General chatter - Anniversary Dilemma




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ShanIAm
07-12-2011, 01:06 PM
My parents wedding anniversary is coming up next week and normally I would buy them a card and a gift certificate to their favorite resturant. I called my mom on Sunday and she was crying. My parents aren't getting along. It's not just some little spat either --- this is big time bad! To the point where my mom went to the bank to find out how much money she can access from their home equity loan. She's planning her escape but whether or not she goes through with it remains to be seen.

So if you know anything about buying anniversary cards you know Hallmark does not write any that say, "Happy Anniversary. Since this one may be your last, make it memorable! Cheers!".
I wound up picking up a blank card with a bouquet of flowers on the front.

> What do I write inside?

> Do I get them a gift card so they can share a meal together.....with knives present?!?

My father decided there is nothing wrong with watching porn in the middle of the day with my very conservative, virgin-till-she-got-married, mother around. Perhaps I should get him a gift certificate to a massage parlor and wish him a Happy Ending as opposed to a Happy Anniversary?

(sorry for the sarcasm -- I'm just irritated :mad:)


fattymcfatty
07-12-2011, 01:07 PM
No advice but I feel your pain...

DCchick
07-12-2011, 01:21 PM
That's rough. I would just write 'Happy Anniversary, I love you both very much'


Lovely
07-12-2011, 02:38 PM
Ooch. Hmm.

"I love you both very much."

...if your usual is to get them a gift certificate, I'd probably stick with it.

Best of luck to you and your parents!

theCandEs
07-12-2011, 11:48 PM
Hmm. Tough one. :hug: If it helps, my parents have not been getting along very well lately either. I've worried about them for years now.

I guess I would just do what everyone else says and get the gift card. Maybe this will work itself out. You never know.

Good luck!

sheramama
07-12-2011, 11:58 PM
I had this problem with my parents a few yrs ago. I just ignored their anniversary all together. I do wish I would have bought them each a pair of boxing gloves...even the inflatable ones.

indiblue
07-13-2011, 05:41 AM
Maybe a separate card for each of them (anniversary or generic/blank) and say "Thinking of you today, I love you!"

If they are having problems their anniversary could be difficult (esp for your mom). It may mean so much to hear some positive, loving words from their daughter!

Esofia
07-13-2011, 06:12 AM
I'd probably go for a business-as-usual anniversary card, just make sure that the wording is something utterly bland and neutral, so that it's least likely to spark off emotions. I wouldn't use that blank card, save it for something else. I'd get a very boring, bog standard anniversary card with the text already printed on the inside, so that you're not personalising it much. Your father may not know that your mother has told you she's thinking of leaving, and you do not want to stir.

Meanwhile, are you being literal when you talk about your mother planning her escape? Is she frightened? In danger? Is the usual difficulty of taking sides when parents are divorcing going to be particularly bad here?

ShanIAm
07-13-2011, 10:21 AM
I'd probably go for a business-as-usual anniversary card, just make sure that the wording is something utterly bland and neutral, so that it's least likely to spark off emotions. I wouldn't use that blank card, save it for something else. I'd get a very boring, bog standard anniversary card with the text already printed on the inside, so that you're not personalising it much. Your father may not know that your mother has told you she's thinking of leaving, and you do not want to stir.

Meanwhile, are you being literal when you talk about your mother planning her escape? Is she frightened? In danger? Is the usual difficulty of taking sides when parents are divorcing going to be particularly bad here?

That's the problem -- there are no bland anniversary cards. They all mention love and happiness and commitment. *sigh* My sister got them a thinking of you card. Perhaps I'll do the same. And no, my father does not know that my sister or I know anything and you are right, I don't want to stir anything up.

My mother's physical safety is not a concern from what I know. My father is inflicting more emotional abuse onto her which he has been doing for years and years now. He tries to do it with my sister and I too but we don't put up with his manipulating crap. My mother on the other hand cannot financially support herself and she has no family. Her father, mother and brother all died. She feels isolated and stuck. My father methodically took away her backbone over the past 40+ years of marriage. My mother was never ever independant.

As much as I would love to remain neutral, I know I'll wind up taking my mother's side. As difficult as she can be sometimes the things my dad does to her is obnoxious, absurd and degrading. I have seen it happen so it's not a he said/she said situation.

Just a sad situation all around.

EZMONEY
07-13-2011, 10:33 AM
I think the chances are your dad may never see the card...unless he is the one that picks up the mail. Don't worry so much what the card says...who reads them anyway?...wink

Tell them how much you love them...or fake it.....what's the harm.

Prayers it all works out.

darius
07-14-2011, 06:15 PM
As much as I would love to remain neutral, I know I'll wind up taking my mother's side.

Yes by all means take your mother's side. She's in the most vulnerable position and needs the most emotional support.