General chatter - Not very neighborly... (A rant)




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Lovely
08-20-2011, 10:44 PM
Update: Goodness, I keep forgetting I posted this. The note itself has been long taken down. And, in as far as apartments go, this one has stayed fairly quiet over the three years I've lived here. All is well!

(Note: This is mostly just a rant.)

I live in an apartment complex.

For the most part, it's a fine place. Generally quiet, and well kept.

Some of the neighbors have children of various ages. Quite a normal thing. And you can occasionally hear a child or someone stomping about. It doesn't usually last for very long, though, and other than that the soundproofing tends to take care of things.

Overall, a fine place with little to complain about (except when the laundry machines break ;)).

However, this morning I stepped out of my apartment to go shopping, and the neighbor across the hall from us put up a sign. It reads:

"If you're here to complain about the noise, don't bother.
We have a child. We're doing our best.
When you have kids come talk to me.
Until then, enjoy your easy life."

(Their underlining, not mine)

Now, I'm not really sure what happened that this (very recently moved in) neighbor put up a note on their door... but it's so... un-neighborly. It's off-putting, rude sounding, and condescending.

It's on yellow paper... on their front door!

It's not very inviting, nor neighborly. Plus, even if a neighbor did have a problem with the noise, what are they teaching their child? It's okay to make noise in an apartment complex as long as you tell your neighbors to buzz off if they want to complain about it?

I think what I really don't like about it, is that it's right across from my door, and I've tried to make my door inviting looking... but any guests that happen by are sure to have a look and be a little put off.

Like I said, just a rant. Hopefully they'll take the tacky thing off their door soon, and if there is a problem between neighbors they can go through the manager.


sheshalesha
08-20-2011, 11:32 PM
I agree...That is very off putting, and NOT very responsible parenting. And why oh why would they say NOT having kids is an easy life.

I think there are difficulties in everyone's life. Kids or no kids...

Having kids does add a level of stress, but also a massive level of reward.

Maybe they were just having a REALLY bad day. It happens.

Gogirl008
08-20-2011, 11:39 PM
Yeah, I get that. I had a very loud (she was a screamer) child in an apartment and I was so worried about the neighbors. But, luckliy I never had a complaint. If I had I would not have dealt with it like that. Hopefully, they'll get settled and realize it's just one complaint and they don't need to be so defensive about ALL the neighbors. I can imagine it doesn't look too good the rest of the neighbors! I hope they don't think it was you that complained. Do you suppose they assume it was someone on that floor or right nearby? I hope it doesn't get personal. That would be crappy.


sheramama
08-20-2011, 11:49 PM
I'm sorry, I had to laugh at the note. I was going to say who does that and then remembered that when I lived in a 2 level duplex several years ago I put up a sign on the main door of the apt that read something like this:

SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND YOU. IT CUTS ON THE DRAFT COMING INTO OUR PLACE. I'M NOT HERE TO SHUT IT FOR YOU.

kelly315
08-20-2011, 11:53 PM
I've never been under the impression that everyone is kind, polite, or socially apt. But it is fun to make fun of them! There's a whole website for it. You should add yours to it:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/21/can-you-dig-it/

fatferretfanatic
08-21-2011, 12:28 AM
I would probably just assume that though their note was a bit on the rude as heck side, they might be under a mass amount of stress. Not necessarily an excuse, but forgivable. Parenting is hard. I once lived in an apartment complex through student married housing at the college I was living in. Nobody ever had a problem with the noise until someone moved in about 3 months before we left. We got a complaint once about the vacuum being on at 12 in the afternoon, which was hours when reasonable noise was allowed. What were we supposed to do? Not vacuum? After that, we were walking on eggshells. once something fell out of the top of the closet and made a loud noise. Oh lord. 5 minutes later, we got a complaint. Another time, I accidentally fell in the hallway. Complaint. Before long, we were whispering in our own apartment tip toeing night and day. I was always too much of a chicken to say anything to them about it. I just insisted that we put up with it,just to keep the peace. But, maybe someone was over reacting with them.Even if they didn't, I'd just overlook it and file it as a temporary oversight in manners and cut the busy parents some slack.

JOLINA
08-21-2011, 12:50 AM
Children and dogs make noise. That is just the way it is.
I have a huge woofer living on one side of me. He is a beautiful hunting dog.

The landlords can't discriminate against people renting with children.
Most cities have an ordinance against excessive noise before and after a certain hour. And there is a curfew for children under a certain age.

There are all adult communities. But I live in a neighborhood with 4 children right next door to me. They make a lot of noise. But they visit me and I give them books and kids movies. They like me. We have long discussions about fantastical adventures, and bugs, and firetrucks and airplanes. And I teach them silly kid songs. And I listen to them. They have a lot to say. None of the other neighbors associate with the kids but me.
And I have a noisy schoolyard behind me.
But I like children. Noise and all. I like to see them enjoying life. They are a lot of fun.

