i dont know where to start. i am obese and there is no hiding it. i have never been thin as a child my mother was depressed and so gave me whatever i wanted whenever i wanted to show me love. food is my only comfort it is my cure for bordom, the way i cheer myself up, and the way i feel love because honest to god im not worth anyones love. im such a let down. i re-read a letter my father gave me years ago talking about his hopes and dreams for me and about walking me down the aisle and giving him grand children and i just burst into tears cause i know that will never happen.
i am going to college at the moment but the bus drops me far from it the walk kills my knees and back and if i dont swallow my pride and say to a fellow class mate hey i need a lift to and from every day because im fat i will have to quit. i hate asking i hate putting people out of their way for me who am i to ask anything of anyone.
i just wanna quit i know i will never lose weight ive tried and tried and tried all of my life and it has never worked and i dont know why WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD. i just want to be normal
I know how you feel. This is a slow process. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It takes 21 days to make things become a habit. If you can eat healthy for 21 days you will make it a routine thing. If you job just 1 mile everyday, you'll notice it will get easier and easier...then you can run 2! I hope this time it'll work out for you,
And you are exactly right, it IS all about your relationship with food, and all the comfort you ( and me and heaps of us here) get from it.
There are lots of really wise heads here and I'm sure you'll get a lot of good advice and encouragement in the posts to follow.
My advice, just try changing one small thing. like don't eat between meals. Once you see you CAN set a goal and stick to it, you get a great feeling of success and value, and you can move on.
And we are ALL WORTH IT. There is only one you, and you are preciously unique.
There is a lot going on for you at the moment. It definitely sounds like you are overwhelmed. Weight loss is a tortuously long process if we focus on it everyday. You can definitely do this - I would echo other posters comments - focus on setting small, achievable goals and meeting them. Also, if you don't reach them, you didn't fail, the goal was too large so simply set a smaller one.
Also...you really don't know what will happen in the future. You may be walked down the aisle by your father, you may have kids. You may or may not still be obese when this happens. Plenty of people find love and have children when they are obese/overweight.
From what I know of college classes, there is also probably someone in your class that will be really willing for the social opportunity of giving you a lift. They are probably lonely and wanting to make more friends - this could be a perfect icebreaker. You would be doing a favour for them.
It sounds like your are really depressed right now, and I'm sorry you are going through so much pain. I have been in your shoes. Not that long ago I was super-morbidly-obese and it sucked. I would whine about how fat I was, and sorta make 1/2 attempts to lose some weight. Usually it involved scouring the Internet looking for some crazy miracle cure. I never tried, I just wished and thought about it, and planned to try. One day I decided to try. I mean, try as in actually try. The weight flew off and here I am, now normal. Sadly the food demons are still in my head. I still have to try every single day to maintain my 190 pound weight loss, it is work. It is certianly more work than most people are willing to do.
If you want it, it is yours. Like my Daddy used to say, either $hit, or get off the pot!
You CAN do this. If you actually really TRY it will happen.
I actually had a similar experience to Lori. I wasn't obese, but I thought weight loss was impossible because of my disability (can't exercise, possibly messed-up metabolism, difficulty remembering when I last ate, ravenously hungry all the time, putting on weight even when I wasn't getting enough meals etc.). One day, as she put it, I stopped whining and actually tried. I didn't even buy a scale for the first month, despite staying on plan beautifully, because I didn't know if it would work. But it did, and I've been losing steadily at the same rate for the last six months. The thing that got me started was when I was put on a med which happened to make me lose my appetite, and I realised that it was actually possible. I didn't stay on that med, it's not one I do well on, but the ravenous appetite stayed away once I was eating the right sized meals at the right times.
Different people have different triggers in terms of what makes them get started for real, of course. You've joined this forum, which is an excellent start. The book Thin for Life is hugely recommended here, and having snooped through the Google Books preview (you can read something like the first 80 pages on that) and the series of threads on the book in the Maintainers' forum, I've just ordered my own copy too. The book was made after researching people who lose weight and keep it off for several years at a minimum, and looks into what makes them successful. It doesn't promote any particular diet, it's not that sort of book, so you can follow it using a variety of weight loss plans. The thing that really stuck with me was when they talk about how people who've tried to lose weight multiple times feel like failures. Actually, they're not failures. They have acquired a fantastic amount of data on what does and what does not work for them, and they can use that to make this last diet the successful one.
Big hugs to you, it sounds like you're feeling really sad and frustrated at the moment.
But first of all, let's challenge your beliefs. That you're unworthy - not true. You are a unique and infinitely powerful creation - you CAN do anything you decide to do. So decide to do different since this path is not making you happy.
That you won't have children and get married - not true. I myself had 3 children while obese (around 250 pounds starting weight) with absolutely no problems conceiving and no complications. And I met my husband when I was 240 pounds and have never been thin. He doesn't care - he fell in love with me, not my size. There are plenty of men like that - but you have to be in the right place yourself to be open to accepting and meeting them.
