General chatter - My Boyfriend, and the Twix bar in the fridge.
10-22-2011, 10:14 AM
So I wouldn't say this a problem, but something I've definatley noticed. Ever since I've made it known to my boyfriend that I've decided to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle he's been bringing me "treats". A couple of weeks ago it was a Twix bar,(still taunting me everytime I open the fridge!) I kindly told him, "Thanks hun but you know I can't eat this" and he looks disapointed and always says "It's just a candy bar".
Last night it was a Take Five candy bar, and this morning when he was on his way back from art lessons he brought me a croissant, which I also told him I couldnt eat. (Well, technically I CAN eat these things but I choose not to!). The thing is, I don't know how to get him to stop, the other morning we went to Dunkin Donuts, I got a Ham and Cheese Flatbread and then he drove to a bagel store to get what he wanted. While he was ordering he told the lady to get me a bagel!! I had just gotten something at the other drive thru! Im all set!! I got a little annoyed, and left the bagel in his car when he dropped me off.
To me this seems like sabotage. It's funny because the other night he told me I was looking good and that I looked like I had lost weight. Last night, over sushi, he told me he was proud of me. What's up with all that!? It made me feel good that he said those things, but why are you throwing goodies at me left and right?!
Please share any insight or similar experiences ladies! He's a wonderful man, and I have told him time and time agian not to shower me with goodies but he still does! HELP!! :devil:
10-22-2011, 10:57 AM
First, he sounds like a sweet guy-though a little misguided. Guys can be so weird, sometimes. He might be bringing you those treats as rewards from him to you because you make him so proud. My husband does do that sometimes, not a ton, but sometimes, and often I do indulge if it is within my calorie limit. However, if it were an everyday or every week thing, it would be hard to deal with. He might not understand another way to show you how proud he is of you. Could you maybe suggest something else he could bring you? Maybe instead of a candy bar, a pack of sugar free gum or something you utilize for a hobby? I knit, so anytime anyone brings me a skein of yarn, I am over the moon...maybe something like that? He does sound sweet, but you might need to ask him to stop bringing you treats.
10-22-2011, 12:49 PM
I agree, he sounds misguided. It also sounds like he notices the changes going on in you but he might be worried that other guys notice the changes too! The male ego is a fragile thing...he might need some reassurance that he's the guy for you. It sounds a little bit like maybe he's gotten it in his head that you might move on from him when you get all the way down to your goal weight--hence the fattening treats, and hence all the compliments. He wants you to know he appreciates you and that he doesn't take you for granted.
I think some nice reassurance would be good. Just some quiet moments between the two of you where you can let him know that he has nothing to fear and that this will only make you a better girlfriend. And if he still does it, well, keep on resisting-you're doing a great job of avoiding the temptation!
10-22-2011, 02:56 PM
Men act strange about weight loss when it comes to their ladies. Even the most supportive man seems to feel apprehensive when his significant other starts to lose weight. They seem to fear that we're losing weight in preparation of getting rid of them or that another man will notice us and sweep us off our feet. Both fears are usually unwarranted, but it seems that just about everyone woman with a SO faces their man getting a little uneasy.
Talk to him about everything and find out why he's sabotaging you. You may not get a straight answer out of him right away so you might just have to keep dodging food offers (you've been doing great so far!). Make sure to let him know that there are certain foods you can't have anymore and that while you appreciate him bringing home treats for you, you just can't and won't eat them. Let him know it's nothing against him; you just don't want that food.
Reassure him that you're NOT going to take off and make sure to mention that you're losing weight for yourself. Hopefully he will open up and allow a discusion so you can let him know how silly he's being, but just reassuring him may allow you to skip that step as he'll realize you're not going to run off with some other guy.
My fiancee has always been attracted to me (we met at my SW) and he still is now. Yet even he began to get nervous when I started losing weight. He would tell me not to get too thin and got worried when I would go out with my girlfriends that some other guy would approach me. I told him that I was doing this for myself and that I wouldn't let some other guy take me away from him. I accepted his proposal after all and he proposed when I had lost just over 30 pounds. Why would I accept if I had intentions of leaving him? :joker:
10-22-2011, 11:01 PM
Tell him how much you love his support and his trying to treat you with all those goodies. Than maybe see if he could get you different treats instead, like a iTunes card or some cool nail polish color or something else you want that isn't too expensive...
