40-Somethings - Weight Loss Confessions




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guacamole
10-26-2011, 10:45 AM
I found two threads that really spoke to me in the 20-somethings and 30-somethings forum (the links are below). I thought maybe we could try to do this here on the 40-somethings and see if our responses are similar or different based on age and experience. The only rules are to be honest and not to judge anyone's confessions about their weight loss journey. You can post more than once. I feel like most of my confessions have already been highlighted in the two other threads, so this may be more of a copy and paste exercise for me. Here are some of my weight loss confessions -

~ I always got mad at my doctors when they suggested that weight loss would resolve some of my health issues - I felt it was "fat discrimination" and an easy way for them to shirk diagnosing and solving my health problems. To my chagrin, since I have begun to lose weight, some of my health issues have been resolved. I know that I still have some health issues that would be resolved if I would lose more weight.

~ On a related note - I confess that secretly I wish there was a clinical reason for me being so fat.

~ I would love to be able to look good in a bathing suit again.

~ I am afraid of what my tummy and breasts will look like when I am done losing weight.

~ I constantly feel like I am just passing time until I fail, again.

~ I worry that the closer I get to goal, the easier it will be to get lazy and go back to old ways.

~ I confess that I automatically look around a room/event/whatever to see if I'm the fattest person there. I'm thrilled when I'm not.

~ My goal weight is 130lbs, but my super-secret goal weight is 115lbs.

~ If the scale goes up at all it discourages me and makes me want to give up the weight loss battle.

~ I confess that I sometimes wish I would get a curable sickness that would just make the fat fall off.

~ I confess that I feel like fat is "contagious," meaning that if you surround yourself with heavy people, it will cause your own weight to rise. I feel this way because I was very thin when I married my overweight husband (his entire family has weight issues). My friends at the time (exercise buddies and very skinny themselves) used to tease me about why I was dating someone overweight when I was so fit (what can I say - I loved the guy despite his weight!). I wound up being influenced by his negative eating habits and now, many years of marriage later, we are both overweight. I also logically know I have no right to blame him for my bad choices - but emotionally, I still secretly do.

~ I almost never get on the floor to play with my 6 year old because I can't get comfortable on the floor and I can't get back up without stumbling, huffing, and great effort. This becomes more difficult to avoid when we are at playgroups, children's museums, or doing mom/kid classroom activities.

~ I am afraid of the attention I might attract when I am thin - both from women (jealousy/cattiness) and men (flirting/suggestive comments). Since getting fat I have become invisible - and sometimes it's kind of nice. Strange, how the larger we become, the less people notice us!

~ ETA - this is probably the most important and secret confession for me. I am terrified that my daughter is going to become overweight. She has put on a great deal of weight over the past year since hitting puberty, and I am afraid she is going to keep piling on the pounds. She eats a lot (she is a growing girl!), but how much of it is emotional overeating? I don't want to become the food police and make her self-conscious or think that I am calling her fat. So far, I have not commented on her food intake. I was so much smaller/thinner than she is at her age, and now nobody would guess that I had ever once been thin! Had I started out at my current weight during my youth, I would probably be twice my size today (at the rate I have gained weight throughout the years). If she keeps up this weight gain, I am afraid she will be obese during her teens and 20s - a time when she should be looking her best! I don't want her to suffer, and also - shamefully - I don't want to feel embarrassed about her weight or have people blame me for it ("Why don't you put her on a diet?" "Well, what do you expect from her - look at the mother!").

That's it for now. Is anyone brave enough to add their own confessions?


Weight Loss Confessions 20-somethings (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/204109-weight-loss-confessions.html)


Weight Loss Confessions 30-somethings (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/30-somethings/205414-weight-loss-confessions.html)


mgruce
10-28-2011, 06:08 AM
After being in an abusive relationship when I was young and going through purging and not eating, I have always been obsessed with my weight. I confess it has taken over my life and has affected it negatively at times. I feel I tried every OTC product, WW, South beach.. I realize I have no idea how to lose weight. I try to eat right and I have started exercising every day. When I look at myself in the mirror I see someone 200's heavier. I feel like a failure because I dont know how to lose weight. When you face the battle alone, you only beat yourself up. Thats my confession

guacamole
10-28-2011, 09:40 AM
mgruce - ((hugs)) That was a brave confession!

You know, I told myself that I would delete this thread if no one responded today. I was feeling pretty vulnerable with all this stuff hanging out there and no one participating. This topic really seemed to take off in the 20s and 30s forum, but I guess us older ladies aren't as forthcoming! Thanks for responding! :hug:


magraba
10-28-2011, 04:26 PM
- when (if!) someone pays me a compliment about the way i look, i automatically think he/she is making fun of me.
- i feel better among people who are bigger than me: i love the feeling of being thin!
- i only buy clothes to cover myself, not to get dressed! i don't enhance myself when i am overweight

cant think of anything else now, but i am sure there are other issues... will post them as soon as they come to my mind!

guacamole
10-28-2011, 05:53 PM
I can relate to all the things on your list! Especially the part about dressing to cover up - kind of like putting drape cloths over furniture when you are painting the house! I liken myself to a sofa!

mgruce
10-28-2011, 07:19 PM
Oh yes... I buy clothes to cover up!

I always think when we go places or do things "am I going to be the fattest one there", 'is everyone looking at me' .. I have very poor self esteem. I am trying to work on that, but years of being mentally and physically abused, doesnt change over night..( or in 20+ yrs)..

I love this post. Sounds terrible, but hearing people do some of the same things I do or feel like I do at times, makes me feel I am not alone..

magraba
10-29-2011, 11:41 AM
ok, here is something connected to my being a mother. Confession of a fear.
I had my first diet when I was about 14 – did not need it but I felt I was enormous. And everything started… the famous yo-yo effect which made me gain a lot of weight, the continuous dieting, the starvation Vs the binge… and it went on for years and years.
I could reach my goal after my daughter was born and kept it for over 10 years, then I stopped smoking and I returned to comfort food... I gained a lot of weight and here I am again.
My confession? I wouldnt want my daughter to start a diet.
She is petit: 13 years old, 4.8 tall, about 73 pounds, not even developed yet. And a few days ago she said to me: “mum, my bottom is getting really big”.
I was nearly getting a stroke!
Ok, she is not me. She might not make the same mistake, but I am terrified that she might become fat by trying to lose the weight which is only in her mind….
p.s. - and I don’t even want to think about eating disorders. Even worse.

Candi44
10-30-2011, 12:29 PM
My confessions
- I monitored my son intake of food because I didn't want him to live his youth as a fat kid
- I have no thyroid so I take a higher dose than necessary in hopes I will loose weight easier faster
- I hate the way I look naked
- I think men only want to be with me is because they think I am easy because I am fat
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I have stopped communicating with any friends I had because I don't feel comfortable at social events

Those are just some of my confessions

kirsteng
10-30-2011, 07:37 PM
My confessions
- I monitored my son intake of food because I didn't want him to live his youth as a fat kid
- I have no thyroid so I take a higher dose than necessary in hopes I will lose weight easier faster
- I hate the way I look naked
- I think men only want to be with me is because they think I am easy because I am fat
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I have stopped communicating with any friends I had because I don't feel comfortable at social events

Those are just some of my confessions

Hi candi,

You and I are in the same boat! I also have no thyroid (did you have thyroid cancer too?) and have taken too much in the past as well in a misguided attempt to kickstart my weight loss. I just ended up with heart palpitations. :lol:

kirsteng
10-30-2011, 07:44 PM
Some of these really rang true for me too... like the not wanting to get off the floor when playing with my kids when other adults are around so no one will see that it takes a bit of effort... like monitoring my daughter's food intake so she won't end up a fat kid...

Also:

* secretly dreading airline travel as I am never sure if my a** will fit in the seat. Now that I have 3 children I can use some of their space, but I always hate the take off and landing, when you have to lower the arm rest.

* eyeing up chairs with arms to make sure I can fit in them before sitting down.

* not wanting to wear a skirt in sticky weather because of the thigh-abrasions I always suffer...

* I dread going to the beach when I will be wearing a swimsuit. Even worse if there are other inlaws, friends or extended family also in attendance. I hate the feeling of the coverup being removed and the breeze touching my bare thighs.. I feel like all eyes on the beach turn to me and think 'whoa, would you look at the THIGHS on HER!"

* wondering if people think I look enormous next to my husband

Those are just some.. I bet I could come up with lots more! :o

Moondance
10-31-2011, 01:08 PM
Everyone has touched on mine, espcially you Guac with the sickness one.

*I confess I'm afraid if I lose the weight and someone doesn't like me, I can't blame it on the fat. They really don't like me.

*I confess I like it when I'm not the fattest one in the room (and I always check).

*I confess I feel inferior to thin women; as if they look down on me because I'm fatter than they are.

*I confess I'm afraid my husband doesn't really desire me anymore and if I don't lose weight, I may lose him (he has not said ANYTHING about this...just a secret fear I have).

*I confess I'm afraid I will fail again and I'm destined to be fat forever and not live long enough to fully enjoy my children as adults and their children.

That's enough for now. Phew!

Ashley777
11-01-2011, 11:28 AM
what a great thread, thanks guac for starting it.

When I don't overeat I feel really good and have a lot of energy and my anxiety level can be high. many times I have binged because I am afraid of feeling this good all the time and I don't know what to do with myself.

I am afraid when my husband goes to work or aa meetings that when he leaves the house that can be a trigger for me to have a binge.

I am afraid to have looks from men like I did when I was younger and thinner. I don't know why but it really pissed me off.

There is something theraputic in giving voice to our fears, I believe it helps to make them not so big anymore.

HikingChloe
11-01-2011, 03:51 PM
I confess that I thought I as got closer to my goal I would automatically feel happier.

I confess that even with the weight loss I could stand there are list many things I still don't like about my body. Aging + weight-loss makes from some interesting body talk. I can't say I much care for my body naked.

I confess I am sick of going out with a group of girls and listening to them talk about their bodies and weight issues.

I confess my dog doesn't care what weight I am and sometimes (often) that makes me not care either. :)

I saw this thread when it first came out - I just had to think long and hard about whether or not I wanted to type some of my fears.

I don't have kids, but for those of you with kids: I think I have heard just about every parent I know say roughly the same thing. Some of them are overweight parents, some of them are not. Interestingly most of my friends fear their daughters not ever getting married. Hard to hear when you are not married yourself. But that is off topic.

I would be willing to bet that some of you are setting outstanding examples for your children. The key is figuring out how to diet and deal with the stumbling blocks of dieting without it becoming an obsession they pick up on. In that regard I admire you, because it is hard not to get obsessive in my opinion.

Take care.

rukiddingme
11-07-2011, 02:26 PM
-I assume everything is about my weight and take offense to the stupidest things.
-I have avoid family functions because I will be the fatest person there.
-I dont eat out because Im afraid I wont fit in the booth and/or people will stare.
-I dress in the biggest baggest clothes I can find and the shirts have to be long so the cover my hanging belly.

I could go on for days...

twinieten
11-18-2011, 10:03 AM
This is a really good thread! My secret confessions:

~ I fear that I will never be (or stay) thin. This is my 3rd major diet since I was in my 20s. I'm always successful, but end up gaining it all back, and more.

~ I fear I will feel superior to fat people once I'm thin, because I feel so inferior to thin people when I'm fat. I don't want to look down upon or be prejudiced against fat people.

~I compare myself to others constantly. I'm so much more aware of the weight of those around me than I used to be.

~I compare myself to other mens' wives. Am I the thinnest (therefore the prettiest, and most attractive)?

~ I scan a room to see if I'm the fattest person there, or how I compare to the other women there.

~ I don't mind standing out as the only thin person in a room, but I hate being the fattest.

~ I fear my children will become fat. My younger son eats and eats, and we used to make a big deal out of it, which made him proud and eat more. "Oh my gosh, do you have a hollow leg?" "Wow, I can't believe how much that kid can put away!" But I noticed he was getting pudgy and told my husband we need to curb the comments. I don't want him to eat a lot to impress us. I want him to eat a lot if he needs to, and eat less when he doesn't.

~ I love the fact that I'm thinner than my sister, who was always thinner and prettier than me growing up.

~ I love the fact that out of my family, I'm one of the thin ones.

~I love the fact that out of those who have openly talked about losing weight, or who have actively dieted, I'm the one who has been successful.

~ I spent so many years as the fat friend, I relish the idea of being the thin one.

~ I fear I will never be thin enough to attract the attention of men. I'm married and I don't need the attention of other men, but I can't help but feel flattered if I'm noticed. I hate this about myself.

blueheron777
11-19-2011, 08:21 AM
My secret fear is that, knowing I have a dysfunctional relationship with food, I will some day start overeating again. Things in my life are great right now so I am on track and doing well, but I have noticed that when something upsetting happens, the first thing I think of is food. I have a small snack, all the while knowing it's a bad approach to handling the stress.

