Weight Loss Support - "But you don't need to lose weight!"




Zoseph
11-14-2011, 05:26 PM
I'm SO SICK of hearing people tell me that when I mention that I'm trying to lose weight. Yes, I could be much larger than I am, but I am overweight and I want that weight gone. I can't tell if they're just being nice when they say that I don't need to lose weight, or if they genuinely think I look good at the size that I am, but either way I wish they would just congratulate me on my efforts and move on. It's hard for me to explain why it bothers me so much, but it does, and I was wondering if other people have the same or similar frustrations?


ShanIAm
11-14-2011, 05:50 PM
Yup, I get it. I used to interpret it to mean they think I am just wasting my time trying to lose more weight when I look just fine where I am. OK, yeah -- but YOU don't have to shower with me in the morning and YOU don't have to see me naked in the mirror. We have similar stats so I totally get where you are coming from.

I used to let it annoy me in the beginning too but I just learned to shrug it off and I convinced myself that they are only paying me a compliment. Because, most likely, that is exactly what it was. Except for a few friends who all of a sudden weighed more than me so you have to consider the source!

BUT, here's the danger in accepting those comments -- you might one day think to yourself, "Well, you know. Maybe they are right and maybe I did lose enough weight and I should take a little break or maintain?".

But squash those thoughts when they show up. Just stay on YOUR plan and get to YOUR desired weight. And 120 for your height is just perfect in my opinion! :D

Zoseph
11-14-2011, 07:00 PM
Those comments do occasionally make me question my quest to lose weight, but then I look in the mirror and I'm not convinced at all! I simply can't be ok with being the weight I am if I don't think I look good, even if others do.

130 is my maximum weight goal, and 120 is my ideal. If I love the way I like at 130 then I'll stick with that, but I think that 120 is perfect, and thank you for saying so!


madmadz
11-14-2011, 07:03 PM
I hate when people say this to me. It seriously gets under my skin.

twinieten
11-14-2011, 07:18 PM
I take it as a compliment. Of course, where I am, compared to those of you who have already posted before me, I'm a lot bigger. For someone to think I look thin enough to not need to lose weight is flattering. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop working towards my goal, though, because I don't think I look good yet.

ShanIAm
11-14-2011, 10:07 PM
130 is my maximum weight goal, and 120 is my ideal.

When I got to the low 130's I was very happy. My dream goal is 124 (because I want to say I am in the "low 120's", lol, but I'd be just fine at 129. Just want to get out of the 130's! For me, and maybe for you, is that all my extra weight is isolated to one area. It is not evenly distributed. If it were, I'd probably be ok where I am now. But because it's all on my hips and thighs, it is more noticable.

Well, anyway, keep up the awesome work!

JohnP
11-14-2011, 10:24 PM
Most everyone who has been dieting long enough has heard this and the closer you get to your goal weight the more you will hear it.

Solution? Don't tell them you're dieting or if you're the snarky sort tell them that they're probably right but if they want any tips to drop a few pounds you're happy to provide them. :D

ChickieChicks
11-15-2011, 09:08 AM
It is an annoying comment!

I think we, especially Americans, see large people everywhere, everday. A nation of obesity! Being overweight is now the new norm, and when you lose weight, it becomes more pronounced when the majority are still overweight. Couple that with a strong desire from most people to achieve what you have, and you get annoying comments!

CorinneIrene
11-15-2011, 10:47 AM
I hear you! I had about the same stats when I started. People were always trying to push food on me, "stop dieting", etc. But I could look in the mirror, I could feel how unhealthy I was, and I could see the scale. I never said anything about "dieting" to anyone (really, not a diet) and eventually the comments went away.

Do it for you! You'll feel so wonderful when you get there, and really enjoy the journey! Every day gets better and better, even with the missteps.

ShanIAm
11-15-2011, 11:53 AM
....if you're the snarky sort tell them that they're probably right but if they want any tips to drop a few pounds you're happy to provide them. :D

Ah JohnP, always a sure thing for a laugh! :D

ARPerry87
11-15-2011, 12:14 PM
I hate those comments! I get those from my family all the time! And for a while I accepted it and just went with the "maybe I don't need to lose weight" mind set, and I gained it all back. I was pissed. So, go with what you want to do. Don't let anyone else tell you that you don't need something.

As for me, I come from a long line of really tall people, so to them, that weight was fine, but for me, it makes me chunky since I'm not six foot.

