Weight Loss Support - jealous of a friend




View Full Version : jealous of a friend


kimicat76
07-16-2011, 09:39 PM
there is a girl i used to work with all the time when i worked at walmart. she still works there and were friends thru facebook. when i started announcing to my friends i was losing weight on fb, she did too. and now its like she drops a pant and shirt size every week. today she wrote that she can wear a size 14 and shes bigger than me. ( i know it depends on body shape and such but were roughly the same height and she has WAY bigger boobs than me) she said she went from a size 20 to a 14 in 2.5 months. i can barely fit into 17s right now.... im starting to think shes competing with me and its making me jealous. what do yall think about it? would love some input =)


Lori Bell
07-16-2011, 09:51 PM
Just congratulate her and go on with life. In the end hopefully you'll both be healthy and fit and maintain your losses. If she's being untruthful it's only making her look and feel bad.

mateosmama2005
07-16-2011, 10:00 PM
I had a girl on my fb exactly like that-until yesterday. She just pushed it to much. I had enough! She would always be commenting on my status' and always trying to be better & seem to try and irritate me. So I finally had it and deleted her lol. I'm actually doing this the healthy way, she's doing the hcg drop/500 cal diet!


kimicat76
07-16-2011, 10:08 PM
I had a girl on my fb exactly like that-until yesterday. She just pushed it to much. I had enough! She would always be commenting on my status' and always trying to be better & seem to try and irritate me. So I finally had it and deleted her lol. I'm actually doing this the healthy way, she's doing the hcg drop/500 cal diet!

OMG she does the hcg drop thing too!! wow SPOOKY!! i do tell her good job and such but when i post something about losing weight or inches she doesnt do anything or say anything. sooo idk.... maybe im just being paranoid

luckymommy
07-16-2011, 10:08 PM
If she's competing with you, then let her. You don't have to get sucked into it. Just focus on your own journey. There are other people who lose weight after doing very little and others who lose at a snail's pace. Does that really matter? I used to get jealous of those kinds of things and then I realized that how fast someone else loses has nothing to do with my situation. Just focus on your own journey. By the way, congrats to you on the weight you've lost already! :)

kimicat76
07-16-2011, 10:15 PM
tyvm luckymommy =) ive been going kinda slow with my weightloss but thats because i want my body to have to time to readjust as well as it can and also for the weight to STAY OFF for good this time. i wanna be in my size 9 jeans real bad but i also dont want it to only last a year like last time lol

LGW
07-16-2011, 10:19 PM
You are doing a great job!

Be encouraged, not discouraged...whatever it takes!

LGW

LGW
07-16-2011, 10:24 PM
Question? At 500 calories....is there really a need to take the HCG...doubt it...

kimicat76
07-16-2011, 10:30 PM
Question? At 500 calories....is there really a need to take the HCG...doubt it...

soooo very true!

Riemontana
07-16-2011, 10:31 PM
I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I have been really careful about sharing my weight loss journey on facebook. I just think it often gets a little weird. Sometimes people will post something about how I look in response to a picture and I just thank them and move on.

There are a couple people at my work who have been on this extreme low carb, vitamin and appetite suppressant diet. They are losing a lot of weight. I don't really think it is very healthy but that is not my choice. A couple of them have made comments about how they have lost more than me, more quickly. Good for them. But I know that I can eat this way forever!

Don't let her get to you.

April Snow
07-16-2011, 11:30 PM
aside from what everyone else said, with a clothing size 17, you are talking about junior sizes, which are cut differently (and smaller) than misses sizes. So there isn't as much difference between a misses 14 and a junior 17.

for example, from the Target website

Size 17 Bust 41.5 Waist 34 Hips 44
Size 14 Bust 39.75-41.25 Waist 33.25-34.75 Hips 43.75-45.25

astrophe
07-17-2011, 12:15 AM
im starting to think shes competing with me and its making me jealous. what do yall think about it? would love some input =)

So if this chick bugs you with her competativeness... why don't you just hide her or delete her from your facebook?

It's like chips at the store. Resist it once, then you don't have to resist a hundred times at home.

Hide/delete this person, then you don't have to read their hundreds of sentences. Problem solved.

