General chatter - Just need to let it out :(




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Porthardygurl
08-03-2011, 04:36 AM
Oh man was today one of the worst days..Where do i begin.. ahh yes.. TOM...ugly little friend caused the worst cramps ever that sent me to bed most of the day..Then what? Screaming cranky child that wont stop crying plus fiancee who suffered from migrane and needed to sleep..Left for work this evening and forgot dinner, water and pain killers...Get to work to find out..i have massive list of things to accomplish but no help...Spend all day working by myself ..very physical stuff...work through dinner break to try and get everything accomplished, thinking if i have time left over, i could eat dinner then..Not taking into account that it would take me all night to accomplish everything.. 11pm rolls around..havent eaten dinner still, stuff is not done..and only have half an hour until i have to leave work to go home..I hit the books at work to try and finish the office work stuff...boss walks in..takes book and begins to chat and chat and chat..begins to "think" things out for himself..Boss is both sleep deprived and mentally fatigued..yet still working???? Boss continues to yack at me..so im not getting what i need to get done to go home..Mini boss come in to try and work at it..Big boss suggests that we work it out when its "fresh" in our minds ... I suggest i go home at 11:15 instead of 11:30pm because after all i still havent taken my half an hour break because i wanted to get everything accomplished... Boss gets mad..throws schedule book on the desk and in turn the coffee on the desk splashes onto mini boss and all over the floor and cup breaks and then boss proceeds to kick the garbage can and throw stuff off the desk onto the floor before taking off out the door..Boss comes back not only 2 seconds later to yell at me some more about how i should have taken my break earlier, and how i wasnt respecting him and his need for help and blah blah blah amongst other things..and then takes off for two seconds..comes back and proceeds to yell for two more minutes about tommorow and him being on his own, not having any staff and how its going to be a **** of a busy day and how he has to get paperwork done on top of it that he hasnt gotten done in the last few weeks.. Boss then proceeds to tell me to "take my dinner break and go home"..Boss storms out of office and takes off in car to god knows where..and Mini boss says "dont leave..dont take your break...just stay..and finish this stuff"...

What was my response? I broke down and cried.. I was never trying to put my foot down or step over my boss's authority in the first place..In my mind i was ..getting everything done before taking a break..because getting everything done was very important..and then thinking that i could take it at the end when everything was accomplished so that i couldnt get yelled at for not doing it all...When he suggested being fresh to do the paperwork..it made sense..we were all tired and i am entitled to a 30 minute break by law.. So i thought..go home at 11 instead of 11:30... make up the half an hour missed break..

My boss seems to think that the world owes him..or that i owe him..I dont owe him..in fact.. i put in more hours then i get paid for..i go the extra mile at my job and i work hard..really hard..and i do it out of grace and love..and because i want to honor my boss.. I dont get rewarded by him for everything i do..in fact..it rarely gets noticed..I had a freaking tough day..physically and mentally on top of having really bad cramps..i thought i deserved a break..

I dont know..at the end of the day..i just felt horrible..i feel horrible still...it doesnt help that i havent eaten since 3pm.. and now its 1:30 am..My blood sugar is obviously low.. i feel really weak and i still have cramps that wont go away..and im exhausted..If the grocery store were open, i would have gone in and ate about 1000 donuts..I was ready to binge tonite..I didnt..thankfully part of it is to do with the fact that there is no grocery store open at 12 midnight which happens to be the time i got home tonite from work.. (my work got all done at least) and when i looked at my daughters penut butter ritz crackers..i really wanted a bite..but im on a low carb diet..and i realize that my diet is important..and so i closed the cupboard and proceeded to make my eggs for dinner..which i will now eat before going to bed..

I feel so horrible.. i really just want to eat feelings right now..but im not going to...i would have a week or two ago..but..ive lost almost 20 pounds and i dont want to reverse anything.. I just want to cry..thats all i want.. i just want to let all the stress and exhaustion out..and i want someone to tell me how to deal with my boss when i have to face him tommorow..


fitness4life
08-03-2011, 08:46 AM
Holy carp! And I thought I had a bad day! I would write a report about big boss's abusive behavior so you can get your side in writing in case you get canned.

Also, it's illegal to deny a worker a break, isn't it?