When I was a kid we had a couple of old grouchy neighbors. I made up my mind not to be the neighborhood grouch when I grew up. It has paid off. The kids really like me...and so do their parents. But I have a really hateful neighbor who will call the cops when the 4 little kids congregate on my porch to talk to me. They are ages 2,5,7 and 11.
She considers them to be an unruly gang! LOL

I just had a new neighbor move in with 4 more kids. And a couple of my friends are all up in arms about the kids. I hear one hateful complaint after another.
The kids are 2,5,6 and 14. The 5 year old girl is just darling. The 2 year old is so cute. The 14 year old can ride his bike 30 miles. OUCH! And the 6 year old is still shy of me. So I showed him a couple of Monarch butterfly caterpillars I am raising in my milkweed. Now he knows not to hurt them because they will be flying over 2,000 miles to Mexico later in the year to overwinter. And I let them all pick my raspberries. And I let them take home a little garden toad for an hour. When my pears get ripe next month, I'll invite the little ones over to pick a few. It's great to help build happy childhood memories for the little ones.
Summer is a great time to get to know my new neighbors.
:)

I WOULD GIVE UP CHOCOLATE, BUT I'M NO QUITTER.

nelie
08-21-2011, 01:44 AM
I lived above a deaf lady with 9 kids. Her kids made noise and she had some speech training but not quite enough to teach her how to speak at a normal loudness so she screamed every time she talked. I'm not sure you can beat that for noise :)

kaplods
08-21-2011, 02:23 AM
It's possible that the note is aimed at a specific person (if so, most likely one of the tenants living a floor below), who has complained numerous times over sound that is unavoidable.

If you had said that you had heard outrageous noise coming from the apartment, I would agree that the person is setting a bad example for their children - but if there's not unusual noise comiong from the apartment, they may be responding to harassment they have received in the building (or in the past). I can understand the sentiment (even if it's a rude and low-class way to express it).

We don't have kids, but in our current apartment, we had noise issues with the neighbors above us. Even though they made tons of noise, they were constantly complaining about noise coming from our apartment. They were college students and one brother had migrains (I suspect hangover-induced since he'd usually complain on Sunday Mornings), and I swear he was imagining things, because we live an insanely quiet life. I can turn the tv on a little loud, because I'm a little hard of hearing, but we had to tell them to come down and TALK to us when that happened - because they would try to tell us we were being too loud by POUNDING on the floor, which I would sometimes not hear, or would think they were just wresting (because they did that alot. Literally, they would move furniture aside and wrestle with their friends and you could hear them body slamming each other to the floor). The brother with the headaches would stomp down the stairs and knock on our door, enraged that we hadn't responded to his pounding. He'd ask us to turn the music or the tv down - sometimes when we didn't have music or the tv even ON - and he'd accuse us of turning it off before he came down the stairs - psycho).

We could hear every move they made and they'd wrestle and have late weekend parties that were super loud (and their weekend parties wouldn't START until bar close, so 2 or 3 am), and yet they were the ones making noise complaints (it wasn't in retaliation to complains we had made against them). My husband only complained to them, when the noise was excessive after midnight (which occurred for the first time after they had made three complaints to us about our noise). I swear that I think the guy was schizophrenic, and was hearing voices because he'd come down and rant about the noise when we hadn't made any or couldn't hear any from any of the other apartments either (and the walls are thin enough that we can hear loud noises from all 8 apartments in the building - and sometimes when the windows are open, even from all three building in the courtyard).

After they moved out (thankfully) a new couple moved in, and we still hear them quite well though it's normal noise, nothing excessive. We've asked, and they've told us they can't hear us at all. We've become friends, and the man is a cop - so he's familiar with excessive noise complaints and what constitutes excessive noise. We we even turned our tv's volume up as far as it could go to test what they could or couldn't hear in their apartment - and they still couldn't hear it - so I don't know what headache boy was complaining about.

We've lived in several apartments, and we had never had anyone complain about our noise level before, and we've rarely had to complain aobut other tenants, but we have witnessed bizarre noise disputes between neighbors. Some people seem to believe that they should not be able to ever hear even a single noise coming from the apartments around their own. And then there are others who think they should be able to do anything they want to, even having loud, parties that start at 3 am on a weekday, or decide that 2am is the perfect time to move all the furniture and vaccuum.

I've even seen people ignore all the noise in the building except when it was (or was imagined to be) coming from someone they didn't like. They'd ignore their friends' loud 3am parties, but would freak out that their "enemy" was vaccuuming at 7:30 pm.



