General chatter - Please Come to Our Wedding? Here's the Credit Card Form!




fattymcfatty
07-11-2011, 09:04 PM
OK...
My husband's little sis and her SO are finally tying the knot. We got an email invite. She wants a destination wedding, it is at an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, Mexico. The date is at the end of May 2012. Attached to the invite is a credit card slip to fax to the travel agent. Cost per person: 750.00, not including airfare (add 450.00 per person). So for my hubby and I to attend it will be around 2500-3000 dollars. My own wedding did not cost this much, and I'm including the honeymoon here. And yes, I was married in 1999, not 1979, so you can have a wedding on a budget.

So, does anyone find this shocking and tacky way to be invited to a wedding?

Also, I plan on conceiving child #2 late this Fall, so I will be preggers, and unable to drink the all-inclusive booze, do any rock climbing, snorkeling (if the hotel has a policy), etc. So this is a huge inconvenience. I don't mind shelling out cash for a trip that I would not be a huge pregnant lady at, but this just depresses me. So DH and I are weighing our options. Maybe fly in, stay at a cheaper resort nearby, and attend the wedding, fly back out the next day. Well, the travel agent informed us that for us to attend the ceremony without staying at the hotel where the wedding is, we'd have to pay a 88-99 dollar entrance fee per person! WTF??? Really?

So, I just want to vent and get sympathy, LOL!! This is the first wedding invite that came with a credit card slip and is asking each guest to shell out 1000-1500 dollars to attend. Why do people want to have their family members stay with them while they honeymoon? I don't understand.

What makes this worse, is that my DH's family is poor. Several are working minimum wage jobs, DH and I are OK, but we are on one income because I no longer teach because I am being a SAHM, which definitely does not yield the income we used to have. My BIL is the only one who makes a really good living, and I think is going to get "stuck" paying for the relatives who don't have the cash. Then, I am afraid if we decline, due to $$, he will insist on paying, and we are not OK with that. Ughh.

What is this world coming to? Am I crazy? :?:


EZMONEY
07-11-2011, 09:12 PM
:yikes:..................................:faint:

theox
07-11-2011, 09:12 PM
So, does anyone find this shocking and tacky way to be invited to a wedding?

Yes. I'm right with you on this. I guess destination weddings are nice if everybody's got the money, time, and health to enjoy them, but it doesn't seem like a lot of people - including your husband's family - do. Being asked to shell out thousands of dollars of your own money just to attend another person's wedding as a guest is a bit ridiculous, IMO.

Could your husband go by himself? Is there anyway you guys can bow out gracefully?


IsabellaOlivia
07-11-2011, 09:17 PM
Your SIL needs a hard slap in the face.

Ursula745
07-11-2011, 09:22 PM
I think it's horribly tacky. A destination wedding is one thing, a credit card form is absolutely insane. I wouldn't go. And I wouldn't be ok if DH went, either. I would decline, and I would not accept help from the other brother. HE is insane if he pays for everyone.

fattymcfatty
07-11-2011, 09:22 PM
Well, she is a sweet person, I've known her forever, I'm glad they are tying the knot, but man, I don't understand why they went this route.

I want to bow out gracefully, and definitely a pregnancy with a travel restriction could be our perfect way out...however, I think my DH really wants to go, just to be able to be there. This just sucks...

fattymcfatty
07-11-2011, 09:24 PM
I would decline, and I would not accept help from the other brother. HE is insane if he pays for everyone.

Um, yeah. He is insane. 2 relatives are living with him, and he can't say no, and he is always being taken advantage of. Sucks.

Beck
07-11-2011, 09:31 PM
:yikes:..................................:faint:

This exactly.

It's her choice to get married at the venue that suits her, but to attach credit card information is the pinacle of tackiness.

I was married overseas in the country we were living at the time (husband's home country), and the only person from my family able to attend due to travel expenses was my mother. Destination weddings are strange to me; both families are expected to travel?! I'd say skip the wedding and put the money towards your own family's needs.