Ryler832
11-15-2011, 12:27 PM
I get those comments from my friends all the time. They THINK I don't need to lose weight because some are heavier than I am. The ones that aren't don't want me to lose weight because they don't want to be fat friend. I take those comments with a grain of salt. It's your body and you decide what is best for you.

kimicat76
11-15-2011, 12:40 PM
i had that happen the other day! a lady ive known for about 3 yrs was asking if i lost weight. i said yes and then she said you dont need to lose anymore. i said are you kidding i still need to lose some. she said maybe 20 lbs but no more because you will look sick >.> take in mind shes like 5'9" and rail thin. i want to at least get into the 140s and im in the low 180s high 170s now

sontaikle
11-15-2011, 12:55 PM
Considering that I was 200 pounds and 5'3" I didn't get this comment when I first started losing weight. I get it a lot now though and it does get annoying. I ignore it quite a bit at this point as arguing with people just isn't worth the aggravation.

I don't tell anyone that I'm still trying to lose weight, but I do get a lot of people saying "Don't lose anymore!!" because it's easy to SEE that I'm still losing.

I can't really even argue that I'm still "unhealthy" like I used to :joker: I'm one pound away from a healthy BMI, but within a healthy weight range for my frame size.

I think as some have argued that people want to feel better about themselves. I find that quite a lot of people are threatened by my weight loss and often feel the need to justify their weight to me. Honestly this confuses me as I could really care less as to what other people weigh. I figure it's their business and wish that people would extend the same courtesy to me, which doesn't happen unfortunately.

cherrypie
11-15-2011, 01:03 PM
take it as a compliment. Or if they are really thin as them being threatened by you encroaching on their territory.

and be glad people aren't saying something like "thank god you are losing weight you big cow" :lol:

runningfromfat
11-15-2011, 01:09 PM
You know, I really question if these people who are telling others not to lose more weight really do it for selfish reasons. It's really hard to know what someone is thinking without taking a peek inside their head. ;)

There's a lot of other explanations for it too:

- They aren't used to seeing people at a healthy weight anymore. 2/3 of the population in the US is overweight. IF you were to exclude the younger crowd I'm sure that number would increase even more. So people in a healthy BMI range are the minority and could certainly look too thin to some people.

- It's also hard to understand in terms of clothing. I know I also wonder what in the world the smaller girls are wearing because as of right now I'm still 17lbs overweight and am wearing 8-10's. We're so trained to think women that are a size 2 or in XXS are anoerexic but in reality they's probably at a pretty health weight (obviously, this depends on the person) due to how much larger all the sizes have gotten. I know in high school I wore a size 8 (obviously a very different size 8 then I'm wearing today!!!), which probably translates to about a 4 now-a-days and I was nowhere near underweight at the time!

- They might think it's a compliment or say it as a joke.

- With as much attention that eating disorders are given in the media some people do associate diets with eating disorders. They might have had friends and/or relatives who did a number of fad diets/severely restricted eating to maintain a certain weight and they are just seeing it through this perspective

- They're not upset that you're losing weight but they're upset that they aren't. Nothing wrong with that. I've been that friend before. I never made me dislike my friend who was losing weight but it did make me upset that I hadn't figured out what worked for me yet.

cherrypie
11-15-2011, 01:18 PM
I think they are just being polite really, either you say the person is fine the way they are or you agree they have to lose weight. It's really a no win situation in a lot of ways.

sontaikle
11-15-2011, 02:07 PM
- It's also hard to understand in terms of clothing. I know I also wonder what in the world the smaller girls are wearing because as of right now I'm still 17lbs overweight and am wearing 8-10's. We're so trained to think women that are a size 2 or in XXS are anoerexic but in reality they's probably at a pretty health weight (obviously, this depends on the person) due to how much larger all the sizes have gotten. I know in high school I wore a size 8 (obviously a very different size 8 then I'm wearing today!!!), which probably translates to about a 4 now-a-days and I was nowhere near underweight at the time!



I'm wondering this too. I wear smalls and mediums and sizes 4 and 6. Where are the really skinny/small girls shopping?

I'm at the overweight/healthy BMI line right now, so I really wonder where the girls at my height who are well into the healthy BMI range are shopping! I know I can never get down to the beginning of the healthy BMI range due to my frame size (unless I really do want to starve myself), but I'm worried about going down into it more and finding it difficult to shop!