A.

xxkaleidoscopic
07-17-2011, 01:01 AM
Sounds like a very petty person. Just ignore her. If she's petty enough to compete, she either has more serious self-esteem issues, and/or could be flat-out lying. Not worth your time. You can also remove people from your newsfeed without deleting them.

swtbttrfly23
07-17-2011, 01:13 AM
I agree with the above responses, just ignore her! It does sound to me like she's competing with you. So let her! Let her do whatever she's going to do. You just keep going and focus on your journey. 500 cals a day sounds absolutely awful, and there's no way she's going to be able to do that her whole life. What is it they say about fighting your battles? She might be "winning" (I put that in quotes because she seems to be the one who thinks you two have to go head-to-head about it) in the short term, but focus on winning for yourself in the long term. Congratulations on your successes already and good luck!

And honestly, if she bothers you that much, just block her. Life is too short and precious, and it's just facebook. :-)

KatieC87
07-17-2011, 01:16 AM
@kimicat76 There will always be people around who seemingly lose weight at the drop of a hat. Likewise, there are ALWAYS going to be people who are jealous, competitive, or just plain unsupportive (is that a word?) when you try to better yourself. I don't know exactly why this is. Sure, a little jealousy is okay, but why would you want to bring a person down when they're doing something that's already really difficult for them?

I have a coworker who has been anything but supportive of me. I just started counting calories again two weeks ago, and she uses every opportunity to belittle my efforts, even rolling her eyes when I choose something healthy over something unhealthy. I know she's struggled with her weight for a long time, and she will talk about dieting but then drop it for a few weeks before having any noticeable results. Maybe she's just discouraged, and my talking about my successes doesn't help. I don't know...

In any case, it doesn't sound like you and this girl are particularly close. If it was me, I would delete her as a friend, or at least change your settings so her updates don't show up. You can't let what's going on with her discourage you or annoy you. Focus on you and your successes.

silentarctic
07-17-2011, 01:33 AM
Ditto about hiding her feed, if it bothers you, don't read her stuff, if you want to be friends in the future just adjust your settings for now and don't delete her.

That said, I don't talk about losing weight on face book updates at all. Just now how I am right now, I don't even post pictures of myself right now. I might eventually. But right now I don't feel like doing that. Remember that weight loss is about you... not about this 'friend' or anyone else.

kimicat76
07-17-2011, 02:17 AM
aside from what everyone else said, with a clothing size 17, you are talking about junior sizes, which are cut differently (and smaller) than misses sizes. So there isn't as much difference between a misses 14 and a junior 17.

for example, from the Target website

Size 17 Bust 41.5 Waist 34 Hips 44
Size 14 Bust 39.75-41.25 Waist 33.25-34.75 Hips 43.75-45.25

yes i mainly wear juniors sizes as they fit me better. 19s just about fall off me 18s are a lil snug and 17s are a bit tight. i can get a pair of 13s up my butt and around my hips but i cant button them by about an inch LOL they are pretty similar. ty for bringing that up =)

kimicat76
07-17-2011, 02:22 AM
@kimicat76 You can't let what's going on with her discourage you or annoy you. Focus on you and your successes.

tysvm =) i try not to let it get to me but it does. and the reason i dont block her is because she works with my husband and we have ALOT of friends in common from when i worked at walmart. we arent particularly close no, but shes not all bad. sometimes she does have to have the last say in something or always correcting someone but other than thats shes pretty nice and funny

KatieC87
07-17-2011, 02:44 AM
tysvm =) i try not to let it get to me but it does. and the reason i dont block her is because she works with my husband and we have ALOT of friends in common from when i worked at walmart. we arent particularly close no, but shes not all bad. sometimes she does have to have the last say in something or always correcting someone but other than thats shes pretty nice and funny

Ah, gotcha. That does make it more complicated than I thought. It would probably be easier to accept and celebrate her success with her if she did the same for you. I'm sorry she's not more supportive. But look on the bright side... You've got us! :)

syzygy
07-17-2011, 04:58 AM
Hi, new poster here. I've been working on holding a compassionate viewpoint where I find somebody else's behaviour seems targeted to annoy or undermine me. They're not feeling ok about themselves if they need to do those sorts of things to feel better, and that's an awful place to be. You, on the other hand, seem like an open positive person, willing to admit to challenges and gain the support of others in a co-operative rather than competitive approach to losing weight. It's a shame she hasn't used an approach which engenders support - she's missing that opportunity for herself. From what you've said, you're already managing to still hold a positive view about her in some ways, so well done on that!

