100 lb. Club - angry & resentful (read: sorry for myself)




martini
08-18-2011, 08:57 AM
I came home and ate almost every vegetable in the fridge. There's some onions and cabbage still in there, but that's simply because of a lack of creativity on my part. Had I been more imaginative they wouldn't have survived, either.

So when is a binge a binge? Earlier this week I tweaked my plan again. I'm at 1,400 calories a day + unlimited non-starchy vegetables. I don't measure carrots and cucumbers and the like and don't count that towards my daily calorie limit. My "binge" means I ate about 200 calories worth of carrots, cucumbers, and bean sprouts. Calorie-wise, certainly not the worst thing in the world. Emotionally, though, I'm really shocked at how comforting that nom nom nom nom nom of my mouth was. I could really use some ideas at other ways to comfort myself that don't involve nomnomnomnomnom.


April Snow
08-18-2011, 09:24 AM
martini -

sorry you are having a tough time.

First of all, do not beat yourself up for "binging" on vegetables!! That was a GOOD choice and I think sometimes, a high volume of food is what it takes to feel happy and satisfied. You could have chosen to eat a high volume of high calorie food but YOU DIDN'T! So that's great!! And yes, you can work on finding other ways of comfort that don't involve food at all, but you know what, it's a process. And you found a way to use food in a much, much healthier way than in the past. So that is HUGE progress.

and fwiw, I TOTALLY get your feelings about the different perspectives on weight. Yes, plenty of people are appalled to weigh less than I do right now, after a hard-earned 33 lbs loss. And plenty of people are appalled to weight what I hope to get to as a goal. But I have to just remind myself that they aren't me and I know the progress I am making and how far I've come. And there are definitely days where I avoid other forums besides the 100 lb club and the 300 lb forum (I LOVE the positive energy there, so I read it a lot although I don't post there unless it gets REALLY interesting! lol!). I don't have specific advice to "fix" your feelings on this issue, but I did want to say that I think it's totally normal to feel that way.

As for the rest of it, I think your self-awareness is awesome and puts you a lot further ahead than you give yourself credit for. I'm sorry your mother is so selfish and mean to you, but it's clear from the progress you have made already that you are a VERY strong woman and you will succeed in the end.

Beck
08-18-2011, 09:26 AM
Sorry you had a rough day.

As far as not bingeing: first off, I think you did great by going with veggies. I will usually now go for chewing gum, a large glass of water with some MIO in it for flavor, or a tea. Other options for resisting the nomnomnom urge are to just leave the house- take a walk around the block one or twice and focus on how food is not the solution to anything but hunger.

I too get frustrated sometimes with others who weigh much less than me complain about weight, but now that I'm much lighter myself, I see how it happens. I look at myself now - extremely happy with what I've accomplished- but still desire to have legs that are not bumpy with cellulite, a stomach that doesn't have hanging flesh, etc. I'm still working towards goal, and one of my main focuses is to firm and tone up during the next year. Everyone's journey is their own. We need to focus on that and not on where other's are in their journeys.

Hope today is a better day for you!


envelope
08-18-2011, 09:53 AM
Oh boy, you did have a rough day!
You did great with your choice of snacking. There are times when I will eat 2 or 3 cucumbers or a bunch of baby carrots, just to satisfy the urge to snack. Usually it happens late at night, so what I have started trying to do is to drink some water and go to bed. If it is earlier in the day I will try to go get some exercise in. I have found the endorphins from working out make me feel better than snacking ever has. I have taken out irritations, fustrations, anger, all on the pavement while jogging or on the elyptical and I always feel better afterward.

Do not worry about others and their goal weights. Everyone is different. I am estatic to be down 7o lb. , but my waist is still 2 clothing sizes larger than my hips and thighs, so I have a difficult time with buying pants. I am hoping that the next weight I lose comes primarily from my waist and then I will be happy as can be with where ever I am at.

puneri
08-18-2011, 10:49 AM
Martini,
First of all you are down by 58 lbs..that is a huge success.
Second of all you binged on veges and that contained lot of fiber..so mostly it will get flushed out.
evrybody is in his or her cacoon..some talk about it constantly and others get frustrated because of it. Some hide that situation and ask you lot of questions about it and you feel that person cares about it.
Your mom must be first type, but no doubt she cares about you.You always crush the heart which you shud have cared the most. And you do that because you trust the person most. This is coming from a 59 years old. And i learnt it recently when I heard this song.

