I feel like i've turned into Punxsutawney Phil. On Groundhog Day, I will emerge from my burrow with a svelte new figure. I have gone into hiding since gaining all of this weight. I have always been somewhat shy and uncomfortable in crowds. However, these last few years, it's turned into something much more.
I already wrote a post about avoiding loved ones or old friends who knew the thin me, because I am embarrassed for them to see the fat me. In truth, sometimes I have a hard time leaving my home at all because I hate how I look. My husband thinks I have agoraphobia. However, if there is such a thing as weight related agoraphobia, that is more accurate.
I know that if/when I lose weight my fear of social situations will decrease dramatically and I will be as social as I was before. I keep thinking that I will diet and exercise out of sight and emerge from my cocoon as a beautiful butterfly.
The thing is, I know I need to live for who I am today, not who I might be tomorrow. Life is passing me by while I dream of being thin.
I'm so right there with you sister! Welcome to the looney bin, I guess! : If not for work, I'd never leave the house.
I posted somewhere too.... there was a time when the neighbors thought my husband was a divorced dad, because they never saw me! I'd try my very hardest to not be seen. Since I always work odd hours, it's not too hard, coming and going when people are inside. I'd even stack my groceries in the back seat instead of the trunk so when I got home I could pull in to the garage and close the door. Otherwise, I'd have to unload the stuff from the trunk before I could close the garage door (big car, small garage).
I admit, it got worse. The more I was able to isolate myself, the more I did it. As I began shedding weight, I began emerging more. But when the weight started creeping back on, I creeped back in again. Pound by pound, I'm getting more comfortable again.
So glad to know that I am not alone in my struggles! I feel like I am slipping of the wagon and the pounds are creeping back up. Need to get motivated again!
It's hard when you didn't always have this weight and you have to see old friends/family. You know what, though? If they really are your friends then THEY WON'T CARE! I've ran into friends who have gained some pounds and it never bother me. I was always way too excited to see them and catch up on their lives! I'm guessing your friends and family probably miss you a lot.
Besides, it looks like you've lost a good chunk of weight so far. I'm guessing with the right clothes/hair/make-up people probably wouldn't even notice that much.
I would caution you from pinning up too much how on having the perfect body image once you lose your weight. What if you don't like how you aged? What if you are never thin enough for yourself? It's good to work on these issues NOW.
Could you possible see a therapist for your agoraphobia? Some therapists might even let you email/call them at first if it's really affecting you.
I just wanted to let you know that there is so much that you can do with your life even if you're not at your ideal weight. Most people don't even notice. Why not try some baby steps to get yourself out of the house more. Try and plan activities that are really fun but low pressure for you. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.
ETA: I forgot to mention that I've had some of these issues myself. I always cringed when I saw friends of mine I hadn't seen for awhile at my highest weight. I didn't even go to my HS reunion (well, couldn't afford it either but maybe if I would've bothered to plan ahead). I'm working on getting over these issues and I even make sure to post pictures of myself on FB now, something I wouldn't do before (granted I make sure I look nice in the pictures ).
Last edited by runningfromfat; 09-02-2011 at 07:18 PM.
Im right there with you guys in fact as Im typing this I am pretending to be out of town to avoid a family get together.
I know Im missing out on a lot of fun but Im ashamed of myself. I feel like Im wasting my life away waiting to be thin enough to go out in public again and that ridiculous but here I am hiding, again.
Last edited by rukiddingme; 09-03-2011 at 04:56 PM.
Reason: typo
runningfromfat - thanks for the reply. I think the problem is that is matters to me - even if others would only be glad for my company and not judge. I have been looking into therapists and might take that step...still undecided.
rukiddingme - your post makes me want to cry because I can so relate to it! If I had a dime for every stupid excuse/lie I have told to get out of going to events I would be a rich woman. I have missed class reunions, family reunions, weddings, birthday parties, amusement park outings, pool outings, boat outings, dinners.... I usually use illness as an excuse - people must think I am at death's door! The truth is I am heart sick and sick in the head!
You are so not alone - I'm definitely hiding... and had even been hiding here on 3FC! I am also in a holding pattern "until I lose the weight". I KNOW it's a terrible way to live and I would tell a close friend to NOT live this way - life is too short! - but here I am. *sigh*
Guac, judging from your threads, I feel as though you're me. It's eerie. Do I have a split personality, posting as guacamole?
I, too, have thought of the word agoraphobia to describe my feelings of the last few years, when I suddenly piled on 30 pounds. I see this as a temporary state, but unfortunately my body has gotten used to being in the 160s.
How I long to lose this weight. It's really an albatross, affecting my life.
Oh I can relate!!! Last year I joined WW and was doing great! I had lost 24 pounds and two sizes and felt great. I "talked up" WW to anyone who would listen. This included my Aunt and a cousin who started WW online.
They both did and are doing great! Me? Shortly after I had lost all this weight, I had some medical issues that prevented me from doing ANY exercise for almost a year, and I gained every pound, plus a little more, back!
We are supposed to go back to see everyone for Thanksgiving and I just hate the thought of family/friends wondering "what happened"?
Now the weird thing is, I know they know about my medical problems and how tough it was. And yes, they are family and will understand. But my neurotic self will be hoping for a major snowstorm that might keep us from getting there so I won't see "the looks"!
I am right there too. As much as I am starving (no pun intended) for adult interaction, and think it would help with my weight loss, I am a hermit in my own home and feeding my loneliness.
I wish us both the luck and strength we need to move forward.
Hiding Out
: If not for work, I'd never leave the house. 
I KNOW it's a terrible way to live and I would tell a close friend to NOT live this way - life is too short! - but here I am. *sigh*
will be hoping for a major snowstorm that might keep us from getting there so I won't see "the looks"!
