ARRGGGHHHH! After having my mom bugging me about weight, I just saw her today. I've lost seventeen pounds since the last time I saw her. Does she notice or say anything? Nope! Nothing-either the weight loss is not noticeable (which I'm beginning to think is the case because NOBODY is noticing, which frustrates me to no end)
So what do I do after she leaves? I eat, of course :( It wasn't too bad-some low fat granola and skim milk. I did actually measure out the portion (how pathetic does 2/3 a cup of cereal look like). But then I went to the store and bought low fat yogurt-Ben and Jerry's half baked, which is a combination of two of their lowfat yogurts-chocolate chip cookie dough and brownie) I haven't eaten any yet, but I just know that after my son goes to bed and my husband leaves for work, I'm going to. I guess it's better than buying chocolate chip cookie dough to make cookies, which would be more fattening.
Why does seeing her doing this to me? Why do I still look for approval from her? Why do I care if no one is noticing my weight loss?
02-02-2003, 08:43 PM
It how you feel! I understand the whole parental approval thing. I could go on and on about how I have never been good enough, smart enough, wonderful enough. But I have gotten to the point where this time, this diet, I am doing it for me. I feel good, I am losing so slow hardly anyone notices. But I am toned. Went from a size 24 to a 20 and some 18/16 are fitting too. This is for you Sherry you got to believe it!
02-02-2003, 08:53 PM
All Mother's seem to have this curse on us. I think you handled it pretty well.
Unfortuntely, when you have a lot of weight to lose you have to lose even more for people to notice. It does suck. People will notice soon - hang on :)
When I was back home 2 weeks ago I was shopping with my Mother. I was buying some Canadian maple cookies to bring back for a friend. My mother said "you better buy 2 boxes because I know you will eat that one on the way home" What a bit#h! Wasn't that rude? I only got the one box - didn't eat them. In fact when I gave them to my friend she was kind to offer me one when she opened them and I said "no thanks"
I am not sure how close you are to your Mom, Sherry, (I am not too close- but I am very close with my Dad) - but as I get older and have my own family I have decided to surround myself with people that are good for me mentally. Not that I'm not going to have a relationship with my Mother - but I do limit it. I have to put my mental health first :)
Save the low fat yogurt - eat it when you can really enjoy it - not because you are upset at your mom.
I hope you feel better soon!
02-02-2003, 10:21 PM
Oh, the relationships that sabotage us! I can relate to what's going on with Moms though. It's tough. But you have to remember, your not gonna feel better after you indulge. Just worse.
On the other hand..the weightloss (congrats!!!) The first 20 lbs aren't that noticable to others when we have alot to lose. But now understand this....the next 0 or so lbs...EVERYONE will notice. Believe me. In just one day those compliments are going to be a bit overwhelming. Be patient my friend. It will start. And as far as Mom goes....we can't change her or even make her understand. Just gotta show her. But more importantly you have to show yourself. And you will.
02-02-2003, 10:22 PM
oh sherry.... i sooo understand. dana is right on: surround yourself with supportive people. my mom and i talk about almost nothing. i can't have her involved in my life in any meaningful way. she tries, but she is so, oh never mind.
but whatever happens, don't let her drive you to eat!!! that only hurts YOU and fuels her whatever. enjoy your low fat yogurt when you're not eating it out of emotional need.
make yourself some herb tea and sip it quietly, while doing something you enjoy [nice music? a hobby?] or even reciting affirmations.
02-03-2003, 09:23 AM
I'm with Dana on limiting time with destructive mothers - I'm lucky that my mom is not so terrible. If she lived close to me she might drive me nuts, I don't know! I've lived at least 4 hours away from her for about 20 years now! I have a couple of friends, though, who rag on their moms constantly, but then they spend all kinds of time with them and allow them to run things and lord influence over them. I just don't understand why they don't just stay away from their moms more of the time -- maybe there's a self-confidence issue there, an inability to sever the cord ...
