Weight Loss Support - Trying to keep from emotional eating




myfishpajamas
07-13-2011, 02:36 AM
Just so you're aware, a long story/rant is about to commence!

Today started out exciting and ended up being really hard. Despite already having an appointment for tomorrow (well, today, I guess seeing as how it is already 1:22am) to meet a possible dog to adopt, I wandered over to the pets listings on craigslist, just to see if there was anything interesting. Right near the top, there was a posting for an English Bulldog. That is the exact breed I have been looking to rescue since I started looking around six months ago, but they are impossible to find as a rescue (I guess their people love them too much to give them up!) and way too expensive to purchase from a breeder. Besides, I prefer to rescue dogs rather than buying them from breeders. And here was one just calling out to me - 3 years old, neutered, house trained, beautiful in the picture, and 68lbs. Perfect! At my apartment complex, they have to be at least 1 year old and 65lbs or less and, of course, we wanted him to be neutered and house trained. I couldn't believe it - the owner even wanted to give him up for free! The only reason they were giving him up is because they are moving to a complex where they can't have them (no idea why you would decide to move to a place where you can't have pets if you already have pets but maybe they have extenuating circumstances).

So at 6:30pm today, we met him, discussed all the details with the owners, and came home with him. My boyfriend walked him and tried to help him get settled in while I ran to the store for the basics - food, a bed (they had him in just a metal crate with no bed - what the heck!), and a new leash because the one they had wasn't retractable, and you need to be able to control a strong dog like the bulldog. We spent the evening with him, and there were a few hiccups, but we were assuming most of it was because he was just getting used to his new home, surroundings, and people.

Turns out he's a nightmare. Around 10pm, we put him in the kitchen with his crate, the new bed I bought him, food and water. He uses a baby gate - even though he could totally knock it over, he doesn't for whatever reason - and could see us in the living room from where he was. We were just trying to get him to calm down, possibly even go to sleep. But all he did was whine the whole time. So when we finished watching TV, we thought we would just turn out the lights and go to bed to see if he would understand that it was bed time now. Most dogs that I've had understand that concept. But he just whined more and even started barking. We tried putting him the crate, wondering if a smaller space or a familiar space would help him realize it was time for sleep. Louder barking and whining. Finally, as a last resort, we decided to let him come in the bedroom to see if he just was used to sleeping with his people. And that's when all **** broke loose. He started running all over the apartment, jumping on us and humping us several times, even scaring us a little bit. Like he had just gone wild.

So we decided we can't keep him. My boyfriend lost it and had to retreat to the bedroom. I managed to get him under control enough to get back in the kitchen behind the baby gate. Then I emailed the owner and told him I needed him to take him back. I even emailed some rescues just in case the owner would not take him back (definitely don't want to take him to a shelter for obvious reasons). The owner is going to take him back and was even embarrassed by the dog's behavior, saying he never acts like that. Probably because they had him holed up in the garage. We are taking him back at 10am and until then I am sitting here at the dining room table where he can see me, so he will keep his whining to a minimum while my boyfriend and the rest of the complex sleeps.

I have wanted a dog for a really long time, and I am really upset that this has been such a nightmare. I am especially upset of the problems it could cause in my relationship. My boyfriend didn't even really want a dog, and I sort of pressured him into it. He already had a crappy day today, and I just made it worse. I feel horrible about what I've done to him, even what I did to the dog by changing his whole world only to take him back, and about myself and my life that will probably continue to be sans-dog for a good while. So all I want to do is eat. And I know I definitely would be eating if the dog were pinned somewhere else instead of the kitchen. I've even been trying to figure out how I could get to the goods despite this inconvenience.

Emotional eating is my downfall and, boy, am I emotional right now!!!

/rant


alaskanlaughter
07-13-2011, 02:56 AM
:hug::hug: wow soo sorry it didnt work well with the dog tonight...i have dog horror stories as well...read mine and maybe it will keep your mind off of food :)

we always wanted a purebred black lab...well, not me, but DH did...i can successfully raise children, not plants or animals...DH was working for a medical supply company and knew this lady who was trying to move back to her home country and needed a home for her purebred black lab...DH gladly accepted this dog, who we named Sitka, but before we had a chance to visit with the lady about this dog's preferences, challenges etc, she passed away

this dog was sweet, friendly and a holy wild TERROR! she raced through the house uncontrollably all the time, terrorized our cat and barked ALL.THE.TIME when we weren't home....she didnt know how to walk on a leash and dragged me all over the street while i tried to walk her (with a back suffering from ruptured discs)...but the worst part was that she would run out the front door every time it opened and RUN AWAY!...i mean, seriously RUN AWAY...not just around the house or down the street....she could vanish in the blink of an eye and not be found....when we'd open the door, i'd crack it open, block it with my body, shove Sitka away from the door, hold her collar while i set inside groceries, carseat, baby etc, then shut the door EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

after several times being picked up by the pound, we decided to find her a new home....we advertised and chose a nice lady who said she was a dog trainer...the lady took Sitka home and planned to pay us the next day...turns out that next day, the dog jumped the fence and ran away from her too LOL...she was picked up by the animal shelter once again...they wouldnt release the dog to her because she wasnt registered as the owner...we didnt want her back because we'd already given her away...so we let the shelter put her up for adoption and she was taken by a family in a little village where she can run wherever she wants and it's safe to do so there

nomadiclee
07-13-2011, 03:02 AM
Sorry that you're having issues with the dog! I don't know if this is helpful at all or if you've definitely already made up your mind, but I just wanted to comment on putting the dog in the crate at night. I've had three dogs over the years and all of them were put into crates at night to go to bed. All three of them went nuts the first few nights, but after a few nights they realize that barking isn't going to get them let out, so they calm down and accept the situation. My youngest dog (she's about 7 months) is currently snoozing in her crate, and in fact she usually goes in there completely voluntarily whenever her bedtime approaches.