My husband was unable to travel to his sister's wedding after we relocated to the US. We had young children, few vacation days available, and the price to travel was just too steep. Everyone survived his not attending (and the sister ended up divorcing several years later...).

Purrfect
07-11-2011, 09:32 PM
OK...
My husband's little sis and her SO are finally tying the knot. We got an email invite. She wants a destination wedding, it is at an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, Mexico. The date is at the end of May 2012. Attached to the invite is a credit card slip to fax to the travel agent. Cost per person: 750.00, not including airfare (add 450.00 per person). So for my hubby and I to attend it will be around 2500-3000 dollars. My own wedding did not cost this much, and I'm including the honeymoon here. And yes, I was married in 1999, not 1979, so you can have a wedding on a budget.

So, does anyone find this shocking and tacky way to be invited to a wedding?

Also, I plan on conceiving child #2 late this Fall, so I will be preggers, and unable to drink the all-inclusive booze, do any rock climbing, snorkeling (if the hotel has a policy), etc. So this is a huge inconvenience. I don't mind shelling out cash for a trip that I would not be a huge pregnant lady at, but this just depresses me. So DH and I are weighing our options. Maybe fly in, stay at a cheaper resort nearby, and attend the wedding, fly back out the next day. Well, the travel agent informed us that for us to attend the ceremony without staying at the hotel where the wedding is, we'd have to pay a 88-99 dollar entrance fee per person! WTF??? Really?

So, I just want to vent and get sympathy, LOL!! This is the first wedding invite that came with a credit card slip and is asking each guest to shell out 1000-1500 dollars to attend. Why do people want to have their family members stay with them while they honeymoon? I don't understand.

What makes this worse, is that my DH's family is poor. Several are working minimum wage jobs, DH and I are OK, but we are on one income because I no longer teach because I am being a SAHM, which definitely does not yield the income we used to have. My BIL is the only one who makes a really good living, and I think is going to get "stuck" paying for the relatives who don't have the cash. Then, I am afraid if we decline, due to $$, he will insist on paying, and we are not OK with that. Ughh.

What is this world coming to? Am I crazy? :?:

:dizzy: well, everyone is entitled to do their wedding the way they want to. With that said, it is probably understood that destination weddings (unless paid for by the bride and groom) are going to draw a much smaller crowd. I would be very honest with them, and explain that while you would love to be there and blah, blah, blah...there is a limitation to your budget. No one can "assume" you have the money to do anything in particular. Everyone has a different comfort zone.

Will there be a local reception afterwards? Perhaps volunteer to help them organize one, and let that be a part or all of your wedding gift to them. There will likely be alot of folks that can't afford the time or money to go to Mexico, but would like to celebrate with the couple.

We get so caught up in showing our love and caring with material things and with money. What is really meaningful here? What can you contribute or do that signifies real meaning, not financial sacrafice? The entire event is to enjoy and celebrate the union of these two people who found themselves in the midst of this crazy world.

By the way, hasn't anyone paid attention to the violence in MExico?? Why would they want to chance something there...it is spilling into resorts, too. I know a group of people who were robbed in the cab ride from the airport to the hotel...set up...ugly stuff.

Lovely
07-11-2011, 09:59 PM
Wow... you're going to have to weigh your options carefully, but if you and the husband decide you won't be able to go the sis-in-law will absolutely have to understand why.

Destination weddings sound lovely, but the reality is that not everyone is able to attend due to timing or financial reasons. Brides and grooms have to accept that fact.

EZMONEY
07-11-2011, 10:14 PM
We have gotten out of line here from birthday parties to engagements to baby showers to weddings...

everyone trying to one up the other....or....not look too "cheap".....

if you can afford and want a fancy wedding that is expensive then fine..,


but to "expect" others to join in at their cost is absurd!

Expunge
07-11-2011, 10:24 PM
That is an unreasonably massive amount of money. I would be extremely upset if a family member expected me to shell out that kind of money. As long as she's not offended when you decline, it's just tacky - but if she's offended by you guys not being able to come, that's just insane!

sheramama
07-11-2011, 10:26 PM
Honestly, I wouldn't go. I would break it to them gently and see if they can have it live-streamed. I had a friend who had a beautiful wedding in Vegas and several of us had sall children who couldnt go. They set up a website and someone put it on as it was happening. We were still able to watch at least.

