Weight Loss Support - Why am I not happier about my weight loss?




runningfromfat
08-16-2011, 01:31 PM
Lately I've just been feeling really discouraged about my weight loss. It's kind of hard to explain so bare with me here. It seems to be that there's somewhat of a war going on in my head between what I know about weight loss and what I feel about it. Just some examples:

- For the last 7lbs or so I haven't lost any inches in my bust/waist/hips. I know I'm losing elsewhere but I have a long ways to go, especially in my waist, so it's really frustrating not to see that budge. Add to that that I have a wedding to go to in about 2 months and I really was hoping to be down a size by then but if I keep losing everywhere but there it's not going to happen!

- I went clothing shopping this weekend because they had a lot of great sales this time of year. It looks like my bust is roughly two sizes bigger than my waist/hips so dresses just looked horrid on me. Either they would fit perfectly everywhere but the bust (and then I just couldn't zip it up or the buttons were really bulging) or they fit in the bust but I would have had MAJOR alterations to fix the waist because it made me look pregnant! Add to that that most of the cute clothes didn't even carry sizes large enough to fit my bust at all. :mad: I'm feeling especially discourages because it's reminding me of how difficult it has always been for me (even at my smallest) to find clothes that fit well. I've never been able to wear button up shirts or any dresses that were fitted around the bust.

- Lately I've been getting a lot of attention from guys on the street. I HATE IT. I hate that guys thinks that it's ok to yell out comments about women who walk by like we're a piece of meat. I'm happily married and can't even wear my wedding ring anymore because a metal allergy that I've picked up that just makes matters worst. It's like whenever I try to look half way decent for ME or for my DH then I get these stupid comments and they really upset me. :mad:

- I have this stupid idea in my head lately that even if I lose the next 28lbs to get to a healthy BMI that I'm still going to be BIG. It's silly, I know, but sometimes I just don't feel like I've come as far as I'd like.

- Some years back a friend of mine gave me this really pretty skirt for my b-day. I was very excited about it but when I tried it on there was no way I could zip it up. I remember feeling so embarrassed about it because there would be no way I could wear her present at that time. Even at my lowest adult weight (175lbs) it never fit. I tried it on today and it fit! I should be happy about it but when I see myself in the mirror I just feel huge still.

- I know this one is especially irrational but sometimes I see other women around my same height on here who have starting weights close to my goal weight talking about how big they let themselves get. I KNOW that it's such an individual thing because of muscle tone/frame size etc but I still let it get to me at times. :(

Sorry for the whole emotional baggage dump here but I'm just feeling really down right now about the whole weight loss thing and I'm trying to figure out why I'm not happier about my successes.


ennay
08-16-2011, 01:45 PM
Accept that your mind and body will change at different rates. And that somethings your mind will fight you on for a long long long time

Pick a new spot to measure. I do the same thing, I lost a bunch of weight and the "big 3" didnt move. My thighs were doing their thing then.

I'm with you on the dresses, and as I lose weight it gets worse, there are a few styles that will work better than others but often instead of dresses I do go with a skirt. Your body shape is your body shape and it will still look better healthy than unhealthy, you may just have to learn how to dress it.

I have big shoulders and boobs, a thick waist and virtually no hips when I am thin. A wrap style dress to create the illusion of a waist with cleavage can work or a longer bust skimming top and a shorter skirt to emphasize the legs. (dont emphasize legs AND cleavage, it makes you look squatty). One of my favorite tops has a cowl collar that still allows the V but not cleavagy, is black, is a bit snug at the bust but not too snug and skims down to my hip bones with a slight tailor. Combine with a swingy above the knee skirt and heels and I look thinner and taller.

Anybody yelling anything on the street isnt worthy of your energy. If you start telling yourself that it has ANYTHING to do with you remind yourself that they would probably say something regardless of what you look like because it has nothing to do with you.

