Weight Loss Support - Have you ever just given up?

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11-10-2011, 01:11 PM
It's been a while since I posted here, though I'm always around lurking.

My weight loss is, and has always been, very slow. It's taken me over a year to lose these 55 pounds. And for the last 3 months, I haven't lost anything.


My weight bounces around between 313 and 317, but never ever to 312. Though, since I was overweight even as a child, this is all new territory, so I have nothing to compare my journey to.

Maybe it's just TOM talking for me, but I'm so close to just throwing my hands up and quitting that I don't know what to do. I'm not 100% OP at all times, and because of university I don't have the time to use my elliptical like I should (despite splurging on the LS13). (And my other closet full of next-size-down clothes just help me get depressed when I can't wear them yet).

I suppose I just want someone to kick me in the rear and tell me to get back to it. I know most of you are older and much, much wiser than myself, and can help me loads. Sorry for the pity party.

11-10-2011, 01:31 PM
I'll give you soft and hard! :lol:

Soft: I'm sorry you're struggling. It's easy to get frustrated when you've hit a plateau. And when exterior things compete for your attention, your weight loss goals are easily pushed down the priority list. You need to love yourself enough to continue the fight. It's totally worth it. YOU are totally worth it!:hug: Slow and steady does win the race and TOM certainly may contribute to a slow down. But you can do this!

Hang on...here comes the hard::kickbutt:
Losing weight is hard work. Period. You have to fight through the urge to fall back on old habits. You have to tell yourself no sometimes (maybe a lot at the beginning). If you can't fit "organized" exercise into your day, find smaller things: walk to and from class the long way, take the stairs instead of the elevator, use your backpack like a bag of weights and do lifts while you walk. The possibilities are endless-use your imagination. You want to quit because it's "easier". It's not only tiring physically, but emotionally too. But is it really easier to live in a body that has difficulties? Remember that we've adopted the habits and behaviors we have because at some level they paid off. Challenge those behaviors.

What I do know is that you can do it. Really, you can!!:yes: Have you made a pros and cons list on the benefits of losing? If you have, read it again. If not, make one. It helps to refer back to it when you're losing motivation. You need to failproof your life. Don't have unhealthy snacks where you can get to them in a moment of weakness. Make smart choices at the cafeteria (assuming you're on meal plan at University), keep a water bottle with you at all times so you can drink more. Little changes like this, done consistently, can have a big impact over time. Commit to yourself and do it!


11-10-2011, 01:35 PM
Lacey, I've felt what you are feeling many times in all my dieting years (too many to count). But try to think about what you have accomplished instead of how far you have to go. What will you accomplish by giving up now? Nothing! You will most likely gain your weight back and be in a worse place. Even if you lose 55 pounds a year (a huge accomplishment by the way) and it takes you 3 more years to do it in, those years are going to go by anyway and quicker than you ever thought. But don't think of the long term...take it one day at a time. Heck, one hour at a time if you have to.

If you are bored with the diet you are following, find another one. I do that every once in a while; although, I mostly stick to higher-protein diets because they work the best for me. But the important thing is to commit to it. And come here as often as you can to help keep motivated. We are all here for you, girl!

11-10-2011, 01:41 PM
Yes, I have, and it got me right back to square 1 each time.

The dreaded plateau can really do a job on our heads. May I ask what you plan is and how you are going to change it to break through this plateau?

11-10-2011, 01:44 PM

If you give up, absolutely nothing will change. In fact, things may get worse.

I am also on this journey and I know the feeling. Remember, it's just a feeling. Feelings don't have to determine your actions. Let your actions guide your feelings.

You've done GREAT already. Celebrate your success and you can do this!!!! Sending BIG HUGS your way and cheering you on to goal.

11-10-2011, 01:51 PM
Also, for those who want to know my plan:

I calorie count, using myfitnesspal, roughly 1900 calories a day. I work full time and go to university. I live at home with others, drink only water, and have a very strong carb addiction.

