabetes.
on another note, we can get cured in the sense, we learn how to cope better, but the basis for our actions is still there.
I definitely relate. I got good grades in school, speak Spanish quite well, am pretty ambitious career-wise, so it really bothers me when people assume my binging is a sign of laziness or no willpower. I used to think everyone had a binge every now and again, but because I was fat it was okay. Two days ago I ate until my stomach ached. That's disordered eating, just like other types of eating disorders.
I have been emailing Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Weight Watchers, and several Women's mags about the truth, there is no "cure" for overeating, a person can try hard to get and keep control, but that is about it. And overeating is a definate eating disorder. Why wouldn't years and years of every kind of diet known to man have worked by now? Why don't the "experts" see and pay attention to this? All the constant nagging and ragging on overweight people, calling it a National Obesity Epidemic, article after article, blah blah blah, none of that has made a difference, in fact, it's made it all worse! Overeating has nothing to do with people no "knowing" how many calories/fats/carbs are in their food, and forcing restaurants to make a change in their Menu's is ridiculous. It's all just lip service, pretending on the part of the government to change people, as if just telling us something will make it so. Addiction is what it is, pure and simple. Why are the powers that be so stupid?? Could it be that the weight loss business is a billion dollar business?? Too many businesses would suffer if we all just ate fruits and veggies, never ate out again, bakeries would go under, half of all the grocery stores would be useless, etc. Makes me mad! Can yah tell?
I thought I was cured - but I'm back
