100 lb. Club - I stand here not knowing exactly where to go or what to do




Smiling_Sara
08-15-2011, 10:38 PM
I know I have been around off and on....mostly off, and it shows on the scale. I will just say it, as painful as it is, and trust me, it is. I have gained back 17 pounds within a year. Last summer I was at my lowest of 185, and was 7 pounds away from hitting 100 pounds lost mark.

It's hard to explain what happened, but I will try. I started getting more attention to my new, more trim body, and at 185, while still obese, I thought I looked pretty good, and apparently others did too, and that SCARED me. :(

I would get a "Oh My, you look amazing", and men would start to flirt and look at me in ways they rarely have before....and yes, this scared me.

Of course, this is just a small issue of many. It's not secret that I emotionally eat, and I have been depressed lately, depressed that I can't hold normal relationships with the opposite sex when everyone around me can. I refuse to even be introduced to someone new cause of issues revolving me and romance. ( or lack there of )

Shoot, I even upped my physical activity, I still worked out 3-4 days a week at the gym, and took a zumba class every week. I guess I should be thankful I kept up with physical activity.

Exactly a year. Exactly 17 pounds gained. Depressed and SO ANGRY at myself for allowing this to happen. 7 freaking pounds from 100 lost and I let myself go for issues I can't even explain correctly.

I just don't know what to do anymore. But thought I'd at least get this out there and vent a bit. See if you amazing people can give me any advice or even simple words of encouragement, or at least an e-hug. I know I must change, but not sure how to when I know in order to change the outside, you have to change the inside, and I tell ya, my insides are confused and beaten up :(

Sometimes I feel so alone, has anyone ever gone through this before to get past it and excel at this journey of life?


WannaBeLoserAgain
08-15-2011, 10:45 PM
Girl! Get back on Plan!

MariaMaria
08-16-2011, 12:03 AM
So you're down 75 pounds and you've identified at least part of why you gained in the first place. Is that all bad?

What kind of resources do you have to work on the inside--is therapy an option?

FWIW you're far from the only woman who's eaten to try to be invisible to men.


JamiSue3916
08-16-2011, 12:15 AM
First off...BIG :hug:. While I haven't been in your shoes, I'm certain that what you're going through isn't easy.

That said...I think your profile name says it all. You were Born to Fly. I think it's time you embrace that part of who you are. That person must have been inside dying to get out when you started this journey and I think she's still there.

So...fly girl. And love yourself and your journey and your success so much that the extra attention is barely noticeable. :D

Wyllowbelle
08-16-2011, 12:26 AM
Not to mention - you're catching yourself before you fall so hard it feels impossible to get back up.

So you've distanced yourself from romantic interactions. Right on. More time to focus on you. As cheesy as it sounds, YOU need to woo you. YOU need to fall in love with you again. And let the others wait in line.

I am a huge fan of therapy. When used correctly, it helps you work it out and then sends you on your merry way with tools that you need. Plus, as a mother of two and a partner to someone in school full time, I LOVE going to talk to someone who is paid to just listen to me. Not side with Eric for his (obvious!) issues or back my mom up when she's (never!) right. ME. It feels good to work on what I want to work on and talk about what I need to talk about.

You obviously have amazing self awareness. You have amazing strength (look how far you've come, Baby!) You just need to put your priorities back in line, dust yourself off, put your support system in place, and get back on it. Not for those 17 lbs. Whatever. For your sense of self that's been hurt so much.

Oh... and don't let your inside voice talk to you so harshly. We let our inner critics be SO HARD. If you wouldn't say those same things to your best friend in the same tone that you are saying to yourself, then it's time to put that bit... *ahem* beast in her cage.

You are amazing!

