Weight Loss Support - I have to say it- life's not as fun anymore!




RJ 1980
08-17-2011, 05:02 PM
No, being fat wasn't (isn't) fun. Definitely not. But... in a weird way it was, b/c I had no limits, no 'rules'. When I would go out somewhere, I would eat everything that looked delicious and drink whatever I wanted. It gave me a high- we all know that high! Even just sitting home and eating Chinese food, it was a good feeling. (AT THE TIME. Not later, when I felt disgusted and gross.) It was fun, indulgent and an 'escape' from the stress or boredom of the day.

I went to a family event last saturday night with the goal to indulge a little, but not binge and to stay AWARE of everything I put in my mouth. I ate a small amount of food and had a few glasses of wine. But I spent a lot of time running calories through my head, deciding what to skip and what to have, and keeping control, reminding myself to stay strong. It was quite frankly a huge buzzkill.

What the heck is wrong with me that I can't have a blast without eating and drinking with wild abandon? One should have barely anything to do with the other right? But it's apparently how I think. I think about the vacation I'm going on in a month, and if you told me I HAD to stay on plan, no eating anything 'bad' or drinking alcohol, I honestly wouldn't even want to go that much. How crazy is THAT??

I feel like in exchange for being thin (eventually), I'm giving up that high that binging gives me, and it kinda sucks. I'm also finding that my weight is being managed not by consistantly eating better, but by binge days vs. good days, and when good days win out I'll lose. That's the only way I'm losing weight.

I'm not saying I'm giving up, b/c I'm certainly NOT- I want to be healthy and thin and feel that confidence and contentment. But it seems my life has to be a lot different, and I've got to deal with that. It's hard.

Anyone else dealing with these feelings?


mamakat
08-17-2011, 05:14 PM
I know that high! In fact I've been fighting for about 2.5 weeks now...like an addict. I want cake and I want it bad. It makes me feel so good...but it doesn't last :( Then I gotta deal with all the guilt and calories and carbs, I just figure it's not worth it.

I found a new high in exercise. It sounds weird (especially for me) but the energy and euphoria lasts a lot longer than cake ever did. I still want the cake though :p But it's not worth it for me.

I don't have social issues as I don't have friends or family outside my DH and kids. So I don't struggle with that. I did go to a company party last month and they had lots of cheesecake, thanks to DH. Everyone said "eat it's only once". But that one time is more like a week of guilt and self loathing of why did I do it, that's too heavy for me. I stress over too much as it is. Only the first 3 bites are good but I can never stop there so I don't even do it.

I feel for you especially because food and drink are so social, I hate that. But lets face it, walking in the park is harder to talk to friends than sitting in a restaurant. Any advice I give would be silly as I don't have that pressure. I can only say, I know how it feels to want the cake :)

sontaikle
08-17-2011, 05:22 PM
Tell me about it.

Even though I have no restrictions in my calorie-counting (as long as it fits into my daily caloric intake) I sometimes miss being able to just eat without care. What I DON'T miss is the gross, bloated feeling I would get after eating. That (and the fact that I fit into a size 8 now!) keep me from going back to those habits. Even with this stopping me, I still sometimes wish I could go out to eat without looking at the calorie counts on the menu.

I don't know how I did it, but I seem to have permanently switched my brain into calorie counting mode. I don't (and never did) keep a food diary or write down calorie counts. Somehow I keep track of the day's count in my head all day! I can't seem to ever turn this "off" :D and I don't want to. This also keeps me from going overboard.


tuende
08-17-2011, 05:38 PM
I know that high! In fact I've been fighting for about 2.5 weeks now...like an addict. I want cake and I want it bad. It makes me feel so good...but it doesn't last :( Then I gotta deal with all the guilt and calories and carbs, I just figure it's not worth it.

I found a new high in exercise. It sounds weird (especially for me) but the energy and euphoria lasts a lot longer than cake ever did. I still want the cake though :p But it's not worth it for me.



I could have written word for word exactly this. I don't have as much of an issue in social settings, but I have been having an extremely hard time thinking about how good it feels to just sit down and eat and eat and eat (I used to always do this alone, which is probably why social gatherings aren't my weakness). This feeling comes and goes, but it's been really strong the last week or so, like I'm constantly fighting it. I try to remind myself how self-destructive this is, but that immediate gratification, that "high" is a powerful thing.

