100 lb. Club - This is going to be hard.




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ubergirl
07-18-2011, 08:30 AM
Hi everybody,

Ubergirl here. Some of you old timers remember me. I lost 110 lbs starting in June 2009. I overhauled my entire life too, started running and went from complete couch potato to running and daily exercise.

Unfortunately, my big weight loss plan coincided with many other major life stressors. In September I moved my entire family from our home of ten years, my kids started new schools, my husband started commuting, and I started a brand new job with a schedule I wasn't used to and a lot of stress.

I held my own in spite of the stress until about January, then slipped up, then got back on track. Five weeks ago, we moved again (out of temporary housing into a permanent home) but I also lost access to the gym I had been using.

I've had to work all summer while the rest of my family has vacationed. (my husband is a teacher.) While they were away at the beach, I used the excuse that I was feeling stressed and sorry for myself to go hog wild. I literally ate two entire sheet cakes. BINGE CITY.

This morning, I stepped on the scale. I've adjusted my ticker. I've called the gym and made an appointment to join.

So, I'm not as thin as I was this time last year (my all time low was 187)

On the other hand, I still weigh less than I had previously weighed any time in the past twenty years-- prior to my weight loss, my all time low was 230, back in the early 90s.

I am a stress eater, and what I've realized is that I basically give myself permission to binge because a) I can restart tomorrow and b) I'm still not as fat as I used to be.

This morning, I weighed 217. On 5/28, the last time I weighed in, I weighed 204. I had previously bounced all the way up to 215 in late April and then gotten back down.

My family is away AGAIN, but this time I have bought healthy food and am going to stay away from the grocery store.

One day at a time. My goal, for now, is to make it through today.


sevencallmemom
07-18-2011, 08:40 AM
You did it once, you can absolutely do it again! Hope you can overcome the stress eating for good...That's a HUGE one for me too!

Heather
07-18-2011, 08:43 AM
I hear ya. I've given myself permission to binge for all kinds of reasons in addition to the ones you listed... my dog had cancer, or I'm really busy, or I just want to, darn it!

In the end, I know that's not a successful strategy. Certainly not the quote in my siggie "Commitment to conscious control"... but "choices sure do have consequences"! I had lost 125 pounds or so and gained back 50!

I finally have the right "head space". I started a 100-day on plan challenge, and it's helped me get back on track.

Sadly, your story is an all-too-common one. The good news is that you CAN get back on track!!


goodforme
07-18-2011, 08:57 AM
Uber, you're one of the strongest chicks I know. :hug: You can SO do this!

MablesGirl
07-18-2011, 09:12 AM
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it seems (to me) as though you have to be perfect to lose weight. I know you will get those additional pounds off because you've done it already, and knowing that means that there is hope for me.

sept15lija
07-18-2011, 09:43 AM
Good for you for getting back in the saddle...you've done it once and you can do it again! That is a lot of stress....and oh my having your family on vacation while you work would tick me off big time! :) Anyhow we're here for you!!

djs06
07-18-2011, 09:43 AM
We all know where you're coming from, regardless of the point of the journey we're in. Most of us know what it's like to make excuses to not do what we know is best for us.

You've done it once, which proves you CAN do it, and you sound determined and focused, which is wonderful! It stinks that your family is away, but you can use that to your advantage by experimenting with new foods/meals and not worrying what everyone else is going to want, etc- you can go to the gym at your convenience and not around their schedule. You can do this!! :grouphug:

butterflymama
07-18-2011, 11:16 AM
You are very wise to recognize old patterns and to put a stop to them. I think we need to have compassion for ourselves especially during times of stress and when we slip up.

I too am a stress eater and one thing I have noticed is I eat to distract myself from what I am feeling. Sometimes we are so scared to feel the emotions that come up that we distract ourselves hoping the emotion goes away. The problem is that not only does that not work but it causes more pain and suffering and adds to the intensity of the emotion.

