Weight Loss Support - My teen is mean or has a bad sense of humor




berryblondeboys
07-15-2011, 08:46 PM
I think it's a combo of both. That crude teen sense of humor and just not knowing when to shut his trap and being mean.

So, we were outside having dinner on this gorgeous night. I was making a bit of fun with my bat wing arms and my teenage son says, "Good thing you're married because you wouldn't be able to find a guy with those arms." I told him he was being mean and really obnoxious, and trying to get out of it he digs in deeper and says, "Well, really, how could you find someone looking like that?"

All it did was make me mad at my son (and he has ADHD and his ability to think things through is lacking, but still!!!) A few minutes later my husband, my younger son and I were taking a walk and I said that I would much rather have bat wing arms than be heavier and he agreed. He also said that our older son's sense of humor needs some refining (he thinks too much of his communication is online and not with people face to face).

I post this because not that long ago a comment like that would have sent me reeling. I would have believed that no man would love me or want me because of my body's imperfections. Yet, I know that's not true and there's something wrong with the person saying that - not something wrong with me. As a matter of fact my sex life has been great since I've lost weight. Seems hubby doesn't mind the bat wings at all since most of the rest of me is a lot better!

It's a big step for me to be able to get past a comment like that. Maybe I've finally matured at the ripe age of 41?


fitmom
07-15-2011, 08:54 PM
My nine-year old son says things that 'get my goat' sometimes too. He can't say much about my weight anymore b/c at this point, I'm pretty lean but he kids me about turning 40 soon and having a few forehead wrinkles. I just take it with a grain of salt and tell him that I'd like to see what he looks like at my age, lol. Mostly he's complimentary, thankfully except when he's in a mood.

My hubby tells me I look better now than when he met me 20 years ago so our relationship (all aspects) has greatly improved b/c I'm more self-confident in general.

I think with age (I'm 39) comes wisdom. At least that's what getting older has done for me. :)

alaskanlaughter
07-15-2011, 09:02 PM
I think it's a combo of both. That crude teen sense of humor and just not knowing when to shut his trap and being mean.

So, we were outside having dinner on this gorgeous night. I was making a bit of fun with my bat wing arms and my teenage son says, "Good thing you're married because you wouldn't be able to find a guy with those arms." I told him he was being mean and really obnoxious, and trying to get out of it he digs in deeper and says, "Well, really, how could you find someone looking like that?"

All it did was make me mad at my son (and he has ADHD and his ability to think things through is lacking, but still!!!) A few minutes later my husband, my younger son and I were taking a walk and I said that I would much rather have bat wing arms than be heavier and he agreed. He also said that our older son's sense of humor needs some refining (he thinks too much of his communication is online and not with people face to face).

I post this because not that long ago a comment like that would have sent me reeling. I would have believed that no man would love me or want me because of my body's imperfections. Yet, I know that's not true and there's something wrong with the person saying that - not something wrong with me. As a matter of fact my sex life has been great since I've lost weight. Seems hubby doesn't mind the bat wings at all since most of the rest of me is a lot better!

It's a big step for me to be able to get past a comment like that. Maybe I've finally matured at the ripe age of 41?

my older one with ADHD, age 13, also has very little mental "brakes" when it comes to what he says...he can also be rude sometimes or obnoxious and also doesnt know when to STOP talking lol


April Snow
07-15-2011, 09:21 PM
My son is 7, also with ADHD and while he's been supportive of my weight loss efforts, I arrived at the family ice cream party at his camp yesterday to find out that he had informed EVERYONE that his mom couldn't eat ice cream because she can't eat sugar. lol!

It boggles my mind to think what he will do and say when he's a teenager!

mzKiki
07-15-2011, 10:40 PM
Kids aren't necessarily trying to be mean. They just lack the common sense to shut the heck up! I often think my 16 yr old is crazy & I choose to believe that I was much more tactful and sensitive to others feelings at that age. (though I probably wasn't).
I'm glad that you didn't take his comments too seriously and that your husband love you (bat wings and all).

shcirerf
07-15-2011, 11:46 PM
:hug:

"IT" is a teenager. Nuff said. Raised 2. They do grow up and get brains, just takes awhile.:D

EZMONEY
07-15-2011, 11:57 PM
Art was right...

Kids say the darndest things....

especially teen-agers...

but so do us adults....

unless it becomes a habit...blow this one off!

alaskanlaughter
07-16-2011, 12:01 AM
My son is 7, also with ADHD and while he's been supportive of my weight loss efforts, I arrived at the family ice cream party at his camp yesterday to find out that he had informed EVERYONE that his mom couldn't eat ice cream because she can't eat sugar. lol!

