30-Somethings - Singletons?




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momwannabe
10-29-2011, 01:21 PM
Hi everyone

So, thus far I've had amazing support from so many people on this site. But I've found that most of the people I'm interacting with are married with children. I have all the respect for these ladies who have so much on their plates! But I'm a singleton, career-focused girl, and I find my weight loss comes with different challenges. So I just thought I'd put a shout-out out there and see if there are any others floating along in a similar boat.


HikingChloe
10-31-2011, 12:10 PM
Pretty much all my friends are married with kids. I am neither - always wanted to be, but that is the way it goes.

Career-focused? Well. I am working and also in school. I will be losing my current job and I am definitely focused on getting a job that I can live off of.

Right now I definitely know that my day to day issues are different than my married/kids friends. We do the best we can to support each other, but yes, it is very different.

Eruanna
11-01-2011, 05:52 AM
Some people think I'm crazy, but I'm single and loving it :) I can't see myself ever settling down with a guy, and although I love kids, I don't want any of my own.


stellarosa27
11-01-2011, 11:08 AM
/waves

Well hello :)

Single, career girl/Master's student here. I agree, I have respect for the ladies with families, but it does come with different challenges, ESPECIALLY when you have a demanding schedule that causes you to travel a whole lot.

MeeMoe
11-01-2011, 04:53 PM
Hello Singletons :)


I just got out of a very long relationship...and my single days ever since we broke up, have been fabulous! I'm so glad to be single and free and what I please :cool: I think its aweome that you started this thread. I just started on this website today and I really see the support that everyone gives! I hope to be someone that can give it too!

:wave:

PrairieGirl
11-01-2011, 10:48 PM
<<<<<So single!

I'm in the same boat. I work in a professional job and take night classes. I've tried dating, but haven't had much luck. I have some work left to do on myself. I definitely don't have the confidence to find the right guy. I'm close to goal, 'close' is a loose term LOL.

Rana
11-02-2011, 12:48 PM
I'm career focused and a student, but I have a boyfriend. Does that count?

No plans to have kids and if I get married, it might be a lot later in life. I need to think about the effects it might have on me financially.

karybeary
11-05-2011, 03:12 PM
Single lady here. Not current in a relationship or kids but would love to connect with other singletons this site.

bellastarr
11-05-2011, 04:51 PM
totally 100% single here too

momwannabe
11-06-2011, 01:32 PM
Hey ladies!

So glad to hear there are some others in this boat! I'm trying hard to date at the moment, but having a social life, working and trying to get to gym / eat healthily is proving hard!

grabbypants
11-09-2011, 01:12 AM
Hellllooooo!
i too am single and have been for the last 5 yrs now. i've found that my weight has been a large issue to why i haven't put myself out there. the guys i find attractive dont find me attractive and the guys who do as i say "want to get all up in my jelly" i dont find appealing. so i ended up just being the funny "big" pretty girl that everyone wants to be friends w/ but nothing more. WELL NO MORE I SAY!! i've been on IP for 2 wks now and i am never going back!! men hold onto your hats is all i have to say!!
may everyone else here have the same outcome from getting healthy too!!:D:D

momwannabe
11-12-2011, 03:23 AM
Well, I went on a date last night. First off, dating is very hard at the moment because I'm so strict about what I'm eating and drinking, of course. But if I know I'm going out, I try and bank some calories for a couple of drinks. Anyway, we were people watching and I commented on a particular girl's dress. The guy replied, "You mean the big chick?". I really hate that that's what people see first about a person. And at the moment I'm finding it hard to get myself out of that category. I still feel very fat, even though I've lost almost 20 pounds and am only just, just overweight according to my BMI. I have decided to stop pointing out my weight to everyone! I'll often say "as a fellow non-skinny chick" or whatever, and i don't think I'm doing myself any favours!

Rocketgirl2011
11-15-2011, 04:13 PM
Thanks for posting this - I often feel the same way regarding the message boards as I am not married and have no kids. I am glad to see I am not an anomoly here. How is everyone doing? I am only newly committed to weight loss but down 8 lbs in te last three weeks so I'm pretty pleased.

ohadele
11-15-2011, 04:27 PM
I'm a newly single too. I'm a student in my final (stressful) year of university. I think maybe it's good to be free of a relationship right now. I need to work on myself so I can choose my next relationship from a position of strength and confidence ... and I'm really excited!

momwannabe
11-18-2011, 01:21 PM
Hey!

Rocketgirl: Wow, 8 pounds down in three weeks? That's fantastic! Well done! I find weekends quite difficult. I'm at home more of the time, and feel a bit lonely. And then I want to eat! :-)

Ohadele: I'm sorry about your relationship, but it's nice to hear you so positive!

I hit the 140's today. Or 10kgs down. Two big milestones. :-)

napalmtree
11-18-2011, 01:28 PM
Single in the sense that I'm not married...and we don't live together. We live pretty far apart, actually. Makes for a lot of independence. Well, in theory; I still live at home, unfortunately, because even though I'm a manager at a hotel...the pay is terrible and I've got student loans coming out my ears. :|

It's a little embarrassing at my age, but what are you gonna do? Clearly I'm not the only one...otherwise these Occupy things wouldn't be going on.

Eruanna
11-19-2011, 11:48 PM
You're not the only one Napalm tree :) I've been either traveling or renting for years now, but I moved back with my parents after my last stint overseas so I could focus on buying a place of my own. That's kinda gone out the window now as we've had a year of earthquakes where I live, so there's not many houses left to buy, and less than none than I can actually afford :(

Overall it's not too bad, and great for the finances, but I don't want to be doing it forever

momwannabe
11-20-2011, 02:05 AM
I also moved back in with my mom when I got back from overseas and started my own practice. I stayed there for about 2 years and then rented for a year and a half before buying a place. It's all about timing! But I would imagine that it makes socialising difficult? I like having people over to my place. Although, at the moment, what would I give them to eat?! :-)

5aday
11-21-2011, 01:48 AM
I am single and looking. Do any of you have any good non-food date ideas for first or second dates? I have been trying the online dating thing with some success. If nothing else it has been an interesting experience. I found that I like non-food date... coffee dates are good, museums, concerts, live music, drinks can be okay but dinner is not my favorite. I am looking forward to losing more weight and being able to enjoy more active dates like hiking, biking, canoeing.

momwannabe
11-21-2011, 02:09 PM
5aday: I'm also doing internet dating at the moment, but not having much luck, unfortunately. But I also have huge anxiety about going on a dinner date. My fall back meal is grilled calamarie because it's so low in calories and on pretty much every menu here. I went on a stroll last weekend as a first date. That was pretty good and non-food related. I'm also okay with drinks because I just make sure I always have a glass of water as well as my drink and alternate sips. I don't think I'd ever go on a hiking, biking or canoeing date!

5aday
11-21-2011, 07:20 PM
I like the idea of taking a stroll especially this time of year when there are some nice holiday lights. How about bowling or Dave n Busters or board games? Maybe dancing, but I am not much of a dancer so I would have to start with lessons or drinks lol. I like to go slow with getting to know a guy so I need ideas for going out that does not revolve around food and drinking. I was thinking that keeping my hands or feet active would be good to keep from to much eating. Any ideas are helpful.

silentarctic
11-22-2011, 12:36 AM
I an single as can be, always have been. I have never even been on a date, in addition to being on the obviously heavier side I seem to be a little bit socially awkward. They are things that I am working on but am not sure that I'll ever TRUELY conquer. Really am working on being more out going and friendlier, and active.

I think my challenge is a lot of the time I wonder what the point of trying to live longer is if I'm going to be all by myself forever. I'm not obsessed with finding a mate but it does get lonely sometimes never having anyone.

momwannabe
11-22-2011, 01:52 PM
Silentartic: Things do get lonely. If it helps, I deal with lots of Aspergers adults and lots of parents of autistic kids who tend to have incredibly odd social skills and they've found mates! Sorry, this is coming our wrong and sounding like I'm calling you autistic! Not at all! What I'm saying is conventional or not, people seem to find each other. Don't give up hope!

silentarctic
11-22-2011, 02:35 PM
momwannabe - I know. I just have eternal foot-in-mouth syndrome as a schoolmate of mine called it. Anyways I am singler than single!

Go single gals (and guys) trying to make it work!

The plus side of being single and childless is I can make whatever i want for supper without worrying about anyone else liking it. sometimes even *I* don't have to like it if i don't *hate* it and its nutritious thats good enough most of the time.

mammasita
11-22-2011, 02:37 PM
Hi ladies - I'm divorced, mother of a 10 year old boy, full time job, just finished grad school and although I am in a relationship - I can totally relate. I've also done on line dating so very familiar with that too.

dana32
11-23-2011, 04:43 PM
Hey
me too I am single with no kids, or i would love say In a relationship with FREEDOM :)
i respect those women with families but i am happy with my situation
so can we help each other in loosing weight???

silentarctic
11-27-2011, 03:50 AM
Hey Girls

I have to wonder, if you are still (working on) losing the weight, do you question interest from guys? I wonder if he thinks I lack self confidence because I am chubby? I wonder if he thinks I will expect less because I am not beautiful. I wonder... I don't know does anyone who still has a LOT to lose have these hangups? I do... I think I maybe just got asked out which is odd because that has never ever happened to me before the "we should go out for cofee" ask out. Granted we were both tipsy (maybe drunk?) I don't even know if I am remotely interested it's just I've never even been asked out for coffee before. Totally new territory...

miliminime
11-27-2011, 05:21 AM
I'm not in my 30s but I'm going to crash this thread, because I think it's pretty awesome to have a support group like this!

@silentarctic: Personally, yes, I have questioned interest. I've never really dated and only been asked out twice, by people in random places that I didn't really know (which is weird, because the way I see it, I have more personality than I have good looks, and I would not call myself an outgoing person at all, so...). Both times, they gave me their numbers, and I was kind of flattered. But then I just went home and threw those slips of paper in the trash because I thought if I called it would turn out to be a prank-the-fat-girl joke or something. I know that doesn't reflect well on my self-image, but that's the truth. Part of me knows that I was being ridiculous, but those are my hang-ups that I'll eventually have to deal with. I know it's a really unhealthy way of looking at myself, to think that people don't want to date me or be my friend simply because I'm fat.

As for you, you definitely got asked out! He asked you to go out and do something specific with him. There really is no other plausible reason why he'd ask you to coffee - he obviously thinks you're attractive and beautiful. And I think that he will see you the way that you project yourself. All the friends that I have that are overweight are really confident women, and don't let their weight get in the way of living their lives and interacting with people. The guys they've dated never seemed to think less of them for being overweight as long as the girls themselves didn't think of themselves that way.

5aday
11-27-2011, 10:37 PM
@silentarctic: Yes he asked you out! a coffee date can be a good thing if you are not sure about your interest level. Most coffee dates do not involve alcohol and you can get a chance to talk. I would go and see if there is anything there worth exploring further. I hope you will let us know who it goes. I will also take a stab at your other question. I am undeniably fat but I am also cute. Some days I am downright sexy. I have not dated much but I know that men find me attractive. I know I do not do it for every guy but there are plenty that like what they see. I figure I only need one good guy that thinks I am the bees knees. I have no patience for a$$ holes and I do not tolerate disrespect. I believe the way a man approaches me and treats me early on in a relationship is his best behavior. I know women big or small can find a loving man.