11-10-2011, 01:54 PM
Your plan sounds good - you have a lot of things going on in life (full time work/uni). Are you staying on plan at 1900 calories religiously?

11-10-2011, 02:00 PM
Yes, the last time I dieted, I lost 17 pounds. Then decided it was too hard. That was four years ago. I gave up, gained back that weight plus another 15-20 pounds.

The time before that was 10 years ago, I lost 30 pounds. Felt pretty & more confident for my sister's wedding. Gave up. Gained all back, plus 50 pounds.

And all the years I've wasted by thinking it was impossible for me to succeed at weight loss. I've 'given up' too much of my life being morbidly obese.

I'm thinking maybe your daily calorie goal is too high for weight loss, if you don't have some pretty significant exercise factored in there too. Probably good range for maintenance, as you've discovered on your own.

Don't give up. Read some posts on this forum. They tend to be very inspirational to me.

11-10-2011, 02:13 PM
First of, congrats for losing that amount of weight. That in itself is a HUGEE accomplishment. And to lose all that and focus on weight loss when your oboviously very busy is amazing. You've prob heard this quote before but i'm going to say it anyways, "In a year you'll be glad you started today."

Option 1) Stop trying to get healthy, and either maintain or gain the weight you loss back

Option 2) Continue on your journey

Which one of these will make you happy in a year?

I know its tough but your just stuck in a plateau. Your current calorie count may be a bit high which is why your maintaining your weight at the moment :) Whatever it is, just don't give up. :) Weightloss is prob one of the hardests to accomplish because it takes so much disapline. And if you can do this, you can do anything...I've had plenty of "So frustrated I wanna cry" moments but once you get past those, you just wanna keep going. Remember...You CAN do this. Good luck reaching your goal and I know you will :)

11-10-2011, 02:17 PM

Thanks so much for all of your encouraging words (especially the hard ones!). I'm not really questioning my plan, I know it works when I follow it 100%. I'm just not having the motivation to do so.

I've calculated my calories frontwards, backwards, and by textbooks, and I show to need roughly 2800 a day to survive. So, I generally try to eat around 1800/1900 a day, but of course when I don't tell myself 'no', the weekends get out of hand.

Actually I know the weekends are my problem. I'm not working or at uni, so I can eat when I want (which is all the time on Saturdays). It's all in my head, so I'm thankful for all of you who're helping me get back on track.

11-10-2011, 02:20 PM
LaceyCen, your plan sounds great. Sticking to a plan when variables are thrown in (ie weekends) are often the hardest challenge. Good luck!!!! :)

11-10-2011, 02:29 PM
Weight loss is super hard - after 55 lbs and tons of hard work, you probably do need a "break". You are also stressed with university work - everyone imagines students as having an "ideal" life, fun, etc. But, from my point of view, my life was WAY easier when I took a break from studying and began working full-time.

Now, I'm like you, working hard and studying hard.

Maybe it is time for you to maintain.

Maybe you could try something new? Instead of trying to deprive yourself, try finding new healthy ways to feed your strong carb addiction (healthy, filling carbs). Do exercise because you want to, not because you have to.

The thing is, you don't want to underestimate the influence cortisol (produced by stress) has on weight loss.

Honestly, 1900 is not that much and should still result in weight loss - particularly as it seems you have a pretty busy lifestyle between uni and work.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can maintain until you find the energy again to focus on your weight loss completely.

Anyway, just take some time to really reflect on your life. Think about what is most important to you.

11-10-2011, 02:53 PM
Others are helping address your stall - it sounds like you need to be as vigilant on the weekend as you are during the week, and I hope you can find a way to do that.

What I want to add is: don't be disappointed by losing 55 pounds in a year. This is a very respectable overall rate of weight loss - just about a pound a week - it's excellent work that you deserve to be proud of.

So many people assume that if they are not melting away at 3 pounds a week, they are doing something wrong. It's just not so. It takes time to lose a significant amount of weight. There are no two ways around that. Losing 55 pounds in a year is superb - compare it to years you've had in the past, where you've lost nothing or even gained 25 pounds or more, and you are way, way ahead of the game.