As for the dog being completely nuts...in fairness, the dog is probably a little freaked out about his change in situation. He may very well settle down once he gets to know you and you assert yourself as the person in charge. I would really recommend just giving the dog a bit of time to settle in before making any drastic decisions like getting rid of him.

Anyway, I'm sorry the dog is being so problematic. Whatever you decide to do, good luck!


myfishpajamas
07-13-2011, 03:18 AM
alaskanlaughter Thanks so much for sharing!

nomadiclee Maybe if I lived by myself in a place with few neighbors, I would be willing to try to spend a few more days working with him. But (1) I live with my boyfriend, and he just was freaking out by the end of the night. He can't handle another night like tonight. (2) I live in an apartment complex with many neighbors. Even if he stopped barking after a few nights, I don't think my neighbors would be understanding, and I feel like it is unfair of me to ask them to be.

While trying to get him to go to sleep is the worst of it - he is still not asleep, ladies and gentlemen, and it is 2:14am! - I gave up on him because of the aggressive behavior - the jumping, humping and snapping at us. It is very clear to me at this point that he needs a significant amount of training to become an appropriate inside dog, and I do not have the time or the patience at this time in my life to do that kind of training. When we picked him up, he was living the majority of his time in the garage, but they said they let him inside often in the evenings and that he was housebroken, so I assumed that he would be happy to be inside. After all, bulldogs are supposed to be inside dogs because they are so intolerant of heat. But he is rebelling against it since he is not used to it. And I just don't have the ability to train him.

So, like I said, if it was just me in a more isolated residence, maybe I would consider working with him a bit more but as it is, I just can't. But the owner is going to take him back and look into finding an appropriate rescue. I have never given up a dog before, and all of our dogs have been rescue dogs. While many of them had some issues, as most rescue dogs do, I have never had this kind of experience with a dog.

nomadiclee
07-13-2011, 03:47 AM
Yeah, I definitely understand about the whole neighbors issue. It sounds like my suggestion, like you said, just isn't workable in your living situation and I completely get it. Also, I reread what I wrote and I hope it didn't come across as preachy or trying to act like I somehow know everything there is to know about dogs just because I've had a few--because that wasn't my intention. :)

Glad to hear the owner is going to take him back and deal with the situation! I hope the next dog you get ends up being a much better fit! :hug:

Skittlez
07-13-2011, 04:32 AM
That dog sounds like he needs a lot of help! Hopefully someone will adopt him who has the space/time to train him (and no neighbors to complain lol!). But pretty much any dog from a shelter (I know he wasn't from one but) is going to need some training. You'd be incredibly lucky to find one that's well behaved and trained :-P If your boyfriend doesn't want a dog, you may want to rethink getting one. It's never fair for a pet to not be welcome in a home, you know? Good luck!

myfishpajamas
07-13-2011, 04:53 AM
Yeah, I definitely understand about the whole neighbors issue. It sounds like my suggestion, like you said, just isn't workable in your living situation and I completely get it. Also, I reread what I wrote and I hope it didn't come across as preachy or trying to act like I somehow know everything there is to know about dogs just because I've had a few--because that wasn't my intention. :)

Glad to hear the owner is going to take him back and deal with the situation! I hope the next dog you get ends up being a much better fit! :hug:

No, you didn't sound preachy - I knew where you were coming from! I guess we will probably wait a while before trying to get another dog. As you can see, I am still awake at 3:48am. He just won't lay down and sleep for more than a few minutes.

That dog sounds like he needs a lot of help! Hopefully someone will adopt him who has the space/time to train him (and no neighbors to complain lol!). But pretty much any dog from a shelter (I know he wasn't from one but) is going to need some training. You'd be incredibly lucky to find one that's well behaved and trained :-P If your boyfriend doesn't want a dog, you may want to rethink getting one. It's never fair for a pet to not be welcome in a home, you know? Good luck!

Well, all of our dogs have been from shelters or rescues (by "our" I mean my past family dogs) and none of them have been this misbehaved or ill-trained. The dog I was hoping to bring to this apartment complex never barked, was housebroken, snuggled up to you (opposite of aggressive), and just needed to be left where he couldn't destroy anything - in a pen outside or in a crate - when you were away for the day. But even at night, he wasn't crated and would sleep as long as you slept. However, he was a beagle and my mom had him with her at the time out in the country where you can let your dogs roam free. Well he got a whiff of something he couldn't resist, ran off, and it rained hard soon after, so we think he lost his way. But he was a rescue dog who just struggled ignoring his beagle nose, and that was it. Not sure how to judge if a dog will be like that, like the dog from today or somewhere in between.

