Featherweights - Can anyone relate? I "fell off the wagon."




skinny fast
07-23-2011, 09:50 AM
I don't understand why this happens to me. I know these are my choices to make and I know what the right thing to do is, but I don't understand why I get this way. Can anyone give me insight or relate to this??

I've been doing amazing for months. Working out about 6 days/week. Eating so well and enjoying it. I lost 18.5 lbs in about 3.5 months. I worked HARD.

(Warning: this could be a trigger for some people.)

So how could I let myself just stop everything & give into food and laziness? It started with a little reward, pizza at the end of a great workout day, low # on the scale. Then I finished off the leftovers the next day (which = a whole LARGE white pizza to myself) and added tiramisu. Then we hit this heat wave and I find myself inside my house nearly all day... can't workout outside, but instead of getting to my workout DVDs as I usually do I'm at the grocery store buying queso and tortilla chips and frozen enchiladas and skip my workouts all together? AND that lead to me spending nearly the entire week totally binging all day and not working out once!

I believe it's best to have a little bit of less healthy food every now and then and not cutting it out of your life altogether. But I don't do that, I binge! I always do. Like bad food is a trigger for my binging? I ate pizza last Fri & Sat, ate a lot of crap on Sun, worked out and ate well Mon trying to turn things around, but totally fell apart Tues, Wed and Thurs! I ate around 3-4,000 calories each of those days. Probably guessing on the low side. For example, on Tues I ate from 8:30am to 8:30pm. From what I can remember I had a bowl of oatmeal, an everything bagel w/veggie cream cheese (from Dunkin), most of my son's blueberry muffin (from Dunkin, so already here pretty much reached my goal calorie intake for the day), tortilla chips with a whole container of fresh salsa, an Amy's frozen black bean enchiladas, an Amy's frozen enchilada pie, almost the rest of the bag of tortilla chips w/a whole thing of spinach & artichoke dip & the rest of my queso dip, a can of Lentil soup, a can of minestrone soup, 2 skinny cow ice creams, a frozen Indian food entree, red potatoes, Special K's fruit crisps, flax cereal, some Cheetos & M&Ms... :o

I haven't worked out in 5 days! I stepped on the scale 2 days ago and from 118.8 I jumped to 131.8 (though that was at the end of a binge day).

Here's where it gets worse. Weighed in first thing the next morning (yesterday), 127.2. I freaked and pretty much didn't eat yesterday. I had a protein shake in the afternoon and a little tofu in the evening. I forced myself to. I could have gone all day w/out eating, easily. But I have a history w/anorexia <blushing & embarassed> but I am trying to lose the right way this time! So, 122.6 this morning, proving that most was water retention. But I'm still up 4 lbs in a week. And I'm still not working out. And not gonna. I just really don't want to eat at all... and at the same time I want to give in and buy more crap to devour all day as we sit inside again while it's 103 out there and the air quality is so bad we can't even hit the pool.

My mindset is so f*ed up. It all seems so hard. I'm feeling like the only way out is to not eat until I get back down to where I was. Maybe that will motivate me to workout again? But I'm screwing myself, right? Why do I do this? Why do I go from one extreme to the other? I know how to be healthy, I know I can do it, I know I like exercise and feeling strong... But I'm tired of it too. Sometimes I like to just take a break, sit down, shut down, slow down, eat and watch TV, and eat, and eat... :( Geez this is embarrassing!


texasgirl1107
07-23-2011, 10:17 AM
It's hard to stay on track sometimes. Get back to where you were and when you have that notion, use sugar free chocolates and other sweets that won't be as bad. If you are going to binge, try to use foods that are better for you. Maybe it won't be so bad for you next time. If you have a health food store, see if they carry Kitchen Table Bakers. They are different flavored cheese "chips" that you can munch on instead. Make a list of low carb things you love to eat and stock up on the snacks that way. When you want to snack, eat what you have already. This is what I have been doing at home and work. I carry some of it up there and keep in a drawer for when the others are snacking on sugar, I have something for myself and don't feel left out. I have made some desserts from Linda's low carb recipe site. You keep most of them in the frig or freezer and they are great to be able to just grab one or two and have my sweet tooth fixed. The frozen treats are good when it's hot too. It's been in the triple digits here for 22 days now.
Good luck! you have done it before, you can do it again. Just get your mind set again.

skinny fast
07-23-2011, 11:19 AM
Those are good ideas. Thank you.

I'm a vegetarian and mostly eat all natural and mostly organic. I usually shop at our organic market. I don't like sweets for the most part, and I don't binge by eating a huge all-greasy meal... I binge by quantity not quality. I can shove a lot into this tummy! And I can do it all. day. long.