I know you are frustrated, but please don't let that be a reason to overlook or dismiss your own achievement.

Signed, someone who has lost at a rate of 50 pounds per year for two years, and couldn't be happier to be >100 pounds smaller than she used to be!

Beach Patrol
11-10-2011, 03:37 PM
55 lb is AWESOME!!!! You're DOING IT!!! Slow? YES! But DOING IT!!!

In contrast, it's taken me TWO YEARS to lose the 34 lb that I have lost. But I'm NOT giving up! Giving up would only make me fatter, and I DON'T WANT THAT! - so even if I never make it to my goal of 140, being 158 forever & ever is WAY BETTER than being 192!

Also, some great advice that I've gotten here at 3FC, sometimes we just need to "take a break" from dieting. Just work on maintenance for awhile, even if you aren't at goal weight.

So if you find yourself not able to move forward, at least don't move backward! - just "stand still" and breathe for awhile! However long you need to!!! :hug:

11-10-2011, 04:03 PM
If you can put your energy into only one thing, "not gaining" is it. The problem with giving up entirely, is that it results not in "no loss" it results in gaining (usually rapid gaining, and gaining MORE than you lost in the first place).

We don't stress "not gaining" as progress. In fact, we tend to think of it as "not losng" and "not losing" as being every bit the failure that gaining is - so we give up entirely and decide "if I'm going to fail anyway, I might as well get to eat what I want."

For decades I dieted this way. When I felt that I didn't have the energy to put into more weight loss, I gave up. I never decided "well, if I can't lose any more, at least I'll focus on not gaining."

Nope, when I got sick of weight loss, I gave up entirely, ate whatever I want, and rapidly gained all the weight back and some extra. Which is why, in a very real way, I "dieted my way" to nearly 400 lbs.

The main difference "this time" is that weight loss actually isn't my main goal. My main goal is "not gaining" and I celebrate every morning that I get on the scale and haven't gained (and if I gain, my goal is "not gaining any more"). That way, I get to celebrate almost every day.

While I'm at this "not gaining" I figure I might as well try (as a secondary goal) to "lose just one more pound." And when THAT happens, I get to really celebrate and that pound becomes one of the ones that I'm workng at "not gaining."

You would be amazed at how this has changed my motivation. I really am rarely tempted to quit, because I'm having such incredible success. More often than not, I do succeed at this "not gaining," and one pound at a time, I've lost 98 lbs. It's taken several years, because I have health issues and compliance problems (I make a lot of food mistakes, and yet I've still been able to lose weight that I couldn't in 4 decades of trying).

Just "not giving up" really is the "secret" to permanent weight loss. It's not putting in tremendous effort (I took the easiest, laziest, smallest change path I could - because I was burned out on decades of maximum effort. I didn't have the strength or will to make huge changes, so I made very tiny, very comfortable ones - and still lost 98 lbs that way).

Just "not giving up." Even spending two years of the last seven with no weight loss at all - but still succeeding in not giving up entirely - making "not gaining" a priority, even when losing, couldn't be.

It's important to remember that keeping weight off is success, even if we haven't lost all we want to. It's a success worth protecting. So instead of thinking slow loss, or no loss as failure, seeing it as successfully maintaining weight loss (whether it's one pound down from your highest weight, or whether it's 200 lbs down). Maintaining loss is a sucess worth celebrating and protecting, even if you never are able to lose another pound.

11-10-2011, 04:26 PM
We all have been there, Lacey. I was just there, as a matter of fact. But I had to remember why I started this journey: I need to be healthy. I am cutting years off my life by living and eating as I did before. So even though I wasn't seeing results, I kept going.

I had to keep telling myself that some is better than none. You have already lost 55 pounds...have you taken a few minutes to appreciate that lately? :carrot: That is so hard to do, and even that amount does great things for your body, and losing it slowly is the best way. You know you are making the changes needed to keep it off for life.