And I hear you on the weight/friends thing but also allow that they have a right to their own journey. I try to save my annoyances at that level for my running friends who call themselves fat if their weight creeps into the healthy zone instead of underweight. And it has reminded me that once my weight is near a healthy zone I am not allowed to call myself fat. Only "not where I want to be"

puneri
08-16-2011, 01:57 PM
Some ppl forget how to be happy and celebrate small small success. Be greatful to God for what you have achieved. For each pound post on blog and try to be happy. That will help you more. Do not be your worst critique.


gmailjunkie
08-17-2011, 12:07 AM
Your starting stats are similar to mine so I find your progress very inspiring, please don't be dscouraged!

RE big bust lines. I'm a very busty apple with very narrow hips, flat bottom and narrow shoulders and a short neck so I'm difficult to dress. I also have a legal job that requires me to wear suits to court and meetings which means I either look matronly (I'm 25) or like a line backer (shoulder pads-ugh).

That being said I've found things that I feel really good in even at this size (18/20 on top, 14/16 bottom). Button down shirts are challenging without being tailored- but a tailor also isn't the end of the world and the results are worth it. But honestly even in my business/business casual wardrobe I don't NEED a button down.There are good button-less alternatives.

I second the call for wrap dresses. I would even suggest belted dresses. There are many drawbacks to being an apple, especially an exaggerated apple but I think one of the benefits is that we can fake an hour glass much more easily than can an exaggerated pear and you might have a thicker waist but ironically a well placed wide belt can create the illusion of a narrower one especially with an A-line and or full skirt.

And I think our shape is like our hair. It has limitations, but that's true for anyone. My best friend is a slightly overweight pair. And she will never be able to wear a mini skirt (baseball bat legs) but I can when I'm thinner just like I will NEVER look as good in a halter top as she does.
It is what it is.

RE not being able to see progress. I have the same problem so I think I'm going to have to start to take pictures.Its great that you've been taking measurement though so at least logically you know you are smaller.

Good Luck and I hope you feel better!

DollFaceBella
08-17-2011, 12:26 AM
I understand and I am in the same boat. I've lost 27 lbs and inside my head, it sure doesn't feel like it. I think that perhaps I was hoping that losing a few would change my whole outlook on life or perhaps even my life in general. I'm slowly coming to realize that I need to do this for myself because I need to know that I can alter things, one step at a time...eventually my life will change.

christine123
08-17-2011, 12:40 AM
I can relate to what you've posted. I've lost about 25-30lbs since December. I only found 3FC in June. I was around 175lbs when I started on December 27. I don't feel the same "rush" or excitement I used to feel when I've lost weight before. That has truly affected my motivation, even though I am staying the course. I think this is because for me, my life didn't drastically change in the ways I thought it would. It's nice to fit into my old clothes but it's not as exciting as I had hoped. I like being thinner, I am more confident, but I struggle with all of the same issues I've had before. Some are even more highlighted now, and I don't have as much of the protective coating of fat to hide behind. Every single day I have to remind myself that food won't fix it. While I have been less motivated, I've worked exceptionally hard and the weight is coming off at a snail's pace. I don't really want to undo this. I just wish I felt better. Hugs!

0059500
08-17-2011, 01:18 AM
Look at it this way - would you rather be the weight you are now or back to square one when you first started? You just have to keep motivating yourself.. or maybe there is some other insecurities you have? I'm no therapist but there are woman your size who are perfectly content with their bodies and women much bigger than you who are also content. You have to find peace with yourself in order to be happy ..just don't give up on your goals.

I know your frustration.. I remember a few years back dieting, I lost 7 lbs but was still 15 lbs away from weight loss goal and I became so frustrated that I just gave up and stopped.. in fact, I ate more and ended up gaining the 7 lbs back plus an extra 5 until I told myself that this wasn't okay. You should really be proud of your success and be strong enough to have future success in your goals. I also have a large bust.. I'm a 34F at just 5 feet tall and understand that men can be pigs. For shirts, I suggest wearing a simple tight fitted shirt in a dark color with a light unbuttoned sweater over.. I wish those crop tops and baggy shirts would go out of style already because they also make me look pregnant!

good luck to you :)

twinmommaplusone
08-17-2011, 01:41 AM
all sounds normal to me :hug:

you'll get through, promise you!