That tells me that intellectually I understand what's going on, but behaviourally I still revert to that old bad habit. I fear that if something really bad happens, I will totally lose control. I feel like an alcoholic who has been living sobriety, but who can fall off the wagon any time.

That said, 3FC has been a source of inspiration for me and I read it every day to help stay on track. I think I have a sound approach to eating (calorie counting) and hope it will last for the rest of my life, but I don't take it for granted. I know I am vulnerable.

jilly6
12-10-2011, 06:39 PM
I confess to almost all the things on your list `espeially looking to make sure I am not the fattest person there!

How about going out to eat with hubby and trying to gauge if I will fit in the booth?

inglesita64
12-30-2011, 12:21 PM
I read all your confessions and feel so much better after seeing that we all suffer for the same reasons! I confess I deceive people about what I eat, and blame genetics for my overweight. I hide to eat "unauthorized" food, and when I go out I eat light or just have a cup of coffee.
But... I bet no one here ever called a friend who had a diet doctor appointment, passed off as the doctor's secretary, said her appointment had been cancelled and then visited the doctor instead of her... I did that, when I was much much younger, out of despair. It was the only doctor I ever visited for my weight, not because I don't need it, but because I always think I don't need a doctor, but just to eat less and exercise more.
I have just joined the site, but let me get one of these :carrot: just for confessing to my pathetic behaviour...

kandyrews
12-30-2011, 12:34 PM
- I hate the way I look naked
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I rarely go out, especially to any social events because of the way I look and feel.
- I hate being totally exhausted and too tired to do anything. And embarrassed that I'm too tired to ever get ready to go out of the house.
-I hate feeling inferior to people because I'm too fat.

guacamole
12-30-2011, 12:35 PM
No one here is pathetic - just human! I am in a "panic" mode right now, scared that I am falling off the wagon after a bad week of eating. Reading about everyone's confessions has helped me realize that I am not alone. I am glad it helped you too.

LittleBlueCat
01-02-2012, 10:53 AM
LittleBlueCat's confessions:

* As I lose weight, I'm getting more attention for men and women alike. And that excites me.

* I admit that I am getting to be a shallow person. Shallow as a plate. I 'thrive' on the compliment I am getting about my newly 'found' figure.

* Because of the last confessions, I've been buying new, ah, more fitting clothes. Granted, my old clothes are indeed way too baggy. Especially the work pants. But secretly, I wanted to show off my new 'body'.

* My goal weight on paper, and most challenges, is 140, but secretly, I want to be 110-120. Though, never in my adult life I have been anywhere near it. I am currently at my lowest weight. Therefore, every pound is a victory.

* My secret fear is that if I can't behave myself now at 156 lbs, will I be able to control my behavior at 140? 120? 110?

TamiL
01-02-2012, 11:29 AM
I confess that I love the attention I get from men and women too! At 47 it feels incredible.
I confess that I spend way too much money on clothes now.
I confess that I have become more critical of what other people eat....this bothers me and I really am trying to work on this one.
I confess that I lie about my weight when people tell me I am too thin....I always add 10 lbs.
I confess that I buy the smallest size clothes that I can squeeze into even though I am considered small already. Some things never change!
I confess that I am worried about my daughters weight and constantly hound her about it....This is terrible because my mother did the same thing to me and I never felt I was good enough or thin enough...I need to stop somehow.

twinieten
01-02-2012, 08:23 PM
TamiL and LittleBlueCat....OMG, totally!! I love the attention and the compliments. I've been getting some attention from men and that really excites me! Especially at my age. When was the last time I turned a head? It's like rain after a drought and I'm soaking it up.

I've also become very vain! I worry about hair, make up and clothing more than I used to, and I'm worrying about wrinkles and looking younger, thinner, and better.

I have done my fair share of clothes shopping, but I've put on the breaks until summer. I can't spend more money on clothes I won't be able to wear in 6 months. I say that now.....:^:

I fear I have become shallow, as well.

I have the same secret fear, TamiL.

LittleBlueCat
01-02-2012, 09:42 PM
Bahaha! You speak my language, twinieten! Last week I tucked my t-shirt in my jeans! Something I haven't done for ions! I've been doing more stuff to my hair as well! I think those are the best motivations to continue our journey!

guacamole
01-03-2012, 11:18 AM
I can relate too, ladies. I have put the breaks on clothes, shoes, and makeup shopping over the past few weeks (maybe because I have fallen off the wagon?). However, I probably shopped more for myself during the months of November and December than I have for the past 2 years! I know my desire to look better has been fueled by the compliments I have been getting. I too don't want to become shallow and all about appearances.

It is very telling that since I have been feeling fat again, I haven't put on an ounce of makeup and have been wearing my old baggy clothes. I should want to look good all the time, not just when my diet is on track! Also, I should want to look good for me, not to impress or win the approval of other people.

inglesita64
01-03-2012, 10:04 PM
I confess to concentrating on the beauty of certain parts of the body which I know are easily seen and not fat, and hiding those other parts where fat accumulates. So, I take great care of my hands and feet and of my skin and my hair, but have done absolutely nothing for the skin of the rest of the body. I cover all that "other part" with long skirts (fat legs, sob!) and pretend nobody notices the trick...
I don't think trying to look good is vanity. Thinking only about that may be, but if you are buying clothes and spending money on your appearance, that means you are feeling better, doesn't it? So, good for yur! :hug:

Vex
01-04-2012, 04:50 PM
some truths....

I never look like a "high maintenance" type woman and do my hair, nails, clothes etc, because I'm afraid to find out, "so this really is the best I can look" and be disappointed.

I'm terrified that if I get laid off from my job I'll never be able to get hired by someone else if they have in-person interviews.

And yes, I have a secret non-discussed goal weight of about 120 as well.

HoosierMomma
01-07-2012, 08:55 PM
I confess to most of these as well. I suppose the secret confession that bothers me the most is the secret eating. My job was so stressful that the food was the only thing that gave me any joy. Of course it also gave me tons of extra weight that made me even more miserable.

I finally unloaded that job a few months ago though I am still consulting on an hourly basis until they get someone hired and up to speed. I am finally coming out of my food coma and am ready to conquer the secret eating, the shame and the weight:carrot:
Theresa

natamars
01-08-2012, 09:29 AM
I hate the way I look naked, but I also know that even at goal weight I won't look good either.

I was the heaviest woman in one of my classes at the gym for a while and was very happy when a chubbier woman started attending. I haven't wanted to go back to class since I gained 5 lbs. back over the holidays, which I KNOW is ridiculous - no one will notice or care.

I can eat ridiculous amounts of food for someone my size..doesn't happen often, but I can, especially anything with sugar or bread.

I've felt sick to my stomach from eating yet continued to eat.

Some days I think it's not worth the struggle to take off another 15 lbs. Other days I'm disgusted by my image in the mirror.

My true weight goal is 115 lbs., even though I only got that thin twice(once was for my wedding) and it was ridiculously hard to miantain.

I think I eat better and exercise more than about 90% of the population, and I am angry that I have to work so hard to keep my weight in check.

If I didn't have to eat healthy and exercise to keep my weight down, I'm not sure if I would.

WannaBeLoserAgain
01-08-2012, 10:26 AM
My confessions:
I hate my self naked. There are too many folds I call fat.
I hate to exercise.
I would rather cut calories than exercise.
When I am obsessed with my weight, I will weigh every day.
I eat 1/2 cup icecream every day.
When I am trying to lose weight, that's all I can think about.
I hate myself when I lose control eating.

Zemelle
01-14-2012, 02:02 AM
I know that I will never reach my goal weight, I could never maintain it. If I could smoke again, I would take it up. I am still trying to figure out if I fear success or failure.

Zumbachica
01-14-2012, 07:31 PM
I think I look gross naked. In fact I very rarely EVER look at myself in the mirror naked or in underwear. I'm just too disgusted with myself and how I let myself go. I can eat until I feel sick and keep eating. I used to take laxatives to lose weight.

Beach Patrol
01-18-2012, 12:54 PM
*I really fear I won't make it to my goal weight.

*I really want my goal to be 130, not 140.

*I feel worthless when I'm fat; validated when I'm thin. (also: I love it when I get attention from men, even tho I'm happily married. So when I'm fat, I get no attention. I hate that.)

*I fear I will never be able to maintain any weight loss.

*I walk around constantly sucking in my gut. :rolleyes:

*I like winter because it's easier to get dressed than summer... and regardless of season, I wear a LOT of spanx! :o

andrew80k
01-18-2012, 01:50 PM
If you don't mind if a guy joins in...

*I confess that I'm afraid that if I succeed I will feel like a failure for not having lived up to my potential my whole life.

*And if I don't meet my goal that I'll feel like a failure for never having been able to do it.

*I confess that I'm afraid that if I get "close enough" to my goal I'll quit.

*I confess that I don't know how to teach my children how to live a healthy life and I don't want to harp on them about food or eating. They are girls and I don't want to travel that path just yet. I hope that being a good example will be enough.

*I confess that I've been lying to myself for the last 10 years.

*I confess that until recently I didn't know anything about how to lose weight, though I have a degree in Physics. :lol:

LAgreeneyes
01-18-2012, 02:25 PM
My confessions are the same as so many others. I would love to wear a swim suit but because of the weight, I can't. I am too ashamed to put on a swim suit and walk on the beach. I feel that others will look and laugh.

I would also love to wear (drum roll...................) sleeveless shirts or dresses. I have flabby arms, so I'm embarrassed because of the flab. Even in the summer time when it's so hot, I envy those women who have firm or skinny arms because they look so cool and comfortable. What I wouldn't do to wear sleeveless. I thought about having arm liposuction but I can't afford it. So, I confess that I'm so hot in the summer time because I'm too self conscious about my flabby arms to wear sleeveless.

I always try to hide my tummy, so that no one notices my tummy. I don't even like my boyfriend to touch me around the waist because I am self conscious about my belly fat. He said that he doesn't care about that stuff but I do.

When I stand in the mirror with no clothes on, I disgust myself. I have "cottage cheese" on my legs and my butt. I look awful. My tummy hangs so bad that I could cry. It's so hard losing the tummy.

I confess that I stop dressing up because I don't feel that I am worthy to dress up and look nice because I am overweight.

I confess that I am always tempted having snacks in my house (for boyfriend and guests) because I will eat them up like the cookie monster. I confess that I can eat an entire 1/2 gallon of ice cream in one setting. I am so greedy and pathetic.

I have never confessed that to anyone until now. I feel better that is off of my chest.

inglesita64
01-18-2012, 02:53 PM
I agree with you there. I confess I have not been seen in a bathing suit for years now. I admire those people who are overweight and all the same go to the beach and have a great time, not caring about what others think. I confess to criticizing other people for not being in shape for the clothes they wear, while being completely out of shape myself. How mean is that?

WannaBeLoserAgain
01-19-2012, 05:19 PM
I hate the pictures of my arms too.

And , you can have ice-cream each night. I have eaten ice-cream each night and I have lost the weight.

I confess I finally like Skim milk. And, I am eating ice-cream with 1/2 fat removed.

I confess I am afraid of going back to old eating habits, so I stay accountable to a weight chart and weight forums.

KittyKatFan
01-31-2012, 11:03 PM
My confessions:

When my dad was very ill and close to death, I didn't want my cousin to come out and visit him because I didn't want her to see how fat I'd gotten. How selfish.

I have distanced myself from college friends and work friends I have made in the different placed I've lived because I didn't want them to see how fat I've become.

Yes, I am losing weight because I want to be healthy, but feeling more confident about myself around guys is just as big of a reason.

I, too, will not wear a swimsuit. Not with these flabby arms and big gut.

Correctly or incorrectly, I believe that my weight has kept me from moving up the corporate ladder. Not so much because of discrimination against me, because I have been pretty successful in getting job offers, but because my confidence is shot. I have no self-confidence, so I'm afraid to speak up, voice an opinion, or mix & mingle/network - all of which are the big reasons people are selected for promotion. I get so tired of seeing less talented people get promoted just because they have confidence and I don't.

I believe that I will die alone. Fat and alone.

If there was a pill I could take that would make me thin, I would take it - even if it had serious side effects.

invisiblgrl
02-09-2012, 01:21 AM
I confess that I went kayaking last year and I couldn't get out of the kayak.It was awful.
I also confess that I am losing weight for a guy who is probably not really interested in me - I think I was just the fat easy girl and we were drunk. But at least it kicked off some motivation for me.
I'm afraid of what my stomach and tits are going to look like when I lose the weight.
Mostly, I'm afraid no one will ever want me again, even if I do get thin.

Dovid
02-12-2012, 09:08 AM
B"H

What an amazing forum. What I like is how much success so many have had!

~ I confess that I'm so afraid of failure, it keeps me from really trying hard.
~ I now realize that i'lost my confidence/will because I'm fat.
~ How many friends/bridges have I burned because I was too self concience to keep up the relationships?
~ What changes will come about as a result of losing weight?