10-23-2011, 12:14 AM
He likes you meatier. That's it. God bless him!!! :)
10-23-2011, 12:30 AM
I get the impression that he doesn't know exactly what you want, or how to be supportive.
Did he ever do these little things for you before? Get you little food gifts?
Maybe he needs a nudge (read: a cluex4) to the head about what you need, and what would help you.
There's no harm in flat out asking him what he's thinking when he buys those things for you, and then saying that while you appreciate he's always thinking of you, that the food gifts are road blocks. And that you'd -really- appreciate if he were thinking of you to stop the food gifts, and come up with something else. (Flowers? Flowers are nice, right? Okay, maybe I'm projecting.)
Just make sure to ask/speak in a very non-accusatory manner. You don't want to hurt his feelings, you just want to understand why he's doing it, and shift his energies to things that will help you on your journey.
10-24-2011, 12:53 AM
Sweet boy, yours :) Mine chucked to himself and swore I'd never last :rolleyes:
It either seems like he's looking to reward you, or that he's worried you'll lose too much weight. Either way, the food gifts are a sense of him wanting to provide for you - food is so highly linked with love, after all. There's a reason your mother will never hesitate to cook for you. She wants you nourished and happy, and that's perfectly natural. Same with your boyfriend. He knows that, at some point in the past, you enjoyed the twix bars, and he wants you to be happy.
Food is something that people share - which makes it so hard to refuse social situations - and so he's probably just looking for a way to connect to you as you start your journey with rewards. Rewards in themselves aren't bad, it's just the type of reward is a little misguided.
My boyfriend is rewarding me, but in a far different way. Our deal is that, if I lose about 30lbs (2 stone in English measurements, he's an englishman with a sexy accent.. :cloud9: ) by Christmas, he'll go half-in on a Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8 L Series lens for my dSLR. It's about $1300, hence why the half-in. On my 1st day of Induction, in a sodium-deprived state I almost broke my diet. Thinking about the possibility of me owning that amazing (truly. worth every penny) lens kept me going. Even now, the idea of dieting excites me because I really couldn't afford that all on my own. My boyfriend (who I'm sure wasn't expecting to spend $700 on me this Christmas) is insanely supportive with just this one gesture. As I mentioned, he usually laughs at me in a joking way when I talk about my weight loss :P
Rewarding you is totally fine, but he needs to find a different way to do it. Sit down and have a talk with him, and maybe set a "goal" - ie: "When I'm 10lbs from GW, we'll book a nice vacation". That will give you something to work towards together - saving money, for example. If that's not within your budget, maybe a day trip to a spa? If you can get him in the door, there's no guy who won't appreciate a skilled bath rub and a soak in a nice hottub :)
10-24-2011, 06:08 PM
All of the above, lol.
My bf is wonderfully supportive, likes me with a little something extra ;), and wants me to be happy and healthy.
When I decided to change what I ate I sat down and explained to him that to me cake is like alcohol to an alcoholic. One bite is too much, but never enough and if I couldn't learn to control my cake demon then I could never touch cake again. The next day he went out and bought me fruit.
To people who find it easy to control their food cravings it's "just a candy bar".
10-25-2011, 10:27 AM
Funny you posted this. I started my diet today and let me tell you I love food! My husband is in the field and I was starving.. I was on the phone with him and I open up the cabinets and I see oreos.. He tells me to eat one for him..
Which I did. Fail for me.
Maybe he just isnt use to you eating healthy. Or maybe he thinks your changing and its hard for him?
10-25-2011, 10:42 AM
Maybe it is just hard to break the habit of buying you things. My hubby did this to me for awhile... until I sat down and had a real talk with him about it. I had to tell him it is OKAY for him to get something bad.. it doesn't bother me. WHat bothered me was him getting me the bad things too! He might be feeling bad that you can't eat it either.
My family looked at it that way in the beginning. I had to tell them not to feel bad.. that nothing would ever taste as good or make me feel like I did when I tried on a size 8 and it fit.