-Kiki

Madame Souza
08-16-2011, 01:54 AM
First of all :hug:
You need to give yourself credit.
-You were 7 pounds away from your goal.
-You stayed with working out and exercise.
-You only gained 17 lbs in a year.
-You realized what you were doing and instead of ignoring it, you are facing up to it and dealing with it
Working on issues is never easy but you can't work on them if you don't acknowledge they are there. You are doing the first and hardest thing already. Good for you! You are very strong to have come so far and you can get through this. Focus on your strengths and doing this for yourself so you will feel healthy, strong and good. Go easy on yourself and know that you are doing a great job living this life.

twinmommaplusone
08-16-2011, 08:44 AM
Born to fly,

You are feeling remorse and regret over living. You made a choice (s) and now you have learned from them. This is Life and it has taught you something you didnt know otherwise.

Now you have choices. Wallow and stay the same or Stand up TAll and start taking your life back again. You do need to take care of yourself and not just because of beauty or getting a man or anything like that but because it does make you feel good, it does make you healthy!

Get back on track, control your life and I'm sure that all this relationship stuff will be a non-issue when you feel good about yourself and you have met the right person!

Hugs

linJber
08-16-2011, 09:29 AM
I could write what originally came into my head as I read your post, but I would be echoing what everyone else has said so far.

To stop last year when you were so close to your goal was probably a defense mechanism. I hope you resolve your emotional issues, because it sounds like you don't feel you deserve to be at the weight you set as your goal. Or perhaps, by never achieving it, you don't have to keep it.

We are such emotional beings. We are SOOOO much harder on ourselves than we are on each other. PLEASE take time to allow yourself to think about how you feel about you. Love you. Take care of you. Forgive you. Accept you. Then go forward and re-lose the 17 pounds (not so bad, really) and the additional 7. Last time you were on a "diet" to lose about 125 pounds. This time you're on a diet to lose a LOT LESS! Last year is gone. Now is NOW. Make the most of it.

We all get sidetracked sometimes. I read so many posts in here about people slipping a little and then not wanting to come back because they messed up. This forum is like family. No one rejects us because of a small (yes, small) mistake. Please use us all as your support until you get back on track and straighten things out. You are worthy of success. You will achieve it with determination and help from your friends.

Lin

devnet
08-16-2011, 10:11 AM
Everyone already said everything I was thinking. Time to get back on the horse, you can do this!

runningfromfat
08-16-2011, 10:40 AM
:hug:

I have to agree with what others said that it's great that you ONLY gained 17lbs AND that you've actually increased your exercise levels! It looks like you already have good exercise habits in place and you only need to focus on your food intake which means getting back on plan is only going to take half the effort vs. when you started.

I get what you're saying about male attention. I'm happily married but it feels VERY uncomfortable for me when guys will try to hit on my on the street. I've forgotten how much I disliked that since it's been so long since I've been at a lower weight (and I'm still at the high end of overweight).

One thing I will say about dating/relationships is that maybe you're feeling awkward and like you're failing at it because you're not looking for guys that share your interests? I always really sucked at the dating scene growing up and it wasn't until I went to college and eventually grad school where I found guys with similar interests to myself. With DH it was almost effortless because we are so alike in many ways (and he also went through an awkward stage with girls).

FitGirlyGirl
08-16-2011, 11:45 AM
Some of the things that I was going to say have already been said several times over and probably with better wording than I would have used, so I will start by saying that I agree with the posters before me.

One thing that struck me was that you said the attention from men "scared" you. I do not know what your history is with men or why you are scared, and it is none of our business until or unless you want to share it. However, I will tell you about my history though in case it and/or my solution to it helps you in any way. When I was 13 I lost my virginity to rape. When I was 15 I began an unhealthy relationship with a much older man. At 16 I started a different relationship with a boy that was at least my own age, but who was extremely abusive with most of the abuse being mental and emotional. When I was 21 I married one of my best friends while we were both grieving the loss of my mother, the marriage lasted 9 months to the day, though we are still the best of friends. At 22 (heart broken over the divorce and on the rebound) I began a relationship with another abusive man, this time the abuse was mostly physical but there were emotional aspects as well. After our final fight and the police taking him away I finally saw someone and went through some therapy. During that time I learned that part of my weight issues had to do with the abuse I had suffered from men and me trying to make myself unattractive and thereby protect myself from them. The logical part of my brain knew that rape and abuse are not about what the victim looks like, but we don't always work on logic. I got married again to a man who didn't hurt me. We weren't right together, but he was a good man and he helped me start to heal. I started learning that some men could be trusted. I am now married for a 3rd and final time to another wonderful man who loves me no matter what size I am, but I was still unable to lose weight. Finally the docs said I was diabetic and I knew I had to do something so I started to lose weight, but I found myself with similar feelings as you, I was scared of the men who started looking at me. I'm not scared now though. What finally stopped my fear was to learn some self defense and martial arts. I also took up weight lifting. I not only look good, I am strong and I can kick someone's butt if he tries to do anything other than look.