Jojo381972
11-28-2011, 03:05 AM
Hey single ladies (put a ring on it) :)

Very single gal here. I can relate. I have done the internet dating thing, but have choosen to be quite single for the last eight months. I'm sick of always attracting jerks who end up breaking my heart. I have made a choice to start focusing more on me and losing weight and less on men. I figure once I'm feeling super confident I will attract the right type of guy.

I love not having to worry about anyone else other than myself (selfish as that may sound). I know there are also some downsides, but that is what friends are for and this site.

I think it is getting harder to find a guy who will like someone who is overweight or obese. I find most men quite shallow, but maybe I'm a bit jaded because of my past relationships.

Jojo381972
11-28-2011, 03:08 AM
I have no patience for a$$ holes and I do not tolerate disrespect. I believe the way a man approaches me and treats me early on in a relationship is his best behavior. I know women big or small can find a loving man.

Definitely! Well said! I am tolerating less and less bull**** as time goes by. I think the reason why I haven't ended up with anyone is because most of the men I don't tolerate when it comes to all the bull**** and wanting one night stands which gets on my nerves. I deserve better than that.

speedy2697
11-29-2011, 06:10 AM
After lurking on this sight occasionally, I've finally jumped in. My issue with dating is the prospect of getting intimate with someone new. Who else worries what is he thinking? Does he notice this bulge, roll or other issue? Trying to work on self image. Heard someone say recently that if you're the only naked woman in the room you're looking mighty fine.:o

silentarctic
11-29-2011, 01:56 PM
I am pretty happy being single infact I love my independance. There are challenges at the same time I think I will never be able to be one of those joint at the hip couple people no matter how much I love someone (family or friend) I need time away or I start to get really annoyed.

I love that I don't have to feel guilty about my food choices, I don't have a mate complaining that my cooking is too healthy etc. I make my own choices my responsibilities etc.

5aday
11-29-2011, 10:18 PM
I have a single and thirty something and loosing weight question... How do you deal with the unwanted male attention? I used to be able to move through the world without being seen or at least not approached much. I am mostly flattered by the new attention but it can be awkward/uncomfortable. I have been a big girl all of my adult life. How do you deal with this... without slipping back up the scale and out of sight?

Jojo381972- It is nice to hear that other people can relate. I know a bad relationship is much worse then no relationship.

speedy2697- Clothing is great but at my size no man is surprised to find I am fat when the clothes come off. There is a lot you can do without being totally naked. Show a little or show a lot, take it slow, dress up. I think the point is to have fun with it. My body is not perfect now and it will not be perfect after I reach my goal weight but I can be sexy.

silentarctic- I agree there are real benefits to being single when making a life style change. I have been single for years and I really value my independence. I am looking for a man that has interest of his own and can amuse himself. I do not need to be attached at the hip to anyone 24/7. I am hoping there is some middle ground.

TheCuriosity
11-30-2011, 06:25 AM
Single and no kids and very happy. I don't like children and thinks the whole 'marriage' thing is just silly. People always ask me about marriage and kids and when they hear I have neither they start to pity me and I find it incredibly annoying. Worse was this guy I once dated who thought he knew me better than myself and that I was really just in denial and that ALL women want kids and marriage. That relationship didn't last long.

silentarctic
11-30-2011, 11:06 PM
5aday - All my normal weighted / overweight (but not obese) friends have that problem too. I think you can learn to become somewhat decensitised to it. I know that It wierds you out right now but time and experience you'll get use to it. :) Not sure what KIND of attention? (like being asked out, or just stares) without knowing that not really any specific advice other than I'm pretty sure the more you deal with it the less foreign and anxiety causing it should be :)

Speedy: Petrified, I don't even want to get intimate. I don't even know if I could, if I date I will be taking things VERY slowly. Hello i have stretchmarks and bra's are my BFF the 'girls' look so much better in them than on. Not to mentioned its been what seems like an eternity since I've been so much as kissed I honestly don't know if I will freak out or what if someone tries. :-D No advice but... you are so not alone in that. I am probably going to freak otu MORE as the weight comes off because of the skin (since i have so much to lose :-|)

PrairieGirl
11-30-2011, 11:43 PM
I want to get married and have kids, but as I get older and this is looking less and less likely, I'm having a hard time changing the vision of what I want in life. Friends and a career are just not a replacement for the life I always envisioned. I have a really small family and I'm afraid of what my life will be like when my parents are gone. I'm content alone, but I don't feel fulfilled.

5aday
12-01-2011, 09:22 AM
silentarctic-the attention is sometimes a look and I do not mind that. The comments are more awkward. I work in a male dominated profession and it surprises me when things shift from professional to personal. I am really good at professional. I am sure that with time I will get better at the personal. I think part of the issue is that I like to keep my personal separate from work. As I loose weight and clothes fit better and I feel more energetic I am undeniably a women. Before it was like I had to get dressed up and go out looking for the attention.

PrairieGirl- I feel you on this one. In my teens and early twenties I really wanted to have children. I turned 35 in 2011 and I am very single. I do not want to rush into something just because my clock is ticking. I have started to think about what the next 20 years might look like without children. I allow myself to morn the lost of opportunity. I think about adopting an older child. I believe there can be joy in a childless life and if that is my path I will to find the joy.

5aday
12-01-2011, 09:28 AM
TheCuriosity- I love your attitude. The pity always sucks. People should trust that you know yourself and life is not one size fits all.

Riddy
12-01-2011, 11:45 PM
Seriously single here!

Although this isn't where I thought I would be at this age, I am not sitting at home moping about it. I travel for fun, I go to bed when I want to, and if I want to spend a Sunday in my pajamas, I do. :D I think only having to worry about cooking for me has made my weight loss journey a little easier. I was just talking to my oldest friend about this. While she is fascinated by the quick results I'm having on my plan, she isn't sure she could do it with her hubby and kids and their off-plan food in the house.

I'm starting to notice a little more male attention. I wonder - is it purely my physical appearance, or am I subconsciously more confident? :shrug:

Jojo381972
12-02-2011, 02:11 AM
silentarctic-the attention is sometimes a look and I do not mind that. The comments are more awkward. I work in a male dominated profession and it surprises me when things shift from professional to personal. I am really good at professional. I am sure that with time I will get better at the personal. I think part of the issue is that I like to keep my personal separate from work. As I lose weight and clothes fit better and I feel more energetic I am undeniably a women. Before it was like I had to get dressed up and go out looking for the attention.
.

I'm sure with more confidence you'll open up and not be afraid to be more personal at work. Keeping personal and professional separate is a good idea. I've dated men that I worked with and if it ends badly you may not want to go to work and see him everyday. Congrats on losing weight and feeling better in your skin. I find I'm also getting more attention, but sometimes not the attention that I want. As I'm big chested I am used to guys checking me out to an extent. I often want to feel like more than a piece of meat and be respected for who I am.

Jojo381972
12-02-2011, 02:15 AM
Seriously single here!

Although this isn't where I thought I would be at this age, I am not sitting at home moping about it. I travel for fun, I go to bed when I want to, and if I want to spend a Sunday in my pajamas, I do. :D I think only having to worry about cooking for me has made my weight loss journey a little easier. I was just talking to my oldest friend about this. While she is fascinated by the quick results I'm having on my plan, she isn't sure she could do it with her hubby and kids and their off-plan food in the house.

I'm starting to notice a little more male attention. I wonder - is it purely my physical appearance, or am I subconsciously more confident? :shrug:

I so hear you on liking being single! I find I'm getting more set in my ways as I'm getting older, and although I thought I would have kids by now and be married,, I'm rethinking kids now as I'm getting too old. I think not having that hubby and kids support can make things harder or easier depending on how you look at it. I find I don't have to worry about anyone else, but not having that extra support makes it harder to stay motivated. I'd love to have someone pushing me all the time..hehe. I have to push myself or no one else will. ;)

Jojo381972
12-02-2011, 02:17 AM
I want to get married and have kids, but as I get older and this is looking less and less likely, I'm having a hard time changing the vision of what I want in life. Friends and a career are just not a replacement for the life I always envisioned. I have a really small family and I'm afraid of what my life will be like when my parents are gone. I'm content alone, but I don't feel fulfilled.

I hear you to a large extent, but it is never too late to get more friends or change your vision of yourself. Maybe you will find something or someone to fulfill you in the future. :D

Riddy
12-02-2011, 11:17 PM
I so hear you on liking being single! I find I'm getting more set in my ways as I'm getting older, and although I thought I would have kids by now and be married,, I'm rethinking kids now as I'm getting too old. I think not having that hubby and kids support can make things harder or easier depending on how you look at it. I find I don't have to worry about anyone else, but not having that extra support makes it harder to stay motivated. I'd love to have someone pushing me all the time..hehe. I have to push myself or no one else will. ;)

Yes! I've lived alone in a house that I own for 9 years now, and I have to think living with a man would be a HUGE adjustment.

I'm also thinking that I'm probably not going to have kids, even though I always thought I would. I'm in my late 30's, so by the time I find their father, I might be too old to have those kids.

While I've definitely had to motivate myself on my weight loss journey, I'm not going to ponder the what-ifs if there was a man involved. I am doing this for ME! If a guy comes along for the ride, great, but all of this is for me, not him, whoever he is. :p

Jojo381972
12-03-2011, 02:53 AM
While I've definitely had to motivate myself on my weight loss journey, I'm not going to ponder the what-ifs if there was a man involved. I am doing this for ME! If a guy comes along for the ride, great, but all of this is for me, not him, whoever he is. :p

Well said and I 100% agree with you. :D

momwannabe
12-04-2011, 01:37 AM
5aday: unwanted attention is always awkward. I consider myself a really nice, kind person. But at the moment I have a guy who wants to see me all the time. I'm just not feeling it, so I keep putting him off. But he just doesn't seem to get it! I fear I'm going to have to be more straightforward and unkind at some stage. And then yesterday I had to go to a work meeting at a coffee shop in a mall. This guy that I've seen twice at a wine tasting saw me, came over and sat down. He is the drippiest guy you've ever met and I have absolutely no interest in him! I told him I have a meeting and he just kept sitting there! Guys are dense! :-)

Curiosity: I think one of the reasons why we have such bad parents in the world is because society has this idea that everyone should want to be a mother. I don't think it's true! We won't judge you for not wanting kids as long as you don't judge us for wanting them

PrairieGirl: Alas, I feel like my time is running out too. I've actually considered freezing my eggs, and I've done some research into adoption. I'm 32 already.

Speedy: I love that quote about being the only naked girl in the room! But I'm super conscious of my wobbly bits. I don't know what's worse: to own up to them and point them out in which case I might make them more of an issue, or to ignore them in which case the guy might think that I don't know that I'm fat!