Sued1971
08-17-2011, 09:25 AM
- I went clothing shopping this weekend because they had a lot of great sales this time of year. It looks like my bust is roughly two sizes bigger than my waist/hips so dresses just looked horrid on me. Either they would fit perfectly everywhere but the bust (and then I just couldn't zip it up or the buttons were really bulging) or they fit in the bust but I would have had MAJOR alterations to fix the waist because it made me look pregnant! Add to that that most of the cute clothes didn't even carry sizes large enough to fit my bust at all. :mad: I'm feeling especially discourages because it's reminding me of how difficult it has always been for me (even at my smallest) to find clothes that fit well. I've never been able to wear button up shirts or any dresses that were fitted around the bust.
.

Not quite that much of a size difference for me at least one, but not sure about 2, but I do know how challenging it is to find flattering clothes when you have a larger bust. I usually look for tops with stretch and don't wear dresses. Have you been measured for a bra? A great fitting bra that provides lift (and some time reduces the appearance of size) can make cloth shopping SO much better.

Last time I lost weight (I hope I never have to say that again and *this* is the last time.) I found a great bra and let me say, I really enjoyed my shopping trip.

runningfromfat
08-17-2011, 11:36 AM
Thanks everyone for the comments, advice, and kind words. The main purpose of this journey for me has been health and in that regards I'm definitely not at my goal (I still get back pain from my bust and my knees are bad from carrying the extra weight). I also want to lose a lot more because we want to TTC for #2 and I'd like to get to a lower prepregnancy weight. However, it's definitely frustrating when the appearance part isn't where you want/expected it to be.

ennay yep, my thighs actually were losing during that time. i was just more frustrated because I wasn't nearly as upset at my thighs as I was at my stomach. ;) I know I can't ever spot reduce but with my "big 3" large enough it seemed like it was about time for them to get smaller too!

I really loved this:

And I hear you on the weight/friends thing but also allow that they have a right to their own journey. I try to save my annoyances at that level for my running friends who call themselves fat if their weight creeps into the healthy zone instead of underweight. And it has reminded me that once my weight is near a healthy zone I am not allowed to call myself fat. Only "not where I want to be"

and need to remember it when i get to a healthy BMI!

puneri- I am happy that the pounds are coming off, it's certainly better than the alternative. It's more of dealing with issues that I've forgotten about that have already been there when I was at a smaller weights.


gmailjunkie- Thanks for the dressing advice. How much have you found that tailoring outfits affected the overall price of it? I've never had anything altered beyond my wedding dress but it seems like it's something I really need to look into now for work clothes. Another issue with that is that my bust size here is the largest size they carry so many times I can't even buy clothes in that size because they're sold out. Ugh. I'd just love to have a nice fitting dress, sigh...

Oh, and thanks for me being an insipiration! :D


DollFaceBella- Yes, I really get what you're saying. Sometimes you feel like weight loss is this magic wand that will fix everything in your life and that just isn't the case. I definitely need to keep on losing but also work on finding solutions to these other problems too in the process.


christine123- Yes to everything you've said. I'm also losing a lot slower than on previous attempts. In many ways the slower weight loss has been good because I've needed to address other issues along the way and it's given me time to do that. But it's just strange how fitting into old, smaller clothes was built up to such a wonderful thing in my mind but now that I can I'm like, "eh" about it. I still need to stick with it, though.


0059500- Yes, I'm definitely happier than when I started and I'm not about to give up anytime soon. ;) Ugh, and I hear you on those baggy shirts, button down everything etc. It seems like many of the things that are in style really look bad on me! :dizzy:


twinmommaplusone- Thanks!


