Weight Loss Support - My diet does not mean it's open season to criticize me




KatieC87
08-11-2011, 01:57 PM
I work in a corporate office that is fairly tight-knit. We only have 5 employees in our office on a daily basis, so we all know each other's business. Though I don't go into detail about my weight loss or calorie counting, I keep a post-it with my weight on my computer screen, and coworkers have definitely noticed a difference.

Sometimes, I make poor grocery decisions. As in, I buy a box of Raisin Bran thinking I'll wake up early enough to enjoy a bowl before work, when in reality I wake up early enough to brush my teeth, throw on some clothes and run out the door. (Okay, okay, I brush my hair and put on minimal makeup too.)

So I've had this box of Raisin Bran for about a month. This week, I decided to buy a small jug of milk and knock the box out by eating it for lunch at work. I expected to eat two bowls, but one bowl filled me up just fine. But if I did get hungry later in the afternoon, I'd eat something else. (One bowl is 250 calories including milk.) Today was day two, and one of my coworkers said - in front of everyone - "Is that all you're eating for lunch?! No wonder you're losing weight! You're living off cereal!"

Seriously? Seriously?! Who does that? I said, "No, I'm just finishing this box off for lunch this week. Then I'll go back to regular lunches." But why do people think, because you're "dieting," they can comment on your meals like they do? I would never say, "You're having fast food AGAIN?! No wonder you're so overweight!" It's just plain rude.

Plus, I'm busting my tush off to lose this weight. I've had to make some very hard changes to my diet. I measure everything now. I make sure I'm eating less processed food. I don't indulge in crappy restaurant food with the office every Friday. I watch my husband indulge in foods I dream about eating but can't (fudge rounds for breakfast, fast food for lunch, fries/chicken for dinner). I GO TO THE GYM SIX DAYS A WEEK! I face my food demons down every day. What she said sounded like, "Oh, THAT'S why you're losing weight. You're basically starving yourself. I've figured you out now!" Like I'm taking the easy way out here.

I've read many similar threads on the 3FC forum, so I know many of you know what I'm talking about. I just had to get this off my chest. Why can't we all just mind our own business when it comes to another person's size or meals? A good rule to live by - if someone doesn't ask your opinion, they probably don't want it!


PreciousMissy
08-11-2011, 02:09 PM
I know exactly how you feel! The women in my office tend to announce when they are dieting...I prefer to keep mine low key. Last time I lost weight (and gained it all back by my own mistakes) everyone in the office commented daily "how much have you lost so far"...or they always wanted to know what I was eating. I know they were just trying to be supportive, but I don't want everyone watching, or commenting, on my every move this time...it's just too much pressure.

christine123
08-11-2011, 02:10 PM
I completely relate. It's something we have be diligent about daily. And congrats on making so many healthy changes! And on your loss. I had an uncomfortable incident at work today myself. A co-worker noticed my weight loss and commented. Right after that, she suggested I can eat however much chocolate I want today since I didn't have any yesterday. This is after I told her why I've had to cut back - it's hard for me to stop at just 1. This office is covered head to toe in chocolate, chips, soda, etc. We stock the kitchen every single week. Everyday is a battle. Anyway, it felt like sabotage to me because then she discussed my salads at lunch, and how she's noticing what I eat. Anyway, it's all noise that we all have to cut out. Not everyone will be as supportive as we like. Eventually, I think they will get used to it and hopefully negative comments stop at that point.


happyveggie
08-11-2011, 02:11 PM
I think it all goes back to the "mean girl" spirit that many people don't grow out of. People will say things at your expense to make themselves feel better. I wouldn't think too much about her comment- you know how hard you're working and when you walk in to that office looking more fit and healthy with time, the look on her face will be your little revenge :) Keep up the good work!

TiredOfMySize
08-11-2011, 02:24 PM
Katie:
I enjoyed reading your post, thank you for taking the time to write it. You are a beautiful young woman (I saw your picture), sadly for some people, that in and of itself makes you 'open season' in regards to comments that come from a jealous place. I have learned to kill people with kindness....the goal for me is to try to always take the high road (no matter how narrow it might be) and to try to live my life in a way that will make myself, my children, my family and my God proud. The comment made by your coworker, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty unimportant to the quality of your life. Perhaps she has been watching you from afar, admiring your stick-to-it-ness and wishing she could have the will power you are showing. Good for you Katie, keep up the great work and continue on your journey!