Hopefully today is better for you. Hugs.

mamakat
08-03-2011, 09:01 AM
Porthardy,
What a terrible situation, but you handled it well. You weren't the one who threw the fit, right? Try not to take his crabbiness to heart, you did say he was tired. If you can, when you see him today, you could simply say "I didn't deserve that." in a very calm voice. It's a true statement and not harsh wording so you wouldn't be insulting or demanding.

As far as stress, I'm glad the grocery stores were closed. You're right, you are doing great and even though eggs don't really help in time of stressful bingeing they do fill us up. Crying is good too. Let it out. If you don't want to wake the baby or DH you could cry in the shower (even talk out your feelings), my favorite is to get in the car, blast the music and sing as loud as I can. But definitely don't make the food our go to guy. It's hard, I know, but I think you did great.

Good luck...oh and babies know when mommies are stressed, afraid or angry just by our vibes. So when little ones are crying a lot it might be because of us. A warm bath for both helps. :)


NEMom
08-03-2011, 09:50 AM
I so sorry you have had such a bad night. My week last week was like that and I did cry, with big sobs in my office. It is okay to cry, it does help release the stress.
I hope work gets better for you. No one deserves to be yelled at.
Take care my dear! Great job posting and not eating!!!!

alaskanlaughter
08-03-2011, 01:34 PM
absolutely document what happened and the fact that others around saw what happened (the mini boss)...employees should NOT be treated like that no matter what the reason and asking for your break is not unreasonable

fitness4life
08-04-2011, 01:53 AM
What I notice in myself is that lack of sleep and lack of proper nutrition = I can't handle stuff like this the way I would want to.
\
Not that you shouldn't be upset. But just, after a good night's sleep, a good ole cheeseburger (or whatever), and I'm sure you'll feel ready to tackle the challenge of getting all that work done.

I cry a lot. (commercials and church can be embarrassing - especially when I'm not sad! It's when I'm filled with love, but anyway...) I can control it more when I'm on my game. When I "lose it", I feel inferior. What I've learned to do is explain my physically emotional side (crying even when I'm happy) and also explain my frustration being exponential when I'm tired and malnurished.

I think that's normal for some. And explainable for the others who aren't like that. At the very least, you weren't reactive like your Jack-hole boss who has NO amount of excuse for his throwing things around behavior.

How has it been going?

Porthardygurl
08-04-2011, 05:37 AM
How has it been going..what a loaded question.. i just about peed my pants tonight when the manager of the new cafe that he hired approached me saying that he(my boss) didnt say i was hired for the job in the cafe..but that he merely wanted to train me in case of "special functions..needing someone on call"... And im thinking "are you fricking kidding me???" I was so miffed and was like "there is no way in heck i am going to read a big manual on how to make coffee and how to work a machine and then spend a month training every day only to have "an occasional function" to work at on call..FORGET IT! Should i add to this today..by saying that i started work two hours earlier to get my boss out of hot water becaue he had no one to help him out and then i ended up staying an hour past my work day and on top of it...i worked through my dinner break again.. The thing that sucks about that...is that because im on a ketogenic type diet.. i cant tell that im hungry anymore..my body isnt telling me im hungry..so i went from 12 this afternoon till 1am without eating anything...i drank and drank and drank lots of water..but never got hungry and so forgot to eat even though i brought food for myself...

What a freaking day..only a month and a bit until im done..

blueheron777
08-04-2011, 07:00 AM
The great thing is that you are upholding your own commitment not to gain weight. You are sharing your feelings here and getting support. Good!

I worry though that you are not able to take enough care of your nutritional needs...your schedule is hectic and you seem to be suffering from it food-wise as well as in other ways. I am concerned that your diet, which is a tough one to follow, is going to bring you down further. I hope you can find a way to eat on schedule so that your energy level doesn't drop and make you even more fatigued than you are from your many responsibilities.

You are in a difficult situation and I hope it will get better. Main thing meanwhile is to love yourself and take good care of YOU!

Porthardygurl
08-05-2011, 05:29 AM
Thanks Blueheron,

Yah, i was worried too..tonite i actually kicked myself out of ketosis so that i would get my hunger signal back..Its too easy to go for hours when you have no hunger signal..I went all day without eating because i slept for like 15 hours today..thats how exhuasted i was..and not once did i get hungry..so tonight i purposely ate a chocolate bar to kick myself out of the ketosis state so that i could get my body to tell me im hungry again so that i could get back to a routine where my body tells me to eat and i eat...its easy to keep on working through when your body doesnt growl at you from not eating!