100 lb. Club - Why I don't talk about my weight loss in public...




runningfromfat
09-20-2011, 04:20 PM
It just astounds me how insensitive some people can be when it comes to weight struggles. I honestly just don't get what is so hard to understand. EVERYONE struggles with something and has something in their life that they don't control perfectly whether that is their food intake, their budget, their cleanliness, their organizational skills, whatever. It's part of being human, we all have different struggles and part of personal growth is to learn how to deal with them. So why is weight loss any different?

Over the past two days I've been forced to talk about my weight loss in public (something I rarely do). Once was at a doctor's visit where it came up and the other was at a lunch with coworkers. DH works with me and has just started calorie counting and was talking about his success with that. One colleague felt it was appropriate to ask me if I was going to pick up DH's habits too (note DH had not mention ANYTHING about me or my eating habits during this conversation). :mad:

Between those two conversations I've been asked:

1. If I lost the weight with diet pills and if I was starving myself (the doctor kept harping on this like he didn't believe me when I said no!).
2. I'm still upset about the ASSumption that it was OK to ask me if I was going to START a diet (after already losing 60lbs, thank you very much).
3. Once I did say how much I've lost it was immediately blown off as "just baby weight" (yeah, my kid is almost 3 so you better believe me I earned every pound that I've lost!).
4. Why did't you notice that you're gaining weight? (This was actually asked to my DH. In principle it's a somewhat valid question but the tone and assumptions behind it really upset me)
5. Did I bother to exercise? (Um... I can deadlift 100lbs, thank you very much).
6. We were told that sugar "is not the problem". Thanks but I'm pretty sure DH and I know our bodies well enough to know what affects us and what doesn't. Especially since we've both been successful in losing weight.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I NEVER bring up weight loss with other people. I really only talk about it with DH and my best friend. Granted, with health professionals it comes up and my family occasionally asks when they see pictures of me but I avoid getting into details with them.

It gets me extremely annoyed with how insensitive people can be if they haven't BTDT. Everyone who was involved in these past two conversations had never struggle with their weight so to them it really was a foreign concept.

Now, I suppose, in a way, it's GOOD to have these conversations because it helps people to understand what we are going through and hopefully be a bit more compassionate in the future. But it's still frustrating and just because I've lost a significant amount of weight, sometimes I don't want to be the poster child of weight loss. Sometimes I just want people to treat me equally and NOT ask me out of the blue if I'm going to go on a diet. Now that all of my work collegues are aware of what I've lost I'm a bit paranoid that they're going to be watching my eating habits like a hawk (unfortunately, this has happened in the past).

Ultimately, this is why I come to 3FC. It's nice to be able to talk to others who have similar struggles even if we all go about it in a different way. I can't imagine what I would do without the support here because I find conversations where I have to defend my diet and exercise routine extremely exhausting and annoying. :dizzy:

ETA: I should clarify. I would have a VERY different opinion if someone noticed my weight loss and genuinely asked me how I did it. I'm 100% OK with that. What bugs me is all the assumptions on how I did it.


fattymcfatty
09-20-2011, 04:29 PM
Umm...
Your doctor does not sound normal to me at all. The co-worker that asked you if you would pick up his habits sounds like an ignorant jackass.

runningfromfat
09-20-2011, 04:35 PM
Umm...
Your doctor does not sound normal to me at all. The co-worker that asked you if you would pick up his habits sounds like an ignorant jackass.

I asked DH about it afterwards and he told me that where we live diet pills are VERY common and so that's why the doctor was harping on it so much. I really have no clue if that's the case or not being that I haven't even lived in this country a year yet but it still made me very upset!

And, yes, the guy was an ***. ;) That particular guy is sort of known for asking inappropriate questions and not picking up on social cues. Even know that it still made me pretty upset!


Lovely
09-20-2011, 04:42 PM
There are a lot of myths and assumptions about weight loss out in the world. Some of them are silly, some of them are downright scary! Part of the way people speak to you (or anyone) about it might have a lot to do with how they see weight loss, and what it involves (in their minds).

