Weight Loss Support - How did you learn to love yourself?




abbysue715
07-03-2011, 01:10 PM
I know I need to learn to love myself and appreciate myself right now as is its just SOOOO hard. I know I have to quit talking negative about myself and start filling my head with positive thoughts but it seems like the negative is so much louder. Any tips, advice, or personal experience would be wonderful!!!


Snaplet
07-03-2011, 01:15 PM
It's hard. I'm still working on it.

I try to imagine what I would say to a daughter or a very close friend in the same situation...and then say that to myself. In a way, I'm holding myself to the same standards in talking to myself, that I do in talking to everyone else.

Just like with food, it's easier for me to focus on adding the good...and the bad naturally dwindles away.

IsobelRose22
07-03-2011, 01:37 PM
It is hard and I don't think I'll ever be totally happy with what I see in the mirror.

But when I have a really low moment, I think about conversations I've had with friends and my sisters when they've been talking negatively about themselves. I always say that they don't look nearly as bad as they think and I feel envious of certain parts of their body (like my friends legs for example) and in turn she's said to me she envies my small waist and thinks I'm 'the pretty one' despite the fact I'm 24lbs heavier than her. I just keep in mind that what I see isn't necessarily what everyone else see's, generally other people only ever see the positive things about person.

But practical things that make you feel better are plenty of water, fruit and vegetables, 7-8 hrs sleep a night, and exercise (I find belly dancing, latin dancing etc is amazing for body confidence because it works better with a few curves)


gonnadoitthistime
07-03-2011, 01:40 PM
Learning to not be negative has been a long journey for me. Part of the being positive is not getting down on myself for being negative! Years ago, after an extremely bad depression while on antidepressants, I was told they don't work long term. Luckily I came across a good therapist and worked on cognitive therapy, and continue to do so. Almost daily there are automatic thoughts I am now able to recognize and label as "negative, useless, inaccurate" which helps me.

Just in the past few days have been working on the fact I don't stick to a program for weight loss for more than a few weeks, and how much I beat myself up about that..... So, to be positve I have decided that this is simply the best way to lose weight for me!!! In Jan I was at 241, today at 213, so I tell myself I am moving in the right direction and that is what counts (instead of focusing on how quickly I should or could be losing, how fast other's lose, how there must be something wrong with me that I can't stick with it for months on end etc etc.)

gonnadoitthistime
07-03-2011, 01:44 PM
Oh, maybe you can look up "labeling thoughts" for OCD patients.
It helped me a lot! It's a process with much success for those with OCD issues wherein they label and file mentally thoughts as part of their ocd and not really things to act on.

this mentally labeling and filing works for me in all areas I try it, including being irritated by noisy neighbors who disrupt my sleep all the time etc etc.

bopbot
07-03-2011, 01:52 PM
Just in the past few days have been working on the fact I don't stick to a program for weight loss for more than a few weeks, and how much I beat myself up about that..... So, to be positve I have decided that this is simply the best way to lose weight for me!!! In Jan I was at 241, today at 213, so I tell myself I am moving in the right direction and that is what counts (instead of focusing on how quickly I should or could be losing, how fast other's lose, how there must be something wrong with me that I can't stick with it for months on end etc etc.)

That is a really fantastic way to look at what you perceived before as unfinished weight loss programs.

Clearly, your CBT is working very well for you.


I learned how to love myself when I began living without regard for my weight. Granted, that didn't do much for my weight (gained 15lbs on an already overweight frame) but it did make me feel much better about myself. Before, I always faced weight loss with a sense of extreme urgency; I wanted to have the weight off NOW. And I did get the weight off in a very short period of time, and it made me unhappy, over and over again. Skinniness isn't happiness.

Now I'm just making healthy choices for myself in the long-term, and it's making a big difference in my happiness.

heathermichigan
07-03-2011, 02:10 PM
I had the same problem. I started saying the stuff I was thinking out loud to my husband. By doing that, I could see how MEAN I was being to myself. And how I didn't deserve such mean thoughts and needed to be nicer to myself. So that's my new mantra: Be Nice to Yourself. It helps on those days when the scale goes up a pound or my tummy pooches out more than I'd like in a pair of shorts. I figure that I'm working really really hard and deserve to have nice thoughts in my head, and now I don't let myself think mean things anymore.
Now, I know that not everyone has a supportive husband, boyfriend, friend, mom, sister, etc., but it did help me in my situation. Hearing it out loud makes a huge difference.

bellastarr
07-03-2011, 02:28 PM
I know I need to learn to love myself and appreciate myself right now as is its just SOOOO hard. I know I have to quit talking negative about myself and start filling my head with positive thoughts but it seems like the negative is so much louder. Any tips, advice, or personal experience would be wonderful!!!