Anyway, once I've found a way to see the sadness or vulnerability in a person's behaviour, it often takes the sting out of it for me and allows me to take a more patient/mindful approach to them. Win for me (stop feeling cranky), win for them (I don't get involved in one-upmanship back).

I would add, I'm quite a cranky impatient person by nature, so this is a challenge for me. I often have a rant and whinge before I can get to that place. And I often slip back out of it and have to discipline myself.

Good luck.

Lovely
07-17-2011, 04:39 PM
Ahhh, Facebook.

Regardless of what she's doing, she's probably just excited and can't see past the end of her own nose. Happens to a lot of us at some point or another.

If you want the support to be reciprocated, but it's not... then don't post on those particular statuses of hers. Note them, and then move on mentally.

You can't compare your losses to another's. It's not a race, it's a personal challenge. The "winners" aren't the ones who get to the finish line, they're the ones who lose the pound and never gain it back again. You can't determine that by how fast someone drops the weight.

You've lost 35 pounds never to be seen again. That's all that matters.

mateosmama2005
07-17-2011, 08:04 PM
Question? At 500 calories....is there really a need to take the HCG...doubt it...

The drops require you to be at 500 cals a day. I think its rediculous. Just gonna gain it back!

Snoofie
07-17-2011, 08:10 PM
Hm. I always post my progress on FB after my weekly weigh-in, and now I'm wondering if people think I'm being petty. Ah well, if they do, they don't have to comment.

ANYWAY.

As for this girl...she's turning this into a competition, sounds like. Just don't take the bait. As others have said, if you do want to reply, just congratulate her and move on from there. And don't compare yourself to her in terms of the size she's wearing and whether or not you "should" be at the same size; as you said yourself, everyone's different. She may have a different frame than you, or be taller/shorter, or just carry her weight differently.

Above all, congratulations on the weight you've lost, and good luck! :)

mateosmama2005
07-17-2011, 08:18 PM
and remember your doing it the right way. shes doing it the fast & temporary way. no one can live on 500 cals a day forever! so dont pay any attention to it :)

kimicat76
07-17-2011, 09:17 PM
ty everyone!!! i will just ignore her then lol maybe soon enough shell see whats shes doing and correct it. =)

Mitsu23
07-19-2011, 09:13 PM
She's doing the HCG...don't worry about it! She's eating 500 calories a day!! I can't imagine starving myself to loose weight. You know you are doing it the right way and your making a lifestlye change not a quick fix. What's going to happen when she starts eating a healthy amount of food?? Your doing a great job and if she's really making you upset consider if she is a true friend.

pnkrckpixikat
07-19-2011, 09:40 PM
who cares if shes being competitive... she is not doing something she can continue after losing the weight, which means she will likely go back to her original way of eating and gain it back. You, on the other hand, are learning everything you need to know to maintain. Let the competition be who KEEPS it off... my bets are on you!

SLIMplicity
07-19-2011, 09:59 PM
It sounds like you are losing it the right way..the slow way :)

I know this sounds really mean, but like when she loses all her weight the "FAST" way..and regains it and then some..you can always facebook later how great and skinny you are, and ask her "like what happened?!"
I know evil :devil:

Give her a taste of her own medicine..

Remember the steady modest TURTLE won the race, not some blowhard, hoity, bragging, facebook-hog!
:D

98DaysOfSummer
07-19-2011, 10:58 PM
Maybe she's somewhere right now on some other forum asking people if they think you are trying to compete with her ;) She's doing the same thing you are - losing weight and talking about it. That doesn't necessarily make her petty or jealous or competitive. Of her potentially hundreds of friends, why would you be target of her weight loss updates?

We aren't nearly as important to other people as we think we are. They're doing the same thing we're doing - mostly thinking about themselves. Maybe she's just happy that she's losing weight.

As I understand it, for people who go that route, it is very fast. I couldn't do it, I like to eat, but I've done enough REALLY stupid diets to know better than to judge someone else. I don't have a (fat) leg to stand on where stupid diets are concerned!

You could lose a friend by assuming that she's rearranged her whole life just to spite you, or you could assume the best and go on with your life and your efforts.

kimicat76
07-20-2011, 12:09 AM
Of her potentially hundreds of friends, why would you be target of her weight loss updates?