I always wanted a destination wedding. We just want to elope somewhere exotic and came back and throw a party for everyone to attend.

TooManyDimples
07-11-2011, 10:42 PM
Yeah, I wouldn't go, especially since it's in Mexico. That's scary stuff and you don't want to chance something happening with a baby on the way. They probably think by sending it out this early it will give people a chance to save for it. =P Good suggestions here on how to deal with the situation.

Purrfect
07-11-2011, 11:02 PM
Let us know what you decide to do! Good luck!

tdiprincess
07-11-2011, 11:14 PM
I wouldn't go IMO. An email invite??? HA! with a credit slip attached! Another big HA HA.
Glad it's not my family! WOW!! That is quite shameful. It's fine if ya wanna go to Cancun for a honeymoon, but doing your ceremony there and expecting normal people to shell out the money for it! Wouldn't happen..

Do let us know though, I'm sure it'll be interesting! I am very sorry you have to deal with this. It's pretty shameful and pathetic on their part.

Scarlett
07-11-2011, 11:32 PM
I think it's tacky to throw a destination wedding like that when most of the family is not well off.

If this was her dream wedding she should have made it clear that this was what she wanted, she understands if you can't come, and in general be almost apologetic about it. Leave people a way out if they can't afford it.

Also, I recently went to Cancun. It was nice, but if you're not a college student, there isn't much to do there besides the beach and a day at Market 28. You get nickel and dimed like CRAZY every time you try to do something (all inclusive resorts EXPECT tips). IMO a cheaper and more adult oriented area of Mexico such as Rivera Maya would have been a better choice for a wedding.

I like the idea of being involved in a hometown party and the webcam idea. Also this is the risk you run when you plan a destination wedding. It's understood that fewer people will attend. I think asking guests to cough up 3 grand is a bit much. You're well within your rights to politely decline. I wouldn't go.

How do other family members feel about this?

Sunshine87
07-11-2011, 11:44 PM
Why can't she get married in Florida or California where it would be <1000 dollars for you? It really puts family in an uncomfortable position when couples do this because everyone feels obligated but most people do not have the money or do not want to spend their vacation money on a wedding.
I would be pi**ed!

effie12
07-12-2011, 12:02 AM
Honestly, I feel like when they are not handled with tact, destination weddings are tacky. While I can understand a bride's desire to have 'her' dream wedding, it is not appropriate to inflict massive costs on her friends and family just because it would make her day more special. If she feels that the only way for her to have a wonderful wedding is to have it in Mexico, so be it, but you shouldn't at all feel as though you have an obligation to go.

It is an awkward and sticky situation to get out of, but I think that you should be as honest as feels comfortable with them. By no means should your BIL have to pay for you and your husband, and if he offers you should certainly tell them down. I think that expressing how much you would like to share in their special day, while also being stern about the fact that you are not in the financial position to do it, will hopefully lessen the blow. Frankly, she may be pissed at you, but that is not your fault at all. If she had wanted such an extravagant wedding, she should have thought it through and discussed it with the people she wanted to be there. As a somewhat puny offer, perhaps suggest that someone could skype the wedding to you? That way you could watch the ceremony as it was happening and they could see you. Another option would simply be to ask the newlyweds over to watch their wedding video together when they come back.

I hope that this all works out for you!!

fattymcfatty
07-12-2011, 12:05 AM
Thanks for the support guys...
I agree that they feel the early notice should give everyone sufficient time to "save up" but the thing is, I don't know if I want to save up for this. Talked with DH, he agrees with me. We don't know how the other family members feel about it, because we just got the invite and haven't had a chance to ask everyone else in the family as of yet.