Ok, so I went on a date on Friday night, girls. Nice guy, says all the right things, but I think he's a "one night stand looker" in disguise! In other words, he speaks long term, but I think that's what he's looking for. I'm so hoping I'm wrong because I think he's a nice guy. But don't you think it's better when guys just come right out and say that's all they're interested in? I mean, then you can make an informed decision and feel okay about it. If the promise of something more is there and it's a false promise....well I just don't have enough *&^%$'s for those guys!!!! :-) Will keep you posted on the development.

speedy2697
12-04-2011, 07:58 PM
Had a reply typed & tried to submit when internet went down.:rolleyes:
momwannabe Ive reached a critical age when it comes to haveing a child, decided not to wait and am trying ai now.
Reference other posts on male attention, I sympathize. Seems the guys who find me attractive are not appealing to me. I really HATE when some think they're doing you a favor by paying you attention.
Don't know if its self esteem issues that are keeping me from finding a long term relationship or not. (certainly doesn't help!) I need to work on me first.
Came to the decision that I need to live my life for me. Work for what I want and not try to wait for something that might not happen.

Jojo381972
12-05-2011, 05:17 PM
Ok, so I went on a date on Friday night, girls. Nice guy, says all the right things, but I think he's a "one night stand looker" in disguise! In other words, he speaks long term, but I think that's what he's looking for. I'm so hoping I'm wrong because I think he's a nice guy. But don't you think it's better when guys just come right out and say that's all they're interested in? I mean, then you can make an informed decision and feel okay about it. If the promise of something more is there and it's a false promise....well I just don't have enough *&^%$'s for those guys!!!! :-) Will keep you posted on the development.

I know what you mean by having guys interested in you that you are not into. I have a guy friend who seems okay with just being friends. I'm okay with it as long as he doesn't try to make the moves on me.

Many guys are one night stand lookers imo. Hopefully you find out that is not what he is looking for. I think guys should come right out and tell you what they are looking for. I find it hard to find guys who want more than just sex. I think guys want to start something that way but don't let on they are looking for anything more than that. Does that make sense girls? I mean I wonder how come most of my friends have found someone nice. I've become so focused on myself that I don't have time for any crap that many guys seem to dish out. lol. I also am more upfront about what I'm thinking so they can decide up front that they want to see me again or not.

5aday
12-09-2011, 10:09 PM
Ladies I have a new question heading into the weekend. I often work on the weekend or have family obligations or go out with friends. This weekend I am looking forward to staying in a recharging my batteries. I plan to sleep late and read a few trashy novels and watch lots of football. Do you all have any ideas of how I might work some physical activity into the weekend? I am thinking maybe a walk if the weather holds up or even a drop in class if I can get myself together enough to make it out of the house in time.

Also any ideas for healthy snacks or meals that will be easy and maybe even a treat but not my old favorites (ribs, wings, burgers, ice cream, chocolate). I am thinking a trip to the farmers market to get lots of fruit, maybe stuff for a complicated salad, lean protein and ?????? My plan or diet is basically to eat clean whole foods. Any suggestions would be helpful this weekend and during the coming holiday break.

speedy2697
12-10-2011, 07:55 PM
5aday my sister makes a pepper steak that I'm going to try this week. sirloin or leaner cut of steak cut into thin strips, bell peppers, onions, can of mushrooms a little soy sauce and worcsetshire. more soy than worcestshire. brown steak strips off add other ingredients and cook covered. She usually serves with rice. ( which I have to skip now!). Also thought about using half of the steak, peppers, onions and seasoning with fajita seasoning to make a large salad.

5aday
12-10-2011, 11:48 PM
speedy- that sounds good and I am going to give it a try. I ended up making steel cut oatmeal with apple cider instead of water, mango chunks, and ginger. It was yummy but usually I do not have time to cook it. I did sweet potatoes and peas and sausage for lunch. I had kale, broccoli, brown rice and stew for dinner. I always try to get at least 5 fruits and veggies in a day. I managed to pass on the brownie and had yogurt and a peach for a snack... I hope you all are having a great weekend.

SophieSophieSophie
12-11-2011, 08:22 PM
Hells yes ! I'm 29, single, amazing job, no kids and no relationship. My weight is totally dependant on my current mental state, If I'm stressed - I eat, If I'm happy - eat...etc etc. I've stopped drinking as well, and that is having a major effect on my moods and social life. I am pretty determined to just finally lead a heathy life and not contstantly start a new diet every Monday. That behaviour only leads to perseved failures, which leads me to binge.

I WILL NOT LET THIS BEAT ME !!

5aday
12-13-2011, 07:49 PM
Sophie- I love your attitude!

tiffany0809
12-21-2011, 09:23 PM
I'm joining the party late, but another career focused single girl here! I've been single for well over a year now and my attempt at dating was awful! I tried match and eharmony this year and it was just terrible. I really believe that guys just don't want long term relationships these days. I know so many great women that just can't meet the right guys. Last January I decided that 2011 was the year I'd meet my future husband!!! Here we are at the end of December, and I've given up! Fortunately I've been able to maintain my weight for a couple years now so I'm focusing on my TWO jobs (one of them being a fitness instructor, YAY!) and getting my own hard core workouts done at least a few times a week.

5aday
12-21-2011, 11:10 PM
Hi Tiffany! Don't give up on finding Mr. Right...but maybe try a different approach. I am all about enjoying the journey. When dating is a chore I take a break, relax and recharge then get back out there. I like online dating but I know it is not for everybody. On the other hand I hate parties and clubs. I do not know where you live but I am in a big city and I have started attending meetups. If you are not familiar with them it is a website of interest groups organized around anything from art to beer to sports. they set up events were like minded people can meet. Some groups are singles oriented but it is not a dating site. maybe you have already tried this stuff but I thought I would give my 2 cents just in case. Dating as an adult is a challenge... I would love to hear what others have tried and like or hated.

tiffany0809
12-22-2011, 09:11 AM
5aday - I'm in New York City. Most people think that it would be easier to meet someone here (a boyfriend or even just friends), and I used to think so too. But it's not! My theory is that there are too many people and I'm just another face in the crowd. Men have a lot to choose from here. I've tried meetup but I've found that a lot of them fizzle out pretty quickly. I'm just doing my best to be friendly and do what makes me happy. Hopefully that will attract the right kind of attention someday! They say love finds you when you're not looking, right?? :)

Have you gone to any fitness meetups? I've gone to a few but it usually turns out to be Beachbody coaches trying to get me to sign up for something. Grr.

5aday
12-23-2011, 12:26 AM
Tiffany- I understand the feeling of being alone in a crowd. I grew up in the country were we knew not only our neighbors but everyone in the community. I am a member of a few meetups that do active things like hiking, biking and kayaking but none of them are exclusively fitness focused. I plan to join an adventure group when I increase my fitness level. I am not currently confident in my ability to keep up with the group at my current size.

I agree with your idea of doing what makes you happy and creating a full life is the best way to live whether you are in a relationship or not.

5aday
12-28-2011, 07:38 PM
I have the week off between Christmas and New Years... I do not have any big plans but the weather is gorgeous so I am trying to get outside and active everyday. Today I washed my car. I am ashamed to admit that is a big deal because my poor car is not washed very often.

How are you surviving this holiday season? Any big plans for New Years Eve?

tiffany0809
12-29-2011, 10:30 PM
Actually, along the lines of this thread, I do NOT have any plans for New Years Eve and of course it's depressing me!! There are a handful of days throughout the year that are more painful for me to be single, and this is one of them.

My vague plans are to stay home, make myself a yummy dinner and enjoy some wine. I probably won't be able to stay up til 12. LOL! :)

WhisperHeart
12-30-2011, 07:37 PM
All my friends are married and with kids. The last of my non married non kid friends.. Is married and is expecting in a few months. I am unwed, no children, no relationship for like 10 years, no job. Pretty pathetic life lol. But I guess I got used to it, much as I can anyway. No plans for new years, never have plans for holidays unless it consists of a lot of booze, which is actually quite rare. Gives me migraine strength hangovers. I generally hate holidays, makes me feel lonely.

5aday
12-30-2011, 10:11 PM
I have made an effort to avoid online dating sites this week. Even though I am still looking for Mr. Right and I have lots of free time this week I do not want to appear desperate. I will revamp my profile next weekend with the hope that people will be settled into the new year.

I have never had a romantic New Year's eve but so far I only spent a few alone. The last few years have been with family-parents, sisters, nieces and nephews. We have a sleep over at my parents' house that includes lots of snacking, talking, cards and board games. I am lucky to have family nearby that I enjoy spending time with... In my 20's I lived far away from family and I would attend watch night services or other new year's eve church events that lasted well past midnight.

Hang in there Tiffany and WhisperHeart. I hope 2012 is your best year yet!

PrairieGirl
12-30-2011, 11:14 PM
You just can't control when love is going to come your way. I guess putting yourself out there and being the best you is all you can do right?

I've been off and on online dating and it's been hot and cold. I met a few guys that were all right, a few that were just atrocious, and one guy that I fell so hard for. We dated for a few months and it was amazing for about 2 months and then he turned out to not quite be what he advertised. Or he went crazy I don't really know. But now, every time I meet a guy he gets compared to that last guy and no one lives up.

Another new year's eve alone is in store. I got invited out with friends but I just can't do the bar anymore. I feel too old, I don't want to be laughed at for being a cougar and I just don't enjoy it anymore. I am doing a race on the 1st though, it's a resolution run so that should be fun!

Streudel
12-31-2011, 02:06 PM
I'm a 38 year old recently divorced mother to a 14 year old who is happy to be free.

My ex-husband is paranoid schizophrenic. One of the things that helped to break up my marriage was my weight loss. He couldn't handle the change in my looks and my attitude.

After 23 years in an abusive relationship, I'm not ready to date any time soon. I would like to find a good man one day. I feel I deserve a real prince after the crap I dealt with. But if it doesn't happen, I'm still 110% better off than I was. :D

geoblewis
12-31-2011, 02:24 PM
Almost 51-year old single mother of two sons (19 and 14). We are spending the New Year at home. Just us. No drama, no trauma. Saved presents from Christmas to open tonight. Going to make a pot of chowder and some biscuits and watching a movie or two. Tomorrow, we're making cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and then taking a drive into the countryside.

We've been free for three years from 26 years of a bondage to a self-serving a-hole disguised as an upstanding pillar of the community. Despite enjoying my freedom (and the boys are doing great), it's this time of year when I get royally steamed about the past. Even this morning, I'm riding a wave of anger and resentment that keeps revisiting me like the ghost of husbands past. I don't want to be in this state of mind, and yet, here it is. Makes me want to overeat!!!

I was dumped for losing weight, becoming strong, creating my own identity and building a great community reputation. It's strange that the woman I was replaced with a week after the divorce was final was a woman who doesn't speak English well at all and is about 1/2 the size of a normal American woman. And she's only there to service X's needs. She isn't even refered to as the step-mother. She's only "his wife".

Perhaps I'll tape a picture of X to the kickboxing bag I have in the garage and have a go at it. That should get my heart rate up.