As for people noticeing, they will ... it will surprise you. I saw a friend from out of town during the holidays and she didn't notice at all ... then I saw her again this weekend, and I haven't been doing so great this month -- and she said Wow, you're really losing weight! Go figure ...
02-03-2003, 10:05 AM
i am so sorry you are not getting support from your role model for unhealthy eating. yes, you read me right. they did this survey a few years ago that if you need to lose weight, the person you can look at and thank is your mother!!! fat cells that often get bigger and bigger as we get older and our metabolism slows down are often created in childhood!!! so next time dear ole mom does not notice your weight loss or mentions your weight, remind her that some of this may very well be her fault and that she can be part of the solution aka supportive or part of the problem aka lowering your self esteem where you do not want to lose the weight.
by all means, be respectful and polite but do stand up for yourself. you are a beautiful woman with a weight problem - that does not give anyone and i do mean ANYONE license to say word one about your weight other than to be supportive!!!!
02-03-2003, 01:04 PM
Aaaah, well, mothers! My mother is 82 with pulmonary fibrosis, on oxygen 24X7, and going downhill, absolutely not able to live on her own, so has lived with me a some years. How would you like to have to cook for and eat every meal with your mother? Mine's favorite comment to me is "there's still some (fill in the blank) left on the stove, you can eat it", which I always hear as "Jerie will eat it, she'll eat anything". She was always overweight until she got sick, but now she's too thin. She and I always tried to lose weight together, and used to go to WW and celebrate weight losses by stopping at the DQ on the way home from meetings. How insane was that? I don't blame her for my weight, I know I am responsible for that. But I do blame her for letting me know each and every day that she thinks I can't do anything right. But you gotta just keep on keepin' on, and do what you can for yourself.
02-03-2003, 03:26 PM
I have always felt like my mom wants me to fail at my weightloss. Which is so funny, because she traumatised me when I ws younger by telling me that I would be so fat by the time I was 25 that I would be in a wheelchair and that I'd be dead by the time I was 30.
Now that I've lost all this weight, I still feel like she wants me to fail, only because now she is overweight also (she is 5'10, bigboned and about 195 lbs) and she can't seem to lose the weight. I think that she is jealous that I am seeing awesome results and she can't seem to lose a pound. All this though makes me want to work that much harder to win this battle. :)
02-03-2003, 08:01 PM
Sherry, you and I can cry in our B&J together. I've lost almost 20 lbs and not a SOUL notices.... unless I'm eating and then someone in the office will pat me on the back like a puppy and make some comment about how "good" I'm being. Woof! Pant pant pant! Ack! I hate it!!!!! A friend of mine lost 10 pounds on Atkins and was telling me all about it (she's pretty thin) until I realized she was trying to tell me *I* should be on it. So, I said, "well, I've lost 19 pounds already..." and she just sat there stunned. Drives me crazy.
My mother is the exact opposite... which is not helpful either! I gained 40 pounds to my maximum weight of 298. My mother, every time I saw her, would say, "You've lost weight, haven't you?" She's skinney as a rail and just wants to be supportive but c'mon! It was OBVIOUS I was not losing weight, so just pick something else to flatter me about. But she says it everytime I see her, "You've lost weight!" Nooooo.... Agh!
Now, I change the subject, "No, I haven't but I've changed my hair color (again). Did you do something different with your hair? It looks great."
02-03-2003, 09:10 PM
I've lost close to 35 pounds and no one's mentioned it at all. DH knows I'm losing (since I finally told him at about 20 lbs down. My kids also know because I told them at about 30. I also told 2 sisters at 30.
But no one has spontaneously said anything to me about looking better or anything. I've decided that maybe they didn't notice I had gained either (hehe).
Whatever, I know I've lost, I know I feel better so whether anyone says anything or not doesn't really mean that much to me.