If the note bothers you, and/or if the family is making noise that isn't just normal family noise, then I would suggest photographing the note, and talking to your landlord about it (or if you want to be anonymous, send it to the landlord with a letter), and express your concerns.

I'd agree that no matter what the situation, they're not handling it well, but I also know how frustrating it can be to be the victim of harassment over imagined or normal, unavoidable sound. We even went to our landlord, asking if anyone else in the building had complained about us - and we were told there were complaints ABOUT the college boys, but not from them (and yet for the year they lived above us, we got at least three complaints every month from them - sometimes more than one in the same day. It was exhausting - if I had thought a nasty note would have kept them away I would have posted it.).

bargoo
08-21-2011, 09:34 AM
Someone in the building must have complained but your neighbors don't know who it was. The irritating note was put up to catch the eye of whoever the complainer was. If you ever talk to then I would say that I have made no complaints.

zoritsa
08-21-2011, 09:40 AM
I'd confront the neighbor in a friendly manner to see what exactly made her put the note up in the first place.She may just be frustrated and not know any other way to deal with it,especially if it's normal everyday noises that are getting complaints on her.Heck,she may think it's you that making the complaints and hence the note ON her door.If it is,you can explain that it's not coming from you and if she could please take the note down.

I had some guy put a nasty note ON my truck once,because I was parked in front of his house (my landlord promised me a parking space and then when I moved in,said,oops...someone else needs it).I parked in front of his house again with a huge note saying that when he says please and thank you...then I will move my truck.We ended up communicating face to face and everything turned out fine after that.He apologized for the nasty note,I said I wouldn't park there anymore and we chatted everytime we saw each other after that.I think communicating face to face with the person is the best way to go.

kaplods
08-21-2011, 11:47 AM
Denying that you complained, out of the blue, can seem defensive - so I'd suggest saying something that invites her to open up about what's going on... something like, "I noticed the note on your door; has someone in the building been complaining about noise? Have you talked to the landlord about it?

I agree that it's possible that she doesn't know who complained, because the person may have complained directly to the landlord or may have slipped an anonymous note in her mailbox or under her door. In my experience landlords often pass along noise complaints, not by saying "someone has complained," but by stating "I've been receiving complaints," or "people have been complaining," so that it doesn't seem personal.

In my experience, people tend to get more upset (and more irrational and paranoid) about complaints (whether they're giving them, or receiving them) when they're anonymous. Which is why the note is unfortunate - they would have gotten better luck, if they had knocked on every door around them and had asked nicely if anyone had been bothered by noise, and if so - what specifically and when). That would have been the best response, but it's also a difficult one.

Somni
08-21-2011, 12:02 PM
I would guess the neighbor was having a bad day and it was maybe aimed at someone that had been giving them grief, like a downstairs neighbor.

We used to live next door to this super nice woman, got along with her great, but boy she sounded like a pill to live above. She would flip out if the people above her so much as ran a dishwasher after 6 or 7 pm. I didn't know any of this was going on until the day the situation got so strained that she and one of the upstairs neighbors were in the hall screaming at each other.

Some people can just be really sensitive to noise and don't want to hear anything from their neighbors when they are home, put them near children - even if that noise is at reasonable levels - and it's a bad combo.

Or maybe the kid is super noisy during late hours and doing it near shared walls of bedrooms so another neighbor can't sleep. Our downstairs neighbors kids can be surprisingly noisy rather late at night sometimes - once in a while it sounds like they are having a furniture throwing contest in the middle of the night - but it's never near our bedroom while we're trying to sleep so we don't care.

Your neighbor's approach probably isn't the best way to forge a happy peaceful stay in their newish surroundings though. And yeah, not very inviting looking to have on a door near you! Hopefully whatever is going on gets resolved quickly.

zinkemomx2
08-21-2011, 12:55 PM
I lived in an apartment in my early 20's. We were ground floor and never heard anything from those upstairs. The people directly behind us though were another story. They regularly had parties that lasted until 4 and 5am. They would sneak out and jump the fence to swim. We never once complained. At the time I was working the early morning shift and had to be at work at 5am. As I was leaving they were still partying. I walked back to their door with the intention of asking them to quiet down. When they had come home they left the keys in the door lock and no one ever told them. I know it was wrong but I took their keys. Every day for a week I would move their vehicle from spot to spot in the lot. Our living and bedroom windows overlooked the lot. It was hilarious watching them come out and scratch their heads looking for their car. I slipped their keys back in their door lock about a week later and they were never the wiser.

Cali Doll
08-21-2011, 01:23 PM
zinkemomx2, they didn't know their keys were missing? And they weren't surprised when the keys suddenly appeared again? That's a wild story! lol!

JOLINA, you are so nice! :-) I liked reading your post.

