These two mothers have goals to be the fattest women in the world. Both weigh an astonishing amount. I know Donna at least says she wishes to be 1000lbs. Of course they are two women who are highly critized for this, especially because they are mothers. I don't agree with them whatsoever, but I am so curious as to what makes these women so acceptable to their failing health. I'm all for loving yourself, but part of loving yourself to me is taking care of yourself. I just wanted to hear your opinion on them. I feel sorry for them because they were probably teased all their lives and instead of turning themselves onto a more healthier, positive route, they chose a more "F*** it, I'm already fat anyway" route and exploit themselves. It's no different from watching someone kill themselves. And worse of all, their kids are watching their mothers' suicide. What doyou all think of this?
I feel bad for their children. Having such an unhealthy goal is setting such a poor example. Also, being so unhealthy - who is to say they will even be there for their children in a few years.
On the other side of this: I have a friend who was always a big girl -- 250ish, 5'6". She had gastric bypass surgery and something went wrong. She is now an alcoholic -- a very skinny alcoholic. She thinks she looks great, but her health is destroyed. She has two beautiful daughters, one whom will fight her weight. From my perspective, it looks like her message to her daughters is "It's better to be dead than fat." I hate it for that family.
What I find ironic is that there are so many "acceptable" (or at least, far less unacceptable) ways to express what seems to be a deathwish.
Just a few lifestyle choices that are more tolerated, or at least ones which will receive a higher sympathy to disgust/disdain ratio:
Starving yourself to be the thinnest woman on the planet
Being sexually indiscriminate
Indiscriminate abuse of illegal (or legal) substances
Engaging in extremely risky physical activities as part of a hobby or religion (whether it's handling poisonous snakes or unregulated bungee jumping or driving motorcycles or cars at extreme speeds).
I believe that it's only our cultural hatred and comtempt for fat that makes this more shocking or horrific to most people than thousands of other irresponsible and dangerous goals (many with a higher statistical chance death or dismemberment). It's ok to risk your lives (and even your children's lives) if you do it in admiral, acceptable or at least common ways).
Living dangerously, and even raising children to witness (or even participate in it) isn't an especially shocking event. In fact, in many cases it's even admired (a mountain climbing, sky diving family, circus families who tame lions or wrestle alligators together - How inspiring!? Toddler extreme cage-fighting, just good wholesome fun).
Where obesity is concerned, there's such a horrific double standard. Our cultural belief is that we hate obesity because it's "unhealthy" but we don't hate unhealthy slimness to the same degree. And worse, it's often less acceptable for a fat person to be seen doing something about their health, than doing nothing.
I've noticed throughout my life that it's not when a fat person is seen eating unhealthy food or doing things that promote obesity that they are verbally harassed and made fun of, it's when they are doing things that are healthy or at least "normal." As if it's bad to be fat, but it's worse to be fat and not feel bad enough about it... to have the audacity to feel you're entitled to what normal folks are entitled to, like dancing, or dating, or kissing, or bicycling, or swimming.
And I do find it horrific that of all the weight loss tools that a person could use, only surgery is covered by insurance, truly reinforcing the idea that it is better to be dead than fat, especially since the earliest weight loss surgeries had the highest mortality rates of any elective surgery, and in fact, the fatality rate was second only to open heart surgery (not an elective procedure, whatsoever).
I'm not saying wls shouldn't be an option, but why is it the only one covered by insurance? (I know the insurance companies will say it's because it's the only "proven" method, but why hasn't there been more research done on less dangerous options. Why hasn't the substance abuse model been pursued with more intensity? Why as a culture, were we willing to make the mental jump from weight loss clubs like Weight Watchers to surgery, without making steps at in-patient treatment and supervised living/half-way houses.
Would we have been ok with making the leap from AA and Narcanon meetings to brain surgery as an addiction treatment, without exploring the other options? Would we even today condone brain surgery for substance addiction (when chemical castration and brain surgery for sex offenders is so controversial that it's usually illegal even when the person asks to have the medication or procedure).
I think our hatred of fat makes obesity seem a far worse social "sin" than so many truly lesser things. It's not a rational disdain for harmful behavior, it's so much deeper.
If obesity were treated as a physical disease or illness, instead of a moral failing, I think we'd stop seeing and treating fat folks as lazy, crazy, or stupid.
Ironically (as occurred with drug abuse, alcohol, gambling, and sexual addictions), until the shame and social stigma is stripped away, I think the failure rate for weight loss will continue to be higher than the success rate.
I think these women's stories are far less shocking to me, than the fact that in most places, it's still socially unacceptable for a fat woman to even be seen in a swimming suit (especially since swimming is one of the easiest and safest places for obese folks to get exercise).
I find it more shocking that it's socially unacceptable to "see" and discuss obesity (our own, as well as that of people we love). "Fat" is seen as such a bad word, that when I weighed nearly 400 lbs and used the word to describe myself, I was told "You're not fat!" (My response was to laugh so hard, I nearly peed myself).
I think these women's stories are far less shocking to me, than the fact that in most places, it's still socially unacceptable for a fat woman to even be seen in a swimming suit (especially since swimming is one of the easiest and safest places for obese folks to get exercise).
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What a thoughtful and articulate post Kaplods. Thank you.
Amen. To this and everything else you've said. Moreover, I know that fat-stigma has made it more difficult for me to get to an emotional place where I can consistently lose weight; to seek medical care that I require; to exercise in ways I enjoy the most that are the best for me. And that overcoming that for myself has also helped me lose the weight.
Donna Simpson and Susan Eman