AwShucks
05-03-2012, 11:51 PM
I'm a bright girl who has stayed in a deadend job for 10 years because I feel no company will hire me when they see me. I'm 46 and I make the average salary of a new college grad. I know I can work circles around anyone, but I cannot sell myself. True story - I was just recognized for 10 years of service at my job -- they gave me a windchime.

Sometimes I flex my facial and eye muscles, hold my head a bit higher and get that "supermodel gazing out from inside the fat girl" feeling. Then I glimpse myself in a mirror and it all fades away.

I dread compliments, they make me uncomfortable. However, it bothers me that my overweight female boss and coworkers haven't even mentioned my weight loss.

I worry that my elderly mother will become disabled or die, and I'll regain the weight through stress/sadness like I've done before. I find myself imagining what I would do if that happened, and feel guilty for thinking those things about her.

I also feel like I'll die alone. I went to my highschool prom alone, never dated in college, and I've only been on about two dozen dates-- most of them first dates. The only ones I really liked turned out to be an alcoholic excon and a married guy who told me if I called his house and a woman answered, it was his disabled "aunt" who lived with him. Luckily I figured both guys out early in the game. But, still it was disappointing. Are there any good guys who will notice me?

I think I could live on just sugar -- and get bigger and bigger. I know there have been days when I had no other nutrients pass my lips, and I was satisfied. 1000 calories of candy is not equal to 1000 calories of veg. I avoid sugar at all costs to prevent spiraling out of control.

gosh it feels good to get it all out.... Thanks for this thread!

LAgreeneyes
05-04-2012, 09:37 AM
I'm a bright girl who has stayed in a deadend job for 10 years because I feel no company will hire me when they see me. I'm 46 and I make the average salary of a new college grad. I know I can work circles around anyone, but I cannot sell myself. True story - I was just recognized for 10 years of service at my job -- they gave me a windchime.

Sometimes I flex my facial and eye muscles, hold my head a bit higher and get that "supermodel gazing out from inside the fat girl" feeling. Then I glimpse myself in a mirror and it all fades away.

I dread compliments, they make me uncomfortable. However, it bothers me that my overweight female boss and coworkers haven't even mentioned my weight loss.

I worry that my elderly mother will become disabled or die, and I'll regain the weight through stress/sadness like I've done before. I find myself imagining what I would do if that happened, and feel guilty for thinking those things about her.

I also feel like I'll die alone. I went to my highschool prom alone, never dated in college, and I've only been on about two dozen dates-- most of them first dates. The only ones I really liked turned out to be an alcoholic excon and a married guy who told me if I called his house and a woman answered, it was his disabled "aunt" who lived with him. Luckily I figured both guys out early in the game. But, still it was disappointing. Are there any good guys who will notice me?

I think I could live on just sugar -- and get bigger and bigger. I know there have been days when I had no other nutrients pass my lips, and I was satisfied. 1000 calories of candy is not equal to 1000 calories of veg. I avoid sugar at all costs to prevent spiraling out of control.

gosh it feels good to get it all out.... Thanks for this thread!

Thank you for sharing. We all have our own little confessions and it's so good that we are able to get it out and talk about it.

And yes there are good guys out there who will notice you. You will meet them. Don't you worry.

I totally understand about the candy. I LOVE candy. I use to go to the store and buy 3 or 4 boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes and a gallon of milk and lay in bed and eat EVERY BOX within 2 days. It felt sooooooooooo good eating it. I still look at them when I go to Wal Mart and I still crave them but I know I can't have them. Oh, how I love Little Debbie.

Wisertime
05-04-2012, 07:26 PM
Good thread! Ok, I'm going to jump in with a few things I have never said out loud:

* I hate the way I look naked

* I hate the way I look overall

* After losing close to 50 lbs. back in 2004/2005 I have gained it all back

* I went on a couple of binges back in March, gained 15 pounds (ish)

* I hate that after 5 minutes of any kind of exercise I sweat and my face turns red

* I haven't joined Facebook because I don't want the people from high school to see that I am still fat

* Speaking of Facebook, a good friend of mine from high school showed me some of the people from our class. When I saw that a few of them had gained weight I smiled to myself

ok, I feel kinda bad about that last one.

Wisertime
05-04-2012, 07:28 PM
Oh yeah, one more. My goal weight reads 150 but is really 125.

AwShucks
05-04-2012, 10:47 PM
Thanks for the encouraging feedback, LAGreeneyes. Gosh, I love Little Debbie, too! I know just what you're talking about. It's like I would go into a sugar trance where eating bags of candy, cookies, a 1/2 dozen donuts, 1/2 a cake, or a whole pie, etc. felt perfectly normal. How does sugar do that to a person?

Hi wisertime! Oh yea, I noticed several on facebook have gained weight since high school, too. And, yes, I felt a sick twinge of delight when I saw their photos. I read in the original post that we weren't to be judgemental in our comments, so I won't judge the "skinny" girls who aren't any more. But I just had to tell you that I had the same reaction!

cookieRN
05-05-2012, 12:44 PM
I fear being the "overweight" couple as me and my husband get older. Im also afraid i will start accepting myself at this weight. then another 10 pounds willpile on.. then I'll accept myself at that weight..

I have cellulite from my knees to mystomach. it just disgusts me... yet I still eat sweets and junk food

WanttoWearan8
05-16-2012, 10:17 AM
- I am afraid my boyfriend will stop loving me if I don't lose weight.
- I am afraid to get on the scale to start this journey so I relying on my WII fit to tell me when I lose weight - hence no beginning weight in my profile but I am guessing 168 and I am 5'5.
- I am afraid what my family will think when they see me at a reunion.
- I am afraid of buying clothes and what size they could be.
- I am afraid of looking at myself in photos.
- I am afraid this time I won't be able to lose my weight or keep it off.
- I am afraid of buying a swimsuit.

Wow I am afraid of a lot - this was a good exercise for me. Thanks!

KG123
05-16-2012, 05:15 PM
I'm horrified by how much I think about food. It's constant!
I'm either concentrating on NOT eating or on what I CAN eat or MIGHT eat :ink:

I'm horrified that my 13-year old is overweight and I don't know what to do...
I'm horrified when look at him.
I don't keep bad food in the house and he doesn't eat large amounts of food!
So I feel angry and helpless :mad:

If one more person tells me he'll have a growth spurt soon I'm going to scream:censored:

LouisaH
05-19-2012, 02:17 AM
I confess I quit counting calories and coming onto 3FC because I just can't make myself do it consistently--I almost didn't post on here because I felt like I couldn't be bothered.

I confess there are so many glimpses of myself in these confessions, and I can't make myself try to recount them all because I just can't be bothered, lol!

I confess that I am afraid I will never reach my goal. I got within 5 pounds and stopped counting calories and started cheating all the time.

I confess that I'm worried I will keep creeping back up the scales (I'm about 7 pounds over the lowest I've seen, and I actually saw a few pounds higher than I am now at 156).

I confess that I think my arms and shoulders have great muscle definition and I love wearing sleeveless tops/dresses (I hated my flabby arms before I lost weight, so never wore them); and I confess that my body looks better than I'd expected it would when I lost weight, except for my stomach, which I can't seem to get rid of.

I confess that I compare myself to other women, and even if they are thinner in the waist, I often think I have better arms and legs (how vane am I!).

I confess that I very often give thanks for having acheived my weight loss when I see overweight people.

I confess that I feel like it's so unfair that I have to work so hard to maintain, much less lose weight, when others seem to be able to eat so much more food and much less healthy food than I do without gaining.

I confess that I am very judgmental of the food other people eat ("garbage" or "crap" is what usually goes through my head).

I confess that I am very lucky in my job to be surrounded by an abundance of healthy, whole, unprocessed food all the time (and yet, portion control is always an issue).

Thank you for this thread. It's good therapy!

Emama
05-25-2012, 10:19 PM
I confess I was afraid I would fail if I tried to loose weight (still afraid, but finally trying)
I confess I don't have many new clothes because I hate shopping for clothes and seeing myself in the mirror.
I confess I turn down social invitations because I don't want old friends to see how fat I have gotten.
I confess I stopped playing with my kid at the playground etc because I am so fat it is uncomfortable to run.
I confess that I have lied to myself about how much I was eating (and everyone else)!

lyv33
05-30-2012, 10:27 PM
This is a really good thread! My secret confessions:

~ I fear that I will never be (or stay) thin. This is my 3rd major diet since I was in my 20s. I'm always successful, but end up gaining it all back, and more.

~ I fear I will feel superior to fat people once I'm thin, because I feel so inferior to thin people when I'm fat. I don't want to look down upon or be prejudiced against fat people.

~I compare myself to others constantly. I'm so much more aware of the weight of those around me than I used to be.

~I compare myself to other mens' wives. Am I the thinnest (therefore the prettiest, and most attractive)?

~ I scan a room to see if I'm the fattest person there, or how I compare to the other women there.

~ I don't mind standing out as the only thin person in a room, but I hate being the fattest.

~ I fear my children will become fat. My younger son eats and eats, and we used to make a big deal out of it, which made him proud and eat more. "Oh my gosh, do you have a hollow leg?" "Wow, I can't believe how much that kid can put away!" But I noticed he was getting pudgy and told my husband we need to curb the comments. I don't want him to eat a lot to impress us. I want him to eat a lot if he needs to, and eat less when he doesn't.

~ I love the fact that I'm thinner than my sister, who was always thinner and prettier than me growing up.

~ I love the fact that out of my family, I'm one of the thin ones.

~I love the fact that out of those who have openly talked about losing weight, or who have actively dieted, I'm the one who has been successful.

~ I spent so many years as the fat friend, I relish the idea of being the thin one.

~ I fear I will never be thin enough to attract the attention of men. I'm married and I don't need the attention of other men, but I can't help but feel flattered if I'm noticed. I hate this about myself.

OK, we all want to feel attractive and there is nothing wrong with getting attention from men. You may be married, but you aren't dead. I love the attention that I receive. It's flattering, makes me feel good and motivates me to look my best.

GemIAm
06-01-2012, 10:20 AM
~ I confess that I have used my fat as armor in the past (so men won't find me attractive) and as I drop weight and more of them actually notice me, it makes me feel vulnerable.

~ I confess that I HATE social functions with food/alcohol involved (almost all of them).

~ I confess that I am terrified that my beautiful healthy Tween daughter will suffer from my weight/self esteem issues (it all runs in my mother's family).

~ I confess that it ticks me off how few people have complimented me on how I look now & I HAVE LOST 67 LBS since JANUARY!!! (Further proof that people don't "see" fat middle-aged women).

~ I confess that I hate it when two of my tiny friends complain about how hard it is for them to keep weight ON when they are stressed/depressed (STFU skinny girls - no one leans away from YOU when you walk behind their chair)!

~ I confess that I want my weight loss to "re-ignite my love life" (been happily married for 16 years, but I want my hubby to "lust" after me again...& be more verbally affectionate) and I am frustrated that it doesn't seem to be happening.

~ I confess that I am terrified about my ability to maintain a healthy weight -have been in a gain/loss cycle my whole life.

Phew! - Now, with my fears acknowledged, I face the day knowing that THEY DON'T CONTROL OR DEFINE ME!

guacamole
06-01-2012, 01:54 PM
I love all of you ladies! Just had to say that. Thanks for sharing your fears and confessions.

eightiesbabe84
06-01-2012, 10:31 PM
My confession:
I feel like the good part of my life is over (and it wasn't very good).

I sometimes feel like it really wouldn't change my life if I lost weight (healthy doesn't seem like much fun).

Who wants to live forever if you can't enjoy yourself while you are here? (eternal misery).

Sometimes I feel like I am sacrificing myself to punish my husband. He has made my life **** and does not deserve a skinny-hot wife. I confess to eating more in front of him just to make him mad.

I will never look good in a swimsuit or even be able to wear shorts again. If I lost weight; I would have so much stretched out (and stretch marked) skin that I would NEVER have the confidence to wear either.

I just feel like I am too old to have weight loss do me much benefit (I will be skinny for menopause? really? that thought will keep me off a treadmill).

These are my confessions.

seagirl
06-02-2012, 08:56 AM
I confess that I'm afraid I will give up part way into this journey, which is why I haven't picked a goal weight (I'm 184 right now, down from 188 a few weeks ago. I was 150 about 10 years ago, and happy with it.)

I confess that I feel superior to my friends when I can stick to my calorie counting and lose weight (this come from my disordered eating in my early 20s when not eating was my pride. Maybe my friends were happy and dating but at least I had visible hip bones! So sad.)

I confess that I hate running. And am jealous of my friends who run fast and love it.

I confess that I used my fat as a bubble for the last few years. I stopped being attractive to men and being "pretty" and it was a nice rest. I became invisible.