I'm one of those noise sensitive people but, thankfully, my neighbors above me are pretty quiet. I had a kid-family that lived next door to me (I think they just moved) and the kid was fond of opening and slamming the front door to his apartment...over and over again. SO ANNOYING! It would rattle my front door, too. Anyway, I solved the problem by putting insulation on my front door.

I have a dog that, I'm sure, makes noise as he runs around on my hardwood floors. I hope it doesn't bother my neighbor below me.

Lovely, that note is from frustration I'm sure. I hope it comes down soon, though.

sacha
08-21-2011, 01:24 PM
My son had severe colic and a birth injury/reflux/milk allergy. In the first year, I wish I had put a note like that on my door. I was really tired of the complaints, as if it was not hard enough to deal with such a difficult newborn. There comes a point, as a mother, when you try your darndest and people still complain - and they are almost always childless people who have no idea of the difficulty you go through. Yes, other parents will still be annoyed but they will not make sarcastic/rude comments to you. I have been told to move, to leave my newborn to cry himself to sleep (with a birth injury and acid reflux???) by "well meaning" advisors who know nothing of his medical condition. I even spent 1 night sleeping with him in my VAN to avoid complaints!!!

Some may find it offensive, but once you've been complained to so many times and still trying your best, you get to the point where you just want to say "F U" in a more polite manner.

Ursula745
08-21-2011, 02:04 PM
To be honest with you, although it wouldn't accomplish anything but to pi$$ them off, and I really wouldn't care, I would post a sign on theirs, or write on theirs, that said this:

"If you're here to complain about the noise, don't bother. OK - I'll just call the poice or complain to the apt mgmt DAILY, instead until you get kicked out.


We have a child. We're doing our best. Try harder.

When you have kids come talk to me. I have them and they don't act like monkeys.

Until then, enjoy your easy life." If you thought parenting was going to be easy, you were delusional. If you wanted your life to be easy then maybe try a chastity belt and don't procreate, idiot. It's called parenting and takes WORK.


I'm really so tired of so many parents I know excusing their bad parenting skills. I am of the belief if you can't be a good parent, then don't be one.

This just hit home with me and I guess caused me to rant, also. So, forgive my bluntness.

And, let me also add this. I probably wouldn't do this if the note wasn't so rude or seemed as though it was dealing with a kid with no boundaries. I do know children make noise, and there is a certain level that is tolerable. If it's a normal amount of noise, then, it is what it is, and if I wasn't ok with it, I wouldn't live in an apt. That's children and apartment life. But if it's over the top, then I believe something truly does need to be done, behaviorally, medically, or even if it means moving to a downstairs apartment if that would help. Normal amounts of noise are expected, but abnormal amounts should be dealt with, or at the very least, rather than an FU note, maybe a note explaining the issue to an extent, but not a note that is blatantly rude and says they don't care about what's going on.

If I had read a note that said something to the effect of "my child has "such and such" going on. I realize it's an inconvenience for my neighbors, and I am working on this. Please bear with me", I would be more inclined to accept it and possibly even help if the parent needed some downtime.

zinkemomx2
08-21-2011, 04:09 PM
zinkemomx2, they didn't know their keys were missing? And they weren't surprised when the keys suddenly appeared again? That's a wild story! lol!

Oh they knew they were gone. They just didn't know who had them. ;) They would stand on the sidewalk and scratch their heads looking at where they car was the night before. It was comical for sure.

Lovely
08-21-2011, 10:10 PM
Wow! Thanks for responding, guys :)

Some of you have had to deal with some CRAZY neighbor situations, that's for sure. O_O

To reiterate, I don't personally have a problem with the level of noise on my end of the complex. There's a family with a young kid below us who used to cry at night, but it wasn't overwhelming. They do sometimes stomp around or slam doors, but it's not like I'm a ballerina on my feet. It's just life in an apartment. We can only try to be considerate of the time (like between 10PM and 7AM), and try not to blast music or the tv any time of the day.

My only problem was that the note itself sounded rude, and passive-aggressive and looked icky on their door. (Btw, thanks for the link to that note site... I had a heck of a laugh. Some of those notes are amazing!)

I'm sure it'll go away in a week, and I'll have little (read nothing) to complain about. =)

TurboMammoth
08-22-2011, 10:59 AM
I've never been under the impression that everyone is kind, polite, or socially apt. But it is fun to make fun of them! There's a whole website for it. You should add yours to it:

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/21/can-you-dig-it/
I laugh SO HARD!

cherrypie
08-22-2011, 12:28 PM
you can't live in a complex with children and expect to never hear them. Kids make noise. Even ones with good parents.

as to unreasonable neighbours, I once had someone below us ask us if it was possible for us to not walk on the floors after 8 pm :lol:

theox
08-22-2011, 09:03 PM
People like that are annoying. I'm going to put a sign up that says "If you're coming to complain about the noise, don't bother. We have a DOG. They bark. We're trying our best. Suck it, Trebek."