Losing weight, for much of the world around me, still means a "diet". And diets mean lots of things to many different people. Usually salads are included in some manner, though... So when someone is outside of that norm, it's free game to question, prod, interrogate, poke with a stick etc.

The other factor is likely how they perceive people who need to lose weight. This might have a lot to do with the word "fat" and what people tend to think of "fat people". i.e. - They're lazy... so they're going to look for the "easy way out"... pills, magic crash diets, no exercise... Plus, they're too stupid to know how to healthfully lose weight! You get the idea.

It's pretty obnoxious, I agree. And I also agree that 3FC is such a wonderful place due to the fact that we all have this struggle in common and keep harsh judgements away from here.

People have a lot of assumptions about many struggles. If nothing else, we have the opportunity and the awareness of self to apply our struggles to others' and have a little compassion.

In any case, if you ever feel like someone's questions go too far ... about any subject... it's always perfectly okay to change the subject or (depending on your relationship to them) say "That was kind of a rude question..." And then politely change the subject :)

Panacea86
09-20-2011, 04:54 PM
"What other people think of me is none of my damn business." -RuPaul

Trazey34
09-20-2011, 05:07 PM
I've actually pulled up my shirt and tugged the waistband of my pants down and said "OK WHERE"S THE SCAR???" if you're so sure I had weight loss surgery LOL

People are idiots. Rude and idiots. Rude, uninformed, and idiots. Let's not forget that!

I'd have to say my all-time-fav was a doctor I had before my now FAB doctor, she said "well, you're very overweight. What I'd like you to do is eat less and move more. That will remove the excess weight" WOW, really??? Call the Mayo Clinic!!!

PreciousMissy
09-20-2011, 07:04 PM
"What other people think of me is none of my damn business." -RuPaul

LOVE that! :val1:

bargoo
09-20-2011, 07:09 PM
I learned a long time ago that discussing weight loss , mine or others can be a very frustrating conversation, I try to avoid it if at all possible.

fatferretfanatic
09-20-2011, 08:08 PM
"What other people think of me is none of my damn business." -RuPaul

This. :devil: I don't care about what others think of me, and if they want to give me negative opinions about me and my weight loss efforts, that's when my ears close. I am sorry those people were insensitive.

xty
09-20-2011, 08:40 PM
It took me a very, very long time to decide that just because I struggle with weight maint (and an eating disorder) does NOT mean I have to be sensitive about discussing those issues.

While other people are often idiots, regardless of the topic, it is how *I* engage that matters.

In the past it was my own insecurity and shame that caused situations to become uncomfortable.

I have gotten much better at politely shutting down these topics or even answering honestly without feeling so...exposed.

With the doctor - I would have been direct: "you already asked me more than once about my methods, and since it is in my best interest to be completely honest, I was...if you continue to question me in this matter I will be happy to find a more trusting physician."

With the coworkers - "Im sure DH healthy habits will reinforce the healthy habits I have already permanently incorporated." Then turn the convo on them by asking a somewhat related question to the group. "Speaking of health, I heard there is a 5K coming up soon..we should get a team togehter at work!"

linJber
09-20-2011, 08:47 PM
I have to agree with what has been posted here already. Many of my friends are fighting with weight issues, too, so at least I have that in common with them. No one has tried to lose as much as I am trying to lose, though. I get all sorts of odd comments and just chalk it up to the fact that sometimes people just don't know how to react when a friend makes a big life-altering change. I made it very clear from the start that I was not following a diet. I used the "excuse" that I'm too bullheaded to be told what I can and can't eat and too lazy to count points. It seems that EVERY SINGLE TIME I have a meal with someone, they apologize and say, "I guess you probably can't eat this." I tell them over and over - I can eat whatever I want. I've been asked if I will ever be able to eat like a normal person. I answer that with, "I AM eating like a normal person - I used to eat like a fat person. This is how normal people eat." No one gets it.

I've been given the most ridiculous advice. I was at a friend's house. She has 2 sisters who should be doing some serious thinking about their weight. While we talked, the 2 sisters ate an entire bag of chips with a full 12 oz container of dip. (OK - I ate a few chips and a little of the dip.) They told me I really should be using lo-cal dressing because of how much salad I eat. And that I should cut back on the cardio and do more weight training to lose more effectively. It took all my quiet reserve (if you knew me, you'd realize what a difficult thing this was) to not say, "Wait - which one of us has lost almost 90 pounds since January? Oh, yeah - ME. I'm the one who lost weight - you are the ones who gained."

