Weight Loss Support - I've picked food over living.




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Sumuya
07-09-2011, 06:59 PM
Food obsession is literally destroying my life. For the past 20 years food has been my friend, husband, comfort ,pleasure, just about everything. The one thing I have put the most effort in my life has been eating above anything else. I have been advised countless times by my family especially by my mother who is desperate for me to have family and make something out of my life.

She is always saying to me, if you donít do something about yourself now, you will deeply regret it later in life. There are people who are overweight and still get on with their lives; Iím not that sort of person. I hide myself in my house from living, due to my weight, I have been doing that for many years.
If you read the introduction post Iíve posed it will tell you a lot about me. Iím still in the same situation except now I weight even more I ever did. See after that post I lost over 60 pounds by working extremely hard and exercising for the first time in my life.
Instead of carrying on, what do I do? I stopped everything and gained all the weight back, plus another 50 pounds in the space of 1 year. I Ďm 31 years old, But I feel like I have the intelligence of a child. I hide food, donít hold myself to account and I rely on motivation to do anything.
Iím scared for my health, Iím always tired, easily of breath, canít keep up with people. I weight 283 pounds and that number is going up every day.

I need help .

Sumuya.


sacha
07-09-2011, 07:01 PM
Sumuya,

You are not alone here. Many people here have chosen food over living. Replace the word "food" with alcohol or narcotics and re-read your post. Sounds familiar. Perhaps starting with Overeaters Anonymous may help you. Good luck :)

Porthardygurl
07-09-2011, 07:06 PM
I hear you. I was the same way.. I hid in my house..and i balooned out to 296...and i realized that i have to do something so i am..and ive lost 10 pouonds so hard..it hasnt been easy..but when you ready...take that step..and do it..i know you might be saying "well..how come everyone says when im ready.." but its the truth..you think you will never ready..but you will be..and you will start..and your life will change..and not just your weight..but how you see life and how you see things..


rubyred7
07-09-2011, 07:08 PM
Sumya,
You do not have the intelligence of a child because a child would not recognize that they need help or need to do something about their weight. I don't know who the quote is by but there is one that I have always stuck by "failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." Only you have the power to change your weight.

This is the God's honest truth that I was just thinking about hiding behind weight and using food as a comforter on my way to work this afternoon. Food is fuel, that's it. It can't bring you love, joy, or peace. I don't know what you religion is if you have one, and please no one flag this as offense if this is not the way you believe. But I know that God and the saving knowledge of his son Jesus is the only thing that can give you true peace. So I would encourage you to pick up a Bible or look it up online and what God says about you. He loves you just as you are and knows exactly all the pain, shame, anger and hurt you are going through and if you call on him I know that he will reach out to you and change your life forever. I'm not trying to convert you to anything, I just can say I know what works for me, and God always works. Even if you don't know where to start, simply just say God I need your help, and the Holy Spirit will tell you the rest.

Again please no one flag this as offense I'm just trying to help here.

Sumuya
07-09-2011, 07:21 PM
Thanks for the posts everyone. Porthardygurl – I sleep every night thinking tomorrow I will start but that day never comes.

Rubyred7- that is a great quote, I’m not offended at all, I’m Muslim, I believe in god and I pray as much possible. But as wells as the prayer, action is needed from me.

rubyred7
07-09-2011, 07:33 PM
Sumuya,
Just remember that you have the power to change your weight--and the way you think about it. The battle that we all go through is not with our bodies, but it's in our minds, if we can take captive the thoughts that are hindering us from being the person that we want to be then the weight will come of quicker. I know, I've been dealing with this issue all my life, at least since I can remember, and I know that it's hard, you shouldn't hide yourself. And something that I have realized as of late is that people aren't talking about you as much as you think they are. I always feel like when I am out in public that people are thinking, oh there's a fat girl, when in fact most of them are probably thinking about what they have to make for dinner, or soccer practice, or the fight they had with their spouse. And if someone does make a comment, then that just means that they have issues in their life that they only can get their yaya's from making other's feel bad.