It boggles my mind to think what he will do and say when he's a teenager!

mine has mellowed out somewhat now that he's getting into teenager years...he's 13, almost 14...he's not so physically hyperactive and has developed the social skills that were a struggle when he was younger...he is VERY social now lol like most teenagers are...however he still struggles with those mental "brakes" and would eat until he puked unless i put the brakes on his eating and told him "no more"...as in "you need 2 slices of cheese for a sandwich, not 15" and "drink one can of soda, not all 12 tonight"...because he doesn't pay attention to what he's putting in his mouth

he still struggles academically and is on his medication for ADHD during the school year...he still has special ed help but not alot...he struggles to focus, do the work (increasing amount of work as he enters 8th grade now), and turn things in on time

however he seems to have outgrown the years when he would accidentally hurt himself by not paying attention...he once was running and not watching and ran face-first into a concrete lightpole in a parking lot...shattered his glasses, bruised half his face, looked like he'd been in a fight...and once he was using a knife to stab a hole in a soda top, he missed and put the knife through the webbing between his thumb and forefighter...*sigh* and i wonder why my hair is grey :dizzy:

astrophe
07-16-2011, 12:52 AM
Good for you! :cheer:


I have to say this made me laugh though.

"IT" is a teenager. Nuff said. Raised 2. They do grow up and get brains, just takes awhile.

Mine is not a teen yet, but I hope when DH and I go through puberty again with DD that we all survive!

A.

mamakat
07-16-2011, 08:20 AM
I guess I should be thankful my lovely young man (15 ADD) is an introvert and hardly ever talks. It's the 11 year old (girl) that has the insults flying. She can dig them in too. I've heard the one about not getting a man a lot. The thing is is that I've been fighting weight and crappy comments ALL my life that I'm sort of immune when it's family who says them. And when someone else says something I reply "did you see that in the paper because I didn't know I was fat. Hmm thanks" My DH and kids went to Comicon last year and brought me a lovely lovely shirt that says I'm Fat Let's Party because that's exactly how I see it. Look you aren't telling me anything I don't already know.

As for bat wings...come on they're bat wings! I'm picturing a super hero right now in my head. And that's what we moms are. When another "nice" comment comes from one of our children we should just reply "I wiped your butt til you were___" That'll shut them up. No kid likes being reminded of that.

I'm glad you didn't take it to heart. One day when he's older and married and his wife is pregnant or just had a baby you should remind him of his comment. Then ask, do you love her? And he'll realize it isn't about weight or wings it's about who you are.
:)

JenMusic
07-16-2011, 08:22 AM
I don't have any kids, but I was one! :)

I'd like to think I was never purposely cruel to my parents, but I'm pretty sure I said some hurtful things to them growing up. I regret that.

My parents are amazing, and we've always had a good/great relationship, but being a teen was hard. On the whole family. :)

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day your son will remember this and cringe that he was ever that thoughtless with his beloved mom. :hug:

losermom
07-16-2011, 09:18 AM
Teenaged boys are DUMB! They are still learning to be tactful and empathetic to others. I would point it out to your son that what he said was hurtful and move on.

My DS16 told me this week that he didn't like my new haircut because it was a big change. I had bangs which I haven't had in 10 years and he's resistant to me changing my appearance. He usually has the same reaction when I color my hair any color other than blonde.

darius
07-16-2011, 09:39 AM
I remember enough about being a teenager to recall saying things for no other reason than to shock the heck out of older people. I and my brother and sister never directly insulted my parents because they beat us. I don't have lasting issues but I occasionally look back on it with resentment.
But I don't have issues.
Oh who am I kidding.

mamakat
07-16-2011, 09:47 AM
losermom my kids get to pick out the color of my hair. they always have. lately I'm sporting blue, but I've been green, purple and pink along with all the "normal" color. Alas I will have to change it this week as I have jury duty coming up and I'm not sure I want to wear my wig yet.

losermom
07-16-2011, 10:03 AM
Mamakat, ooh fun! I love those colors but they fade so quickly. Is there a specific brand of color that you use? I can't do anything really crazy right now, because DD24 is getting married this fall. She was pissed that I got bangs too because I "B*tch stole my look!" She's planning on getting bangs after the wedding too and told me that now she's "going to look just like my mother". But I've been thinking about it for over a year and finally just did it. I was ready for a change and they're cheaper than botox.

KatieC87
07-16-2011, 10:18 AM
It doesn't help that he's a young man. Even my 31 year old husband sometimes puts his foot in his mouth when it comes to weight loss and body image. He never says anything mean (like your son did), but there have been many times that he's stopped after saying something and added, "That didn't come out right, did it?"

