Overeaters Anonymous - Newcomer abstinence log




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iwannabeskinny
09-02-2011, 04:56 PM
Okay I had 3 days abstinence there..and bam! what did I do? I binged..again.

I had almost 1 litre of low calorie tonic water, 2 apples and one mandarin orange. It wasn't as "bad" as other binges but it is STILL a binge nonetheless. I was going to say "oh no its not", that is my denial coming through! I am annoyed with myself, I had been doing so well.

I will just have to start again tomorrow.

This is much harder than any "diet" I've ever been on, thats for sure!


Twinsinsept
09-05-2011, 07:02 PM
hi there... I am brand spankin new to OA- 8 days to be exact. Do you have a sponsor? I found a sponsor right away and that has made a world of difference for me. Are apples and oranges on your food plan? What makes them a binge for you? I e-mail my food plan each day to my sponsor and I have to stick by that exactly. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done, yet for the first time in a long time, I have hope. I will NOT screw that up with a binge. I just went and bought a bunch of different flavors of tea bags. My sponsor said that can be my treat. I gave up diet soda, all sweetners, sugar, flour, anything white, all carbs except fruit and caffeine. SO freakin hard. Hang in there- my sponsor said this is the hardest part and then it gets easier.

iwannabeskinny
09-07-2011, 10:27 AM
no of days abstinent:1
yes apples and oranges are on my food plan but I am just craving sugar so much that I've vetoed them out, at least for now.

Well a binge for me is a snack, anything that isn't a meal. I consider abstinence to be 3 meals without snacks. Because one snack just leads to another one etc etc. It was the way I ate the apples and oranges, not just the food itself. I ate very quickly-I make an effort to eat my meals slowly-so I could tell that it was a binge. For me, three pieces of fruit are too many. And I drank almost 1 litre of low calorie tonic water-the volume right there makes it a binge for me. It's low calorie sure but it just is crazy, drinking that much, I'd rather be honest and start over at day 1 than pretend it really is abstinence you know? I used to do that on various diets and it never worked then so it won't work now lol!

I was abstinent yesterday:) I had flavoured water but that doesn't trigger a binge. I prob should cut that out too though cos it did have sweetners in it.. Yep I have chamomile tea and peppermint tea at the moment, berry tea is nice too. Chamomile and berry tea are def good for getting a sugar hit somewhere and I put cinnamon in my oatmeal in the mornings so that satisfies it somewhat!

I don't have a sponsor yet but yes, I would echo that it gets easier after a while, you can really train your taste buds to like *any* food. It's just about habits really.. I had tinned sardines in brine with salad for lunch the other day and I would never have eaten it before..:) thanks for reply x


iwannabeskinny
09-07-2011, 10:29 AM
To-do list today:
-Read step1-3, practice throughout the day
-Use my slogans
-Do incidental exercise
-Do planned exercise
-do food tracker
-Do exercise tracker

iwannabeskinny
09-10-2011, 09:06 AM
Binge Eating Disorder

Step 1: admitting powerlessness over my food addiction B.E.D

That is what I have.

I just want to take a record of this for my own sake here but if this is triggering look away now!! :)


MY TRIGGERS:
Trigger time: night-time (after 6pm), snack times during the day

Trigger feelings: boredom, isolating myself, feeling upset, angry

Trigger places: the kitchen! other peoples's food in the kitchen

Family eating unhealthy. feel ashamed of being bigger. mentality of the "fat kid", don't feel any happier now than when I was big.

no self-respect, no self-esteem whilst fat, not being happy with my physical appearance-dating being a disaster. quest to lose weight

"if i look perfect on the outside, then I'll feel perfect on the inside"

obsessive calorie counting
fad dieting-detoxes, weight watchers, counting points, eating vegetarian stuff etc
undereating to get quick results

sometimes I can't keep myself away from temptation-skipping meals the next day.

obsessed with self-improvement, with fitness, not living my life

"I thought by losing the weight, I'd feel happier but I feel the same"

if weight loss is not the answer, then I don't know what the answer is

Feelings before a binge: anxiety, stress, depression

Feelings upon the first bite: relief "thank god, i feel semi-ok/normal now", euphoria, a high

Feelings as I keep eating: urgh I'm such a pig but since I've started, I might as well continue, feeling like a failure

Feelings afterwards: disappointment "I've let myself down", failure

Trigger foods:

Sugar:
Jam
Peanut butter
jelly including sugar free jelly
Pastries, bread, bagel, rolls
Pasta
Rice
Muesli, most cereals-all bran is okay as it's not nice enough to overeat. weetabix would be a "yellow" food-sometimes its ok, sometimes its not ok
the worst cereal offenders: special k-seems healthy but its not, special k with red berries,
sweetened yoghurts, diet yoghurts
all cakes
ice cream
tinned fruit in juice and syrup with the ice cream
cream
milkshakes
chocolate
sweets
cereal bars including the special k bars..they are the WORST for me. nature valley bars
nutri-grain oats one are terrible too
nutrigrain strawberry or apple or blueberry are a yellow food as they aren't nice enough to binge on, the fruit in them tastes so synthetic
flavoured porridge
flavoured water-volvic touch of fruit
all fizzy drinks
fruit squash
tonic water
alcohol will trigger off a binge. any alcohol. it gives me a false appetite.

