Weight Loss Support - someone thought i was pregnant...
07-17-2011, 09:58 PM
I was on the elevator today and a lady said 'are you expecting?' i said know no, and the rest of the elevator ride was an embarrassing silence. I've never felt so embarrassed. I'm hoping to use this as a motivation tool, but its hard not to take it too personal. :?:
07-17-2011, 10:03 PM
Welcome to the forums =)
Yeah. You can't imagine how many times I've heard very similar stories from 3FC members.
I've never asked a person if they were pregnant, but after reading the stories and how they made other people feel I made a promise that I would not make a comment on how a woman is pregnant unless I saw the baby coming out... or, ya know... when she mentions being pregnant first.
07-17-2011, 10:16 PM
Sorry hun (hugs) One day this will be very, very funny. I know that doesn't help.
Once my sis and I went to buy booze for a party and my sister picked up a bottle coconut rum and said "I'm hiding this one, it's just for me." and the girls at the register told her that they wouldn't sell her anything because she shouldn't be drinking while pregnant. Of course she wasn't pregnant, just about 25 lbs overweight. AWKWARD!! But we do laugh about it now.
07-17-2011, 10:21 PM
first off.... WELCOME TO 3FC!!! :D and i feel you on that! its one of my major weight loss motivators. im sick of everytime i go to walmart someone up there asks me if i was pregnant! its just plain rude...... i just tell them nope i just REALLY like food haha
07-17-2011, 10:53 PM
Thanks all! I am definitely trying to turn this into a motivator instead of letting it get the best of me. I'm hoping I can look back on this day and see it as a turning point :) I just wonder if she was the first to say it, how many other people have thought it. ugh, so maybe i needed the wake up call.
07-17-2011, 11:00 PM
Lol I would have said "Yup. It's a food baby!" Lol
07-18-2011, 12:24 AM
I work in a job where I interact a lot with the public. Last year when I was 15 lbs heavier I would get these types of comments, I swear for about 6 months there I'd get one like once a month! The first time it happened it really bothered me, but after that it didn't phase me. I decided these people were just being dodos. I had a gut but they're the ones being dumb for not being able to tell the difference between a gut and a pregnant belly! :dizzy:
One time this man asked, "Is it a boy or girl?" and I looked up, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "Neither," looked back down and continued on with helping him in my usual friendly way. I wasn't rude or anything, just said what I said and went about my business. He was so embarrassed that he even said anything, hahaha. In my experience every time I've told someone I wasn't pregnant, they got really embarrassed or quiet after that. There's no reason for you to feel ashamed and yeah try not to take it personal if you can, chin up :)
07-18-2011, 12:35 AM
tell them you're having kittens :)
07-18-2011, 12:40 AM
Aw that happened to me at work, by someone I barely knew. It made me feel self-conscious all day. Just think, when you get to your goal, people will approach you and ask, "I'd kill to look like you. Can I ask you what your secret is?"
07-18-2011, 12:44 AM
Had that happen to me when I was 19 and only 145lbs. The fashion was big flowing shirts and I have a very ample amount on top :p It was a a christian youth function and a pastor of somekind came up to me and asked when I was due. The aweful part wasn't being asked that but the fact that I had just finished losing 50lbs! I was crushed, not for being overweight because I wasn't but that it didn't make a difference big or small-ish. People are insensitive. I had worked so hard to win the man that I loved love (who by the way invited me there so I was stoked before this happened). After that I just wondered if he saw the real me or was he lost in the past. Did I look pregnant to him? Sad part was I couldn't lose weight to change that moment in time. Good part...it's in the past.
Welcome to the forum, it's great.
07-18-2011, 06:27 AM
ahhhh, it's so awkward for everyone when that happens! definitely don't take it personally. use it as motivation, as you've been saying!
07-18-2011, 06:55 AM
It's happened to me, too. Of course, I was outraged the 2 times it happened, but I really think it had to do with my clothes. The shirts I had on at the time were really big. I stopped wearing those shirts, and the comments stopped, too. I think I still look pregnant now, though. I've had 2 babies, and 2 c-sections, so the belly is still saggy. Not sure if I will ever not look pregnant.
07-18-2011, 08:01 AM
In my 30's, I was asked that twice. The first time, I almost cried. The second time, I guess I was more hardened by it because I just shrugged and said, "No, just fat." I was hoping the person would be embarrassed. I have very little sympathy for ignorant people who ask that question.