Everyone has horror stories of their own. I think the fact that reality TV rules the airwaves right now coupled with America's obsession with "thin" makes people think it's OK to be a critic and that they are all somehow experts. I don't talk about this unless someone brings it up. I also agree that this is one of the best things about 3FC - we can rant and rave and everyone understands.

Lin

JamiSue3916
09-20-2011, 09:07 PM
It seems that EVERY SINGLE TIME I have a meal with someone, they apologize and say, "I guess you probably can't eat this." I tell them over and over - I can eat whatever I want. I've been asked if I will ever be able to eat like a normal person. I answer that with, "I AM eating like a normal person - I used to eat like a fat person. This is how normal people eat." No one gets it.

I have experienced this too. Is hilariously infuriating!

toastedsmoke
09-20-2011, 10:04 PM
I have to say that I too never talk to people IRL about my weightloss or my plan unless they out and out ask me. I've been heavy all my life and so no one least of all myself, has ever known me to be anything but fat. Up until earlier this year, when people asked me, I was really non-committal and very vague about what I was doing to lose weight.

It was actually my mom that outed me after I gave a non-committal answer to a family friend and disclosed that I was really serious and really worked hard to get to where I was (at that point I'd lost about 75ish lbs). And then after that, the lady was genuinely interested and so I told her what I'd been doing, basically calorie counting with no food group-restrictions and kind of what my philosophy was and that was that.

The reasons why I don't discuss weight issues with people whether they're stranger, family or friends (I didn't even tell my mom or my BFFs, it was more something they observed after some time) are:

1.) I don't really want their input. I don't want them to feel like they have the right to police me or discount me from meals and outings, or think they know what I can or cannot eat, or mention my diet constantly in public, or feel like they have to plan around me, or watch me like I'm a recovering addict they're waiting for to relapse into obesity.

2.) If I fail, I want it to be my business, same as if I succeed. I get my support from my stranger-partners-in-weightloss-crime (all of you guys, my 3fc peoples) and from myself. If I feel like I need more or less support I can increase or decrease the frequency of my visits whereas you can't control that in real life, you can't avoid people and their judgment.

3.) I just feel like I can generally do without the drama I've seen sharing this journey with a lot of people, bring. This is hard enough, I don't need the external negative energy. It's distracting, depressing and generally unproductive for everyone.

4.) Even when people are positive for instance my mom, or family members who are inspired by what I've done to get started, I sometimes feel the pressure of their expectations, like for instance how disappointed/discouraged she would be (mostly on my behalf I'm sure) if let's say I regained and to be honest, I don't really enjoy that part.

Obviously it gets to a point where you can no longer avoid the topic because you're either doing something extraordinary (in relation to your former lifestyle) to lose weight or you have a serious health problem, but the undersharing was good while it lasted.

kaplods
09-20-2011, 10:46 PM
I think we're all insensivite and idiotic at times, especiall when we don't know the "full story," or are dealing with people from a different culture, subculture, or life experience.

I know I've stuck my foot in my mouth a thousand times before, because I didn't think before speaking, or because I wasn't aware of the cultural traditions or personal history of the person I was speaking with.

But we expect and accepy unintentional idiocy on other topics, and I wish weight loss and weight weren't so emotionally "loaded" so that it could be discussed more openly. I try to make it that way, and I love talking about dieting and weight loss, even with strangers. Even with people intentionally trying to make me feel hurt or stupid (because I like proving to such people, that they can't).

For me, it's my "soap box" topic, and I try to keep it "under my hat," because I know people can be sensitive and easily hurt - but if THEY bring up the topic, I see it as my invitation to whip out my soapbox.

I think I must have a "doesn't take things personally" gene. Or maybe it was growing up in a family that "fought dirty" but didn't hold a grudge (well at least not until the next argument, and it could all be dredged up again).

