Weight Loss Support - Thinner is better...right?




View Full Version : Thinner is better...right?


kelly315
08-02-2011, 12:55 PM
I was just browsing mybodygallery.com, and I've decided to change my goal weight. This site lets you plug in height, weight, shape, etc, and see pictures of real women. The more I looked, the more I realized that the women at my original goal weight- 130lbs (5'4") looked nothing like I wanted to look. Most of the ones I admired and thought looked sexy and fit were actually about 15 pounds and one size heavier.

I think that this "thinner is better" mentality is what gave me such a hard time last time. I was 160lbs, happier and more self confident than I had been in ages, but culture all around me was telling me that I needed to be much thinner. I joined an eating disorder group, even though I hadn't binged in over a year (because of my new lifestyle changes), and for some reason stayed even though I was the only overeater there. I was surrounded by women who were unhappy at 130, 120, etc, constantly wanting to be thinner. Then there was the weight loss community, where I would interact online with people who were anywhere from 300+ to 115lbs, all trying to lose weight. I was stuck in this cycle of thinking that I could never possibly be thin enough.

So I got stressed and gave up. 100 pounds gained later, I'm back here, looking to lose again. But this time, I don't think my vision is as distorted. Thinner and thinner is no longer looking as good to me- just happy, healthy, and normal sized. And for me, it looks like that is going to be around 145lbs.

Anyone else had any experiences with distorted vision? Any thoughts on this?


TL0812
08-02-2011, 12:59 PM
I absolutely love that site. I think it is wonderful fir women to be able to set realistic goals. I used it to create my ultimate goal of 155/160. That is on the higher side of healthly according to Bmi but I also worry about the thinner is better mentality.

kelly315
08-02-2011, 01:01 PM
It's so nice to look at people rather than numbers. 145 is just under the "overweight" range for me, but it became so clear by looking at the women at that weight vs. the 130s that it was right for me. Almost all of the women that I would say looked really good were around that weight.


desertemerald
08-02-2011, 01:04 PM
I totally agree with you. I'm your height, and I set my goal at 135. That's about ten pounds heavier than my youngest daughter who is thin (but not skinny). I may reach goal, and I may not. For me, it's about being healthy, eating better, and exercising for life. The number on the scale is less important than how I feel. Although I do want to be able to buy clothes in regular sizes again!

sontaikle
08-02-2011, 01:17 PM
I've toyed around with my goal weight, but I think I've settled on 140—for now. It's actually slightly in the overweight category for my height, but I know that likely at 140 I won't LOOK 140. I've always weighed more than someone of the same dress size (one example - my friend and I were the same size for years and I usually outweighed her by about 30lbs) and quite frankly my goal isn't to be skinny.

I figure I can always reevaluate once I reach goal and decide if I want to lose more. Losing 60lbs total will be quite an accomplishment though!

ahyessophie
08-02-2011, 01:24 PM
I think that site's a great tool for setting tentative goals, but ultimately you'll know when you get there if it's right for you.

PreciousMissy
08-02-2011, 01:45 PM
My "ideal" weight is 140...but that isn't where I want to be. I was 180 before and just fine with it. The people who were around during my weight loss kept asking me how much more I wanted to lose. I told them I was happy right were I was, it felt right for me.

Sunnydays
08-02-2011, 01:52 PM
It isn't about what other people want you to weigh. It's your body and your life. I think you should choose a weight and shape that makes YOU happy and comfortable with who you are! I want to be 100-110lbs. Some people tell me that's not right. But for my frame I know that's where I'll look and feel my best.

TooManyDimples
08-02-2011, 02:00 PM
That site is great. Another important thing to remember is that even people who are the same weight and height can have completely different body shapes.

Someone shared this link a while back and I saved it because it's awesome!