(I feel better for unloading this morning...thanks!)

5aday
01-02-2012, 09:50 AM
Happy 2012! I go back to work tomorrow. I am trying to have balance in my life in terms of personal and professional. I have a three social outings planned in the next two weeks and my goal is to follow through with attending the events. I often plan to attend fun stuff and then I back out. It might be that I am tired or do not feel like driving to an unfamiliar place in the dark or some other excuse. I am not standing up friends or breaking dates, these are things that I am attending alone or with a large group so I feel like I will not be missed. It is really not good for my health because when I stay in I am more likely to sit on the couch and snack. Does anyone else struggled with this, how have you pushed through? Once I go out I tend to enjoy myself, it is the getting out that get me. I tried inviting friends along but everyone is so busy with family and whatnot...

aliasihaya
01-02-2012, 12:12 PM
I'm single and getting tired of it. For the longest time it didn't really bother me. Sure I wanted the boyfriend for support and to have someone to do things with. But it wasn't a big deal to me. Once I hit my 30's the loneliness hit me pretty hard. I started to realize that I did want the husband and 2.5 kids. But my weight and health got pretty out of control and instead of dealing with it and getting healthier I spent a few years wallowing in it.

So this year I've really hit the whole weight thing hard. I've worked for the past 4 months really working on losing some weight and I haven't lost a pound. And no, I haven't lost inches either. I'm pretty discouraged. On top of that I joined online dating. I've been on for a year. All the big sites free and paid. And over a year I got maybe 10 bites and I found that they either had no profiles, no pictures, creepy pictures/profiles, or just wanted me because I was overweight. The whole experience has made me even more jaded and discouraged. And of course I had to do an experiment where I changed my picture to someone who was thin and averagely attractive. Not a super model, but not ugly. And overnight I got over 20 emails. So, yeah, I'm not really happy with the online thing. New Years day I cancelled all of my accounts. It was hurting more than helping.

So now it's 2012, and on Thursday I turn 36. I'm now considered high risk for pregnancy if I started tomorrow. But I'm overweight, single, with no kids and just plain lonely. It sucks. I wish I could say solidarity single people, but I'm just not there anymore.

As for why this post was originally started, yes I totally agree that we deal with different things than married folks do for weight loss. Just different challenges. So it is nice to meet some people who are going through the same difficulties. Good luck to everyone.

PrairieGirl
01-02-2012, 01:24 PM
Happy 2012! I go back to work tomorrow. I am trying to have balance in my life in terms of personal and professional. I have a three social outings planned in the next two weeks and my goal is to follow through with attending the events. I often plan to attend fun stuff and then I back out. It might be that I am tired or do not feel like driving to an unfamiliar place in the dark or some other excuse. I am not standing up friends or breaking dates, these are things that I am attending alone or with a large group so I feel like I will not be missed. It is really not good for my health because when I stay in I am more likely to sit on the couch and snack. Does anyone else struggled with this, how have you pushed through? Once I go out I tend to enjoy myself, it is the getting out that get me. I tried inviting friends along but everyone is so busy with family and whatnot...

I struggle with this. I force myself to go sign up for things so that I'm out of the house. I don't have a big group of friends where I live because I haven't lived here long and all I do is go to school and work. But even just signing up to take a bootcamp and being friendly with the other women, or volunteering for a community event, or saying 'yes' to office after hours events forces me to get out there. I'd say pick something at least once and a week and just do it. I've never regretted going out, but I'll often wallow in myself if I stay home (and eat lol). Good luck!

5aday
01-02-2012, 01:39 PM
aliasihaya- I also find myself unintentionally single, childless and 35+. Sometimes I am hopeful about the future and I can see enjoying a long life as a single woman or even as a part of a childless couple. Other days I seem to see babies everywhere... babies and couples. It sucks and I find myself mourning the loss of a life I thought I would live. I move through the stages of grief sometimes all in one day sometimes I drag through them over months getting bogged down in anger or depression... I am working towards acceptance.
Stages of grief...
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

5aday
01-02-2012, 01:55 PM
PrairieGirl- I am going to try to do one social thing a week. I have something identified for the first three weeks of January. This Saturday I am going to a live music event, next week it is open mic poetry, week three I will go to a Meetup over coffee with a group of about 25 people I met in December and the following day I plan to go to the art museum for a live jazz event...

geoblewis
01-02-2012, 04:09 PM
I've had the opportunity to start all over again. I moved back to my hometown almost three years ago. It was very slow going at first, trying to rekindle friendships and reconnecting with family. Eventually, I accepted that middle-aged people who already have a life don't tend to make room for new people in their lives. And the people I used to be connected to years ago, needed me to keep being that person...and I'm not!

So, all new friends now. It started with women I met in my Pilates class and through work. They are all people who support who I am and want to be now. They needed someone fun and cheeky, who keeps it light and real too. I can do that! I needed people who would call me if I didn't show up to class, or who keep me involved with my professional development. I'm looking at groups through Meet-up as well. Didn't have a lot of luck with that at first, but I'm learning I need to spend some gas money to find more people with whom I have things in common. I live in a small agricultural town and there's not a huge community of people who have even left town to travel to the next state. I'm looking for people who have lived!

I need to find some new things that are locally available for me to do too. But I'm NOT a quilter, not into book discussion groups, don't feel like volunteering at the local school. There's a belly dancing class I'm thinking about attending, but again, it's all women. Been taking some classes at a local cheese shop, but the only men that go are married to the women that drag them there. I go to some wine-tasting events, but single men aren't there unless they're gay. I don't do bars or nightclubs. I don't do church.

Maybe I should get a gym membership just to pump weights with the big boys.

Jojo381972
01-03-2012, 12:54 AM
Happy 2012! I go back to work tomorrow. I am trying to have balance in my life in terms of personal and professional. I have a three social outings planned in the next two weeks and my goal is to follow through with attending the events. I often plan to attend fun stuff and then I back out. It might be that I am tired or do not feel like driving to an unfamiliar place in the dark or some other excuse. I am not standing up friends or breaking dates, these are things that I am attending alone or with a large group so I feel like I will not be missed. It is really not good for my health because when I stay in I am more likely to sit on the couch and snack. Does anyone else struggled with this, how have you pushed through? Once I go out I tend to enjoy myself, it is the getting out that get me. I tried inviting friends along but everyone is so busy with family and whatnot...

I understand what you are saying here. I often end up not doing much and it is easy to just stay in and be comfortable with not doing too much. I find after awhile it can get very lonely though. When I get to that point, I push myself to go out. Even going to the gym is helpful, although not very social for me either. Yeah, it is tough when most of my friends are married and/or have kids and are very busy. I have a few married friends that like to go to the bar partying, but even that I'm trying not to do as much because I'm not 20 anymore, plus I end up drinking and eating too much.

Jojo381972
01-03-2012, 12:57 AM
I've had the opportunity to start all over again. I moved back to my hometown almost three years ago. It was very slow going at first, trying to rekindle friendships and reconnecting with family. Eventually, I accepted that middle-aged people who already have a life don't tend to make room for new people in their lives. And the people I used to be connected to years ago, needed me to keep being that person...and I'm not!

So, all new friends now. It started with women I met in my Pilates class and through work. They are all people who support who I am and want to be now. They needed someone fun and cheeky, who keeps it light and real too. I can do that! I needed people who would call me if I didn't show up to class, or who keep me involved with my professional development. I'm looking at groups through Meet-up as well. Didn't have a lot of luck with that at first, but I'm learning I need to spend some gas money to find more people with whom I have things in common. I live in a small agricultural town and there's not a huge community of people who have even left town to travel to the next state. I'm looking for people who have lived!

I need to find some new things that are locally available for me to do too. But I'm NOT a quilter, not into book discussion groups, don't feel like volunteering at the local school. There's a belly dancing class I'm thinking about attending, but again, it's all women. Been taking some classes at a local cheese shop, but the only men that go are married to the women that drag them there. I go to some wine-tasting events, but single men aren't there unless they're gay. I don't do bars or nightclubs. I don't do church.

Maybe I should get a gym membership just to pump weights with the big boys.

Congrats on starting over again. That takes alot of guts and grit to start your life anew and get rid of people that bring you down. It is hard to find certain types of people in small towns ime. I am in the wrong town for a person like me. Small towns can be boring and close minded. I joined the gym about a year ago, and I go often. It is nice to see people that are like minded getting in shape, and it is possible to chat up some people if you feel up to it. I highly suggest joining the gym. :)

Jojo381972
01-03-2012, 01:15 AM
I'm a 38 year old recently divorced mother to a 14 year old who is happy to be free.

My ex-husband is paranoid schizophrenic. One of the things that helped to break up my marriage was my weight loss. He couldn't handle the change in my looks and my attitude.

After 23 years in an abusive relationship, I'm not ready to date any time soon. I would like to find a good man one day. I feel I deserve a real prince after the crap I dealt with. But if it doesn't happen, I'm still 110% better off than I was. :D

Congrats on getting out of an abusive relationship. I bet it was not easy. Good for you girl! You deserve a prince... I think we all do (unfortunately there aren't many out there)..hehe. Enjoy your new freedom and life with your child. :hug:

seabiscuit
01-03-2012, 11:27 PM
My congrats to you too, Streudel for getting out of an unhealthy relationship.

I am single too. I'm not sure that I want romance in my life even though I still have profiles on the dating sites...:dizzy: One day at a time...

5aday
01-08-2012, 12:26 PM
I am enjoying the new year healthy eating push in the media and among friends. For me this is one of the easiest times for me to be health concision. No one bats an eye when I brown bag my lunch or skip the office treats. No one is bringing in cookies, organizing potlucks or passing out fudge. Coworkers want to take a walk at lunch and people are willing to meet at the gym. I know it will not last... soon talk of super bowl snacks and valentines candy will take over. But today is a good day!

PrettyMom09
01-12-2012, 04:57 PM
Hi, I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old girl and a 7 yr old girl. I work full time, and I have a wonderful career, but no husband, boyfriend or prospects. I recently moved to a new city, so I don't have any friends here either. The father of my kids and I broke up about 3 years ago, but I haven't have the courage to date anyone else. I have gained a LOT of weight since the last time I dated, so I feel very insecure. I'm hoping this year I get the courage to become more social and maybe even date a little.

KayNicole
01-13-2012, 12:57 PM
I only skimmed through this thread but I have to say that so many of you feeling the exact same way I feel. This should be a regular ongoing thread! Not to wallow in our own singleness or anything but it is nice to know there are so many other people feeling the same way and find support in that.

My husband is in the process of moving out. I know it is early and I am not technically single yet but I will be. I have never lived alone but I am looking forward to it. I have no kids, just my cat. Yay for being a single 30something with a cat! LOL Anyway since I have never really lived alone or been single for any real length of time I am really looking forward to spending a good year on ME before thinking about finding someone else.

I am not exactly sure how I feel about being single yet and I really have no idea how I will feel once I am really on my own so I look forward to finding encouragement from other singletons.