I remember bitter arguments with my mother and grandmother over silly and serious things, and in the middle of the argument one of the adults would say "well are we going to lunch/the mall/the movies (whatever had been planned), or what?"

Of course that may have shaped some of my misadventures in eating as well, considering that I was raised in a family that allowed no emotional upheaval to get between us and meal plans.

The only way it will be ok to discuss obesity and weight loss, is if we can take the stigma away from overweight. We have to stop seeing obese and overweight folks as defective and immoral. And I think as long as we all stay silent and hiding, that's not going to happen.

As a culture, we don't (as much as we used to, anyway) expect overweight people to remove themselves from society, but we do expect them to stay silent. There's this weird social conspiracy in which we're all supposed to pretend we don't recognize when we or someone else is very overweight.

Which can get kind of weird, when we're supposed to acknowledge when someone has lost weight, and yet we aren't supposed to notice that they are still or ever were overweight or fat. And we're DEFINITELY not supposed to ever notice or acknowledge membership in the group of overweight people. If you weigh 500 lbs, you're not supposed to acknowledge when meeting someone who weighs about the same, that you have anything in common.

It's always made me wish we had a "secret handshake" that meant the topic of weight and weight loss was ok to discuss.

But we don't have a secret handshake, which means we either have to risk discomfort or we kave to stay silent.

I perfectly understand and accept those who stay silent, but because I want things to change so badly, I'm willing to be one of the first to say it out loud in a crowd. I do have to "comfort check" often - pay attention to body language and facial expression, ask questions to make sure the topic isn't hurting the person I'm talking too, but I've had some of the absolutely best conversations with perfect strangers on the topic.

Once in a cafeteria (on a college campus where I was retraining to be a Cobol programmer), where a bunch of us overweight, 30-ish and older women in the class had gotten on the topic of weight loss and the diets a person could avoid "counting," a stranger overheard our conversation, and asked if we minded if he joined the conversation because it was relevent to his field of study (which I can't remember what exactly it was - a graduate degree in specialized P.E. or nutrition threapy).

He was blond, uber-fit, Australian and absolutely gorgeous (not of course that, that had any bearing on our letting him into our discussion - then again it may have been the only reason).

It was a really great discussion, and while there was quite a bit of heated debate, I don't think anyone was offended at the disagreement, as we all seemed to be having a lot of fun.

It was interesting to hear his perspective on American food. Especially meat portions. He said he always considered himself a person who ate a lot of red meat (I think his family raised sheep, or he was raised in a community in which a lot of people raised sheep), and how he was astonished to be served such huge portions of meat, and even more astonished to see the people around him finishing such huge portions.

It would have been really easy to take some of his statements as insults (personally and culturally), but it was like we had all made an unconscious pact to check our egos at the door. The topic was so interesting, that we all said things I don't think we would have in any other situation. I certainly never in a zillion years thought I'd discuss personal stories of my compulsive eating experiences with a gorgeous, uber-stud half my age.

linJber
09-20-2011, 11:37 PM
There have been a ton of great responses here. I think Kaplods is right on the money - as usual - with her observations. I might be willing to speak candidly with a perfect (and he does sound perfect . . . ) stranger, but probably not with an acquaintance. The "anonymity" factor comes in to play, perhaps.

And I agree with Toastedsmoke's points - especially #1. I don't want input from someone else. I don't want people to plan around me. I don't want to be told when to stop losing weight (a friend told me I looked like I have been sick and better stop losing.) So my answer lately to, "What have you been doing to lose weight?" is, "Eating like a thin person." that ends it unless I want to keep it going.

Lin

MrsTee
09-21-2011, 02:57 AM
A) all Australians are uber-fit blond and gorgeous - it's a national trait......

B) I once went to a physcologist to be referred to a specialist therapist for weight issues, ( which was interesting and whole other story) and HE said to me,
"have you tried not eating between meals"?

WHAT???????????????????? THIS WORKS??????????????? Well if ONLY someone had told me that earlier.

Sums up peoples ignorance for me.....

slowrunner
09-21-2011, 02:55 PM
I'm a little late (17 awesome responses already!), but I can totally understand your frustration, runningfromfat! Assumptions + unwarranted advice + a reasonable desire for privacy are terrible company, and I'm sure every one of us here has had these days.