When I was a young'n, I had body issues (even though I now know that I had absolutely no reason to). My brothers knew this and took every opportunity to call me a "fatty" because they knew it would hurt me. The thing is though... I don't think they realized HOW MUCH is hurt me and affected my self-esteem. I don't think men can relate to women very well in this regard. Unless a man is sensitive or very overweight himself, he probably doesn't have the same body hang-ups that we do. (They do have other body hang-ups, but usually not to do with weight. For instance, my husband has a tough time dealing with hair loss, even though I've assured him many times that I think it's sexy.) He also doesn't have the media telling him that every ounce of fat needs to go and every wrinkle needs to be treated with creams or surgery.

So, I think men/boys say things sometimes without realizing how much we worry about our bodies, our fat... They just don't get it! For example, our sex life took a dive when I gained weight because I didn't want to put my body on display with all its rolls and bulging areas. Even after deciding that I'd be open and honest with my husband about my weight loss this time around (for added accountability), I still had to spell out to him the reason I didn't want to be on top for afternoon sex. "I have body issues!" I yelled, lol. It was something I thought was so obvious, but he - like my father and grandfather before him (They both are uber critical about weight gain when I visit.) - was oblivious to how much my weight affected me on a day-to-day basis.

Of course, in your case, it's a side effect of LOSING weight! Way to go there! Young men are SO shallow when it comes to any imperfections. My youngest brother is 18, and he acts like any girl who isn't model material is too ugly for him. It makes me wonder if these young men just have really distorted visions of themselves and don't see their own imperfections.

Okay, ramble/rant over! He he.

mamakat
07-16-2011, 10:27 AM
losermom I don't think it matters what brand you buy, they all fade. I bleach and everything and still I am nearly baby blue right now and it's only been 3 weeks. A year after I got married I shaved my head (skin) and then an old friend called me up and asked if I'd be in her wedding. OMG she flipped when I showed up at rehearsals...luckily I had a while to grow it out. It was the only wedding I was ever in...too much stress and restriction :lol: I'm not good with rules. That's why I have a wig on stand by...like when I have parent/teacher conference.

shishkeberry
07-16-2011, 10:33 AM
I used to dye my hair all kinds of colors, too, but I got tired of the bleach. :( i like the wig idea, though. Hmm. I do miss having pink hair.

mamakat
07-16-2011, 10:46 AM
shish I don't mind the bleach or the dry brittle hair as I shave my head every six weeks ( not skin anymore). I love my wig and am planning to buy more. Its soo easy to deal with especially when you have short hair like I do.

katie I sometimes think the same about young boys. I grew up with a very egotistical brother who was a skinny drug abuser and had that shallow eye look. Yet he would strut around like a peacock...he never called me fat, his thing was "you're just healthy". It's funny though growing up I truly believed I'd never get a husband...my mom and grandma stuck that ugly thought in my head. You're fat, can't cook, clean. And I believed it. But now I see we girls take on too much as far as relationships. We think we can't get anyone especially when guys say they'll only date model types. Dating is one thing, marriage a whole 'nother thing.
I tell my daughter (preteen) not to get hung up on that because as I've learned...guys will date anyone and anything. Guys may sound picky but they are just as wanting as we are. That's where us girls have to be sensible. They're looking to have a "good time/sex" we're looking for a relationship. We have to be the picky ones, not them. And I reassured her that even when you're feeling icky, fat or pathetic theres a guy out there...then I gave her some of my examples which made her laugh.


So there! to anyone who says we're not lovable/or marriage material. For a footnote...when I got married I had the same but as I do now although smaller. It's the oddest shaped butt anyone has ever seen. My mom used to say it was deformed :shrug: and said no one will love that butt. When I was dating DH he said he loved my butt because he had a place to put his beer. :lol: even obstacles can't stop us women.......ROAR!

claire0412
07-16-2011, 11:31 AM
Ah we were hideous to my mum when we were growing up, as well as hideous to each other. I think we were nicer to her than to each other, but we still used to pick on the things the other person was insecure about. My brother's standard greeting to me still is (after he hasn't seen me for 6 months) 'Alright fatty, saw your belly before I saw you' or something like that. Families, who'd have them! The best line of defence is to pretend you find it funny (I do now, didn't when I was an angsty 15 year old), otherwise it just encourages them.

sacha
07-16-2011, 02:14 PM
Sorry your feelings were hurt. I think, in 30 years when you are a grandmother and he has put on his own baby weight, you can remind him what he said and by then get a heartfelt apology when he is mature enough to understand :)

I'm glad mine is still too young to talk!