I confess that I sometimes wonder "if this is so easy, why did I wait so long to do it and what was I eating before?!"

guacamole
06-10-2012, 04:29 PM
Back again with some new confessions -

-I confess that I am really pissed at myself for failing to get to a normal BMI already. Every time I get close to that magic number of 149, I sabotage myself with bad eating and the numbers climb back up again or plateau.

-I confess that I still feel too fat to see people who haven't seen me since before I became obese. I feel like I have to be at my goal weight before I can face people who knew me when...

-I confess that I fear I will never be "thin enough" or "fit enough."

-I confess that I fear the saggy overhang of fat/flesh/stretch marks on my lower abdomen will always be there unless I get a tummy tuck, which I can't afford and probably would be too embarrassed to get even if I could (vanity is frowned upon and ridiculed to an extent in my community/family). So, even after losing weight, I will still only like my appearance wrapped up in Spanx and figure flattering clothing - I will still feel ugly and self-conscious naked.

-I confess that I fear the big reactions I am getting from some people over my weight loss - both because big loud exclamations embarrass me and remind me how fat I used to be and also because it makes me afraid that I might not be able to hang onto my weight loss - and then I will be really embarrassed because everyone will know that I have failed.

-I confess that I don't always believe I will manage to get to my goal weight, even though I now have a track record of success. It still seems so far away.

-I confess that I feel like a complete failure when the scale goes up a few pounds - even if it is during PMS or TOM - I usually avoid the scale during this time just so I don't get discouraged.

That's it for now....

pacemomof4
06-10-2012, 07:34 PM
My quit smoking day is june 25th. I am scared that this will sabotage my new healthy lifestyle. I just don't want to go back into bad habits as far as my eating goes. (As if smoking isn't a terrible habit) When I was younger if I put my mind to doing something, I did it. Now I don't feel nearly as ambitious as I used to. My fiance is watching calories and exercising along with me and I am afraid I will let him down. He has more weight to lose and is diabetic. *sigh* but I will still continue to try as hard as I can on eating right, not smoking and exercising. *peace*

Lunula
06-14-2012, 10:53 AM
I have to say, I've every single post here and every confession - some made laugh, others made me want to cry and many had me nodding my head in agreement! Thanks for sharing, everyone.

Here are some of mine:

I fear that once I hit my goal weight and I have more "free time" to concentrate on something else, that I will instead turn to a different addictive behavior.
I used to daydream about getting into a plane crash, landing on a deserted island, where food was hard to come by, so I would lose weight. Then, after a year or two, I would triumphantly be found and return home as a skinny person.
I also used to fantasize about getting some disease that would rob me of my appetite so I could be thin. :(
I worry that once I hit goal, the "you've lost weight!" compliments will stop and I will feel invisible again.
I worry that no matter how much weight I lose, I will never truly "feel" like a fit, healthy, thin person.

natamars
06-15-2012, 07:17 AM
I have a digital scale that weighs in .2 increments, and I will sometimes weigh 5 or 6 times hoping to see the number go down .2.

Elliemar
06-15-2012, 07:48 AM
I confess......

That I'm still hopeless around junk food and if it's in the house, I WILL eat it and turn into a cookie monster-type creature until it's all gone. Then I hate myself for being so weak.

That I'm scared if my OH and I split up, noone will ever like me like that again because my body is HORRIBLE due to that belly overhang thing that just refuses to go and makes me self-conscious beyond belief! (I know it's stupid, but it's insecurity raising it's ugly head....)

The worst one is that I've found myself getting irritated with friends who go on about wanting/needing to lose weight, but then say let's go to Starbucks for coffee & cake and then tell me "Oh go on, one won't kill you" or "you're becoming such a diet bore" when I say no to the cake or similar. I feel like a horrible person for feeling like that - I'm no better than them just because I managed to dredge up some willpower from somewhere and actually stick to it this time!

Now I want chocolate.....the old me would have had some.

lyv33
06-17-2012, 10:20 AM
Elliemar, instead of feeling like a horrible person, you need to feel like the superior person. It's hard to resist temptation especially when your friends are the ones tempting you. Shame on them, what kind of friends are they anyway for doing that? Some of them probably secretly want you to fall off the wagon. It happens, people are jealous when they see someone improving their looks and health. When you go out with them the next time don't worry about what they think or say, worry about how you are going to feel about yourself. You have done a wonderful job, 70 lbs is FANTASTIC. You should feel like you are on top of the world.

twinieten
06-17-2012, 04:06 PM
I love reading everyone's confessions. I can relate to many, which is comforting.

I have another new confession. I fear that I will never be able to lose weight without a gimmick. For that reason, I'm afraid that I won't be able to maintain my weight by eating normally.

I confess that I'm still sizing up other women in a room and comparing myself to them. I fear I will always feel like the fat, frumpy, ugly one in a room.

I confess I feel jealous when I see beautiful women with nice figures, wondering how on earth they manage to have that body. Do they go to boot camp? Do they work out? Or are they just lucky?

Salgal
06-18-2012, 06:59 PM
- I look at every woman I pass and think who's skinnier?

-I wish sometimes that I could be sick for a month or two so I could sleep away my depression and the weight would fall off

- I yell at my husband cuz I'm angry at myself and the way I look:(

- I wish mirrors were never around anywhere. The bathroom, stores, anywhere. The world is so superficial

- I wish sometimes that if I were gone than I would be rid of this ongoing struggle with bulimia. I am so tired

karmich
06-19-2012, 03:45 PM
I confess that I look at other overweight people and wonder if I am as large as they are and if people are looking at me and thinking I am way too large for the clothes I wear. It has cause me to get larger clothes and now that I lost 30 lbs and can wear 16 I still only want to wear size 20.

I confess that I fear that my very petite DD will have a compulsion to watch her weight because I am so large and she doesn't want to look like me. While I know where she is coming from if she feels that way(I thinks she does based on things she has said). I thought the same way about my mom and now I look almost exactly like she does shape wise. I don't want it to cause other problems like trying to be super thin. She was almost considered underweight when she would make comments about not wanting to eat too much. I try to reassure her that she is perfectly healthy the way she is.

I confess it annoys me greatly when my sister who has always been lean tells me I don't need to lose any more weight because I'll look sick when at the time I was 200 lbs and she was 140. Every time she says anything like that I think - she really doesn't want me to be her size or smaller - how shallow of her

Thanks for letting me unload. :carrot: I feel better.

eightiesbabe84
06-20-2012, 08:32 AM
I confess that I am always trying to "fill the hole" so to speak. I feel like I am constantly reaching for something to make me feel satisfied, to soothe my anxiety or to just make me feel "straight." I had to quit smoking, compulsive shopping, and now eating? what else can I do? nothing that makes me feel better is good for me. I confess that that makes me feel very angry sometimes.

cbigsis
06-21-2012, 01:31 PM
I am afraid that I am destined to be either fat or crazy. I had struggled with bulimia years ago in college. I stopped when I had children and slowly gained weight for the next 15 years. 3 years ago when I started my weight loss journey I did really well losing the first 60 pounds but then the old bulimic habits were triggered. I took 2 years off and maintained pretty well and got some help from a therapist. And now I want to lose that last bit to get into a healthy BMI range. I'm afraid as I lose again I will get carried away again. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she will not want me to try to lose the weight.

xirene
06-25-2012, 12:20 PM
- I worry that once I reach my goal weight and transition off MediFast, all the weight I've lost is just going to pile right back on.

-I look at skinny/slender girls and women and think "I'll never be that thin!"

-I'm terrified of what I'll look like naked once I lose all the weight. It's already scary. My boobs used to be the one part of my body I liked, but they've gone and run off on me. This fear goes hand in hand with my worst, most scary fear of all: I'm finally out of a horrible relationship and hope to start dating again soon. I'm *terrified* that how I look with loose skin and deflated boobs is going to send any guy running screaming away into the hills once he sees me with my clothes off.

camper67
06-25-2012, 01:28 PM
Oh my goodness...I will go on forever, lol

I admit that when I go out with my hubby (he is very good looking) I still wonder if he is better looking than me and how much weight I have to lose before I look equal to or better than him. :-)

I admit that I became really angry when me and my husband went to a museum and a beautiful blond who was younger than me and skinner was obviously interested in him. It made me feel terribly insecure and I wanted to lose 20 more pounds even though I was happy with myself before this.

I admit that if the scale goes up a couple pounds it makes me completely irritable for days and then I feel horrible for being obsessed.

I admit that I still hate my body after losing 55 lbs. I think the reason I allowed myself to become so overweight, is because I am so uncomfortable in my own skin. I look better in clothes, but definitely still feel gross naked.

I admit that I am afraid of failing again.

I admit that now that I have lost weight, I am still not all that happy. Losing weight, does not fix everything.

I admit that I am afraid of becoming fat again....every single day, yet some days I still want to eat food more than I am afraid.

I admit that I am angry with my friends who don't seem to be as available to me to hang out anymore since I have lost weight

I admit that I am also angry that several family members and friends have now gone on diets because it seems they want to "out do" me or one friend in particular who seems to tell me everyone she knows and how skinny they have gotten on whatever new diet they are on. I wanted to have my own minute to shine and enjoy for a while. I hate competition.

I will admit that this weekend, my brother, who is very overweight decided it would be cute to grab a small piece of fat on my side and laugh at me as he did it. As if to say "look you still have fat" ....it was incredibly hurtful after I have worked so hard. It made me feel like I am still not good enough. I know deep down he is probably just envious.

Ok...I am sure there will be more, but phew...that made me feel better!!! :-)

camper67
06-25-2012, 01:34 PM
Oh wait I forgot another one, lol

I admit that I am hurt and angry when my mom has to say "Isn't she so beautiful now?!" to people while I am standing there ....she only says this when I am thinner. She is a naturally thin person that is extremely superficial. I hate it.

guacamole
06-25-2012, 02:33 PM
Love all of these confessions! I can so relate.

-I confess that it is frustrating that that no matter how thin I get, there will always be someone else thinner, prettier, younger, fitter, "...er," than me. Like camper67 said, there will never be a moment that is mine to shine for a bit - there will always be someone nipping at my heels to outdo me in weight loss or looks - whether they are strangers or friends/family. I know that sounds shallow and selfish - but hey, 3FC is where all my ugly comes out!

-I confess that I feel like a butterfly with a very short shelf life to be beautiful. Meaning, because I am 42, it is only a matter of time before my looks truly start to fade (they have already begun to fade). I have wasted the past seven years being obese, and now that I am finally starting to get back to a normal weight, age is creeping up. Fine lines are appearing, grey hairs are peeping through, and sag due to weight and age is progressing. I might finally get to goal, but will any of that matter if I hit my expiration date and now look old - thin and old - but old. Will all the weight loss (in terms of appearance) be wasted?

-I confess that I am afraid of the new found openness people now have to comment on my appearance. Right now it is with positive remarks on my weight loss. However, if I put on weight again, will people now feel comfortable to tell me that I am starting to look heavy? I don't think I could take that.

-I confess that I am already feeling angry and resentful about comments I will probably receive at my August family reunion about my weight loss. I am expecting gushing and questions about how I did it (these are people who want the magic pill response). These are relatives who really made me feel less than invisible the last time we all got together. Maybe they didn't mean to, but they really made it obvious that the only family members they respect and admire are the ones who are thin. When I was thin, I was one of their favorites, when I gained weight, I might as well not have existed. I really don't need their attention now that I know what they are all about and now that I know their admiration is so fickle that if I put back on the pounds, I will be "Persona non grata" again. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, "I am the same person I always was! Thin or fat, it's still the same spirit in here!!!!!" Blech!

xirene
06-25-2012, 05:59 PM
Guacamole- I can totally relate to the getting older thing. I will be 45 this fall :( and re-entering the dating game at this age is the pits. However- I just keep telling myself, I will be 45, happy with how I look instead of miserable, and even if I'm single for the rest of my life, it's better than staying in a bad relationship. I think what has made the weight loss work for me this time is that I am doing it for myself, not because someone else has prodded me into it.

inglesita64
06-25-2012, 08:53 PM
Xirene, Guacamole, I am 47 and have been single for eight years now. Losing weight has convinced me that life can get better even if not dating. I am learning to enjoy new activities on my own, such as jogging, shopping, travelling. I feel so much self-confident now than when I was married or dating! It is also true that now that I look better I feel I could start a new relationship, but I know that if I don't I won't be unhappy for that. Love is greater than romance... Learn about giving and receiving true love and you will be very happy!

inglesita64
06-25-2012, 08:58 PM
My confession now: I have never acknowledged to friends and family that I count calories or anything. I have told them I lost weight by not eating cheese and peanuts and by jogging. In that way I don't have to acknowledge that I was fat because I ate too much and binged... I was fat because I made poor food choices! I am a coward or what???

CarlyY
06-26-2012, 12:23 AM
Newbie here....

I confess....I stress eat because I am still depressed about the 5 miscarriages I had before our 2nd anniversary.

I confess....I stress eat because I will never have my own children.