With the exercise, I almost feel like I've traded one obsession for another. I absolutely love it, do it a lot and feel like I can't get by without it. Maybe it's an upgrade from massive eating, but I'm not going to lie, I get pretty pissed if I can't get to the gym or if I - heaven forbid- miss my spin class!

So I'm working on finding the balance...

EagleRiverDee
08-17-2011, 05:40 PM
OH I totally know what you mean. I read these stories about women who just cut out soda and they lose all the weight, or whatever. I'm not like that. I have hypothyroidism and I have to avoid things that other people are able to eat/drink with abandon and never have problems. I can't have dairy, alcohol or coffee (and I LOVE coffee). I'm supposed to eat a very strict diet that is allergen free (to keep my body from attacking my thyroid). When I follow it to a T, I lose weight and feel good physically...but sometimes I just get MAD. Why can other people have coffee and not me? Why can other people have a drink and not me? Why do some people get to eat pizza whenever and they stay skinny? It doesn't help that my husband doesn't do ANYTHING and simply stays lean and muscular. He eats what he wants, guzzles coffee, doesn't exercise, and looks great.

Lovely
08-17-2011, 05:41 PM
Yeeep. Been there.

There was definitely a freedom and pleasure that came from picking out whatever I wanted to eat at that moment and just eating it in any amount.

The price was just too high, though.

For me, at least, it occasionally means I have to look at it like an addict might. Other people get to look at food normally. They don't have to think too hard about it, they just take what they want and naturally cut back when they need to.

I'll never be "normal" when it comes to food. So, I'll be abnormal, and I'll measure and weigh and consider, and I'll look for joys in other things beyond food.

PreciousMissy
08-17-2011, 05:52 PM
I know that high! In fact I've been fighting for about 2.5 weeks now...like an addict. I want cake and I want it bad.


My naturally skinny (grrr) boyfriend had a hard time trying to understand why I couldn't have just a bite of cake when I decided to change my eating habits, and that's exactly how I explained it to him!!

You wouldn't offer a recovering alcoholic a sip of wine. If I have one bite of cake, then I want a piece of cake, and it all goes downhill from there.

I miss the high, too....a lot!

mzKiki
08-17-2011, 11:30 PM
WOW! I had this same thought Sunday as I grocery shopped with my pregnant sister We were in the chip aisle and I really wanted something and I thought back to when I used to eat whatever I wanted and it was "fun" for the moment. But then I thought about trying on clothes and not being able to fit things in my closet, feeling exhausted after doing the laundry and suddenly it doesn't seem like it was much fun after all.
Over eating is just like any other addiction. I imagine recovering drug addicts have these same self defeating thoughts.
It wasn't fun it was an addiction and always will be I imagine. I just think about how much better I look and Feel!

gagalu
08-18-2011, 12:02 AM
i like micro-managing, so the calorie counting process hasn't put a damper on any of my fun. it's just other people badgering me about it and insisting that i eat more or that my serving size is too small even though theirs is too large. that's the part that sucks. i hate being constantly hounded about every little thing i put on my plate.

indiblue
08-18-2011, 03:04 AM
For me, food is about culture. I live overseas (in India) so skipping food or opting for certain options over others (which generally means the less authentic option) is about missing out on experiences and culture.

I constantly have to battle with what to skip out on- calories or culture? And culture is fun- trying new things, new flavors, new experiences.

So I get the frustration. It's tough :(

JingerBird
08-18-2011, 04:05 AM
I am new to this site. I joined to further my motivation. My binges were never fun but I do miss the pleasure of eating things like chocolate and cream cakes. I have found a new high.
I never thought that exercise would be my thing but I bought a cross trainer 2 weeks ago and at first, I could only manage 5 minutes at a time. Last night I managed 35 minutes. I am still buzzing about it this morning. Far longer than any slice of chocolate cake buzz would last. I have told everyone about my achievement. Most people don't seem impressed but.... I DID IT!

Rubiehart
08-18-2011, 04:23 AM
I always say I am one cheeseburger away from a downhill spiral back to morbid obesity. :/

lin43
08-18-2011, 05:47 AM
I know what you mean. I'm trying to find a balance between eating for pleasure and eating moderately. I know that some say we should treat food as fuel but food is such a major part of life that I cannot just consider it in that utilitarian way.

