100 lb. Club - I am so mad at myself

View Full Version : I am so mad at myself

02-04-2003, 12:03 AM
I don't know why I have been having a hard time lately staying OP or even having the motivation to keep plugging away at this. I lost the first 40lbs in a little over 3 months. It took me another 3 months to lose 20 more lbs. And it's better to lose slowly, but man I am so impatient. I want results now! lol But now I am starting to get scared that I won't lose anymore and I don't want anyone I know to point a finger at me and say "ha! I knew she couldn't do it!"

I don't think that the plan I am on now is going to work much longer. I have been doing a protein shake for breakfast and lunch, morning and afternoon snacks, and a healthy supper. For the first 6 months it was fine, but now I find that I am dizzy when I stand up, I have headaches almost all the time. It's time to change what I am doing, but I don't know what to do. :( I have this (false) concept in my head that if I am not hungry that I'm not losing weight. I know this is wrong, but I suppose I grew up thinking this.

Another struggle that I have is my eating disorder (bulimia). I am doing my best to eat healthy and not give in to my ED, as hard as it is every single day. Up until a few months ago, I couldn't even bring myself to admit that I had a problem, and even now, it's a constant struggle. I need to find something that works and doesn't trigger the mental cravings I have for food (I swear I think of food 24/7).

I honestly feel like I am at a loss. :(

02-04-2003, 12:41 AM
aww, raelynn, we're here for you. chat me up anytime you need to.

i got frustrated today too. i did a workout tape that's still too hard for me and it upset me that i couldn't do everything. and that i'm not as flexable as they are in the video. and then i caught a glimpse of myself in spandex in the window.... i just felt HUGE.

i used to do slim fast, with a sensible dinner. and i switched off of that to counting calories. cuz if you're not eating enough, you're going to keep getting dizzy. mayeb it's time you made that switch. =)


02-04-2003, 02:08 AM
Originally posted by Raelynn
I don't want anyone I know to point a finger at me and say "ha! I knew she couldn't do it!"

Anyone who would do that to you deserves an a$$ kicking. No one has the right to judge you.

As for your eating, maybe switch the shakes around? Eat a real (hearty) breakfast, throw some fruit & veg snacks in there, and have the shakes for lunch & dinner?

02-04-2003, 07:03 AM
Hi Raelynn,

I"m really concerned you're still getting dizzy. Think maybe you should see a doctor or nutritionist for help? You've done so well-the weight isn't going to keep coming off as quickly as it did in the beginning. Forty pounds in three months is absolutely amazing.

Try to find a plan you can stick with realistically for long term. A nutritionist should be able to help. Do you want to live on shakes much longer? I admire you for sticking to it-I could never do that -I want to CHEW food!


02-04-2003, 02:03 PM
((Hugs)) to you. Sherry is right. It's time to call in the pros ... dizziness and a stalled weight loss require help and it's tough to overcome an ED by yourself. I urge you to see a doctor soon. Please do it you owe it to yourself. You DESERVE to be healthy and you need to take the steps necessary to get there.

I wish you the best.

02-04-2003, 02:49 PM
I have the same problem with getting dizzy, it mostly occurs when I'm exercising. Are you taking vitamins? Should check with your doctor.

02-04-2003, 02:55 PM
I had the same thought about your dizziness - find someone who can help you develop a plan with enough calories and balance to get you the nurtition you need.

I'm having a hard time sticking to my plan as well and really feel for what you're going through.

One thing that I would caution you, based on my own tendencies is not to allow yourself to slide to overeating while you're trying to find your next plan. I have gained most of my weight from these in-between plan times. And everytime I start over I feel a little less confident about my ability to do it this time.

You can do it! I know you can!


Goddess Jessica
02-04-2003, 03:38 PM
It made me laugh when you said, "I have this (false) concept in my head that if I am not hungry that I'm not losing weight." because I'm the same way (and I thought I was the only one!).

I could tell you a bunch of rational things about why you weight loss has slowed down but you've told yourself the same things a million times so it won't help.

The first thing you've realized is that it's time for a diet change. You've done your first 40 and now you have a little bit of breathing room to find a plan that's going to work for you long term. Hopefully, you've gained some knowledge about yourself these last few months so you know what does and doesn't work for you so, it's time to use that! Check out some books on balanced nutrition (I recommend the Great Dr. Andrew Weil for a nice background on nutrition and good food) and come up with the Raelynn Diet Plan.