5aday
01-15-2012, 06:10 PM
I went out last night with a group and had a great time. I really should go out more often. The outing was not a meal but it was dinner time and food was available. I ordered food. the food was not very good and I only ate a few bites. I have gotten much better at not eating food just because it is there and paid for.

stronger4me
01-15-2012, 06:32 PM
I'm single and loving it! And I've found that regardless of my size, the confidence plays a big part in enjoying being single and in my body. Though nothing's quite moved forward yet, I've been meeting men everywhere and it feels good to have fun without so much pressure. I'm just out to enjoy myself, but happy to have time to focus on me.

Hopech
01-15-2012, 10:53 PM
This is my first day on this site and as I was looking through I thought everyone is married with kids. So I was about to leave this site when I saw this post I am so happy I found you all. I am single with no children. Although I am not sure if I want children I would like to be in a relationship but right now I am so uncomfortable with my weight I'm embarrassed to date. Anyway I am looking for people to keep me motivated and on the right track. I am counting calories and using gowear fit. Is anyone else doing this?

Hopech
01-15-2012, 11:03 PM
I went out last night with a group and had a great time. I really should go out more often. The outing was not a meal but it was dinner time and food was available. I ordered food. the food was not very good and I only ate a few bites. I have gotten much better at not eating food just because it is there and paid for.

Good for you! That is a great lesson to learn :)

Hopech
01-15-2012, 11:07 PM
I only skimmed through this thread but I have to say that so many of you feeling the exact same way I feel. This should be a regular ongoing thread! Not to wallow in our own singleness or anything but it is nice to know there are so many other people feeling the same way and find support in that.

My husband is in the process of moving out. I know it is early and I am not technically single yet but I will be. I have never lived alone but I am looking forward to it. I have no kids, just my cat. Yay for being a single 30something with a cat! LOL Anyway since I have never really lived alone or been single for any real length of time I am really looking forward to spending a good year on ME before thinking about finding someone else.

I am not exactly sure how I feel about being single yet and I really have no idea how I will feel once I am really on my own so I look forward to finding encouragement from other singletons.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! I think every women should live on their own at least once in their life. What you are doing tells me that you are a strong woman and I think you will be great. You go girl!!!! ;)

Hopech
01-15-2012, 11:11 PM
Hi, I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old girl and a 7 yr old girl. I work full time, and I have a wonderful career, but no husband, boyfriend or prospects. I recently moved to a new city, so I don't have any friends here either. The father of my kids and I broke up about 3 years ago, but I haven't have the courage to date anyone else. I have gained a LOT of weight since the last time I dated, so I feel very insecure. I'm hoping this year I get the courage to become more social and maybe even date a little.

What city do you live in now? You are going to lose that weight and you will have the have the confidence to date again!

5aday
01-16-2012, 12:36 AM
Hopech~welcome and thanks for the encouraging words. My plan is all about focusing on positive healthy habits...

sleeping 8 hours a night
eating 5 fruits or veggies a day
eating breakfast everyday
exercising at least 5 days a week
cooking and eating whole foods rather then eating out or buying highly processed foods
being aware of and limiting portion size

For me these are all doable. I am currently focusing on 5 fruits and veggies, portion control and sleeping. My goal is not to be thin but to be healthy and strong. These healthy habits have stopped the gain and increased my energy.

Hopech
01-16-2012, 12:24 PM
Hopech~welcome and thanks for the encouraging words. My plan is all about focusing on positive healthy habits...

sleeping 8 hours a night
eating 5 fruits or veggies a day
eating breakfast everyday
exercising at least 5 days a week
cooking and eating whole foods rather then eating out or buying highly processed foods
being aware of and limiting portion size

For me these are all doable. I am currently focusing on 5 fruits and veggies, portion control and sleeping. My goal is not to be thin but to be healthy and strong. These healthy habits have stopped the gain and increased my energy.

That sounds like a great plan, it's a lifestyle not a diet. I'm done dieting it doesn't work. What I am doing is basically eating what I want but I am counting calories and making sure I burn more calories than I consume. I'm eating what I want but counting the calories just so I can make sure I burn more than I eat. With that said I try to make better choices I don't go hog wild. My biggest probelm is that I don't eat enough protein and I eat way to many carbs. So this is what I am working on now and I think I'm going to do what you're doing and make sure I have 5 fruits and veggies a day.

PrettyMom09
01-17-2012, 02:33 PM
Thanks Hopech! I live in a suburb of Dallas where there are no single people over the age of 20. Maybe there are some, but I haven't met them yet. I am going to a dinner party tonight. The ladies in my neighborhood host a dinner party a each others homes once a month. I am trying very hard to be more social. I just hope I don't get tempted to lose my resolve and eat dessert.

KayNicole
01-17-2012, 03:08 PM
Thanks Hopech! I have my moments but it's going to be a positive change overall so I will be OK. I am also looking to lose weight before I even think of dating. I want to be the old confident me. I just think if I try to find someone in a vulnerable insecure state it just wont work out well for me.

5aday- I like your plan. I am kind of in the same boat as far as trying to get the healthy habits down before working in my weight goals. Once I am in the swing of things I find myself getting competitive and pushing for those goals even harder. But since it has been a year since I was in that mode (and 10 lbs heavier) I plan on a slow and steady start.

5aday
01-17-2012, 09:25 PM
Hopech- Focusing on the veggies helps me make better choices all day. I need to have a serving at all meals and when I have a snack I go for an apple with peanut butter or carrots with humus. it makes the empty calories less appealing when I only need one more for my goal of 5 that day.

Prettymom09- good luck at the dinner party... I read some place that socializing is good even if you there are not other single people there. You might make a new friend that has a single brother or just a new friend... enjoy

Kay- baby steps work best for me with my eating and dating lol

Hopech
01-17-2012, 10:18 PM
Thanks Hopech! I live in a suburb of Dallas where there are no single people over the age of 20. Maybe there are some, but I haven't met them yet. I am going to a dinner party tonight. The ladies in my neighborhood host a dinner party a each others homes once a month. I am trying very hard to be more social. I just hope I don't get tempted to lose my resolve and eat dessert.

It's ok to a little dessert you just can't do it everyday and just have a little. Why is it hard for you to be social? I'm just curious, for me it's not that I am not social it's that I'm so unhappy with my weight I don't want to go any where. Plus I don't fit into any of my clothes and I refuse to buy new ones.

Hopech
01-17-2012, 10:26 PM
Thanks Hopech! I have my moments but it's going to be a positive change overall so I will be OK. I am also looking to lose weight before I even think of dating. I want to be the old confident me. I just think if I try to find someone in a vulnerable insecure state it just wont work out well for me.

5aday- I like your plan. I am kind of in the same boat as far as trying to get the healthy habits down before working in my weight goals. Once I am in the swing of things I find myself getting competitive and pushing for those goals even harder. But since it has been a year since I was in that mode (and 10 lbs heavier) I plan on a slow and steady start.

KayNicole I am in the same boat and totally agree with you, I don't even want to date until I lose some weight. We'll get there!

PrettyMom09
01-18-2012, 11:41 AM
Hopech - I did ok at the dinner party. I had a small piece of dessert, so I'm not feeling guilty about it. I don't know why it is so hard for me to be social. I don't know if it's just my personality or if it's because I'm fat and embarrassed about it. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic dad. I could never bring friends home because I never knew when my dad would be drunk out of his mind. Now that I'm an adult, I like to take responsibility for my actions, so I try not to blame my dad for the way I am now. I have the power to change what I don't like, so I will.

Hopech
01-18-2012, 08:29 PM
What keeps everyone motivated? I need some inspiration lol.... I'm exhausted and I don't feel like exercising today and then I start thinking forget this it's to much work. Being on a diet makes me too hungry and miserable so I am counting calories and making sure I burn a lot more than I eat. It's easy but when I don't burn as much as I want I get frustrated and want to give up.

Hopech
01-18-2012, 08:36 PM
Hopech - I did ok at the dinner party. I had a small piece of dessert, so I'm not feeling guilty about it. I don't know why it is so hard for me to be social. I don't know if it's just my personality or if it's because I'm fat and embarrassed about it. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic dad. I could never bring friends home because I never knew when my dad would be drunk out of his mind. Now that I'm an adult, I like to take responsibility for my actions, so I try not to blame my dad for the way I am now. I have the power to change what I don't like, so I will.

Is it that you don't want to be social or you do want to be social and just don't know how? I believe that you will change what you don't like and I would be happy to support you along the way. Even though we can change and know what we SHOULD do it's not always the easiest thing to do. BTW great job going for a small piece of dessert! :carrot:

PrettyMom09
01-19-2012, 03:24 PM
Hopech - Thank you so much for your support!! I really really want to be social, but I don't know how. I freeze and I can't think of anything to talk about. I'm not a very funny person, so telling jokes is out of the question. When people take the time to get to know me, they really like me because I can act differently if I know someone well, but I get very stiff when meeting new people or when being with a big group.

KayNicole
01-19-2012, 03:57 PM
hopech- I am not all that great at self motivating too but I just keep telling myself that I will feel better after the workout and not working out will absolutely make me feel worse (even though you think you want to skip the workout) so I try to push through it. It doesn't always work but its something I try.

Prettymom- I am the same way. It takes me a really long time to warm up to people and act myself around them. This is the reason I am also not all that social. I will be working on the same thing!

PrettyMom09
01-20-2012, 03:44 PM
Kay - Maybe we can learn together. It is so much easier to make friends online :) Maybe we're afraid of rejection and don't even know it.

Hopech - As far as motivation goes, I just started my weight loss journey again this week, so I still have momentum. I keep telling myself that I'm only going to eat healthy and exercise for one day. Just for one day to prove that I can do it, then I start over the next day. If I start thinking that I have to lose over 100 lbs, I get too discouraged and want to give up. I have convinced myself that I deserve to have the kind of life I want, and I'm not letting food take that away from me. You can do it!!!

KayNicole
01-20-2012, 06:07 PM
PrettyMom- you're probably right. I used to always think I just didn't want to offend anyone or rub them the wrong way, I have an odd sense of humor and don't always follow the beaten path so really I think it comes down to the fact that I don't want to offend anyone... because I don't want them not to like me, right? Which is so backwards. :( I love your 1 day at a time plan, I really need to try that.

Hopech
01-20-2012, 07:10 PM
PrettyMom & KayNicole


You do deserve the life you want! I'm glad you realize that and are working towards that. I'm happy to support you both in any way that I can. I am a social person, I'm not overly outgoing but I have lots of friends and do a lot of social things but lately I don't want to go out because of my weight. I would rather my friends come over or we hang at someone's house. That way I can hide behind baggy clothes and I don't have to find something to wear. Anyway I brought that up because maybe I can help bring you out of your shell lol that is if you want help and if not that's fine too maybe we can just support each other on our weight loss journey. I love your idea of taking it day by day! I guess in a way I do that too, I've been trying to burn anywhere from 500-1000 calories more than I eat a day. So everyday I strive for that 500 and hope that I can do more but as long as I do that 500 I'm happy. I never actually said that to myself so I think I might try your idea, it's a good one.