Can't always exercise? I like the ideas presented here about being creative and trying to do other things that we don't think of as exercise, but if you can't do that, be really vigilant about your diet. Keep those calories down, make healthy food choices. It all helps.

And my biggest weight loss motivator so far? This website and the discovery of the "mini-goal" and "challenges". The mini-goal is a big one. If I look to the end goal, it seems too far away. But if I say, "I want to stay on plan for the whole week", or "I want to lose X (smaller) number of pounds in X (shorter) amount of time", I stay motivated to keep going. The challenges help with that. I've actually made my goal for Thanksgiving and have joined one for New Year's day, and I feel better about keeping up the journey.

Really become "involved" here, if you can. So many people with such good advice, and they cheer you on through the hard times. It's awesome. You can do this, so don't give up! :D :)

11-10-2011, 06:13 PM
You've gotten some great advice here, Lacey.. I just wanted to add one more thing.

You're the same height as me, and to me, your ultimate goal is pretty low. At our height, we hit the 'normal weight' bmi around 190 pounds. So it might help your motivation a little to raise your goal weight a bit - your ticker won't seem anywhere near as far off then! ;) Not to say that you can't lower your weight when you get to the healthy bmi range, but why not just start with 190?

Oh and one more motivational point - since you've already lost 55 pounds, you know you can do it. And you're only 13 pounds away from being in the 200's. What would a number in the 200's do for your motivation if you were there NEXT MONTH? You could be there by Christmas, if you recommit and lower your cals/day by 300 or so. I personally use 1400 as my goal, and I'm also exercising about 5x a week for at least 1/2 hr at a time. It might be worth trying, if nothing else to break your plateau!


11-10-2011, 08:28 PM
I will agree on the 55 lbs, it's fantastic! I lost about 80 lbs my first year, but it's taken me all of this year to lose the next 20, so we average out at about the same :)

I would also agree on maintenance breaks. They may not be for everyone, but I've taken two breaks over the past two summers to maintain. Sure, it results in my final goal "date" being pushed back...but the tradeoff was worth it for me.

I totally feel you on the plateau. I've been within 5 lbs of my current weight since April. Granted I was intentionally maintaining for 3 of those months, but I wasn't for the rest. Like you, I've slacked off too much on weekends and just got overall "sloppier" compared to when I started out. (I'm also a CCer.) I've since "re-started" at the beginning of this month with more strict CC, including weekends. So far I've lost 2 lbs and I'm weighing in again tomorrow. (I'm a little nervous, hoping my own slacking was resulting in my weight loss stall--not a "real" plateau--but no matter what the scale says tomorrow, I WILL go forward!)

Anyway, I don't know if my rambling is of any help to you, but do know you are not alone. There is ALWAYS someone else who has felt the way you felt or is feeling it now. We all have our weak moments and we all feel like giving up sometimes. That's OK. What's NOT OK is actually giving up. You've come too far to do less than what you've set out to do. It's not a race, and you won't be perfect all the time...but you must. go. forward.

11-10-2011, 09:38 PM
Wow, I am so amazed at the wisdom in these posts.
I just want to say you are doing so well RIGHT NOW. You need to cherish your success. You don't have to be perfect, just observe, improve, and keep trying.

11-10-2011, 09:45 PM
don't be discouraged! like everyone else has said, 55lbs is really awesome and something to be hugely proud of!

in regards to your diet, 1900 cals seems a bit much to me, if you aren't exercising. maybe you could commit to eating 250 cals less on the days you don't exercise? so if you decide that day that you can't exercise (and you should be able to do this in the morning, given you will have a timetable and can see if you can fit it in or not) then eat around 1650 cals. on the days you do exercise then eat 1900.