I like the idea of it being filmed. I was married in a chapel in Nevada which my parents chipped in a grand and my DH and I paid for the rest, no help from his family, (like I said, they are not well off) and his sister (not the one in question, BTW) was not able to make it. His family was ticked that we got married in Reno, (a two hour car trip) and they were very "inconvenienced" by having to drive, which I think is a lot better than shelling out 3 grand, but what do I know? We had a video done of the ceremony, and my DH's sister watched it later, since she wasn't able to attend.

I will keep you all posted on what transpires. I am still in shock, I think.

berryblondeboys
07-12-2011, 12:06 AM
Do you need to respond "now". As a woman who didn't have primary infertility, but did experience secondary infertility, I am always leary of statements of "I probably will be pregnant". You may be. You may not be. WOuld you go if you were not pregnant yet? DOes that change the financial equation? And yes, sometimes brides and grooms are COUNTING you not being able to come. They give, lets say, 50 invites but know in their head only 20 will accept to go and this was their plan in the first place. It's a way to weed people out without the actual "you didn't invite me" thing going on. Now, is it tacky. Yes, I think it is, but it's done.

So, my suggestion is to not say if you are going yet or not. it's easy enough to say, "we don't know what will be in a year's time. We'll decide closer to the date". That way no hemming and hawing or putting your husband's brother in a weird situation of feeling the need to pay for you. (And do not allow that - period).

If you get pregnant, super easy to say, "sorry, not advised to go while pregnant for all the reasons you stated above." Now, what I 'don't' get is why you are not OK with your spouse going without you if you can't go. That part doesn't make sense to me. It's his brother and if he wants to be there for him and you can't afford all of you to go or if you are pregnant, doesn't mean he shouldn't go. (unless you are ready to give birth).

indiblue
07-12-2011, 12:12 AM
I am planning my wedding right now. We are having to weigh travel times for family, costs of the hotels, and timing of the year for family with school-aged children. We want to make it as easy and affordable as possible for families to join us on our day, but at the same time being the couple whose wedding it is, and who are paying for the ENTIRE event, we also want to do it the way we want to do it.

So I understand if your SIL and her fiance want to do it their way. But she should (and hopefully does) equally understand if "their way" means very few people can come. I think it's completely find for you both to not attend, or for only your DH to attend. As long as the couple are completely understanding of this ("Yeah we know it's a lot to ask of folks and that many people won't be able to make it, so we just would love your blessing and we'll certainly be thinking of you that day!") then I think it's fine.

fattymcfatty
07-12-2011, 12:18 AM
Hey berryblonde...
I am fertile Myrtle, and DH is ready Freddy. LOL!!! He looks at me and I am pregnant! But the second time could prove harder, I am older, and last year lost a fallopian from an ectopic. I still have the one, though, and I guess it is functioning A-OK. I'm super regular in that department, only change I've had is my cycles are closer together than before now that I've lost weight.

Yeah, I think if I wasn't pregnant, we'd go. It would be a hardship, but a chance for a really cool vacation. I wish we had more time. This place needs 200.00 apiece by 8/29, then another payment in Oct, one in Dec, then the balance paid in February. We can pay more and get travel insurance, which is what we'd have to do, I mean, what if I got preggers with twins and was put on bedrest? That is another reason DH and I are upset about this, we thought we'd get more time to decide than a month and a half.

berryblondeboys
07-12-2011, 12:40 AM
Hey berryblonde...
I am fertile Myrtle, and DH is ready Freddy. LOL!!! He looks at me and I am pregnant! But the second time could prove harder, I am older, and last year lost a fallopian from an ectopic. I still have the one, though, and I guess it is functioning A-OK. I'm super regular in that department, only change I've had is my cycles are closer together than before now that I've lost weight.

Yeah, I think if I wasn't pregnant, we'd go. It would be a hardship, but a chance for a really cool vacation. I wish we had more time. This place needs 200.00 apiece by 8/29, then another payment in Oct, one in Dec, then the balance paid in February. We can pay more and get travel insurance, which is what we'd have to do, I mean, what if I got preggers with twins and was put on bedrest? That is another reason DH and I are upset about this, we thought we'd get more time to decide than a month and a half.


