Started binge eating last night... staying here to stay sane
Long story short, we were expecting our 2nd child and now we are not, I found out during a routine ultrasound yesterday when I was expecting to see the healthy baby again like the other ultrasounds. I'm still waiting for the baby to naturally miscarry itself (I was almost in my 2nd trimester). Last night, between my and my husband, we ate a whole pizza, a large caesar salad, a large poutine (fries/gravy/cheese), and giant subs. And beers and cokes. And this morning it just continued at a greasy diner. My son (17 months) is playing in the living room and I'm having a hard time even looking at him right now - he is so innocent and doesn't know why mommy is sad. My husband is hiding in the basement and crying.
I don't know, I'm just at a very low point here and in tears. Thought I would come here to get a grip. I'm going to go play with my boy now - how do I avoid binge eating right now? I feel I can either do that, or to not eat at all.
If any of you have been through this, how do you cope?
Morning! I watched my friend go through losing her baby about 5 months into the pregnancy. There was about a week in which they weren't positive he wasn't going to make it and then she did have to go through birthing him deceased. She was big on attending support groups. I tried to be there as much as possible and I was sad myself but I had never had a baby and more specifically never had one die. I think in the end I couldn't give her everything someone else could with the same experience. If you don't find someone on this board - please seek someone in your local area.
She helped herself a bit by memorializing him. She made a little area on a shelf for him. I think the hardest thing is that some people truly got it - her baby died, some people don't quite see it as the death of a child because he was never outside the womb. Even mothers themselves who have miscarriages can vary on this.
Since both you and your husband are mourning this. I hope you can find a way together to get through it. It will be nice to support each other.
Now, as to the binge-eating. Part of me wants to say least of your concerns...however, my guess is this is something you are careful about and I get that. Perspective would be that it was one night after terrible news and today you are already making steps to prevent day two. That is a good thing. Especially since you are trying to process so much sadness at the same time.
I am glad you have your son and your husband to get through this with.
I'm really, really sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, and I hope you and your family can comfort each other.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. I mean, you can remind yourself that eating isn't going to undo the loss, but if it comforts you it's also not the worst possible thing you can do. If you find that focusing on your plan helps the grieving process, then definitely focus on your plan - but if you find that it does not help, or makes grieving harder, then don't be hard on yourself for having other priorities for a little while.
I'm really, really sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, and I hope you and your family can comfort each other.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. I mean, you can remind yourself that eating isn't going to undo the loss, but if it comforts you it's also not the worst possible thing you can do. If you find that focusing on your plan helps the grieving process, then definitely focus on your plan - but if you find that it does not help, or makes grieving harder, then don't be hard on yourself for having other priorities for a little while.
Sacha - I am so very sorry for your loss. And I agree with Carter. No, the eating isn't going to fix things, but if it's helping you get through the right now - well, it's better than binge drinking or drugs or something more harmful, which would be understandable given what you are going through.
The one thing that I will throw out there is maybe to try to exercise (if you are allowed to medically? - nothing too strenuous at least). Not for the diet/weight aspect, but for the endorphins it will help your body to produce, and which will hopefully help you feel a little bit better, at least physically, while you deal with your grief.
I am so, so sorry. I miscarried before I had my son and I remember feeling so EMPTY - I imagine that on some level the binging is trying to fill the hole. Honestly the first few weeks are survival mode, emotionally. Try to get outside, even just for a drive.
I am glad that your husband is grieving with you. Mine wanted to know when I was "going to get over it." (he is now an ex). You don't get over it. You get through it. And you will. Hugs.
to you, SACHA & to your DH as well ~ and am sending up some prayers for you both at this time. I also had a few miscarriages myself; and I agree with Juliana -- "You will get through this" ... in time, but it feels very hard right now.
Even though you had a food-fest this weekend, you can still find other ways to end that. Playing with your son, going for walks to the park, coming on here for support, going out for a drive, visit family and/or friends, some appropriate exercising (walking is very good), go to the movies, clean out a closet, and so forth -- just keeping really busy helps (distraction).
You can put your focus on maintaining at this time as well; watching the amounts you eat of "whatever" is the key to that. Eat lots of veggies & fruit -- I have a strategy that helps me ... I try to eat a salad or soup BEFORE I eat the rest of the meal. That fills me up really well. Even eating a piece of fruit before you have a meal is good (this is a trick the French use a lot).
This is a really tough time; but you will get through it ...
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 11-05-2011 at 11:56 AM.
Sacha, my heart is also breaking for you. I can't imagine how difficult this time must be for your whole family, especially you.
I just wanted to throw out there that you also have the option of going in for a D&C instead of waiting for a natural m/c. While it's not for everyone, it definitely ends the waiting period, and (while I've only had a very early m/c - around 5 weeks) might make the whole process easier physically and emotionally. I've heard that later miscarriages can be quite traumatic... I hope I'm not stressing you out further, I just wanted to put it out there to think about other alternatives.
As for the eating, i think you've had great advice so far. Give yourself some slack for awhile, do whatever helps to heal your soul a little - whether that's flexiblity with your diet or strictness... you know what works best for you.
Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers from afar...
I put my boy to bed, and my husband and I both went & worked out in our garage gym, it felt great. I had been on bedrest for a month prior (this pregnancy was not going well to begin with) so it felt good after. Had a nice fresh orange, and will go for a long walk with our dog and baby after.
Thanks for the support. Food binging will make us feel worse, I know it, it just took a little push to go in the other direction. Thank you for providing it.
BTW We have named her baby Evie. I am still waiting to see the doctor on Monday to consider my options, I'm not sure what we'll do yet.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I was absolutely devastated. I agree with the others, be gentle with yourself. You are grieving... Give yourself time. When you feel up to it, maybe focus your energy on continuing to make your body healthy for the next pregnancy. Get out for walks with your son, maybe take a yoga class (this was really beneficial for me emotionally) and journaling my feelings also helped. I've had two babies since my miscarriage (they're now 2.5 and 10 months) and I truely feel that I was given the children that I was meant to have, but it doesn't mean that the loss of the first was any less painful. Hugs to you and your husband.
I am so sorry for your loss; I went through the same thing many years ago, and one thing that kept me and my husband going was that we already had one healthy son, we knew we could do it; I did not go through the feeling that the loss of a first baby would be, that we would never have a child, but it was still a devestating time. I went on to have more healthy boys. The baby I lost was a girl.
I am so, so sorry for your loss, and that you're having to endure so much emotional pain right now. I too lost a pregnancy, about 5 months ago, and the first few days after I found out I was overwhelmed by the grief. I don't remember what I ate and what I didn't during that time; I just didn't care or pay attention for a little while. I'm so glad the workout today made you feel good; keep doing whatever it is that makes you feel better right now, and the rest will fall back into place in time.
Best of luck with your appointment tomorrow. I went through several of the potential treatments over the course of a few weeks (it took a while to figure out that my pregnancy was ectopic), and so I have some experience with the different options. If I can provide any experience-based information as you consider your options, please don't hesitate to send me a message.
Started binge eating last night... staying here to stay sane
to you, SACHA & to your DH as well ~ and am sending up some prayers for you both at this time. I also had a few miscarriages myself; and I agree with Juliana -- "You will get through this" ... in time, but it feels very hard right now. 
I can't imagine how difficult this time must be for your whole family, especially you. 