My situation is a bit different, as I live in Asia, where my weight makes me stand out as much as my white skin does, but the comments seem to be the same in every country. Everyone has advice, even when it's not asked for (and it's NEVER asked for because I'm stubbornly independent and fairly quiet about my weight loss efforts), and the advice always falls into 2 categories: the ridiculously OBVIOUS (did you know you have to burn more calories than you take in???????) or the absolutely WRONG and UNINFORMED (your calves are already too big, so you shouldn't do sports that use your legs too much... or... why did you buy a kettlebell? you can lift your water bottle and it's the same thing).

There's also the extra layer of ethnic/cultural differences I have to deal with, mainly that it's not very easy/common for girls to get to my size here, and therefore people think the only way I could possibly be this way is by eating McDonald's every day (as all Americans do, of course). On the rare occasion that I do eat at McDonald's, I make sure to fold over the bag to hide the logo, lest people on the street see what I'm eating and give me that judgmental look I often see (or worse... snickering, usually from teenage boys). Sometimes it can outweigh all the confidence I have from committing to losing weight.

Perhaps the worst part is knowing that not one of these people has ever been in my shoes, yet I'm way too nice and forgiving... they know not what they do, as they say, or they were raised to butt into people's business as often as possible and don't share my idea of personal boundaries. But what is there to be done? It's one thing to tell someone their advice is not welcome - and that may help the next person they consider "helping" - but the damage has already been done to my mood and my confidence.

On a happier note, I do appreciate it when people around me acknowledge that they've noticed I've been getting serious about exercise. I still kind of dread the stupid question "So, you're getting serious about exercise, huh?" and list out the things they've noticed I've been doing, but their reactions are generally positive "I think it's awesome" kind of stuff. As long as they don't make me talk about it at length, and we focus primarily on my athletic acccomplishments (you swim *how far* every day?), it makes me feel good that people have taken notice, and gives me a little extra motivation as well.

kyalpn
09-21-2011, 03:23 PM
This whole thread just sums up my life. Feeling judged for my weight, feeling judged for losing weight (if that makes sense), feeling insecure and weak for struggling at all and being able to come here where everyone "gets it". :D I love it!

I, too, have a problem being put on the spot about it. It puts me on the defensive and brings insecurities I thought that I was getting over back to the surface. Especially with strangers. If it is someone close to me, I feel a little more comfortable. They've already seen me at "my worst", so things can only get better, and they will support me even if they don't understand.

With strangers or co-workers, I don't know what is being said after I leave. I don't know if they are genuinely concerned or curious or if my experience is unpleasantly disected and anylized amongst them. Kind of like I am going to get a guilty verdit by a jury of my peers regardless of how well I've done or for what reasons I've done it.

LiannaKole
09-22-2011, 02:05 AM
It was actually my mom that outed me after I gave a non-committal answer to a family friend and disclosed that I was really serious and really worked hard to get to where I was

That totally happened to me, too! A friend asked me how much I'd lost and guessed about 20 lbs (it was 60 at that point), and I just smiled and said, "Around there." My mom chimed in and said that it was actually 60 lbs. I almost laughed at how shocked my friend was! She said she was shocked that I was that heavy at all (I don't know why - I was obese before).

Also, people are surprisingly bad at guessing how much someone weighs or how much someone's lost, so that's in my advantage to keep my start, end, and goal weight a secret. It's seriously for self-protection. I can't tell you the comments I would get, most of them not positive.


However, overall, I prefer not to talk about my weight loss, not to have others savvy to how I'm losing weight (or even that I'm losing at all).

I get more motivation when I'm the only one who knows. Because then people aren't policing me or anything.

If I could, I would hide it until I hit my goal weight and then tell everyone, "Look, I've lost over 90 lbs. Isn't that nice?" and then switch the subject. I seriously prefer than no one knows until I'm done losing. Obviously, that won't happen.

For some reason, when I was losing faster, I thought that's what I was doing. Then people noticed and I was shocked that they could tell. Lol!

slowrunner
09-22-2011, 04:32 AM
Feeling judged for my weight, feeling judged for losing weight (if that makes sense),

It totally makes sense, kyalpn! Reminds me of something that happened to me in middle school (already overweight) when two girls from my school rode by me on their bikes as I was walking home from school. They shouted "You BETTER walk!"