Michelle2008
08-11-2011, 02:40 PM
Katie - totally agree with the mean girl comment! I work in a largely male environment and despite radically changing my eating habits not one person has commented!!

April Snow
08-11-2011, 03:08 PM
another perspective is that people are always looking for the quick fix when it comes to weight loss. They don't want to put in the time and effort that all of us here know is required. So it's easier for her to see your lunch and think "oh, all she has to do is eat cereal, that's why she's losing weight" even if she dismisses it as unrealistic. She doesn't want to face the day in, day out reality of a successful weight loss journey but it's easier to dismiss your success if she can make it seem like it's tied to some gimmick like eating cereal all the time.

Munchy
08-11-2011, 03:20 PM
I typically like to say in an even tone "that was rude," and continue on with our conversation, just to make people think about what they said. If I don't say it, they may never understand how it comes across.

H82Sweat
08-11-2011, 03:35 PM
another perspective is that people are always looking for the quick fix when it comes to weight loss. They don't want to put in the time and effort that all of us here know is required. So it's easier for her to see your lunch and think "oh, all she has to do is eat cereal, that's why she's losing weight" even if she dismisses it as unrealistic. She doesn't want to face the day in, day out reality of a successful weight loss journey but it's easier to dismiss your success if she can make it seem like it's tied to some gimmick like eating cereal all the time.

Yes, this :)

I'll be honest, I have a hard time keeping my eyes on my own paper (or should I say plate?) where weight loss is concerned. I see people (here for example) dropping weight so quickly and I get jealous and angry with myself and my body, "why isn't it that easy for me?" not even knowing how much work they are putting in or what their personal circumstances are.

We all want it to be easy. When it looks easy for someone else we want to know the "trick."

No one wants to hear "hard work and deprivation" as the answer ;)

celly123
08-11-2011, 03:41 PM
Some people just don't think before you speak, and assume that because your "thin now" you won't be offended by food related comments!

Also, you were CLEARLY getting results, so they all just probably wanted to know how you did it!

I am kind of the same way...I don't ASK anyone about their food but I definitely observe and copy people who look good. Same with at the gym. If I see a hot chick working her butt off, as soon as she leaves I am going to copy everything she did haha!

ItsMyTurn
08-11-2011, 03:43 PM
I know exactly how you feel! The women in my office tend to announce when they are dieting...I prefer to keep mine low key. Last time I lost weight (and gained it all back by my own mistakes) everyone in the office commented daily "how much have you lost so far"...or they always wanted to know what I was eating. I know they were just trying to be supportive, but I don't want everyone watching, or commenting, on my every move this time...it's just too much pressure.
In my office setting they do the same thing. I sit in a row of folks who all are doing WW, and counting points. They "cheat" every Friday and go to a fast food place for lunch. When they ask why I don't participate, I simply leave it at "I am pretty restricted on what I can have for medical reasons". It's amazing how fast people hush up when they hear "medical", LOL! Yes, some diet change is due to my colon, the rest is due to my weight... is that not medical??? But they advertise everything, so they are scrutinized for everything on each other... I don't like having folks "watch" me... until recently I wouldn't even eat around people that weren't from my household (I know, I'm weird), but I have always felt like they already would think things, I don't want to open myself up to hear it all verbally.

ItsMyTurn
08-11-2011, 03:50 PM
Katie- This was totally a universal type thing, it happens EVERYWHERE...so I am thankful you posted it. What she said WAS rude, and presumptious. Unfortunately, had she ASKED how you are doing it, she probably would have heard way more work than she could handle. My guess is that she KNOWS there is more to it, but HAS to dismiss it as being a quick fix. If it's not a quick fix, then why can you do it and she can't? Keep in mind, some are narrow minded and find it impossible to step into your shoes even if for a moment. ~hugs to you~ Keep on going, realize her opinion/views are not going to be of any importance to YOUR quality of life.... and then IN YOUR HEAD (not out loud, lol...cause this is the silent evil part of me) say "looks like you could stand to eat some raisin bran yourself then, if it's that easy", LOL!!!!

ladolcevita26
08-11-2011, 03:55 PM
Katie:
I enjoyed reading your post, thank you for taking the time to write it. You are a beautiful young woman (I saw your picture), sadly for some people, that in and of itself makes you 'open season' in regards to comments that come from a jealous place. I have learned to kill people with kindness....the goal for me is to try to always take the high road (no matter how narrow it might be) and to try to live my life in a way that will make myself, my children, my family and my God proud. The comment made by your coworker, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty unimportant to the quality of your life. Perhaps she has been watching you from afar, admiring your stick-to-it-ness and wishing she could have the will power you are showing. Good for you Katie, keep up the great work and continue on your journey!

