Weight Loss Support - youll never lose weight if you eat that




Amberkkski
08-26-2011, 10:49 AM
Ok so this is a rant!!! I hate when people (family mostly) know when youre eating healthy and trying to lose weight and they think they should tell you what and when and how to eat! My aunt came up yesterday so we had dinner at my grandparents and i had my salad and a piece of chicken parm and some veggie noodles and my mom goes "youll never be a size 8 by next year if you keep eating like this":devil: mind you this was at the table infront of everyone. EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!:o Oh and i forgot when i got there i had maybe 5 flat oreo cracker things and my mom goes dont spoil your dinner with snacking youre not going to lose any weight cheating. Like who are you to tell me??? She made one more comment later on and i finally said "oh and youre the one telling me how to eat?" My moms always been overweight and overfed me and fed me crap growing up, i think thats what bothers me the most youre going to bother me about what im eating but youre big too? I just feel like whenever im doing good someone puts me down or someone is offering me bad food knowing that i cant eat it. i guess my question is does this happen to you and how do you handle it?


PreciousMissy
08-26-2011, 10:55 AM
I don't know what plan you're doing, but I doubt you'd be eating it if it weren't in your plan...especially since you've done so well this far.

Perhaps the next time something is mentioned about your food choices you can simply say, "well, I've done well so far with the choices I've made." or, "If this wasn't allowed in my plan I wouldn't be eating it."

Good luck!!!!!

Loli
08-26-2011, 10:57 AM
I have this same issue with my husband. "You really should use mustard instead of mayonnaise." UGH!

I like PreciousMissy's suggestions though! Think I'll use them!


IsobelRose22
08-26-2011, 11:01 AM
preciousMissy is right, you've lost 29lbs by doing what you're doing. Try to ignore your mum, and if that doesn't work, I'd sit her down and tell her how you feel. I did that with my mum and she's nothing but supportive now, and her suggestions are supportive, positive and helpful. She also no longer brings up my weight loss unless I mention it first, all because I talked to her about it, she had no idea how badly she was making me feel, she thought she was being helpful and encouraging.

Good luck!!

x

zoodoo613
08-26-2011, 11:02 AM
That's really frustrating. My mom always had comments about what I ate, how much I weighed, etc. At some point when I was in college, I finally invoked a bulimic friend and told her to let up and it worked to a certain extent. I still have to not talk to her about weight loss. It's easier now that I only see her every other month or so. She talks about food and her own and other people's weight all the time, and I just give an non-committal response every time. It still bothers me though. Even now, she's noticed I've lost weight, and I just don't want hear it from her, because I know it means she's noticed when I've gained too.

I guess I don't have any concrete advice, except to avoid the topic with her at all costs.

BTW, I grew up in your neck of the woods, Cold Spring, NY.

VirgoChic
08-26-2011, 11:02 AM
Honestly, if I were you I would take the "give it right back to them" attitude, and as soon as she said anything about my eating habits or weight I'd reply "and how is all of your weight loss wisdom working for you? I don't see YOU wearing a size 8 so maybe you don't know what you're talking about" with a smile of course.

IsobelRose22
08-26-2011, 11:08 AM
In my experience, family and friends who act like this fall in to one of two camps. The first one is jealousy, they're the people who want to lose weight or feel like they're being left behind etc, and the other camp is the one where people genuinely feel like they're being helpful and supportive. It might be helpful to find out which camp your mum falls into then decide what to do from there xx

Loli
08-26-2011, 11:12 AM
In my experience, family and friends who act like this fall in to one of two camps. The first one is jealousy, they're the people who want to lose weight or feel like they're being left behind etc, and the other camp is the one where people genuinely feel like they're being helpful and supportive. It might be helpful to find out which camp your mum falls into then decide what to do from there xx

I agree. And I think that my husband is really trying to be supportive......but it's so irritating!

sheshalesha
08-26-2011, 11:15 AM
I agree with everyone. You are doing great and you should keep up the great work.

That being said...

You have to live your life. You will be in situations where you won't be able to eat the 100 calorie steamed chicken and will have to eat what is provided. You make adjustments and move on. Do not let other's opinions get in your way.

My mother and I have always been on a very short fuse. Being honest about your feelings is the best way to approach her. You may even ask that she just not comment of your weight/plan. Bringing up how she taught you to eat will only escalate the issue. Be calm and have your needs clearly outlined. Then after you've had the talk, if she continues to say hurtful things you will have to decide what is more important. Eating at the family gatherings or your well being.