as for exercise, even if you could fit in exercise in blocks, it would still be something. maybe try and do 15 mins in the morning after waking and 15 mins in the evening when you get home? that way it doesn't seem overwhelming and the morning routine will give you a boost of energy for the day. you could also try just doing one session of HIIT, aim for a 5 min warm up, 10 mins intervals, 5 min cool down. that would DEFINITELY do something for you, if you can really push yourself to the limit during your speed intervals.
HIIT is so diverse as well, the best thing about it is that you can tailor it to your own fitness level. i do 30 sec sprints, 45 sec fast walk, repeat for 15 mins on the treadmill and by the end of it i am absolutely shattered! if your fitness level isn't that great, you can easily do something like a 30 second "push" on your speed interval and then slow down to an easy pace for 90 seconds for recovery and repeat that for 10 mins. you should only do HIIT (if you are doing it properly and pushing yourself on those speed intervals) 2-3 times a week though, so on off days, maybe you could incorporate some bodyweight training (sit ups etc) or if those are too hard at your weight, simply do some light cardio for 20 mins or something. remember! something is ALWAYS better than nothing!

i'm also saying hello to you as a fellow carb lover! i've blatantly and flat out said no to cutting carbs from my diet, because i just don't feel it's necessary and i love carbs! i know that i could not maintain a low carb diet for any prolonged amount of time, and this is about a change in my eating not a crash diet. anyway! i have replaced ALL of my carbs with complex carbs. i no longer eat anything white, so my bread is grain or rye, my cereal is bran, my rice is brown, my potatoes are mostly sweet (i admit to cheating every now and then and allowing myself a white potato!). i find that eating this way means not only do i eat less carbs (when i have a piece of toast, for eg, i only eat 1 piece now and i'm full!) but i don't need to eat so soon after. so if you love carbs, i suggest making a conscious decision to say NO to all white carbs and replace with brown.

lastly, i know it can be hard, but you really need to try and stick to your plan on weekends. you could be blowing your whole diet by eating well during the week and letting go on the weekends. if it's a question of being bored (you said you have saturday off so you can eat all day), try starting the morning off with a walk or jump on the elliptical... i find that when i exercise in the morning, i am that much more motivated to stay on plan for the rest of the day. to fill your time, try reading, or learning an instrument, or some kind of hobby to distract you from eating. or you could do uni work... (i'm a student too, and i know how hard it is to be motivated to do that, i'm procrastinating right now on an assignment due today!).

anyway, the bottom line is, when you incorporate all these things together, you WILL see results. but you do have to remain focussed, and as much as it sucks and you don't want to, you have to say no to things which won't help you.

good luck!

Princess Squish
11-11-2011, 01:20 AM
I wrote a blog about motivation. You may want to check it out. Clearly not all of it will pertain to you (unless you have a kid).
Here you go. (http://thisfatmom.blogspot.com/2011/10/motivation.html)

Add to that list the things that don't pertain to me but rather to you. Print it if you have to.

Also make a list of the things you look forward to at a healthy weight that you can't have/do at the weight you're at now.

These things are REALLY helpful to me. It's not motivation (I mean really... I'm not motivated by the future rib tattoo or belly ring) but little perks.

11-11-2011, 05:08 PM
I have to tell you I'd be pretty thrilled to lose 55 lbs in a year, ha. Keep in mind that part of the process going on is learning new habits and ways of thinking and changing old habits and ways of thinking that some of us have had for decades. the more effort and work one puts into it, the more results one sees, yes.

I'd imagine since you've been doing this a year, and from the success you've had that you really have made inroads in that vein. my point being you wouldn't be going back to where you started even if you did let go in some areas now where you're being vigilant. you might gain back some weight, but you wouldn't be in the same place.

312 and lower is waiting for you

11-12-2011, 01:04 AM
I just want to jump in here and congratulate you on the 55 pounds--that's AMAZING, and to defend the 1900 calories plan.

Our girl Lacey is TALL and she's still (sorry!) quite heavy. I am 5 inches shorter and 100 pounds lighter and when I stick to my food and exercise plan, I can lose on 1900 or 2000 calories a day. I think the issue is that the 1900 is her goal but she's going over enough of the time that she's losing her deficit.

The problem is *sticking with the plan* rather than the plan itself.

Congrats & good luck.