General chatter - Work/Love Dilemma...What should I do??

10-21-2011, 07:13 PM
Apologies in advance for this being so long...
So a while ago I had started a thread asking for advice on a situation with a guy. Basically I had very strong feelings for this guy sort of bordering on a weird obsession. The thing was, I had randomly worked with him something like 3 years ago (and we had both been very flirty, it didn't come totally out of the blue), and I've had him in my mind pretty much ever since. I think that in many ways I was clinging to a part of the past. I found out, about a year ago, that he had moved away and became a farmer. I was blown away, saddened, and I started thinking even more highly of him after I heard that. To be very honest, this guy is pretty much my ideal guy. I still couldn't stop thinking about him, and I felt like everywhere I went I got reminders that pointed to him. A little less than a year ago, we had become facebook friends, and he had commented on a weird thing I had posted as my status. I decided just to bite the bullet and as an offshoot of that post, I just told him that he was the one I couldn't stop thinking about/being reminded of. He responded, after a bit of time, (I won't go into particulars) that he didn't know I felt that way when we had worked together, and that I should find someone great. At this point in time I was still living where we had met (LA) and he had moved pretty much across the country.

Well, fast forward to a year later. I am what I think to be a much stronger person. I've done a lot of soul searching and I have grown a lot as a person. I realized that in many ways I was a wounded person, which I believe had resulted in my tendency to overeat, to obsess about past things, to cling to things I should not cling to. I feel, in short, very enlightened these days. I feel that I've made great inroads to a peaceful life, and these days I feel rather good about myself. I decided I didn't want to live in LA anymore, that I wanted to find some sort of more stable job (I currently freelance) in a city that I actually like living in (I am loving St. Louis!). I realized that I am a whole person, no matter what. I feel better about life these days than I have in a long time. Still, in the back of my heart, my feelings for this guy have never gone away; I've just learned to deal with the heartbreak, and moved on because I don't want to continue dwelling in the hurt.

So, I recently was offered a freelance costume design position with a theatre company....super close to the town he lives in now. It's just a temporary spot for now, but it's a great gig, and they have made it very clear to me that they are interested in hiring me as their resident designer (assuming everything goes well with this play). They are interested in someone who is willing to move to the area to work for them. Which to be honest, is wonderful! I've been wanting something stable, and I've been a costume designer for the last 6 years, so it would be amazing to actually be in one place, working for one company! And I know I would do very well there!

But let's be honest, the chances of running into this guy are pretty big, considering the size of the town, and especially if I'm living there. I guess I'm just afraid this guy will think that I was following him or something. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see him again, and my feelings for him have never really gone away, I've just learned to deal with the fact that I won't be with him. But I would hate to seem like some desperate puppy dog. This job offers so many things that I want and need, and if it was in almost any other city I would know the answer to this question already (YES!!). But it's in the city he's in. What do I do? Do I turn it down even though it's a great position? Do I take the job for my own happiness and just pretend like he doesn't exist? Help??

10-21-2011, 07:50 PM
Take the job. This is a wonderful opportunity for you. I wouldn't try and look him up, just do your wonderful new job and see what happens.

10-21-2011, 08:18 PM
I agree - it sounds like a great opportunity - grab it. Just try to put him out if your mind.

You were really brave telling him how you feel - unfortunately he didn't feel the same. But at least you went after what you wanted - and now this job is what you want - go for it.

And congratulations!

10-21-2011, 08:23 PM
Take the job. This is a wonderful opportunity for you. I wouldn't try and look him up, just do your wonderful new job and see what happens.

This!! If you look him up it will just make the old feelings come back up again...Is there a way to avoid running into him? the job sounds great though!

10-21-2011, 08:27 PM
Yeah, I most definitely would NOT be looking him up. Not about to walk into that crap again. I would think that I could avoid seeing him for the most part, but knowing how things go in my life, I'm sure I'd see him at some point. Or I could just be making too much out of it, which is entirely possible. I just don't want it to be weird....actually I think his new GF lives in Rochester as well :-/

10-21-2011, 08:41 PM
What state is Rochester in ?
Know this almost every woman alive has got a "The one that got away" story. We all survive it somehow, and this is true, too the memory of what might have been doesn't always work the way we hoped it would.
Cocentrate on your job and if you run into him just say "Hi, how are you ?" and let it drop right there.

10-21-2011, 09:50 PM
Take that job! Sounds like a dream come true. Forget that guy, if you do happen to run into him say hello and keep it moving.

10-21-2011, 09:51 PM
Yeah, I would say he's my "one that got away", although there was one before him that I thought would be that guy. But looking back now, it's this guy that I still have the feelings for, and the one before him is married off and I just don't feel it for that guy anymore (haha, confused yet??) So I guess this guy is that 'one' for me, although I said that about the guy before him too.
@ Bargoo- the Rochester I'm referring to is the one in NY, although I'm pretty sure that there are others in other states (pretty sure some of our 3FC members hail from other Rochesters around the US)

10-21-2011, 10:44 PM
Yep, I'm from Rochester, Mn
Good luck on whatever you decide to do.