Hope this helps:hug:

berryblondeboys
08-26-2011, 11:18 AM
I think you could educate her too. Like, "losing weight is simply creating a calorie deficit" As long as I eat less than I burn in a day, I'll lose weight. I've accounted for X today, so it's fine."

if she wants to know more explain how this is a lifelong journey and you have to be able to eat how you feel you can maintain for your whole life. So, if you really like mayo on a sandwich, use a bit less and enjoy - especially if mustard doesn't do it for you. if you want to enjoy chicken parmesan, then reduce teh portion size and enjoy, etc.

People just get this idea that you ahve to suffer to lose weight and that is so not true!

Amberkkski
08-26-2011, 11:19 AM
Weve never had the best relationship but it gets better as we both get older so i think the next time we talk im going to try and tell her that it bothers me whens he makes these comments and to just let me do whats worked for me and well see what kind of excuse she comes up with lol :rolleyes:




BTW, I grew up in your neck of the woods, Cold Spring, NY. Oh man! Your were right next to me! Miss it at all over here?

4star
08-26-2011, 11:24 AM
Weve never had the best relationship but it gets better as we both get older so i think the next time we talk im going to try and tell her that it bothers me whens he makes these comments and to just let me do whats worked for me and well see what kind of excuse she comes up with lol :rolleyes:




Oh man! Your were right next to me! Miss it at all over here?

Oops quoted two people instead of the original comment...not real forum savvy....LOL!


If you think she'll make an excuse, you probably aren't going to get her to take accountability for her behavior, much less have her change it. It's best IMO to get your head above it so it doesn't affect you when she or anyone else does that to you. It's best to just tell them "I know exactly what I am supposed to be doing so don't worry your pretty little head over it." :D

Sometimes people make stinging comments and are ignorant to how bad it sounds....I often get comments from a loved one on how tired I look today and if I am feeling well, usually on days when I've gone the extra mile on my appearance. The other day, although I've lost almost 50 lbs, I got to hear how my tummy was sticking out making me look pregnant. You just gotta let those things roll off of you like water on a duck's back.

zoodoo613
08-26-2011, 11:28 AM
Oh man! Your were right next to me! Miss it at all over here?

I get back not too infrequently, as my parents are still there. Pretty area!

Amberkkski
08-26-2011, 11:52 AM
"I know exactly what I am supposed to be doing so don't worry your pretty little head over it." :D.
LOVE THIS!! I agree with shell just blow it off like she wasnt wrong and im just getting too over emotional about it soooo i might just say that instead!


I get back not too infrequently, as my parents are still there. Pretty area!

Very pretty area i havent been over there in a while but i love walking through the little shops and that restaurant by the tracks is delish!

Proatthis
08-26-2011, 12:12 PM
Ya i have this issue kind of. My grandmother is around me a lot lately and she always makes comments on whether or not I can eat this or that and comments on how large my salads are. Lol. She's old and thin and has a very old mentality about weight loss and how to eat well.

It's hard to ignore the comments or to just reply in a polite manner. But I try to just let her know that she shouldn't comment because she has no idea where I am in my program or what I have had that day or what I will have later. If I have planned to have a cheeseburger and/or a splurge it's no ones business. And you are walking proof that you know what your doing if you have already lost weight!

Some people have verbal diareah Lol

Aclai4067
08-26-2011, 12:20 PM
I tend to stick with, "This isn't a temporary diet, it's a lifestyle change. Life has special events and splurges. I incorporate these with an otherwise heathy diet and exercise for a balance I can stick with indefinitely."

4star
08-26-2011, 12:21 PM
LOVE THIS!! I agree with shell just blow it off like she wasnt wrong and im just getting too over emotional about it soooo i might just say that instead!




Be confident in your plan and ability. Their thoughts on what you are eating has NO affect on your actual weight unless you let their comments mess with your head! People are often hurtful when they try to be helpful b/c sometimes tact is just a scarce commodity for people.

carter
08-26-2011, 12:28 PM
I'm lucky that I don't have busybodies in my life who think they are the food police for me.

However, I should think your results speak for themselves. So rely on that.

I don't advocate rudeness, especially to family members, but I think you can very sweetly say "Thanks for your concern, but I have accounted for this sort of thing in my plan - and I've lost 30 pounds so far, so it seems to be working for me!"

April Snow
08-26-2011, 12:37 PM
I go along with the idea of saying "This fits in my plan and I'm very happy with how well my plan is working."