02-03-2003, 09:30 PM
Ladies...you need to remember that some people (guys especially) are AFRAID to say anything along the lines of "You've lost weight, haven't you?" Their thinking is, "Well, if I tell her she's lost weight, she's going to think that I thought she was fat in the first place, and I don't want her thinking THAT, even if she WAS fat."
Eventually, they'll have to say something. After you get closer to goal, those wonderful, crazy guys are going to REALLY put their feet in their mouths by saying something like, "Man, you really used to be a heifer!" :moo: Just laugh at them. :lol:
02-04-2003, 07:12 AM
You are all so sweet! I feel like I get a hug whenever you reply to my posts :)
My relationship with my mom and food has always been difficult. She dragged me to weight watchers (or was it Lean Line back then-anyone remember that) when I was fourteen. I weighed (GASP!) 128 pounds and am five foot eight! They said my weight should be 121. I went there to lose seven lousy pounds. Can you imagine if they had women who are five foot eight with a goal weight of 121 nowadays! I think that just set me up -I've had weight problems since then . Up til I was thirteen or so, I was skinny as a rail and didn't care about food or eating. My sister said they thought I was in the wrong family-I was the only one who didn't eat.
My mom bugged me about losing weight for my wedding ten years ago, but has pretty much shut up since then. But even though she doesn't SAY much, I can feel the disapproval. Her little comments, like a few months ago (before I started losing) about how she's going to give me some sweaters that are way too big on her, since she has lost weight...
Thanks for listening guys. I'm not going to let her bug me anymore.
02-04-2003, 09:32 AM
My Mom sent me to ww too... I was the same age - I'm 5'0" and 117 lbs. 117 lbs!!!! I was a hottie - was my mother insane? She made me eat broiled fish - with nothing on it. I still don't eat fish till this day! yuck!
I remember all kinds of comments from her at that age. Wearing a size 7/8 pants and being told they would look so much better if i lost 5 lbs. My Aunt offering me ice-cream at a family dinner and my Mom saying it would only add another roll on me! Was this cruel? No one else in my family did this. My Mom has been over weight my whole life she could lose atleast 50-65 lbs herself. My sister is very overweight. I guessing she is close to 400lbs. There must be a reason why we are this way.
Maybe I should go to a shrink like Sandi....
Thanks for the topic Sherry... btw, my Mom does the same thing giving away clothes to me. Not only is "successful" (which she is not) at weight lose - she now thinks I can't aford to by myself clothes.
02-04-2003, 02:11 PM
So, is there a connection here between being overweight and not having a great relationship with our mothers? I really identify with these posts as well. My mom and I are not close at all. I feel like the only way I can retain a sense of peace in my life (and lose weight) is to limit my contact with family, and try to surround myself with people who ARE positive and encouraging. Sad, but that's the way it is, and I can either get frustrated trying to get the love and encouragement from my mom that she either doesn't have to give or doesn't know how to give, or try to find positive relationships elsewhere. This is where I'm at now with family.
02-04-2003, 02:43 PM
I can relate to everything here, too (except being taken to WW to lose 7 lbs.--oh, my!), although more with my dad than with my mom. However, it was my mom that put the food on the plate--I remember huge steaks every Saturday. And she hardly ever waivered from 120 lbs at 5' 6". I think feeding us was her way of loving us, unfortunately. And then my dad's unkind remarks were his way of getting us to do something about our weight.
But as a mom myself who has had a weight problem forever, it's hard watching my 19 year old daughter gain weight. Her clothes are incredibly tight--she's always been athletic and a perfect weight for her height. I don't want her to go through the stuff I went through, and start that cycle of gaining and losing. But it's hard watching it happen and biting my tongue.
I know in my heart that she's the one who has to do something on her own and I just have to love her, but I don't want her to go through the unhappiness that I've gone through as an overweight person. I guess I need to just tell myself that she has to live her own life and I'll be there to support her.