[free1]

So, I'm so angry, depressed, ticked off right now that I can't see straight.

As I posted earlier, I needed to go clothes shopping because I've gone from a 22/24 to an 18 almost 16. I am tired of looking like a deflated clown in MC Hammer pants. So, after work, I dropped the kids off with hubby to do some smaller shopping. The experience was HORRIBLE!!!!

First, everything in an 18 was hideous. Of course, when I was a 24 all the cute clothes were in an 18. Now, all of the cute clothes are in a 24!!! I took the clothes I could find to the dressing room. BIG MISTAKE!!! While they fit (yeah), I got a look at the full body mirror that I've avoided almost my entire life.

You know when you really see what your choices have done, it's depressing. So, apparently I have vericose veins on the back of my leg AT 38!!!! Of course, I've never seen them before because the mirror is my enemy. And if the veins weren't decoration enough...the fat from my thigh has apparently begun to hang by my knee resulting in a hanging mass on the back of my knee that looks like a cross between a rear end and a dear hoof. AND MY FEET LOOK LIKE A SUMO WRESTLER'S.

Now, I'm really depressed. So, I move on to another high end store that I use to be able to buy nice plus sized high end suits from. They had the cutest suits in size 0 and only 2 of the most hideous suits in the plus size. The sales person keeps looking at me like...I'm so sorry that you wear this size.

And then Dorothy (the name I gave her) comes up to me and asks if I can wear an 18 misses. AAARRGHHHH!!!! If I could wear a regular 18, I WOULDN'T BE IN THE WOMEN'S SECTION!!!! And who asked you Dorothy, anyway. I haven't worn misses since 7th grade!!!!

So, home I head ready to eat the pizza that the kids are having for dinner. As I'm looking at all of the size 0s, I can't imagine how all of this will ever fit into anything in the misses section!!! THERE'S MORE....to get to my car, I had to go through the swimsuit section (can't tell you what a joy that was).

I'm almost in tears now and then....drum roll please....VICTORIA'S SECRET. I had to walk past Vickie's with the posters of all of those anorexic aliens magnified like 300x. And then the security guard starts checking me out...not interested, happily married....but then I'm upset because he looks like someone's drunk uncle. Now isn't that flattering....

And now I really want the pizza on my dining room table that my naturally thin, runner of a husband wanted for dinner.

Sorry had to vent. Thanks for reading. Today is a low point....

[SMSDREAMER2007]

Huggsssss. I hear you! btw..Im 22 and Ive had varicose veins since I was 18 :\

[free1]

UPDATE.....It gets better....

As I'm in the bed fighting to stay out of the kitchen, my 3 year old comes in, pats my arm and asks "what are these mommy?" (Meaning my arms). Then she asks why are they so wiggly....I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom!

[Madame Souza]

Sorry you had a rough day.

[Mariposa24]

<<hugs>> You sound so frustrated....Hopefully your next shopping trip goes better , you find stuff that makes you feel HOT and no weirdo security guard scams on you.

[JessLess]

Clothes shopping can be really hard. Sorry you had a bad day.

[milmin2043]

I'm so sorry! You and I could be bestfriends today. I have had 3 brain surgeries since April of this year. Well, I am bald, as usual, or close to it. BUT, I always try to look womanly. I wear earrings, a necklace, a frilly blouse, or whatever.

My husband and I went out to dinner this evening and the server called me sir. This was after my husband talked me into not wearing a scarf or a hat, saying that I look better without them. It wouldn't have been so bad, because I am getting used to it, but then she had to make an a$$ out of herself by profusely apologizing very loudly and forcing everyone within ear shot to stare at me. I immediately got beet red, had a wicked hot flash, and almost started to cry. Then of course, I blamed my husband for telling me not to wear a head cover.

Honestly, I understand how you feel, even though it's different circumstances. When I read your account, I got your feelings exactly. Nothing is worse than when you are feeling pretty damned good about yourself and then something happens that knocks you down a few pegs.

I really am sorry.

[Trazey34]

if you want something funny to put this all in perspective, there's a #hashtag they use on twitter called "First World Problems" as in, half the world is starving and living in squalor and our big problems are finding pretty clothes to fit us because we have TOO MUCH to eat LOL or people complaining all the new TV shows seem to be on at the time time and there's only so much you can record on a PVR at one time ROFL it's so ridiculous you have to laugh right?! It was a crappy shopping experience, maybe the next one will be too, but eventually you'll find what you want ~ breathe, it'll be ok! Catalogue shop cuter things, or online etc., there's always a way!

[JamiSue3916]

Ouch. What a tough day. It was just one thing after another for you, huh? Not sure why those days have to happen to us but when they do, some sleep and a fresh start the next day is usually the best medicine in my experience. Sorry and tomorrow's is better.

