20-Somethings - Help - How do you handle having a social life?!

Hey Everyone,

So I've recently decided to try and lose 20lbs, I've lost weight in the past but I've gained some of it back in the past few years.

I find that during the week I am fine and can stick to 1200-1500 calories, but then the weekend comes and I totally blow it. My boyfriend and I have a pretty active social life which consists of A LOT of eating out and drinking. For example this weekend:

- 2 trips to the bar with wings and fries
- "Food Stalk" a charity fundraiser with Canada's top 100 chefs
- BBQ

I can't seem to lose even though I really watch my portions and limit myself to two drinks. My friends even take it pretty easy, one is a dietitian! I remember when I lost weight before I cut out alcohol and anything non-healthy and to be honest by friendships suffered.

Anyways..advice would be appreciated :)

Thanks!
Lisa

Why do you have to eat when you go out, even if you go out to restaurants? I have accepted that sometimes I am going to be that weirdo who isn't eating anything. All my friends know about my weight-loss efforts so they don't even ask usually. I'm boycotting spending money at all restaurants that lack calculated nutrition information (I always request it from the servers) and very carefully plan ahead when I do decide to work a restaurant meal into my day. I think my body is more important that complying with every social norm and I don't find that my social life has been impacted at all.

What ERHR said.

Or find friends who like to do things besides eat and drink.

I eat as little as humanly possible on days I know I'll be going out with people in the evening. A couple fries here, a couple wings there, a couple drinks followed by lots of diet Cokes...it's not ideal for health but you don't ever HAVE to go totally insane.

Yeah, this is exactly why I like Intuitive Eating. I can have that stuff, but I have to be really really aware of my hunger level. It actually takes a lot less for me to feel satisfied that I used to realize. Enjoy it, just don't feel like you need to shovel it in, because it will always be there. Think about it. That same exact place probably isn't going anyplace soon, and if what you crave is wings and fries, you can always find them somewhere. Or start alternating-one week you get the wings, one week you get the fries. I personally think it's not worth it not to be able to have what you like, and I think really ignoring what you want to have leads to a swing in the opposite direction (like a pendulum that swing back the other way but with much more force!). I've learned to deal with extra eating by not depriving, just moderating. :-)

How can cutting out alcohol make your friendships suffer? I don't drink and I have lots of friends who do. They don't really care.

I'm always the DD or the one who makes sure everyone makes it back to their room. That way nobody who really wants to/likes to drink will miss out on the fun. They seem to really enjoy this arrangement :O

Otherwise I'd say get pretty strict with exactly how much you're eating. Eat only small portions, put the other part of your meal away and out of sight. Track EVERYTHING you're eating/drinking. You might be consuming more than you think.

I eat pretty badly on the weekends sometimes, but I stay within my calories and I've been able to enjoy myself and still lose weight :)

I eat gluten free and kosher. That means I'm extremely limited to what I can eat out so I don't do it much. I also don't drink (I don't like alcohol and I can't afford the extra calories and carbs). I can go out with friends and pick one small item to eat (like a baked potato) and not drink. They really don't care. If your friends only want to be with your when you're drinking then I'd say there is a problem.

I'm not sure how your friendship can suffer because of what you eat/do not eat or drink/do not drink. *shrug* Anyway....I do the weight watchers plan and lost 1.2 pounds this week with eating out 3 times in the last 4 days (all you can eat shrimp at red lobster, all you can eat chinese buffet, and bbq, beans, patato salad, cake and ice cream). I eat whatever I want, just smaller portions and save the points so I can have whatever I want when I go out. My husband wants to go to Olive Garden one night this week...So I know I'll have a small low point breakfast and lunch so that I can have whatever I want when we go.