Find a hobby other than eating that makes you happy, for me mine is writing, it's theraputic and productive. Your's could be knitting or reading, or everytime you feel you need to emotionally eat--there is a difference than eating because your body needs some energy-climb the stairs at your house if you have them or job in place for 30seconds. And also do things that make you happy other than food. Bubble baths, movies, buying purses or shoes, or start volunteering your time a shelter or helping at an animal hospital. But remember that you are worth it, you are beautiful, and you matter. Peace Love and Hugs to you!

Sumuya
07-09-2011, 07:40 PM
That is lovely advice, thank you. You are absolutely about it being about the mind. Somehow my mind comes up with million of things to divert me from my goal. Procrastinating has always been my biggest problem. There is always tomorrow. It's time wasting.

rubyred7
07-09-2011, 07:51 PM
I am the biggest procrastinator of them all, I know that. Another quote I love is "Tomorrow never comes, for it is always today" you only have this moment right now to make the most of. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to us, we can't change yesterday, we only have now. Live it to the fullest.

Sumuya
07-09-2011, 08:02 PM
So true. I make note of this quote.

tricon7
07-09-2011, 08:44 PM
Sumuya, I used to sometimes think to myself You have so far to go, it's hopeless. Yet I was reminded of a proverb that said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I realized this was true, and that a single step forward would get me going. The first step is the one that starts you on your weight-loss journey, and it's the most important one. Admitting the need to do something is a big step in itself.

luckymommy
07-09-2011, 09:09 PM
Sumuya, I'm so glad you found this wonderful site. I have had many times in my life when I have felt so out of control and I didn't know what to do. I just couldn't get my act together. I couldn't make it through one single day without binge eating. I didn't see any end in sight. Then something occurred to me.... what if I could just focus on one single day? That wouldn't be so bad right? Anything that I would want to eat on that day, I would promise myself that I could have it the next day. I would take it minute by minute and hour by hour. I would visualize myself waking up the next morning after having succeeded and that kept me going. Once I was able to make it through one day.....I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could make it through another. I treated every day like it was brand new and the only difference was my increased confidence. I am telling you all of this because I hope you can try to do it too. Don't put it off anymore. Start tomorrow. Commit. Keep coming here to this site and ask for help and information. Read about all of the success stories. Find what works for you. Don't try to do too much too soon. That's too hard! Make small changes every week until you suddenly wake up one day and realize that this is actually making you feel better. You are in control of food and not the other way around.

I don't have any impression of you as being child like in intelligence. But, we all have an inner child that can take over. It's time for the mature Sumuya to take control. You can beat this....one day at a time. :hug:

p.s. my best friend is Muslim and she's like a sister to me :)

bargoo
07-09-2011, 09:37 PM
You can do it, you have already proved that. Do not be upset about regaining your weight, many of us have done that. I have done it. You can start right now, you have made a good start by coming here. Good luck.

astrophe
07-09-2011, 09:44 PM
I'm 35, and I weigh near what you weigh, but I feel pretty peppy. Took the kid bowling, went out and about today.

What is it you eat? I remember in the late 90's yrs ago I felt that way. I even weighed less than I do now, but I felt TERRIBLE. I ate all sorts of poor nutrition things though. Fast food, packaged food, etc.

If you are not ready to deal with exercise, or cutting down calories -- what about simply better nutrition food when you get groceries? A multivitamin?
Baby steps to improve physical health.

Are you part of anything? Hobby groups? A class? Church? Garden club? Volunteer at the pet shelter? Whatever it is that interests you? That may help your mental health/emotional health.

Hang in there!

A.

TooManyDimples
07-09-2011, 09:45 PM
Good advice so far. I just thought I'd add one of my favorite quotes that I steal from a friend here on 3FC sometimes.

"Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining your weight is hard. Pick your hard."

I can tell you feel like you're in a dark place right now. So many of us have been there, done that. Spend some time on this board and you might just find some real inspiration and motivation to help you make the change you need. I know I did. =} Best of luck to you.

dZsmalls
07-09-2011, 09:47 PM
I believe the key to getting over this relationship with food is to start viewing food more as a fuel and less as a pleasurable activity or a primary source of enjoyment. Sometimes when you are really heavy and down on it, it seems like the food is one of the only things you really have. But really, when you look at the full picture, food provides comfort but takes away so much from other areas. It's simply not worth it.