Carbs
porridge-yellow
cereal-red
pasta-red
brown rice-red/yellow, not quite sure about that one
couscous-red, too easy to prepare, very quick
sandwiches-all kinds


sushi-yellow. a lot of mayo usually in the filling..dodgy.


Bread alternatives
ryvita-too easy to binge on, it's just THERE, right in front of me. its a yellow food, not nice enough to binge on all the time but i have to be careful around it all the same
ricecakes are a red food, tastes too much like really dry stale popcorn, almost makes me think i am having popcorn
pumpernickel bread-never bought it but i prob would binge on it so it's a red food
anything white is the absolute worst white bread, white pasta

chocolate covered anything is red-chocolate covered apples, toffee apples, hard sweets, werthers originals, penny sweets, jelly babies
chocolate covered brazil nuts

Nuts and seeds
cashew nuts-red
sesame seeds-yellow
pumpkin seeds-yellow
peanuts-red
brazil nuts-red
bombay mix-red

Dairy foods:
cheese is a trigger, way too nice with everything!
natural yoghurt and skimmed milk are ok. skimmed milk is yellow-as long as there aren't any other reds around, then its fine!


ALL dried fruit are red! wayy too sweet

Vegetables
sweetcorn
carrots-yellow, sometimes its ok, sometimes its not
potatoes, chips
parsnips-yellow food
turnips-yellow food, well actually its ok because it takes too long to cook to binge on.
red onion
spring onions
normal onion is okay as it's not sweet enough to keep eating a load of it
beetroot

Fruit
Fruit is not my first go-to binge food but IN THE ABSENCE OF OTHER BINGE FOODS, I will binge on fruit, any fruit that is about
especially:
apples-red, especially pink lady apples as they are very sweet indeed!
not so much bananas as they fill me up too quick. bananas-yellow food
grapes
nectarines
mandarin oranges
plums
kiwis-yellow food, they're not nice enough to eat a whole pile of them
tinned fruit-too easy to eat, just open the can etc


Fried food
any kind of fast food, ready meals, jar of sauces, diet foods make me eat twice as much! same with "low fat" etc etc
baked beans is a trigger
other types of beans prob aren't as they are harder to prepare, have to soak them etc.

Types of food that trigger me:
Fast food-incl any kind of take out
most chinese food
most indian food
tapas
italian food-the pastas, cannelonis, pizzas, roast potato and rosemary with garlic on it

Condiments/Dips/Side Dishes
Too many spices in the house-sometimes dip my finger into the really spicy curry mix I have! That is so disgusting I know yet I do it in desperation
salsa
rosemary sauce
vinegrette dressing
any kind of salad dressing
balsalmic vinegar on its own-if I put it onto vegetables I'm going to roast, then it's fine. it's a yellow
garlic dip
sweet chilli dip
brown sauce
mayo
curry sauce out of the pack-I think if I made my own, and measured it out, it would be okay
dried herbs-the Italian mix is a red one, the single ones are fine. be careful around the rosemary too! the mixes of herbs and spices are the problem!
sour cream
guacomole-yes when its paired with the other dips
I have to be careful with the amount of sauces, even passata and canned tomatoes I use. The more passata/tinned tomato I use on a chilli, the more food I'll add to it
table sugar
tomato ketchup
salad cream
mayonnaise
coleslaw
potato salad
waldorf salad




Food situations in the kitchen
I usually binge on DRY foods, not cooked foods.
Leftovers trigger a binge for me-only make the food I need at each meal
Food lying around the house-fruit bowls in the kitchen omgg!!!
brown bread just lying beside the microwave, tempting me!
knowing that bread is in the freezer and i can just pop it in the toaster

Safe foods:

Green:
I never binge on:
Any green veg-not enough sugar to binge on
natural yoghurt-not nice enough to binge on
fresh herbs and spices
fresh fish
frozen fish
tinned sardines-they're horrible, i barely eat them as it is!
tinned salmon-not nice enough
smoked salmon-not nice enough
prawns-dont really like
plaice-not nice enough
bass-not nice enough
red meat-not nice enough