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/06/22/attention-scale-addicts-part-2/

tuende
08-02-2011, 02:01 PM
I love looking through sites like the one you mentioned because it helps me realize how much variation there are between individuals. Even people with the same weight/height can carry it very differently and this has helped me let go of the comparisons I constantly want to make between myself and others. My thinking has shifted more toward the way I want my body to look/function and away from getting at a certain number. I don't really know what my goal weight is, but I know I still have work to do to get my body into the shape I want it in. I also realize skinny isn't what I want all; I want to see muscles, baby!

lin43
08-02-2011, 02:05 PM
I agree. I'm 5 ft 3 & I've set my goal to a comfie size 8. I think that will be about 140.

sept15lija
08-02-2011, 02:08 PM
Yes it's defnitely all about where you're comfortable! I sometimes feel like I should be thinner, which is kind of silly since obviously I'm in a healthy BMI...but I do think I am distorted in my thinking a little bit. It's kind of crazy really, I was 233 pounds a year ago, and all of a sudden I think 133 is just a bit too heavy. But your perspective changes too I guess as you lose...anyways I try to focus on how I feel and look, rather than the number.

H82Sweat
08-02-2011, 02:10 PM
Well i just had the exact opposite experience. I went to the mybodygallery.com site and based upon the pictures feel that my goal weight is too high for me now :(

I probably need to drop it by 20lbs but will wait until I get down in range to make that decision.

runningfromfat
08-02-2011, 02:24 PM
After a certain point I don't think thinner is better and then it really does become aesthetic a BMI of 24.5 is considered just as healthy as 19 (for the average population, obviously, since it's statistics we can't necessarily talk about two individuals since there are just too many caveats there).

You also have to consider frame size and how muscular a person is. Someone who has been losing through diet only and another person who has been losing through diet and weigh lifting can look very, very different.

My goal has always been at the upper end of a healthy BMI. In reality if I get to 155lbs (the cut-off between overweight and healthy) I'd be really happy and I could just stop there. I have 140 in my ticker because I'd love to lose a total of 100lbs, so purely for vanity. ;) If it appears that staying at 140lbs takes way more effort than I want to put in I'd be happy at staying at a somewhat higher weight were I could afford to eat a bit more because ultimately I want something that I can maintain. :D

I understand about the pressure to get thinner when you sees others who are smaller than you trying to lose weight. Eventually you just have to clear your mind and do what works for YOU. I've seen many, many times women on here who are my same height or close to it and are at or around my goal weight for their starting weight. It can be confusing and a bit distressing initially but I remind myself that frame size and the amount of muscles one has plays a big role. Also the way you carry extra weight will make a big difference to your appearance too. There's definitely no one size fit all policy!!!

ETA: This is also one reason that I set measurements as a goal for me too. If I reach a 28 inch waist or smaller I'd be pretty darn happy and probably call it at day even if I was still out of the healthy BMI range. :)

DietVet
08-02-2011, 02:34 PM
The other part of this is that you want to settle on a goal weight that will be comfortable for you to maintain for the long haul and that is more likely to be a little higher than your average runway model's. :)

For me, the goal is to get to a weight that I can maintain with good food choices and lots of exercise. I don't want to have to be super obsessive or hungry all the time. This is why I've set my goal weight this time for a weight that is a bit higher than my ideal (I loved the way I looked when I was in the 140s with 14% body fat) but which I think I'll be better able to maintain over the long haul.

But in the end, picking goal weights is a kind of silly enterprise. We'll all do our best to lose weight, to make healthy food and exercise choices and we'll know when we feel good about how we look, regardless of what the scale says or how that relates to some abstract weight ideal.

Lovely
08-02-2011, 02:39 PM
I, too, am trying to stay away from "thinner is better" OR from "lighter is better". We do not "win" merely by weighing less.

My goals for now are to maintain the loss I have achieved (ie stay under 300 for the rest of my life), and to lose 5 more pounds-ish at a time. I am, admittedly, such a long way from a healthy weight range that picking an arbitrary number would just be silly (in my mind for me). Even if I were to pick a number, my body might not look how I'd like it to be at that weight. There's just no way to know right now.