One of the things I've noticed now that I'm further in the process is that food isn't really as great as I thought it was. It's definitely still enjoyable, but it's not a lifeline. It's just fuel.

The one thing that really helped me make this jump was exercise and food logging. Seeing what it really takes to burn 100 calories or 400 calories will make you more conscious of what you are doing, and logging food helps you realize what you need to change to get to a proper intake. Good luck, it's not easy, but if you really want to lose weight, there's not much that can prevent you from reaching your goals

dragonwoman64
07-09-2011, 09:48 PM
for me, I can say it's been a tough experience getting a better handle on food, eating, body image and my weight after having been through some extremes -- binge eating, getting to a very large size so that I had trouble walking. It's been a process of making peace with problems and fears, with bad habits, wrong beliefs, misinformation, not knowing myself. It's an ongoing thing, really.

time moves forward no matter what we do or don't do. maybe one thing you can think about is working on other areas of your life to make facing changing the physical health aspects of it easier. rally the support you might need, with family and friends and whatever else you need. Plus, it sounds like you may be super focusing on the weight as a way not to have to face other fears (I offer that because I'm sure I do it).

I've felt for a long time that exercise is a great way to change your body, ease your mind and put you in a positive frame to keep taking the next steps. you don't need money or a gym membership. though I like going to the gym.

you may have to push yourself to start out, I always do, but you'll gain momentum. good luck!

berryblondeboys
07-09-2011, 09:53 PM
I have battled weight most of my life - from teen years onward. My weight just steadily climbed. When I got to 235, I decided to fix everything. I was doing great - lost 50 pounds and felt great... but then it all fell apart and in less than a year I gained it all back and slowly added 40 more in teh next couple years. I got up to 275.

So many things were contributing to my weight gain, and after awhile, it's a never ending spiral - you get heavier, so you feel more lethargic which makes it hard to move. Your sleep gets worse, so you make poorer food choices and so on.

I lost 10 pounds when we moved due to moving more... then I got pregnant. I always lose when pregnant and post pregnancy I was 40 pounds lighter, but with lack of sleep and post partum depression (I think caused by so little sleep), I gained it all back (save for the 10 pounds I had lost).

two years ago I lost ten pounds again with moving more (as we were moving again to a new house) and over a year I didn't gain it back. That was beginning to give me hope - twice I has lost 10 pounds and kept it off. What had changed?

Well, I had better eating habits for one... but I was still miserable and felt horrible. I was 40 years old. I had a husband, a 14 year old and a 5 year old. I was just hoping I would live long enough to see my younger son grown. I didn't expect to live longer and quite honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to. I wasn't suicidal, I just knew I felt so unhealthy and miserable.

Then I finally went to the doctor with terrible headaches that had lasted day and night for three months. Facing the doctor and what he had to say was my biggest fear. I would have to face what I knew - I was falling apart and couldn't be in denial any longer.

My former healthy self was gone - my blood pressure was 230/130. My blood sugar was out of control diabetes numbers, my cholesterol was high and my thyroid was super slow.

I started the thyroid meds and the bp meds and the headaches went away within 3 days after 3 months of nonstop pain. I felt alive. I hadn't slept well in years, all of a sudden I slept through the night and guess what, I started to feel more alive!

7 months later (that's all it's been since that doctor's appt) and I'm down almost 60 pounds, my blood pressure is perfect without medication now, I am controlling blood sugar with diet along, my cholesterol is normal and thank goodness I didn't damage my eyes, my kidneys or my heart. I had stopped the cycle in time.

Am I afraid I'll gain it back? Well, part of me always will be I suppose, but I also feel I don't really have a choice - it's treat myself well or live off meds and die miserably.

I went from wanting a short life to hoping I live to be old. I feel strong. I feel worthy. I feel alive. If you told me that was even possible 7 months ago, I would have said you were lying.

But mostly I don't fear about gaining back. I have faced a lot of demons since my first weight loss. Food is no longer for comfort. I no longer hide food.

I think also another big thing in feeling hopeful is that I've eliminated simple carbs. They were killing me. I feel so much better and don't have the cravings now that they are gone. And Good riddance! Life is way better than a piece of cake!

