Weight Loss Support - How do you "fix" the underlying issues?




sweetnlow28
08-07-2011, 12:20 PM
I am coming here feeling discouraged once again :^:. I am just at a point where I am questioning whether I have what it takes to finish losing the weight and actually keep it off this time. I was on plan for over a year and I truly believed I had fixed my eating issues. I swore I would never gain it back again yet here I am eating and binging and gaining weight. I keep telling myself I will stay on track and this is it, but then I slip once again and sabotage myself. It feels so much harder now than it did at 250 pounds!

I have read the Beck book and I have really tried focusing on my issues. I can't afford any counseling, although I would love to go. I just wonder where do I go from here? I truly want to maintain this weight loss and feel like a "normal" person who can push a plate away and have a healthy relationship with food. Will this ever happen for me? How have other successful losers and maintainers dealt with the issues that drove you to be overweight in the first place?

I feel like I have been just going with the flow and pretending to be a person in control all along. The thrill of the weight loss kept me going but when I took a shot at maintaining, there was no more motivation and the old me took over again. I have a feeling this is the same reason why a lot of people gain back all the weight they lose. I REFUSE to become one of those statistics!! I guess I am just scared that I won't be able to maintain this loss for life. The thought of being overweight again drives me into a full blown panic at times then I end up turning to food for comfort :dizzy: I would just love to feel in control again...and STAY in control.

Thanks for listening :^:


kelly315
08-07-2011, 12:33 PM
If you feel like you're a serious overeater, then maybe Overeaters Anonymous might help you to maintain and prevent you from going back into old habits. Normally, I'd recommend counseling- but if you can't afford it, this might be a good option.

QuilterInVA
08-07-2011, 12:48 PM
There are counselors who's fees are income-based and there is usually some free counseling in every community.

You will never be successful if you have doubt about your ability to maintain you loss. You need to develop a positive, can-do attitude. Beck is an excellent start but you need to be absolutely honest with yourself and really dig to get to the root of your overeating. Once you know why, you can develop strategies to overcome it. Your desire to be healthy has to be more important than your desire for food. Eating except for fuel for the body leads to guilt and nothing is worth that to me.


sweetnlow28
08-07-2011, 01:32 PM
Thanks ladies :) I have a doctors appointment at the end of August. I am going to ask if she knows of any free programs available in my community. I do find her to be rather slack when it comes to anything beyond writing a prescription, but it it worth a shot. I am also going to be going back on an SSRI (antidepressant, anti anxiety) prescription again. I was on one years ago and it did help at the time. I think if I can get a hold on my depression and anxiety issues, the food issues will ease a little.I would love to hear some stories of self help and that there is hope to beat the issues on my own as well :)

Scarlett
08-07-2011, 01:47 PM
HIGHLY recommend "The Thin Commandments" by Dr. Stephen Gullo. He's the best of the best food psychologist and charges $1000 per hour. A distant relative of mine saw him and lost 150 lbs and said you can get a good feel for his approach from the book.

It basically deals with how to manage food issues and to stay away from trigger foods. No matter how much weight you lose the food issues don't go away. You need to learn to manage them.

berryblondeboys
08-07-2011, 01:47 PM
I spent 5 years in a non-OA 12 step program before starting to lose weight and it was easily the hardest and best period of growth in my life. It took a long time to get my mental, emotional, and spiritual stuff together, but it has also created a foundation for my weight loss that I have never experienced before. Losing weight is still hard, but it's nothing like the white knuckling holding my breath hard it once was.

YMMV, but for me food wasn't the issue. Other things were the issue. When I got the other things sorted out the food started fixing itself.

I didn't use a program, but I worked for years on my 'mental' stuff. That's why I think I was able to lose 20 pounds and not gain it back in the 5 years preceding this weight loss attempt.

I think for MANY of us who are really overweight, it's not just from eating a bit too much. There's other stuff going on that keep us from nipping small gains in the bud and allowing huge gains.

My suggestion to the OP is to read, read, read. Self-reflect, stay on forums that you can talk with others who have dealt with similar issues and to journal. And like someone above said, above all else, be honest with yourself.

sweetnlow28
08-07-2011, 01:53 PM
I appreciate everyone's stores and help more that you know! I will look into that book as well Scarlett.
I definitely agree with you Berry. I need to stay on the forums and self reflect more. When I am not here, it usually means I am not on plan and I am feeling guilty again ;)

JayEll
08-07-2011, 01:57 PM
In my nonmedical opinion, SSRIs never solved anyone's problem long term unless they suffered from true clinical depression--and possibly not even then.

