[Littlefox]

I've been eating (somewhat) healthy/working out for awhile. For whatever reason, my weight just seemed to climb. Maybe it's because food at home is tasty (mother's a great cook) and it's tempting to say no to a Culver's burger, even if it is every other day. I'm 5'8'' and was about 165 pounds two weeks ago.

For a week I've been on a downward spiral. I guess there were two triggers. The first was a ballet class. I have a nice figure and don't have a belly, but was one of the biggest ones there, particularly in the hips, even though I was one of the most advanced. (Hourglasses don't look all that great in ballet gear.) It really hurt my confidence. The second was when I was in the Uni bookstore. I was looking at a psychology book (I'm Bipolar and love to read about it) and looked at a BMI chart. In that particular chart, I was in the overweight section.

So I just stopped eating. For the first few days it was okay. I replaced two meals a day with salads with veggies and had dressing and cheese on it. Diet coke only. I'd still burn about 600 calories on the elliptical while studying. However after those days I started skipping meals entirely and eating a salad for breakfast and perhaps a salad for dinner without dressing. At the most 800 calories, and that's pretty generous considering they were bloodly salads. At this point I was burning 600-1,200 calories a day. The past three days have been worse. I deprive myself of food and work out at the 1,200 calorie level. (Except last night, when I seriously pigged out: a chicken leg, slice of pizza, half a burger, some fruit cocktail AND a banana.)

I felt so guilty about last night that I had three mini recees cups (stupid, I know) and went and walked eleven miles. Really, I walked eleven miles. Then I went home and had one slice of pizza. Now I feel so guilty about the slice of pizza. I feel like I need to go work out more and study.

I'm probably having a negative caloric intake of about 3,500 calories a day. I have no idea how much weight I've lost because I'm afraid of the scales, but it's more than I've lost in months, I can tell that.

I know I'm crazy, but has anyone dealt with this before? I'm seeing a psychiatrist for my bipolar, and I could mention this to her, but I'm afraid of her sending me to a mental hospital. I don't what's going on with my head.

[junebug41]

Honey, you MUST bring this up to your therapist. You may be referred to treatment, but it is important that these behaviors are addressed. At this point, you are putting yourself in jeopardy. You don't have to fix this alone and I think reaching out to a professional is the best thing you can do. In the meantime, something-fishy.org is an excellent online resource. I'm sorry you're struggling right now and I hope you are able to get some help with this.

[whatupton]

I can somewhat relate to your post. During my high school years (2005-2009) I was a three sport varsity athlete, was weight training and conditioning 6 days a week for 3.5 hours a day with my teams. Pretty intense. But on top of this I struggled with an eating disorder. It was extremly difficult, but I couldn't stop. I'd be running miles and miles a day, go home eat a good home cooked meal by my italian mother, feel horribly guilty and either purge or go work out more only to deprive myself the next day. It was a vicious cycle. After a unit in my psychology class covered eating disorders. I came to terms with the fact I had a problem, I spoke to my therapist and we worked out a plan to balance things out. She told me that even though my issue might not have a name, (Like disorders such as anorexia) any kind of purging/deprivation/unsafe working out is still something that should be addressed and treated. It is now two years later and even though I still struggle, things are much better than they were then.

I am so sorry you are going through something like this, and I hope with all that I have you mention this to your psychiatrist. I promise you will not be sent to a mental hospital, but you must be open to what your psychiatrist suggests. She is there to help you. <3