DCHound
07-09-2011, 10:11 PM
I did the same thing, except I was 39 years old and 370 lbs. Now I'm 42 and my size 16s are falling off - I'm virtually a 14 on my way to size 8. I tossed out my scale so I don't know what I weigh.

It's never too late and you CAN do it. If you need counseling to help, get it. Food does NOT have to rule your life. I read a wonderful book called Think Yourself Thin (it's not a diet) and it really helped me - you can order it off A M A Z O N for about $3. It might help you a lot.

Hugs! You can do it!!!! :)

ShanIAm
07-10-2011, 03:17 AM
Please, oh god PLEASE.... do not do what I did and wait until your late 30's to do something about your health! Most of my 30's were spent binging in my bedroom watching soap operas, making up excuses not to go out with the few friends that I had and being miserable each and every time I did go out with friends. I even made excuses not to see my family over important holiday's because I didn't want to be seen by the world.

Now that I am back to a weight I haven't seen in almost 20 years, I can kick myself everyday for what I missed out on. Cute & age appropriate clothes, relationships, FUN,...... My life was all about food and the comfort it gave me. Just like you.

And when they say nothing tastes as good as thin feels.... well.... it's absolutely true! I am going to go back and read your posts but honestly, it's not what you wrote in the past that matters. It's the here and now. You can do this. PLEASE do this.... for you. I know you can find it within yourself to get motivated and healthy!!

I am so glad you are back and I look forward to reading up on your progress!

Hugs to you sweetie. :)

Esofia
07-10-2011, 05:25 AM
Sumuya - A lot of people here recommend the book Thin for Life, and I discovered that you can read the first 80 pages of it on Google Books. (I'll probably buy it sooner or later, though a friend of mine is hopefully ordering it so I think I'll borrow her copy.) It has lots of excellent advice about how to keep the weight off this time. One thing that really stuck with me, and also with the friend I recommended it to, is when the book pointed out that while you may feel like a failure because you've been on so many diets, this actually makes you an expert. You have far more data about what works and doesn't work for you. You know far more about how you work and which areas to tackle. From the pretty large chunk I've read of that book, it's a very good one to get. I'm sure there are lots of good books around about how to deal with this sort of emotional eating, as well, and counselling and/or a support group may work well for you too, if it's feasible. Making the first step to tackle the problem is often the hardest, and that's what you've done by coming here. You're on the journey. You can do it. And this forum is great for emotional support, practical advice, and a huge amount of expertise from people who've been through all parts of the weight loss experience, including repeatedly failing but finally succeeding.

Rubyred7 - I know you meant well, and you've given her lots of great advice apart from this bit, but with the greatest of respect I'd like to say that yes, I am very uncomfortable with that sort of post. I'd prefer it if that sort of discussion were kept to the Faith subforum, rather than telling people that "God and the saving knowledge of his son Jesus is the only thing that can give you true peace." I wouldn't have any problem with your mentioning that you've found your religious faith to be a great help, but this is at the level of proselytising.

berryblondeboys
07-10-2011, 08:41 AM
Rubyred7 - I know you meant well, and you've given her lots of great advice apart from this bit, but with the greatest of respect I'd like to say that yes, I am very uncomfortable with that sort of post. I'd prefer it if that sort of discussion were kept to the Faith subforum, rather than telling people that "God and the saving knowledge of his son Jesus is the only thing that can give you true peace." I wouldn't have any problem with your mentioning that you've found your religious faith to be a great help, but this is at the level of proselytising.

Thank you for this. I didn't want to bash either, but especially when you are speaking to someone you don't know, you can't know if bringing up faith is appropriate. And this was more than just mentioning faith, it was proselytizing.

Suzanne 3FC
07-10-2011, 01:19 PM
Sumuya - Welcome to 3FC !! I'm glad you joined and I hope you find the support here that you are looking for :hug: I think there are some great responses here and I hope it helps you move forward and succeed.

