100 lb. Club - Lost confused and angry

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01-16-2003, 05:36 PM
Hello all,

I decided to rant a bit. I just talked to my lawyer. My ex just got the paperwork and has 20 days to respond. I also found out he was served with some other papers about simple assualt on a child. GRRR!!! Just when I was feeling comfortable about sending my kids to him for the weekend I find this out. In all the time we were together he never as much as spanked the kids now this. I am so angry about it I want to take everything in front of me and throw it at him. I don't want him to ever see his kids again. All I know is that this lady he is with has changed him a whole bunch. I don't know I am just so confused. I do know that I am now going for sole custody of the kids. He is not going to be able to make decisions on the kids future. Well I guess I am going to quit ranting for awhile and maybe check back in later thanks for letting me rant.

01-16-2003, 06:40 PM
Well if he is convicted of assult on a child you should have a huge chance of getting sole custody. Go for it, I bet you can do a better job of raising them yourself anyway. This is a really hard time for you Tamara but what doesn't break you can only make you stronger , I wish you the best of luck,


01-17-2003, 09:07 AM
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. It seems strange that he would charged with assaulting a child when he didn't show physical aggression toward your kids, but obviously you've got to presume the worst until proven otherwise. It always make me angry when a father (or a mother!) acts like a jerk, because kids just need and want to be loved by and spend time both their parents. Bless you for watching out for your little ones ... I know, what else would you do?? Take care of yourself while you're going through this difficult time.


01-17-2003, 10:47 AM
I am going through a divorce myself right now. While sole custody certainly seems the way to go (given I do not know all the facts...), please remember that children need both parents and that supervised visitation and a request through the courts that he seek therapy might be a proactive way to go...

I understand you are angry - I would be too. But, if he has never hurt his children then perhaps that should be taken into consideration. Have you talked to him about what is going on and expressed your concerns? Make sure you have the full story before running off half-cocked. I am certain your kids will thank you for it someday. Good luck. You are in a really tough position and I am sending good thoughts your way.

01-19-2003, 03:20 AM
Missy, thank you for saying that ... I had been thinking the same thing. Tamara, I know you're hurt and angry and all kinds of things ... but please remember that divorce is hardest on children. While you need to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and the kids, try to keep them in mind. I do hope you've got some positive people around you to give you support.

01-20-2003, 06:22 PM
Thanks all, I did let the kids go down there for the weekend and it seems to have gone OK. I don't know what to think about the assualt situation because these are words from a angry 13 year old child. 7 years speaks for itself I think. I know he may have changed but I don't believe he would do anything to the kids. It was a good weekend. I didn't do anything but work alittle and clean house and work on getting the house in order. I did spend some time away from home. I went to a hockey game with my mother and then spent time on the computer talking to some people. Well I hope all is well with everyone. Thanks again for your help. I am thinking of the kids right now and trying to keep the anger away for them. Although the anger is alot less now that he took the kids and is showing signs of wanting them. I have to return to work now talk to you all later.

01-21-2003, 08:50 AM
Tamara, I'm glad you're feeling better, though I know it's not easy and will probably not be easy for quite some time. I know there are people that would say you're crazy to let him have the kids with that allegation of assault ... but this is a call for you to make, because certainly none of us know the real situation. If that 13 yo is making false accusations, it's really sad because it so diminishes children that are being abused -- obviously, I can't say if he/she is lying, telling the truth, or exaggerating. Ultimately, you just need to make sure you don't put blinders on when it comes to your kids, and it sounds to me like you've got your eyes wide open.

Take care,

01-21-2003, 05:31 PM
But on the other hand you don't want to just think 'oh he would never hurt his own kids'. Abuse is almost always by someone that is known to the victim. It is a difficult situation. It would be better to be safe now than sorry later. Just my 2 cents.