100 lb. Club - Saying Hello (again) My story




View Full Version : Saying Hello (again) My story


Wyllowbelle
07-20-2011, 01:22 PM
So Last summer I wanted to do something about my weight. I started the journey and found this forum, loving everything I read and saw and how supportive this community was. About a month into my journey, my best friend had a terrible accident and fell down the stairs of her country farmhouse, breaking her leg in SEVEN places. I went to spend the remainder of summer with her, stopping all of my progress and "falling off." They ended up moving in with us, life started BACK up at its crazy pace, and though I didn't gain back the weight I'd started losing (I actually continued losing about 2 lbs a month for awhile, then leveling off and playing with 5+ and 5- for the rest of the time), I stopped all of my WORKING on it.

Well, we just moved from Portland to Tucson, AZ. In the three weeks we've been here, I have been harassed about my weight in public by strangers twice. The first time happened when I was in the grocery store and three teenage boys (after I smiled at them and made eye contact with them no less) followed me around the store making pig noises behind me. I was with my 8 year old daughter who was blissfully oblivious it was happening (Thank goodness) and I felt myself humiliated and too shocked, angry, and hurt to do anything about it. It was made worse because I was buying FOOD for the family. You know, reading labels and making sure the Hydro's and the HFC's weren't in them (I won't give that crap to my babies). They eventually left me alone... and I drove home angry and cursing out their little pimply faces in my head, blood and pulse POUNDING in my ears.

The second came a week ago when I was at breakfast with my mother and sister (around food again! Seriously?! Really?! fine.) A man in his late 60's or 70's began telling his wife in a VERY LOUD voice that I was "disgusting" and "how could I look in the mirror and think that I looked okay enough to go out of the house." Really mean things. REALLY MEAN.

Now, you should know something about me. I have purple hair. I LOVE theatrical dressing. I am USED to people not being comfortable with the way that I look. And yet, I was completely unprepared and unarmored for BOTH of these attacks. They went *DEEP* They weren't about my hair or my clothes. They were about my body and my weight. I came home and cried and felt every humiliation I had felt since childhood (I've been obese my entire life) well up within me. My partner was chewing through nails he was so angry, swearing that I would go nowhere in this community without him so that if ANYONE DARED hurt me again he'd be there to protect me. (I love him SO for that reaction!!!) My facebook friends rallied in support and shock and serious amounts of Love. And it helped me dig out a bit.

But then, something happened. I needed control. I was reminded that not only had I started this journey a year ago, I was doing DAMN GOOD on it. And so, I started again. July 18th. I started with NIA and getting my water back up to 10 glasses or more a day. I started halving my servings on my plate. I started with weight training every other day. Oh - and I got a new haircut. Because nothing gives my self esteem a little Sass than a cute haircut. And today, I started back on these forums.

I KNOW this is a long intro, but I really wanted you guys to know what brought me here. I'm not here as a failure (I celebrate very much the success I had) but I am here as someone who's gained a little OOOMPH and Light and Chutzpah on her path. And I'm here as someone who very much wants to get to know all of you and form a community. I am a firm believer that it takes a village to do A LOT of things.

If you're still with me after all those words, Thanks for reading! I look forward to knowing you all.

Light,

-Kiki


Lovely
07-20-2011, 01:38 PM
:hug: Welcome back =)

I'm very sorry that those people said and did cruel things.

We're glad to have you join us on your journey :yes: And I hope you're able to find the kind of support and encouragement that you need! Join in on any thread where you're comfortable.

I hope to get to know you better and see you around the boards!

DCchick
07-20-2011, 01:48 PM
O.M.G at your stories. Actually, thinking back to things that have happened to me over my lifetime regarding strangers and my weight, I guess I'm not too shocked, but still....it blows my mind.

Im glad youre back and committed. It's exciting and motivating to see progress. What eating plan are you following?


InsideMe
07-20-2011, 01:51 PM
Hey girl....yeah I read through your intro. Welcome back. Hey don't beat yourself up, be gentle with you, we are our worst enemies. Yes people are idiots, they should really keep their judgements to themselves, but don't let those negative comments feed that voice in your head that make you BELIEVE it. Cause it's not you, your body isn't your soul, you are worthy to shine your insides on the outside and like you I have also been heavy most of my life since childhood. There can be some deep rooted causes that we aren't even aware of as to why we have weight. For example, when I first started to lose I noticed a space between my arms and my waist...I never felt that before and you know what I realized? I didn't like feeling small, I ate as a child to cover up so much, being heavy and not small meant I couldn't be hurt. I'm not saying this is you, but as you go on your journey you will become aware of more of you, and how you really feel as your body changes, and those are all great things! You are deserving of this! Welcome girl! Yup there will be ups and downs, but we just keep going. Don't believe those external and inner voices, you can do this :)

Skinny in Oz
07-20-2011, 02:31 PM
I can not believe that people would say stuff like that! Why in the h3ll would they think it is any business of theirs at all? I'm very sorry you had to deal with that (and I think your partner is awesome --- hugs to him from all of us!)