We noticed that the thread has ventured into faith as a means of support during the weight loss process. We have a fantastic faith based support forum here (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/faith-based-support-groups-127/) which is for all faiths. If anyone wants to continue the discussion there, everyone is welcome :yes: But for threads in our general support forums, such as this one, we prefer to focus on the issues without bringing in faith. This way everyone can stay involved with full community spirit :)

Thanks!!

ringmaster
07-10-2011, 02:58 PM
just wanted to welcome you back to the forums. Hope you stick around. Even if you don't do anything weightloss wise now, I think reading other's posts will eventually get you motivated

foodmasochist
07-10-2011, 03:18 PM
what if the first thing you did was just make a commitment to yourself to come here everyday? You don't have to even write anything, but to visit here everyday and take in the courage and stories of the members here. Perhaps that will help you :) -fm

Rana
07-10-2011, 04:32 PM
The fact that you're here posting makes me think that you're considering making a change.

I didn't know it either, but 3FC is one of the things that keeps me focused on my weight loss. I hope you stick around. Even if you don't make any changes to your diet, exercise and you keep gaining weight, the fact that you're reaching out for support here is a good first step.

Eventually, when you're ready, you'll figure the rest of it out. But I do want to second what others have said...staying fat is hard and if you're lost weight before (despite gaining it back) you are more informed about what works (and doesn't work!!!!!!) than others..... so, you're on a good path there too.

I hope you stick around!!!

Sumuya
07-10-2011, 08:14 PM
Sumuya, I'm so glad you found this wonderful site. I have had many times in my life when I have felt so out of control and I didn't know what to do. I just couldn't get my act together. I couldn't make it through one single day without binge eating. I didn't see any end in sight. Then something occurred to me.... what if I could just focus on one single day? That wouldn't be so bad right? Anything that I would want to eat on that day, I would promise myself that I could have it the next day. I would take it minute by minute and hour by hour. I would visualize myself waking up the next morning after having succeeded and that kept me going. Once I was able to make it through one day.....I knew that I could do it. I knew that I could make it through another. I treated every day like it was brand new and the only difference was my increased confidence. I am telling you all of this because I hope you can try to do it too. Don't put it off anymore. Start tomorrow. Commit. Keep coming here to this site and ask for help and information. Read about all of the success stories. Find what works for you. Don't try to do too much too soon. That's too hard! Make small changes every week until you suddenly wake up one day and realize that this is actually making you feel better. You are in control of food and not the other way around.

I don't have any impression of you as being child like in intelligence. But, we all have an inner child that can take over. It's time for the mature Sumuya to take control. You can beat this....one day at a time. :hug:

p.s. my best friend is Muslim and she's like a sister to me :)

Great advice, Thanks Luckymommy. Maturity comes with being responsible for ones actions. I hope I get there. :hug:

Good advice so far. I just thought I'd add one of my favorite quotes that I steal from a friend here on 3FC sometimes.

"Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining your weight is hard. Pick your hard."

I can tell you feel like you're in a dark place right now. So many of us have been there, done that. Spend some time on this board and you might just find some real inspiration and motivation to help you make the change you need. I know I did. =} Best of luck to you.

This is true, all my life I have been running away from doing anything difficult, not realizing, there is nothing easy about being overweight.

I believe the key to getting over this relationship with food is to start viewing food more as a fuel and less as a pleasurable activity or a primary source of enjoyment. Sometimes when you are really heavy and down on it, it seems like the food is one of the only things you really have. But really, when you look at the full picture, food provides comfort but takes away so much from other areas. It's simply not worth it.

One of the things I've noticed now that I'm further in the process is that food isn't really as great as I thought it was. It's definitely still enjoyable, but it's not a lifeline. It's just fuel.

The one thing that really helped me make this jump was exercise and food logging. Seeing what it really takes to burn 100 calories or 400 calories will make you more conscious of what you are doing, and logging food helps you realize what you need to change to get to a proper intake. Good luck, it's not easy, but if you really want to lose weight, there's not much that can prevent you from reaching your goals

You hit the nail on the head. It's not just about diet and exercise but changing the way I feel about food. Every single year I lose weight only to gain it back again. Because I was more focused on dieting than looking at the bigger picture. I want to change this food obsession and see food as something insignificant. The question is how do I do that?after many years of bad habit.

for me, I can say it's been a tough experience getting a better handle on food, eating, body image and my weight after having been through some extremes -- binge eating, getting to a very large size so that I had trouble walking. It's been a process of making peace with problems and fears, with bad habits, wrong beliefs, misinformation, not knowing myself. It's an ongoing thing, really.

time moves forward no matter what we do or don't do. maybe one thing you can think about is working on other areas of your life to make facing changing the physical health aspects of it easier. rally the support you might need, with family and friends and whatever else you need. Plus, it sounds like you may be super focusing on the weight as a way not to have to face other fears (I offer that because I'm sure I do it).