Which, honestly, would make life interesting because I would have gone from one difficult size range (plus size) to another :joker:

I don't really think it's a valid fear. I'm almost pretty certain I can't get any smaller than a 4. But, you know, it's crossed my mind.

But still, the clothing sizes I'm getting into make it seem like I'm "done," when I'm really not.

runningfromfat
11-15-2011, 02:17 PM
I'm wondering this too. I wear smalls and mediums and sizes 4 and 6. Where are the really skinny/small girls shopping?

I'm at the overweight/healthy BMI line right now, so I really wonder where the girls at my height who are well into the healthy BMI range are shopping! I know I can never get down to the beginning of the healthy BMI range due to my frame size (unless I really do want to starve myself), but I'm worried about going down into it more and finding it difficult to shop!

Which, honestly, would make life interesting because I would have gone from one difficult size range (plus size) to another :joker:

I don't really think it's a valid fear. I'm almost pretty certain I can't get any smaller than a 4. But, you know, it's crossed my mind.

But still, the clothing sizes I'm getting into make it seem like I'm "done," when I'm really not.

:yes:

I have this issue too. One of my mini-goals was to fit into a size 8. Well, I have a pair of Levi's size 29, which translates into a size 9. They fit just fine and I'm pretty "eh" about it. When I say size 8, I have the picture in my head from high school. Then I had about a 28" waist and was 140lbs, I still have a ways to go for that! :lol: I'm definitely not done yet but it can appear that way. :shrug: So that means my new mini-goal, has to be what? A size 6? 4? 2? Those numbers just seem way too small even if they really might not be. ;)

MustardFan
11-15-2011, 02:20 PM
People don't tell me I don't need to lose weight. I assume that's because I need to lose weight.

Zoseph
11-16-2011, 09:23 AM
I'm wondering this too. I wear smalls and mediums and sizes 4 and 6. Where are the really skinny/small girls shopping?

I'm at the overweight/healthy BMI line right now, so I really wonder where the girls at my height who are well into the healthy BMI range are shopping!
Yes! I've recently started to be able to fit into size small for certain dresses and even shirts, and I'm in the same boat as you in terms of BMI. If I lose 20 more pounds, where exactly am I going to find my clothes? Baby Gap??

luciddepths
11-16-2011, 10:35 AM
One thing i noticed about people who COMMENT like this are larger themselves or a have a few they need to drop. I remember watching people before when i was heavier thinking Ohhh their sooo skinny! but now that i'm smaller than them? i see them as a lot bigger.

Riesz
11-16-2011, 12:26 PM
I got plenty of comments like this from family while I was home visiting a few weeks ago. Most of my family is overweight/obese and live unhealthy lifestyles and constantly tried to push unhealthy food at me while I was home. I wish they could be supportive instead of trying to undermine me working so hard to live a healthy lifestyle and trying to avoid so many of the health problems they deal with because of obesity. :(

Beach Patrol
11-16-2011, 02:08 PM
I'm SO SICK of hearing people tell me that when I mention that I'm trying to lose weight. Yes, I could be much larger than I am, but I am overweight and I want that weight gone. I can't tell if they're just being nice when they say that I don't need to lose weight, or if they genuinely think I look good at the size that I am, but either way I wish they would just congratulate me on my efforts and move on. It's hard for me to explain why it bothers me so much, but it does, and I was wondering if other people have the same or similar frustrations?
Can you be straight forward with people? If so, then perhaps try this response:

"You know what would really be helpful? If you could simply say "good for you!" - yeah, that would be helpful! Okay? Thanks!"

MariaMaria
11-16-2011, 02:32 PM
One thing i noticed about people who COMMENT like this are larger themselves or a have a few they need to drop.

Conversely, when I've gotten this from people who I objectively know are small, I know it's time to maybe take a hard look in the mirror.

I find it really valuable to have woman friends who aren't sensitive about discussing weight in actual numbers. Seeing thin women whose scale weight is, say, 130-something begins to normalize numbers that we've been taught are high.

sontaikle
11-16-2011, 04:23 PM
:yes:

I have this issue too. One of my mini-goals was to fit into a size 8. Well, I have a pair of Levi's size 29, which translates into a size 9. They fit just fine and I'm pretty "eh" about it. When I say size 8, I have the picture in my head from high school. Then I had about a 28" waist and was 140lbs, I still have a ways to go for that! :lol: I'm definitely not done yet but it can appear that way. :shrug: So that means my new mini-goal, has to be what? A size 6? 4? 2? Those numbers just seem way too small even if they really might not be. ;)

I'm at my goal size...but I know I'm not done. This isn't the picture I had in my head when I visualized myself at a size 6, but I didn't know that size 6 wasn't as tiny as I thought it was.

