Weight Loss Support - Do you get blamed for being "too" obsessive with weight loss?




InsideMe
11-23-2011, 09:08 AM
So my GF doesn't live with me but she does stay over every now and then (mostly weekends where I do slack a bit on my eating plan but not much, I mostly try to make healthier choices if we go out to eat) So she stayed with me last night and this morning I'm packing my food for the office. She looks at my breaksfast and goes "what's that?" I reply "non-fat cottage cheese with strawberries, blueberries and some Lean Kashi cereal" then she goes "Your becoming way too obsessive with this weight loss thing. You weigh everyday and now your eating cottage cheese???" Well I got ticked and said "I want to take care of my body and I enjoy eating healthy, I love cottage cheese"

But it really bothered me. I'm hearing it all the time, I'm too obsessive. Yes I weigh everyday but it keeps me accountable and I don't take my weight seriously until Friday, that's my official weigh in day.

Are any of you being accused of being obsessive? To the point where people think what your doing is bad? Or unhealthy? Or crazy? Cause that's what I'm feeling now. Just becuase I don't want a McDonald's sausage mcmuffin for breaky anymore, I'm obsessive????

Where's the support?


sacha
11-23-2011, 09:16 AM
I see two sides of it.

One, that it really is obsessed and some formerly overweight people go completely to the other extreme and end up severely underweight with eating disorders.

Second, and probably the most common, is that people are just threatened by change. Friends are worried their friends won't socialize around food anymore, family worries irrationally that someone is harming their health, and spouses, most often it seems, worry that their partner will leave them after the change.

Sorry she is not being more supportive- perhaps she doesn't understand that it's normal to eat cottage cheese etc. or threatened by change.

CyndiM
11-23-2011, 09:29 AM
Yes, I heard it a lot the first year or two. Now people have just gotten used to it. I suppose some don't hang out with me as much. When I was obese and unhealthy I definitely felt a bit guilty when I was with someone who was very careful about their choices, so I do understand it.

All the free advice was also annoying. I especially loved people who told me they thought I'd lost enough, especially people who hardly knew me :dizzy: It even took awhile for my DW to reframe it from bony to muscly but we got there :)


InsideMe
11-23-2011, 09:54 AM
I think it's the latter. She is totally threatened by change. She is always saying I'm going to be hot and skinny and want another girl. But I'm so not like that I LOVE HER!

I also think it's beause her doctor is on her for losing weight cause she's on high blood pressure/high cholesterol meds now and she just can't seem to do it, plus seeing me do it just for the mere fact that I'm sick of being overweight and unhealthy just reinforces her insecurities.

I guess I'm going to just have to ignore the "your too obsessive" comments. I have had eating disorders in the past and I know in myself I'm not back to that place, maybe that's why she's so worried? I'm not counting calories etc (cause that does trigger me) I just keep it healthy and notice when I am full and watch portion size.

It's also a lifestyle change that's effecting our relationship too. I'm not sitting in front of the tv pigging out on chips with her anymore.

Thanks for the other perspective ladies. I was SO MAD this morning! LOL, I am finally taking care of me, which I put off for so long.

amethysthm
11-23-2011, 10:03 AM
I guess I'm the same way I count calories daily and I weigh myself everytime I pass the scale, which is a lot.... It's not bad to be a little obsessive but if you are like me I have become extremely obsessive and as was said in an earlier post I have found myself having early signs of an eating disorder.... I know I shouldn't do what I do but the army says I'm fat so I gotta do what I gotta do.... Keep eating well and enjoy your Thanksgiving.

twinieten
11-23-2011, 11:27 AM
I'm not sure where making healthy breakfast choices is obsessive, but OK.

I guess in order to lose weight effectively, you have to be somewhat obsessive. You have to have a means of measuring and determining portions and losses. You have to have some knowledge of foods and calories, which takes some investigation and learning, which amounts to time. You have to think about what's available to you, and make better choices. This takes thought. So yes, immersion in to weight loss when you are serious about weight loss is necessary!

Changing your behavior from what you were like when you met has to be intimidating. Especially since you are slimming down and she knows she needs to. I hope she will learn from you and try to do the same, and I hope you will continue doing what you're doing. You look amazing so keep up the good work!