Ditto... i absolutely hate myself and can use all the tips you guys all have.. I started seeing a therapist and i like her but still need way more help

kaplods
07-03-2011, 02:30 PM
For me, it meant creating a "parent" voice in my head. I already had the hating voice, I had to create the loving voice, to counteract the bully. Every time I thought the bad stuff, I'd choose to say the good stuff and I'd scold the bully voice.

I eventually was able to drive the bad voices away (mostly). Sure they crop up occasionally, and I pull out the good, loving me to shout down the bully me.

At first it meant acting as if, pretending I meant the good stuff I said about myself to myself. But once I started to believe, it became fun. Seeing diet, exercise and weight loss as a gift I gave my wonderful self, instead of punishment for my horrible self, makes it so much easier - pampering myself with good healthy choices instead of depriving myself as punishment.

"Naughty me" would feel a little guilty for buying some fattening treat (but I'd do it anyway), and I had to pesuade "Good me" that splurging on exotic fruits and other "decadent but healthy" foods wasn't bad.

For me, it started with envying the celebrities who could go to weight loss spas. I thought "why couldn't I try to recreate the spa experience," and so I did. At the time I had a decent job, so I joined a gym that had a whirlpool (God I love whirlpools). I pretended that I was my own personal trainer (because my job wasn't good enough to afford one).

Sure it feels a little weird to talk to myself, to pretend I am what I'm not (yet), but I figure you can use your imagination to punish yourself, or you can use it to pamper and appreciate yourself. Telling myself good things makes more sense than telling myself bad things.

tuende
07-03-2011, 02:50 PM
I'm still learning! For me, the biggest thing that helped me change my self-image was exercise. I started working out hard, even though I was just doing DVD's in my living room (and struggling through them), I started to see small successes. I saw the people in the DVD's as such badasses and I wanted to be like them. I was working out way harder than I ever thought I could; the further I pushed, the more power I found in myself. If could make it through those tough workouts, what else could I do? I started seeing myself as capable during a workout and that translated to other areas of my life. Not that happened over night, but for me the physical successes helped me see that I could do so much more than I thought I could- both in the gym and otherwise. It was the start of a more positive self-image. It doesn't have to be through exercise, but reflecting on anything that helps you to recognize and fully appreciate how capable you are is an awesome start.

As other posters have said, I still have to be conscious about my "self-talk"- shut out the negative, think of the positive. I have things that I love about myself and things I still want to work on and I know that's an OK place to be.

dragonwoman64
07-03-2011, 02:57 PM
for me, focusing more outward than inward has helped. Church, charity type of stuff. I also followed some of my interests, knitting, botanic gardens, walking, the gym. Figuring out and realizing the ways that you contribute to the world, and being creative and enjoying your life. Body and weight is only one aspect of me.

exercise has made a big difference weight/image wise for me too, btw.

Lyn2007
07-03-2011, 03:04 PM
Wow, I JUST blogged about this today! I had a very hard time learning this too, and am still learning. For me it was a matter of looking at my wonderful children and deciding not to think bad things about their mother. Those kids are part of me and I can only love myself for having them and raising them!

gagalu
07-03-2011, 03:08 PM
i've always loved myself, just not necessarily my appearance. i began to love my appearance when i started doing things to change it that would be worthy of love.

what is it that you don't like about yourself? if it's a reasonable dislike, do your best to change it. you've already lost 60 lbs! that's an incredible feat, and there's plenty to love about a woman capable of doing that.

Larry H
07-03-2011, 03:59 PM
I was angry with myself for a long time and I held a grudge against myself. This was because of what I had done to myself in the weight and health area. The first thing that I had to do was to learn to forgive myself. I had to realize that the past is behind me and what really counts is my future what actions I take going forward.

It has been said that although no one can go back and start over, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending

If I can't forgive and love myself no one else will and I now believe that I am worth it.

I am a product of God and God does not make junk!

Larry,

xty
07-03-2011, 06:22 PM
Negative self-talk seems to create more negative self-talk. Set a few goals for yourself to slowly get into a better habit. First, just congratulate yourself every time you even notice thinking those negative thoughts about yourself. Awareness is the key, so really do celebrate just noticing! Second, when you feel like you can (doesnt have to be each time you have the thoughts), ask yourself if you can "pivot". Example of a pivot is something like moving from the original thought of "I look so fat today!" to something more like "Ok, well I dont look skinny but I do definitely look better than I did one month ago.".

And third - find a mantra. Any short affirmative statement you truly believe works. Example mantra - "I am love and light in action." Use the mantra any time you want....when you just did a pivot...or when you are showering to set the day off right. During the bus ride home to switch up after a dreary day.

It is a habit thing, or was for me, so it took a long time. But years later I see vast improvement.