This time, while I know that I do need to lose weight in order to get to the shape I want, I'm trying to think of shape/size/fitness as my ultimate goal and not exactly the number on the scale as goal. I could weigh 180 pounds and look drastically different depending on how I get to that weight. Muscular, lean, or still a bit flabby. Right now, there's no telling for me as it's more than 100lbs away.

I've never been to that site, but I just went browsing after writing that... WOW. Just wow, that is AMAZING. To see that so many women at a similar height can carry the same amount of weight in VASTLY different ways! I love it! And it confirms my thoughts... weight really can mean so many things to different people. Weight on the scale does not mean everything.

Body type, shape, fitness level, just ohmygoodness.... There are plenty of those women who look perfectly great at a lower body weight, but there are also just as many women who are looking amazing at a higher body weight!

This is amazing, and just what I needed to see. It confirms my beliefs even more that it cannot be just about the number on the scale for me. That my fitness goals are going to matter. That how I lose the weight is going to matter. And that I'll just have to decide as I go along where my body is comfortable.

sontaikle
08-02-2011, 02:43 PM
ETA: This is also one reason that I set measurements as a goal for me too. If I reach a 28 inch waist or smaller I'd be pretty darn happy and probably call it at day even if I was still out of the healthy BMI range. :)

I really admire this way of thinking and I think I want to do this as well. I'm not sure what I want my ideal measurements to be, but in my mind my goal size is 4/6 (leaning toward 6). I think regardless of my weight, I might just stop there—unless I am not satisfied with how I look of course!

I've always admired women with a bit more meat on their bones, so this is the body type I've been leaning towards for myself :)

ChickieChicks
08-02-2011, 02:43 PM
I just looked at that sight and I look nothing like women who weight 5 pounds less than me! It all varies so much.

I was having this same conversation with my hubby earlier about truly not knowing what a good goal weight is. I know what i used to look like at 133, but I'm already more sculpted now at 145 than I used to be at my lower weight. I could totally stand to lose more all-over-fluff, but as my body fat % lowers this time, I will be buff, as opposed to just small.

I'd rather weigh more and look/feel leaner. :-)

runningfromfat
08-02-2011, 02:54 PM
I really admire this way of thinking and I think I want to do this as well. I'm not sure what I want my ideal measurements to be, but in my mind my goal size is 4/6 (leaning toward 6). I think regardless of my weight, I might just stop there—unless I am not satisfied with how I look of course!

I've always admired women with a bit more meat on their bones, so this is the body type I've been leaning towards for myself :)

Thanks! :D The way I picked 28 inches is that when I was in high school I wore size 8 and was really happy with that. Unfortunately, I don't know my measurements from those days but going on the old size charts (granted even in the 90's I'm sure there was some vanity sizing compared to the 40'-50's when they were made) but according to that a size 8 is: Bust: 35, Waist: 27.5 Hips: 38.5. I'm pretty curvy so I'm not going to hold my breath on the bust/hip measurements but if I had a 28 inch waist or smaller I'd be pretty darn happy! ;)

H82Sweat
08-02-2011, 03:04 PM
My NSV goal would be to sit down and not have anything roll or bulge in my torso! Just a nice, slim, firm torso.

Once I get to my original goal weight I will look at possibly going lower. For now my initial setting is enough of a challenge :)

April Snow
08-02-2011, 05:15 PM
I am not even setting a final goal weight - it's one of those things where I am going to know it because I've arrived. I have an idea of where I'd like to get to in terms of clothing sizes, but absolutely no idea of what that would mean as far as the scale is concerned. And I suspect that my ideal body for myself is probably going to be a bit rounder than some (many?) people might want. But it's got to be not only something I feel and look (in my own opinion at least!) good at, it's got to be something I can happily maintain. So if 145 is that number for you, then go for it.

The great thing is that goals aren't set in stone and you can change it and make it lower or higher if that ends up not being the right number for you after all.