I weigh myself every day too, for accountability. For me, it keeps me focused and on track. I record my weight daily, but my official day is also Friday.

As of now, in my case, people are interested in how I'm losing weight and they haven't accused me of being obsessive. They think I'm cute when I ask for nutritional information or base my orders on calories. They think weighing and measuring is complicated and "they can't do that" but they don't put me down or say anything bad about the fact that I do. I'm still heavy, so I guess it's "acceptable". It seems to me that the thinner you are, the more "obsessive" you become in others' eyes. The same is true the closer you are to someone who may be struggling or who is resisting change, as in your case.

MusicalAstronaut
11-23-2011, 11:30 AM
I've gotten that too! From my friends and my boyfriend. It pisses me off SO MUCH. I was out with friends a couple days ago and they said they think I should stop losing weight. Yeah...at the time we were in Banana Republic and I STILL can't fit into a single thing in there. Why the h*** would I stop losing weight? My boyfriend has said it to me a couple of times too. I think he says it because he's tired of hearing me talk about it and we live together. Well, you're just going to have to hear me talk about it, because it's going to be like this for the rest of my life. Counting calories/exercising is what I've been doing, and when I get to where I want to maintain I won't just stop. Otherwise I'll just gain it all back. /end rant.

I totally empathize. :/ It sucks. I wish instead of people telling me I'm obsessive and I look SO DIFFERENT (as in, holy sh*t you were fat before) and that I need to stop, maybe they could tell me they're proud of me and to keep going?

So, InsideMe, *I* am proud of you! Keep the good work up! :)

Esofia
11-23-2011, 11:37 AM
I think anyone would find this upsetting, and even more so if they had a history of disordered eating. Maybe tell her that your tastes have changed and you've found that you really enjoy healthy food now, it's about pleasure as well as weight control? That said, I think you're better off when you don't allow yourself to be baited. (Oddly enough, I've been having the equivalent of this discussion in a disability forum this week - how to deal with people who are always coming up and asking nosy questions. Suggested responses are snaffled from all the great things people said in that forum!) "Cereal, fruit and cottage cheese," would probably have worked better in this situation, as it doesn't go into too much detail and doesn't stress the non-fat/lean side of things. It describes it just as food, rather than as a diet.

If people continue to ask personal questions about what you're eating, then it's time to turn it round to them and say, "Why are you asking such personal questions about my food?" or if they're being really pushy, "I really can't see how this is your business." A friendlier version is, "It's really not that interesting. Now, tell me about what you've been up to this week?"

I am very much working on this myself, as I find it hard not to start justifying myself and obediently answering all questions when people start aggressively questioning me about subjects I've been guilt-tripped over for years.

Unna
11-23-2011, 11:43 AM
I also hear the constant chiming in of people telling me to stop losing.

I'm still the biggest normal size pant. I'm just saying, I am not skin and bones.

In my life I've told one person they should stop losing. That person had just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and was becoming anorexically thin to try and win back his love somehow.

In every other case, I've never told anyone to stop.

Something about losing weight makes you the hero and the pariah of the group - both at the same time. As if there is some sort of primitive mechanism that kicks in when they see one of their group members losing weight. First, you are the hero because you show a strong control over the self. That quality is seen as superior.

But then, the primitive instinct also moves the group to tell you to stop. Your weight loss could signify sickness and death (subconsciously).

Or it is a matter of competition.

Interesting to think about.

Esofia
11-23-2011, 11:45 AM
And anyway, how often do people actually follow advice they're given to lose or stop losing weight? Very occasionally, yes, but most of the time it just irritates them and can even exacerbate unhealthy eating habits (in either direction).

Expunge
11-23-2011, 11:55 AM
I love cottage cheese... I ate it all the time even when I was gaining weight.

Mimzzy
11-23-2011, 02:14 PM
My mom is guilty of telling me I take it to seriously. When I go to her house for dinner and grab my usual small portions and glass of water she will tell me that I need to have "fun" with my life. I constantly have to remind her that having "fun" with food made me overweight to begin with, her answer that this always has something to do with calling me anorexic.