I, too, thought I would never regain. I also thought I had figured it all out when it came to food. And, even though I am not a binge eater, I was wrong. I did regain, kicking and fighting all the way.

You do need some counseling--first, because you have a doctor giving you SSRIs, which means there is something going on, and second, because you tend to abuse food. I recommend a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, or even a registered dietitian with that specialty.

In the meantime, clear those binge foods out of the house. Plan your meals and snacks. If by "normal" you mean someone who eats or stops eating without thinking about it, face that that's probably not going to happen automatically. If that were possible for you, you wouldn't have gotten to your high weight to begin with.

Above all, get some assistance now, while you have not regained all your weight. I got pretty close before I got a handle on it, and now I'm having to lose again. It will take awhile...

Jay

kaplods
08-07-2011, 02:06 PM
You will never be successful if you have doubt about your ability to maintain you loss. You need to develop a positive, can-do attitude.


I think this is one of the biggest myths in existence; and if you believe your doubts and take them too seriously, you MAKE it true.

People without doubts, sometimes are just naive. They don't know the risks, so they don't think about them. Or they're too arrogant to believe that they can fail. Many, many very accomplished people, who have succeeded at amazingly great things, had doubts (and still do).

It is'nt whether or not you have doubts, it's how you deal with them that matters.

When I believed that my doubts doomed me to failure, I let them.

Now, I realize that doubts are just doubts. They're thoughts, not reality.


How do I know I won't gain the weight back?

It's quite simple, I know that I WILL gain the weight back if I don't stick with the changes that got me where I am so far, and where I want to be.

The weight doesn't just "poof" magically appear when we have doubts. Our behavior has to "live the doubt." Doubts have no power, if we don't surrender to them and say "yep failure is inevitable, so why bother trying."

I know that I won't gain the weight back, because I have a PLAN, this time.

I don't ever plan on "going off" my diet. Sure when I get to goal weight, I could get cocky and think that eating binges don't matter, but as long as I'm getting on the scale every day, I'm going to notice and put a stop to it.

It's all about expectations. I don't expect my weight issues to ever disapppear. They're always going to be with me. I'm always going to struggle to keep my weight where I want it. So, I'm going to stay on top of it for the rest of my life. When I'm at goal, I know that I'm going to have to work to keep it there. I'm going to see gains and I'm going to have to work to lose them, but I decide whether to "do nothing" when I see that small gain on the scale.

I AM going to gain - and I'm going to lose and gain and lose and gain for the rest of my life. This isn't my doubt talking it's reality. I'm not going to reach goal weight and somehow magically stay there, I'm going to have to work just as hard at maintenance as losing. And in fact "maintenance" isn't going to really be maintenance, it's going to be gaining and losing, gaining and losing - but instead of gaining and losing 150 lbs, I'm going to be working with a pound or two. When I gain two or three pounds, I'm going to work to lose them, I'm not going to wait until I've gained 50. And I'm DEFINITELY NOT going to wait until I've gained it all back.

I won't ever again need to worry about gaining 150 lbs, because I've decided now that I'm never going to let it get that far. I'm going to deal with it right away, not let a 5 lb gain become a 50 lb gain.

I know this, because it's what I've been doing from the start of THIS journey. I decided from the very beginning, that this wasn't about weight loss for me, it was about maintaining (from the very first 20 lbs which I lost as a result of sleep apnea treatment rather than work on my part).

I didn't decide to lose weight. I decided to maintain my weight and "maybe lose one more pound." With every pound I've lost, I've kept that attitude "maintain the loss and maybe lose one more."

This isn't going to ever change (and if I change, so will my results. If I decide not to work at mainteanance, I will regain. That's not a doubt, that's a fact).

I'm not expecting magic, I know that I have to work for the rest of my life at this, and I'm ok with that. The work isn't unpleasant (I've done everything in my power to make it fun).

Say you had a heart attack. Having doubts and concerns about having another is natural and normal, but the doubts won't give you another heart attack. Deciding that you might as well eat junk and lie on the couch all day because another heart attack is inevitable so why bother taking care of yourself - well, it's not the doubts that will lead to the second heart attack, it's the lifestyle.