Even if there are underlying mean intentions, you don't have to stoop to that level and make a reply with a nasty attitude.

bellastarr
08-26-2011, 12:49 PM
Mom's can make you feel worse than anyone sometimes. If i'm eating something my mom will go "you are going to be mad at yourself later" or "that's your choice" if i say i am not going to the gym, to which i'll say "why do you have to say that, why does it matter"

another time it was someone's bday and one of my aunts (who is overweight) asked me if i wanted cake by saying " do you want cake , or aren't you allowed to have it?" cause she knew i was on a diet. i wanted to say "listen i'm allowed to have it, i am CHOOSING not to cause i have more willpower than you"

it's hard.....

if you have lost 29 lbs you must be doing something right. keep it up!

Amberkkski
08-26-2011, 12:55 PM
I want to thank everyone whos written on here! Its great to know theres so many who support and have great advice! Its a hard thing to go through and having people who have been there is great. We need to give all moms a kick in the butt hahah

XLMuffnTop
08-26-2011, 12:55 PM
Sorry, I'll be upfront and confess I didn't read all of the responses so I apologize if this is a duplicate but....

I get a little passive aggressive about such remarks. I would most likely say something along the lines of "Really? Seems to be working so far. What plan are YOU on and how much weight have YOU lost?"

I expect those around me to know what's appropriate for conversation and what's not especially if I've already clarified "my food choices, diet and weight are not open for discussion or debate." Sometimes they need a harsh dose of reality and get it back to learn a lesson.

dragonwoman64
08-26-2011, 01:05 PM
Personally, I feel that what I'm eating is pretty much my business. I'm an adult. I can see a loved one saying something if I were stuffing my face with something that might come across as dangerous (confession: I do comment to bf about how much salt he puts on his food!). Or if I asked someone to help me keep on track.

I think you can say to your mom (or whoever) in the moment, "I appreciate your concern, but I feel like I'm handling my diet pretty well." Say that a couple of times, and they'd get the hint I'd think. If you have to be more direct, well, then you can cross that bridge.

I must have missed Carter's response, said better :)

lin43
08-26-2011, 02:42 PM
I know what you mean. My mother doesn't actually make rude comments, but she does come from the old-fashioned, draconian school of dieting that says you can only lose weight by eating a salad w/ fat-free dressing and broiled fish. If I work a treat like ice-cream into my plan and she sees me eating it, she automatically thinks I've "gone off" my "diet" again. However, she lives states away, so I don't have to eat in front of her daily. Besides, I'll let the results speak for themselves. People with old fashioned ideas about dieting are "amazed" when people like us can lose weight and still eat palatable foods.

ahyessophie
08-26-2011, 02:57 PM
Sorry, I'll be upfront and confess I didn't read all of the responses so I apologize if this is a duplicate but....

I get a little passive aggressive about such remarks. I would most likely say something along the lines of "Really? Seems to be working so far. What plan are YOU on and how much weight have YOU lost?"

I expect those around me to know what's appropriate for conversation and what's not especially if I've already clarified "my food choices, diet and weight are not open for discussion or debate." Sometimes they need a harsh dose of reality and get it back to learn a lesson.

I agree - I don't think this is an issue of them not understanding how weight loss works or not understanding your plan...it's an issue of what is an acceptable way to talk to someone. Therefore, I don't think we need to justify our choices because they're "on plan" like some users have suggested. Instead, I think we need to be calling these people out on bad behaviour. I'm not trying to encourage nasty behaviour, but sometimes a scathing comeback is the only thing to put a person being rude like that back into place.

sontaikle
08-26-2011, 03:32 PM
Prove everyone wrong!

My diet is pure calorie counting and nothing is off limits. I eat fast food and eat out and I'm still losing weight (granted the fast food is a rare thing, I can only eat it once in a while) When people make comments I just shrug and say, "I lost 40 pounds, so I think I know what I'm doing." if someone annoys me enough, I might comment "really? How much weight have you lost?" but I save that last one for dire circumstances as it's fairly mean.

carter
08-26-2011, 03:34 PM
I agree - I don't think this is an issue of them not understanding how weight loss works or not understanding your plan...it's an issue of what is an acceptable way to talk to someone. Therefore, I don't think we need to justify our choices because they're "on plan" like some users have suggested. Instead, I think we need to be calling these people out on bad behaviour. I'm not trying to encourage nasty behaviour, but sometimes a scathing comeback is the only thing to put a person being rude like that back into place.

I rarely find that being rude to a rude person causes the rude behavior to cease.