Of course, I wish you all the best and hope you get pregnant exactly when you want to get pregnant, but.... I got pregnant first try with first baby. Got pregnant a second time (when I was quite a bit older) but then had a miscarriage. And then nothing for 2.5 years. Part of it was bad timing. Part of it was my husband got sick several times - like REALLLLLY sick (high temps kill spermies for like THREE MONTHS), and I think the miscarriage messed up my hormones for awhile as I went from being 28 days on the dot every month, to 26 days, 23 days, 30 days... It finally sorted itself out and then I got pregnant for real.

Basically, it's something we can't ever really know.

But, man... having to decide that early? That is stinky! I guess I would say, "we're a 'no' unless we can decide closer to the date." You don't need to explain why.

Eruanna
07-12-2011, 05:42 AM
Wow! If you don't go I'm sure you won't be the only one. If I was spending that much on a trip I'd rather have a trip of my choosing rather than a wedding

saef
07-12-2011, 06:44 AM
Put on blinders for a moment & put aside all judgment. Make the decision for you & your husband, doing what is right for you both, financially & gestationally and never mind what other family members are doing & whether this is a burden to them.

As for the bride, if enough "no" replies come her way, she will understand that there is a tradeoff for this wedding: Dream location or physical presence of family. She may be able to have one or the other but not both.

Maybe her family is not a big priority with her. I understand that. I've got an aunt & a cousin or two that I could do without seeing at any time of the year, let alone on a supposedly "special" day when everything is supposed to go exactly my way.*


*Actually, there is no day like that, ever, and any bride that thinks there is has lost touch with reality.

ERHR
07-12-2011, 11:58 AM
It looks like I'm in the minority here but I don't see anything wrong with how your SIL let you know about the destination wedding. That sounds helpful, not tacky. And so what if she wants to have a destination wedding? I don't think that a couple getting married is obligated to tone down what they want to do so that more family can attend. Yes, it's nice when they do that, but they don't have to. Just do what is best for your family. If it's too much money, or you are very confident that you'll be pregnant, or you don't want to go to Mexico, or whatever - just say no! It's as simple as that. They extended an invitation but you want to decline. That's perfectly acceptable. If enough people decline by August maybe the couple will rethink the wedding or consider a second reception or something - there's plenty of time to plan another event if they are really surprised by how many people can't come to the destination wedding.

MiZTaCCen
07-12-2011, 01:11 PM
My sister got married in vegas and it was one of those things, if you can afford to come great if not we understand. Would she at least be understanding if you guys didn't come? If not then I think she's unreasonable, (especially since you are on baby number 2) but I do see why she choose the route to get married is because it's her wedding day, why should people not get married where they've always wanted to get married just because people can't afford it? I don't think she's being tacky in doing something SHE wants to do instead of something because society approves of it another way.

fattymcfatty
07-12-2011, 01:24 PM
Well, an update:
DH spoke with her last night, talked with her about our situation, and she totally understands. Turns out, if they get 10 rooms booked through this, they are going to get a discount and some extras. We didn't get why it was so much, when we went to the resort website and could stay with airfare for $1000.00 less...supposedly, we will get a $750.00 resort credit, where we could use massage service, upgrades, etc.

SIL understands the pregnancy possibility for that time, and she told us she thinks we should do whatever works for us, and that she understands if we can't make it, so she is being understanding.

It sucks because we are close, we both really want to see her get married. But spending money on this provides a challenge...we have it, but I would rather slip off to Cancun when I'm not pregnant. SIL did not know if we flew in for the day we had to pay for "tickets".

I agree that people can have whatever wedding they want. I did as well. My DH's extended family is huge, we didn't have the money to put on a big party, and we wanted something small, so we picked a chapel that didn't allow more than 40 guests.

I think she is OK with people not being able to make it, and I think she wants it small for this reason. I just hate it because I feel obligated to go. However, I think we are going to say no for now, but try and work something out where we can go for three days, stay somewhere more economical, etc.

My DH does have a bonus coming in September that would be anywhere from 600-2000 dollars depending on how well these next two months go, so maybe if he gets the big amount, we might go.