Eye roll. If someone can't be considerate of their neighbors, then they need to find a more appropriate place to live.

This tickled me, Brown. I find it quite easy to imagine that neighbors who complained about a dog that barked too loudly or too frequently (in their opinion) would think the dog owner who kept a noisy pet in a neighborhood where (presumably) sound travels unimpeded across property lines was the person who needed to be more considerate of his/her neighbors and consider looking for a place to live that was more amenable to his/her lifestyle/non-human household members. I'm not saying that one position is right or wrong, but it seems like an argument that both sides could use.

I hope things in your apartment building get resolved quickly, Lovely.

belmagick
08-22-2011, 09:46 PM
Okay seriously. I live in an apartment below children and the noise they make is totally and completely unreasonable. I appreciate that sometimes there will be noise (we used to live below another family before the present family moved in and we never had a problem, yes there was noise and the occassional argument but the mother always limited the noise and sometimes apologised if it was really bad).

This family do not give a crap. The kids ride their bikes and skateboards across the wooden floor and into the walls and then back again for hours on end. They bounce balls, run, jump and drag chairs across the wooden floor day in and day out and the mother makes absolutely no attempt to even take them outside so they don't make so much noise. It is completely inconsiderate.

I was studying for my exams and the noise was constant. I knocked on their door in tears because I needed to concentrate and they slammed it in my face and then started shouting abuse out of their windows everytime my dad and I walked past and when we were in then she would encourage the children to jump about and swear some pretty bad curse words and even taught them a "we don't f-ing care" song.

Mind you, the noise the children make isn't half as bad as the sound of her having sex with different men late at night.

Some people are not fit to have children and ought to be castrated. Plain and simple. I would never have been allowed to get away with that kind of behaviour when I was little. It's unbelievable and I don't think my opinion is influenced by the fact I'm childless.

Ookpik
08-23-2011, 03:27 AM
I'm childless as well and understand that children will make some noise. I used to live in an apartment and my neighbors had two small children. I heard them occasionally, but I knew that children make some noise, and to be honest, I thought they were rather quiet, if anything.

What gets on my nerves is when people think others have an easy life because they are childless, for example. What do people know about my life and whether it's easy or not? And I sometimes feel that I am supposed to feel guilty for enjoying my "easy" life. I hear comments such as "it must be nice to be able to travel often/sleep in/". Am I supposed to feel guilty because THEY had kids? Well, I am a student, and I don't make comments like "it must be nice to be able to watch t.v. after supper instead of work on an assignment and study for a midterm". I knew what I was getting into when I signed up to go back to school, so I am not going to make comments to others that sound as if I think they should feel guilty because they don't have homework at night. [I]I chose to go back to school.

Sorry. That is my rant today.

linJber
08-24-2011, 07:44 PM
I read all the replies before posting - and Ursula beat me to it. My way of dealing with it would have been to add a note to their door that said "If I can't complain to you in person in a considerate manner, please check below how would like me to complain." And below, with little boxes to check, would be "Call the police" and "Call the landlord". Some people just have no social skills.

Lin

junebug41
08-24-2011, 07:54 PM
I do not miss apartment living. At. All.

I also do not miss our upstairs neighbor who would exercise their 80lb Boxer in their apartment (we could hear the ball bounce on the floors).

I do sort of miss bouncing a racket ball on our ceiling, confusing the poor animal...

djs06
08-25-2011, 12:14 PM
What gets on my nerves is when people think others have an easy life because they are childless, for example. What do people know about my life and whether it's easy or not? And I sometimes feel that I am supposed to feel guilty for enjoying my "easy" life. I hear comments such as "it must be nice to be able to travel often/sleep in/". Am I supposed to feel guilty because THEY had kids? Well, I am a student, and I don't make comments like "it must be nice to be able to watch t.v. after supper instead of work on an assignment and study for a midterm". I knew what I was getting into when I signed up to go back to school, so I am not going to make comments to others that sound as if I think they should feel guilty because they don't have homework at night. [I]I chose to go back to school.

Sorry. That is my rant today.

EXACTLY. That was my response to this post, so I'm glad I read through the other responses first. I also really hate the idea that this person thinks that people who don't have children are unsympathetic. Heck, when I'm on an airplane and there's a screaming child I don't blame the parent. Sometimes there's nothing you can do! Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't understand that or feel for you.

I'm sure that just as many parents as nonparents are affected by the noise. It's like your neighbor thinks its some elitist parenting club- YOU shouldn't dare complain until YOU have children.