I have been trying to accept my emotions and feel them and not try to push them away. Yes some are pretty intense like abandonment, fear of losing my son (I lost my first born daughter at birth and this is a common feeling for me when my son gets any kind of illness) I am also trying to come to the understanding that there is nothing wrong with me and I am a whole person now not just when I reach "perfection"

Also I try to find other stress release that are not food like napping, exercising, writing, knitting, etc.

Lovely
07-18-2011, 11:19 AM
Gained back weight? Oh yeah. Been there. Done that.

You've caught it. You're managing it. :yes: That's progress!

m3rma1d
07-18-2011, 11:22 AM
Proud of you for coming back and getting back at it again!!

JamiSue3916
07-18-2011, 11:26 AM
:hug:

Sophronia
07-18-2011, 12:07 PM
The re-gain is a common story. What is less common, however, is catching it as early as you have and being super determined to fix it. Yay for that!

I remember making a million excuses to myself when I was re-gaining weight. They all made sense at the time. Yet, even the best excuse didn't stop me from getting fat again.

So hooray to both you and Heather for not waiting until you gained all of it back (and more) before re-committing. So great to have you here.

JenMusic
07-18-2011, 12:46 PM
Uber, I remember you, and had occasionally wondered how you were doing. I'm glad you're back! I think putting one foot in front of the other right now, day by day, is a good plan.

You know how to do this. It may not be easy, but it's been done once, and you can do it again!

astrophe
07-18-2011, 12:52 PM
Welcome back! I remember you -- and good for you for taking action!

A.

dewdrop1970
07-18-2011, 01:09 PM
I remember making a million excuses to myself when I was re-gaining weight. They all made sense at the time. Yet, even the best excuse didn't stop me from getting fat again.


I want to remember this quote!

alsten02
07-18-2011, 02:23 PM
glad you decided to come back, you made right choice.. ive been back and forth a lot & recently back again lol but I refuse to give up .. like you said, take it one day at a time, get through today :hug:

April Snow
07-18-2011, 02:24 PM
at the best titled thread shows, you are not alone

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club/237336-oh-poo-fat-again.html

Great for you for deciding to stop and turn things around before they got too far out of hand, and for continuing to do the mental work that is what will make you succeed and reach your final goal.

FitGirlyGirl
07-18-2011, 02:48 PM
Congrats for getting back to it now. You know that we are all here for you. :hug:

envelope
07-18-2011, 03:08 PM
Welcome back Uber! I remember you from last summer. I lost alot over the summer, then I got busy and stressed and "handled it" with stress eating...I just came back at the end of May. Guess what, this time around I am going to figure out a way to deal with being busy and stressed in a healthier way!

Arctic Mama
07-18-2011, 03:42 PM
I'm sorry you've had a regain - get it under control and take back your eating! You can do it!

BeachBreeze2010
07-18-2011, 03:52 PM
Hey uber!

I'm right there with you. We lost weight together and did well and then I think we both got off track. I came back in May after my life took a detour and have now lost back to where I was when I left last time. I am determined to keep going and get there! We did it once, and we can do it together again.

You might go back and read some of your old posts. You always had a lot of great insight and an amazing attitude. It might be helpful to you to re-read that.

Welcome Back!!

ubergirl
07-18-2011, 06:28 PM
Thanks everybody! I have already learned that for me, the best way to prevent the stress binge is to exercise.

As long as I exercise, I stay on an even keel and keep in touch with all of the reasons that I want to be healthy. I enjoy exercise. Which is why it puzzles me that I have a tendency to just STOP.

Then, anxiety starts taking hold, and pretty soon, it's binge city.

It has been more than two years since I started this journey, and while I've been quite out-of-control lately, what really helps me now is that I remind myself, ok, you're not going to eat x,y, or z and don't forget that you coped just fine without that stuff for TWO YEARS.

I'll keep ya'll posted.