I had friends once that kept getting irritated at me when I'd go out and refuse to drink ... I dumped them :)

I can relate to this in a way. Once I went vegetarian, all my friends stopped inviting me out to eat and hang out. Even though they went to places that I could have just hung out or ordered something else. I think a really good friend would be able to understand that you are on a different diet. Eat something light before you go out like a soup and don't overdo it at the restaurant is probably the best advice.

I know how this goes. A big part of my social life is eating and drinking. I've never had issues staying on track when it's just me and I'm super busy and/or miserable, but I find it really challenging to combine weight loss with with an active social life.

I do try to cut back on dining out, especially going to eat at other people's houses where I'll feel awkward being picky about food or not eating. I try to balance this by haveing my friends over for dinner more, where I can prepare the food and make things that are on plan. When I dine out I try to pick restaurants where I know I'll be able to get something healthy, and if I know I'll be drinking, especially beer, I'll try to eat lighter for the rest of the day or get in some extra exercise.

It can be really hard, and I do feel like when I'm more serious about my diet I miss out on a lot of fun, but everything in moderation. Good luck!

You can still go out to bars and restaurants and order the healthy option. Just educate yourself on what is good for you and be specific about the order. Ask for any dressings or sauces that come with meals to be on the side, ask it to have less cheese (or in my case no cheese - hate the stuff!), ask how they prepare certain foods and see if they can cook it differently - generally get a bit picky! As for drinks, just stop drinking! Drink water, juice or soda. You can still have a good time! If you need to rely on alcohol to have a good time, then you need to learn to live without it - I've heard it been referred to as liquid fat plenty of times!

Thanks for the tips, it's not that my friends will not hangout with me if I don't drink.
It's just tricky to maintain an active part of the group when so much of our weekend revolves
around dinner parties, pubs and Sunday brunch. I guess food is just a big part of the culture in the city I live in.

I think I'll just try to be much more aware of calories and save enough for something small when we go out. Or not eat and have dinner before I go...and drink a lot of soda water :)

At the end of the day it's a choice I guess - lose weight or eat and drink with them.

At the end of the day it's a choice I guess - lose weight or eat and drink with them.

i hope that you can find a middle ground, like you were saying, eat a little bit or drink a little bit but still have fun.

like
6 chicken wings (bad)
but
1(with skin) or 2(without skin)-- not too bad

or
pint of beer (bad)
but
vodka with soda and lime-- not too bad at around 70 calories

same buzz

Having supportive friends really helps. My friends understands when I only drink water. Also when I eat out, I either only order soup or appetizer. When I order an entree, I get a to go box and put half in it right away.

Lisa, I know exactly what you mean about friendships suffering, my social circle pretty much consists of the same - pubs, dinners out... It is not as if I have bad friends, they just like to do certain activites that could be hard on a diet so opting out of those activites for the diet to prevail can sometimes mean not hanging out as often, which can lead to bonds not being so tight. Totally get it.
I think I'll just try to be much more aware of calories and save enough for something small when we go out. Or not eat and have dinner before I go...and drink a lot of soda water
I think that is a great plan! One I may start using as well. :)

At the end of the day it's a choice I guess - lose weight or eat and drink with them.
Unfortunately, it sometimes boils down to that.

I, too, hope you can find some middle ground.
Hoping that for myself as well.

WOW, amazing how many people feel the need to be catty or higher-than-thou when answering a poster's innocent question of how to keep a social life while continuing to lose weight. and this is in the 20-somethings forum... you would think people would be more understanding!! rawrr!

Anyways, Lisa, I have the exact same problem as you. I am a saint during the week, but I (and my boyfriend and my friends) definitely enjoy celebrating the weekends, which includes eating out, drinking, and being 20-somethings. I live in a pretty young and fun town, and I LIKE to go out, drink, and eat with friends - I will not magically become a person who doesn't enjoy that, or sits at a table nursing a water... not worth it to me. I'm not at all ashamed of that, but I do agree when attempting to lose weight somethings gotta give, of course.