I've felt for a long time that exercise is a great way to change your body, ease your mind and put you in a positive frame to keep taking the next steps. you don't need money or a gym membership. though I like going to the gym.

you may have to push yourself to start out, I always do, but you'll gain momentum. good luck!

You want to hear something crazy, I have free gym membership until March next year that I'm not making use of. Every time I think about exercising, the desire never lasts long. I just give up to easily if I'm not in a comfortable place and I find exercise so hard.

I have battled weight most of my life - from teen years onward. My weight just steadily climbed. When I got to 235, I decided to fix everything. I was doing great - lost 50 pounds and felt great... but then it all fell apart and in less than a year I gained it all back and slowly added 40 more in teh next couple years. I got up to 275.

So many things were contributing to my weight gain, and after awhile, it's a never ending spiral - you get heavier, so you feel more lethargic which makes it hard to move. Your sleep gets worse, so you make poorer food choices and so on.

I lost 10 pounds when we moved due to moving more... then I got pregnant. I always lose when pregnant and post pregnancy I was 40 pounds lighter, but with lack of sleep and post partum depression (I think caused by so little sleep), I gained it all back (save for the 10 pounds I had lost).

two years ago I lost ten pounds again with moving more (as we were moving again to a new house) and over a year I didn't gain it back. That was beginning to give me hope - twice I has lost 10 pounds and kept it off. What had changed?

Well, I had better eating habits for one... but I was still miserable and felt horrible. I was 40 years old. I had a husband, a 14 year old and a 5 year old. I was just hoping I would live long enough to see my younger son grown. I didn't expect to live longer and quite honestly, I didn't know if I wanted to. I wasn't suicidal, I just knew I felt so unhealthy and miserable.

Then I finally went to the doctor with terrible headaches that had lasted day and night for three months. Facing the doctor and what he had to say was my biggest fear. I would have to face what I knew - I was falling apart and couldn't be in denial any longer.

My former healthy self was gone - my blood pressure was 230/130. My blood sugar was out of control diabetes numbers, my cholesterol was high and my thyroid was super slow.

I started the thyroid meds and the bp meds and the headaches went away within 3 days after 3 months of nonstop pain. I felt alive. I hadn't slept well in years, all of a sudden I slept through the night and guess what, I started to feel more alive!

7 months later (that's all it's been since that doctor's appt) and I'm down almost 60 pounds, my blood pressure is perfect without medication now, I am controlling blood sugar with diet along, my cholesterol is normal and thank goodness I didn't damage my eyes, my kidneys or my heart. I had stopped the cycle in time.

Am I afraid I'll gain it back? Well, part of me always will be I suppose, but I also feel I don't really have a choice - it's treat myself well or live off meds and die miserably.

I went from wanting a short life to hoping I live to be old. I feel strong. I feel worthy. I feel alive. If you told me that was even possible 7 months ago, I would have said you were lying.

But mostly I don't fear about gaining back. I have faced a lot of demons since my first weight loss. Food is no longer for comfort. I no longer hide food.

I think also another big thing in feeling hopeful is that I've eliminated simple carbs. They were killing me. I feel so much better and don't have the cravings now that they are gone. And Good riddance! Life is way better than a piece of cake!

I did the same thing, except I was 39 years old and 370 lbs. Now I'm 42 and my size 16s are falling off - I'm virtually a 14 on my way to size 8. I tossed out my scale so I don't know what I weigh.

It's never too late and you CAN do it. If you need counseling to help, get it. Food does NOT have to rule your life. I read a wonderful book called Think Yourself Thin (it's not a diet) and it really helped me - you can order it off A M A Z O N for about $3. It might help you a lot.