I confess....I stress eat because my (just turned 18 year old) stepson is hostile when it is just the two of us at home and my husband doesn't back me up when there is an issue.

I confess.....I can't wait for him to leave home, because he will not be moving back once he is gone.

I confess....I have only been married 3 years but I either pretend I am asleep or stay up later than my husband because I can't stand for him to see how fat I have gotten.

It took 10 years to get a doctor to believe me when I told them I had thyroid issues. It caused me to lose my first pregnancy.

I confess....I hate how my skinnier sister treats me like my only use is to go shopping with her and my niece and carry everything since I don't have the money or can fit into most of the stuff at the stores.

I confess...I hate how I still hear my mother telling everyone that I was her "ugly duckling".

I confess....I hate how my mother treated me as a kid and would refuse to buy me clothes until I "lost 10 or 15 lbs" but would buy my sisters anything they wanted. I still feel like I am only good enough to wear clothes off of the 70% off rack....regardless of how bad they fit or look.

twinieten
06-26-2012, 05:06 PM
-I confess that I feel like a butterfly with a very short shelf life to be beautiful. Meaning, because I am 42, it is only a matter of time before my looks truly start to fade (they have already begun to fade). I have wasted the past seven years being obese, and now that I am finally starting to get back to a normal weight, age is creeping up. Fine lines are appearing, grey hairs are peeping through, and sag due to weight and age is progressing. I might finally get to goal, but will any of that matter if I hit my expiration date and now look old - thin and old - but old. Will all the weight loss (in terms of appearance) be wasted?

Oh my gosh! ME TOO!! Whenever I'm some place where I might see other women, older women, I wonder, when did they cross over from attractive to just looking old? Some of them are thin. Many have nice bodies for their age. However, they are not attractive in the way a 20 year old, a 30 year old or even a 40 year old is attractive. I also feel like I've wasted the beauty of my youth being fat!

archychick
06-29-2012, 10:08 PM
Wow, this is a great idea! I commiserate with many confessions and feel so much compassion for others.


~ I confess that I feel that I am keeping myself fat as revenge against my husband for the resentment that he has caused in me over our 20 yr marriage. I love him dearly and he has many good points, but there are things that no amount of reworking and apology can undo.

~ I am afraid of the future slender me as I get more assertive with age.

~ I am afraid of where my new, fit body will lead me in life. I have already made a success of myself fat.

~ I plan my cocktail calories in the morning before my meal calories.

~ I pretend that it doesn't bother me that I am the fattest person among my friends at parties and in my bellydance troupe.

~ I pretend that it doesn't bother me when people raise their eyebrows when I mention that I bellydance.

AwShucks
07-09-2012, 11:15 PM
Newbie here....

I confess....I stress eat because I am still depressed about the 5 miscarriages I had before our 2nd anniversary.

I confess....I stress eat because I will never have my own children.

I confess....I stress eat because my (just turned 18 year old) stepson is hostile when it is just the two of us at home and my husband doesn't back me up when there is an issue.

I confess.....I can't wait for him to leave home, because he will not be moving back once he is gone.

I confess....I have only been married 3 years but I either pretend I am asleep or stay up later than my husband because I can't stand for him to see how fat I have gotten.

It took 10 years to get a doctor to believe me when I told them I had thyroid issues. It caused me to lose my first pregnancy.

I confess....I hate how my skinnier sister treats me like my only use is to go shopping with her and my niece and carry everything since I don't have the money or can fit into most of the stuff at the stores.

I confess...I hate how I still hear my mother telling everyone that I was her "ugly duckling".

I confess....I hate how my mother treated me as a kid and would refuse to buy me clothes until I "lost 10 or 15 lbs" but would buy my sisters anything they wanted. I still feel like I am only good enough to wear clothes off of the 70% off rack....regardless of how bad they fit or look.

Oh Carly. I don't know what to say, but if I was there, I'd give you a big hug. I'm so sorry for your fertility disappointment and harmful childhood memories.

When I was a young teen, my mother described me once as "her beautiful daughter, who happens to have a weight problem." It stung. God knew I didn't need a sister; thankfully, Mom rarely compared me to my brothers. My oldest brother is surprisingly tall and thin, and has tried unsuccessfully to conceal his disgust for me and his overweight younger brother. It sux to have that kind of dynamic in a family. We're blood, for heaven's sake! Why can't we love each other unconditionally?!

Garnet2727
07-16-2012, 05:12 PM
~I confess that I'm afraid that I will ultimately fail at this weight loss effort.

~I confess that even though I've lost 53 pounds and my clothes are baggy, I keep wearing them because they make me feel small.

~I confess that thinking about my ultimate goal weight sends my into panic mode. That has led me to set mini-goals of 25 pounds at a time.

~I confess that even though I selected a number right close to the high end of normal BMI, I really don't know what my ultimate goal weight will be.

~I confess that I'm obsessed with tracking every morsel of food that passes my lips. I track three times; on Weight Watchers, on SparkPeople and on My Fitness Pal.

~I confess that the feature I despise the most about myself is my quadruple chin. I'm afraid that even if I lose weight, that blasted thing will never go away.

~I confess that I don't do as much exercise as I should. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I despise it. I haven't found a good middle ground yet.

~I confess that I am worried about becoming a wrinkled bag of skin. I've been obese for most of my life and at 48, my skin just doesn't have a lot of elasticity. I'm watching the growth of batwings on my upper arms with some dismay. Yeah, I need to do strength training. See above.

~I confess that this has been cathartic!

Chubbygirl253
07-16-2012, 09:21 PM
-I confess I want to be a runner/jogger but at my weight I'm having a hard time just walking on the treadmill at a brisk pace

-I confess I would like to have a baby but at my weight I'm not healthy enough for pregnancy and I don't know if I can even get pregnant until I lose. I fear by the time I lose enough weight I will be too old. I just turned 35. Clock is ticking.

- I confess I want to get thinner than my twin who is about 100 pounds lighter than me but has been skinnier than me since 5th grade

- I confess I fake confidence. Fake it till ya make it. I also fake sexiness for my boyfriend. Usually I just feel fat but I know that's the last thing on his mind when he's feeling romantic

-I confess I don't just want to get healthy. Pah!!! I want to be hot! I want to look good in pictures. I want to shop in stores for skinny minnies instead of stalking past them like the bride of Godzilla on my way to the plus-size store. Oh! and I want to be able to walk into Victoria's Secret and know I can wear anything in there. Those little panties look like they belong to Thumbelina

smalltownok
07-19-2012, 10:53 PM
I confess that I won't drink anything with calories in it, but will pop jelly beans all evening long...

syndehat
07-22-2012, 01:14 AM
I confess that I ALWAYS check to see if I am in the fattest person in the room and secretly feel happy when I see someone bigger (pathetic)

I confess that the last plane trip I took, I couldn't buckle the seatbelt so I just tucked it into my shirt to hide this fact (sad)

I confess that I have taken comfort in hiding in my fat for a long time and worry how I will deal with it if it is no longer there to "lean" on (bizarre)

I confess that I am upset with my mother for losing 80 pounds and now being thinner than me (selfish)

I confess that I avoid going anywhere or seeing anyone that I can possibly get out of seeing (isolating)

I confess that I am secretly happy that my DH hasn't approached me sexually for 5+ years because I can't bear the thought of it (WTH??)

I confess that I put off starting my weight loss process as long as possible and have just begun it at the insistence of my DH (angry)

This is only the beginning but it feels good to get this much out. Thank you:twirly:

GemIAm
07-23-2012, 05:12 PM
I confess that I now have "wrinkly thighs" (excess skin) like an elephants legs, and I'm afraid my DH will notice & think it looks as gross as I think it looks.

janeybabs
07-25-2012, 04:41 AM
Here goes... I confess:
* I felt full after half my dinner in the airport last night but I finished it anyway
*every time I stand on the scales and there is no movement I want to give up and eat what I want and stop going to the gym.
* I worry about the fact people must think I'm lying when I say the amount of exercise I do as I am still a weeble wobble
* I get embarrassed that I still go bright red with the smallest amount of exercise
* I look round the room in my exercise class hoping there is someone heavier than me and feel good if they can't manage the exercises I can (and feel awful if the are fitter than
me)
* I feel smug when skinny people at the class seem less fit than me.
* I have started judging my bigger friends wandering why they won't do anything about their weight.
*there have been times in the last year and half when diet and exercise have dictated my life
* I have cried so many times that I am no lighter despite the hard work
* I still want to stuff my face with cake and sweeties.
* I feel duped by the world after watching the men who make us fat and the truth about sports aids
* I still equate thin with fitness and beauty.
* I want to be a size 10 even though I tell people I'm aiming for comfortable 14.
Oh that is strangely cathartic.:^:

InATizzy
09-18-2012, 09:03 AM
*I obsessively weigh myself, 3-10 times per day.
* when I rollover my stomach rolls too

Garnet2727
09-18-2012, 09:02 PM
~I confess that I'm starting to get both complacent and whiny. The luster has worn off this weight loss effort and things that I used to be pretty zen about are starting to bug me.

~I confess that traveling for business has made it much harder for me to stay on plan.

~I confess to falling off my weight loss wagon for two days this week.

~I confess that I'm scared of gaining weight back.

~I confess that I'm not too sure about my will power any more.

guacamole
09-18-2012, 10:26 PM
Garnet2727 - I can really relate to everything you wrote right now. I think this thread is what I need right now because I also have some new confessions.

-I confess that my eating since August has been for the most part off plan.

-I confess that since August I got out of the habit of logging my daily calories and food and still don't regularly log them.

-I confess that I no longer know exactly how many calories I am eating per day (much less how many micro-nutrients like carbs/sodium/sugars that I used to track).

-I confess that my clothing is getting tighter.

-I confess that I try to reassure myself that the exercise I do makes up for any extra calories - but there are days when I don't exercise.

-I confess that I feel like I am hanging onto the weight loss ledge by my fingertips and they are slowly slipping off.

-I confess that I envision myself 1 year from now once more fat and unhappy, having regained all of the weight I worked hard to lose.

-I confess that I feel out of control with my eating.

-I confess that I am terrified to step on the scale right now.

That felt good to get off my chest. I feel rather selfish for being so upset over something like weight loss and falling of the wagon when there are so many people with much more serious problems in the world. Maybe it is shallow - but it's about more than looks. For the first time in a long time I ate until I felt sick and bloated these last few days. My stomach has been bothering me and I have felt like I need to undo the top button on my pants. All the old "overeating" symptoms. I don't want to go back to being practically immobile and spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom! I don't want unpleasant side effects of overeating like gas and stomach cramps and joint pain and high blood pressure. I don't want to not be able to fit into any of the clothing in my closet - I can't imagine having to give away all of the new clothes that I have bought over the past year. I did that once and never want to do it again unless it is for the next size down!

Thanks for listening.

Garnet2727
09-18-2012, 10:30 PM
*hugs guacamole*

Brandnewday
09-19-2012, 12:00 AM
I confess that I have put life on hold until I am thin enough to enjoy it, thus depriving my whole family of my company and a lot of experiences.

I confess that I am already worried about how I will look in my daughter's wedding pictures next September. I worry about this more than I worry about any other aspect of the wedding.

I confess that I worry that future generations will have no idea what I looked like, because I have not willingly posed for a picture in 20 years, and no one tries to sneak shots of me anymore because of the way I react.

I confess that I worry that I have already done irreversible damage to my body.

I confess that I laid such a load of bs on my gyno last year that if I don't show some results when I go back in May she will scold me and remind me of my big talk.

FirstLove
09-19-2012, 07:54 AM
Wow, what a great thread. I guess it's time for ME to visit the confession booth:


Because I've regained the 40-lb weightloss my doctor praised, I haven't seen her for three years (and have no immediate plan to do so)
I spritz the seat & thighs of my jeans with water before I put them on so I can move in them
I fake pleasure during intimacy, because in reality I'm mortified being touched and simply can't get into the mood
Whenever I'm eating sensibly, I'm self-righteously repulsed by how my overweight friend inhales his food
I automatically feel inferior to any thin woman
I automatically feel "safe" with any overweight woman
I'm bothered that men don't look at me anymore, even though it makes me uncomfortable
I have this weird, low-grade animosity (hidden) toward a group of female co-workers who have lost weight and are now tiny, fit exercise fanatics


I'm sure there's more to come. Thanks for listening and for your honesty in sharing, everyone! When we voice our hidden fears, we take away their power.

olleharr
09-21-2012, 01:47 PM
Hi all, newbie here and I do have a few confessions to make;

~ I confess that I am a cronic yo-yo- dieter. One step forward, two steps back.
~ I confess that I sabotaged myself with my favorite hobby; cake decorating. Bakers do like to taste test.
~ I confess that my feet hurt at the end of the day not because of my poor choice of shoes but because of my poor food choices.
~ I confess that once again I had to fib my weight on my drivers license.
~ I confess that revealing my true weight on this site scares the **** out of me.