That you need to ask for help for getting to and from class: not true. You're a young person, yes, heavy, but young and strong. Look at your walk as your daily exercise, part of being on plan for you. If you do it daily, and commit to counting your calories and changing your relationship with food, you will see your walk get easier every week. Before long, it won't hurt anything to walk. And you won't do damage to your joints in the small amount of time (2 months?) before you are light enough that you're not hurting your legs and back. Just do it! Take an analgesic beforehand if you have to, it's worth it.
And last of all, stay here. Check in every day, log your calories and commit to the process. You aren't alone - there's a huge community of people doing the same thing, and everyone is on your side and looking forward to sharing your successes with you.
I have to agree that it sounds like you're dealing with depression right now. I would definitely look into getting some sort of help for that. When I was at my highest weight, I just was not happy. It wasn't until I got to a better places mentally that I really started to lose. My DH was the same too. Especially with a family history there it's really something to look into.
As to your other problems. Look, I've been there too. I've been at the point where I thought it was pointless that I couldn't stick to a diet or nothing worked. What I did was really, honestly looked at my life. At my fitness levels and what I put into my mouth and found what my weaknesses were. First, I added in exercise. Then I looked at my weaknesses and for me it's always been sweets so I cut them out cold turkey. At the beginning I didn't do ANYTHING else, no calorie counting, i still ate the same way but just minus sugar/artificial sweeteners. Eventually I kept making small changes over time that have gotten me to where I am today.
DH has also lost a lot of weight. His issue was portion sizes so he started calorie counting and has seen consistent weight loss from that.
You have to find what works for you. What have you tried in the past? What make you give up before? What foods do you overeat? What obstacles are in you way when it comes to exercise. I can't offer one diet plan that will work for you because I don't know you. BUT I can say that a good place to start is looking at your life and thinking about small things you CAN change that will improve your health and fitness.
ETA: Also I agree with everything said about. It's 100% true that you can still get married and have children. I met DH at my highest prepregnancy weight, so many women on here have met their husbands at higher weights. Also even if you do have infertility problems (and honestly there are many women out there who have kids when they are obese), you might end up following in love with a guy who has kids already or you might find that adoption is a good option for you. You might even decide that you are happy with your life without kids. As long as you're still alive you still have options and it comes down to your choices NOW. Anyways, what you CAN do right now is work on your health to avoid these problems but also don't shut yourself off from future relationships.
Last edited by runningfromfat; 10-17-2011 at 09:31 AM.
You are obviously someone special- going to college alone is something to be hugely proud of! Good for you! BUT DON'T QUIT!! If you're feeling so sad now, can you imagine how you would feel if you let your weight keep you from getting an education? You can do this!! Maybe there are other solutions to make your walk easier (but, in any case, it's free exercise! You're already making changes that are good for you without even trying!). For example: is part of the problem that you have to carry a bunch of heavy books? If so, try getting a rolling backpack so you don't have to carry them on your shoulders. If nothing else, can you take an earlier bus and schedule a break somewhere halfway through your walk so that your knees don't hurt so much by the time you get there? I would encourage you that the more you walk, the stronger your knees will get and the less it will hurt as you get more in shape. This is a hard row to hoe and you are going to be uncomfortable at times- that said, you should not be in agony. You can do this!
I agree, I have always been heavy and have had a very active dating life-moreso than my skinny friends- and I have dated some real cuties! I'm married now (actually, I've been married twice). There is hope- it's not just the size 0's who find a man! Good guys come looking for all shapes and sizes (and personalities) of ladies. One of my friends is 6 feet tall and close to 375 lbs. She just got engaged and is getting married next year to the love of her life.
You are too hard on yourself! I know I am not super model material as far as physical aspects are concerned, but if they based super models on personality I would be top notch! Well, at least that's my opinion of me, haha.
Looks do not make a person worthy of anything, it's their zest for life and their willingness to help out fellow humans. Would you like anyone any less because of their size? I would hope not. There are some shallow insecure people out there who base everything on physical appearance, but they are not worth knowing.
It sounds like you need to see someone to help you work through your feelings. My suggestion is to talk to the school and see if they offer any counseling. They might be able to help you sort through this!
thank u all so much for the support. i was at the doctor and he gave me xenical to give me a little boost and he also said i have SAD which explains a lot so i am going to buy on of those little lamp things and see how it goes.
as for the walking it far too much of a walk for me at this time i am simple unable so for now i am going to swallow my pride and ask for a lift until i am better able.
im such a let down. i re-read a letter my father gave me years ago talking about his hopes and dreams for me and about walking me down the aisle and giving him grand children and i just burst into tears cause i know that will never happen.
How do you know that? You still have lots of time. You didn't say how old you are, but if your in college I'm guessing your not past menopause!
I really need to vent