I also thought this belonged on passive aggressive notes- although it's not too passive! :lol:

sacha
08-25-2011, 12:53 PM
Maybe it's because I'm the mom of a colicky baby OR maybe it's because I'm a police dispatcher and have listened to 100's of neighbour noise complaints,

But this note sounds suspiciously like it is one particular unnamed complainant who is perhaps very unreasonable in their constant calls and complaints.

I'm sure most of you have not experienced this, but there are plenty of people who literally call the police/management every night for very basic upstairs living (ie. walking around, shutting a cupboard). The note is clearly passive aggressive but it also sounds like the person has just had enough of a particular ongoing complaint.

If you all can keep your cool in any heated situation, good for you, but sometimes people lose their temper with an ongoing frustration and IMO, this note is probably the result of that.

I don't see this note as being written to all neighbours, at all. I think it is directed towards a particular person without being specific. At least, that is my impression.

But then again, I slept in a van with a screaming 6 week old infant once because I got kicked out of a guesthouse at 3am for his crying. Yes, many parents are unreasonable in expecting others to accommodate their child's noise - but there are just as many childless people who have unreasonable expectations on parents as well.

bargoo
08-25-2011, 01:43 PM
I think they don't know who made the complaint so have put up the note hoping the complaining party would see it.

BettyBooty
08-26-2011, 01:10 PM
I'd probably do the same as Ursula and LinJber and responded to the note, line by line. Or maybe just write a big f-u on it. I seriously hate note writers. That passive-agressive notes website is a HOOT!

GlamourGirl827
08-28-2011, 02:49 PM
Popular thread. :)
We just moved out of our apartments! I couldn't be happier. We had a complete nut job woman living above us. Cops always coming and going, DYFS, 2 am drunk fights complete with arrests, oh it was like something out of Jerry Springer. They were so noisy. And our complaints were not addressed by our slumlord. They'd wake my baby constently, and I worked nights, so often I'd get no sleep.
Then one AFTERNOON my son (now 4, but at the time was maybe 2) was in the kitchen which we usually keep gated, and slammed the pots and pans cabin open and shut, I'm not kidding, maybe 3 times, and our upstairs neighbor banged back! Well, I had finally had enough and I flew up there and completely out of character nearly physically hurt her. I had been tired of them disrupting our lives for 2 years, and the first time we make noise, she bangs back.
Needless to say, I should ahve handled it better, but sometimes emotions get the best of us.
What my neighbor didn't know, was all the personal stress I was dealing with, including my DS being diagnosed with autism.
The two years following, we barely taked, and seeing how the apartment complex did nothing to address noise complains, I was "lively" at 5am, when they were loud the night before. Civil? No. But I had tried for two years to go about it the right way, and only hit dead ends.
However, as the years went on, my autistic son became very loud, and still in. He has a lot fo very vocal tantrums, and went through about a year where he'd walk up in the middle of the night screaming, sometimes for like an hour.
As for the people across the hall, it turned out they had an autistic child too, and they were understanding of all the noise coming from our apartment.

shellofself
09-19-2011, 05:10 PM
I'd take screaming kids and obnoxious notes over loud sex-couple any day. At my old apartment, the upstairs neighbor (a single guy in his 20s) would have REALLY, REALLY loud sex at all hours. It wasn't just annoyingly rude, it was embarrassing when we'd have company over.

fatferretfanatic
09-19-2011, 08:36 PM
I am sure that in many cases, apartment living for a new parent is not ideal but is the more financially sound option. My sister just had a baby a few months back, and though she and her fiance work, they can afford an apartment, groceries, and necessities for the baby. That's it. They would love to have a home, more ideal to having a baby that makes noise, but you know, we'd all love to have things we just can't afford. It's definitely not their intention to be an imposition-you can't control some aspects of life all the time.

rachaelm
09-20-2011, 03:57 PM
This thread makes me so very very thankful I've never had to live in an apartment.

sacha
09-21-2011, 01:20 PM
I would agree. Which is why I dont think it matters if its a dog or a child. I'm of the opinion that your rights end where mine begin, and i think i have a right to not have someone impeding on my space constantly. I feel the same about other public places. There are reasonable noise levels and behaviors, and unreasonable ones. The burden is not on the one whose space is being invaded to change the situation. The onus is on the one who's being rude.
Can i be understanding of a parent who has a constantly screaming, sick baby? I could. But why is it on ME to lose sleep, not be able to relax in my own home, etc. When I still have to get up and go to work, and deal with all the responsibilities in MY life-- and for all the yelling about how nobody knows what you(pl) have to deal with, there seems to be no realization that you(pl) have no idea what your(pl) neighbors are dealing with in their own lives. The last thing someone else needs is your(pl) drama on top of their own, and it is so rude to expect everyone else to deal with your (pl) choices.