07-18-2011, 11:27 AM
I just thought of a funny reversal - wait until you're really pregnant. Then when someone says something about the baby, look embarrassed and reply, "Um, I'm not pregnant" just to see what they do.
07-18-2011, 12:03 PM
I really think it had to do with my clothes. The shirts I had on at the time were really big. I stopped wearing those shirts, and the comments stopped, too.
I agree! My best friend Emma was just telling me about how her landlord (who they really don't see much) had been telling the tenets upstairs that Emma was pregnant - with twins! Emma is a size four and has a very flat tummy, so there was no way he could have mistaken her for pregnant if she'd been wearing normal clothes. Apparently when it happened, though, she'd been ill and had been wearing baggy sweats out and about. He even dropped off a pile of baby books as a goodbye present when they moved!
Clothes definitely don't help, but neither do the people saying them. I think sometimes people project their own issues onto others, and I know that their landlord was jealous of people who had kids. You never know what's going on inside a person's head that makes them say something like that, but I agree that the best way to go about it is just not to say anything at all. Unless someone specifically tells me they're preggers, I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
07-18-2011, 12:06 PM
been there, done that...twice! Use it as motivation!
07-18-2011, 04:34 PM
This happened to me recently. :(
Like others said use it as motivation. Also it made me rethink some of my clothing choices because I know some of my larger clothes make me look quite a bit bigger than I actually am.
Hang it there and stick around!
07-18-2011, 04:45 PM
Been there, heard that. The person knew I was trying to get pregnant, but that actually made it worse because I never did have another successful pregnancy.
07-18-2011, 05:12 PM
I have learned to never ask a woman about being pregnant! There is such a wide range of how bellies look, pregnant or otherwise. I have a good friend who is quite thin but I actually did think she looked pregnant the other day as she has a protruding belly. But she didn't mention it so I am assuming she is not... I have another super-fit friend who was annoyed that nobody realized she was pregnant; she just looked like a "regular" woman with a poochy belly until she was like 7 months pregnant! Oh and I arrived to visit another friend when she actually was 7 months pregnant, quite visibly, and I said nothing till she mentioned it on the outside chance she was just shaped really differently after her first child :lol:
Anyway, the reason I never ask is that I realize how it felt when I have been asked twice. The first time was by a massage therapist who just assumed I was pregnant (back when I weighed around 130 and had a flat belly) :?:
The second time was by a good friend who hadn't seen me in a while. I had actually lost around 10 lbs (152>>142) and was proud of my progress ... she was so excited, rubbing my belly. :o:o:o AWKWARD.
So yes, you have come to the right place to vent.
07-18-2011, 11:48 PM
thanks so much everyone! it is actually really comforting to know I am not the only one whom this has happened to. I'm definitely going to reevaluate my clothing choices too..
07-19-2011, 12:14 AM
People are so rude sometimes! I haven't ever had that happen to me but I would be livid if someone ever did!
07-19-2011, 09:08 PM
Sorry you had to experience that! Try not to let it hurt your feelings. Instead get angry and use it as motivation. My biggest fear is that someone beside me on an airplane will complain that I'm too big and I will either have to buy two seats or be taken off the plane. I am using that as my motivation.
07-20-2011, 11:58 AM
Sorry this happened to you. :hug: Some people just don't know when to keep their comments to themselves.
Shortly after I had given birth to my first child a lady asked me if I was ever going to have that baby? I said "I have, he's right over there!" Obviously I still looked pregnant.
07-20-2011, 01:31 PM
Me and my friends were no sooner off the ferry for a vacation when an older man touched my friends stomach and asked her when she was due! Fortunately, my friend has the best sense of humor, i on the other hand would have turned around and went back home on that same ferry lol! It didn't' help she was wearing one of those babydoll dresses ;)
07-20-2011, 02:03 PM
I had this happen to me when I was young and I have always regretted how I acted. She was an acquaintance at my daughters school. I did not say anything too serious, just scowled and said no. However, she was terribly embarassed. She was a very sensitive person and was truly happy for me one moment and totally deflated the next. I wish I had laughed it off.
07-20-2011, 05:02 PM
Sorry that happened to you. Some people have been speculating over the past year that I was pregnant because I put back on a few pounds and I got engaged last September, but I definitely assured everyone that I'm not, and it makes me even more determined to get rid of this belly!
07-20-2011, 05:04 PM
It happened to me too! I was buying zoo tickets at Giant Eagle. I said something about having 2 kids and she said something about "and 1 on the way". Uh no. I was wearing a tank top so maybe that had something to do with it. Ugh.