We aren't nearly as important to other people as we think we are. They're doing the same thing we're doing - mostly thinking about themselves. Maybe she's just happy that she's losing weight.

because i know how she is and i know her personality. she IS the type to one up someone. just saying. i dont think im important to anyone except my family and a few close friends.

djs06
07-20-2011, 10:50 AM
I have a facebook "friend" who I went to high school who was obese until we graduated and is now a stick and constantly posts ridiculous messages about overweight people, sometimes TAKES PICTURES ON HER CELL PHONE of overweight people sitting at bars and makes nasty comments. This is in between posts about entering bikini contests and posting pictures of her showing her midriff and acting like she was never in her life fat (and let's not even get into a discussion on her plastic surgery).

She's a nasty person and I hide her on my feed, but every so often I go to her page and read her stuff just to get pissed off. I don't know why. :lol:

Point is, some people just have to knock others down to feel good about themselves. And maybe she's not competing with you, maybe she's just so excited that she's finally successful at a diet that she has to broadcast it to the world.

Just go about your business and worry about taking it off and keeping it off- something she probably isn't thinking about at all.

irishcanary
07-20-2011, 08:05 PM
Yeah i was on twitter and i was posting about my weight loss journey then a few other followers who i know in real life, started to do the same. I've since then decided to confine my weight loss journey and stuff onto 3fc.

It is hard to not feel jealous of anyone doing better than you, i think its just part of being a human.

mateosmama2005
07-21-2011, 04:51 AM
question- how do you hide someones feed? A few of you mentioned it, im curious!!? Thanks :)

Kaonashi
07-21-2011, 05:02 AM
Mateosmama: Go to any of their posts on your feed and roll over their name. A small "x" should appear. Click on the "x" and it will give you the option of hiding that particular post, or every post by that person.

Hope that helps!

Esofia
07-21-2011, 07:10 AM
I agree that you should hide the posts by this person. It's not worth the stress. Meanwhile, do think about how your Facebook weight updates could be upsetting your friends just as much. If any of them are overweight or think they're overweight, it's likely to be upsetting for them. A 3FC blog or similar may be a better place for weight loss updates.

BetterLikeMel
07-21-2011, 08:09 AM
You can also add her to a list where she doesn't see your status updates... that way you may know if she's really competing... give her a chance to have nothing to compete with.

skinnysooz
07-21-2011, 09:00 AM
Just try and ignore her...I agree, don't defriend but maybe block her updates from your wall. Don't let her get to you. While you're being wholly honest maybe she feels a bit threatened too & is exaggerating her weight loss a little :)

kimicat76
07-21-2011, 01:59 PM
I agree that you should hide the posts by this person. It's not worth the stress. Meanwhile, do think about how your Facebook weight updates could be upsetting your friends just as much. If any of them are overweight or think they're overweight, it's likely to be upsetting for them. A 3FC blog or similar may be a better place for weight loss updates.

after i made the post here, i thought about how maybe i was turning the tables and making other people feel bad while im talking about my weight loss. so since i havent made any weight loss updates on fb. and low and behold neither has she <_<

Dorian5
07-21-2011, 02:28 PM
after i made the post here, i thought about how maybe i was turning the tables and making other people feel bad while im talking about my weight loss. so since i havent made any weight loss updates on fb. and low and behold neither has she <_<

I made ONE post on my facebook about how I was so excited to have lost 25lbs, and while a LOT of people were really supportive, one chick told me no way I lost 25lbs and fit into size 3 jeans. WOW, really? She was also on some kind of nonsense diet.

Since then I've kept the weight loss talk to a minimum on facebook, figuring she might have been saying what some others were just thinking.

At any rate, glad to see that she hasn't been posting since she hasn't had any competition. :D You're doing great and have made a lifestyle change which will get you exactly where you want to be!