Hugs! You can do it!!!! :)

:hug:This is great Melissa, It really helpful when people talk about their experiences and what worked for them and what didn't.

Please, oh god PLEASE.... do not do what I did and wait until your late 30's to do something about your health! Most of my 30's were spent binging in my bedroom watching soap operas, making up excuses not to go out with the few friends that I had and being miserable each and every time I did go out with friends. I even made excuses not to see my family over important holiday's because I didn't want to be seen by the world.

Now that I am back to a weight I haven't seen in almost 20 years, I can kick myself everyday for what I missed out on. Cute & age appropriate clothes, relationships, FUN,...... My life was all about food and the comfort it gave me. Just like you.

And when they say nothing tastes as good as thin feels.... well.... it's absolutely true! I am going to go back and read your posts but honestly, it's not what you wrote in the past that matters. It's the here and now. You can do this. PLEASE do this.... for you. I know you can find it within yourself to get motivated and healthy!!

I am so glad you are back and I look forward to reading up on your progress!

Hugs to you sweetie. :)

:hug:Thanks, I'm doing this to myself now and I don't know how to wake up from it.

Sumuya - A lot of people here recommend the book Thin for Life, and I discovered that you can read the first 80 pages of it on Google Books. (I'll probably buy it sooner or later, though a friend of mine is hopefully ordering it so I think I'll borrow her copy.) It has lots of excellent advice about how to keep the weight off this time. One thing that really stuck with me, and also with the friend I recommended it to, is when the book pointed out that while you may feel like a failure because you've been on so many diets, this actually makes you an expert. You have far more data about what works and doesn't work for you. You know far more about how you work and which areas to tackle. From the pretty large chunk I've read of that book, it's a very good one to get. I'm sure there are lots of good books around about how to deal with this sort of emotional eating, as well, and counselling and/or a support group may work well for you too, if it's feasible. Making the first step to tackle the problem is often the hardest, and that's what you've done by coming here. You're on the journey. You can do it. And this forum is great for emotional support, practical advice, and a huge amount of expertise from people who've been through all parts of the weight loss experience, including repeatedly failing but finally succeeding.


Thanks for the recommendation, you just reminded me that I was going to ask you all to suggest books to read on dealing with food obsession. I'm not interested in reading a diet book, but perhaps a weight loss memoir or books dealing with overeating.

Sumuya
07-10-2011, 08:31 PM
Just forgot to comment on the point DCHound mentioned about getting counselling. I went to my doctor and said I wanted to see a psychologist about my problem. Because of my weight I was told to see a weight loss psychologist.

The questions which I was asked included " when your are eating, say if someone was to knock on your door or you received a phone call, would you stop to answer the door or the phone or continuing eating". Lol I found some of the questions asked ridiculous and quickly realized it was not for me.

dZsmalls
07-10-2011, 09:26 PM
What kind of activities do you already do that are physical or strenuous in nature? If you are very sedentary and don't do much, it's difficult to view food as a fuel. A fuel for what?

When I was severely obese, I didn't really know what it was like to eat based on hunger. I ate when you were "supposed to" such as at certain times of the day, in addition to eating for comfort, boredom, pleasure, excuses to get out of the house, etc. Even when I thought I was hungry, it really could be classified as more of a craving.

Humans are set up with a system to tell them when they require more energy with hunger. Hunger is like the fuel light on a car, it flashes on when fuel in the tank is getting low. The problem that I had and that many binge eaters that I know have is that they are CONSTANTLY refueling. Your gas light never comes on if you stop at every single gas station you see and fill up. Likewise, you never really get that process of becoming hungry, eating, and then being satisfied if you overeat frequently. If restoring energy and getting nutrients weren't your intention when you eat the food, it's hard to reach or recognize a point of satisfaction, because you have no cue to stop and everything in your brain screams "This is fun, continue!".

Dieting is complicated and difficult and uncomfortable. The problem I think many have with diets is that the idea of long-term discomfort is disheartening and discouraging. People think of the big picture too much and don't focus on small, attainable goals. Don't even try to think of how long it would be until you look a certain way or when you will start to reap the benefits. It's too overwhelming to extend the idea of such difficulty to a long period of time because often you feel so out of control that it doesn't seem realistically attainable that you could hold out for that long.