How far should I go? Size 2/4? Just size 4? I don't know. I'm just going to keep going until I'm happy and hope that I can find clothes in the process. :?:

I do have people saying "You're wearing a size 4! You're done!" but I just hit a healthy BMI this morning and it's clear I have more weight to lose.

Yes! I've recently started to be able to fit into size small for certain dresses and even shirts, and I'm in the same boat as you in terms of BMI. If I lose 20 more pounds, where exactly am I going to find my clothes? Baby Gap??

After talking to my really skinny friends, shopping in the kids section seems to be a regular occurrence for them...

I honestly had no idea. I just assumed they were 0s (or 00s) or something like that.

Can you be straight forward with people? If so, then perhaps try this response:

"You know what would really be helpful? If you could simply say "good for you!" - yeah, that would be helpful! Okay? Thanks!"

Lol! I love this! Awesome response!

Harriette
11-16-2011, 06:28 PM
When I got to the low 130's I was very happy. My dream goal is 124 (because I want to say I am in the "low 120's", lol, but I'd be just fine at 129. Just want to get out of the 130's! For me, and maybe for you, is that all my extra weight is isolated to one area. It is not evenly distributed. If it were, I'd probably be ok where I am now. But because it's all on my hips and thighs, it is more noticable.

Well, anyway, keep up the awesome work!

ShanIAm I was getting worried about you having dropped off the site! Glad to see you did not get too far off before coming back!

OP: People LOVE to say "don't lose any more weight!" but really its up to you to decide where you are happy. People started saying that to me 20 lbs ago. Obviously too skinny is unhealthy and eating disorders are a whole other ball of wax but those aside, just smile and say "Thank-you, I've been working hard at this" or somethings like that and move on.

MermaidAtSea
02-08-2014, 02:43 AM
What's weird is that only super skinny women say this to me. Men (and thicker women) never say it. Which makes me wonder if it's a jealousy/ competition thing...

kelijpa
02-08-2014, 09:40 AM
Just a quick note to consider, people who are not used to seeing you at this size might comment that you don't need to lose weight because they are seeing the difference between the way you used to look and now.

Once they get used to you at your new size, like after you've maintained for a year or so, they won't see that difference and just see you as the size you are not the difference. They won't make those comments.

That's been my experience anyway.

Loved JohnP and Cherrypie's comments, being a re-gainer I was glad that I didn't get the comments "you now need to lose weight" except from one guy I worked with, but we won't get into That...:lol:

Best of luck to you, don't let negativity seep into your life, just accept that some people feel the need to tell you what to do and do your own thing.
:sunny:

novangel
02-08-2014, 04:28 PM
Don't tell people you're planning to lose weight, or more weight.

EVERYONE around us is overweight. For most people, someone of normal BMI appears "too skinny" and someone who is overweight appears normal. I see a lot of bashing via internet on pics of women who are athletic build saying they are "anorexic" which really grinds my gears. Perception is very skewed.

I still have work to do but I'm not going to tell people, last time I did a woman at work chimed in saying not to lift (10p) weights because I will bulk up and was telling me how to spot reduce. :lol: I nodded and politely changed the conversation. Too much misinformation out there.

Arwen17
03-06-2014, 05:44 PM
Everyone but my perfectly thin mother thinks I don't need to lose weight. My mom has always been very direct. "You're fat." she tells me with a straight face. But I didn't decide to do anything about it until now.
I grew up in the midwest. So most people are fat and therefore they don't see you as fat if you're just overweight instead of obese.

Hamoco350
03-07-2014, 12:51 PM
I definitely don't have this issue right now since I'm morbidly obese and almost always have been, but my (sometimes) workout buddy/best friend/aunt has definitely had people tell her she "doesn't need to lose THAT much" or "you don't need to lose anymore weight!" I know it has bothered her so I wanted to comment for you.

I feel like, since you are striving for self improvement, your focus should be only on your goals. While I haven't had people tell me I don't need to lose weight lately, when I lost 93 pounds (long story, my blog has the deets) I was told I needed to stop. Because of my frame, I looked smaller than I actually was. I still weighed around 213 pounds and a few people were telling me it was time to stop. See, the thing with people is always this: They think they know more about you than they actually do.

