Weight Loss Support - Have you become self-involved?




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Porthardygurl
09-01-2011, 05:03 AM
I was thinking today, about how a lot of my conversations with people through the years have always been about me on another diet..or going to the gym..or changing my appearance or or or ...

I just realized..how much time i have spent talking to others about my weight loss ideas or my weight loss goals or my weight loss woes, or my weight loss stories, or what ive learned about losing weight..In fact, its become such a big topic for me during life..because i became so focussed on it..that it didnt realize that all i was doing was talking about I I I I ...myself!

So that got me wondering..how many of you have gone on a diet and found yourself so self-involved that you even stopped really hearing other people when they talked about themselves?

I dont ask this because im looking for advice on how to change, or im looking for words of wisdom..its personally..more of a revelation that i got about myself recently, and i was just curious as to how many other dieters out there have been in that exact same boat..and how many of you who have..have felt like you have lost a part of your identity that you used to know because it was exchanged for this self-involvement in yourself and dieting and exercise and trying to make yourself look better..?


JayEll
09-01-2011, 07:10 AM
I talk about dieting, weight loss, weight gain, exercise, etc. only with my SO, and not very much. Right now I have some friends who are also on the program I'm on, so we talk about it more. But I've never considered that anyone except me would be interested in hearing about it. It's just not that important in the big scheme of things, and I'd rather not have my weight be a topic of conversation or focus of attention. So if by "self-involved," you mean talking about my weight a lot, I guess I don't qualify. :)

Jay

sacha
09-01-2011, 07:52 AM
I know you are a mom... I think, sometimes we put so much effort into others (our partners, our babies) that we forget that it's okay to be "self-involved" some extent! :) It's okay to talk about yourself, to care about yourself, to not make others the focus at all times.

I was like that very much in the beginning of my journey, and that's okay. Truthfully, I don't think anyone can get to maintenance without having some level of being "self-absorbed" because we need to care about ourselves before we can care for others to our best ability!!! :)


zoodoo613
09-01-2011, 07:57 AM
I think a lot of people do this, and not just about weight loss. My mom is always talking about weight. Or work. One friend it's always money woes. Another her divorce, or the latest injustice of her ex-husband. And with one, and thankfully she's finally outgrown this, the conversation always rolled around to her period.

I think it's something to be cautious of, in general. I no longer talk about weight loss (except here), because in the past I got to the point where I bored even myself.

sunlover
09-01-2011, 09:04 AM
Yes I find that I do talk about it alot. I guess b/c it is really all I think about. I have been trying to stop myself, b/c Im sure people get tired of hearing about diet and weight loss. It does consume MY life though. And I dont think that is a bad thing. I think it helps me to talk about it b/c it keeps me on plan. So glad I found this site, that way I can talk to people who never get tired of talking about it. =)

twinieten
09-01-2011, 09:24 AM
I guess I have been lately. Seems everyone I work with is on the heavy side, and it seems to be the topic for everyone, but I'm the only one doing anything at the moment. The rest are just talking about how they should.

I don't usually talk about stuff like this, though. I've always kept certain things to myself because if I fail, the less people who know, the better! I don't usually announce starting something, but will address comments as necessary, like when they question why I don't eat a cookie, or if they notice my shrinking figure.

My Bodybugg brought up the topic lately, wanting to know what's on my arm, and I'd usually conclude with "I'll let you know how it works out". Now that everyone knows I have it, we haven't talked about it much, or my weight loss efforts. I'm sure my diet and weight loss goals will come up again once I lose a noticeable amount of weight, and then it will fizzle out again.

Rana
09-01-2011, 11:49 AM
No, I hate to talk to others about it. But I know that a huge portion of my daily thoughts are around weight and weight loss and nutrition and exercise. I know I think about it less things today than I did 2 years ago when I was starting this journey... but a lot more than when I wasn't thinking about my weight at all!!!

April Snow
09-01-2011, 12:30 PM
I use 3FC to get it out of my system and "talk" about it here A LOT. So in my real life, I don't talk that much about it.

I will discuss it if someone asks and tell them about the plan I'm doing if they want to know, or I might discuss physical activities. Not really exercise, although I might mention if I bought a new work out program for the Wii or something like that, but it's mostly talk about going hiking or some other outdoor activity.

Gabe
09-01-2011, 12:40 PM
Oh, I talk about it constantly. That's why joined here; I figured it'd give me an outlet, and I'd stop bugging my friends quite so much about this.

Yeah. Right. I talk here, and I talk in real life. "Hey, I went swimming today, and then I went for a two mile walk, and I had Boston Market for dinner, but it was totally within my calorie limit, because I didn't have the cornbread. . ."

That probably gets pretty old for a while. The thing is, though, losing weight and getting fit are the most important things that I'm doing in my life right now, so they necessarily take up a large amount of my headspace. My friends and family understand that, so they're forgiving of my babbling.