Trazey34
08-18-2011, 10:53 AM
holy crap, that was rough!

firstly, a binge is a binge, but there are different levels -- did you eat the veg deliberately or were they the ONLY food in your house? If you chose them over other things, A+ ! If they were the only thing but you ate them and didn't go get something ELSE to augment it, then A- LOL

As for mothers, the older I get the luckier I feel for having a hilarious happy & loving mother who thinks I could run the country! The only thing I have to offer on the subject (again, from an age perspective) is that we can't change other people - as trite as it sounds. She's set in her ways, obviously doesn't care about hurting you (forgetting a birthday? more than once? or ever? wtf??) and that's her reality and it won't change. You banging your head on a rock or eating a sack of potatoes won't change it. SUCKS to be sure, but it is what it is. The only thing YOU can control is the reactions you have to it. Maybe not the first gut reaction, but the calm rational reaction after a few minutes!

I look at this as an opportunity - it's pretty clear that A + B = C, crappy things happened, you were emotional and upset, and turned to food (what kidn of food doesn't much matter) so what can you do in future to interrupt that equation?? to have a different outcome???

Lovely
08-18-2011, 11:14 AM
So many hugs... :hug: :hug: :hug:

One frustration is very easy to have roll into another.

A) A binge is a binge. Even if it's on veggies. Sure... could've been worse calorie-wise, but the emotional response was still there, and that's something we have to try very hard at to get rid of -- or rather to deter to a healthier choice. (The usuals come to mind: Journaling, Walking, Venting --which you're doing now, and that's good rather than turn to more food!)

B) You and I are both fairly tall chicks. Even if we weren't, we're coming from a place (the 300's) where getting under 200 is going to have such a HUGE POSITIVE impact on our health and well-being that we just cannot compare our end goals to others'. Even getting out of 300 has done that for us! It's not always easy. There are people who started before we have, who are further along than we are... but that's their journey, not ours! Do your best to not compare their end weight to yours. It's apples and oranges!

C) Oh mothers... *sigh* They aren't perfect. I remember during my young teenage years when I started recognizing that my mother was an actual human being with feelings and thoughts and problems. It freaked me out! That woman is a person! AAAAHHHHHH!!! As much as I love my mother, she's far from perfect. She's made mistakes. She's made me angry, and sad, and frustrated, but we cannot control other people. We can control our responses to them. Sometimes even venting about our mothers makes it a little easier to deal with. :hug:

Again...just more :hug: I'm really sorry you had a bad day!

carter
08-18-2011, 11:26 AM
I don't know, I'm not sure it's a priori a bad thing to comfort yourself with food, if you can do so with good choices like vegetables. I'm not sure I agree that "a binge is a binge."

I just think we need to give ourselves some room to be human beings, to sometimes need to numb out our emotions and not deal with everything like some kind of superwoman all the time.

If nomming on some veggies made you feel better, that sounds pretty good to me. After all, many of us would have been face first in the Ben & Jerry's, not the carrots. I just have a hard time seeing this as a reason to beat up on yourself further - "oh woe is me, my relationship with food is so messed up, blah blah." After all, it's biochemistry that makes eating fun and comforting. Beating up on yourself because you get comfort out of something you are hard-wired to get comfort out of just seems ... counterproductive. You've figured out a way to get comfort from eating when you need to, without seriously compromising your plan - that sounds pretty good to me.

Sophronia
08-18-2011, 11:51 AM
Don't have much to add to the really great suggestions here. Just want you to know that I, too, think the veggies were a pretty good choice of food if you were going to binge, and that journalling on 3FC is a pretty strong start to working through this.

