Why is it that whenever I get upset about my body/weight/measurements I binge despite the fact that I KNOW this won't help me at all? In fact, it will do just the opposite.
This evening, for instance, after doing really well for the past three days, I found a tape measure while putting away clean laundry. Curious as I was I measured my waist and almost fainted when I saw the number. The last time I measured my waist, at my lowest weight (about a year ago) it was 29.5 inches. Now, it most certainly is not. This revelation made me so upset that I turned directly to food, all the while knowing how much I would regret it. And I did, I didn't even enjoy any of the eating.
It is getting to the point where I am seriously worried that my eating 'disorder' has gotten the best of me. I've had huge issues with food and eating for the past eleven years (I'm twenty). I can't have a 'bad' weight in without binging, I can't think about food without binging, I can't even really go into my kitchen without binging.
Sorry this turned into something of a rant, but I am getting desperate.
If the negative effects of a "bad" weigh-in are so heavy for you, then it sounds like you're not in the right place to tempt those behaviors from surfacing. In other words, lock the scale up, focus on the good behaviors (like those past three days!) and challenge yourself through those good behaviors instead of focusing on the scale or tape measure to tell you how you've done.
Yes, most of us want to take off a few pounds while ridding ourselves of disordered eating. If watching the scale triggers binging and disordered eating, then we're not only being counter-productive to weight loss, but we're forcing ourselves to face trigger situations when we're not ready for them.
Two birds with one stone in this situation might be to rid yourself of the scale for a month. Focusing on better habits in general not only might shed a few pounds, but could help with the larger problem of binging.
Secondly, (that was a long firstly) are you seeking out counseling? You say you're getting desperate. It could be time to speak to a professional.
I do have a counselor, who I'll be going to on a bi-weekly basis while I'm home from school. We talked about it at our last session, and I plan on making it the focus of the rest of them. She suggested that I go back to a nutritionist, but frankly, the last time I went I was so ashamed that I spent the bulk of the time lying about my eating habits. I am just afraid that I would do this again.
I think I may try getting rid of the scale, or only weighing myself once a week when I'm at my dad's house (where, believe me, there is no food to speak of. I bring with me whatever I'm going to eat for the 2 hours I'm there, and that is about it) where I am never really inclined to binge. I would spend more time there, but it just isn't practical given where I work/the whole lack of food thing.
Thank you again for your kind words, I am certainly taking them to heart.
I understand. Getting in shape takes time, so even when we do the right things, we do not see the results right away, or even for a long time. So its easy to sabotage long term rewards - a better body, by giving ourselves short term rewards-like food. Its hard to go a long time without a reward-because the reward of a better body takes time, because we have been giving ourselves these short term, cheaply won rewards of tons of food for so long-we are used to it. So when we experience painful things-like seeing that our bodies are not all that great, we go back to the habit of getting immediate relief-binging to feel OK. At least that is how it is with me.
It takes a lot of coaxing to change that habit of looking for immediate relief so that we can get that long, hardwon reward. Another thing is accepting yourself and your body at its current state-you can look at your body but with that mindset-use it as motivation, but do not hate yourself. I had to look in the mirror for the first time straight up in years. I had to tell myself that my body was not what it used to be but it WILL get better and appreciate that my body has sustained itself for this long despite all the binging lol. While I would have loved to always look good-it is better to have a nice body in the future than never have it again at all.
"Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle helped me get past the emotional eating bits. So did simplifying my life and relationships. I was a stress emotional eater in the past. I don't know if it would help you, but see if your library has it.
Why is it that whenever I get upset about my body/weight/measurements I binge despite the fact that I KNOW this won't help me at all? In fact, it will do just the opposite.
This evening, for instance, after doing really well for the past three days, I found a tape measure while putting away clean laundry. Curious as I was I measured my waist and almost fainted when I saw the number. The last time I measured my waist, at my lowest weight (about a year ago) it was 29.5 inches. Now, it most certainly is not. This revelation made me so upset that I turned directly to food, all the while knowing how much I would regret it. And I did, I didn't even enjoy any of the eating.
It is getting to the point where I am seriously worried that my eating 'disorder' has gotten the best of me. I've had huge issues with food and eating for the past eleven years (I'm twenty). I can't have a 'bad' weight in without binging, I can't think about food without binging, I can't even really go into my kitchen without binging.
Sorry this turned into something of a rant, but I am getting desperate.
Believe me i do the same thing! I will be feeling good then i will try something on or measure myself and see it's not where i thought it was and get depressed and EAT and EAT and EAT.... just making myself worse off
I think the only thing you can do is be patient and not constantly check your measurements and remember that it takes time. Seeing a counseler is a good idea too, i just started seeing one a few months ago and i should have done it years ago (im 30) and have struggled with eating/weight for at least 20 years.
Thank you to everyone who posted! And apostrophe I am definitely going to be looking into that book! Since posting this I have gotten my eating back under control, and am right back on track. I'm glad to know that I am not the only person who does this. It really is mostly frustrating because the entire time I'm doing it, I know how stupid I'm being.
Upset About Body, My Solution is to Binge??