Sued1971- bra shopping is a whole other complaint here! :( Unfortunately, they don't have any bras in larger cup sizes so I've had to order online. I did going by my measurements and the cup sizes ended up being too small (plus I had to pay insanely high custom taxes so I couldn't return them). What I've ended up doing was cutting of about 4 inches off of the back of my old bras and that seemed to work more or less. Certainly not the best fit ever but the best I could do with that I had available. We might go to the states later this year and then I could get a professional fitting and actually try some on.

gmailjunkie
08-18-2011, 11:22 PM
Its not terribly hard here to find inexpensive quality tailoring. I only bother with suits or with high quality fabrics that are a little on the pricier side to begin with (If I'm going to spend money on a nicer fabric it better fit like a glove!) I think tailoring for higher end things is pricier but its never added more than 15 or 20 dollars to a higher end item.

one small bowl
08-19-2011, 04:11 PM
As for clothes, I read recently read an article about how our basic shape never changes, that is genetic, we get larger or smaller, but stay the same basic shape. I have found (having been obese and thin at different time in my adult life) that clothing fits better at some weights than others. I have all these awkward weights when nothing fits right and it can be a much reduced size! SO be patient with this transition period. Some cuts will fit better than others and look more flattering too. I would love to wear dresses again, but with my apple shape, I look pregnant and larger in the lovely summer dresses I would love to wear here in Hawaii.

As for the ambiguity of losing weight, I sure do feel it too. One moment I am so happy to be "so thin" and another moment I realize I am only half way there and no way is it "thin" yet. I think halfway marks are the hardest. One feels so much better, but one is not there yet. It also takes considerable determination to keep plugging away at it, day after day. I get angry sometimes when I feel like it will never happen and another day I will feel so grateful I came as far as I did. It's a rollercoaster ride.

Writing and sharing about these feelings really helps and I hope it has passed for you for now.

kelly315
08-19-2011, 04:21 PM
- I have this stupid idea in my head lately that even if I lose the next 28lbs to get to a healthy BMI that I'm still going to be BIG. It's silly, I know, but sometimes I just don't feel like I've come as far as I'd like.

I should be happy about it but when I see myself in the mirror I just feel huge still.

- I know this one is especially irrational but sometimes I see other women around my same height on here who have starting weights close to my goal weight talking about how big they let themselves get. I KNOW that it's such an individual thing because of muscle tone/frame size etc but I still let it get to me at times. :(

Sounds like you're having a bit of body dysmorphia. It's very normal for people who have lost a lot of weight to have mental pictures of themselves that don't fit the way they actually look. With some time and care, your self image will readjust.

http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/Body-Dysmorphia (http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/Body-Dysmorphia)

As far as the other women go, I know exactly what you mean. Even on a place that's as conducive to weight loss as 3FC, you get a lot of people in normal BMI ranges basically hating on themselves and their weight. The truth of the matter is, they're just looking for the cause of their unhappiness about their bodies, and it's easy to blame weight. In reality, many women are unhappy for any number of reasons, and make hurtful comments about themselves without realizing that their weight might not actually be most of what's bothering them. It's okay to want to lose a few pounds while you're in the normal BMI range, but it's not okay to make hateful comments about "fat" or any weight, even if they're directed toward yourself. It would be as if I wrote hateful things about my own gender, ethnicity, or disorder- it's still harmful to all others who have the characteristics you hate.

While I agree that it's completely rude and inappropriate to make fun of a person's weight (even if it's your own) on a weight loss forum where there are people double and triple the size, I don't necessarily think that these people do it be harmful. Self-hate is rarely logical, and I'm sure if they were looking at someone else at that weight they would not be thinking the same things.

fitmom
08-19-2011, 04:25 PM
Why not measure other body parts instead of just focusing on the bust, hips and waist? You could measure your neck, forearm, wrist, calf, thigh, ankle, etc. Surely, one of those places on your body has gone down from you losing weight. That will make it more 'real' for you, I think.

We all have times when we look in the mirror and still see 'that girl' peering back at us. Believe me, I've been there, lol. You're not alone. :hug:

belmagick
08-19-2011, 04:55 PM
Everyone's given some really great advice r.e. weight and body image so I wanted to address the street harrassment side of your post.