That happened 20 years ago, and it has stayed with me all this time. I'm sure it's why I'm still embarrassed to let someone see me exercise, and also why I'm embarrassed to hear something supportive like "Oh, you're exercising a lot now? Good for you."

Still trying to overcome those feelings, but I think once you feel judged for something, you'll always feel a bit insecure about it. (Similarly, a kid in a grocery store once called me a pink whale while I was wearing a new pink dress that I loved - I never wore it again after that day, even though other people had given me compliments. Come to think of it, I avoided pink for years after that, too!) I'm guessing we all have comments like this in our pasts that cause us to be extra sensitive, even when people are trying to be nice. It's a shame that the rude people in our lives render us incapable of taking compliments.

If it makes any difference, I think you're all doing great, you're all doing it exactly the right way, and you are in need of no advice until you ask for it! :)

ButterCup85
09-22-2011, 08:15 AM
I just wanted to throw in a bit too, even though so many others have already said wonderful things. Maybe I'm a b**** or maybe I just really have had enough experiences with crud people to know. But, people who ASSume you did it unhealthy or nag you about and especially DOWN SIZE the fact you lost it- saying baby weight- or whatever. MANY in my opinion are uncomfortable with themselves and if they admit you did it healthy and you did it awesome and you look great- that means they'd have to hold themselves to that standard- and many don't want to! They want to be lazy.

And others are jealous, period. Jealous you did it, or you look great, or that they don't have the motivation.

I love my friends, it's obvious that many of the bigger ones- (like me mind you) wont ask about it, wont comment on it, and WHEN they do it's to say how much I have NOT changed or they didn't think 4 or 5 pants sizes would look so much the same. And the smaller ones don't realize my struggle and wont to stop for ice cream or fast food.

Some of it is just by people not thinking, but the flat out rude comments are from flat out rude people. Including your doctor! Maybe he was trying to check, because losing weight in society these days with all the media, so many women turn to the wrong thing. Next time you remind him you just have commitment, motivation and willpower! It was all you. And then say thank you for NOTICING!

There will always be someone who doesn't like you or what you do. When many people see someone do something amazing they feel the need to down size it, because if one person does something amazing it shows it's DOABLE, and that they should be getting healthy too. That's my opinion.

I'm really not a mean person, I know because I used to be one of them. When a friend would lose weight I'd ignore it, I'd leave it alone, or tell her to quit throwing up. It was my self image taking a hit. Because she was doing it, I wanted to but was lazy so I had to make her feel like crud so I could feel better and convince myself I DIDN'T NEED TO CHANGE. Thank God I am not that person anymore.

It's awesome what you are doing, you be damn proud of it. And, next time they tell you it's baby weight, you should make a joke and say yeah 240 to 179 three years later I pretty much did lose a whole baby- toddler even.

You need to know you deserve to feel great. My mom has always told me "Don't let anyone else decide your happiness, or how you feel about you- especially a man." The man part doesn't fit so much here, but letting what others do or say decide if you are happy or upset is never good. You decide how you feel. If you emotions depend on how someone treats you, you'll always be bothered.

People have their own reasons to say rude things, I pity them. Because being molested for so many years of my life I learned that for someone to do something so horrible they must had had a hard life or struggle. Remember that next time, it's sad for them to be that way- it's not your fault, and they only do it because they are in some way unhappy with themselves.

I went on a rant, I'm sorry. I think it's great, you shout it from the rooftops and be proud and ignore those comments. You know what you did even if they don't, and if they don't want to genuinely know because they'd feel upset with themselves, it's all on them! Congratulations, you worked hard. And hard work deserves to be noticed in a GOOD way!