My bf and I for money's sake have agreed to cut out eating out (ie solely going out to eat a meal) unless it is a special occasion. We will probably save about $100/month. My personal goal is to hopefully eat a little something before social get-togethers, like happy hour, so I can pick at one small appetizer and have a few drinks without going overboard. It is definitely a delicate balance between maintaining an active and fun social life, and losing weight. I also made a pledge to work out every day before I know I am going out to do "semi-bad" stuff, such as meeting friends for drinks. Sometimes I am racing to the gym to get in 35 mins of cardio before happy hour but I have so far always managed to do it!

I think you can definitely maintain a social life doing the things that YOU enjoy and continue to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. It definitely takes a bit of tweaking, sacrificing, and balancing, but so far I have continued to lose weight (or at least not gain on the weekends) while continuing to keep my friends, boyfriend and lifestyle. Good luck! :dizzy:

I don't think anyone was being catty. We all have different social circles and standards that are accepted (for lack of a better word) within those circles. Some folks will not be able to relate to OP's issue because their circles operate differently. It's not right or wrong, just different.

I struggled with this, too. I literally stopped drinking/going out and honestly, I was kind of a bump-on-a-log for a bit while I figured out how to navigate this. I didn't really miss it all that much because I was pre-occupied. I do believe in educating yourself on all the options available to you so that you can make as good of a decision as possible, should you decide to imbibe. For example, a few vodka sodas- not so bad. 5 margs that range from 300-600 calories a piece? Bad.

Food is somewhat trickier. One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I didn't trust myself to make good decisions food-wise after I'd had a few. I found making food decisions before I'd ordered my drink to very helpful. If the decision is already made, then I was less likely to veer off course.

But honestly, while I have always had a very active social life, my health became the most important thing and I did decide to step away from that part of it while I figured things out. I found that my friends understood once I expained it and of course, I did re-appear :) After I felt comfortable being out and about again they were also very understanding about my new choices (honestly, I just don't think they were paying much attention to what I was drinking).

What ERHR said.

Or find friends who like to do things besides eat and drink.

I think this is impractical. I too love to eat and drink. I've managed to lose while still going out with my boyfriend and friends regularly. Some tips:

1. Club soda and (insert liquor). Or diet drinks, obv. I don't like soda really, but club soda I can do. If I don't want that, I choose dry wine instead of beer.

2. Save calories. Simple... plan ahead. Know when you're going out, calculate realistically how much you'll eat/drink, and eat light for the day to compensate. Not gonna lie, there are days I'm practically starved by the time I get to the restaurant for dinner. I realize this isn't exactly healthy, but it works to keep me on track.

3. Have 1 cheat day a week, and make it a day when you're going out, since that's something you like to do. Have a cap for the cheat, though. I eat around 1400 cal/day; and my "cheat" day is a max of 2000.

4. You do have to change your restaurant eating habits, unless you're already making good choices. I always used to get sandwiches and fries, I felt like that's what I HAD to have. Now, I can get a (reasonable) salad and still enjoy it just as much.

5. Work out extra on days you're going out. I'll run/walk an extra couple of miles if I can, then I'm able to up my calories by 100-200 for the day and it basically offsets itself.

I definitely understand your predicament! I'm very social and kind of a foodie, I absolutely could not give up eating and drinking. But, I've lost 7 lbs in 2 months and I still go out 2 or 3 times a week for dinner & drinks. It can be done! (I also work out 5+ days a week, though.)

Its going to happen; events happen; people get together. First off, the fact that you're doing well during the week is a great thing. You can allow yourself some leeway during the weekend.

What I would do is find a low calorie drink. That you limit to 2 isn't sufficient depending on what you're drinking. You can order seltzer for that matter, with a twist of lemon or lime and a littler stirrer straw and no one would know you were not drinking. You could also order a white wine spritzer, or a white wine straight up along with a setzer and drink them side by side. That would go a long way to removing and limiting some calories.