One night she asked me to explain why I was working out twice that day. It was simple to me, I did not have time to get in a full work out before I had to leave my house so instead I did 30mins and would go back home and do the remaining 30mins... It's only 1hr in total. Completely normal! She tried to lecture me and told me this was the starting of anorexia and a exercise addiction.... I believe that my weight loss simply makes her uncomfortable and that's whats causing her to think my behavior is abnormal. She has been over weight for as long as I can remember, I remember her doing work out videos and being on diets and she would never stick to them. I think it bothers her that I have accomplished something that she hasn't been able to.

I'm with you though, all her accusing and calling me names just bugs the crap out of me. I wish she would just support me through the entire journey but we have to be strong for ourselves and just keep plugging away!

sept15lija
11-23-2011, 02:31 PM
OH yeah I've had tons of people tell me I'm taking it too far. Which is ridiculous, I am still on the higher end of normal for BMI for my height...I am far from skin and bones. Never my DH, but lots of people I know casually from church or whatever, have felt the need to actually pull me aside and tell me it was "time" to stop. Seriously people?? I can't even imagine telling anyone anything about their weight. It's their business! And one of my best friends had a mini intervention with me because she thinks I'm obsessed. For me, maintaining my weight and losing weight take vigilance. This is a price I am very willing to pay - after living pretty much my whole life in an obese body, I am most definitely not going back - so yes I am going to stay on track. And as for enjoying life? I am enjoying the heck out of life, even without eating 3000+ calories most days! :) Sorry I guess you hit a button for me!! haha

princessgina00
11-23-2011, 02:38 PM
Oddly enough, I received this comment from my nutritionist. She said that keeping my food diary was becoming too obsessive and that she would like for me to be at a point where I can just estimate portion size and the amount of calories I've consumed in a day. I was all like, "Say whaaaaatttt?!? (internally, of course)." It's great that some people may be able to achieve this point, but I know for certain that this will never be me. I tried to guesstimate my calories for years and was never able to lose weight. My food diary keeps me accountable and reminds me in black and white why or why not I have or haven't been able to lose weight that week. Is it a somewhat obsessive activity? Sure. But, I need it and if she wants me to stop it, she'll have to pry it from my cold, dead, thin hands! :p

Esofia
11-23-2011, 03:29 PM
Yeah, I get that from doctors occasionally because I keep symptom diaries for my madly complicated medical condition. Apparently we're meant to keep all this highly complex information in our heads and just work with it that way. How on earth does your nutritionist think you've managed to lose close on half your body weight? With a bit of optimism or something? I've found that a good doctor will appreciate it when you're keeping notes on this sort of thing, although it doesn't hurt to present them with the simplified version. Of course, it's entirely possible to treat this obsessively and do yourself psychological harm, but then it's possible to take anything to an obsessive level and do yourself physical as well as psychological harm too, even something like a relaxing hobby. Just ask any quilter!

I waited a month into my weight loss before buying a scale, because not everyone with ME/CFIDS is able to lose weight (turns out I was one of the lucky ones). My clothes were noticeably looser, so I bought a scale, and by this point I'd read the Hacker's Diet (an odd intro, not the worst though) and decided on daily weighing. My partner jumped a mile when he saw me hop on that scale for the second day running, and he was really worried that I'd get obsessive. I explained that I wanted to do this by focusing on overall trends rather than individual weights, and felt that daily weighing was the best way to do this, but I promised that I would switch to weekly weighing if it did turn out to make me obsessive.

GlamourGirl827
11-23-2011, 04:13 PM
YES!!! Sometimes it bothers me, and other times I don't care. I've found that if I get right to the root of the issue, the offender stops.
Most of the time, if someone would say we were obsessive, I think our natural reaction is to defend ourselves..No, I'm not...I'm trying to eat healthier...and even saying something like I had a slice of cake at Aunt Mary's birthday just yesterday Like somehow we have to justify we aren't obsessive by proving we still eat crap...