The most important thing is to have a positive attitude about this. I'm like you and I expect to reflect INSTANTLY how I am working so very hard. It's time to find a different way of measuring sucess. My suggestion is to figure out what makes you FEEL great. Are you a whole foods or a macrobiotic kind of girl? Will you be SuperNutrition Woman? It's time to tune into your body and not the weight loss. I firmly believe that if you do that, the weight will come off AND you will feel good. I mean, what's the point of being skinney if you pass out? :)

02-04-2003, 04:09 PM
i feel ya both. sometimes, that little rumble in my tummy makes me happy. i felt (when i was not eating well) that i NEVER got hungry. that i just ate and ate and ate and i'd forgotten what it felt like to be hungry. so i welcomed that rumble.

now i know that if it comes, i best do something (a healthy something) about it

02-04-2003, 05:58 PM
Raelynn I am concerned about your current diet, while it may of been O.k to just get that weight off I really think having two out of three meals a day liquid is not good for you or for any eating disorder you have. You have to learn how to control yourself around food and to eat "real food" . I am certian this is a major reason for your dizzyness. How many calories has one of these shakes? I'll bet you anything you could exhange one of them a day for a hearty meal full of vitimans, a vegetable soup prehaps? It's not so bad having one shake a day but I think two is too much fake food, you need real food and you will find you won't be as hungry and I do find changing plans really helps with weight loss. Your body seems to adapt to a diet and slow down, you have to keep tricking it into losing weight. You are one of the most successful ppl here and a source of inspiration to me and others. I just know you can make your goal and make it in healthy fashion, :grouphug:


02-04-2003, 06:16 PM
Thank you ladies so much for responding, I was really upset last night when I posted.

The shakes I have been doing are called Metapro, 1 shake has about 108 calories in it. And I agree, it's probably time for a change. And I do miss eating real meals, I'm always scared that if I start eating that I won't be able to stop. I so much want to set a good example for my daughter by eating properly and exercising. And it's going to be a struggle because she goes to her dad's house every second weekend, and her dad and his wife feed her nothing but candy, McDonald's and chocolate milk (I've had it out with him, but he doesn't care -- and it'll be a struggle to keep the good eating habits instilled in her -- her dad is around 220 lbs and his wife is probably close to 300 -- because they literally live on fast food and snack food). But her dad is a whole other story that just ticks me right off most of the time.

I want to start eating good, 3 meals a day. This morning I had 1 cup of Miniwheats with 3/4 c of 1% milk. For snack I had about 20 baby carrots. For lunch I had a small salad with 1/4 c of diced fatfree ham and 3tbsp of lowfat/lowcal Italian dressing. For my afternoon snack I had an apple, and I'll probably have 2 rice cakes on the drive home. For supper I am going to make the salsa chicken recipe that I saw posted here, along with salad, veggies and maybe rice made with chicken broth. That is how I would ideally like to eat, how does this sound? Should I add anything or take away anything?

And thank you all for the encouragement, it means alot to know that I have inspired some of you :) I will succeed. (((hugs back)))

Goddess Jessica
02-04-2003, 07:08 PM
I'm coming over to your house for dinner!

02-04-2003, 07:39 PM
Sounds spot on Raelynn, if in doubt check cals, for your current weight anything between 1600 - 2000 per day with half hour of exersize and you should lose a pound or so a week. Just remember you've gone 6 months without binging, getting stuck into the bad foods ect. Just because your eating real food now doesn't mean you will slip back into old habbits. They are history!
http://www.cooks.com/rec/diet/ is a free site which will quickly give you a diet report on how many cals you need and vitimins ect. It;s all kinda technical but gives you a BMI and lets you know exactly how many cals you can have and still lose 1lb a week, also they have a ton of reciepes there that may be helpful, it's a cooking site not a diet site but the diet report is interesting.
Keep up the good work and let us know how you go,


How old is your daughter? Sounds really bad the examples being given to her. They should be more responsible. At least around you she can learn there is a healthy alternate to junk food.

02-04-2003, 10:31 PM
LOL Jessica :lol: Supper tonight was great, I posted the recipe for the chicken in the recipe thread here.

Kitty - my daughter is 2.5. I know they should be more responsible, but the way I look at it is that they are parents 4 days a month. I have the rest of the month to continuously undo the damage they are doing. It doesn't matter what I want, in terms of how my daughter is raised (ie. I am against potty training with pullups...but she always comes home in a pullup that is soaked because she has been wearing it for 6 hours), they do what they want anyhow. They even got a dog, knowing that my daughter is allergic. :mad:

I have had a good day today so far. I've stayed with my new plan, and so far so good. Thanks for the link. :)

02-05-2003, 01:38 AM
Jessica is 100% right. Time to re-evaluate.

Sounds like you had a great day. I'd add more protein in the morning, or I'd eat my arm off by 11am, but that's just me.

02-05-2003, 10:21 AM
Good for you raelynn! sounds like you are on the right path.

Kids can be good for your diet - we want the best for our kids - give them good healthy eating habits. I would go insane if anyone tried to raise my daughter - for even 4 days. You are a much better person then I am. My ex would be dead my now.

Speaking of fast food.. here is a funny:
There is a taco bell within a 10 minute walk from where I live. As a treat that would be our fast food rest. (a soft chicken taco is 4 points :) ) While we were away on vacation to Canada it closed up! We didn't eat there that often :lol: It's probably for the best they are gone - not for the people that worked there, but for our waistlines.