ImImportant
09-21-2012, 06:40 PM
I confess that sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel because thinner won't equal younger and I feel that I've lost my youth, so why bother.

I confess that I was late leaving for work this morning because I got caught up trying on old clothes.

I confess that I sang a "welcome back friend" song, out loud to my old clothes that I could fit into again.

Twilightwing
09-22-2012, 03:53 PM
i confess that when i lose a few pounds, i eat loads of crap and gain it back with a quickness. Not sure why unless im scared to lose weight for some reason.

I confess that when we were teens (i weighed 130) my sister made fun of me for being fat and now in our 40's she is only 30 lbs lighter than me and im secretly happy about it even tho that mortifies me.

I confess i hardly ever exercise... even walking ...cause i just cant be bothered..how sad is that?? im lazy cause im fat and sedentary, and i know that... but wont do crap to fix it..i keep saying..' tomorrow im gonna walk'

i was never the kind of woman that needed a man to make me happy, or complete me, but... i left my hubby 3.5 years ago, and i am so bloody lonely but feel no man will ever want me again..which makes me sad so i eat...

i have always been a pretty strong woman in most facets of my life, but this weight thing, and smoking, really makes me mad that i havnt been able to get a handle on it. i feel like a weakling...

the most embarrasing... because i am so lonely, i made out with a 26 year old kid last november... he said he wanted me to lose 100 lbs and he would date me...and i actually considered it ...omg...how humiliating...26? and im not good enough to date fat but would have to lose 100? i am so mad at myself for actually considering it... when i lose weight, it will be for ME...NO ONE else... the cheeky bugger lol

wow...that feels good to type it out...albeit a little humiliating lol...im sure there will be more later

FirstLove
09-25-2012, 03:27 PM
I confess that I didn't join this forum for a long time, just because I didn't like the name.

I confess that I hide this website from my husband & co-workers because the name feels a bit humiliating. Or maybe just too descriptive.

(Even though I AM a "fat chick." Sigh.)

healthyangie
09-25-2012, 04:05 PM
Hmmmm...

~ I confess also to always looking around and seeing how I compare to all the others. Even when I'm comparing myself to someone 20 years younger, I always seems to never measure up - even if I'm at a good weight.

~ I confess I secretly get upset with friends who do lose weight and look great. I know it's my own frustration with myself but it feels like ugly jealousy.

~ I confess that for a woman in her 40's, I should feel more comfortable in my own skin - but I don't!

~ I confess I'm gonna get injectables to help with the neck up :)

starbrite
09-26-2012, 01:53 PM
Gosh...here goes
I confess that after losing 145lbs I want some attention. I'm not getting it from DH so hope to get it elsewhere...
I confess to hating my naked body, despite working out four times a week
I confess to being obsessed by the smell of pizza. My family had pizza for dinner and I had a plate of broccoli. I had a hissy fit !!
I confess that I'm not cured - this problem will remain with me until I die. I am obsessed with food.
Feeling sad :(

syndehat
09-26-2012, 02:05 PM
This is so interesting to read. Since we are all on different stages of this journey I can't help but learn from each of you wise ladies.

"starbrite" says that even now, when she is within 10# of her goal weight, she STILL obsesses over food. :( I find this upsetting because, as a person on the starting end of the process, I would like to think that it gets easier as I go along. Like a new habit becomes just part of your daily life and you don't have to consider it much.
To hear that, most likely anyhow, that will not be the case is upsetting/frustrating/maddening all at once. Know what I mean?:?:

twinieten
09-27-2012, 12:47 PM
I confess that I compare myself to 20-something and 30-something women who are in fabulous shape, perhaps athletes, but who obviously have spent a fair amount of time creating and maintaining their well toned physique, and I allow myself to become discouraged. Even though I was never an athlete, was never in very good physical shape and only became totally serious about physical fitness about 2 years ago, and don't look half bad for a woman my age and level of fitness.

And healthyangie, I have used injectables and it was money well spent. I need a re-do.

healthyangie
09-27-2012, 02:36 PM
I confess that I compare myself to 20-something and 30-something women who are in fabulous shape, perhaps athletes, but who obviously have spent a fair amount of time creating and maintaining their well toned physique, and I allow myself to become discouraged. Even though I was never an athlete, was never in very good physical shape and only became totally serious about physical fitness about 2 years ago, and don't look half bad for a woman my age and level of fitness.

And healthyangie, I have used injectables and it was money well spent. I need a re-do.

We sound an aweful lot alike! The injectables are going to be my Christmas present to myself. No more debating .... Thanks ;)

kelijpa
09-29-2012, 11:12 AM
I don't know what injectables are...

Syndehat, I think it gets easier in some ways but still hard in others, it's good to have a healthy fear of re-gaining, if you don't you're destined to go there.

I wanted to mention to Guacamole, I read the first page and skipped to the last, she was going to delete if no one responded in a couple days, I wonder how she feels this thread has been going on for a YEAR or so! Wow, what a great thing she did starting it, thanks!

I confess - deep, deep down I'm scared s***less about gaining back, even though up front I'm sure this is going to be the last time I have to lose this much.

I confess - watching extreme makeover weightloss edition, I got scared about skin surgery since everyone of them had to have it, but since I'm slow and steady it seems my skin is responding well. maybe it's just because they lose so much so fast...

I confess - I used to be a secret eater, eating something in the car, stopping somewhere to throw out the wrappers so DH wouldn't know I had something in the car, even if it wasn't that bad.

I confess - I have a little fear of becoming addicted to weight loss, I really want to be fit and healthy, I don't want to succumb to doing something for fast loss that will throw me off the lifestyle change aspects, I fear the addictive aspects of my food problems could show up in an unhealthy way down the road.

thanks!
:sunny:

xirene
09-29-2012, 11:17 AM
I confess that I have been dreaming about food lately- specifically candy and cookies, and I wake up with horrible pangs of guilt as if I'd actually eaten them. I have to remind myself it wasn't real and that dream calories don't count.

twinieten
09-30-2012, 08:04 AM
I have also purchased food and thrown away wrappers before anyone could see them. Or I've hidden food so, a) no one else would eat it and, b) no one would know I was eating it. Like an alcoholic hiding bottles. I'd eat in private.

Injectables would be Botox, Botox-like products, and injectable fillers. I did Botox and I'm saving for fillers. Fillers are quite a bit more expensive.

guacamole
09-30-2012, 09:37 AM
kelijpa - I had forgotten about that! Yeah, for a few days I was left hanging and thought about deleting this thread! I'm glad I didn't.

Stripes 237
09-30-2012, 06:09 PM
I posted too much, so I'm un-posting that. But it was good to get it off my chest, anyway, after all these years. :)

kelijpa
09-30-2012, 07:02 PM
thanks for the info twinieten, I was wondering :)

and thanks again guacamole for the thread!
:goodvibes

twinieten
01-06-2013, 08:17 AM
I confess that now that I'm so close to my goal weight, I feel smug. I look at the people who called me obsessed and the people who have told me I'm doing things wrong, I'm not healthy, I need to stop losing weight....the negative feedback, the negative people... I look at them and I feel vindicated. And yes, I feel smug. I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish, and they're pretty much the same. They're talking about what they want to do, but they aren't doing it.

Maybe it's true that I'm not obsessed. I'm determined.

HeatherAngel
01-06-2013, 08:45 PM
I'm SO grateful to find this thread! I'm new... again. I gained a lot of weight after I got married and stayed fat and unhappy in an abusive relationship. After all - no one else was ever going to love me.

Between March '07 and Aug '08 I spent almost every day here, counting calories and walking, then running. I lost 127lbs and wore a size 6/8 for the first time in - oh, EVER. I was running 2hrs, training for a marathon. And my lying, cheating husband left me anyway.

In '09, he convinced me to have elective surgery and he'd come back. I'm clearly an idiot. Over the past 3.5yrs, I've regained every pound, plus 11 more. I've become reclusive out of shame. Truly, SHAME. Everyone is so complimentary as you lose weight - no one says a word as it creeps back on. How embarrassing, to have gone through surgery and STILL regained it all. What kind of a LOSER does that to herself? This is the negative self-talk that has been so damaging.

And so, I begin again. I know I can do this - I've done it before. And as my confidence grows, I will take risks again - in life, and maybe in love. Maybe.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this thread. Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me join you. :)

ETA: I confess to being scared of still being unattractive when I'm fitter, even though I'm logically sure this isn't true.
I confess to keeping all of my size 6/8 clothes... just in case. Though they break my heart.
I confess to knowing EXACTLY how and why I got fat, stayed fat, lost weight and got fit, and regained. There is no excuse.
I confess that when I was slim and fit, almost everything in my life really was better, easier- it really, REALLY was.
I confess to so much shame that it has exhausted me, to the point where the ONLY thing left to do is get healthy or die.

kelijpa
01-07-2013, 06:36 AM
HeatherAngel :hug: the first steps on your new path :hug:

olehcat
01-07-2013, 07:00 AM
I only read the first page of this, so I don't know if I'm repeating others' confessions, haha.

I confess to having severe body image problems around people who are significantly smaller than me, especially if they are around my height or shorter, going so far as to lie about my weight to a good friend who is way smaller than me (both in height and weight). I told her I was around 125 (I do always look smaller than my actual weight), and now I'm closer to 145. I'm 5'2" and she's 5'0" and only about 100 pounds. I would feel ENORMOUS next to her and I hate that feeling. I already feel like King Kong around a friend who is 4'10" and 90 pounds. I actually was relieved when I didn't see her recently when she was going to come and visit me and then canceled. Relieved only because I knew I'd feel HUGE next to her right now.

I will go out of my way to not stand next to people who are smaller than me (as in the people mentioned above) in pictures or even sitting next to them in a group setting where I am convinced others will see me sitting next to someone tiny and svelte and notice how huge I am in comparison (yes, it really is all about me :))

I have canceled a doc appointment before because I felt so ashamed of my weight gain and didn't want to be weighed in the doc's office.

I feel intensely jealous of people who have reached MY goal weight (people who are around my height and age especially). Jealous in a good way in that I don't resent them but I want to achieve the same thing.

I go out of my way to look for success stories of the people mentioned above (same height, age, weight goal) and get disappointed when I mostly see younger people or people who are 5'8" and started at 250 pounds and their goal weight is where I am now, etc. :)

Ah, those confessions felt really good!

twinieten
01-07-2013, 08:22 AM
Olehcat, repeat confessions are repeatable. Many of us share the same "secrets".

Standing by smaller people, there's one I haven't thought about it awhile! That one really rang true for me!

guacamole
01-07-2013, 11:55 AM
These confessions are about more than weight loss - but I know that this baggage contributes to my inability to reach my goal thus far....

I confess that I am disappointed at what I have achieved in my life.

I confess that I always wanted to be more than a wife and mom like my own mother, and right now my life pretty much mimics hers. I confess that I hate that.

I confess that I never ever want to go back to my former career that I went to college for, got a master's degree for, worked at for 13 years, and got laid off from in 2011. I did it because my parents wanted me to have a "sensible and stable" job and would only pay for me to have a "sensible and stable" major in college, and I took a job in the field to support my family, but it was never something I was passionate about. It was a soul-killing kind of numbness that took me over after awhile. I want to do something I love or just stay at home and devote my time to my family (which is what I am doing now until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up).

I confess that even though I have an easier time going out in public than when I was at my high weight, I still balk at attending social events.

I confess that I run my errands outside of my neighborhood so that I won't run into people who know me.

I confess that I doubt if I will ever reach my goal weight.

I confess that sometimes I am lulled into thinking I look fitter/thinner/younger/prettier than I really do - and than something or someone will give me a reality check.

I confess that I have a book idea that's been mulling around mostly in my head and on a few notes of paper for the past 1 1/2 years, but I haven't been able to put pen to paper and actually write it. I confess it's been a dream of mine since the age of 10 to write a book, and I'm afraid I will never achieve that dream due to my own procrastination and laziness and lack of talent.

I confess that I think if I lose the weight, I will suddenly achieve all my dreams and finally be prepared to face the world as a successful person - even though I logically know the same social anxiety issues and emotional baggage will still be there.

Radiojane
01-07-2013, 12:13 PM
These confessions are about more than weight loss - but I know that this baggage contributes to my inability to reach my goal thus far....

I confess that I am disappointed at what I have achieved in my life.

I confess that I always wanted to be more than a wife and mom like my own mother, and right now my life pretty much mimics hers. I confess that I hate that.

I confess that I never ever want to go back to my former career that I went to college for, got a master's degree for, worked at for 13 years, and got laid off from in 2011. I did it because my parents wanted me to have a "sensible and stable" job and would only pay for me to have a "sensible and stable" major in college, and I took a job in the field to support my family, but it was never something I was passionate about. It was a soul-killing kind of numbness that took me over after awhile. I want to do something I love or just stay at home and devote my time to my family (which is what I am doing now until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up).

I confess that even though I have an easier time going out in public than when I was at my high weight, I still balk at attending social events.

