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Tanna Banana
08-08-2011, 08:03 AM
What do you do when you have friends or family members that are into extreme or unhealthy diet plans?

A very good friend of mine at work and several other colleagues subscribe to an extreme dieting plan (a plan that shall not be named-haha). Luckily, my friend and I have the kind of rapport that I was able to tell her about my concerns with the plan the first time she did it- I stated my piece, we chatted about it and then I wanted to leave it alone. I basically told her I didn't approve, but that I would be happy for her success. She did it last year, lost a bunch of weight and then gained about half of it back once she stopped for the summer- we're teachers.

Now she's getting ready for another round of the plan. While I want to support her, I don't feel like I want to talk about the method because I'm so categorically opposed to it. Last year, I would casually ask her how things were going without diving into specifics...that seemed to work out well. I'll probably do the same.

She is an adult and has to make her choices, and I know I'm not going to make her change her mind. It's not my place. I love her dearly, and I want her to feel supported. Does anyone have any experience with this?


98DaysOfSummer
08-08-2011, 11:00 AM
Unless I have some information my friend does not have (and my opinion is not fact, much as I like to think it is), I just stay out of it. I think most of us have been in that place where we've done something unconventional to lose weight and just not wanted to hear the crap. She knows everything you do, she has made her choice, let it go.

My mom is the one in my life who usually gets sucked into all kinds of crazy diets (ear stapling, anyone?). She's been at it for 50 years, she has access to all the same info I have, she has made her choice.

yoyoma
08-08-2011, 11:44 AM
I'm not sure how long ago it was, maybe 15 years, but a friend of mine went on a low-carb diet, probably Atkins. I was terribly worried about his health and tried to convince him that the weight loss was just water weight (even though he continued to lose) and that it couldn't be healthy, yada yada yada. After a while, I gave it a rest cuz he clearly wasn't budging, was happy with his plan and said his doctor was OK with it too.

Fast forward to today, and it turns out that I am now eating in a very similar fashion. Go figure!

Your friend may well have an unhealthy food plan. But who knows... maybe her approach is practical for her and may be healthier than remaining overweight.


Tanna Banana
08-08-2011, 06:07 PM
Thanks for the input.

I really am concerned about the plan she's using (it's one that 3FC will not allow to be discussed at all on the forums), but I do respect her freedom to do what she thinks is best for herself. I would never presume to tell her what to do, because like y'all said, it's her choice.

I think it's just hard to know what to say when she asks for my opinion or advice... I guess that was more of my concern. I really can't advise her about her plan, but I won't criticize her. We'll just have to agree to disagree if it comes up. :)

Lovely
08-08-2011, 07:15 PM
You expressed your concern like I think any good friend would, and then let her do her thing... because she's an adult and can do whatever she'd like no matter how unhealthy it is.

If she's doing it, again. I think it's best to continue like last time. Just don't bring it up unless she says something, and if you don't have any good advice for her for her specific plan then just say "I can't say... I'm doing xyz, but I don't know what would work for you."

4myloves
08-09-2011, 04:55 PM
I had a friend try the same diet. When I read the details (she tried to convince me to do it, as well) I tried to talk her out of it--didn't work. She lost a ton & gained it back.

KK like any other diet plan in the fact that if you don't stick it out, you'll gain it back--it's just a LOT harder to maintain because it's so very restrictive, almost to the point of starvation. KK is NOT like any other diet plan, though, in the sense that (to ME at least) it is a "controlled" form of anorexia.

(Forgive me for making assumptions if we're not talking about the same "plan.")

4myloves
08-09-2011, 05:00 PM
Just realized you & I were on totally different wavelengths!!! But, now I think I DO know what you're talking about--and I still feel the same way!

Co-worker tried it and it made her sick as a dog! She was out the $$$, HUNGRY and didn't lose any weight!

kaplods
08-09-2011, 05:29 PM
When someone engages in risky behavior that they know is risky, there's not a whole lot you can do.

But I also think that our culture is very hypocritical about what we see as risky behavior. We're ok with some risky behaviors and not ok with others (even many that are objectively less risky).

For example, my family goes on and on about the risks of eating undercooked meat and fish, because I like sushi, and rare (and even some raw) meat dishes.

I know the risks, I accept them, now let's move on.

You've shared your concerns, the rest is up to her.

It's very difficult to persuade people that the risks of rapid weight loss aren't worth it (because socially it often is - weight loss at any and all cost is very much acceptable, so you're going to have a hard time persuading someone that it isn't).

Only she can determine whether the risks are worth it to her. She may be right, or she may be mistaken, but there's not a lot you can do to persuade her without risking the friendship (and likewise only you can decide whether that risk is worth it to you).

You can continue to criticise the plan if the risk to the friendship is worth it to you, but you'll probably fail at persuading her.

We all pick our battles and our risks. You can be a crusader against this food plan if it's important to you, but you have to be aware of and accept the risks.

If you don't want to lose the friendship, you have to respect her choices, even if you don't agree with them. Or if crusading against this diet plan IS more important to you than the friendship, then go ahead and do so.

Most behavior has risks, and it's really very difficult to evaluate whether the risks are worth the benefits. It's hard enough to do for ourselves, it's nearly impossible to do for others.

Tanna Banana
08-09-2011, 06:57 PM
You've shared your concerns, the rest is up to her.

It's very difficult to persuade people that the risks of rapid weight loss aren't worth it (because socially it often is - weight loss at any and all cost is very much acceptable, so you're going to have a hard time persuading someone that it isn't).

Only she can determine whether the risks are worth it to her. She may be right, or she may be mistaken, but there's not a lot you can do to persuade her without risking the friendship (and likewise only you can decide whether that risk is worth it to you).

You can continue to criticise the plan if the risk to the friendship is worth it to you, but you'll probably fail at persuading her.



ITA... I hope my posts came across that way. I told her my concerns last year and haven't said a word about it since other than asking how she was doing or sharing in her excitement about her weight loss- which I do genuinely. I love to see her feel happy and confident. She's my friend, and that's the most important thing. If she gets into medical trouble territory, my song might change, but I don't think that will ever be the case.

I'm really not looking for a way to persuade her aginst her decision- unless, of course, she asks for my opinion- then I will talk to her in a constructive way. Maybe I should hve phrased my OP more like a vent. :D

Thanks for the thoughts ladies!