BTW ladies my name is Cindy and it's nice to meet you both :D

5aday
01-21-2012, 12:17 PM
Hopech or should I say Cindy?- I want to answer your motivation questions... I think health is my biggest motivation. I have several friends that are ten or more years older the my 35 years. The health issues that they are dealing with scare the crap out of me. I know that 30 minutes of exercise and 5 servings of fruits and veggies improve my health even if I never loose 100 pounds.

To be honest I am also motivated by clothes... My jeans are currently to tight and I do not want to buy the next size up so I am motivated to get back on plan. I also would love to buy cute clothing that is not available or not flattering at my current size. I work with what I have but I will have some real fun when I leave the plus size clothing stores.

KayNicole
01-21-2012, 01:22 PM
Cindy- you're sweet! I do plan on being more social this year so hey, any tips you have I will gladly take. lol Oh and I also like to hang out at home or a friends place in relaxing clothes... I went to visit a friend in San Fran (which I have been to a bunch of times) so I thought we would have a quiet night of catching up. No, she wanted to go out on the town. What!? I didn't even take clothes for going out, I wore powder blue corduroy PJ pants, a long sleeve tshirt and a purple and black fleece jacket... to a bar in SF. :(

5aday- Clothes are a huge factor for me too. I refuse to buy the next size up and sometimes I even buy clothes on the tight side as a motivator. It doesn't always work lol but eventually I get to wear them. My weight is always yo-yoing. I don't do fad diets or anything, just sometimes I am fit and healthy and others I am lazy and eat terribly. That is part of why I think one day at a time is better for me.

5aday
01-22-2012, 11:16 AM
KayNicole- I buy clothes that fit at the time of purchase. Sometimes I grow out of my jeans lol. If they are too tight for three months and I have not done enough to fit back into them I buy at least one flattering outfit at my current size. I am trying to treat myself with pedicures and shopping rather then food. It is important for me to look good now and not wait until l reach goal. I find looking my best now motivates me to make better food choices and get some exersice in. When I stop putting effort into getting dressed in the morning I stop trying in other areas of my life.

PrettyMom09
01-23-2012, 03:01 PM
Hi Ladies,

Clothes is a huge motivator for me too. I haven't been able to wear beautiful stylish clothes in a very long time. I have to settle for the granny look because trendy clothes would not look good at all. I know there are a lot of plus size stores that sell the trendy clothes in bigger sizes, but they never look cute on me.

I am still having a hard time finding friends in my new town. HELP!! I know I should probably go out more, but who has time? My resolution for this year (apart from losing weight) is to make new friends.

Laura

grneyedmustang
01-24-2012, 09:58 PM
Add me to the list of singletons.

I'm almost 35, single, no children, and no prospects for a boyfriend or anything. I didn't plan on being 35 and eternally single with no kids; I feel like I'm in this "catch 22" because my parents emphasized that I needed to get my education and focus on my career as I got older.

Now that I've done that, my male friends are telling me that guys aren't interested in me because A) My accomplishments are intimidating or B) Guys don't feel "needed" when they date me. So what usually ends up happening is that I'm the "girl with the great personality" but more than likely, that's followed by "I don't like you like that".

But I still need companionship and want to feel loved! What gives?

So I guess I was damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I am currently seeing a therapist to get over feeling so lonely and also to stop being so frustrated with this one area of my life that I absolutely cannot control. I have driven myself crazy trying to analyze my "dating behaviors" and "what I'm doing wrong", trying to make sure that when I am dating that I do "everything right" - which has gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Add my weight issues (for the longest I thought that's why guys weren't interested, especially since I'm so tall and I feel like the jolly green giant most of the time) - and I can be pretty neurotic and hard on myself.

Working on all of the above, one day at a time. Glad I found you guys. :)

momwannabe
01-25-2012, 02:35 AM
Hi everyone. I'm actually the one who started this thread, and I'm so glad to see that there are single girls giving each other support! I was doing so well last year but, unfortunately, the holidays were my downfall. I went off plan from Christmas and haven't managed to get back on. Luckily I've still been eating fairly decently (except for jelly beans - my nemesis!) and still been gymming, but today the scale showed 69kgs, and I know it's just going to creep up again. So today I'm recommitting. So my question is: Can I come back please??

momwannabe
01-25-2012, 05:16 AM
Hopetech: I try and trick myself when I go to gym. If I can't face 40 minutes of cardio (my usual), I promise myself that I'll just do 15 minutes, or 20 minutes rather than not going. Inevitably when I get there, it feels good, so I do more. But if I want to stop at 20, I allow myself to. I'm of the mindset that any is better than none.

grneyed (that's a hard one to type!): I'm so with you!!!! I get told that I'm intimidating to men because of my profession and qualification (I have a master's degree - big whoop!). So I know what you mean! I keep thinking that the right one is going to think I'm great because of my profession, but it makes it hard in the meantime.

PrettyMom and KayNicole: Settle in girls - I'm soooo not usually one to pass out advice, but I have got to make you believe this: you are NOT responsible for other peoples' actions or feelings. Sounds simple, I know, but think about it. That's what you're doing when you're thinking about how you react around other people - you are taking responsibility for how they feel. If they don't like something you do, it's their responsibility to tell you that! Sorry, this is sounding so preachy - not my intention at all! I just want you girls to believe in yourselves!

KayNicole
01-25-2012, 11:51 AM
Thanks, momwannabe. I did not take your advice in a harsh way at all so no worries. I agree with what you said. I believe in myself... around people I know or feel comfortable around. lol I rarely put myself in the position of having to spark up conversations with total strangers so this isn't something I feel very often. I just worry about it now that I know my life is changing so much and I will likely find myself moving to a new town/state and having to meet people. I know I can do it though, I was a very social person years ago.

A friend of mine went on her first date after her fiance left her last fall (they were together 6 years). She called me a couple days later crying saying that somehow this guy broke her heart. I have to admit I kind of chuckled because he is 26, lives with his parents and didn't seem all that impressive to me but I was supportive. She put all her hopes and dreams into this guy and I can see myself doing the same thing. I am so glad I plan on taking this year to focus on me and not dating in any way!

grneyedmustang
01-25-2012, 12:27 PM
Momwannabe, thanks for the warm welcome! It's good to know that there are others with the same dilemma in our 30's. I guess misery does love company. :(

KayNicole - I have a tendency to do that as well with guys that I date. He could be the "biggest loser on the planet" but I'll still give him multiple chances to stick around. And even after I've seen plenty of red flags, I still let them hang around until I think enough is enough. I am going to keep trying to date, but I need to realize when the dude is a dud. (Chuckles at my corny a** joke - Kay I have an odd sense of humor as well!)

Also Kay and PrettyMom - I don't know if it's already been suggested, but have you tried meetup? I have relocated as an adult and needed to make friends, I've found some pretty decent girls through a few of my meetup groups.

KayNicole
01-25-2012, 12:50 PM
grneyed- Yep, I am exactly the same about guys. That's because we aren't quitters... lol But yes, I also need to figure out when enough is enough and cut my losses. When the time comes I will be using meetup and all avenues of meeting new people. I know I am the kind of person who needs a support group and good friends so its a must for me.

5aday
01-25-2012, 10:12 PM
I am a fan of the meetup site. It took a few tries to find the right group for me but I am now part of two great groups. I did not find the singles focused groups to work for me. I am instead meeting with a group of people that enjoy arts and culture events and another that likes coffee and networking.

I have the opposite problem with relationships. I am quick to walk away. I am working on not sweating the small stuff. There are still deal breakers like no smoking (I am asthmatic) and must be single (no married or other wise involved men), gainfully employed is nice lol. I do not tolerate meanness or much drama... I always think if it is not going to work why linger with the wrong one. Keep looking for the right one. I am sure you can see why I am still single...

5aday
01-28-2012, 12:24 AM
It is the weekend! Do you have any big plans? I am working, apartment hunting and spending time recommitting to my plan. This past week was very busy and I did not make the best choices. This weekend I plan to cook and shop and prep food for a successful week.

KayNicole
01-28-2012, 01:26 PM
I am sure you can see why I am still single...


LOL I worry about being that way when I start dating again. I am getting to the point where I don't feel like I have much time to waste on guys that don't seem right. Hopefully I will find a happy balance.

grneyed- I tried meetup years ago when I moved out here but didn't see much in my area, I am pretty sure it is bigger now though. I was just thinking this morning that I wish I had people to invite over (more than the 2 or 3 friends I have now) and thought of your suggestion. I will have to take another look.


This weekend is the big move out weekend for the soon to be ex. I am going to help him with big things tomorrow. I have had an emotional 24 hours though and I didn't expect to get emotional until after he was gone so now I am a little worried about how the weekend will go but I am still eager to get through it.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

5aday
01-29-2012, 08:53 AM
Kay- Good luck with the ex's move out. It is one of those days that is bound to suck.

PrettyMom09
01-30-2012, 10:31 AM
My last relationship was such a disaster, that I decided to take a very very long break from dating. My views on people in general changed completely, and now I have a very hard time trusting people. I think I am ready to give the whole dating thing another try, but I feel like I need to lose some weight first. I feel very insecure dating at this weight.

Kay - I hope your ex moved out without too much drama.

KayNicole
01-30-2012, 12:00 PM
5aday and prettymom- thanks, it started out as an emotional weekend but I got over it pretty quick. He got out with no drama. I was supposed to help him move the big stuff but he told me as we were loading the truck that he has a little body builder buddy who offered to help him unload the truck if I didn't want to help. So woohoo! Of course after pulling out all of his big things he left a path of destruction so I ended up staying home cleaning up. I literally didn't even wait 10 minutes before I moved my new table into place and hung a picture where his bookshelf had just been. So overall it went well but he is getting the very last of this things out this morning and when I get home today it will be the official point that he is gone and not coming back to stay. But I will be off shopping and have plans for most of the week so I hope to keep myself occupied.

I hope everyone is doing well and making it through another Monday.

grneyedmustang
01-30-2012, 12:58 PM
Good morning everyone!

Kay, it's good that the 'move out' went over fairly well. Hope you enjoyed your shopping trip too. :D

Prettymom, I understand and feel your pain. I was dating someone I met about a month ago. Last night he told me that he wasn't really looking for a relationship...so here we go again. I don't know why I even bother dating...I feel like I should just give up because it just seems hopeless.

Well, here's to a good day, I'm going to try and stay positive and not let the conversation with the guy send me into a depressive funk.

5aday
02-03-2012, 09:08 PM
Does anyone else find it hard to focus on more then like two or three big things. For example my job takes a lot of my time and energy. Dating requires time for going out and getting presentable and looking for someone worth spending anytime with. Of course successfully losing weight is time consuming. Now add to that I am moving. on the plus side it will just be a few miles away and I found a great apartment on my first visit. But I am now trying to do it in 30 days flat rather then taking a few months... my landlord is showing my current apartment and I am packing and cleaning. Jeez, I just want a nap or chocolate or the company of a good man... oh well break time is over so get back to cleaning the stove...