But look what you did with that hurt --- you didn't throw yourself into food to bury the pain or shut down so no one notices you --- you channeled your hurt and anger (boy oh boy would I be angry) into getting your health back. I am so very glad you decided to come back to 3FC as part of your program. With your kick butt attitude, we are going to benefit from having you around.

So welcome back! I look forward to reading more of your posts ---- and we are always here if you need to vent about the stupidity out there.

(I would have been tempted to go up to the wife of that old so-and-so and tell her ever so sweetly, never looking at the old goat, that I sooooooo admired how she was loyal to him despite his obvious Alzheimers, but did shew really think it was a good idea to take him out in public like that? --- ok, I would have thought about it and not done it, but....)

Loli
07-20-2011, 02:35 PM
So sorry you had to endure that! But hopefully, you will be a better person for overcoming such obstacles.

Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing! Hugs!

JamiSue3916
07-20-2011, 04:37 PM
Well, I almost started this post with sympathy for what those doorknobs said to you but you know what...I'm kind of not. It was completely ****ty but it brought you back to your goals and that's actually really good. Would you be where you are mentally and emotionally right now if that hadn't happened? Maybe, maybe not, but it's hard to hate the bad stuff in our lives when it brings us to a good place, ya know?

It sucks, truly and deeply....but I'm SO glad your back!

(BTW - If I'm ever in Phoenix and run across anyone that appears to fit your description of dumb, dumber, and dumberer...I'm going to give them a serious whoopin'! :club:)

Sophronia
07-20-2011, 05:06 PM
So, Kiki, I think you're kind of awesome. And I also think Skinny's idea would have been awesome. And the thing is - I've reached the point in my life where I might have actually done as she suggested - if I had had the creativity to think of it.

So happy to have you here. As long as the haters don't get credit for it. You're here to accomplish and to celebrate - not to gain the respect of people who clearly aren't deserving of your time or attention.

Yay for you. Yay for your partner. And yay for your daughter. Can't wait to share your journey.

linJber
07-20-2011, 10:57 PM
Welcome back- so sorry for the ignorance of people. Good luck on your new commitment to good health.

Lin

Wyllowbelle
07-21-2011, 02:47 AM
Thank you All SO much for the warm welcome, the support, and the honesty. It is refreshing and uplifting. I can't wait to get to know you all better and be a part of this forum. I don't have an eating plan yet, other than half my serving sizes and write it all down. Right now my goals are fitness and water based, eliminate most sugars and refined white carbs, and "Eat good food - mostly plants." My fitness goals are Nia/Cardio 4 times a week, Strength training 2 times a week, and 10 + glasses of water each day. I think, as I learn more about how my body responds to different foods (and how I feel about them personally) I'll figure out the food part. Maybe that's naive, but that's where I'm at right now with it. We've already cut the HFC's and Hydrogenated Fats out awhile ago. White Flour is the next on the block. And yes, that makes me kind of weep inside.

I keep trying to "Like" everyone's comments - a sign that I spend entirely too much time on the Facebook!


And I agree with those of you that said these things, though they sucked, aren't so bad if they served to get me back on track. Though I didn't need the heartache, I'll take the kick in the pants.

Again, thank you so much for the warm welcome! What a wonderful hello.

-Kiki

mamakat
07-21-2011, 06:38 PM
Ah, you gotta love teenage mob mentality. I just had that happen to me the other night and go figure at a Popeye's Chicken (I wasn't eating there). I just passed a lovely group of young men who so politely said "look at that fat a$$" wasn't that nice of them to point it out? As though we don't all see it in the first place.

My first and last bike ride 14 years ago was with my 1 year old son on the back. I had a lovely group of young men "moo" at me. Mind you both times were when I was in the presence of my children and therefore had to act like a responsible adult (the only one around apparently) so I could do nothing in retaliation.

BUT on the brighter side, I don't take the rude remarks as bad (they have no idea I just dropped 40#). I may be fat, but they're :censored: jerks. I can change...can they? Hmm?

I too, have different shade of hair. I just finished with blue. I've had purple and nearly every other color. Truth be known, I shave my head and color it like a crayon and when I have to be an adult in adult places I wear wigs. I love to be different. I don't mind being looked at or pointed at or even insulted (these days) as I'm in a good place. I'm working on my health, I'm in a 18 year old marriage with 2 beautiful/intelligent kids who are polite and would never be rude to a person, in a crowd or not.

You sound like you're in a good place too. This is not about the :censored: jerks in our lives, this is about us. They do not control what we do, we do. So remember that on hard days too, you are in control, no one else. You are a strong woman, a mother and partner. Can the person who is insulting you say the same...now look at your baby. No, they can't. I hope all the best for you. :)

devnet
07-22-2011, 04:39 AM
Sigh, people can be quite stupid sometimes. Particularly teenagers.

Welcome back and best of luck to you. Don't let the morons get you down. *hugs*