07-20-2011, 05:34 PM
First of all - I do not understand for the life of me why people would ask that to a complete stranger!? Second of all, it's easy to spot a pregnant woman - they're always feeling their own stomachs ;).
I feel like a pregnant hippo sometimes, so welcome to the club of people up the duff with too much food and too many cans of lazy! But no more I say!
07-21-2011, 01:57 AM
I recently found this article in the internet. Jean Nidetch (The founder of Weight Watchers) was also asked if she was pregnant. That was a turning point in her life:
Jean Nidetch ... struggled with her weight from childhood through early adulthood. One of her food obsessions was Mallomars, a chocolate-covered marshmallow cookie, she says. "That was my Frankenstein," her name for a craving that's impossible to resist. "For some crazy reason I had to have them. I didn't want my husband or children to see, so I put them in a plastic bag and put them in the hamper."
The turning point
She kept getting bigger.
She weighed 214 and wore a size 44 when she was finally motivated to lose weight in 1962 by a chance encounter in the supermarket.
"I ran into a neighbor who said, 'Oh, Jean, you look so good.' I was feeling very good about the compliment, and then she said, 'When are you due?' I didn't know how to answer her because I wasn't pregnant. I don't remember what I said, but I will never forget it."
Nidetch says she realized she needed to look at herself in a full-length mirror, but she didn't have one. "I didn't look at my body. I only looked at myself from the neck up. I was very interested in my makeup and hairdo."
She decided to try a diet program run by the New York City Board of Health Manhattan. She lived in Brooklyn at the time and had to take two buses and the subway to get to the offices for the board of health.
When she arrived, "there was the thin girl at the desk, and I asked where the group was. And she said, 'You want the obesity clinic.' I had never heard the word obese before. It shocked me. I said, 'I guess I do.' "
She found a seat in the last row "and I didn't take my coat off. I sat next to a woman who was also wearing her coat."
The woman running the meeting was a very thin nutritionist who had a picture of a fat woman next to her. She told the group it was a picture of her.
The nutritionist gave the participants a diet that recommended, among other things, that they eat fish several times a week, eat two slices of bread and drink two glasses of skim milk a day, Nidetch says. "I had never bought skim milk. I never drank milk. I drank soda. I drank everything that was fattening."
She lost 20 pounds in 10 weeks. Then she decided to invite some overweight friends to her apartment to tell them about the diet. "I am a sharer," she says. "When you give of yourself, you get back. I had to share it, so I called all my overweight friends. I only had overweight friends."
Start of something big
That meeting snowballed into more meetings, and in 1963, she created Weight Watchers International with the help of a savvy businessman.
Nidetch has had plenty of time to observe obesity in action since then. She noticed years ago that thin people have different meal-time habits than overweight people. "Thin people release the fork," she says, "and they chew the food with the fork on the table. They chew their food slowly. They look around at each other or the wall or a picture. They listen to the music. They sit back and take a breath. They do something other than concentrate on shoving the food into their body.
"Overweight people never let go of their fork. They hold it when they are talking. They hold it when they are chewing. I discovered that is one of the secrets. Let go of the instrument that made you fat."
She says she has never told anyone he needed to lose weight. "I don't believe in telling people. But people say to me, 'I wish I could lose weight.' I say, 'Wishing won't do it. I know you can. If you want me to, I'll help.' "
It's often a matter of putting food into perspective. "Food is not your remedy for problems," she says. "Food is not going to change your life. If you are lonely, food is not going to be your company. If you are sad, food is not going to give you solace."
And she continues to offer encouragement to others. "If you want to lose weight, you will — you can," she says. "You are capable. I'm 86, and I have blonde hair. That's not nature. It takes a desire ... and sometimes it's rather uncomfortable to get it done. It costs time and money. If you really want to do it, and you know it's your desire and you're capable of it, you will. It's that simple."
(Weight Watchers founder Jean Nidetch)
07-21-2011, 07:34 AM
I had that happen to me a few weeks ago by this sweet little old lady I was taking care of...I couldn't even correct her because of how kind she was I just smiled said thank you and walked away (She commented on how beautiful I was in my pregnancy and I was just glowing) lets just say I was glowing red as I turned away,and made me really enjoy the bowl of grass I fixed myself for lunch,lol. But I'm playing it up to the scrubs I was wearing , which I will never wear that pair again now....