I confess that I run my errands outside of my neighborhood so that I won't run into people who know me.

I confess that I doubt if I will ever reach my goal weight.

I confess that sometimes I am lulled into thinking I look fitter/thinner/younger/prettier than I really do - and than something or someone will give me a reality check.

I confess that I have a book idea that's been mulling around mostly in my head and on a few notes of paper for the past 1 1/2 years, but I haven't been able to put pen to paper and actually write it. I confess it's been a dream of mine since the age of 10 to write a book, and I'm afraid I will never achieve that dream due to my own procrastination and laziness and lack of talent.

I confess that I think if I lose the weight, I will suddenly achieve all my dreams and finally be prepared to face the world as a successful person - even though I logically know the same social anxiety issues and emotional baggage will still be there.


Guacamole,

You just hit the nail on the head with your first sentence, (not to mention the rest). These are exactly the same issues I'm struggling with, and it's good to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't know what I want to be when I grow up and isn't satisfied with what I've done so far.

guacamole
01-07-2013, 01:13 PM
Radiojane - Thanks. It's nice to know that someone out there "gets it."

SciFi Mom
01-08-2013, 11:34 AM
I live in a neighborhood that I swear is full of nothing but skinny joggers. (And I can't even make it through the beginning state of couch to 5k.) So it is SOOOO nice to finally come to this board and read posts that mirror EXACTLY how I feel.

I can even count how many times I read someone's confession and thought, "I thought I was the only one that felt that way." And I had to laugh at the "deserted island" scenario. I have thought about that one a lot!

My confessions:

-Ditto to many of the posts above. (I know - that is cheating.)

-I look at my tall, model thin beautiful children and I worry that they will someday wind up heavy like me.

-Part of me wants to be thin just because I feel like I embarrass my children when I go places with them. I know it isn't the truth (my daughters usually tell it like it is) but I still feel that way. My son is 17 so he rarely wants to hang out with mom anyway (what 17 year old boy does?) but I would really like to be thin for those few times I am around his peers.

-I am petrified this weight is not going to come off so I have often kept myself from trying.

- I HATE mirrors. Even with my clothes on.

betsy2013
01-08-2013, 11:48 AM
I'm not in the 40's -- I'm in the 60's -- but reading these is inspirational because I think dealing with these fears head on helps us. So, here are my secret fears:

Having the doctor tell me to lose weight and then doing nothing to help me do it is frustrating. But since I know this is a trigger for her, I have avoided going to the doctor with a bad case of bronchitis because I knew she'd be displeased with all the weight I gained over the holidays. We're both at fault.

I worry that when I'm at someone's house, I will break the chair I'm sitting in. Worse, it's embarrassing when they politely but firmly provide me with a "special" chair so they don't risk me breaking one of their good chairs.

I had an insightful friend who said that I gained all of this weight to avoid being in relationships after getting hurt badly a couple of times. I worry that if and when I get to the point where a) I want to date and b) someone wants to date me that I'll get hurt again.......and might regain the weight.

I worry that I've being obese for so long that I've done permanent damage to my joints.

I worry that I'll lose my "fat" friends. We all have them -- other people who are heavy like we are and there's something in the misery loves company cliche. However, some of these people are very dear friends and I hope that we're able to keep those friendships going.

Enough worrying for the day. Thanks to all for being so open. Again, for me a lot of this weight loss journey is psychological and 3FC has made that part of it so much easier!

Naddles
01-10-2013, 05:26 PM
Oh this thread is really deep and Im glad I found it because so much of this still exsists after we lose the weight. My goal has been to dig deep and fix the underlining issue but I don't know what it is, where it came from, and how to reverse it. All I know is how to try and lose the weight. I can so relate to everyones fears and frustrations also. I have some of my own.

Im afraid that losing the weight will make me look older especially in the neck region. (There I said it been keeping that one in)

Im afraid I will just be skinny fat and still have the holes in my legs and rear.

The only thing I like about my body is my chest and I am afraid of losing them or sagging.

Im afraid to stop eating chocolate for fear of binging later during my progress.

Im afraid I have to much information about diets, food and the like that it holds back my progress.

Im afraid just like many of you that my daughter is following my footsteps.

Im deathly afraid of losing all the weight and gaining it all back.

Feels good to let that out into the universe. Thank you.

ImImportant
01-11-2013, 04:29 PM
Guacamole. I feel the same about my job. I'm at the point where I want to make some changes in my professional life but I want the security that my job brings. I'm going to be aggressive with my bills and get myself in a financial position where I can take more risks. I would like to live in another country for a while but I don't know where to start. If I figure that out, I can work on the debt while figuring out my paperwork so that I can be ready as soon as the debt is paid off.

I have been wondering what next??? after I lose my weight, after I'm in the clothes I want to wear, when my style is updated, I'll be a thinner, well dressed 46 year old sitting at home alone.

I think my weight is a barrier to looking for a relationship but as I get closer to goal I feel that excuse slipping away and as I grasp for reasons I face the fact that it has never been my weight, and I need to figure out the real barrier.

kelijpa
01-12-2013, 10:44 PM
It was way too easy to go back for more ice cream until DH and I split the whole thing.

After a year of eating healthy, I still sometimes just turn off that inner healthy voice, FitGirl is getting stronger but FatGirl still kicks her butt sometimes!

suzyslimdown
01-13-2013, 03:48 PM
I'v lost it before and feel good and strong and then I stumble and fall and can't get back up. This has happened more then a few times and so I always wonder..what makes me think I won't stumble and fall again. Each time I fall it takes me longer and longer to recover and more to lose.

Hubby sees me start off on my journey and says with a smile "don't lose your boobs". He means to make a joke, but those things stick in your head.

NerdGoose
01-13-2013, 11:38 PM
I just registered to have a chance to participate in this awesome thread...

I am afraid of getting older - I turn 45 this spring and I am more apprehensive about this birthday than any other.

I confess that the job I am really good at, well trained at, that I have done for, oh, twenty years or so, just doesn't seem to be the right job for me anymore. I have no other skills to speak of, and I'm afraid I'm too old to be given a chance at something new.

I confess I was thrilled when DH thought it was a good time to quit my job (which I felt was sucking the life out of me), but now I'm scared I will either never have a good job again or will go back to what I'm good at, but hate.

I confess I feel I'm spoiled and ungrateful for the roof over my head, paid bills, great husband and beloved pets.

I confess I have no friends, and I'm lonely, but too scared of people to make any.

I confess I feel I should spend more time exercising now that I don't work, but I don't.

I'm afraid that I will get cocky and stop weighing myself and logging calories. I'm afraid I will fail.

I confess that watching "the biggest loser" makes me feel incredibly inadequate.

NerdGoose
01-13-2013, 11:59 PM
Oops, almost forgot my personal worst...

My ex left me in 2001 after 13 years of marriage for a 20 year-old. I'm remarried to a much better man and better off emotionally and financially. But... I still hate, literally hate, both of them. There, I said it.

Hunskie
01-14-2013, 12:20 AM
I confess:
~ I blame myself for my boys being overweight. If it were not for my bad influence and gene pool they would not be single right now, and would have more confindence to go out and look for a girl friend.
~ I thought I'd be happier once I lost the weight, but I wasn't because I expected perfect!
~ I blame the doctors for why I gained the weight back because none of them would listen to me about getting a referal for skin reduction when I was thinner. Now I have a referal, but it came to late. Deep down... I know it's my fault but it's easier to place blame than to face shame.
~ I also look around to see if I'm the fattest in the room, and I'm shamefully happy when I'm not.
~ When I'm desperate for candy, I sneak in my kids (they're adults now) rooms and steal theirs.
~ I wait until my family is asleep and sneak out, buy 20 dollars worth of junk and eat it all before anyone wakes up.
~ I've been battling bulimia since I was 13... I'm 44!
That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

momtopands
01-14-2013, 01:10 AM
I have to think hard about how to express my confessions. Some are simple but some not so easy to put into words but here I go.

I confess that like many others I worry, no I know that I am responsible for my son already being overweight and that he struggles with any strenuous activity. His doctor keeps saying he's within the range for his age, though on the upper end, and don't worry. I say any fool can see he weighs more than he should, why in the world would I wait until he's an obese child before we work on it and i'm not sure how to help him lose the "beer belly" he has going on without some input. He's only 9.

I confess being secretly angry with my 62 year old mother who has never weighed more than 21 pounds more than she did pre-pregnancy with me(and that was 40 years ago!). And that right now she is still at her pre-pregnancy weight. I was annoyed that when she was 5 years OLDER than I am now she rode 450 miles on her bike for charity, and yes if she took the time to train she could do it again today. I love her, but she makes me sick. And of course she's the voice in my head constantly saying you need to lose weight, you're getting bigger and bigger, you need to be around to take care of your kids...its really depressing.

I confess that I believe, without a doubt, that I can lose this weight. However, that will not solve the real underlying issues I have always had with low self esteem. I had those issues when I was 15, had a perfect hourglass shape, and weighed 113lbs. I am afraid that I won't know how to deal with the real problems so that my life can truly be better, and i'll always be unhappy.

I confess that I have never been asked out, never felt attractive and never been on a date and i'm afraid I never will. I'm even more afraid of what would happen if someone did. I'm 40 years old and would have no idea what to do. I'm terrified of being alone for the rest of my life because of this fear. Loneliness is stifling.

I confess that I used to be happier, I used to smile and laugh but now i've turned into and apathetic shrew, negative almost all the time. And i'm afraid i'll never get back that person that I once was. I don't even know where to begin to try.

I confess that i'd like to just close my door, keep the windows covered, wrap up in a blanket on the couch and never move again. If it wasn't for my children, i'm almost sure that's exactly what I would have done long ago.

I confess that I envy anyone that doesn't have to work. I hate that I have no choice.

Believe it or not I still have hope that things can get better, but every year that seems more and more difficult. Bringing me to my last confession. Last year I turned 40 and for the first time in my life, I felt old. Other people that are 40 aren't old, just me. Big, fat, lonely old me. I hate that I even think that.

MissJeanLouise
01-14-2013, 09:07 AM
You are all so brave and I want to be brave, too!


...

I am afraid of getting older - I turn 45 this spring and I am more apprehensive about this birthday than any other.


I confess I have no friends, and I'm lonely, but too scared of people to make any.



These 2 are vrey true for me. I turn 45 next month and I'm...horrified. Obviously it's better than the alternative but....what the heck? 45?? I've been in the worst depression I've experienced in over 13 years these past 6 weeks, and I have to think it's related.

Oops, almost forgot my personal worst...

My ex left me in 2001 after 13 years of marriage for a 20 year-old. I'm remarried to a much better man and better off emotionally and financially. But... I still hate, literally hate, both of them. There, I said it.

Understandable. Probably something you'll need to let go of (don't ask me---I'm no expert on letting go!) but 100% understandable.

I have to think hard about how to express my confessions. Some are simple but some not so easy to put into words but here I go.


I confess that i'd like to just close my door, keep the windows covered, wrap up in a blanket on the couch and never move again. If it wasn't for my children, i'm almost sure that's exactly what I would have done long ago.

I confess that I envy anyone that doesn't have to work. I hate that I have no choice.

Believe it or not I still have hope that things can get better, but every year that seems more and more difficult.

These are also true for me.

Almost every single day, I have a period of time---anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to all day---during which the pull to go somewhere and hide is so strong. I'm lucky I have an office door to close because some days I just have to close the door and cry.

As for the work thing...it goes beyond envy for me at times. I'll admit that sometimes I am actually angry at my sister that she is incredibly wealthy, with a beautiful home and fancy cars, all of which are fully paid for. She gets to travel, go to exercise classes every day, and pamper herself. I hate feeling so petty, but I do.

As for me:

I know, deep down, that getting back in control of my weight isn't going to cure the issue. This time, it's my weight, but other times the 'symptom' is different but the issue is the same. I am deeply, deeply uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like a horrible, awful person and I chase those feelings away with whatever my obsession of the month is. Once I get my weight down again, I'm sure to start overspending again or drinking too much or escaping some other way...unless I fix this. But who has the energy? Who has hope?

Final confession, changing from the high drama I just posted to just an observation:
I'm like the anorexia police on baords like this. I see posts from women (always women) who are normal or underweight, trying to skinny down and wondering why people in their lives are nagging them, and I am all over their business. I'm not sure why it grinds my gears so much, but it does.

koolkittychick
01-15-2013, 05:39 PM
Registered to commiserate with you all. Okay, here goes my confessions:

I got fat by massive binge eating, and it's a struggle every day not to resort to this behavior whenever I'm feeling stressed, bored, angry, happy, ****, whenever I'm feeling.

Even though I am a very sexual person and have a high sexual appetite, I haven't had it in 12 years. It wasn't planned; I stopped having it when I had too many issues with my body, and I was so busy feeling sorry for myself over it that I looked up and noticed a decade plus went by without it. Not that I haven't had offers, I just didn't want to at this weight, and not with the kind of people who were offering.