I have no idea if your reasons for being scared of mens' attention are anything like what mine were, but do know that there are solutions other than allowing yourself to stay unhealthy. You deserve to be healthy. It doesn't have to be about them, it needs to be about you. You can do this. The path that you need to take may end up being more complicated than what you originally thought it would be, but there is a path that will lead you where you want to go. :hug:

Gale02
08-16-2011, 11:57 AM
Not to mention - you're catching yourself before you fall so hard it feels impossible to get back up.

So you've distanced yourself from romantic interactions. Right on. More time to focus on you. As cheesy as it sounds, YOU need to woo you. YOU need to fall in love with you again. And let the others wait in line.

I am a huge fan of therapy. When used correctly, it helps you work it out and then sends you on your merry way with tools that you need. Plus, as a mother of two and a partner to someone in school full time, I LOVE going to talk to someone who is paid to just listen to me. Not side with Eric for his (obvious!) issues or back my mom up when she's (never!) right. ME. It feels good to work on what I want to work on and talk about what I need to talk about.

You obviously have amazing self awareness. You have amazing strength (look how far you've come, Baby!) You just need to put your priorities back in line, dust yourself off, put your support system in place, and get back on it. Not for those 17 lbs. Whatever. For your sense of self that's been hurt so much.

Oh... and don't let your inside voice talk to you so harshly. We let our inner critics be SO HARD. If you wouldn't say those same things to your best friend in the same tone that you are saying to yourself, then it's time to put that bit... *ahem* beast in her cage.

You are amazing!

-Kiki

This!!

If therapy is an option for you, it's definitely something to look into. It's completely revolutionized the way I travel this weight loss journey, dealing with the fear and anger and emotions behind the emotional eating.

:hug: Great job stopping things so early! 17lbs isn't that bad, definitely controllable. Keep on keeping on, you'll get there!

Sandi
08-16-2011, 02:02 PM
I would agree with most of what have already been posted.

I am glad to see you back!! You'll have that 17 lbs off in no time!!!

PghGal
08-16-2011, 09:19 PM
:hug:

Girl, get back on the wagon and keep on going. I echo what has already been said above --- you are strong, and you can do this!!

Someone wise once told me this, and maybe it will help you too. "The road to success is always under construction." :D We are all works in progress. Forgive yourself and move forward.

124chicksinger
08-16-2011, 09:35 PM
I won't give you diet advice....you got plenty of that here.
As to romance, it will happen when you least expect it.

Skinny in Oz
08-16-2011, 09:50 PM
I can only add a little bit to the usual 3FC wisdom above:

One of the best ways to counter mild to moderate depression is with exercise; exercise is at least as good as most medications, with none of the spooky side effects and with some really neat positive side effects. So, make it a top priority to exercise every single day, preferably in the morning because the effect will help carry you through the day. Exercising outside is not always an option, but it does increase the uplifting effects --- even a 10 minutes stroll through a park is a great intervention. I know it can be very difficult to force yourself to do ANYTHING when waves of depression are threatening to drown you, but it is a matter of self-defense and survival; try just 5 minutes of walking and see if that isn't enough to let you walk 5 minutes more.