PaulaM
09-22-2011, 03:50 PM
I NEVER bring up weight with anybody. I refuse to say you look like you've gained weight, like so many have said to me. Really, thanks for telling me, I never realized. I don't want to talk about the weight I'm losing because even the nicest people will say something like oh you look so much better than before, you were really big! The well intentioned remarks invariably come out wrong, then you feel self conscious with them, my goodness, what did they think of me BEFORE. So I'm just going ninja on the entire subject, about myself and about everybody else.

sapphire9
09-22-2011, 04:08 PM
I get these issues all the time. A few months ago, my dentist, whom I've gone to for over 20 years, commented on a recent weight gain, which is due to some health issues and job stress. He made me feel very uncomfortable, almost to the point where I dreaded going to his office. He realized the faux pas, I think, and hasn't mentioned it since. My doctor is another one. I told him a number of times I wasn't interested in bariatric surgery and would he please not bring it up again. Well, at the last visit, he did. I reminded him that I'd asked him not to mention it and he said, "Well, it's been a year." Jeez. On the bus the other night, I was sitting across from two women, strangers to each other, but who started a conversation. One was older and very thin and a little crazy looking. The other was in her 20s, wearing workout clothes, was fidgety and looking like she was on drugs and never eats. I heard them mention a gym. When I got off the bus, the older woman approached me and started to tell me about the local Curves! I just walked away. The insistence of some people to mind other people's business never ceases to amaze me.

JustSharing83
09-22-2011, 05:10 PM
I've never been comfortable talking about my weight. It has gotten a little better since I have lost a significant amount so I can put a positive spin on the subject, but I never bring it up first. If someone asks me for advice, I try to answer those kinds of questions.

A few days ago, a mere acquaintance commented that I look thin and she worried I was getting too thin... What?! I'm still 200 pounds and obese according to my BMI. I don't even really look "thin" - my belly is still big enough to keep me in plus sizes.

I don't know how to react to a comment like that...

Goddess Jessica
09-22-2011, 11:19 PM
I try to be patient with the healthcare professionals. They see a lot of patients and many of them have good intentions and we treat them like they're not human beings.. Oh and my doctor is hot and gets my sense of humor. In most ways, I adore him but he's such an idiot when it comes to weight.

Here's our annual conversation:

Him: Soooooo.....
Me: Before you even discuss my weight, here are the things I want to address -- (X, Y, Z).
Him: Okay, and then --
Me: And then you can strain yourself by flipping back a few pages and looking at my PREVIOUS weight and comparing it to my CURRENT weight and then we can have a discussion.
Him: Oh. You've lost a lot of weight.
Me: What??? No.
Him: Hey! We don't HAVE TO talk about your weight.
Me: No, I WANT to talk about my weight. I want to hear you tell me how many patients you've had that you've told to lose weight and lost weight.
Him: Point taken.
Me: You know, they give you the history of the patient BEFORE you come into the room to prevent you sticking your foot in your mouth.
Him: Okay smartass, so (X,Y, and Z).

You would think after a couple years of this he would learn. Sometimes I thinks he does it because he likes it when his hot red-head patient yells at him.

shelley3650
09-29-2011, 01:09 AM
totally agree with you on this. what always kills me is if someone mentions i lost weight they'll ask what im taking. wth? why do i have to be taking something to help me lose weight? can't i just do it the healthy old fashion way?

runningfromfat
09-29-2011, 09:43 AM
Thanks everyone for all the thoughts and responses. I read every last one of them and laughed along with some of them and others I just wanted to send lots and lots of hugs about. :hug: There are so many that I just can't respond individually but I really enjoyed reading all of them. :D

I'm not sure why every time my weight loss comes up it invokes such responses. I actually when in yesterday to get a suit of mine altered so I could wear it still instead of buying a new one. It was HUGE on me and so the tailor was asking me about my weight loss. Then she asked me if I had had surgery! According to DH people are just much more upfront here and I guess I just need to suck it up and get used to it. She didn't ask at all in a condescending way, just curious so I didn't get upset or anything, it was more that I was surprised.

InsideMe
09-29-2011, 10:06 AM
People who attack negatively are only reverting their internal anger outwards. They are angry with themselves! It's easier to attack then to be happy for someone....honestly I don't know how???? But there are people like that in this world...unfortunately! I'd be interested to know if any of these people were overweight themselves???

I don't have much else to say but don't let them get you down, you are doing an amazing job and your doing it the right way! :hug: