Okay, so I have officially been OP for 11 days now, since joining WW on 12/30. I had a 2 lb. loss at my first weigh-in, even though I was not faithful in my journaling, water drinking and such, "with the holidays and all" I told myself.
I know that people usually do best at weight loss when they have supportive folks around them, and it sounds like many of you have that, outside of your meetings and the forums. I have only told 2 people about my new committment to weight loss. I am dreading having anyone else find out--almost like its some dirty little secret or something. Has anyone else ever felt like this?
It dawned on me on my way to my meeting on Monday when a co-worker and I landed at the same intersection at the same time--I was totally worked up about her figuring out where I was going, even though I'm sure she probably didn't even notice my car--how ridiculous is that?
I know I can't do this alone. This is the first time I've ever been on a real program--except for when I was in elementary school and my folks would make copies of their WW journals for me to use. The only thing I can come up with is that I am afraid to fail, and I don't want people watching what I eat and being all :nono: or asking me about my progress if it slows to a :snail:'s pace.
Sorry this has been long, I feel better for having put it out there.
01-11-2003, 04:01 AM
Yes I felt exactly like you state. But keeping it a secret worked against me, because the only person I felt accountable for was me. Since I couldn't explain why I didn't want to eat that chocolate cake the guys would just keep offering. Plus there is something I have learned about goal setting.
1. Declare it- this shows your commitment to the idea
2. Make a plan
3. Set your own dealine- you create your own anxiety not driven by others
Now when the guys at work offer me a goody I say well that is just not on my diet menu and today is not a free day so I absolutely can't eat that. They don't ask again.
When it comes to progress I declare where I am at. For example I gained 8 lbs. during the holidays. I made no apologies. I said I gained the weight and would be taking it off before Jan 15th. I have since lost my holiday weight gain.
I declared it, made a plan, and set a deadline. I don't need anyone else making it harder for me to lose weight and in fact need all the extra support I can get. So go ahead, don't save that extra donut for me.
I hope you find this helpful.
01-11-2003, 09:51 AM
daners... yep!!! makes sense to me too!!! MAYBE enlisting support from someone around you who's in the same boat can help.
i am in a very strange work environment; out of about 45 people, 5 are men. that's right... overwhelmingly women. and i'm the heaviest one there, even after having lost 260 pounds, and i'm still losing. and everyone is watching her weight, but my biggest support comes from a woman i'm not all that close to. she is gorgeous in an upper-class snooty looking way, and has a total of 10 VERY FRUSTRATING pounds to lose.
i can always count on her for a vent, soothing comments, and when we have to order group lunches, she's always the first one to say that 'some of us can't eat that.'
so, all this to say that there could be some support in very surprising and unexpected places. what i've found is that as thin women get into middle age, gaining 10-15 pounds, they finally figure out what the rest of us have been suffering through, and they are so frustrated and angry... just like us!!!!
01-13-2003, 12:01 AM
I need the people around me to help police me. It's worked thus far.
There are still certain people who I don't share things with. And I eat lunch at my desk rather than have everyone in the lunchroom peek at what I'm eating.
01-13-2003, 01:30 AM
I know what you're all saying, and it's not that I have told no one. I've told 3 people: my mom (always supportive), and two of my best friends (both who are also fighting the battle of the bulge in their own way--and a much smaller battle than mine). I also work with both of these ladies. So I've got support.
I think deep inside, I really just want to find out when people really start to notice a difference. It's just that this is the first time I've ever joined a real program, not just doing some ridiculous thing I dreamt up or read somewhere, and I really want to succeed. I'm committed. I'm excited to find new foods to try, and I'm having a blast. Not really what I ever expected from being "in lifestyle training"
01-13-2003, 09:10 AM
My POV is more like yours, Daners -- I don't feel comfortable running around telling everyone that I'm on a weight loss plan. If they're not that close to you anyway, why should you feel compelled to share something like that with them?
I'm not knocking the idea of telling everyone -- it's just not for me. I don't want everyone and his brother policing me and every bite I put it my mouth ... And ultimately, the success or failure of my program is up to me and no one else.
And if people at the office are being nosy about my eating ... I would probably just say "I'm trying to eat healthier" or something like that. Certainly they can appreciate that, unless they're particularly obnoxious.
Now I've had certain people notice that I've lost weight, and either they'll give me compliment and leave it at that, or in a case or two they'll ask me what I'm doing (I usually find that comment from people who need to lose weight!) -- and for those people I will tell them.
So I guess what I'm saying is that it is entirely a personal thing deciding how many people to tell. If it helps you keep on track, then by all means shout it from the mountaintop. But if that makes you uncomfortable, keep it to yourself and among your close circle ...
01-13-2003, 10:50 AM
I tell very close friends - that way I know I will be supported when I fail (because I do fail!)
With others I don't say anything but if they ask I just say I'm trying to be more healthy.
In terms of people noticing a difference - I find that takes a lot longer then we want. People will notice your attitude change first (you are happier, more positive) then your weight lose.
I understand where you are coming from. You say... wow.. I've lost 20 lbs and no one can tell?! It's hard - but it will come.