The one thing that I refuse to do, however, is talk about what I can't have. People used to do that at my old job; they'd go on Weight Watchers, and talk constantly about points and about how something they wanted had a lot of points, and how they can't believe that (insert fast food item here) is so many points! It's like, jeez, I'm not watching my weight at all, and I know it isn't good for me. I didn't need points to tell me that.

That bugged me. It's so negative! I'd rather focus on what I can do now that I couldn't do before. So. . .yeah, totally more self-involved about it. But if it saves my life, then I'll live with it.

kaplods
09-01-2011, 12:54 PM
Self-involvement is what always tore me away from dieting. I was taught to put almost everyone's needs above mine (and also, unfortunately to resent it).

I find it difficult to give myself the appropriate amount of attention. In the past, to lose weight, I had to give up on everything else in my life. The hunger was such a formidable foe, that it took every ounce of my strength and attention to battle it (especially since I didn't consider it a successful battle unless I was losing weight quite rapidly).

I would get sick of weight loss being my only priority, and my reaction wasn't to step back, it was to quit (I only knew how to devote 100% to weight loss. I didn't know how, and didn't think it possible to devote only 50% to it).

This time I started "backwards" I made very small, gradule changes so that I didn't have to sacrifice everthing else.

And yet I still do struggle between too much and too little (which mirrors my food choices and pretty much all of the choices in my life as well -always too little or too much, never "just right.")

I don't stress about it too much, because I don't think any of us get it right. We all juggle with our priorities and sometimes drop a ball or too, or let our priorities slip and rearrange.

Amberkkski
09-01-2011, 01:07 PM
I dont mean to do it but it just happens people will ask what im doing and ill say just got back fromt he gym or going to the gym blah blah and if we go out to eat i start talking about needing to find someting healthy on the menu so i think i do talk alot about it but not on purpose like you said it just becomes a huge part of your life its like if you have kids or a new bf thats all you talk about

Ryler832
09-01-2011, 01:09 PM
I don't talk about it much except to my best friend because we are both trying to achieve the same goals. A lot of my other friends are heavier than I am and talking about weight loss and weight issues to them may be insulting to them so I don't bring it up unless they do. I usually avoid the weight and diet conversations because they keep telling me to stop losing weight.

ennay
09-01-2011, 01:15 PM
Sometimes in order to reach goals you have to be a bit self-involved and there is nothing wrong with that to a point. Do you know how much time runners spend talking about running? Or mothers about babies?

Eventually as you become in a place where it is your new normal you wont talk about it as much. It isnt self involved as much as it is a technique to maintain focus. It is ok for the people in your life to know that this is what is important to you right now. I would rather talk weightloss with excitement than listen to someone whine about weight while they eat french fries.

Laneyy
09-01-2011, 01:16 PM
I think everyone does this, no matter what the subject. If it's on your mind, you're going to talk about it, whether other people want to hear about it or not.

I do talk a lot about my weight, but not as much as I did at the beginning of my journey. It's become a way of life for me, not something that I'm doing for a quick fix. Right now I'm mostly talking about guys I'm seeing or how Sprint won't fix their towers in my area.

If you find people getting annoyed with it, tell them that it's really important to you and you can't help it because you're so excited. You know it's true :P

H82Sweat
09-01-2011, 01:46 PM
If it weren't for the fact that I am a wife and mother and grandmother and dog rescuer, this diet and fitness change would totally consume my life. Seriously.

As it is I know I bore my poor husband to tears with talking about it, but he's a really great guy and he always engages in the discussion and never makes me feel bad about talking it all over. Very supportive, which is something we all need, imo, to be successful.

Is it self involved? I suppose so. But part of the reason I got heavy in the first place was putting myself a far distant 3rd. So I am going to be somewhat self indulgent until I get this new way of living and being so ingrained it is second nature.

tuende
09-01-2011, 02:05 PM
I almost never talk about my weight or weight loss "in real life" ;) unless someone else directly asks me about it. People obviously know I've lost weight and sometimes will comment on my food choices/gym habits, but I don't make a big production out of it- I just do what I do. I have a friend who is vaguely trying to lose weight and likes to use me as a sounding board- which I'm totally fine with- but she talks about it a LOT. Sometimes she'll ask me questions and I'll answer them, but I really just think she wants someone who isn't going to judge to listen to her. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't engage more or share more of my journey with her, but weight loss was such a painful subject for me for so long and my MO is definitely avoidance! Somehow it's different here with you Chicks, though :).

I will say that I do spend a lot of time thinking about weight loss, planning/preparing food, going to the gym, logging on here, etc. While I don't know I'd call this self-absorbed, doing this does take time, focus and a lot of energy. But I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing!