ETA: Since I think someone will respond that it's not a choice to have a sick baby, etc. I'll clarify that the choice in this situation is to remain living in a location that is not fitting to your situation. In other examples, just having loud children, or energetic dogs, etc., those are choices.

Mom of screaming sick baby here :)

The majority of new parents simply can't up and move into a house away from people, if we could, we probably wouldn't have lived in an apartment anyways. Nobody wants to live in an apartment with a baby if a house was an option.

We did end up moving into a house, purely because my husband could afford it on one salary. But most young families do not have that kind of money. I know when I was single and childless, it was far easier for me to move out of a crappy apartment situation (I had some weirdo keep putting condoms on my car and leaving roses at my door, eek!) than to expect some poor mom with a young baby to leave and find housing away from other people.

aleksandra
09-21-2011, 03:02 PM
I actually understand him :D He's under stress, having a small child, having to put up with his (hard definable at times) need, his wife's needs, his wfe's hormones, his job, his new apartment ... I'd loose it too, and, to be honest, as far as I know myself, Id write the exact same note. not meaning any harm, but just being pissed and wanting not to be talked to :)
as a neighbor, I'd say "so what?!" to myself and compliment the baby on various occasions :D

theox
09-21-2011, 09:23 PM
I guess my point is more that when Person X is the one disturbing everyone else, even if they feel they can't help it, they need to realize they have NO right to get snotty with people who are tired of it. THEY are the ones disturbing the peace, and being a nuisance. They need to change things on their end, not just expect everyone else to just deal with it, or uproot their lives because misery loves company.

I agree - to a point. People whose children are obnoxiously loud or intrusive because they haven't been taught not to be, and people who keep loud pets in places that are unsuited for such animals do need to simply take responsibility for their households. However, I think that when dealing with really difficult issues for which there are no simple fixes (or possibly no fixes at all), such as sick infants and children with major mental/emotional/behavioral issues, it's understandable that parents or other caregivers get worn down and snappish about complaints that they can't do much about. I don't really understand how your statement above squares with the one from your first post on this thread (below). Were you being sarcastic?

People like that are annoying. I'm going to put a sign up that says "If you're coming to complain about the noise, don't bother. We have a DOG. They bark. We're trying our best. Suck it, Trebek."

Thighs Be Gone
09-22-2011, 12:50 AM
I would probably ignore it. Chances are , the sign will come down. If nothing else, tell prop management or just take it down urself.

CrystalZ10
09-22-2011, 10:30 PM
Children and dogs make noise. That is just the way it is.
I have a huge woofer living on one side of me. He is a beautiful hunting dog.

The landlords can't discriminate against people renting with children.
Most cities have an ordinance against excessive noise before and after a certain hour. And there is a curfew for children under a certain age.

There are all adult communities. But I live in a neighborhood with 4 children right next door to me. They make a lot of noise. But they visit me and I give them books and kids movies. They like me. We have long discussions about fantastical adventures, and bugs, and firetrucks and airplanes. And I teach them silly kid songs. And I listen to them. They have a lot to say. None of the other neighbors associate with the kids but me.
And I have a noisy schoolyard behind me.
But I like children. Noise and all. I like to see them enjoying life. They are a lot of fun.

When I was a kid we had a couple of old grouchy neighbors. I made up my mind not to be the neighborhood grouch when I grew up. It has paid off. The kids really like me...and so do their parents. But I have a really hateful neighbor who will call the cops when the 4 little kids congregate on my porch to talk to me. They are ages 2,5,7 and 11.
She considers them to be an unruly gang! LOL

I just had a new neighbor move in with 4 more kids. And a couple of my friends are all up in arms about the kids. I hear one hateful complaint after another.
The kids are 2,5,6 and 14. The 5 year old girl is just darling. The 2 year old is so cute. The 14 year old can ride his bike 30 miles. OUCH! And the 6 year old is still shy of me. So I showed him a couple of Monarch butterfly caterpillars I am raising in my milkweed. Now he knows not to hurt them because they will be flying over 2,000 miles to Mexico later in the year to overwinter. And I let them all pick my raspberries. And I let them take home a little garden toad for an hour. When my pears get ripe next month, I'll invite the little ones over to pick a few. It's great to help build happy childhood memories for the little ones.
Summer is a great time to get to know my new neighbors.
:)

I WOULD GIVE UP CHOCOLATE, BUT I'M NO QUITTER.

We had a cool neighbor lady like that growing up and she made our summers so much fun!! those kids will ALWAYS remember you!