Beach Patrol
07-21-2011, 02:51 PM
after i made the post here, i thought about how maybe i was turning the tables and making other people feel bad while im talking about my weight loss. so since i havent made any weight loss updates on fb. and low and behold neither has she <_<

Maybe I'm off-base here, but I believe at some point, people HAVE to be responsible for their own feelings... meaning that we can't be overly concerned with whether or not other people "feel bad" when we talk/post about our weight loss. Weight loss is about so much more than "looking good"! - It's about health benefits and others things as well, and there's nothing wrong with tooting our own horn as long as we don't toot it so loud that it deafens others, capiche? ;)

ETA: THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT THE O.P. OF THIS THREAD. I understand jealousy - it's a very human emotion. It's quite understandable to feel jealous toward someone who is achieving when you're struggling so hard. What I'm responding to is like where Dorian5 said: one chick told me no way I lost 25lbs and fit into size 3 jeans. WOW, really? I mean - that's just ludicrous ... so catty & snide! BTW Dorian, you look absolutely smashing & I bet you feel great too! :cb:

Dorian5
07-21-2011, 03:11 PM
What I'm responding to is like where Dorian5 said: one chick told me no way I lost 25lbs and fit into size 3 jeans. WOW, really? I mean - that's just ludicrous ... so catty & snide! BTW Dorian, you look absolutely smashing & I bet you feel great too! :cb:

You are so sweet. :D This chick actually says horrible crap to most all females, not just me. Her remark was something like "When I weighed less than you in high school I wore a 5 at 120, no WAY you wear a 3" -- I have virtually no hips and I'm short, which is why my pants size is small, but I had no idea that anyone would need for me to explain it! I just deleted the whole post. :rolleyes:

After I posted on here about that, I was inspired and I went through and deleted some facebook "friends" -- her included. No need to be negative like that! She must have low self esteem (probably the OP's facebook "friend" too!)

I love how supportive everyone here is of each other, all the posters on here are BEAUTIFUL in so many ways, both their personalities and physically. :hug:

ItsMyTurn
07-21-2011, 04:34 PM
Sounds like posting here instead was definitely the answer :) So glad!

I don't post weight loss subjects on my FB, but I did start a group on Facebook (private, so only other members see posts) because there were a bunch of us that were trying to make healthier decisions for our bodies; be it weight loss, a different eating habit, fitness, etc. So that gave me an outlet before I found this place :)

Our journeys are personal and sometimes, even when we try not to let it bother, other people's words hurt and discourage us. I think an outlet is necessary to success

neon_zephyr
07-21-2011, 05:48 PM
Some people thrive on competition because that's what motivates them. If competing against you is making her work harder, then that is good for her. If she's you're friend, try to be happy for her. If, however, you don't like that she is achieving her successes quicker than you, you can either work harder yourself to compete against her or just tune it out and recognize that every person is different and the rate at which she will make progress doesn't have to be the same as your rate of progress. If she is lying and can't back up her claims, she will look foolish all on her own. However, try to take joy in your own accomplishments. And, try to think about why you're feeling this jealousy. Is it disappointment in your own quality of effort? Then work harder to make yourself happy. Is it disbelief of her progress? If she's lying, the truth will emerge. Is it just that you think she's trying to show you up? If so, think about whether or not you actually want that kind of negativity in your life. Friends are supposed to be supportive, not secret enemies, and if she isn't really a friend and is just masking her desire to harm you by pretending to compete and be better at what she is doing, then you can do without her in your life. At any rate, it sounds like you are making some solid progress that you can maintain, so kudos to you! Try and see the great work you're doing and just tune her out if she offends you. And, remember, if you don't want the drama of deleting a friend, you could always just hide her comments so that they don't seem like they are in your face all the time. :) Hang in there and don't let jealousy get you down; recognizing a wayward feeling is the first step to analyzing and controlling it.

BetterLikeMel
07-22-2011, 06:58 AM
I've actually never made any comments about my weight loss on facebook. It never even really occurred to me to do so as I never really made one of those 'right! I'm making a change!' decisions. I tell people in conversation how much I've lost and to those who didn't know me before, they don't tend to believe me... especially as I de-tagged almost all the fat pics of me on facebook.

Girls are so weird though, the motivations to be supportive/non-supportive are so mental sometimes!

ButterCup85
07-22-2011, 07:46 AM
I understand where you are coming from. I know many here use diets and that is fine, most of them know they can't just revert back to old ways and that is why many diets don't work 5 10 15 years down the road. It doesn't matter. You are doing it, period. Slowly or not, you're doing it and doing it healthy and when you reach goal it wont be difficult to maintain, or as difficult I guess.

By the way I live in Burleson, is it creepy that I'd like to hang out with people that live close by who are losing weight as well? I may have to make a post.

Also, that's why I don't use fb, most of the time it seems everyone is just trying to one up someone else. If people want to talk to me they can call, not leave a message. If they don't call what they had to say wasn't important or they aren't. Just my rant for the day lol.