MrsTee
07-18-2011, 06:37 PM
Hey Uber!
I just yesterday copied your post about the stages of weight loss into to 290 thread to share with everyone there - I so felt it summed up a lot of us in the battle of the bulge.
So my friend, back to stage one or maybe two for you - onwards and downwards, nothing can change the choices you've made - the best we can do is learn from them - cliche city I know but unforunately cliches get to be cliches becasue they are mostly true!!

ShoeCrazy
07-18-2011, 07:21 PM
You can do it again!! Forgive yourself and move on. :hug:

dragonwoman64
07-18-2011, 07:48 PM
I'm working on that too, got down to 237, then changed jobs and gained back about 25. I'm working my way back down. It's tough and really aggravating, but maybe sometimes it's part of the process of learning.

linJber
07-18-2011, 07:52 PM
Welcome back. Just take it one choice at a time, even, instead of one day at a time. We're all in this together. And I agree about the gym - it keeps me very motivated to stay OP with eating, too.

Lin

Angie
07-18-2011, 09:44 PM
Welcome back! Congratulations on taking action and intervening with yourself before you gained back all the weight!! Keep checking in here at 3FC..that always helps me remember my goals.

saef
07-18-2011, 09:58 PM
THERE YOU ARE!!!!!!

I'm just glad to "see" you again. I don't give a damn how much you weigh -- whether you gained -- except that I will do all I can (with words anyway, since that's what we can offer here) to help you get done what you need to do.

You need to come here when it feels like you might be wanting some time alone with a sheet cake.

What helps me sometimes: Pay attention to that anxiety of yours & what brings it on. I mean really, really observe it. Be brutally honest with yourself.

Be tough with yourself on the verge of a binge but be gentle with yourself after. Breaking the cycle is so important.

This staying healthy and sane about food & my health & my body image is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Seriously. Way up there. There is mental pain & there is a struggle & it makes me horribly uncomfortable & I'd do anything sometimes not to deal with it.

I'm glad you're back. Now STAY, Uber. Stay.

SLIMplicity
07-18-2011, 10:15 PM
Wow, I'm impressed! I'm just starting this week after about 5 years of fatness turned obesity..
You are making a decision about your health.. we are all human and obesity is a HUMAN condition..

Good luck! :)

ubergirl
07-19-2011, 08:36 AM
Day one was fine, and the few days before that were okay with no binging.

Happily, I'm down two pounds. I did bounce as high as this earlier this year in April and then I worked my way back down, so this feels doable.

Have an appointment at the new gym.

SAEF, funny how I managed to stay away from 3FC even though it's on my tool bar and not weigh a single time even though I weighed daily for two years. Denial is my modus operandi.

Still, I'm not as bad off as I used to be. And now, I actually can feel the anxiety and name it and recognize it, whereas before, I thought I was the most laid back person in the world who just happened to binge eat.

The journey continues.

BeachBreeze2010
07-19-2011, 09:31 AM
[QUOTE=ubergirl;3944221]SAEF, funny how I managed to stay away from 3FC even though it's on my tool bar and not weigh a single time even though I weighed daily for two years. Denial is my modus operandi.QUOTE]

THIS! I love coming on here and love talking to all of you and think this is an AMAZING site! So WHY would I leave??? But, we do. I almost think that coming here every day is as important as eating well. At some point, the community is infectious and I just do well. I lose weight and feel great when I come here. I gain weight and get upset when I don't.

I agree - I think there is something comforting about denial. Somewhere in my psyche, I am holding on very strongly to the idea that I can just be a naturally thin person and not have to focus on weight loss and exercise. I think getting to my goal and being successful in maintenance will be directly related to my ability to accept this fact. Almost like an alcoholic that thinks they've stayed sober for so many months/years and can drink like a "normal person" again. I will never be a naturally thin person but I can be a thin person with a slammin' bod if I stay focused on taking care of myself.

Exercise is a great mood stabilizer and gives me something to focus on that's not food related. When I exercise, I feel good and I stay on track. I actually like it. So, WHY don't I do it more? Same as the paragraph above.

It is a journey and we travel through self discovery. I think our progress is only as limited as our ability to achieve this.