As to the eats, that's really up to you. Certainly there are best choices to be made, better than chicken wings and french fries. If you want to be social, you've got to make it happen in a way that you're 80% on your program, and forgive yourself the rest. Good luck.

Thanks for the support, it's nice to hear some people find themselves in the same position.

Greats tips too :) And yeah...friends are like families, everyone is different and non of them function the same way. It's natural some people might not understand this predicament.

I think this is impractical. I too love to eat and drink. I've managed to lose while still going out with my boyfriend and friends regularly.

You don't think that planning (which is what ERHR and pretty much everybody else - including you - has said to do) is practical?

You don't think that finding people who like to play sports, take in nature, play music, go to concerts, just chat, or engage in other social activities that don't always involve food is practical? I'd be willing to bet that there are a few people in Toronto who ride their bicycles for fun.

My point was that the OP either needs to change her habits or expand her circle of friends to include people who don't pressure her to consume calories she doesn't want to if she doesn't want her social life to have a negative impact on her weight.

Go to any bar, club or restaurant and you'll see lots of thin/fit people having fun. They can do it --> it's possible!

Go to any bar, club or restaurant and you'll see lots of thin/fit people having fun. They can do it --> it's possible!

Haha this! This is why I haven't cut out "junk" food. Thin folks can do it, why can't I? :dizzy:

I've been navigating this issue too! It's not happening overnight, but I've done two things.
1. Find alternate activities at places like meetup.com (which has group activities with everything from hikes to spa nights to film screenings). It's a good way to expand your circle of friends to people who like to do things outside of restaurants/eating/drinking
2. Accept that dining out is a part of life and make small changes -- like really do order the one lo-cal thing on the menu, order seltzer, or alternate water with alcoholic drinks.

I don't get it right every time -- last night I got it very wrong! But gradually it's becoming a lifestyle change.

Well, to be honest, I'm not a very social person. But when I go out to eat with friends I either split a meal with someone, or eat something light beforehand and then get something I know is safe to eat. That way I don't look weird (or anorexic, which everyone jumps to when you don't eat...) when I go out with friends. And if your friends try to encourage you to eat more ("come on, have some fun!" is one I hear a lot, or "it won't kill you") just say your stomach is queasy and you don't feel like eating at the moment. :P

One thing to remember is why alcohol is such a hinderance to weight loss. It's not just the extra calories! I've asked similar questions myself, but it took me a while to actually find some real information on the subject.

When you have alcohol in your system, that becomes your body's focus. Your body will work on burning alcohol as energy first, to get rid of it. Your body sees it as toxic, after all. What that means for weight loss is that what you've just digested can wind up on the back burner, and it is more likely to be stored as fat. Even if you haven't eaten, your body will be burning the alcohol as energy first, instead of the stored fat/weight you want to lose.

Now, knowing that and giving up drinks with friends on the weekend are two different stories for me too, but it helps to understand how it works.

I completely get what you're saying, Lisa.

I've found that if I eat before I go out it really helps. I don't think I could ever be the person sitting at the restaurant not eating, but I'll have a salad and some fruit before I go out, and then at the restaurant I'll order a small appetizer. It's a healthy balance. Also, on days that I know I'm going out, I'll work out (or at least walk around) an extra 30 minutes.

I've also learned to curb myself at 1-2 drinks. I'll have a light beer (or a non-light beer, but only have 1) because I find its easier to "sip" and not drink the whole thing quickly, so I have something to hold on to. My friends won't "dump me" if I don't drink (and I understand what you're saying, it's just socialization involves going out most of the time).

Plus, I actually ENJOY going out and being social at parties/bars/etc. Sometimes I do go home earlier than others, to prevent myself from over doing it, but I don't think I've missed out on anything major (other than a lot of hangovers).

Also, I second what Jay said - maybe take the skin off of the wings, and order the sauce on the side ?

You can do it without totally depriving yourself or starving yourself the day you go out.