In my experience, responding in kind only escalates rudeness. It doesn't put anyone back into place (what a disturbing metaphor that is anyhow, as if we all have our designated little cubbyholes that we must not stray out of under any circumstances). Rude people come in one of two flavors. In one case, they don't know they are being rude, in which case being rude to them just makes them wonder who pissed in your Cheerios and why you are snapping at them out of nowhere. With such a person, educating them about your plan is actually a much better approach in the long run, don't you think? In the other case they don't care that they are being rude, or are even doing so deliberately to get a rise out of you. In which case, congratulations, you have just given a brat exactly what they were looking for!

Your mileage may differ, and of course each of us is the best judge of how to deal with our family members. But in my book, I'd rather not increase the sum total of nastiness in the world. I'll respond as politely as I can, which will help educate the person who doesn't know, and disarm the person who is looking to cause trouble. A win either way.

XLMuffnTop
08-26-2011, 04:11 PM
In my experience, responding in kind only escalates rudeness. It doesn't put anyone back into place (what a disturbing metaphor that is anyhow, as if we all have our designated little cubbyholes that we must not stray out of under any circumstances). Rude people come in one of two flavors. In one case, they don't know they are being rude, in which case being rude to them just makes them wonder who pissed in your Cheerios and why you are snapping at them out of nowhere. With such a person, educating them about your plan is actually a much better approach in the long run, don't you think? In the other case they don't care that they are being rude, or are even doing so deliberately to get a rise out of you. In which case, congratulations, you have just given a brat exactly what they were looking for!

I don't go for rude. I am completely nice and innocent while I turn the tables on them. This is one of several tactics I will use against these types of people.

That being said, if someone doesn't know they're being rude, they need to learn what it means. I don't need to educate anyone but myself about my plan as it's none of their business. If I have a family member or "friend" who constantly tries to get a rise out or me or be deliberately rude after several warnings and reprimands, I don't have dealings with them. Is this harsh? Yes. But I've gone through two and a half decades of dealing with various forms of emotional manipulation because I didn't want to sever the relationship; all it got me was depression, weight gain and hair loss. I have very little tolerance for that behavior.

Gale02
08-26-2011, 04:21 PM
For years my go to line has been "Thank you for your opinion, I'll take that into consideration." End of conversation, every single time. :)

Mary79
08-26-2011, 10:23 PM
Carter - I find I almost always agree with your comments! And here is another one.

I also find when someone is particularly rude to just smile - no comment at all. I think the message if very clear that you have nothing to say in response.

4star
08-27-2011, 08:52 AM
We need to give all moms a kick in the butt hahah

Not all Moms. Trust me, having kids already kicked their butts! LOL! Just some Mom's don't know when they are being helpful or hurtful. They try to give advice but it comes across as a personal dig. I fully believe if they knew how offensive they were sounding and how it made the person feel they'd stop. (Of course, they've got huge issues of their own.) It doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself and make your line drawn in the sand clear. Unfortunately, you have to set clear boundaries, even with people who don't intend to be hurtful b/c intentions don't always match actions. Unless a person knows they hurt you, they probably won't stop.

girl81
08-28-2011, 08:41 AM
OP,
One thing I have learned about responding to criticism is that I cannot control the critic, only my reaction to his/her criticism. I try to take a deep breath and be humble; sometimes I might not like what is said or how it is said, but when I am humble I can sometimes see that there is some truth to what is said.
When I humble myself, I become strong enough to see that sometimes an outside perspective can be a benefit to me. I can apply it, or not apply it based on my own discretion. But when I automatically receive their criticism as an insult, I only hurt myself.
Criticism is simply someone else's perspective of how a situation could be better handled. I try to thank them for their thoughts and tell them I will take their words into consideration.

canadianwoman
08-28-2011, 09:36 AM
Ok so this is a rant!!! I hate when people (family mostly) know when youre eating healthy and trying to lose weight and they think they should tell you what and when and how to eat! My aunt came up yesterday so we had dinner at my grandparents and i had my salad and a piece of chicken parm and some veggie noodles and my mom goes "youll never be a size 8 by next year if you keep eating like this":devil: mind you this was at the table infront of everyone. EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!:o Oh and i forgot when i got there i had maybe 5 flat oreo cracker things and my mom goes dont spoil your dinner with snacking youre not going to lose any weight cheating. Like who are you to tell me??? She made one more comment later on and i finally said "oh and youre the one telling me how to eat?" My moms always been overweight and overfed me and fed me crap growing up, i think thats what bothers me the most youre going to bother me about what im eating but youre big too? I just feel like whenever im doing good someone puts me down or someone is offering me bad food knowing that i cant eat it. i guess my question is does this happen to you and how do you handle it?