Arctic Mama
08-02-2011, 06:17 PM
My issue with that site is that the way I look at a given weight is different than the other women my size, I'm one of those people who is a size or three smaller at a given weight that the girl next to me, for whatever reason, and when I look at that site I almost always want to move my goal lower to fit where I want my body to be, when I know logically that I'll look like I want at a higher weight than someone else might.

I just try to stay away from the comparison game, in general, and keep my goals focused on what I like seeing and how I like feeling, because as soon as I start comparing myself with others I get in trouble :)

kimmieval
08-02-2011, 10:06 PM
Yes it's defnitely all about where you're comfortable! I sometimes feel like I should be thinner, which is kind of silly since obviously I'm in a healthy BMI...but I do think I am distorted in my thinking a little bit. It's kind of crazy really, I was 233 pounds a year ago, and all of a sudden I think 133 is just a bit too heavy. But your perspective changes too I guess as you lose...anyways I try to focus on how I feel and look, rather than the number.


I have had to force myself to keep it at around 130s. At 172, I HAD to lose weight, and I wanted to go to 140, then it was 130, and now at around 135, I am not pleased with my body, specifically my lower half. My shape I am unhappy with as big things and calves make me look heavier but I do like where I am in actual weight. If only I can align my comfort with my weight and my body shape..sigh

Innerprincess
08-02-2011, 10:52 PM
Wow! Take it from me, don't be too hard on yourself! I just joined tonight, have pretty much had no life for about a decade. My ideal weight I was really happy with was 120lbs but I always seemed to end up back at 135. Long story short- I was always considered beautiful and had more than my share of attention. Then discovered grapefruit sized cyst on ovary with endometriosis, was put on a drug which completely cut off my hormones to treat it, sent me into Major depression, and temporary induced menopause. I have never been the same since emotionally or physically but OH HOW I WISH I COULD HAVE THAT BODY I DISLIKED SO MUCH AGAIN....THIS TIME I WOULD APPRECIATE IT AND BE HAPPY WITH WHAT GOD GAVE ME!!!!

mlgibson
08-03-2011, 04:15 PM
Wow...I love this site!

caryesings
08-03-2011, 04:50 PM
A big yes. Through my teens and 20s I weighed @ 150 and fought, fought, fought with my body and appetite trying to get smaller, usually with the result of "binging" up to 170. Now after carrying around an extra 100 lbs over that for 20 years, I positively strut that I'm holding below 170.

Of course I can't help but notice that despite the fact that I've basically maintained this weight for almost a year now that I've still set my goal below 150. Some habits die hard...

berryblondeboys
08-03-2011, 07:07 PM
A big yes. Through my teens and 20s I weighed @ 150 and fought, fought, fought with my body and appetite trying to get smaller, usually with the result of "binging" up to 170. Now after carrying around an extra 100 lbs over that for 20 years, I positively strut that I'm holding below 170.

Of course I can't help but notice that despite the fact that I've basically maintained this weight for almost a year now that I've still set my goal below 150. Some habits die hard...

Isn't that the truth? I felt so fat and huge in college when I weighed 175-185. Now I'll be giddy to weigh that 'little'. Some of it, I think, is that it is more socially normal for women in their 40s to weigh a bit more. It doesn't look as out of place. That, and as we've become super sized, we are used to seeing a bit of pudge and find it pretty normal.

But really for me, I see how attractive I'm becoming. People used to tell me that when I was younger and thinner and I didn't believe them. Now I realize I've wasted the best years of my life as fat, unfit, and unhealthy looking. I'm seizing the last of my youth to strut my stuff too! (in a tasteful way, of course).

milmin2043
08-03-2011, 07:12 PM
I think, as so many others have said, it's all a very individual journey. For me, thinner is better, because I run almost every day, and weighing less is so much easier on my joints. That's why I am so happy to have found an exercise I really enjoy doing. When my focus was all on food, I drove myself crazy trying to keep my calorie level just right so that I wouldn't gain. Now I can relax with my food intake and concentrate on health and diffferent numbers, other than the scale, such as resting heart rate, blood pressure, and race times. :)