It's not that my boyfriend absolutely did not want a dog but more that it was my idea. If he lived alone, he wouldn't have a dog sort of deal. But I feel so awful about how this situation worked out that I am not going to bring it up for a long time. I just feel terrible that I brought this extra, unneeded stress on him.

Esofia
07-13-2011, 05:38 AM
It's not your fault, you did your best and it happens sometimes. I grew up with Yorkies, and we adopted two rescues. The first had soem behavioural problems, but they were livable and gradually went away over time. At this point we had three dogs, and this one was the youngest. When the first died, my mother grieved a bit and then, because it felt odd only having two dogs, she got another rescue, a youngish dog (under a year old, I'd guess). She was a perfectly sweet dog when she was with humans, but no matter what we did, she could not stand the other two dogs and would attack them. We ended up spending a few weeks with the two older dogs upstairs and the new rescue downstairs, then she went to a family where she could be an only child. We hated doing it, but we had no choice, and at least she went to a loving home and was happy there. My mother gave up on rescues at that point, and when both the remaining dogs had both died about fourteen years later, she waited a year and then got a puppy from a breeder. Which I don't approve of, but hey, not my choice. Utterly adorable dog, although she's madly energetic and my parents are getting a bit old for dealing with that sort of thing.

Would it be easier if you didn't limit yourself to a breed? Some rescue organisations are careful to assess the animal thoroughly before rehoming it, so that you should be able to avoid this sort of problem again.

noregrets4me
07-13-2011, 09:46 AM
I rescued a black lab from a shelter once -- what a nightmare it turned out to be.

I grew up with dogs - always had one - never even heard of crating a dog. I would feed the dogs, walk them, give them lots of love - and got lots of love in return. My dogs always had full run of the house, with no problems.

Well, at one point my first husband and I separated for a few months. I was living alone in a new state, and thought I would get a dog - so I went to the local animal shelter and there was a beautiful black lab - about 3 years old, femald and neutered. Great. She was calm as could be. I picked her up on Friday afternoon and we spent Columbus Day Weekend together. (3 day holiday weekend.) She was wonderful - went out walking several times. She was a dream.

Tuesday morning, off to work I went. Remember, I never heard of crating a dog. I patted her on the head and went off to work. Well.....fast forward to 5:00. I pull into my driveway and notice there are no curtains in any of the front windows of the house. I walk in and find every curtain, blind and window shade has been shredded to bits, and curtain rods bent. And the door frames to the front and back doors - scratched, with piles of wood fragments on the floor. My sweet precious Lady did not like being alone!! I have since learned about crating!! :dizzy:

=========

About emotional eating -- I can see why you're bummed out about the dog. Especially since your boyfriend didn't want a dog in the first place. I'm sure you thought this would be a dream dog and your boyfriend would grow to accept him too.

It's a shame things didn't work out - but don't let it get the better of you. Stay focussed on your eating program. No ice cream or binging -- it won't solve the problem - only cause you to feel worse. ;) Hopefully down the road you'll be able to get another dog. In the meantime, give your boyfriend some hugs - at least he tried! :hug:

Mary

myfishpajamas
07-13-2011, 01:20 PM
Would it be easier if you didn't limit yourself to a breed? Some rescue organisations are careful to assess the animal thoroughly before rehoming it, so that you should be able to avoid this sort of problem again.

Well, how the process went was, first, I really wanted an English bulldog. That was six months ago and five months before we could move into this apartment. But I soon found out that it is really hard to find rescue bulldogs, especially in my area for whatever reason. So then I expanded my search to breeds that (a) do well living in apartments and (b) I tended to like and enjoy. I have not only been looking for bulldogs but also basset hounds, corgis, etc. I was actually supposed to meet a different dog today - a golden retriever/German shepherd mix who seemed like the perfect dog. But I just happened to check out craigslist yesterday and discover that my dream dog - or what I perceived my dream dog to be - available. That's when all of this started.

So I am broadening my search a little and learning from some mistakes. Even if this bulldog hadn't been such a nightmare, my germaphobe boyfriend had a serious problem with the drool. So I am eliminating any drool-prone breeds from my search, which, unfortunately, eliminates basset hounds. We also decided we wanted a dog somewhere between 10 and 50 pounds but no more than that, even though we are allowed up to 65 pounds. We just thing a smaller dog will be happiest in our apartment. I've started considering some other apartment friendly breeds like dachshunds (my mom has a miniature one and he is amazing). I am also open to mix breeds, as long as the mixes are also apartment friendly and do not go against the breed restrictions at my complex.

I agree that rescue organizations are probably the best way to go. The only problem with that is that their fees get to be a bit outrageous. Before I learned that not every beagle was like my beagle - quiet - I was going through a beagle rescue where the fee would eventually be $250. I already have to pay $400 just to have a pet in my complex, so I'm trying to get out for as little money as possible on the other costs. Most shelters have fees from $45-$115 (average is $95).