JayEll
08-18-2011, 06:54 AM
When an addict is in early recovery, life definitely is not fun for awhile. If someone is dependent on something in order to feel good, or "get high," then it takes time for the brain and body to adjust when that something is removed.

I enjoy exercise and physical activity, but I have no desire to become an "exercise addict," replacing one addiction with another. Moderation seems to be the key for that as well as for dealing with food. I don't believe there is such a thing as "healthy addiction."

You'll find that you develop new interests and uncover real feelings once you get away from overindulging as the only way to have fun. You may find that you're interested in vacation because of what you'll see and the activities you'll do, aside from the food and drink that used to be your focus. And you may find that you change the kind of friends you have.

Hang in there.
Jay

twinmommaplusone
08-18-2011, 07:28 AM
I get my high from Running and making progress!

I get my high from watching my muscles come in!

This lifestyle should be easy, should be fun.

Time to get excited my dear! Time to reap what you sow, Go shopping and get sexy in your new skin, Go make a healthy dessesert that puts the biggest smile on your face.

Next you go to that party, plan ahead and bring an amazing yummy snack for you! That way you can enjoy the people around you. That is anyways the best part.

carter
08-18-2011, 07:54 AM
What the heck is wrong with me that I can't have a blast without eating and drinking with wild abandon?

Nothing, really. It's how a lot of people celebrate and get pleasure! And, it's how you've been doing things your whole life - a couple months of trying to change isn't going to flip some kind of switch and give you a personality transplant.

Ease up on yourself a little, if you can. You don't have to get everything right at once. It's okay if it takes a little time for you to struggle through these issues and develop some new attitudes.

I love food. I Love Food, and I love eating as a recreational activity. It's been a long process for me to get comfortable with the idea that I don't need to take full advantage of every eating opportunity in order to have fun and enjoy my life. And I do mean a LONG process. I have been actively losing weight for just shy of 2 years, and I would say I still haven't completely internalized this lesson - there are still times when I overindulge, or when I feel sorry for myself when everyone else gets to enjoy something I've decided is not on my plan.

However, by gritting through those times (or at least getting right back on the horse immediately if I slip up), I've lost nearly 100 pounds, and I've started to feel better in my body than I ever imagined. Seriously. When I'd lost just 20 or 30 pounds I had no idea - I didn't feel that different, I was fighting against the notion of "meh, being trimmer isn't so great after all". I had absolutely no idea that when I got closer to a healthy weight I would seriously start to feel like a different person.

Now I know what I did not know then, during all those times I felt sorry for myself because I had to say no to some treat: it really is worth it. I know it; it's not just a hollow refrain I repeat to myself tactically; I have the actual experience to back it up. So saying "not today" when some eating opportunity presents itself is really easier now than it was a year or two ago.

The other big difference for me is that I have learned how to make my own eating opportunities at home that are exciting and fun. I love to cook, and so I cook seared spiced fish, fish curries, dal, roasted turkey, roasted vegetables of all kinds, exciting salads, delicious fresh fruit chutneys, and on and on. Going out to dinner with others, I still have to exercise a lot of restraint, and it's still hard work. But it's not the end of the world, because even my on-plan food is delicious to me and I get to eat it every day.

And you know what? Once in a while, I can still cast caution to the wind and indulge in a very special dish or have a very special meal. I can do that because 99 days out of 100 I don't do it. That's what being on plan for the long haul means to me.

envelope
08-18-2011, 07:57 AM
I had some unhealthy choices yesterday at my nieces going to college dinner and I was honestly trying to remember what the appeal was. That "high" never came, and the food really was not as good as I had remembered. So glad that I usually eat at home or am able to pack my own foods.

Now I love the feeling I have after a great work out, heck even after a soso work out I feel better than had I stayed home.

BeachBreeze2010
08-18-2011, 08:44 AM
I second envelope. I really don't crave those foods anymore and the times when I do have a bite, they don't have the same affect on me. Other things make me much happier. Take the time to get to know yourself and what makes you happy outside of food. Find ways to incorporate those things in your life as much as you can. Keep a journal and when you find something that makes you happy, write it down. Eventually you will have a long list of things to do.

