General chatter - I need to vent a bit.

View Full Version : I need to vent a bit.

09-14-2011, 06:59 PM
So my significant other Dexter (technically, he's the roommate/ex-boyfriend/best friend, but I'm simplifying it a bit here) has recently left for deployment to the middle east. For security reasons I can't say when. BUT I haven't seen him for two months now (he was training in the states, and I can say that much). Its our second deployment together (first was 2003/2004) so I know what to expect.

I moved up here (to North Carolina) from Atlanta back in 2007, because his Mom asked me to move up here. My Mom had recently died and it was ideal at the time to move up here. Dexter had moved back here to NC about a year or so before 2007. Well, to make a long story short, his Mom hates my guts (and that is putting it mild) and kicked Dexter and myself out of her house-- and this is after I cooked all her meals, cleaned her house, made sure she had all her medications every day, healed her wounds (her leg was amputated and no doctor or nurse could heal the huge wound, but when I started dressing her leg it started healing) basically... waited on her hand and foot.

She doesn't like me because I told her she wasn't my Mother. I can understand why she'd take offense but... I had a mother. I took care of my mother for 10 years (sickness). No one could replace my Mom.

Anyway, she thinks that Dexter hardly ever came to her house was because of my negative influence. What she doesn't know is that the only reason he CAME to her house was because I made him go, He wanted nothing to do with her (and a lot of her former friends want nothing to do with her). For one thing, she calls Dexter stupid and other names. And she killed the ferals out in her yard when we moved out, and Dexter and I loved those cats.

Anyway, I know I'm not blameless, but she thinks I'm the reason, as she says I'm "pulling her family apart" and that isn't true. I still love her, and I want to still do for her (his cousin is in her house now so she has someone to help her). Anyway, with the deployment, and this, and me being alone right now in a strange area... I just want to vent about it somewhere.

If you got through all that, thank you in advace.

09-14-2011, 07:40 PM
Hugs! Im sorry she's treating you so poorly. Just think karma. What comes around goes around and leave it at that. Sometimes there is no pleasing people. Maybe you can join a group that has a hobby you enjoy on meetup in your area. They have the listings of like book groups, ect. I hope you make new friends and leave the toxic ones behind. Best of luck.

09-14-2011, 08:41 PM
wow, I'm so sorry. she obviously has seriously problems, you've been very kind to her, I hope you can take comfort in that!

09-14-2011, 10:47 PM
Oh we no longer live in her house. Dexter and I live in a town nearby. We're planning on moving back to Atlanta, or perhaps Augusta, when he gets back from deployment. And me being on disability I don't have much income by myself, so he and I sort of depend on each other.

Thank you all for letting me vent about it. At least I don't have to talk with her much. Only if something happens to Dexter during deployment, seeing as I'm his emergency contact.

09-14-2011, 11:23 PM
When my DH and I first dated, his sisters accused me of holding him back from visiting them..conveniently forgetting he had never been a big family guy. We had a talk and set things straight. That said, sounds like Dexter's Mom is an ungrateful and nasty piece of work.Sorry she's treating you that way,Martina.

09-15-2011, 12:26 PM
She doesn't like me because I told her she wasn't my Mother. I can understand why she'd take offense but... I had a mother. I took care of my mother for 10 years (sickness). No one could replace my Mom.

Oh, goodness, did my MIL say the SAME THING to me. My mom died after a life-long illness in 2006, and I pretty much grew up taking care of her and the family... and MIL wanted to 'be my mom' (she literally asked me to call her mom, and I just can't) but can't understand that I have/had a mom. A great one. She can be my MIL, but not my ACTUAL MOM. :lol: I totally don't know what to do about it (were going on 5 years here, lol) but if you get any really good insight, let me know! Sheesh, lol.

MIL also calls DH and asks why he doesnt see his fam a lot, even though she knows we a) don't have anything in common with them b) his grandmother calls him names - to his face, no less c) we make plenty of effort to go see them, about a 50 min drive, but in our 5 years of owning our house, they have been to it TWICE, :lol: d) I'm too "mean" to her... I'm honest with her, which is something she doesn't get a lot, and doesn't know how to process. I'm at the "oh well" point of our relationship, lol..

Thighs Be Gone
09-15-2011, 12:33 PM
IMO, since you aren't married to him it is pretty easy not to worry about it. When you see her, be polite and cordial. You don't have to overdo it. Do what you are comfortable with. Sometimes when I am forced to deal with someone I would rather not, I find it easier to have several neutral parties involved too. It sort of dilutes the situation.