So yeah, I guess we are still up in the air and this is "to be continued"...

Bellamack
07-12-2011, 01:44 PM
The destination should be their Honeymoon. Holy Tacky! I would not attend (even though I have the money) I would say "we will catch up with you when you get home and celebrate your good news" and just leave it at that.

mzKiki
07-12-2011, 01:59 PM
Sounds like a difficult situation. I have 1 friend who was married in Jamaica and only their parents and the brides best friend attended. I believe that when people plan a destination wedding they know lots of people simply cant afford to come.
My advice call her explain the problem, help her make her arrangements with the dress (if you're that close) and buy them a nice gift.
I wouldn't go broke for someone else's wedding.
I got married in 2007 and it cost about what it'll cost you to attend hers (civil ceremony and a lovely reception at a banquet hall). No way would I go.

Lori Bell
07-12-2011, 03:22 PM
I'm now at the age that all my friends and siblings have gotten married, (some more than others..lol) and we are now entering the marriages of the next generation. I have known several couples get married in unusual locations. But those weddings we didn't attend. Talking with these people years later, they all have something in commen. They really didn't want people to come. They wanted a private ceremony but only invited people because they felt obligated. They got married in these far away places because they knew not many people would come.

As a joke I think EVERYONE should RSVP today, (without any payment...just an e-mail) to the wedding and say they are going..lol I bet they freak out a little. LOL

sacha
07-13-2011, 09:51 AM
I personally cannot understand wanting a wedding that your family probably couldn't afford to attend. To me, that's really a shame. Their choice I suppose.

My best friend had a similar wedding in Mexico (without the credit card form! but the price was the same), and while he was sad we could not afford to make it, he was very respectful about it and understood. His family could afford to attend so as long as they were there, that's all that really mattered.

sacha
07-13-2011, 09:53 AM
Of course, I wish you all the best and hope you get pregnant exactly when you want to get pregnant, but.... I got pregnant first try with first baby. Got pregnant a second time (when I was quite a bit older) but then had a miscarriage. And then nothing for 2.5 years. Part of it was bad timing. Part of it was my husband got sick several times - like REALLLLLY sick (high temps kill spermies for like THREE MONTHS), and I think the miscarriage messed up my hormones for awhile as I went from being 28 days on the dot every month, to 26 days, 23 days, 30 days... It finally sorted itself out and then I got pregnant for real.

Basically, it's something we can't ever really know.

But, man... having to decide that early? That is stinky! I guess I would say, "we're a 'no' unless we can decide closer to the date." You don't need to explain why.

I would agree not to put life or events on hold for baby #2. Baby #1 happened within a month for me, baby #2 is now a year in waiting and still no sign anytime soon. I'm 26, 100% in great health, and had a problem-free pregnancy with no history of MC.

Good luck with your decision :)

djs06
07-13-2011, 11:41 AM
Well, I sure hope they don't have a wedding registry or expect gifts! :lol:

It sounds like she is being very understanding- as she should be. Weddings are expensive to attend as family moves away, etc (I ended up spending well over $1000 just to Philadelphia from Michigan! How'd that happen?!) - but that is REALLY expensive. Could it be her way of limiting the size of the wedding?

JOLINA
07-13-2011, 01:12 PM
I think its rude to expect people to spend thousands of dollars and tie up days of their time just for a cheap fairytale wedding. These two don't care a whit about inconveniencing anyone.

They obviously are more interested in "getting a good deal" for themselves in the form of kickbacks from the hotel.

This kind of money-grubbing is a big turnoff for me. They are just a couple of small time cons.

There is no reason why they can't have a wedding close to their guests and then honeymooning in Mexico. But then they are stuck with most of the bills.
The kickbacks they are getting from the hotel will pay most of their bills.

Do you really want to get involved in a sham like this? They are looking for the cheapest way out ... at your expense and time.

And the hotel wants to fine you another $99 entrance fee? You're getting raked over the coals by them ... and the hotel!