So in the face of doubt, talk yourself through the doubt. Make a list of what behaviors will lead to failure, and then make a list of what behaviors will prevent the failure.

Read the list, and cross off the behaviors that will lead to failure. Cross them out, because you've decided NOT to do those things. Then look at the success list, and make sure you're doing those things.

You have control over your behavior, and you even have a lot of control over your doubts (by addressing them with confidence. YOu KNOW what it takes to keep the weight off, so be committed to doing it. There you go, doubt successfully battled).

Of course it's not that simple (well it is, but doing it isn't). But we're warriors now, and the fight is for life. There is no "retiring" from weight loss.

The battle is with us for life, or we'll die on the battlefield.

You combat doubt and fear of failure, by taking steps to prevent the failure.

We don't tell soldiers not to feel fear and doubt, we tell them to do what needs to be done anyway.

sweetnlow28
08-07-2011, 02:14 PM
I think this is one of the biggest myths in existence; and if you believe your doubts and take them too seriously, you MAKE it true.

People without doubts, sometimes are just naive. They don't know the risks, so they don't think about them. Or they're too arrogant to believe that they can fail. Many, many very accomplished people, who have succeeded at amazingly great things, had doubts (and still do).

It is'nt whether or not you have doubts, it's how you deal with them that matters.

When I believed that my doubts doomed me to failure, I let them.

Now, I realize that doubts are just doubts. They're thoughts, not reality.


How do I know I won't gain the weight back?

It's quite simple, I know that I WILL gain the weight back if I don't stick with the changes that got me where I am so far, and where I want to be.

The weight doesn't just "poof" magically appear when we have doubts. Our behavior has to "live the doubt." Doubts have no power, if we don't surrender to them and say "yep failure is inevitable, so why bother trying."

I know that I won't gain the weight back, because I have a PLAN, this time.

I don't ever plan on "going off" my diet. Sure when I get to goal weight, I could get cocky and think that eating binges don't matter, but as long as I'm getting on the scale every day, I'm going to notice and put a stop to it.

It's all about expectations. I don't expect my weight issues to ever disapppear. They're always going to be with me. I'm always going to struggle to keep my weight where I want it. So, I'm going to stay on top of it for the rest of my life. When I'm at goal, I know that I'm going to have to work to keep it there. I'm going to see gains and I'm going to have to work to lose them, but I decide whether to "do nothing" when I see that small gain on the scale.

I AM going to gain - and I'm going to lose and gain and lose and gain for the rest of my life. This isn't my doubt talking it's reality. I'm not going to reach goal weight and somehow magically stay there, I'm going to have to work just as hard at maintenance as losing. And in fact "maintenance" isn't going to really be maintenance, it's going to be gaining and losing, gaining and losing - but instead of gaining and losing 150 lbs, I'm going to be working with a pound or two. When I gain two or three pounds, I'm going to work to lose them, I'm not going to wait until I've gained 50. And I'm DEFINITELY NOT going to wait until I've gained it all back.

I won't ever again need to worry about gaining 150 lbs, because I've decided now that I'm never going to let it get that far. I'm going to deal with it right away, not let a 5 lb gain become a 50 lb gain.

I know this, because it's what I've been doing from the start of THIS journey. I decided from the very beginning, that this wasn't about weight loss for me, it was about maintaining (from the very first 20 lbs which I lost as a result of sleep apnea treatment rather than work on my part).

I didn't decide to lose weight. I decided to maintain my weight and "maybe lose one more pound." With every pound I've lost, I've kept that attitude "maintain the loss and maybe lose one more."

This isn't going to ever change (and if I change, so will my results. If I decide not to work at mainteanance, I will regain. That's not a doubt, that's a fact.

I'm not expecting magic, I know that I have to work for the rest of my life at this, and I'm ok with that. The work isn't unpleasant (I've done everything in my power to make it fun).

Say you had a heart attack. Having doubts and concerns about having another is natural and normal, but the doubts won't give you another heart attack. Deciding that you might as well eat junk and lie on the couch all day because another heart attack is inevitable so why bother taking care of yourself - well, itt's not the doubts that will lead to the second heart attack, it's the lifestyle.

So in the face of doubt, talk yourself through the doubt. Make a list of what behaviors will lead to failure, and then make a list of what behaviors will prevent the behavior.