I don't know if it makes you feel better (why should it?), but my mom never remembers my birthday. Never really bothered me, and in fact, never really thought about it until now. But my dad - he never forgets. And now my kids have started doing things independently that make me feel great - like decorating some folders for each of my core subject areas. I don't really have any issues with my mother, but she's also not a big part of my life. Hopefully, you have lots of people who love you and support you and who play bigger roles in your life than your mother. =)

djs06
08-18-2011, 01:34 PM
:grouphug:

My thought patterns work very much like this! I think your last paragraph is the most telling and you hit the nail on the head. You're having to work through things that you were once able to stuff. So it's only natural that you are so frustrated. Sometimes it just helps to get it out. And sometimes it's too hard to have the other distractions (i.e. the irritation at seeing the content of the other posts- and regardless of the content, when there's a bad day like that, something WILL rub you the wrong way), so maybe you could try emailing a friends or calling someone to vent. Or doing something to soothe yourself, whatever that might be.

I'm not sure when a "binge is a binge," but I wouldn't worry about your veggie situation. It sounds like you're phasing out the unhealthier parts of it, but I understand it can be distressing, even if it's not cookies or cake or whatever.

Just remember when you have a bad day that the next day is almost never as bad. I don't know why, but that makes me feel better.

Jo Kittibuck
08-18-2011, 03:45 PM
One of the most difficult things to accept about myself in this weightloss path is that I will never, never be free of the binges. I've come this far, I've learned so much, and yet every now and then I just lose control. I sometimes want to look at it as a failing of myself, but it's not. We are who we are, and what matters is how we react to that. I'm still losing because, though I do still have binges, I have them less often and in less extremes. That's the accomplishment.

So don't feel bad that you had a momentary loss of control. Feel proud that you damage controlled it well, reaching for the veggies instead of worse. And just think how many vitamins you got out of it!

As for your other two topics, I think weight has to be viewed from the personal perspective. I remember being 170 and hating it, being 190 and hating it, 210, 230, all the way up. Each step was the worst I'd ever been. So I can sympathize with the 175 lb-ers who feel fat. And I really do sympathize with you about your mother. I've got one like that too, a real Debbie Downer, and so melodramatic. I try to laugh about how silly she is.

theox
08-18-2011, 06:25 PM
:hug:

cfmama
08-18-2011, 06:35 PM
I don't have much to augment what has already been said.. but I DO understand EXACTLY what you are going through. And we're all always here to listen. Thats WHY we have to 100 club... we face different issues and have different goals sometimes than someone who wants to lose 20 lbs.

You are doing fabulous :)

ShoeCrazy
08-18-2011, 08:31 PM
Besides the veggies, I imagine sorting this all out and writing it down was helpful. Re: choosing to nosh on veggies—while that is certainly better than chocolate (ok, not better but better for you—LOL!), ideally you would have worked through all of the frustration, anger, emotion not using food at all. At the end of the day, it is the end of the day. Forget about it! It was a super sucky day and it is over. Release it to the universe. You will make tomorrow a beautiful day. It really is in your control and you do have that choice. Hang in there!!!

MoveMoveMove
08-18-2011, 08:39 PM
Martini - nothing to offer but :hug::hug::hug:. We're living on crazy days like that at work.


Lovely:


... my mother was an actual human being with feelings and thoughts and problems. It freaked me out! That woman is a person! AAAAHHHHHH!!!


Thanks for that. It has given me something to think about for sure.

freefall
08-18-2011, 09:11 PM
What made me stop eating when I felt frustrated was the (emotional, not intellectual) realization that it just doesn't work. I could have all the food in the world and all it would be is momentary distraction. The vegetables were a great choice and ultimately did take your mind off things, but did they make the stuff that bothered you less sucky? No. And neither would junk food have.
My problem is that recognizing that - where does one turn to deal with those feelings? And what I am finding is... nowhere. It's OK to feel angry, to feel frustrated, to feel sad or despairing. I think a lot of us try to "sweeten" our feelings literally, and while there might be momentary placation it doesn't really make anything better. We don't think we can handle one more ounce of annoyance or frustration, so we go for the m&m's - but the truth is that we can handle it, whether we think we can or not. We have to.
As far as being annoyed with where I am in relation to others - please. I've lost over a hundred lbs and am still more than a lot of people's starting weights. At some point, it is what it is - there are always going to be people who are richer and poorer, thinner and fatter, and smarter or dumber than you... It is what it is, and it's better than it was.

linJber
08-18-2011, 09:38 PM
Well, I'm going to jump in here and say I think you did a fantastic job of satisfying your urge to eat for comfort's sake by choosing veggies! I DO NOT consider it a binge! You recognized what you were doing and you ate sensible veggies instead of cookies or pasta, which would have been my choice! If you only had veggies available, well GOOD FOR YOU! You're smart enough to realize where you might have slipped and didn't allow it to happen. As someone else said - if there was other stuff available and you still stayed with the veggies, better yet. The rest of our lives will be filled with choices. You made a good one this time and will the next, too.