[Nikki6kidsmom]

It will get better,I promise. Next time you go shopping maybe take a supportive friend maybe get some pampering first like a manicure or pedicure and keep it fun. Remind yourself that you are working hard and already seeing some results and give yourself some slack. Use the areas you see that don't like as fuel to keep pushing when you feel like giving up not as something to knock your self esteem down. We are all a work in progress.

[starbrite]

It takes time. You are doing something about your weight, breathe and move on. I still have problems looking in the mirror, and still see my former 300lb self, I see the loose skin and the fact that I still have a flabby stomach. It's a shame that clothes manufacturers don't understand that cute clothes are needed in all sizes. I hope you don't dive into the pizza, it won't help, and will make you feel more down. Instead run a bath, with lots of bubbles and think about the joys you do have in your life x

[linJber]

Everyone has given great advice. I'm sending hugs and just one more "keep you chin up." I was able to alter enough of my pants and jeans that I didn't have to shop for new ones until I had gone from 22W to 18 in misses. It was winter - people expect your clothing to be a bit unfitted. My shock came when I had to buy summer things that revealed a lot more skin. It is a shock to see it all in the mirror. I'm even considering holding at my present weight for a long while until I see just how bad the bagginess is - maybe it will tighten up, maybe not. We all experience the frustration you're talking about. Just know you're doing what it takes to get healthy. From this point forward every 10 or 15 pounds will be a new pant size for a while, then every 8 - 10, so you will be in regular sizes VERY soon if 18W fits now. Finding things gets easier. Prices get lower. That frustration, at least, is gone. Try to get in tune with what you look like thin and realize it's WAY better than how you looked heavy. you're making great progress. It seems like you passed up the pizza (I hope) so keep up that positive attitude and do this one step at a time.

Here are a few more hugs. . .

Lin

[runningfromfat]

I've had some similar shopping experience. I actually living in a developing country (finding well-fitting clothes is so not just a 1st world problem!! ) and the clothes do NOT even remotely fit my body type. It's so hard seeing cute clothes that aren't going to fit. My biggest issue is tops because that I have large breasts and nobody here does so it took multiple trips to the mall, trying out a multitude of stores out before I finally found just one dress that fit!

One thing that's good to keep in mind is that this is just temporary. You're not going to be wearing size 18 forever and that store was out of cute suits in larger sizes just that day. They might be restocking soon and will have them in a multitude of sizes! Goodness knows, I'm not planning on going down to a 0 or 2 ever and there are tons of people like me that are able to find well-fitting suits!

[Lori Bell]

I'm sorry you had a sucky shopping experience, I promise it will get better.

I just have to ask though...did you happen to try the 18 misses the sales lady suggested? I would be trying those misses sizes on. With the larger cut vanity sizing that is so popular today, I have found misses clothes BIGGER than my older Women's clothes. (Not that it helps our weight any, but it is what it is. )

[toastedsmoke]

Sorry about your bad shopping experience. Everyone has those days. I don't know how long you've been on your weightloss journey but give your body time to catch up. Unless you were only large for a few months, your body and skin need time to adjust to the loss. It WILL get better. You're 38, have a fit husband and kids, I'm 25, single, never been pregnant AND wondering how I'm going to explain these boobs and this body to a future SO. But you know what? My boobs are a million times better than they were like 6 months ago. Much less wrinkly, much less rock in a sock. My stomach is less flabby. Things will get better, it's not easy, but be patient!

I read this on twitter the other day and it really resonated with me and my body-hating ways: "If you're not happy with your body, it probably doesn't think much of you either." And that is SO true. My allowing myself to get to a certain weight and putting my physical and emotional body under so much stress, but then complaining about it, my body probably swears at me when I complain, and mentions the extra treats, I refused to bypass.

For practical advice, maybe stick with pants and long dresses until you're happy showing off your legs. Colder weather should be coming soon, although living in the tropics never stopped me from wearing pants and layering personally. 18W/20 regular is a good size because most department stores and some regular high street stores go up to that size. When I lived in America and was that size, I always had excellent luck at Macy's and Lane Bryant for that size in pants and tops. Even got a few really nice blazers from Torrid (if you're willing to weed through the weird angsty, teeny clothes). Wherever you are though, online shopping is your friend. You get a wider variety in sizes and probably more options. Also, don't feel you have to be 100% on trend! Go for classics that look good on your body as it is right now! Wide-leg is still in. If a skinnier pant is emphasizing things you don't like about your calves, go for a wide leg. With a small heel, it will make your legs look longer and leaner anyway than a skinny or slimmer fitting trouser.

Sorry about your bad day. Keep at it, knowing that if you do, it continues to get better and better!