Read the list, and cross off the behaviors that will lead to failure. Cross them out, because you've decided NOT to do those things. Then look at the success list, and make sure you're doing those things.

You have control over your behavior, and you even have a lot of control over your doubts (by addressing them with confidence. YOu KNOW what it takes to keep the weight off, so be committed to doing it. There you go, doubt successfully battled).

Of course it's not that simple (well it is, but doing it isn't). But we're warriors now, and the fight is for life. There is no "retiring" from weight loss.
The battle is with us for life, or we'll die on the battlefield.

You combat doubt and fear of failure, by taking steps to prevent the failure.

We don't tell soldiers not to feel fear and doubt, we tell them to do what needs to be done anyway.

I really took this to heart, thanks :hug:

haggis
08-07-2011, 02:16 PM
Kaplods makes a lot of sense here. It is very difficult to approach ones relationship to food the way that a recovering addict approaches their relationship to the drug, because we can't go cold turkey on food. However, I think a similar caution about reverting back to old eating behaviors is wise. Don't forget that you have a history with overeating, and be on your guard. While you may feel there are underlying issues that are still present, you have accomplished an amazing feat, and shown that you are in control. So just remind yourself of why you wanted to lose the weight, and what you did to lose it.

tuende
08-07-2011, 02:23 PM
As berry mentioned, reading, reflecting and journaling have really helped me work through things. I'm not really someone who processes things by talking them out, but spending time thinking through things really helped me. Two self-help books that really spoke to me were A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Unlimited by Jillian Michaels. Admittedly, these are not for everyone (the former is pretty new-agey spiritual, the latter is, well, Jillian), but I connected with certain things in each of them. While neither is directly about issues with food, it helped me deal with those underlying issues that drove me to gain so much weight in the first place. This process for me has been about so much more than physically losing weight. It's really been a journey to be happy just 'being'. When I can get there, everything else works so much better- weight loss included!

As kaplods said, we're warriors now. We will always be fighting. I had to learn to accept that this hard work isn't temporary- and my weight loss won't be temporary either!

GlamourGirl827
08-07-2011, 02:45 PM
I'm going to reply then read all the responses, backwards, I know! My kids are running crazy and I only have a few minutes. :)
Here's my 2 cents, as I am on that path right now. I don't know what actually "switched on" in my head, that made me start to see the difference between having a "normal" relationship with food, and just dieting on and off all the time. At the beginning of this year I was set up to do WW again, and something snapped! lol I didn't want to count you-know-whats. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life "in maintenance". I didn't want the rest of my life to be a fight to keep the fat off. I think for me it had something to do with turning 30. Realizing I had spent ALL MY 20s on and off diets, and my weigh yo-yoing.
I tried journal, which I really only did a couple of times. But it does work. I began running, for fitness and fun, NOT for weightloss. I started eating to fuel my runs, not to help my weightloss. But the main thing that changed was I dropped the all or nothing attitude. Well, I wouldn't say I dropped it! Its not that easy. If I "mess up" and eat way to much or for the wrong reason, I do not let it trigger a several day crap-fest! One night of over indulging in 3 slices of pizza, and ice cream and too much wine (which just leads to more pizza!!) Does NOT mean I get up the next day and throw in teh towel, like I used to. I just go back to eating "noramlly" and regular running. Oh and if I miss like a week of running, I don't give up, I just run again like I haven't missed a beat. Over time (I've been evolving for about 8 months now) the eating healthy / running has become my base life style and over eating and riding the couch (i.e. not running) have become the exception.

No day is perfect. A few days ago, my son was in the hospital for a 24 hour obs and IV meds, nothing super serious, but I reverted back to my old ways for that 24hrs I was there with him. I just ate totally crap with no OFF switch. I over ate and needless to say, I did not exercise, excpet to walk down to the cafe. haha. But as soon as we got home, I forgave myself and went right back to eating the way I should and runing. (Ran 4 miles this morning)
Now I realize to get these last 15 lbs off I'm going to need to be a bit more careful. I "over endulge" about 2-3 times a week. But that is a decrease from the old me. But this time I realize if I want this new me to be the real me and not a phase I have to do it slowly. Its been 8 motnhs, and I'm still working on it, but I can say that there IS hope to being "normal". I've caught a few glimpses of it, and its great!!!