Reading your post, I am hearing a strong person who just needs a little help shifting her load around so she can carry it again. Look how much you have already accomplished! I hope you can find someone to talk to who will help you sort out the emotional side of your history --- and I think you will be AMAZED at what you will be do once that process is started.

http://www.iseesmileys.com/smileys/Panda_2/Panda_Hug_2.gif

Smiling_Sara
09-05-2011, 09:48 PM
Thank you so much for all your support everyone. Words can't tell you how much they are appreciated.

There may come a time when I seek professional help for my insecurity issues revolving myself and men, and finding comfort in food instead of other things. There is no known reason I have these feelings revolving men. I just know when I get paid attention to by men in a "wow, you look great" kind of way, it's like I have an elephant sitting on my chest.

Obviously something I need to work on. I've work to hard and wanted to be closer to my goal weight by this time, instead I'm up from last year. Going backwards is no longer an option.

Someone mentioned defense mechanism. I think that is a big part of it. And quite possibly if I don't get there, I don't have to keep it. But the thing is, is I WANT IT. And for totally me reasons. I want it cause I know it'll make me feel better.

PghGal, I love your quote, I will remember that.


I do want to say that through the gain, I have continued to be very active ( Thank God ) I think my body is addicted to the physical activity. So, even through working out 5 days a week, I managed to eat my way up to gaining 17 pounds. Crazy huh?

April Snow
09-05-2011, 10:02 PM
:hug::hug::hug:

just wanted to say ditto to all the wonderful advice you've gotten and add some extra hugs.

dragonwoman64
09-06-2011, 12:18 PM
I get the scary feeling attention from men can bring. You've gotten great advice, and obviously you knows tons about losing weight and have done a great job with it.

I don't know what's behind your fears, but in general I'd just add to keep in mind that you can control how fast you let another person get intimate (physically and emotionally) with you, you have control over who you let in, and you can handle it if all doesn't go the way you might want it to. :)

Plus, there are lots of positives to flirting and having relationships. You have those joys in your future.

Arctic Mama
09-06-2011, 12:53 PM
The other posters are right on. I know it seems like the end of the world now (I've had a small relapse, too, so I'm right there with you) but a little perspective goes a long way. A few pounds and some anxiety back on does not equal failing at everything you did over the past few years. You can take those 17 (or in my case 6) pounds right back off by doing what you know works and keeping your eyes on a healthy, balanced, positive approach.

We can do this!

bumbee
09-06-2011, 08:03 PM
I know how hard it is. I sit here after drinking two vodka cranberries and a plate of cracker and cheese,mind you i woke up this morning swearing off booze and carbs,yet here I am. I guess if it was easy we would all be thin. All i know is that i have to get back on the wagon tomorrow. I will slip so will you it happens. We just have to pick ourselves up and start again. What other choice do we have. I cant go back to 315 and you cant go back to 285, so lets forgive ourselves and move forward. I know we can do it

Curvaliscious
09-06-2011, 10:25 PM
Well, good grief. You need a HUGE hug and I don't know how to do the emoticon thing. So...(((((HUGS))))

So much great advice and support here. I think I like what Lin said....forgive yourself. Sometimes when I beat myself up over failing (however large or small) I don't think I deserve to move on or be more or have success. I don't feel like I am worthy and then that is my excuse for doing nothing.

As far as dating goes...again, I never thought I was worthy of dating or even hanging out with certain kinds of people (straight A, high-achieving people). So, I made some poor choices and missed out on meeting some neat people.

Now that I am married (yes, I married a super cute smarty) and have kids I see things a bit differently. I would never in a million years want my daughter thinking she wasn't good enough or deserving of a long, healthy, happy life. It is my job to see in her what she can't yet see in herself. A smart, beautiful and strong girl. If I can find those things in her, I must take the time to see the value in who I am.

Lastly, I always tell my kids. Winners Try, Losers Quit. YOU are a winner. You sound smart and thoughtful and the fact that you lost all that weight shows strength and determination. I think for many who are 100+ pnds overweight there are issues and because food is a natural way of comforting ourselves, then of course we will always struggle with this. Always.

I wish I had gained back just 17. I gained back 70. Ugh.

HUGS...again.:)