Yellow:
tinned tuna-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
cold cuts-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
almonds-surprised I haven't binged on them but the high calorie count puts me off bingeing on them. I eat three in the morning so they're fine for now but will keep an eye on it
skimmed milk-if there are red binge foods about, I will use it to binge on
dried herbs and spices-in the absence of red binge foods, I may use these
fresh melon-too hard to cut up
fresh pineapple-too hard to cut up

Trigger foods in a nutshell:
convenience food, so easy to binge on, so easy to prepare
that's why I'd be better off buying the pinhead oats-longer time to prepare, brown rice-longer time to prepare (NOT the uncle bens ones, the other ones!)

tinned fruit
tinned tuna
cold cuts

anything with a high % of sugar and/or salt

iwannabeskinny
09-10-2011, 10:25 AM
Step 1 continued!!

Binge eating is THE MOST COMMON EATING DISORDER in USA!!

-Coping mechanism
-shameful secret
-9, stealing food, not even angry, compulsive overindulgence got worse as I got older
-dont even taste the food
-not even enjoying it
-works hard to HIDE IT-eg in a restaurant
-making food "i have to taste it so i know its good"
-addiction is unstoppable so far
-BAFFLING
-Ordering loads of takeaways/over ordering food, eating it before she leaves the car park
-realised I was *out of control* and *need help*!!!!

-instant/immediate gratification
you want the food NOW!!
don't want to wait for it
loss of control

-it gets worse when you're older, you have more money, freedom, control and opportunity

-"just stop eating that", thats what other people say
-not about feeling good, its about doing something to self-medicate yourself, taking your feelings from a conscious level to a sub-conscious level, not even hungry

-you know you've eaten loads, you know that you'll feel crap afterwards
-loss of self-control
-not any different from alcoholic or drug addict, packaged a lot nicer
-not falling off a bar stool or on a street

-perfectionism
-food is a way to keep anxiety and stress in check

-wanting to live alone so i can eat MORE
-getting looks from people, eating too much
-shame, embarassment afterwards

-spending money on ADDICTION!! money was hemorraging on food!

-night time-time to shut down and relax, the rest of the day is *structured*
-grocery store/restaurant to collect food, and just check out
-wanting to get rid of yourself eventually, feeling suicidal, bottom of the barrel, began planning your own death. yup
the desperation set in

-what stopped you? something silly
putting more value on the animal than yourself

-"this is preventable, just stop eating"
complicated, develops over time

-living problem i try to solve with food
not about food

-plan your day around when you can eat
-it takes over your life

-mental disorder

-binge eaters get criticised and ridiculed "just stop"
anorexics get sympathy because they LOOK thin!
->symptoms of an *eating disorder*, it IS an eating disorder

-eat to the point where you're in distress, secretly
-can't tell the difference between feeling full and being hungry

-i have an illness and its treatable

-abuse->may develop eating disorders
has to be factored in when it comes to treatment

-National Eating Disorders Association in USA

-trigger food is like CRACK to an addict. quickest form
needs to stay AWAY from trigger foods!

"if its there, ill eat it"
-"just one bite away from a binge"

-house FULL of secrets

-bring order to chaotic shopping habits
-bring order to chaotic

-never shops for more than one meal at a time
not a bad idea!
shopping list for 4 days worth of food
-indecision kicks in

-making decisions about the right food

-dont rush or panic over buying food

-keep a SMALL amount in the house

-binge/starve cycle, skipping meals, periods stopped, constant up and down, bingeing, never the same with food

-stick to the shopping list!!!

-dont have too much food in the house!!!

-not having too much choice in the house of what to eat/what not to eat

-learn to live with the dangerous foods, they have to become safe foods..could i do that though??? argh i dont know!! experiment-leave it in the house for a week. even just one thing. my most dangerous food. you can make a choice. YOU'RE in control. stop hiding yourself away and eat normally. cook and eat with someone all the time, don't binge. become less isolated.

-danger foods in the house right now:
special k
bread
tomato ketchup
salad cream
ice cream

-overcoming binge eating. it happens one moment at a time. all you have is the moment. present moment. thats all you have. choosing to eat normally and not eating emotionally. choosing not to binge eat or compulsive eat

-sugar addict
-salt addict

STRESS:
Soothe or solve
-SOLVE!!!
Solve a problem!! use that over and over again!!
its okay, i can do it!!
learn to solve instead of soothe

overeating is soothing

dieting v healthy eating
-restrictive dieting can feed into the cycle of binge eating
binge/restrict- trying to reverse effects of a binge. no point
physically your body is saying eat so it can push you back into a binge phase

in the moment, thats all you have, the choices you make are yours!

