Weight Loss Support - Unsolictied Opinions

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06-27-2011, 09:56 AM
Well, it would seem that once you share with friends and family that you are losing weight, everyone becomes a freakin' weight loss EXPERT and wants to share all of their sage advice, no matter how outrageous it seems. Here's what I have found most common:

1.) The ones who are naturally thin and don't need to lose weight and their advice goes something like this, "Oh, all you really need to do is eat healthy. You shouldn't have to PAY someone for that."

2.) The overweight people who have tried and failed a hundred times (yes, I have been in THAT group!) who would be candidates for a de-motivational poster. "Oh, yeah, I tried WW. I didn't lose anything!"

3.) The crash dieters who try to convince me to go on some crazy diet where all you eat for two weeks is like kale and ginger root or something (okay, I haven't actually hear THAT one, but I have has people encourage me to try drinking only juice for two weeks- WTH?) Or those who tell me that I need to exercise 90 minutes a day (really folks, my feet haven't been on a treadmill in a biblical eternity, give it time!)

So, how do you thwart wanted advice and opinions? I like to share with people that I am losing weight so they don't think I have fallen of my rocker when I turn down the beer and bbq, but I would prefer that people simply behave in a supportive manner.

06-27-2011, 10:00 AM
I just tell them have that I read it all and I know it all and it is the practical application that I am lacking.... shuts them right up.

06-27-2011, 10:25 AM
i never tell people I am dieting. This keeps the diet police off my back.

06-27-2011, 10:43 AM
^^^^ditto. I don't tell people much of anything. I'll write in on a forum though ;)

However, when I do get 'advice' in person, I just smile and nod my head and take it with a grain of salt.

06-27-2011, 10:53 AM
I agree with the don't ask, don't tell advice. Since in your case it seems like it's too late for that, go with the smile and nod approach.

You can, of course, tell them why you think they're wrong, and I won't say they don't deserve it, but you're unlikely to convince them, and you might be opening yourself up to a longer conversation than you'd like.

06-27-2011, 10:58 AM
Thanks y'all. I did not used to tell people I was losing weight- but then I found that I could "forget" to record food and oops, what do ya know, I have eaten four taco and a bean burrito from Taco Bell!!

I like the smile and nod approach. Maybe it's also good to simply say, "I'm glad/sorry that did/did not work out for you!" and move on.

06-27-2011, 01:24 PM
yup i had a friend like that...who i no longer hang out with now for other reasons...but she was far heavier than me and always had a word of advice about things to do or try to lose weight...i did alot of saying "i'll keep that in mind" and then promptly ignore it...also encountered the same thing when my kids were little, lots of advice about stuff, that i also responded "i'll keep that in mind" and then did my own thing...turns out i'm losing weight and raising kids successfully after all! LOL :)

Lori Bell
06-27-2011, 01:43 PM
I understand telling people, but when people would offer advice, I would have a whole slew of come backs. Some people got the "my doctor said" reply, and some got the, "I know how to lose weight, tell me how to keep it off" reply, some got the "mind your own business" reply and some got the "Wow...I'll try that tomorrow reply". People don't comment on what I should do anymore...it's now a whole new set of friendship "issues".

06-27-2011, 01:50 PM
Honestly, I avoid the situation, by never discussing with anyone that I'm doing a lifestyle change. I don't talk about working out or about what food I buy. When someone told me I looked slimmer, I said thank you and left it at that.
I'm so lucky to have been welcomed to 3FC by all of you, so I can discuss and receive amazing resources in a positive environment.

06-27-2011, 05:22 PM
I would say, "One thing I've learned about health and fitness is even the health and fitness industry contradicts their own advice some times and science evolves and ideas change. So thanks, but I think I'll just stick to what I know is concrete and not the current fad."

06-27-2011, 05:37 PM
My favorite, especially from my own brother is "are you suppose to be eating that". And my response is "yes, so shut the heck up"!! But it's not usually heck that i use!! LOL. People are amazing aren't they?!! He will be stuffing his face asking me that question.

06-27-2011, 10:40 PM
When you think about it, people do this about EVERYTHING. Whenever you tell people what you're doing, someone always has a better way or their own story to tell. We just don't care as much about the other topics. We don't take it personally when someone trashes our choice or makes recommendations on other subjects. "How can you like that movie, it was TRASH!"

We let social customs tell us which topics to take personally, but we don't have to take any of them personally. When you're confident in your choice, other people's opinions are at best interesting and at worst not interesting.

I lOVE talking about weight loss, because I'm confident in MY opinions, and I like to share. There are other topics I like to talk about too, but weight loss is probably one of the things most people wish I would shut up about. If they tell me so (or I start to suspect) I shut up - but I expect people to do that on any topic they'd personally rather not discuss.

For myself, I'm perfectly fine saying "I'd rather not talk about that, if you don't mind" (whatever the "that" happens to be. For a while it was whether or not my husband and I were planning on having children. The truth was we were both ok, but still sad about our choice not to have kids and we didn't really want to go into all of the reasons why we ultimately decided against it. It wasn't anyone's business and we didn't enjoy talking about it, so we didn't, usually).

You have a right to ask people to keep their opinions to themselves on certain matters. Most people will respect it, and the others you may have to get more firm with, or find a way to avoid the subject however you feel best, even if that means walking away.

My mother for a while would not let up about all sorts of criticisms of me, until I started leaving the room every time she fell into lecture mode. If she wouldn't comply with my request to change the subject, I'd calmly, without outward anger get in my car and go home, even if I'd only been there a few minutes (at the time I lived about an hour away).

She now tells my sisters behind my back that "I'm so touchy" but I don't care what people say behind my back, as long as they respect my wishes in-person.

How direct you want to be is your choice, but remember that you have a choice. An unsolicited opinion is a gift. Sometimes it's just what you've always wanted and needed, but far more often it's an ugly hand-made sweater that isn't your color or your size.

If I think it's meant as a gift from someone I care about, I say thank-you (and ditch the sweater in my nearest mental trash can). If it's a gift from someone I don't care that much about, I say "no thank you, you can keep that."

06-27-2011, 11:00 PM
^^^^ditto. I don't tell people much of anything. I'll write in on a forum though ;)

However, when I do get 'advice' in person, I just smile and nod my head and take it with a grain of salt.

I do the same. I smile nod. Listen. Then go about my own business. I actually like hearing everyone elses opinions and stories.