Beach Patrol
08-18-2011, 09:38 AM
Even though I have no restrictions in my calorie-counting (as long as it fits into my daily caloric intake) I sometimes miss being able to just eat without care. What I DON'T miss is the gross, bloated feeling I would get after eating. That (and the fact that I fit into a size 8 now!) keep me from going back to those habits. Even with this stopping me, I still sometimes wish I could go out to eat without looking at the calorie counts on the menu.

I could have written this! (except for the size 8 part... I'm 162 lb & 5'3" (& a half!!!) and I'm a size 12... sigh!!! :?:

But yeah, I sooooo don't miss that gross bloated feeling!!! In fact, that is my new high now!!! I love the feeling of having eaten a full meal, kept my calories within range, and don't feel like I wanna throw up. It's a good thing!!! :D :carrot: :cb: :broc:

sept15lija
08-18-2011, 10:06 AM
I have moments like that too. I remember going out and just ordering whatever the heck I wanted and eating it, and I usually didn't even feel that sick afterwards, just full! Calories were never something I worried or cared about, too much. It was a struggle to change. But I would never want to go back now. I am one of those who can eat half a burger or a small slice of cake and fit it into my calories. Early on, it was difficult to restrict myself, so I cut it out entirely. But over time the ability to control myself came, and now it's fairly easy to do. But I get everyone may not be able to do that...but just know it might come for you.

The high I get now is keeping my body at my new healthy weight, enjoying all of the things it can do and how good I feel, and also enjoying all the foods I eat every day - no question I still love to eat! :)

djs06
08-18-2011, 10:17 AM
You know, I actually think about this a lot. While I'm 100% an emotional eater and have had some out of control binges that feel horrible, there are way many more times and events in which I have a positive association with food. Parties, social events, weekends, all that stuff. I still haven't broken the Saturday night takeout habit, which sometimes gives way to the Sunday-monday-Tuesday-Wednesday takeout habit.

I think all of this comes with time. You need enough experiences where you have fun without the food to convince yourself that's possible. Logically I know that it is but some part of my brain still doesn't believe it.

sabri711
08-18-2011, 11:29 AM
I agree, It is really difficult not to eat without reckless abandon. One thing that I keep telling myself when I am trying to avoid doing exactly that is this quote I found on this site. I am not sure if it was in someones signature, or where I saw it, but I found it to be very inspirational. it goes something like this: "It is 1000 times easier to not eat something, than it is to work off the calories later".. That does it for me.. As much as I love eating.. and I love food. (I am italian... its in my blood) I hate exercise... I hate sweating... I hate the monotony of it... so if not eating this bagel now, will make me need to work a little less later on, that is enough of a motivation for me.. Also, my curse is that I loose my boobs first, and my stomach and hips (the largest part of me) last... which sucks.. however.. it also means that for the first time in years, I can see my collar bone... and so when I want to over indulge, I look in a mirror at my collar bone, and wonder if that slice of cake is worth loosing my collar bone over...

My main issue personally.. is that eating is a very social thing. I live in a city.. and when I go out with friends, we go for dinner after work... or an after work drink.. Obviously this does not always work into my diet... It is easy enough to find something on the menu that fits into my diet at a restaurant... but for drinks... not so much.

What do you guys do socially in place of eating?

berryblondeboys
08-18-2011, 11:41 AM
I started out with overeating and binging with emotional eating. I conquered teh binge eating and emotional eating, but I still ate whatever I wanted. I never felt gross or bloated. Or at least never realized it as maybe that's how I always felt?

I truly believed, "What is the point of being skinny? I want to enjoy my life and I enjoy food. I would rather give up 5-10 years of my life to be able to enjoy food - any of it, whenever I want. What's the point of living to 85 years old if I have to give up things that I love?"

Well, like most things, it's not that simple. It's more than dying at 75-80. It's HOW I live until that age when I finally die. What will the quality of life be like?

I ate without abandon. Truly did. I ate what I wanted and never exercised and I was beginning to feel really, really bad. Really really tired and I wasn't enjoying life so much. I was only 40. Finally went to the doctor about the daily headaches I had been having for 3 months straight and discovered I had terribly high blood pressure (230/130), high blood sugar and a super inactive thyroid. I was going to have to go on three meds just to regular my body - things my body should mostly be able to do if I were taking better care of it.

And, if at age 40 I needed to take these meds, what would my future look like? Plus, I didn't want to be dependent on meds for something I had control over. I would feel like a hypocrite. Being on thyroid meds, OK, but the rest - I could change if I wanted.