I would be saying...."Well, I have lost 29 pounds already eating this way and why do I need to be a size 8 by next year? There is no time limit on my weight loss."

That would be my *nice* answer when company was around. When you're alone with your mom you can always tell her something else.

I think what you were eating was quite healthy. Good luck on continued weight loss. :)

FitGirlyGirl
08-28-2011, 11:06 AM
I have had multiple people try to 'help' me with my 'diet'. I have one offender who is the most frequent. During the time that I have lost nearly 80 pounds she has put on what is probably well over 80. I can't know for sure because she lies about her weight and size (not that I ask, she just volunteers info that I know is false). She is constantly telling me about whatever new fad diet she is on and trying to get me to join her. At the beginning, before my weight loss was actually noticeable, I would just tell her that it sounded interesting and that if the plan I was on didn't end up working then maybe I would give it a shot. At this point I simply look down at my body, where my obvious success definitely shows, and tell her that I'm pretty sure what I'm doing works for me, but that I hope her new diet makes her happy.

Blackie
08-28-2011, 02:32 PM
I agree - I don't think this is an issue of them not understanding how weight loss works or not understanding your plan...it's an issue of what is an acceptable way to talk to someone. Therefore, I don't think we need to justify our choices because they're "on plan" like some users have suggested. Instead, I think we need to be calling these people out on bad behaviour. I'm not trying to encourage nasty behaviour, but sometimes a scathing comeback is the only thing to put a person being rude like that back into place.

I agree that the issue is about inappropriate behaviour. I don't like being embarrassed in a group setting and it seems to come down to two scenarios in my family.

1. Outright teasing about portion sizes or expected portion sizes based on previous eating habits. My answer to that one next time is going to be " Really? You might try taking a look at you own plate.". This matches overt rudeness with rudeness. With people who think that kind of comment is ok sometimes rude back at them is the only thing that will work.
2. Comments about my diet, what's healthy, how much i have lost, etc. It could be snarky remarks or just conversation. I have in the past on any personal topic said very directly something like "I am not going to discuss such a personal topic at the dinner table". You could substitute at a family gathering, in front of all these people, etc. It is a truthful comment that puts everyone on notice that the remarks are unwelcome. Normally there are a couple awkward seconds and then someone changes the subject. If the person persists I have said "again, I am not going to discuss this" and then turn away and start speaking to someone else. This has worked well for me and it rarely happens anymore.

Gabe
08-28-2011, 08:42 PM
Oh, yeah. I'm right there with you, OP. I've never had anyone be rude, but I've had people give advice that just. . .you know, grates on me. A little over a month ago, one of my best friends came to visit. She's also in the process of losing weight. She noticed that I don't drink a lot of water, which is half true. I tend towards Diet Coke; however, I also drink a glass of water whenever I go to the bathroom.

She wouldn't stop going on about how I should be drinking more water. I wanted to go, "Well, I've lost, like, fifty pounds since February, so apparently not drinking water's doing just fine!" Instead, I just sort of listened, 'cause that's what friends do. Sigh. But, really, since what you're doing is obviously working for you, just ignore what they say.

Or you could just say, "rude much?" with a thoroughly offended look. That usually works on me :D.

Somni
08-29-2011, 09:28 AM
I have a well-meaning family member that used to often tell me that I can't eat something, because I'm on a diet. And yet at the same time she tried to pressure me hard into splitting desserts in restaurants with her... a lot! I don't have much of a sweet tooth to begin with so 99.9% of the time I could care less about dessert (the bread basket is another story..), but pre-WW I used to split desserts with her because she wanted one.

I really don't get the commentary now. I used to say "Well I've lost X pounds, I must have some idea what I'm doing." And finally that number seemed to be enough that it really silenced the critics.

That and just seeming prepared and well-informed. I went into a restaurant once with her and she told me I should have ordered what she got because it was "low fat and healthy" - I told her I looked up the nutrition before I got there, and actually it had nearly 1700 calories and over 90g of fat. She ate about half, but definitely wasn't expecting to hear that. She looked literally queasy, like she was going to run to the bathroom and purge.

It's just a matter of being poorly informed sometimes. And so many people think losing weight, aka "diet" = deprivation.

I imagine it's harder when the comments come packaged with snark. :(