types of triggers
smells, sight, touch, thought

MAKE THE CHOICE TODAY TO BE BINGE-FREE
LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH WAYS OTHER THAN FOOD:
->SOLVE RATHER THAN SOOTHE
IT GETS EASIER THE LONGER YOU DO!!
THINK OF THE BAD CONSEQUENCES OF BINGEING EVERY TIME I WANT TO BINGE

Sometimes i still slip up, better now

Not a "normal eater", but can IMPROVE!!

iwannabeskinny
09-10-2011, 10:54 AM
*Willpower v Mentality

Change mentality, beliefs
-mental, spiritual journey

*diet, exercise, entire belief system
*willpower runs out, it fizzles out yet again!
mental shift to move in the right direction-leads to successful weight loss
mindset-work on thoughts and beliefs, thats what works! it wont run out!

*willpower, kind of getting results then reverting back, saying its not worth it
*negative beliefs and thoughts are there and will win out in the long run-change them!!


*Treatment:
1. CBT
-habits
-triggers

2. Interpersonal therapy
-talking about feelings helps you feel better so you dont overeat as much or at all
3. Support groups
-OA, spiritual

-Hiding behind the fat

*journal writing
*swap negative thoughts to positive ones, use during the day -use response cards!! Beck!! LOL! on an index card. boost the positive thinking back up

*aformations
questions
-why am i so happy?
didnt go against negative thoughts

ask a question, your brain automatically searches for an answer to that question. you get answers back

positive questions. it works
not overnight. not a quick fix. way to change your outlook on life

*Top Five Things to Avoid After a Binge

1.Fasting or Purging. This only teaches your brain and your body that it is okay to binge because you will just ‘fix’ it by not eating, or regurgitating it afterward, not to mention the detrimental effects that these actions cause. This also includes exercise-purging, by over exercising.
2.Continuing to Binge Eat. When you binge in the day, don’t just say “Well, my day is ruined anyway, might as well keep bingeing.” It only makes it worse, and you can recover from it
3.Guilt Tripping. You are not a loser, you are not fat, you are not ugly, you are NOT a failure just because you binged. You are human, and you make mistakes. And you learn from them.
4.Not Eating Healthy the Next Day. You need to recover from these binges in a manner of building the habits that will set you up for either weight loss, or just maintaining a healthy weight. When you continue to binge, or not eat, you do not create these habits for a healthy lifestyle.
5.Denial. You binge ate. It happened. Now you have to accept it and learn from it. When you bury your actions under a pile of denial, you are hurting your progress and yourself in the future. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but take this experience for next time to help restrain yourself from doing it again. You are strong.

"lose myself in food"

-trying to find myself

-it gets progressively worse as time goes on

-what was your turning point??

-it comes down to wanting control in your life.
you think you can control your life
feeling paralysed and out of control in other areas of my life
we DO have control of other areas of our lives-get rid of that victim role
you DO have a lot of control over the QUALITY of your life!!

-ditch the diet
-baby steps again
-give yourself credit

-ending depression after binge eating

-all or nothing thinking..wanting recovery NOW! ending up back at square one
little habits, bit by bit!!!

-it creeps back up
-struggling, slip, hard patch-sets the stage to go straight back to binge eating

-daily thing. "i know i'm not perfect but each day i can try to do better". measure success not all or nothing but just OVERALL progress!! small decisions that count that accumulate that will overcome binge eating and skill set to approach life differently

-process of learning what works and what doesn't

-clean out cupboard, dont keep binge foods around, its like crack

-inhaling the food->enjoy the food instead!!

-wouldnt realise the food would be gone til my hand hit the bottom of the bag

-reintroduce "danger" foods one by one..see if i can!!

-attached?
be PRESENT!
Dont deprive yourself

iwannabeskinny
09-11-2011, 09:24 PM
"if it's to be, it's up to me"

"if i dont do it, no one else will"

I've always seen that as a problem but why is it a problem?
I have the capability to do it so why the problem?
Fear of responsibility?
It's not this scary thing, it's actually really good because you feel happier the more things you do in life. So it may SEEM daunting but it's actually a really good thing.
And I may be afraid of things but I have no real reason to be. I have the capability and I can handle situations.

People came to me for advice BECAUSE i am smart. I am not perfect and I am okay with that. However, I am an intelligent, attractive young girl.
No one is perfect so why would I be perfect? I have so many good points that far outweight my negative ones and I can work on rectifying the bad ones too. I don't need to be in control of everything, I can just control what I can and leave the rest. Works for me!!

I CAN trust myself. Part of Step 2 involves trusting my Higher Power but my Higher Power for me includes my own intuition and trusting myself as well as God of my understanding. Okay, I am at step 2 and step 3. Okay cool lets get this show on the road!!!! haha!