Mimzzy
09-01-2011, 02:21 PM
My friends are also all trying to lose weight, so this topic does tend to come up in our conversations a lot. Sometimes, i think that is all we talk about! I don't consider it self - involved though, I listen to there tips, tricks and frustrations and they listen to mine equally.

Although I may talk to my boyfriend about it and little more then he would like. Then again he mostly hears about my frustration with the scale not moving, my bloating or even how much salt I think was in my dinner lol

I guess I have become more self involved.

cherrypie
09-01-2011, 02:28 PM
if you look around it's not just us. Weight loss is a big topic in our society. It's on the news, on the talk shows, on the cover of every magazine.

MariaMaria
09-01-2011, 02:47 PM
I use 3FC to get the weight talk out of my system.

I just do not find it interesting to hear what anyone else eats (either here or IRL) and I can't imagine anything less interesting than hearing a friend tell me that she ate vegetables and a grilled chicken breast (or packets and half the farmers market in the blender) today. Again. Just like every other day for the past three, six, twelve, whatever, months.

I talk running with other runners, but I've learned that people who do not run (which is most of my IRL world) have no interest whatsoever at best, and often are turned off and feel defensive because it's not something they do.

djs06
09-01-2011, 05:37 PM
I have the opposite experience- I've always felt pretty uncomfortable talking about myself. I'm just not a very open person. I don't know that I'd say that most of my conversations with people are about them, but I definitely am more of a listener than a talker. It does bother me sometimes, but not usually. I think a lot of it goes back to low self esteem and not feeling like I really have anything important or significant to say. But most of it is more my communication style and how I relate to people. So who knows, maybe that'll improve as I lose weight. I'd like for it to.

I HAVE noticed with friends who have lost weight or are in the process of losing weight, they often become more "self involved." I think it's because they are more confident and happy with themselves and feel more open in their relationships with people.

GlamourGirl827
09-04-2011, 11:49 PM
Self-involvement is what always tore me away from dieting. I was taught to put almost everyone's needs above mine (and also, unfortunately to resent it).

I find it difficult to give myself the appropriate amount of attention. In the past, to lose weight, I had to give up on everything else in my life. The hunger was such a formidable foe, that it took every ounce of my strength and attention to battle it (especially since I didn't consider it a successful battle unless I was losing weight quite rapidly).

I would get sick of weight loss being my only priority, and my reaction wasn't to step back, it was to quit (I only knew how to devote 100% to weight loss. I didn't know how, and didn't think it possible to devote only 50% to it).

This time I started "backwards" I made very small, gradule changes so that I didn't have to sacrifice everthing else.

And yet I still do struggle between too much and too little (which mirrors my food choices and pretty much all of the choices in my life as well -always too little or too much, never "just right.")

I don't stress about it too much, because I don't think any of us get it right. We all juggle with our priorities and sometimes drop a ball or too, or let our priorities slip and rearrange.

I love your posts. They are so insightful :). This one is so true. I went through the same thing until I finally saw the light. And I am grateful that it finally clicked. I am struggling with, but slowly learning that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

lin43
09-05-2011, 08:47 AM
I think it's easy to fall into this type of mentality. In fact, I think our society is a "me-focused" society, and it's difficult not to fall into a selfish pattern. I make a special effort not to bring "me" into every conversation I have with someone. I really focus on what the other person is saying and try to discuss the subject that he/she is talking about. I try to show interest in that person (and I'm not faking it. I am interested; I just have to make an effort to communicate that interest more overtly).

Also, in terms of weight loss, I really only discuss it at length with my sisters and my mother because they're all interested in that subject. I don't like discussing it with others because I feel that it invites their advice, comments on "how I'm doing," etc., and I don't want that.

liliesinmycereal
09-05-2011, 09:20 AM
I just got into an argument with my boyfriend about this. He feels as though all i think about is my weight loss. It's so true because pretty much everything in my life is based on my becoming healthy through weight loss. I found it funny because he was telling me over and over again before i started my journey about how weight loss would be good for me. He even cheated because of me being fat now that I'm much thinner and he thinks i look alright i should stop focusing on my weight. F*ck you! Sigh... i just needed to vent. I'm not stopping my weight loss until I reach my goal forget what he wants.