You would think that eating the foods I usually do (even when I binge on them) would be enough to stay fit and healthy, but too much of anything is not good. And then when I "fall off the wagon"-binge I reach for cheese, chips or fries. I guess I need to stick to whole foods only when I binge. But when I feel like this is a life long battle and and I'm tired of fighting, that's just not going to cut it. No matter what the food, I over-eat.


ann71
07-23-2011, 12:37 PM
I'm sorry skinnyfast.

I have mild binges so I can relate. I'm getting a bit better at stopping and asking if I'm really hungry, and if not, finding something else to do. Doesn't always work, and sometimes I end up with a bag of chips or with cheetos. What works best for me is to just keep those foods out of the house. I will eat a whole bag of chips in two days, so I don't buy it. So when I do binge, it's a 240 cal bag from the vending machine.

With kids, that may be harder to do. You have to have a reasonable amount of food in the house. But certainly try to shop at times that you're in a more healthy mindset.

There's clearly no easy solution. Have you checked in with the "chicks in control" forum to see if they have suggestions?

skinny fast
07-23-2011, 02:00 PM
I haven't seen that board. I'll take a look, thanks!

The cheetos were a rare thing in our home - DH bought them for my kids. And then I ate them :( I usually buy healthy foods, and my kids are good at eating and liking healthy foods. But again, it's more about quantity than quality for me usually. I mean, next to the queso & chips I bought, everything was natural (wait the chips & queso were too), whole grain, low sodium, mostly organic...

I just don't understand how my mind can flip like that and I can tell myself 'I'm going to go buy a ton of food, sit on my butt and eat it all today.... and maybe tomorrow too.' KWIM?

inteventionn
07-23-2011, 04:53 PM
I am of no help here, only to relate because you described me to a T. You are helping me though, because I know I am not the only one like that. Its like, you sit in front of the food or the food is offered and your thoughts of working out hard and not eating junk and eating healthy ...they never even existed! its crazy. Just wanted to let you know, you're not alone in this.

ShanIAm
07-24-2011, 10:29 AM
I had fallen into the same trap. I reached one of my goal weights and I was feeling REALLY good. I thought, "OK, the rest can come off at it's own pace and it's time to allow myself a high calorie dinner today". I would get on the scale a couple days later and still saw a loss. A small one but one nonetheless. Then I said, "Hey, I can have ANOTHER high calorie meal because I survived the last one!". So one a week turned into two and then into three. It got to the point where I needed to eat a lot to feel satisfied. Some people debunk the idea of stomachs shrinking/expanding but I swear, I felt like mine definitely was expanding because my low cal meals just weren't cutting it anymore. And because of that, I ate more and more and more. The number on my scale yo-yo'd like crazy. Went from 132 to 136 to 134 to 136 again. Thankfully I recommited and I'm back to 132.

The difference between you and I though is I haven't had a honest to goodness binge so I know my issues lately are not nearly as disheartening as yours have been. But had I had a binge I know getting back on track would not have been so easy.

I have found for myself that getting back into the gym and working out was what I needed to conquer first and then the rest just followed. I know it's hard to get motivated but I promise that once you get in one good workout you will wonder why you ever stopped in the first place! And you'll definitely think twice about binging after you put in that hard work.

I wish I knew the "why's" as to why we allow these things to happen. It just does and we can't beat ourselves up over it. Right now it's about "what". WHAT can I do now to get over this? WHAT do I really want to accomplish?

I hear you....I understand....and WE are here for ya!!

:hug:

paperdollme
07-24-2011, 11:04 AM
I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that it's a function of [I]mindset[I] Also, I know for myself--I have a history of eating disorders as well--I had to learn to allow myself to take it easy. My therapist described it like a pendulum--I'd be SOOO good, eating perfectly on plan, exercising everyday, but man when that pendulum swung the other way, it went WAY the other way, basically because I had been holding it at the top of the other extreme, so when I let go, it went to the top of the other extreme. Back and forth. It's scary to allow yourself a break, because I think we think, "if I don't do xyz, then it will lead to a binge" and that stress of just anticipating not being able to handle a break, makes us even more likely to binge. I'd say, work on an exercise behavior, first. Take it easy on a day you would usually work out. Go for a walk, instead. Practice that taking it easy, doesn't mean falling head over heels into the pit of a binge. Practice it on an eating behavior as you get better at it. You'll surprise yourself, because you really can do it, without it meaning a catastrophic failure :).

PS--I know this doesn't work for everyone, but I think in terms of people with eating disordered pasts, we are similar in that we are "all or nothing" thinkers, so this middle of the road that might lead some people into a problem, is a good exercise for us. Just a thought.

krampus
07-24-2011, 10:07 PM
Hello skinny fast,

I'm there right now too. No words of wisdom, just an affirmation that I know exactly how it is. I hope we can find our way out of this slump soon. Try not to be too hard on yourself - it's OK not to be perfectly 100% on plan every day. Maybe look at this period as if you went on vacation and are now happily returning to routine after an "off" period. It sounds like you were VERY dedicated before, and I think a little rebellion is natural.

skinny fast
07-25-2011, 12:50 PM
Thanks ladies. Lots of good thoughts here. I really appreciate it.