When DD was very small, she fell asleep EVERY night to a book / tape called "Lost in Dinosaur World." I'm certain she never got past more than a few minutes before falling asleep except for the billion times we listened to (or read) the whole book in the day time. We actually wore out the tape and I had to get a new one. One night she was being awful and I told her she had to go straight to bed with no tape. We were up for 4 hours. I was exhausted. Then I realized that I would never make her go to bed without her favorite blanket or bunny, so how stupid was I to take away the 3rd piece of her bedtime comforts? Dieting (I hate the word) is like that. We take away so many of the things that give us comfort to strive for healthy instead. Right or wrong, we derive a lot of comfort from food. So how can making an excellent choice to eat healthy food, even if it is a binge of sorts, be a bad thing? It's your "Lost in Dinosaur World" and if you need it, then have it. The road of life is hard enough. Don't make it harder by beating yourself up over making good choices for slightly less than perfect reasons.

My advice regarding people who have very little to lose and cry about it - well, they're wimps! Not tough, like the rest of us! They don't know a challenge and wouldn't meet it, so ignore what they have to say and keep at your plan and know you'll win in the end.

I have no advice re: your mom. Mine died when I was 23, and we had a great relationship. I'd give almost anything to have been able to have a real adult relationship with her, and try to have that with my DD. I'm sorry she isn't a source of comfort to you.

Hope tomorrow is better. Well, it's already tomorrow for you! Have a great day.

Lin

butterflymama
08-19-2011, 01:02 AM
I am sorry that you are having a rough day.

Not sure if you have read any of Geneen Roth's books but in "Women, food & god" she say's "Never underestimate the desire to bolt"

When one eats the way you described they are bolting form their feelings, from what is going on in their lives. It is hard to feel strong emotions. :hug:

geoblewis
08-19-2011, 03:05 AM
:hug: Just lots of hugs for you, Martini. :hug:

Like my friend always tells me..."If it's not one thing, it's your mother."

(You know I'm in the same mother boat with you. But I digress...business for a different forum!)

And I get it about the whiners who are like 10 - 20 lbs overweight and talk about how disgusted they are with themselves and yada, yada, yada. It's why I only stick to reading stuff from our group.

I belong to this other forum, one full of body-building goddesses. They have contests, exercise and starve themselves for 12 weeks, send in pictures, someone wins money...I almost quit that group until this week. It's just a couple days after their most recent contest and already, several of these very thin goddesses have been confessing about their post-contest binges! And suddenly, I felt so normal!

Bad days and subsequent binges happen. I love that you dove for the veggies. (And that comment about the cabbage and onions left behind, brilliant!) You've come a very long way, baby. And the road ahead of you is even longer, and even tougher. What I learned from the goddesses this week is they worked hard to achieve, then they binged (even for a few days!), they owned up to their choices, and then they went right back to the plan. And you're doing the very same thing!

I'm proud of you...

zoomwalker
08-19-2011, 03:27 AM
You and I must work at the same company so here is a virtual "hug" of encouragement.

One thing I try not to let myself do is what I call self-berate. We can't control the attitudes and behaviors of the people we encounter but we can remind ourselves that we are valuable and important to ourselves, we matter.

Kudos for eating only veggies! I'm still working on how to stop finding comfort from the chocolate bar in the closet (after all, we have to keep up the appearance of being in complete control all the time).
Hang in there. Look at the beauty inside of you and how much success you've had getting healthy!!

Thighs Be Gone
08-19-2011, 03:43 AM
so sorry martini! Having lived abroad myself three times..MAN do I get it!!! The bright side of your binge--you ate veggies!

Oh, and mother issues. Yes, I have plenty of those too. Look to take care of you and know there is this community that is thinking of you and blowing magical dust and good vibes your way!