Spinach
02-03-2012, 10:26 PM
Hi there, I'm new to the thread and returning to 3fc after letting almost exactly the same thing happen to me and I let it completely stall me out and then regress. I totally understand what you're going through.
I got a job 40 minutes down the road with long hours and a huge canteen full of vending machines, slowly let my workouts slide and my healthy eating go completely away as I was so tired from work and the drive. I got a new apartment and was moving myself in over the course of a month staying between the two places where the thing I needed never seemed to be in the right location. I ate junk food and didn't run or go to Zumba.
And I was dating, like out on the market dating which meant lots of first dates... sighs.
I "only" went from 160 to 179, but regained a size and a half around my middle and lost all my hard earned tone (which makes me feel like it's actually another 15 pounds) Hindsight being 20/20 I would have used exercise as the stress release instead of food.

It all settled down after 6 months, and I regret not making myself at least get out and walk once a week to keep some momentum. I did find a nice guy who is into running and has just restarted P90x (he's a naturally slim guy that wants to bulk up so his nutrition needs make me stare at him like he's an alien).
I recommend dating "fitness style". Coffee while you walk in the park, a jog, a bike ride, hike in a nature reserve if there is one in your area. You can get some exercise in and screen the guy for the healthy lifestyle you want to live.

In summary... grins. You can juggle it, just don't lose your momentum, it doesn't have to be as hard as you are working now, but don't let yourself forget your goal!

KayNicole
02-06-2012, 05:11 PM
Hello my fellow singlets!

5aday- I am glad I am not the only one. I hope the moving is going well!


So I was invited to an F Valentine's Day party this weekend. It will just be a few ladies who have recently become single. I am looking forward to it.

moviegrl1737
02-08-2012, 05:30 PM
I am new to this thread, but definitely not new to being single. I feel like I have been my whole life.
I always figured as some people have said it would just happen. I would meet someone and blammo. But it didn't happen. I live in a small town where it seems like everyone knows everyone (though somehow I know OF more people than I actually know). I really thought by this point in my life I would be in a different place, but here I am 35, and never in a real relationship.
I've struggled with my weight for nearly my entire life, and I have all the self esteem issues that go along with it. I'm lucky to be close with my family, and have them live close by, but as my parents age, my niece goes off to college and my sister moves on, I find I don't really have much else.
I've tried on-line dating and in the nearly two years, I've been on a total of 3 dates, none of which amounted to a second. I'm tired, and happy to have found a group of people that understand what I'm going through.

surfergirl2
02-09-2012, 07:52 PM
So glad to see i'm not alone! I felt really sad after my last breakup, and then i was trying online dating which sucked. Finally i decided to just forget about dating and focus on myself. I'm just going to work on losing weight and getting fit. An added bonus of not dating is that i don't have to figure out how to fit the dinners and drinks into my diet. I really hope i meet a good guy someday though. I don't see that happening anytime soon though...not very optimistic about the whole dating thing right now.

grneyedmustang
02-09-2012, 10:12 PM
Moviegirl and surfergirl, your experiences sound like mine!

So glad to see i'm not alone! I felt really sad after my last breakup, and then i was trying online dating which sucked. Finally i decided to just forget about dating and focus on myself. I'm just going to work on losing weight and getting fit. An added bonus of not dating is that i don't have to figure out how to fit the dinners and drinks into my diet. I really hope i meet a good guy someday though. I don't see that happening anytime soon though...not very optimistic about the whole dating thing right now.

This is exactly what I decided to do after I got my last "thanks for playing but you're not a winner" card a few weeks ago. I'm trying to be more positive about this whole dating situation, but when you keep getting the same result over and over again, it's hard.

Not to mention Singles Awareness Day (also known as SAD) is coming up...LOL. Kay, that party sounds fun!

Here's to us!!! :D

surfergirl2
02-10-2012, 12:27 AM
Moviegirl and surfergirl, your experiences sound like mine!



This is exactly what I decided to do after I got my last "thanks for playing but you're not a winner" card a few weeks ago. I'm trying to be more positive about this whole dating situation, but when you keep getting the same result over and over again, it's hard.

Not to mention Singles Awareness Day (also known as SAD) is coming up...LOL. Kay, that party sounds fun!

Here's to us!!! :D

Yep...and I was particularly glad to see this thread on the 30somethings forum because I feel it just gets harder as you get older. It's especially hard at my age (33) because everyone is having babies and I'm really starting to face the fact that I may never. Which is ok...but when you combine that with a breakup, it adds up to a whole lot of feeling sorry for yourself. But that's all in the past now!

moviegrl1737
02-10-2012, 07:51 AM
Around 28 most of my friends had gotten married and had children which left little room in their lives for their single pal. I made new younger friends and lo and behold they went ahead and got married without me too. The second round of weddings was worse. It could be perceived but I have had independent corroboration that this second group of friends really just treats me like an oddity for being single and what they now consider old. I put up with it for a long time in the name of fun but have started distancing myself because I need no help feeling bad about my situation. Anyone else experience this?

grneyedmustang
02-10-2012, 10:24 AM
Around 28 most of my friends had gotten married and had children which left little room in their lives for their single pal. I made new younger friends and lo and behold they went ahead and got married without me too. The second round of weddings was worse. It could be perceived but I have had independent corroboration that this second group of friends really just treats me like an oddity for being single and what they now consider old. I put up with it for a long time in the name of fun but have started distancing myself because I need no help feeling bad about my situation. Anyone else experience this?

That's been my experience as well. And there were times where I wondered if the exclusion was intentional...for example, one of my friends back home started hanging out a lot more with people who had children. Even though I might not want to be involved in "kid friendly" activities all the time, they might do things like have a girls night out and somehow she "forgot" about me. WTF?

But I must admit, I've had a few good friends though who haven't treated me like an outcast because I'm single and childless. I made a vow that I wouldn't be "that person" if I ever find a husband and/or have kids.

moviegrl1737
02-10-2012, 09:08 PM
But I must admit, I've had a few good friends though who haven't treated me like an outcast because I'm single and childless. I made a vow that I wouldn't be "that person" if I ever find a husband and/or have kids.

I'm envious, I had a single friend who was very active and lots of fun but when she got a boyfriend that was it. Sometimes she would make plans and cancel them as I was sitting in her driveway waiting for her.

5aday
02-11-2012, 05:29 PM
I am right there with you all on the friends issue. For years I struggled with trying to keep friendships I had out grown or at least we were at very different places in our lives. I have recently found the meetup groups are good for making new friends. I stopped going to the singles focused ones and now attend ones that come together around a shared interest. Some people are single and some are married but all are out and often open to making new friends. I have a diverse but small group of friends ranging in age from the 20's to the 60's. Some have children and some do not. Some are married or in relationships and others are single. life gets complicated and relationships change so this year I am working on strengthening my current friendships and cultivating new friends. Even though I do not have children or a husband I have changed over the years. One example is now that I am trying to live a healthier life style it strains some friendships that are based on bonding over food. I keep suggesting we try new things that do not involve eating like browse the museum or volunteer together or attend an event. When you go out with friends what types of activities do you prefer?

Rechyl
02-11-2012, 05:48 PM
so as of 5 hours ago im now a singleton. we were together for 8 years (since i was 18). not sure how i feel about it yet.

PrettyMom09
02-13-2012, 03:13 PM
It is also very hard to make or keep friends when you become a single parent. I meet a lot of other moms through my kids' activities, but the minute they find out I'm single, they tend to act differently. I guess there is still a stigma for all of us single mothers. I am an educated woman with a career, but a lot of other mom's just can't get past the fact that I am a single mother.

KayNicole
02-13-2012, 07:09 PM
so as of 5 hours ago im now a singleton. we were together for 8 years (since i was 18). not sure how i feel about it yet.


I am sorry Rechyl, I am am new to the single world too (we had been together for 11 yrs and married for 6). I have my moments of feeling great about it and other moments when I feel the doom and gloom of divorce. Honestly I feel pretty bipolar lately since it's all a roller coaster. Just last night I was watching AFV and laughing hysterically at some adorable baby and then instantly feel like crying since I wont have one for years to come if at all. :dizzy: I know that time heals though so I am doing well. I hope you are feeling optimistic! You will probably have your highs and lows but you aren't alone!



Well my F V-day party went well. :) And my close single friend is going out with me for valentines lunch tomorrow... we are having a potluck in my office and I just didn't want to be there and hear the questions about how my husband is doing (people at work don't know I am going through a divorce).

Anybody else have any plans for V-day? I think I might be my own valentine... make myself a damn good dinner, watch a movie of my choice and soak my feet or take a bubble bath or something. :dancer:

moviegrl1737
02-13-2012, 10:06 PM
I plan to ignore the fact it's valentines day which is a holiday I've always found stupid.
I will instead plan a mini celebration for what I hope will be a weight loss at my weigh in tomorrow

KayNicole
02-15-2012, 12:39 PM
I hope the weigh in goes well Moviegrl!!

Munchy
02-16-2012, 02:00 PM
It is also very hard to make or keep friends when you become a single parent. I meet a lot of other moms through my kids' activities, but the minute they find out I'm single, they tend to act differently. I guess there is still a stigma for all of us single mothers. I am an educated woman with a career, but a lot of other mom's just can't get past the fact that I am a single mother.

I'm lucky in that I have a lot of people that I've kept close friendships with over the years, but I completely agree when it comes to new friendships. Most of my friends don't have relationships or kids, but there are a few that have children much older than mine, one of which is a very good friend who is also a single mother, and her daughters have adopted my daughter as a "little sister." As a matter of fact, my other friends with kids are also single, so maybe that makes a difference.

I'm the only mother who doesn't sit outside of my daughter's dance class (her school assumes responsibility at that time), but on the off-chance that I've been able to leave work early, I just can't relate to most of the other mothers' conversations. My daughter is with my ex husband every other weekend, so I still have "me" time where I like to go out and socialize. Judging from the weekend plans they discuss, it feels like we have very little in common.

I'm also lucky that I like to go out alone if none of my friends are available when I'm free. I love karaoke, dancing, trivia, and I have no qualms about just striking up a conversation with a stranger.