Now I get right to the point. I ask them what is lacking in their life to be so concerned with my eating habits. I point out I'm a healthy weight (or moving towards if, if not there yet) and they are not. (Most commenter seem to be over weight themselves...) I tell them that what might seem obsessive to them, is actually a healthy way of eating, and it sad that they are so brainwashed either by an up bringing that did not instill healthy eating habits, or a society that pushes food to make a profit, but either way they are wrong, and they can feel free to go educate themselves on health and nutrition and come back and continue to make their point about what is health and what is actually obsessive (like an eating disorder).

Cold, I know. But I have had enough with people thinking they are entitled to make comments on my body and my choice of eating. My body and eating AND exercise habits have suddenly become a topic that everyone feels they can put in their 2 cents about, since my weightloss has become noticable.

However, I'm sure my family still talks about it when I'm not around. I can't stop that, but at least I don't have to hear it!
Sorry to hijak this thread! Just wish I could have been there to tell your friend to not call you obsessive when you are doing such a great job changing your life for the better!!

InsideMe
11-23-2011, 04:20 PM
YES!!! Sometimes it bothers me, and other times I don't care. I've found that if I get right to the root of the issue, the offender stops.
Most of the time, if someone would say we were obsessive, I think our natural reaction is to defend ourselves..No, I'm not...I'm trying to eat healthier...and even saying something like I had a slice of cake at Aunt Mary's birthday just yesterday Like somehow we have to justify we aren't obsessive by proving we still eat crap...

Now I get right to the point. I ask them what is lacking in their life to be so concerned with my eating habits. I point out I'm a healthy weight (or moving towards if, if not there yet) and they are not. (Most commenter seem to be over weight themselves...) I tell them that what might seem obsessive to them, is actually a healthy way of eating, and it sad that they are so brainwashed either by an up bringing that did not instill healthy eating habits, or a society that pushes food to make a profit, but either way they are wrong, and they can feel free to go educate themselves on health and nutrition and come back and continue to make their point about what is health and what is actually obsessive (like an eating disorder).

Cold, I know. But I have had enough with people thinking they are entitled to make comments on my body and my choice of eating. My body and eating AND exercise habits have suddenly become a topic that everyone feels they can put in their 2 cents about, since my weightloss has become noticable.

However, I'm sure my family still talks about it when I'm not around. I can't stop that, but at least I don't have to hear it!
Sorry to hijak this thread! Just wish I could have been there to tell your friend to not call you obsessive when you are doing such a great job changing your life for the better!!

Can I take some of your direct attitude!! I SO NEED IT! It's actually my partner (my girlfriend) that's making the comments. Would you still be that direct? I don't wanna hurt her feelings.......but your right. It is the commenter's issue, NOT MINE. I LOVE your response! LOL I might just print it and pull it out of my pocket to recite next time I hear I'm being obsessive.

GlamourGirl827
11-23-2011, 04:48 PM
Hmmm, a partner is different. I apologize, I thought you ment a someone that was just a friend. If my husband were calling me obsessive, I wouldn't plow through his self esteem the way I would someone else. I see a couple as a team, and each has a bit more of a place to express concern for the other. I would try to educate her. Since, this is someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with and you need to keep communcation open. Verses a friend, that if someday you parted ways, it wouldnt be as big a deal. But if anyone else ever says the same thing, school them! :D

MariaMaria
11-23-2011, 05:47 PM
It's also a lifestyle change that's effecting our relationship too. I'm not sitting in front of the tv pigging out on chips with her anymore.

Is this mindset playing out in the relationship? That's not just what you eat that you're talking about, you know?

InsideMe
11-23-2011, 06:49 PM
Is this mindset playing out in the relationship? That's not just what you eat that you're talking about, you know?

Yeah I think it is. I just don't know where or why or what it is?

twinieten
11-23-2011, 08:30 PM
Well said, GlamourGirl!

Jadeybaby
11-26-2011, 12:36 PM
People tell me I've gotten obsessive. I admit I have and I don't think it's a bad thing. I have to be a little obsessive about weight loss because being too "relaxed" got me fat in the first place. Maybe our loved ones don't realise that it's OK to be a bit obsessive? (I am not talking about having an eating disorder just being very vigilant with new healthy habits and sticking to that)