GlamourGirl827
09-05-2011, 10:09 AM
Lin43, a lot of people say we are in a me focused society but I think this phrase is thrown around and people don't really go into what it means. I once heard someone say it in reference to divorce rates, that people are only concerned about their own happiness and leave marriages. For that reason. I have no idea if that has any truth to it, but I must say compared to 70 years ago where people, namely women, but I'm sure men too, stayed in abusive or very unhappy marriages that were very detrimental to that person's well-being, I'd say in some ways worrying about one's self happiness is important. Also do you have kids? Because NOTHING makes an individual less me focused that kids. People need to be me focused to a degree, because I can tell you putting yourself last all the time and having no focus on yourself is not mentally healthy, or physically healthy.
When I was younger and was not married or had no kids and had plenty of me time, whether it was to read, walk around the mall, or just take a shower when I wanted to, I would have agreed that this is a me focused society. Now that I can't even poop without being interrupted, I can't disagree more.
I think weightloss is a challenge and an achievement, and some of us talk about it a lot because maybe it's the only thing we are doing in our lives right now that IS about us. we should still be careful to notice when someone's eye glaze over while we talk and maybe stop before it gets to that point lol, but don't stop talking to people about it. Or come on here and post your heart out!
Btw took me like 30 mins to type this. Stopped like 20 times because someone in the house needed me for one of their needs. :)

lin43
09-05-2011, 10:37 AM
Lin43, a lot of people say we are in a me focused society but I think this phrase is thrown around and people don't really go into what it means. I once heard someone say it in reference to divorce rates, that people are only concerned about their own happiness and leave marriages. For that reason. I have no idea if that has any truth to it, but I must say compared to 70 years ago where people, namely women, but I'm sure men too, stayed in abusive or very unhappy marriages that were very detrimental to that person's well-being, I'd say in some ways worrying about one's self happiness is important. Also do you have kids? Because NOTHING makes an individual less me focused that kids. People need to be me focused to a degree, because I can tell you putting yourself last all the time and having no focus on yourself is not mentally healthy, or physically healthy.
When I was younger and was not married or had no kids and had plenty of me time, whether it was to read, walk around the mall, or just take a shower when I wanted to, I would have agreed that this is a me focused society. Now that I can't even poop without being interrupted, I can't disagree more.
I think weightloss is a challenge and an achievement, and some of us talk about it a lot because maybe it's the only thing we are doing in our lives right now that IS about us. we should still be careful to notice when someone's eye glaze over while we talk and maybe stop before it gets to that point lol, but don't stop talking to people about it. Or come on here and post your heart out!
Btw took me like 30 mins to type this. Stopped like 20 times because someone in the house needed me for one of their needs. :)

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I do think that the divorce rate is high because people seem to care more about personal fulfillment than working it out with one's spouse. Also, I'm basing my opinion on the advent of Facebook and other social media sites where many feel as if the minutia of their everyday life is interesting enough to post for others to see. Beyond that, people don't seem as considerate of others as they did when I was growing up. It's little, everyday things like the person who talks on her cell phone in line, thereby making the transaction go slower, regardless of the fact that others are waiting. It's all about her and her conversation takes precedence over others waiting in line.

I realize that my opinion is not a popular one, but I see so much confirmation of it in everyday life that it would take a lot to convince me otherwise..

sacha
09-05-2011, 11:27 AM
There is a big difference between having a somewhat narcissistic outlook on life and making "me" a priority.

There are simply far too many exhausted and overweight people in this world who refused to put themselves first, and at the end of the day if you aren't taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others properly.

When you get on a plane, the attendant makes sure to remind you to put YOUR mask on first, before putting on your child's. If you've passed out and have no air, then you can't help your child. IMO, a weight loss journey is like this. If I can't eat healthy and exercise properly for myself, then there's no way in **** I can model this for my child. So I put myself first. That doesn't mean I leave him in a crib to cry when I work out, but it does mean that he can play in his play area while watching me do treadmill intervals, if that's when it can get done. When he was very young and colicky, sometimes I had to skip a workout and that's okay.

We all struggled to balance healthy eating/exercise and other priorities. There's no shame in admitting you might lean too far towards one or the other at times, it's natural. If we all knew how to balance me/them every time, then most of us would not have ended up here in the first place.

I hope that makes sense...

GlamourGirl827
09-05-2011, 01:44 PM
There is a big difference between having a somewhat narcissistic outlook on life and making "me" a priority.

There are simply far too many exhausted and overweight people in this world who refused to put themselves first, and at the end of the day if you aren't taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others properly.

When you get on a plane, the attendant makes sure to remind you to put YOUR mask on first, before putting on your child's. If you've passed out and have no air, then you can't help your child. IMO, a weight loss journey is like this. If I can't eat healthy and exercise properly for myself, then there's no way in **** I can model this for my child. So I put myself first. That doesn't mean I leave him in a crib to cry when I work out, but it does mean that he can play in his play area while watching me do treadmill intervals, if that's when it can get done. When he was very young and colicky, sometimes I had to skip a workout and that's okay.

We all struggled to balance healthy eating/exercise and other priorities. There's no shame in admitting you might lean too far towards one or the other at times, it's natural. If we all knew how to balance me/them every time, then most of us would not have ended up here in the first place.

I hope that makes sense...

Well said! :)