So well put! I totally agree :)

PreciousMissy
08-11-2011, 05:32 PM
Ok, I just thought of something funny...I wonder if the woman who originally asked the question will be having cereal tomorrow because that's the new "trick"...just eat cereal for lunch and the pounds will melt away!:hun: :rofl:

AriesNV
08-11-2011, 05:39 PM
I happen to LOVE cereal. So, I've been known to eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That, and the fact that I'm blunt and like burning people when they play with my fire, I would have told her EXACTLY -- verbatim -- what you thought of telling her...about the fast food thing.

I would have said it "jokingly", but I think people need to be aware of things they say and have a taste of their own medicine, or else they'll NEVER realize that their words are ignorant and take an ill effect on people.

Lovely
08-11-2011, 06:03 PM
I don't even know that "living off cereal" would necessarily be considered starving yourself. (After all, I'm sure plenty of us here could eat cereal and eat too much of it.)

What a strange thing to say to someone.

It'd be like if you're eating an apple one morning, and someone says "So THAT'S how you're doing it, you're only eating apples." Yes, one day you eat a single apple, and suddenly that becomes your "trick" to losing weight.

Sometimes people just don't think things through.

Mariposa24
08-11-2011, 06:12 PM
Ignore dumb comments...my MIL was full of them last night...

tuende
08-11-2011, 06:36 PM
I think the most frustrating thing about these types of comments is that they totally dismiss ALL of the hard work that goes into losing weight. It's not one thing, it's a hundred things we do to make it through the day. Then a hundred more tomorrow.

I get little backhanded comments from family members all the time (most of my family is overweight)- sometimes they don't even say it directly to me, but just snidely announce things like "Oh, well, you know she won't eat that!" like it's going to be such a problem for everyone if I don't eat a bite of every dish they're serving. They honestly have NO CLUE about how I decide what I will/won't eat, and base their assumptions on whatever they think is bad for "dieters". They say a lot of things that belittle the effort that I'm putting in, about how I exercise too much, eat too little, am silly for passing on certain foods, etc.

I guess the good news is that what other people think or foolishly say has nothing to do with my weight loss efforts. I just keep my mouth shut, my head up and continue to do my thing!

christine123
08-11-2011, 06:41 PM
I think the most frustrating thing about these types of comments is that they totally dismiss ALL of the hard work that goes into losing weight. It's not one thing, it's a hundred things we do to make it through the day. Then a hundred more tomorrow.



Yes to this. That's the most frustrating part is that it is so much more work behind the scenes than any of these people will understand unless they begin the process themselves. It's simple, but not easy. Especially when every single day, I have to make tons and tons of choices surrounding food, primarily due to the location/job type I have, and that's not including staying social with friends which surrounds food more often than I'd like it to. I am happy to be on this journey because it's worth it, but not easy by any means. Not for me, at least. Very well said.

KatieC87
08-11-2011, 10:59 PM
Thanks for your comments, everyone! To say I'm glad you understand is wrong because I really wish none of this existed. Losing weight is hard enough without having to shoulder the comments of people who want to make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. But I am glad that so many of you have found constructive ways of handling these situations for yourselves. (AriesNV I WISH I had your spunk. I do agree with you, but I often avoid confrontation, especially in the workplace, because the end result isn't worth the war that precedes it. Had she said it in a social setting, that would have been a different story.)

I'll be thrown back into the thick of it tomorrow when they order crappy food for lunch and poke at me for not eating with them. It seems like it's a constant battle to keep this lifestyle change up when so few people in your actual life support you. Thank goodness for places like 3FC where I can find all kinds of people going through similar situations.

As always, thank you all for the support. :)