I'm still far away from my final weight goal. My question is for those of you that have met your goal weight or are very close to reaching your goal weight.
Has your life drastically changed for the better? I know, logically, that it's a faulty mind set to believe that everything will "fall into place" once I reach my goal weight. However, I keep on hearing/reading about how a person gained more friendships and received a lot more positive attention from others after losing the weight.
Often times, I catch myself having thoughts such as "I would finally get Mr. Right if only I lose 30 pounds", or "I would get invited to more social events if only I was 15 pounds smaller and looked the way I did in my 20s." People say that it's about self-confidence, but I beg to differ. I think most people are vain and good-looking (translation: thin) people have a better chance at getting promoted at a job, being invited to social events by others, and having a much better dating pool. There have been social experiments about how people who physically look better get better treatment than those who don't.
I want to know if you are emotionally happy or do you still have your "head issues" once you lose the weight.
09-05-2011, 04:05 AM
I guess my answer would be that the experience is one of perspective, and therefore different for everyone.
I am still quite far from my goal weight; and though you (OP) and I are the same height, I am well above your starting weight. But I feel like my life HAS changed dramatically for the better after losing 90 lbs. My weight loss is very obvious to others, and the encouragement and congratulations and positive attention I've received for the weight loss is overwhelming. Yet that's the small change in all of this. The way I feel, both physically and emotionally, is radically different. My confidence is through the roof. It's probably a normal level of confidence by the usual standards, but I can't overstate how different it is for me. I don't feel like I stick out anymore. I don't feel like "the fat girl" in any given situation anymore (even though I'm still obese!). I don't feel like I want to hide away anymore. I can - and DO - do so much more than I used to. I just mentioned in another thread how I danced the night away at a club this weekend - and I'm talking sweaty, wet hair in a ponytail, dancing until 5am, and having an absolute blast - which is something I never would have done before. I was much, much too self-conscious, and I wouldn't have had the energy anyway.
The changes I was hoping for with my weight loss were just different, I think. I wasn't looking for a different dating pool (I'm married), or hoping to be invited to more social events (I'm kind of an introvert :)), or hoping I'd be promoted more often (my work stands on its own, I believe). More than anything, I just wanted to feel better about myself - to not be so embarrassed about my appearance and self-conscious all the time, to just LIVE and enjoy life the way others seem to. The way I hadn't for a long, long time. I've achieved that with my weight loss, and even though I still have a long way to go I am very happy.
09-05-2011, 04:54 AM
Since I'm a bit thinner I can talk to new people easier, I feel good about myself and I don't feel the need of other people validating what I say or do. On the other hand I feel I deserve more from my friends, my family, my relationships. I don't know why but I have this feeling they don't really appreciate me. Maybe because I felt so unworthy and negative all these years they started to feel the same? It's weird. I just want to be alone. Not alone per se, but without these people that make me feel like I felt before.
Confidence really helps in social situations for me. Didn't have any confidence before. It's nice to talk to someone without stressing on how I look, what I'll say, how I'll say it.. Its just easier.. But I didn't gain any new social circles or bffs. I just didn't sweat and feel awkward while talking to people I don't know.
I do sometimes feel that thin, good-looking people have privileges but I got my job overweight thanks to my hard work, my portfolio and interview. There were skinnier girls in the top 3 with me but I got it.. So I'm thinking that's not always true but who knows..
I think people who are confident just have something that attracts others to them. That's why they get more social action. I don't think it has anything to do with being thin.
09-05-2011, 06:59 AM
I agree that it's a bit much to expect everything to fall into place just because one loses weight. And if it's not a big amount of weight, it's even less likely to do that. BUT, having said that, I think the change in one's mindset does affect those things.
- You feel better, and that shows in how you behave around others. You can do things like take the stairs and not feel like the end is near. You can go for a walk. You sleep better, and because you're more rested, you have more energy. Your knees, feet, and back hurt less. You have less indigestion.
- You buy new clothes, and so you look better. I hung onto old baggy clothes for way too long while I was overweight, because they fit. New clothes really can make a difference at any size, but especially when you HAVE to move on to a smaller size.