Street harassment is about one individual trying to feel powerful by saying (and sometimes doing things) that makes a complete stranger feel stupid/helpless/frightened. It has got nothing to do with how much you weigh nor what you look like.

:hug: It's horrible and if it really is getting to you then check out hollaback http://www.ihollaback.org/ . You can post stories of street harassment and get support from other women. Some even take pictures of their harasser (if it's safe to do so) so they can be recognised by other women. There's a lot of campagning to try and raise awareness about it and these women have set up local blogs so you can access support closer to your local area if you want.

pointspluspioneer
08-19-2011, 05:32 PM
I feel the same way as you do, OP, when it comes to image. Like you said you are wearing a skirt that never fit...THAT'S GREAT!! But i know what you mean, my therapist said it's within, that i could get to a size 2 and still not be happy with how i look. I've gained almost the 18 lbs after surgery in May so i'm really distraught but trying to get back on my feet and exercising and eating much better now :) We can do this! Wish i had the magic words...but i don't or i would be better myself lol ;)

Congrats on your impressive weight loss :)

Bellamack
08-19-2011, 06:04 PM
all sounds normal to me :hug:

you'll get through, promise you!

YOU R AWESOME!

runningfromfat
08-20-2011, 10:21 AM
Thanks everyone so much for your help and ideas. I've been thinking a lot lately about my issues and I think a great deal of them surround moving to a foreign country recently where a different body type is normal and standards of beauty are somewhat different.

Where I live now women tend to be pear shape and if they do gain weight at most it's in the stomach but not at all in the bust. It doesn't bother me to stick it out in the crowd in this regard but it does bother me immensely what side effects this has on me: 1.) bra shopping here is impossible with a small rib-cage/large bust 2.) clothes are not built in my size AT ALL and in reality even after losing all this weight I'd have to shop in the plus-size clothing stores (and they do NOT have cute clothes there like in the US!!!!) to find something to fit my bust (and the rest of the outfit would just engulf me) add to that that the plus-size stores start at a US size 8, which just ramps up the insecurities! :dizzy: 3.) I wonder if this is in part where I get yelled at more because I stick out. And those things are affecting me, quite a bit right now. :( You get this idea with weight loss that you'll get to wear more clothes and shop anywhere but instead while in the US I can wear a 10-12 here I'm an XL (in my top) and still can't always fit into normal sizes. It's like running on a treadmill where you don't feel like you're going anywhere, sigh...

gmailjunkie - thanks! That's a lot cheaper than I thought! I might actually talk to a seamstress today and see what prices are like since there's one just down the street from me.


one small bowl - I'm hoping this is like you said just an awkward weight. It would be really nice to thing that this too shall pass. I think I'm feeling happier about my size (in general) now but am more upset about the whole clothes issue since it's making my enjoy my body less (because I can't find clothes that let me show it off at all and am still wearing very simple clothes/old clothes)


kelly315- I think to some extent it could be body dysmorphia (and like I said above cause from moving to a different country). I don't really fault the other women who are complaining about the weight (even though they are much smaller than me). It's more I'm trying to figure how to deal with my own insecurities in that regard, you know what I mean? I have a large frame and am rather muscular and no matter what I do I'm not going to get to the lower-end of my BMI. I think part of this is me accepting that body type. It's an issue that I haven't had to worry about in a long time because of all the other layers covering my body but now that I'm getting closer to my goal it's reminding me of long since forgotten insecurities when it comes to never been "small".

fitmom - Yep, I do measure everywhere. ;) I have lost some from my thighs and I *think* from my arms (I was measuring flexed before and couldn't figure out why they were getting bigger! :lol: then I measured with my arm flat against my body and it appears that I have lost some weight there) but I was really hoping to drop another clothing size soon and that won't happen without at least an inch or two loss on my B/W/H. I know I should be happy with any weight loss but it's still frustrating.

belmagick - Thanks, I will check out that link!

pointspluspioneer and Bellamack- Thanks so much for the support!