I ate myself out of the option to have kids. I have fibroids, which are affected by weight, and they had grown to the point where even if I could find a doctor willing to operate to remove them, it would leave my womb looking like Swiss cheese. Not a sturdy environment for a growing fetus.

I am terrified that when I lose all my weight, I will actually look my age. I am constantly mistaken for being in my mid-twenties (or younger depending on how I'm dressed) even though I am 43, and I have no idea whether it's the fat making me look younger or my family genetics. The women in my family typically look 10 to 15 younger than they actually are, but stress and hard labor (like rigorous exercise) can also age us pretty quick. I have seen some women's before and after pictures and they honestly looked way better (age-wise) in their before pictures. That frightens me sometimes, especially since I have so much to lose.

I am the laziest person you will ever meet. If it were up to me, I would stay in bed watching television until the end of time and I would b e happy. I wasn't always this way, but I haven't a clue as to how to get over myself and do the work to get my life back.

Those are my biggest problems holding me back. Hope it helps some of you ladies feel not so alone.

TWaff
01-20-2013, 10:08 PM
Reading this thread made me cry. Your confesions have moved me so much. I feel like a relate to just about everything that has been written here but I have been afraid to admit to myself. For years, I have been hiding behind my size. I have battled with self esteem issues since I was attacked at the age of 15. Things spirraled after my divorce. I was already overweight at that time and decided that I was good enough for any man. So I haven't dated for the past 12 years - no one has asked me out and I tell myself its because I'm fat but the truth is I don't put myself out there to meet anyone.

Thanks everyone for being brave enough to share your stories.

guacamole
07-18-2013, 07:23 PM
Confession time again -

I have gained 13 lbs over the last 9 months, and I am afraid that I am back on the road to obesity.

I find myself not wanting to go out in public, as I felt during my highest weights.

I used to feel like one of the thinner people in a room last summer, and now I no longer feel that way.

My rolls and folds are starting to come back, and it scares the bejeezus out of me.

I am starting to become more of a couch potato at home, as in the "old days" of obesity.

I don't like my DH to see me naked in bed or otherwise - a blanket or sheet is my best friend! He can't understand why.

I no longer enjoy the thrill of clothes shopping like I did last year when I was going down in sizes...in fact, I feel fearful to try on new clothes because I don't want to see that I am in a larger size.

I feel like I am ruining my health with each passing day that I eat off plan and put on pounds, and I feel powerless to stop myself.

aspen13
07-19-2013, 08:42 AM
Big :hug:, guacamole!!

olehcat
07-19-2013, 08:56 AM
@Guacamole - I can completely sympathize with how you're feeling. My weight gain has been about 13 pounds over 2 years, and just during this past year I got into some bad habits of not staying active and getting USED to that feeling and just doing a lot of habits that I do not associate with my thinner years! *hugs*


My confession: Whenever I anticipate eating off plan, I get such a huge thrill, like I'm about to go on a fun carnival ride. It's paired with a feeling of "**** you" toward dieting and eating "healthy" and "clean" and I get downright giddy. Like last night, my ex (who is visiting for the summer and who has been an awful influence on me eating-wise) wanted to order pizza. I was so thrilled about it, even though I had told myself that both cheese and wheat are really bad for me lately and certainly not good for my waistline.

ForMyGirls
07-19-2013, 09:26 AM
Hey Guacamole,

You are so brave and amazing - to start this awesome post in the first place and now to show us all the really scary feelings. Thank you for making it possible for all of us to reveal our own gremlins.

Before I share some of confessions though - way back in these posts somewhere you said you want to write a book, or that you have partly written one. When I read it I wanted to reply and say "do it!" you express yourself so eloquently here that I think your writing would be magic.

So for my confessions:

- I confess I'm a bit scared of this online environment. I'm scared I'm going to be an overkeen newbie over poster or that I will say something that reveals my true identity and be horribly embarrassed by what I have shown

- I confess that I think my kids are fat and that I want to change that and not just for them

- I confess that the only time I have ever been successful in losing weight was when I was newly single and desperate to get laid so I am scared that without that driver I won't have enough motivation

- I confess that I am scared that it is too late to create good life habits for my girls

- I confess that I love the "scan it yourself" aisles at the supermarket because I can buy lots of junk without anyone having to show it to another person

- I confess that I am worried about the loose skin factor at the end if this all

- I confess that a big part of me thinks I'm totally kidding myself and there is absolutely no way I will ever, ever, weigh 65kg

- I confess that I am insanely jealous of women who are fit, strong and lean

- I confess that I am a workaholic and that this gets in the way of leading a healthy life

guacamole
07-19-2013, 04:28 PM
aspen13 - Thanks so much! :hug:

olehcat - Oh, I feel that food euphoria too! I know most of us have been conditioned as children to think of food as a treat. Now any off plan food or larger food portion is thought of as a treat for me.

ForMyGirls - Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot. I almost feel afraid that I will die before reaching my goal of finishing a book. I would hate for that to happen, but it's like I am paralyzed. My husband keeps getting on my case about why I am not writing. He keeps thinking I am going to make us rich by writing a best seller! It's a lot of pressure, and it seems so far fetched. Great confessions! Love the one about the "scan it yourself" checkout lanes!

Like you, I also fear I have missed the boat with some of my kids about good eating habits. Luckily most are thin right now. One of my daughters is my main concern. I brought her up in my first confession, I think. I do feel that my daughter is starting to adopt some of my better eating habits, and I think she has started to stave off any further weight gain. She seems to be more concerned about her weight without me having harped on it. Her best friend lost a lot of weight and I think it is inspiring her to do better with her food. Now that she is a teen, I think she feels more peer pressure to keep her weight down, because many of the girls in her class are skinny. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I do feel guilty that we have not been bike riding this summer as we had planned. I like to ride in the morning, and she wakes late. In the afternoon, she works. We have gone for a few walks, but I would like to do more with her.

ForMyGirls
07-19-2013, 07:10 PM
Guacamole - I have been partnered with two "creatives" in my life and have learnt that there is such a fine line between encouragement and nagging. I think (hope!) I get the balance right these days. My current partner is a writer and a huge devotee of "The Artists Way". Seems to be a very powerful antidote to the writer's block stuff. I have also recently discovered an amazing piece of software for writing called Scrivener - I use it for boring technical writing(!) but it seems like it is used a lot by creative writers. I find it makes it possible to write a little bit without getting overwhelmed. Anyway - hope this hasn't crossed that fine line :-)

Thanks too for sharing re your daughter - I found that part of your first confession so moving! I really empathise with the stuff about working out how to do exercise with kids - my motivation to exercise is so precarious that I have to do it when I am motivated or it just won't happen. Hoping that losing weight will give me the energy that I need to get out with my girls as well as doing my own thing. Actually this has got me thinking. A couple of months ago I got an indoor trainer for my bike so that the fact that it is cold or raining won't stop me from exercising. My older daughter keeps saying she wants to do it too - I have been a bit resistant because I don't want to have to take my bike off. But maybe I should. Taking the bikes on and off will just be bonus strength training after all :-) I could even get a second one and then we can pump it out together :-)

Amy Remixed
07-30-2013, 06:02 PM
The main reason I need to lose weight is for health and mobility reasons. But there is a part of me that wants my ex to drool over me. My weight was never a spoken issue in our relationship. He was actually quite cool about it. But the immature part of me wants him to SUFFER MY HOTNESS for other reasons.

guacamole
07-30-2013, 06:14 PM
Amy Remixed - "SUFFER MY HOTNESS" What a great line!! :carrot::carrot:

I have no doubt that he will! However, it's important that you stick to this journey for yourself....sometimes the hike to the top gets to be too much to keep up with just for revenge....it's got to be for the love of yourself.

ForMyGirls - No lines crossed here....I appreciate your suggestions and encouragement. I also love the idea of a bike trainer, because I took months off from bike riding over the winter and cold spring. This might be something for me to consider as the weather gets colder....

Amy Remixed
07-31-2013, 02:53 AM
Hi Guacamole,

97.5% of my resolve is to be healthy and active for the rest of my life. But the rest of it is petty. I know he regrets that we're not together. But I want him to lose sleep over my hotness. :D

jigglefree
08-02-2013, 08:11 AM
I've been gaining weight for a year and a half. Thankfully I haven't gained all the weight I lost.

My confessions...
- I have re gained 45 of the 113 pounds I lost and I feel awful
- I've had a hard time accepting responsibility for it.
- I've tried some the quick weight loss methods that have been epic failures
- I think about working out but never do anything.
- Even though I know better I figure being 49 gives me an excuse to be lazy.
- I wait until my husband and daughter go to bed then I eat everything I can

TIME TO CHANGE IF I PLAN TO MAKE GOAL!!!

Magicsusan
08-02-2013, 08:42 AM
Jiggle, I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but I'm glad you're here. You make that decision, and we will back you all the way!

jigglefree
08-02-2013, 07:01 PM
Magicsusan...Thank you so much.

Chubbly
08-17-2013, 03:47 PM
I am ashamed to attend family functions and haven't gone home to visit my family in 4 years because I am afraid they will see how big I got.

I am afraid my husband doesn't find me attractive any more, though he tells me every day he loves me now matter what size I am.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror...I lift up my hanging gut and tell myself what a "fat cow" I am.

I am terrified I will fail...every year I say the same thing about losing weight and just gain more.

I hate myself because I have body issues that deter from being intimate with my husband and don't want him touching me.

I have an inner "sucks to be you" moment when I see the mean girls I went to high school with who were thin now very large. It makes me want to yell at them and say how does it feel now that you are in my shoes!

Last, but not least...I make fat jokes about myself around other people before they can say them about me.

Whoa...tissue time! After reading all these posts it pains me to see many are going through the same thing, however it also gives me a glimmer of hope that I am not alone and there is a light at the end of this very long tunnel.

junem
08-20-2013, 01:16 PM
I have a little confession to make today. I hope no one minds that this is in a lot lighter vein than some of the deep soul-searching postings on this thread. Hugs and smiles to all of you, and remember you are beautiful and worthy at whatever size you're at!

I was over 2 miles into my morning walk/jog when I started to feel some pain in one foot. I looked down to discover that my shoes did not match. The aching foot was sporting an old running shoe.

Yes, I am that dork with the unmatched shoes.

Snoooze
08-20-2013, 01:47 PM
I hate my thighs & the overhang that has grown on my stomach over the years.

MrsKevin
09-04-2013, 12:38 PM
A big eye opener confession from me:

I have very very very few photos with my daughter who is now TWENTY, because I was ashamed of the way I looked on film. I didn't feel that heavy, but to look at photos was torture, so I simple made sure I was taking the photos and not IN them.

I also have very few full body photos of my husband and I because I am this heavy.

The biggest heartbreak is knowing that 1)I will not get back my daughter's childhood to take pix with her no matter WHAT my size and 2) my beloved husband died 7 months ago to stage 4 kidney cancer, and I'll never be able to ever have a photograph with him either.

~MrsKevin

Mrs Snark
09-04-2013, 12:51 PM
I'm so sorry MrsKevin, I'm sure this was a painful realization. :hug:

newleaf123
09-04-2013, 01:49 PM
Mrs. Kevin, thank you so much for the reminder to always hold close those who are dear... I'm so sorry for your loss...

willow49
10-25-2013, 02:02 PM
This was a great post to read because I can relate to this discussion. I secretly worry about what I will look like when I lose the weight. But I have also realized that the only times there are pictures of me with family and friends is when I have lost weight, which I have done twice in the past.
I don't want my wight to be the reason that stops me from doing the things I enjoy.

Veloria
11-17-2013, 11:07 PM
I confess that I have spent my entire life being overweight and have terrible self esteem issues as a result. I have never felt as good as other people.

I confess that I am 41, have never been married and have been in a series of unhealthy long term relationships over the past 20 years which I tolerated and stayed in much longer than I should have because I felt like no one else could love me because I was too fat. My last relationship (5 years, which ended 7 months ago) was with a man with serious anger issues who often screamed at me when he was angry. I was horribly unhappy, but I guess deep down inside I felt like I deserved it and couldn't do any better.

I confess that although I've lost 50 pounds, I hate my body and I am disgusted by the way I look naked. I have more cellulite than someone my size should and my bat wings prevent me from ever wearing sleeveless shirts in public even in the summertime.

I confess that the guy I dated a few months ago disappeared after we had sex for the first time after being super into me for months and I'm convinced that it's because he finally got a glimpse of my naked body.

I confess that because of the situation with the last guy (which completely broke my heart), I am not putting myself out there and have been very closed off to he possibility of meeting another guy. But I really want a relationship, so I have an agreement with myself that I am not going there until I lose 20 more pounds.

I confess that I have spent the past 5 years losing and regaining the same 10 - 15 pounds and I'm really angry at myself about it.

I confess that I worry that no one will ever love me again.