- If you feel better about yourself, you tend to feel better about everything and react in a more positive way. You aren't afraid to meet new people. You lose some of the self-centered worries about what others think.
On the other side of it, I have seen way too many people on 3FC who are never satisfied. They get to their goal weight and decide they have to go lower. They fret over every half-pound change upward on the scale and every morsel they put into their mouths. It starts to seem rather disordered... I'm wondering if some of those people thought losing weight would be the answer to all life's problems. When they find out it's not, their thinking makes them want to lose more, as though maybe they just didn't make the magic number.
So I would say, let weight loss do what it does for you, and try not to have secret expectations about romance and friendship, job success, perfect family life, etc.
09-05-2011, 08:04 AM
Yes and no.
Here's what changed for me so far:
- More confidence in my appearance, finding more enjoyment in clothes shopping etc
- Not worrying as much if I stick out in a crowd
- More energy, not just to do things physically but I feel I'm doing better at work because I have more energy to be better organized etc
- Smaller food bills.
- Learning to deal with emotional issues WITHOUT food. That's not always the easiest thing in the world!
That being said weight loss doesn't change your personality, it doesn't change your hobbies and interests (well, unless you pick up a new sport or something). And relationships? Well, I met DH at my heaviest prepregnancy weight AND he was a very handsome guy at a healthy BMI (at that time) so weight didn't play a role there at all.
If you want to drastically change things about your life you certainly can do that at the same time you are losing weight but that might take a greater extent of introspection and consciously changing habits.
09-05-2011, 08:10 AM
Since I have lost weight people invite me out more and talk to me more. Guys also approach me more. I'm not sure if I'm really ok with the guys approaching me because it makes me want to give them the middle finger if i think they would not speak to me even friendly when i was larger. The same goes for these people inviting me out more too. I remember one person in this little clique implying because i was fat (this is before the weight loss) that I'd be lazy and not doing anything with myself. After I lose some weight this clique starts inviting me out more. I didn't really hang out with them or at least the one that said that statement. I don't know whether its because my weight changed or whether my confidence about not putting up with people is what makes people really want to approach me now.
09-05-2011, 08:15 AM
Everything good happened to me before I lost weight. Losing weight is really just the icing on the cake. I met my fiancee, got my degrees and got hired as a teacher at heavier weights.
I never let my weight stop me from doing what I wanted to do. All that really changed about me since I've been losing weight is that I can shop in more places now.
09-05-2011, 08:18 AM
I think it is much more about the self confidence than you are willing to admit. People who feel good about themselves are more attractive in the truest sense of the word, they attract others to them.
In my experience, it's not about being a certain small size - I have a weight where in the past, I felt happy and really good about myself, and I was definitely more outgoing and attracted a lot of attention. But that put me in a size 14, and I weighed more than your starting weight even adjusting for a height differential. It was definitely about the way I felt about myself and not some arbitrary standard of thinness.
Yes, I'm sure that there are some people who judge anyone who is overweight. But for the most part, what you put out there into the world is what people perceive and a positive outlook evokes a positive response. That's regardless of size - I know people who are slim and physically good looking by any objective standard yet they still are not "attractive" in the sense of people being drawn to them because they are not happy about themselves and not much fun to be around.
09-05-2011, 08:39 AM
I wouldn't say "drastically" changed. But changed, yes.
I've always been a gregarious, outgoing person, always gotten attention because I'm an "out there" kinda broad. Even during my fattest, at 192, I was the center of attention in many situations. Been like that since I was old enough to walk & talk.
Losing weight won't make me anything, really. Except thinner, and pretty much healthier. But hey, I'll take thin & healthy any day of the week over fat & unhealthy. :D :cb:
09-05-2011, 09:45 AM
My thoughts and experience: I lost 127lbs back in '07-'08, and for a decade before that I had believed that this would be better, or that would be better, "...if I just lose this weight."
I found so many things EASIER when I was slim - but life itself had a lot more curve balls to throw me. Not worrying about the SAME issues as I had when I was much larger made everything easier, for sure... EVERYTHING. Getting in and out of seats, shopping... LIVING. Easier, yes - perfect? No.