Instead, focus on the things that you can do right now to improve and nothing else. You're relationship with food will not change drastically and quickly, its a slow progress with many small victories and defeats. Whats most important in my opinion is to make your goals attainable for yourself so that you get used to accomplishing what you want. When I was morbidly obese, I knew that it was physically possible for me to lose weight, but it just didn't seem possible for me to do it. When you make a plan and stick to it, you prove to yourself that you have the willpower and discipline to obtain whatever goals you set.

And if there was one big secret of weight loss, it would be this:
It's most difficult in the beginning. Exercise is hardest, you feel the most deprived of food, your mood tanks the hardest, cravings rage at their strongest, and you have the least amount of progress to keep you motivated. Every day that you stick to a healthy lifestyle without quitting is making the next day EASIER. So if you have the discipline to hold out for the first month, your body will make your new lifestyle choices a HABIT, just like your body made abusing food for comfort a HABIT. The human body and mind is more adaptable and malleable than it appears, and simply doing the small things day in and day out will change your perceived difficulty of losing weight.

It's like the first day of school after summer back in grade school. After endless free time with little responsibility, it seems like **** to be back in a disciplined, structured environment. The days drag and the clocks hands seem to be in slow motion. However, by the second semester you are used to your Monday-Friday routine and doing homework again, and it feels NORMAL instead of feeling like discipline.

The first goal I ever had was to only eat when I was hungry for 3 days and ignoring all cravings. Not easy at that time, but not intimidating or impossible. After you achieve that, just set one goal after another until the habit picks up. I think you really want to change, and that is really all that you need for success in the long run. Draw a line down the middle of the page and label one side "Why I want to lose weight" and label the other side "Why I want to overeat". IF you are anything like me, you will have a novel on one side of the page and "It makes me feel happy for a short time" on the other.

Esofia
07-11-2011, 07:01 AM
Thanks for the recommendation, you just reminded me that I was going to ask you all to suggest books to read on dealing with food obsession. I'm not interested in reading a diet book, but perhaps a weight loss memoir or books dealing with overeating.

I know what you mean. I already know what sort of food I should be eating, and I adhere to ethical dietary restrictions which make a lot of diets impossible anyway (do you have something similar if you're keeping halal?), so I'm not interested in a book which tells me what food to eat. I'm more interested in the psychology of weight loss, plus some of the physical ways in which it affects the body (e.g. hormonal disruption). Thin For Life was written after interviewing a number of people who had lost a minimum amount of weight (20lb, but for many it was much more) and kept it off for more than a set number of years (and again, many had kept it off for far more). People are so often focused on failure with weight loss, whereas this book looks at why some people succeed and how you can learn from them. It's not about which diet plan you're on, the people in the book followed a variety of diets. Have a look at it here (http://books.google.com/books?id=EjCncRsUgHgC&printsec=frontcover&dq=thin+for+life&ei=KtcaTtWBHtLpUK3epOgE&cd=1#v=onepage&q&f=false) and see what you think.

Putting "food obsession" into the Amazon search brought up quite a few results, all with plenty of reviews, so that could be a starting point. Maybe your local library will have something useful? It's a popular subject, after all.

Rana
07-11-2011, 10:00 AM
I don't know if the food obsession ever really goes away.

Food is such an integral part of our lives. I think instead of focusing on eating it as much as we can, the idea is to change the focus to eating the right things that make us feel full of energy, healthy, and happy.

I still worry and think about food, even though I've been losing weight -- I worry about what I put in my mouth and what I'm going to cook tonight and whether or not I should buy this organic or that conventional.

I'm not sure there is ever a day when you can genuinely say that food doesn't mean anything or it doesn't have a place in your life. I think what happens, rather, is that you realize that food is fuel, food is about health, and it takes a different dimension.... it's no longer about food = comfort or food = distraction or food = stuffing down of feelings or whatever the food you're eating now means to you.

I would still consider Overeaters Anonymous for you, or try a different psychologist. They are not all the same as the one that you picked up. Try again. Don't give up.