So, I changed everything up. I stopped eating simple carbs (though I can eat potatoes as they don't affect my blood sugar at all). I gave up all breads, rice, sweet potatoes and cereals except quinoa (same thing - no effect on blood sugar). I started calorie counting. I started exercising 6 days a week.

And you know what? I feel absolutely great! I have energy to do things and I WANT to do things and go places. I still enjoy my food, I just eat less of it. And if I wouldn't have been so stupid about my eating for all those years, I wouldn't be diabetic. Because i was stupid, I have to give up foods or take meds. I've chosen giving up foods....so my gluttony means NO sweet cakes and such whereas if I had been more moderate with my eating, I could still eat those things and not worry about their effect on my blood sugar. I was just STUPID. I just didn't really know how much better I could feel with taking better care of myself.

And when it comes to eating out and social events. There are great items on the menu anywhere that can fit into almost anyone's diet. It's just choosing that over the other stuff. Same with potlucks.

Plus, I've found that now I can't eat without abandon. I do feel ill and a few times of over indulging knowingly and I don't want to do it again. It's like a Pavlovian thing - I know eating more than I usually do makes me feel bad, so now I don't even desire to eat that second helping of whatever.

Rana
08-18-2011, 12:48 PM
I sympathize too.

I've never thought of myself as an emotional eater, but food plays a strong role in my life. It is what my family "does" to express their love and to spend time together. Food is still central to my life.

Over the last two years, I've had to change some fundamental things of how I viewed that food. Food had become TOO important in my life!!! Was I really going to have a fit because I wasn't going to have a slice of cake every day (oh yes, I used to!!!)?!

(Or in your case, are you really not going to enjoy your vacation because you're going to control what you're eating?!?!?!)

I realized I was being a baby and a wimp, because there are millions of people out there who have perfectly wonderful and normal lives without those foods in their lives and they were happy and thinner and probably more successful than me because they were actual grown ups and I was just a kid in a grown up body...

Sometimes I still get hints of that... but I have found ways to change things around. With my friends, we used to go out to eat and that was how we socialized. I continued to socialize with them, but I told them I just wouldn't eat at the restaurant. I discovered some of them were struggling with money and couldn't afford to go to restaurants, so it was a win-win for all of us! We also started to exercise together, which is a good way of socializing, it makes cycling 20 miles effortless.

We also started getting together at someone's home and bringing our own food..... for some it was a way to save money, for others (me!) it was a way to save calories.

Slowly, my friends know I am being healthy and they have adapted to my choices.

I've also learned to say no. I'm working... since it's not perfect.... to disassociate food with celebrations or "escapes" or breaks or whatever. You can still have a full social life, but instead of focusing on the food, you now have to focus on people.... which is a different way of approaching socialization.... and it may even affect your relationships (for better or worse)...

carter
08-18-2011, 01:38 PM
My main issue personally.. is that eating is a very social thing. I live in a city.. and when I go out with friends, we go for dinner after work... or an after work drink.. Obviously this does not always work into my diet... It is easy enough to find something on the menu that fits into my diet at a restaurant... but for drinks... not so much.


Then order a club soda. Or budget your calories that day to make room for a glass of wine.


What do you guys do socially in place of eating?

You can go to a museum or go for a walk if the friends are amenable to it. But you don't have to replace dining with your friends - you can still do it. I do it often, I go out and spend time with my friends. I suggest places where I know there will be something I can order that's within my plan. I order as well as I can off the menu of whatever place we go to. I sometimes eat something ahead of time so I'm not starving when I'm presented with a menu. I make the purpose of the outing spending time with my friends, not stuffing my face with as many tasty treats as possible. Occasionally I budget calories for something special. Even, once in a long while, I veer off plan for one meal and know that I'll get right back on plan at the next eating opportunity.

To be a little blunt, for me this is all just a matter of being an adult - of saying "no" to my inner-three-year old. My little nephew throws tantrums when he can't have the food he wants. I hold myself to a higher standard than that. It's not the end of the world if I eat a salad with the dressing on the side while the person sitting across from me tucks into a brick oven pizza. It's not the end of the world if my friend enjoys a martini while I drink a club soda. If I really worried that exercising some control when presented with a menu would make my life miserable and not worth living, I would be sorely in need of some perspective.