KayNicole
02-17-2012, 03:24 PM
Munchy- I wish I were more like you. I seem to avoid new people the older I get. I don't think I have ever gone out to eat by myself. And as much as I love to sing and would love to do karaoke... I would need at least 3-4 drinks before that happens. LOL

christyk28
02-17-2012, 05:25 PM
Hi everyone! I'm so glad to find this thread!! I was fixing to start my own for the same reason lol. I am single (have been for a while) and I had tried all those dating websites (I yell at eharmony when it comes on lol) and the guys in my area that are on there are just looking for one thing or they aren't attracted to me. I know that there is someone out there for me but I don't think I'm where I need to be mentally and and health wise for God to introduce us...lol if that makes sense? I'm hoping to lose 100 lbs this year and after that I'm going to focus on dating again :)

KayNicole
02-17-2012, 05:53 PM
Welcome Bananas!

surfergirl2
02-22-2012, 05:23 PM
Hi everyone! I'm so glad to find this thread!! I was fixing to start my own for the same reason lol. I am single (have been for a while) and I had tried all those dating websites (I yell at eharmony when it comes on lol) and the guys in my area that are on there are just looking for one thing or they aren't attracted to me. I know that there is someone out there for me but I don't think I'm where I need to be mentally and and health wise for God to introduce us...lol if that makes sense? I'm hoping to lose 100 lbs this year and after that I'm going to focus on dating again :)

That's a great idea, although i wouldn't focus so much on a number, but just whenever you feel good enough about yourself that you feel ready to date again. I did the same thing less than a month ago--gave up dating and decided to focus on myself. I am SO much happier than i was a month ago. I even decided this morning that i forgive my ex. Well...let's not get too crazy...i don't entirely forgive him...but i'm no longer focused on my anger toward him. I haven't even lost much weight but i feel like i'm a healthier and happier person. It's all in the mindset, i realized.

my2cats
02-28-2012, 01:09 AM
So I've never seriously dated and I'm actually the same weight I was in college, but I've recently become more confident. And I seem to be attracting guys. This is completely bizarre to me and has never happened before... and I don't think I'm handling it well. To be entirely honest I've been a little bit of a ho. Nothing extreme, but going off with guys at parties and making out. Also kissing guys I shouldn't or that I hardly know. It's very out of character for me.

It's not that I feel peer pressured and like I have to do it - it's more like "what the heck is going on" just surprise and confusion. And usually alcohol is involved. But I'm not unwilling or feeling bad about it (though I feel like I should be?). I just feel like I'm heading for trouble but I'm not sure what to do about it. It feels like the alternative is to go back to being a complete hermit like I was before.

I also find I can't tell if guys just want to be friends or are interested - I have no radar for it, unless they're literally all over me.

I realize this post makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I feel like the fabled kid who was raised by wolves trying to socialize with people. I just don't know how to act or pick up on the social cues. I'm friendly all the time to everyone and I think it comes off as flirting too.

YampyPie
02-28-2012, 01:09 PM
Totally subscribing to this thread! :) I read through the whole thing & a lot of what you ladies posted resonates with me. I've officially been single since 2006...dated off & on with usually less-than-stellar results. I can definitely relate to the frustrations expressed!

KayNicole
02-28-2012, 03:22 PM
My2cats- I would not consider you to be a bit of a ho from your post! ;) It sounds like you are gaining confidence and just learning to balance that. I went through this when guys first started noticing me and I remember feeling good about it. I was just having fun with the fact that I could attract someone if I wanted because I never felt like I could before. My sister also went through the same thing after getting divorced and losing some weight. I think you are completely normal and the surprise and confusion over it will fade. You will start to get a handle on your own sex appeal and how guys react to it. It's just an awkward transition period.

Yampy- Welcome!! Great picture.

grneyedmustang
02-28-2012, 05:03 PM
So I've never seriously dated and I'm actually the same weight I was in college, but I've recently become more confident. And I seem to be attracting guys. This is completely bizarre to me and has never happened before... and I don't think I'm handling it well. To be entirely honest I've been a little bit of a ho. Nothing extreme, but going off with guys at parties and making out. Also kissing guys I shouldn't or that I hardly know. It's very out of character for me.

It's not that I feel peer pressured and like I have to do it - it's more like "what the heck is going on" just surprise and confusion. And usually alcohol is involved. But I'm not unwilling or feeling bad about it (though I feel like I should be?). I just feel like I'm heading for trouble but I'm not sure what to do about it. It feels like the alternative is to go back to being a complete hermit like I was before.

I also find I can't tell if guys just want to be friends or are interested - I have no radar for it, unless they're literally all over me.

I realize this post makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I feel like the fabled kid who was raised by wolves trying to socialize with people. I just don't know how to act or pick up on the social cues. I'm friendly all the time to everyone and I think it comes off as flirting too.

You are not alone in this boat. We could probably trade stories. LOL. :D

PrettyMom09
02-28-2012, 06:07 PM
I think one of the things that hurts the most about gaining weight is that I became invisible to men. I didn't have any problems attracting guys when I was at a normal weight, but now it seems like I've become invisible to the opposite sex. I'm not confident enough to date right now, but it's still bothers me that this is happening.

So, I wanted to say to all of you who have lost weight and are now feeling more attractive, ENJOY IT!!!

moviegrl1737
02-28-2012, 09:38 PM
Sorry to report that I seem to still be invisible to men.
I recognize this is likely due to my own standoffishness which was cultivated over years of being a kicked puppy but I honestly thought the weight loss would lead to better things and newfound confidence and an easiness I never had in social situations. Nope, maybe when I hit goal.

PrettyMom09
02-28-2012, 10:28 PM
Moviegirl - Congratulations on your weight loss!! I feel for you. I hate that feeling of being invisible. I didn't have problems getting men to notice me before, but I've always been very uneasy in social situations. Maybe that's something that we can work on while we work on our weight issues.

MrsCake
03-02-2012, 02:00 PM
I think one of the things that hurts the most about gaining weight is that I became invisible to men. I didn't have any problems attracting guys when I was at a normal weight, but now it seems like I've become invisible to the opposite sex. I'm not confident enough to date right now, but it's still bothers me that this is happening.

So, I wanted to say to all of you who have lost weight and are now feeling more attractive, ENJOY IT!!!

This is so true! With every pound that I gained I felt that the opposite sex seemed to be less and less interested in me. I eventually lost all confidence and wasn't able to date for a whole year. But I have a great feeling that with every pound I will successfully lose I will gain more confidence :carrot:

KayNicole
03-05-2012, 05:31 PM
So have I told you ladies about the runner I see at lunch from time to time?:cloud9: My goodness this guys is such a dreamy beefcake. He never looks tired and sometimes he runs with a log over his neck and shoulders.... I mean a 7 ft long tree trunk of a log! He is such an inspiration, and a pretty one at that. :yes: I just thought I would share that mental picture. Anyway he makes me think that I want to meet someone who is active and healthy (to help inspire me) but that means I have to also be active and healthy in order to even end up with someone like that. lol SO I guess I will continue to focus on myself in the mean time. ;)
How are you all doing?

MrsCake
03-06-2012, 10:07 AM
I was scared for a second there, that you meant some another kind of log :devil:

PrettyMom09
03-06-2012, 10:44 AM
Kay - Thanks for the mental pic!

Last night I came across an email from match dot com with a list of potential dates for me. I clicked on a few out of curiosity. I found it very interesting that the two "chubby" guys on the list were asking for potential dates to be either "slim" or "trim and toned". What gives??? I found it very interesting that these guys would not give a chubby girl a chance even though they are chubby themselves.

KayNicole
03-06-2012, 11:27 AM
Haha MsCake, that would by a scary yet intriguing mental picture!

pretty- Guys kill me sometimes. They often aim out of their own league. OR you see the guys that used to be jocks and now have let all that muscle turn to fat over the years but still see themselves as a strong, not quite as trim, guy who should be dating cheerleaders. Personality plays a huge role in someones attractiveness and it is sad when people wont even give that a chance.

silentarctic
03-08-2012, 07:46 PM
my2cats - I'm sure you'll get use to it eventually. I think its normal to be unaware of social cues especially if you've been big your whole life. I've never had anyone flirt with me at all. EVER. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if it ever happened!

PrettyMom -I think it's one of those imbalance things. At least they have laid it out there so you don't waste your time with them knowing that you have different priorities. :)

I think I'm a bit lonely lately. I try not to be . My BFF always complains and says its not fair that we are in our 30's and haven't found love let. I try to be the positive one and say that its better than being stuck in a crappy relationship. And I do love my freedom. I guess I just wouldn't mind it if a guy found me somewhat attractive once in a while.

That said i am tired all the time lately and TBH i don't have the energy to look after a pet let alone a child right now so its probably good I don't have any (children or pets!).

YampyPie
03-09-2012, 11:46 PM
@Kay: Thank you! :)

So I'm spending Fri. night alone w/ some moscato. Lol. How are y'all doing?

grneyedmustang
03-10-2012, 12:01 PM
@Kay: Thank you! :)

So I'm spending Fri. night alone w/ some moscato. Lol. How are y'all doing?

Sounds like my kind of Friday! Lol.

Mine was about the same. Just Riesling instead of Moscato.

KayNicole
03-12-2012, 12:09 PM
Riesling is my drink! :D

Well I have had a stupid hormonal week in which I have not enjoyed my single status. Then on top of that, without getting into a big back story, I ran into someone on Friday night who would equate to running into your enemy or ex. I was supposed to meet up with friends for a much needed girls night out. I got there first, walked in, saw the dreaded person and walked right back out. I ended up going home. I can't wait to go out and enjoy my single status. But until my divorce comes through that won't be happening and it will be at least 6 months. :( I really hate being in limbo.

I hope you all had a great weekend though!

grneyedmustang
03-12-2012, 01:13 PM
Riesling is my drink! :D

Well I have had a stupid hormonal week in which I have not enjoyed my single status. Then on top of that, without getting into a big back story, I ran into someone on Friday night who would equate to running into your enemy or ex. I was supposed to meet up with friends for a much needed girls night out. I got there first, walked in, saw the dreaded person and walked right back out. I ended up going home. I can't wait to go out and enjoy my single status. But until my divorce comes through that won't be happening and it will be at least 6 months. :( I really hate being in limbo.

I hope you all had a great weekend though!

Awww that sucks! Hang in there, and hopefully those 6 months will fly by.

PrettyMom09
03-13-2012, 02:33 PM
silentartic - Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely, but like you said, it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. At least you are free to do whatever you want with your time.

YampyPie - I spent most of my weekend by the fire watching movies at home. It was raining here most of the weekend, so I didn't feel like going out. Some moscato would have been a great idea.

I know I posted about the guys on the online dating site, but I'm not ready to do that yet. I feel very insecure about my body right now, so I've decided to not date for a while. I'm sure there will come a day when I feel like I'm ready to try again, but not right now. I miss the companionship, but I am happy being single.

Munchy
03-13-2012, 02:54 PM
I love being single. I was married, I'm a single mom and I'm SO HAPPY with my life as a single person who can do whatever they want. The problem I have is that every person I date casually (where I even spell out that it's casual) ends up wanting a serious relationship.

It's ridiculous. Sometimes I think the more you don't want something, the more it falls into your lap.

KayNicole
03-14-2012, 11:45 AM
That is so true Munchy!

KayNicole
03-14-2012, 03:16 PM
pretty- I know what you mean about the dating sites. I made an account on a site and clearly put in my profile that I am not looking for anything yet, I am just getting my feet wet and checking out the dating scene while I wait for my divorce to come through. OMG I was bombarded with messages! I thought I was going to quietly fly in under the radar and check it out but nope. I have to admit it has been a boost to get so much attention from good looking guys at that but I know that 98% of them are dogs so I am not about to even think about it! LOL But after creating that account I don't feel like an invisible divorcee that's for sure! Too bad reality is so different. ;)