01-13-2003, 02:10 PM
I'm funny with receiving support from people I'm not close to. Maybe you're the same way. When people notice I've dropped weight, I'm eating healthy or walking at lunch, they make comments like: Wow, you're being so good, are you on a diet? Are you trying to lose weight? etc etc etc.
My first reaction (being the sarcastic butt that I am) is to say, "Why, do I need to?" Which make the situation uncomfortable. But I don't want people making comments about whatever I'm doing. It is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
However, dieting becomes hard when food comes into the office, or lunch is ordered out, etc. I've taken a couple approaches. I've said I'm cutting down on my sugar/refined carbos/fat/dairy intake but it looks good, thanks. I've also declared myself on the un-diet. Eating for myself and not for a plan. Anyway, you get the idea.
I think it's important to let as many people know you're trying to lose weight as possible because it makes you feel accountable. But only people you trust. You don't need people eyeing your food or telling you what you need. But you do need support.
01-13-2003, 02:32 PM
Originally posted by Goddess Jessica
However, dieting becomes hard when food comes into the office, or lunch is ordered out, etc.
Yes. And I've been speaking up. It's easier to get everyone to agree w/you in January when everyone else is on their diets, too.
Friday we had an open house & "refreshments will be served". I called the woman & asked what that meant. She said "Cookies & punch". I asked, "Could we have a fruit tray or a veggie tray instead? We don't want people spilling punch all over the new equipment back there." And lo behold, we had a tray of fruit & a tray of veggies. :D
01-13-2003, 02:34 PM
i end up telling everyone, which backfires on me cuz i'd really love someone who doesn't know to tell me i've lost weight. sigh.
01-13-2003, 02:59 PM
I told very few people in the beginning, but now that I've lost some, I am more open about it. :)
01-13-2003, 03:12 PM
The same for me. Only a few people where I used to work noticed that i lost weight (and nobody where i work now). Just a few people know about it, a couple of choice friends and family members.
I guess i want to "surprise" people when I see them. I have a couple of friends whom I am going to visit sometime in the summer (i'm visiting a friend in CT and I'm going to visit a friend in NY). I hope by the end of the summer it will be quite noticable that i've lost weight. I guess I want to avoid the "fishing for compliments" syndrome if lots of people know i am trying to lose weight.
01-13-2003, 04:05 PM
I've found that during Thanksgiving (when I was on plan) people were weird about my staying on a diet. I didn't make a big deal out of it or ask anyone to fix anything different, I'd just abstain from certain things. Well-meaning people say things like, "It's OK! It's a special occasion!" I'd just smile and not say anything. They don't realize how many special occasions have made up all this fat on my body!
I've been on so many different diets, I don't TELL people unless they ask or it comes up because of my changing behavior. Until, of course, I start having obvious success. Then I want the world to know!
01-14-2003, 12:30 AM
my initial desire was to not tell people what was going on, but it was next to impossible for them to miss... i've lost nearly 100 pounds since they met me last april. so, there does come a point where you have to admit what's going on. the support, if it happens, can be a nice bonus [or a royal PIA]
01-14-2003, 03:28 AM
I'd rather not tell people that I am trying to lose weight ~ mostly this applies to work I guess. Because I feel like then they are watching me ~ what I eat and all. I am kind of shy and private, and hate doing anything to draw attention to myself, so this is really hard. The hardest part is when they bring food and offer to share it. And it is not just once in a while on special occasions (I think I could deal with that ok) it is all the time. And it is not that they are trying to to derail me or anything. They like to eat (they talk about having to lose a few pounds, but not nearly as many as I have to lose). They are just kind sharing people. I bring my own lunch, and I just feel that with the way my mind works, if I accept stuff other than what I have brought, my mind thinks I went off plan, and from there, goes to ~ well I guess I will blow the rest of the day, week, whatever. It takes very little for me to fall off the wagon, and then takes me forever to get back on again.
So, then I have to tell them no thank you, I am trying to cut down ~ need to do it for health reasons. They accept this, but then, they must be thinking and wondering that if I never eat the other stuff, why am I not losing weight. (Because I do good at work, it is after I go home, and when no one is around, that I get into trouble).
Sorry this was so long ~ thank you for letting me share. Sometimes it helps just to write about a thing.
Take care all ~ glynne (Gayle)
01-14-2003, 08:03 AM
all of this reminds me of a huge argument i had with a supervisor many years ago. i'd been a good WW, and was nearly at my goal... we had a party in the office, with donuts and all kinds of things i couldn't have. i made a HUGE mug of tea, and was clutching it in both hands for dear life. the supervisor offered me a donut,. i turned it down. and HE KEPT ON DOING IT! i left the room. he followed me - with the donuts.
after about 15 minutes of this, i told him to cut it out. i actually raised my voice and attracted attention!!! his response: 'i'm trying to test your will power.' mine: who do you think you are? what i eat or don't eat is none of your business and i've turned you down politely several times and that should be the end of it.
he went to MY supervisor to tell me that i owed him an apology. it's now, let's see... more than 25 years later. he's still waiting for it.
01-14-2003, 08:47 AM
Wow, Jiffy ~ what an increcible jerk and idiot that guy was. My co-workers offer me food, but they do it out of the kindness of sharing, and don't keep at me like that.