What a disgusting situation the two of them created. I definitely would not go. And I would not wish them well either.
:(

nomadiclee
07-13-2011, 01:32 PM
I agree with what everyone else is saying. This couple has turned what should be a happy occasion into a massive imposition that is nothing but a headache for everyone else involved. I don't think you are obligated to attend something that would make such a negative impact on your bank account

NiteOwlMommy
07-14-2011, 06:12 AM
Well the good thing is she is understanding of your situation and hasn't tried to make you feel bad for your decision. As for the evite with the credit card slip attached? I do find the addition of the credit card slip very tacky. If the invite would have included the information of the location and the info of the travel agent with instruction to mention the wedding then that would have been different IMO. Personally I would have loved to have a destination wedding BUT we could only afford a very small civil ceremony at a library and while some thought it tacky I just answered "if you didn't like it then arrange with your money a wedding you will be happy to attend and I will get married again just for you!" that kept people from badgering me about my tiny wedding LOL

I wish you luck in which ever decision you make and on making a baby :D

nelie
07-14-2011, 08:27 AM
I agree that they probably want a small wedding. My family is on the west coast, my husbands family is on the east. Our family weddings tend to have hundreds of people. So we had a wedding on the east coast which cut down the number of people who could attend.

xxkaleidoscopic
07-14-2011, 08:54 AM
Eh, I dunno. I guess, to each his own. It sounds like she was understanding about it, so that's the most important thing. I think email invites are a little tacky, but that's a whole 'nother story.

My boyfriend's sister is doing something similar, but a little more reasonable. She's getting married in Chicago (where her parents met and were wed), even though the groom's and bride's families live in California, Pennsylvania, and DC. The bachelor party is in Vegas, and the bachelorette party in California. Of course, there are many excessive things about this wedding, destination aside, but again... another story entirely. =P

To me, this more or less constitutes eloping, in the sense that they probably recognize that they will most likely be married without most of their family and friends. I think it's a shame if their parents wanted to see them wed, and now have to shell out a huge expense for that.

Heather
07-14-2011, 09:00 AM
We had a destination wedding, and got married in New Orleans. We absolutely wanted it small, so we only invited 8 people: my parents, his parents, and each of our siblings and their SOs.

I'm sure many people in both of our families were pissed off about the choices we made. I know some were in my family, because my mom and I talked about it. Having a bigger wedding would have also pissed people off because my family was in Mass and his in Kentucky and both had grandparents who couldn't travel. This way, we pissed off both families equally because none of them were even invited.

caramelkitty
07-14-2011, 09:36 AM
My fiancÚ and I are planning our wedding and we have two options.
1) we do it here, the usual way and everyone gives money for gifts I think?
2) we do a destination wedding.

The thing that we thought of is that if we do a wedding here it would probably cost us $20000-30000 so at that price, if we want to do a destination wedding, we take the people closest to us and pay for their trip to go to our wedding.

There's no way I'd make my family pay over $1000 to come to MY wedding. That's just not fair, I'd pay for them to come and whatever $$ they give me as a gift, well that's just a bonus! :)

What does your DH think of this wedding?

kaplods
07-14-2011, 01:35 PM
My husband and I had discussed having a small destination wedding, but we succumbed to family pressure and had the traditional wedding our families wanted (we did do many things our way, but we abandoned our plans to keep peace in the family).

My husband was all for eloping - but both our families would have been upset (just the hint that we might do so, caused an uproar).

We thought of a destination wedding, but had to decide whether to invite people we knew couldn't attend. Some friends and relatives said we would have to invite "everyone" (or at least them) and others said we could only invite those we knew could attend, and some said we couldn't have a destination wedding because they couldn't attend (before we had even invited that particular friend or family member).

We settled on the wedding that would least offend our friends and family.

On one hand, I'm happy with our choice, and on the other it would have been nice to have the wedding we wanted, and not the wedding everyone else expected, especially since it still didn't please everyone (No alcohol? No dancing? That's not a wedding).

If I knew that there was no pleasing everyone, I would have been even more tempted to tick off everyone and have gone ahead with our destination wedding.