Paperdollme, really good advice. Sounds like you understand. I don't know many people, IRL, with eating disorders, so it's so hard to find support. Your thoughts help. Thanks. I'm going to take your advice and consider my exercise habits.

I am not back on track. I haven't exercised at all (a lot has to do with my personal life this past week, just a lot happening with work, family, events, my a/c died.... you know, all of those excuses). And I've really limited my calories. :( I knew I'd go there :( I know I couldn't have gained that much in fat that fast, so I guess I had decided to limit myself until the water weight was off. So I'm back below 120 but I'm ready to get back to work!

In all, I'm trying to remember that I have worked hard, the right way, to lose about 18 lbs... I can't forget that, and I'm trying to forget my mishap. I can't wait to say, "I've lost 20 lbs!"

170starting
07-25-2011, 01:00 PM
QUESO IS THE ANTI-CHRIST... 39906



I have eaten 2 jars in one sitting.

skinny fast
07-25-2011, 01:15 PM
QUESO IS THE ANTI-CHRIST... 39906



I have eaten 2 jars in one sitting.LMAO. Cheers to that!

A good handful of times I have found myself devouring the entire container of Wholly Guacamole Queso! It trumps the crap that comes in the jars (unfortunately it's bigger too). I'm going to save my queso treats for Mexican restaurants from now on, or try to - much better than anything you can buy anyway. (except maybe Wholly Guac)

paperdollme
07-25-2011, 01:28 PM
Thanks ladies. Lots of good thoughts here. I really appreciate it.

Paperdollme, really good advice. Sounds like you understand. I don't know many people, IRL, with eating disorders, so it's so hard to find support. Your thoughts help. Thanks. I'm going to take your advice and consider my exercise habits.

I am not back on track. I haven't exercised at all (a lot has to do with my personal life this past week, just a lot happening with work, family, events, my a/c died.... you know, all of those excuses). And I've really limited my calories. :( I knew I'd go there :( I know I couldn't have gained that much in fat that fast, so I guess I had decided to limit myself until the water weight was off. So I'm back below 120 but I'm ready to get back to work!

In all, I'm trying to remember that I have worked hard, the right way, to lose about 18 lbs... I can't forget that, and I'm trying to forget my mishap. I can't wait to say, "I've lost 20 lbs!"

Skinny-- my PM box is always open. I feel like I've done a lot of really hard work in therapy to understand my own eating disorder(s). I think my head health is a lot better, in the fact that I can think rationally, and I can recognize red flag thoughts as they come up, and I think in terms of the eating disorder behaviors...they've definitely decreased. It doesn't mean I never have lapses. But my goal is lapse, not relapse--and there's a big difference for me. Anyway, I understand, and I think this community is a great place to get advice, it seems like a lot of women here have fought some hard battles with food and weight and I can;t think of a better place to get guidance.

skinny fast
07-25-2011, 03:55 PM
Thanks, paperdollme. You just got into some of what I asked you in another thread... like 30 seconds ago. LOL. I'm harassing you today! :D

pointless2011
07-26-2011, 01:59 AM
I am SO on the same boat as you! I have been working out for 5 weeks usually 4 or 5 days a week for 3 to 4 hours a day. Ate healthy, lost about 6 lbs.(which kind of sucked, I expected more). And for the past week I skipped 4 classes at the gym and I am eating really unhealthy.. I just can't bring myself back on track. If I have a cookie I feel so bad after eating it, I just give up and eat what ever is left :( I hate it and don't know what to do about it. Also it's very discouraging seeing the number on the scale go down only 6 lbs when I tried so hard for a month. ugh=//

skinny fast
07-26-2011, 07:33 AM
pointless, don't give up. I know exactly how you feel. Seeing good progress is my biggest motivator to work harder too. Don't punish yourself for not doing as good as you hoped to. I may have been doing some of that too. I'm still trying to get through this slump and back on track, but some of the best advice I have received was to just get a workout in. Just force yourself back into it. Working out really helps me to eat better, b/c I don't want to waste a day of hard work, KWIM? Hang in there! I'm trying to too!

skinnyelle39
07-26-2011, 12:25 PM
I too had somewhat of a relapse this past weekend. Although I was totally aware of everything I was eating and didnt get that out of control feeling that usually accompanies a binge. I agree with what others said that when we are so hard on ourselves about strict diet and exercise and we give in a little its so hard to get our minds back on the right track so that our actions and bodies follow.

I know for me I woke up this morning and actually missed living a healthy lifestyle. I envied the people I passed on the way to work who were running on the side walk, taking care of their health and bodies by being active. Being healthy just feels better. I think if you remind yourself of how good victories on the scale feel and just knowing that you are taking care of yourself you will be able to snap out of it. Goodluck! I totally understand