Even though I became a more self-confident, happier, fitter person, my marriage still fell apart and life still went on throwing at me all sorts of surprises I wasn't really prepared to handle. I had truly believed that when I got to goal, my life would be marvelous. At 12lbs from goal, as life fell apart, I panicked. And reverted to eating. After all, all that weighing and measuring, all that running and lifting, hadn't 'fixed' my life at all, so why bother? :rolleyes:
Why bother? Because here I am, up 70-something pounds and losing again... this time because I can remember how much EASIER everything really, really WAS when I wasn't fretting every single day about my weight, my size, my butt. Life is still going to throw surprises, but learning that being 'thin' doesn't "solve everything" but rather makes other things easier makes the weighing, running, lifting worthwhile. Waking up and not hating myself for the body I am in is the biggest motivation.
Because I'll feel better, look better, sure... and have OTHER things to fret and worry about. :)
09-05-2011, 10:40 AM
My life changed for the better once I started believing I was capable and working towards making the changes that I wanted to make.
Did my weight loss journey teach me some important things that helped make this possible? Yes. I've learned how to set goals and actively work toward achieving them, I've learned how much power I have to change things that aren't working in my life, I've learned that I'm capable of a lot more than I used to give myself credit for, I've learned how to have determination and the perseverence to keep going when things get rough.
So weight loss has played a role, but it has very little to do with the way I look. I am literally living my dream and loving life, but I credit it so much more to the internal changes rather than the physical ones.
09-05-2011, 01:24 PM
My life did not become perfect when I reached goal weight, but there were significant benefits:
* Increased energy - I noticed this as soon as I started eating healthy, whole foods, no more drowsy afternoons falling asleep in my office
* More confidence
* Loving pictures of myself - this might seem small, but I went 10 years avoiding all cameras. I kick myself for the moments that I deliberately avoided recording, would love to have more pics with my family during that time
* Clothes - wonderful, amazing clothes.
That being said, I am still the same person as I was. Nothing mystical happened when I hit goal weight to make my life a fairy wonderland of magic and delight. It's still life, with all the stresses and joys - at any weight.
09-05-2011, 03:45 PM
I am pretty close to goal, which was my regular adult weight, prior to kids.
I think some thing schange...confidence, feeling sexy with significant other, more energy to chase my kids and have fun.
But my life was GOOD, even while heavy. I don't think losing weight will fundamentally change your life for the better, in terms of life, love, jobs. It seems that people who were mostly happy, even while chubby (LOL), are still happy after losing weight. Fat can certainly hinder things, but it is not the root of all problems, nor is the cure just about losing it!
09-05-2011, 04:54 PM
I go with "yes and no."
I was a fat kid growing up before fat kids were common, and I have to admit it scarred me for life. As an adult, I've been both thin and overweight. Life is easier when I'm thin, but I still have plenty of issues then.
But seriously, all in all I can't complain. I feel I've had an extraordinarily lucky life, both when I've been thin and heavy.
09-05-2011, 08:42 PM
Coming off of "super-morbid obesity" I would have to say H*LL YES!!! life is 100% better now that I'm thin. Though, I am talking all physical aspects of good health and mobility. It still amazes me what I can do now that I couldn't even imagine at 333 pounds. My social life is better simply because I get out now. When I was fat I was so ashamed of myself I rarely left the house, now I go where ever and when ever I want and I'm confident in my appearance. So yea, life is good, really good.
09-05-2011, 08:50 PM
The way I feel about myself has changed drastically. I feel so much more alive!
09-06-2011, 09:51 AM
Studies actually have shown that more attractive (e.g. thinner) people are more likely to get hired for jobs, promoted, etc. So it's not completely unrealistic to think more career opportunities may present themselves if you lose weight.
That said, being thinner definitely improves some things in my life. My sex life with my Hubby, for example. But, like other posters, I feel these improvements are probably a direct result of my increased confidence.
I am not a "hottie" by any stretch, but I have noticed more men looking at me in places like the supermarket. I am pretty sure this is simply because I am carrying myself with more confidence and I'm wearing closer-fitting clothing (instead of scurrying through the aisles in oversized t-shirts) rather than the fact that I'm skinnier.