We also had a hateful type of lady who tried to yell at us. Turns out she was just lonely and sad. Allergic to animals so no pets. Two children living far away from her. I had the good sense to bring her baked goods a few times and visit with her, and the yelling stopped. She died a few years later from cancer and was in a lot of pain before hand. :(

I think often about both of those neighbors and what I learned from them. :hug:

Esofia
09-23-2011, 06:28 AM
People make complaints about babies crying? What on earth is anyone expected to do about that, smother the baby? We're living next door to a baby, and yes, it cries, and it even has the audacity to cry at night. It can be off-putting when we're, erm, in bed but busy, and it's not great to be woken up in the middle of the night by it, but there are thick walls in this block and it must be far, far worse for the poor parents who are getting sleep-deprived on a regular basis.

On the other hand, I had several years of local children playing outside my bedroom window for months on end every year. They would literally scream for eight hours a day, and they were either young enough that they should have had adult supervision or old enough that they should have been at school. I spend almost all my time in bed due to chronic illness and nap during the day, so this was really unpleasant to live with. Eventually I did try to take action, but it turned out to be impossible to get anything done, especially as I had no idea who they were or which flat they were from.

This summer I've had a fun time of it trying to get the council to act on one of the local pubs. Every summer they have an outdoor band in their beer garden, with amplification. It's extremely loud in my flat which is two streets away; if you're in the street where it's going on, you're pretty much shaking from the sound. Unfortunately, the council have to witness the sound a certain number of times before they can take action. A lot of times I don't bother - there are plenty of occasions when you don't actually want a random stranger from Environmental Health coming to your flat, especially in the evening and later - but when I do, the problem is that it takes about half an hour to process the call, and then at least another half hour for the guys to turn up, and they have an incredible knack for turning up two minutes after the music has finished, or when the band is between sets.

At least it's not like my previous flat. The first floor neighbours on one side were total racists. They were happily spreading malicious gossip about the Pakistani family who ran the corner shop, and about me because they knew I was Jewish, and also for the crime of being the youngest person in the block. Apparently, every time someone slammed the front door, it was my fault. The first floor neighbour on my side was a dotty old woman who would pause only to put on her skirt and her "fang" (as she called it) before swanning down to my flat whenever she detected someone male visiting me. She kept on coming on to several of my friends, who were a third of her age and gay anyway, and she actually groped the guy from the council who was fixing the front door. She was convinced that the guy upstairs was sexually harassing her, which I think was delusion as well. He had certainly never shown the slightest bit of interest in any women that I'd seen, including me. And then one day when I was visiting my current flat prior to moving into it, I missed a huge drama with a bunch of uniformed and plain clothes cops breaking down this guy's door (apparently all his rooms were padlocked) and taking him away in an armoured van. Though he was brought back a few months later.

Undoubtedly the worst neighbour noise experience I've had was a previous flat in a fairly rough area of town, where I had to call the police because a neighbour's down was being broken down. The police turned up and accepted the guy's excuse that he was just worried about his girlfriend, even though it had domestic violence written all over it. (This is the usual police response to domestic violence, they even get trained in how to brush off cases. My best friend's sister is a copper, and when she was working in the Family Protection Unit I heard some pretty horrible things about how they're trained.) I heard the woman going down the stairs with a friend saying to her, "You've got to report him, he's beating you black and blue." The guy didn't live there, so I slipped an anonymous note under her door with her name on it and with the phone number of Women's Aid inside. I really hope she was OK, I never found out what happened.

MiZTaCCen
09-23-2011, 11:34 AM
I'd put a nice sticky note on their door that says.

"Don't judge my life just because I choose not to have kids, and you know nothing about it. Thanks"

Myself I try and stay away from places that a filled with kids and even people my own age. (animals I can tolerate as long as the dog isn't barking 24/7) I had a nightmare of a time when my landlord went to germany for the summer (she lives above me) she rented out the place to 3 people are my age...rude, inconsiderate and I swear they just moved out of mommy and daddy's house...either way I refused to converse with them and when they took my stuff out of the dyer while it was drying I locked them out of the laundry room for two weeks. (Don't touch my sh1t, especially when I'm not home ALL day and they were they could have did laundry, or waited 30 more minutes until my stuff was dried and use the dryer since they were up until 3 in the morning.) also they walked like elephants at three in the morning, dropping stuff on the floor over my head and moving furniture...Let's just say they got the hit to stfu, after I played Hanson MMMbop repeatedly for an hour at 3am. They seemed to quite down and not be so disrespectful in the middle of the night. (that wasn't the first time they woke me up either, it was pretty much that whole week, but that one night I couldn't fall back to sleep and I was p1ssed... I work 3 jobs, so my sleep is precious...LOL)

Ookpik
09-24-2011, 12:30 AM
after I played Hanson MMMbop repeatedly for an hour at 3am.

Love this! :D

MiZTaCCen
09-24-2011, 01:07 AM
Love this! :D

lol thank you, I was soo mad that night, but enjoyed dancing around to MMMBop hahaha.

MandeLea
09-25-2011, 02:37 PM
Glad everything has worked out!