They think they know what you're good at and bad at. They think they know how healthy you are based on what you eat around them, your weight, etc. You just have to push past that, do your own thing, and show them what you're capable of. Of course, you should never strive to only prove people right/wrong, but if you simply focus on what YOU want to do, that's usually what will happen. Block out that negativity and move forward.

LittleMissWarhead
03-07-2014, 12:57 PM
Does anyone else get ticked off when a family member or friend hears your weight loss goal and says "Well that's too thin!" and my goal is like 130 and I'm 5'2 that's almost pushing it for a healthy bmi that's almost overweight lol

Radiojane
03-07-2014, 01:31 PM
Our harshest critics are ourselves. People will see nothing but how good you look, not how far you have to go.

Most of the time they mean well. I get it all the time from one friend (and believe me I'm nowhere close to goal). But we've so stigmatized weight that she thinks it's nicer to lie to me about my unhealthy size than encourage me getting to a good one.

bargoo
03-07-2014, 01:34 PM
I never tell anyone I am dieting. If someone happens to say are you losing weight. I say yes a little and change the subject.

Skettihead03
03-07-2014, 02:28 PM
Being that I'm 311 lbs, I don't get this comment. But I do get a lot of other rude, intrusive and inappropriate comments about my weight loss. What I am doing wrong, what I should be doing, my food choices, my exercise. It's ridiculous. I actually just wrote a post about it. People in general don't know they are going over the line sometimes, which is why they think its OK to comment on our weightloss. Really I think people should keep their opinions to themselves unless they were asked for them.

Sassyblonde
03-08-2014, 06:11 PM
It's so interesting what people say when you've lost a lot of weight. I want to lose 15-16 more pounds. People say slow down or you're skinny you don't need to lose anymore. Some people are shocked to see me. I have to be able to let all the comments roll off my back. I know very clearly what I want and how to work for it. Their comments are a reflection of their own issues and insecurities. I cannot let what people think and say affect me anymore. Even my husband said I should slow down and not work so hard (that's all tangled in his insecurity). I say ignore it, keep your eye on the prize and keep going..give no thought or power to the things people say.

kaybee1
03-09-2014, 05:23 PM
UGH, that's so annoying. The worst when the person who says it is actually obsessed with their own weight and you literally weigh 80lbs more than them - just shut up!! Don't try to be nice, if you can be crazy about your fitness, so can I! Let me admit that i'm fat and that I need to change and that I desire a different weight than what I am now. I don't need YOU to tell me I'm "OK", when a scale and a comparison between you and i would tell otherwise...

** above rant due to one of my coworkers saying just this...

SouthernMaven
03-09-2014, 05:48 PM
I've had people say it to me before and I always took it as a compliment.

If you know what your goal is then others' opinions shouldn't matter to you at all. I say - don't sweat the small stuff! :)

hiddenstar
03-09-2014, 08:28 PM
This is why I don't tell any one. If they say something, just respond that you are just exercising more or you had a big previous meal. That's why I so like this to forum, I get the support here from those that understand. It's harder but I don't have the home support.

thisisart
03-10-2014, 11:11 AM
"But you look great! You'll be emaciated if you lose that much weight! You just need to work on your self esteem"
These are the majority of the comments I have gotten, some of them are meant with good intention, but I also think people have a hard time adjusting to the idea of you being different. People know me as a "voluptuous" girl, and they have a hard time thinking of me as a thin person. Too bad for them!

Dottington
03-10-2014, 11:39 AM
I never mention my weightless efforts offline except to my best friend and boyfriend. But I've even stopped talking to them about it a lot. But I still get these comments all the time and they are very annoying and make me feel unattractive.
I think it stems from several reasons(as others have mentioned) including people not used to seeing you at a lower weight, people's own insecurities, and sociological changes on what is perceived as a normal weight. Lately I've been getting the "if you lose anymore weight you'll look sick!" comments and "you're so skinny! I hope you don't plan on losing anymore!" :dizzy: I just reply "Oh ok, yeah thanks" and brush it off or just smile and laugh and change the subject.

Paulitens
03-10-2014, 01:04 PM
Haha! I wish people told me that. LOL. I SO obviously need to lose weight that people don't even say that to me as a white lie.

simalvin
03-10-2014, 08:41 PM
I've been in a similar position where people seem to be jealous of your success. They are being people, thinking of themselves and not of someone else's achievements. It's all about ego.

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