30-Somethings - Significant Other Doesn't Notice Weight Loss




clevergirl
10-31-2011, 04:24 PM
Hello Everyone!

I have been working to better myself for about 6 weeks and am noticing results both in my clothing and in my demeanor.

There are several people around me who have noticed it as well - which makes me happy - gives me the confidence that what I'm doing is working.

My significant other of the past three years is now in his first year of law school. He has an efficiency apartment at school during the week and comes home on the weekends.

I would think that of anyone, he would notice my weight loss more because he doesn't see me every day. I asked him once if he noticed anything and he said "well yeah, i guess....maybe your butt looks smaller?":?:

I mentioned it to a friend of mine when she told me that she had lost 50 pounds when her husband asked if she got her hair cut. :?::?:

So I don't know how to take it really. That he's not noticing the effort that I am putting in to be a better partner or that he loves me and it doesn't really matter if I'm chunky or not.

Still, I'd like him to cheerlead for me a bit...in spite of the fact that it's just not his personality.

Advice?


Lambiechop
10-31-2011, 04:38 PM
From personal experience my husband has never really "seen" my weight. I mean it's physically impossible not to actually see that I'm obese but even when I was at my highest weight (320) he didn't see me that way. He loved me for the person I am and have always been. I don't know yet what he'll see or notice this time around. When he left in September I weighed 246, I'm 220 now, and hoping to be less than 200 next time I see him.

I guess what I'm saying is men are funny creatures. Most are intelligent enough not to mention their women's weights or other insecurities and are afraid to bring things like that up for fear of insulting them or upsetting them in any way.

bargoo
10-31-2011, 05:04 PM
It isn't just men, it is strange that those closest to us just can't see. I have very dark brown hair, my natural hair color is dark, dark, brown, one time I had it frosted blonde, I mean it was very light, my mother said, "didn't your hair used to be darker?" Sheesh ! My own mother doesn't know what color my hair is. We just have to ignore there inability to see the obvious. Think about their good qualities, instead.


jitterfish
10-31-2011, 05:30 PM
It wasn't until I had lost 50lbs+ that my husband could actually see that I had lost weight. But it was like gaining weight, he didn't notice I had gained weight until he saw a photo of us in our teens and he was like wow did you really look like that, you were so skinny. It was a shock to both of us how much weight I'd put on (especially as I was a fat teenager!).

I think a lot depends on how much weight you have to lose, if 100lbs and wanting to lose 10lbs, its 10% of your body so big change. If you're 200lbs and lose 10lbs its only 5%, so its just not as noticeable. Especially as like the others have said the people that know us the best don't see us, they just know what we look like.

kaplods
10-31-2011, 05:33 PM
This used to bother me a lot, but I recently got a very good lesson in how easily it is to be oblivious.

As I've been losing weight, it's been bugging me that my husband hasn't been "on the bandwagon with me," because he needs to lose weight too.

Then I stumbled upon a medical report of his from several years ago, and I realized that he has lost nearly as much weight as I have.

Here, I'd been kind of grumpy that he wasn't "working as hard or taking his health as seriously as I was."

All I can say is that I'm extremely relieved that I had kept my judgemental comments to myself.

Because hubby isn't as number-conscious as I am, he was actually surprised to hear that he had lost more than 80 lbs (he didn't remember being "that heavy.")

It's hard for both of us to see each other's weight loss - because we see each other so frequently (I don't think even once a week would change that). Because weight loss is so slow, daily, weekly, and even monthly contact can make it difficult to see changes in ourselves and those close to us.

It's why I try to document my progress, so I can see it. For example, I write down my daily weight, and I have a little log book for my gym workouts - so I can look back and SEE the progress that I can't always see in the mirror.

BeachKitty
10-31-2011, 06:48 PM
I've lost about 30lbs and my man has no clue. I haven't had anyone say anything to me about my weight loss yet. I've read from several people on here that it sometimes it takes a 10% loss or 50lb loss before people start to notice. I've given up on wanting praise from him. I'm doing it for myself and I feel great about my small success so far. Honestly, I think I might not take it so good when people start to comment on it. I feel I might become super self concious about it.

Guys can be slow though lol maybe if you told him numbers? I noticed my bf was shocked when I handed him a bag of cat litter and told him that's how much weight I'd lost so far. You could also wear something more form fitting when you see him. At least he loves you no matter what and in the end that counts the most!

jitterfish
10-31-2011, 07:15 PM
BK I love that kitty litter thing! I did that with my kids, first it was the weight of one kid, then the weight of both my kids combined. Now I've lost about three kids worth of weight, when I carry my two I think wow did I really use to have this much extra!?

Lambiechop
10-31-2011, 07:21 PM
Lol. On the kitty litter. I used a big bag of my Great Dane's food to show my kids.

bellastarr
11-05-2011, 03:54 PM
most guys are pretty oblivious to alot of stuff appearance wise

Melissa Lynn
11-19-2011, 10:48 AM
I have just recently lost 40 pounds and now the people around me are really starting to notice. My husband has actually noticed the entire way which has been GREAT, it is nice to have the motivating cheerleader support.

I think that the rate people notice it depends on how overweight you are and where your weight is distributed at. I think if your weight is evenly distributed over your body gradual weight loss is less noticeable until you reach a certain point. But when you are a apple shape and carry all your weight on your midsection and hips weight loss is more noticeable... Maybe?

AndLy
11-29-2011, 11:02 AM
I agree with Melissa Lynn. It depends on how much you weigh to start and where your weight is distributed.

Example: There is another mom at my daughter's dance class that I sit and chat with every single Monday night. Just last night she walked in and said to me "Oh my gosh you are so skinny! When did you lose all that weight?" I see her every.single.week and it was just like BAM! last night was the first time she'd "seen" me in months.

JM14534
12-13-2011, 08:36 PM
Did you ever get the "did you lose weight?!?" and haven't? That one personally makes me feel worse because I think "oh my lord did they remember me as bigger than this?!??" :-)