Weight Loss Support - Drat those temptations in the kitchen!




tricon7
06-23-2011, 11:53 AM
I had a mini-binge last night after doing so well all day long. :mad: My wife is overweight and doesn't really care what she eats, and she has all kinds of goodies laying around in the kitchen - a big bag of M&Ms, some Snicker-Doodle homemade cookies, chocolate-covered ice cream bars in the freezer (my personal downfall), homemade biscuits on the counter, and cooked-up bacon just lying there next to the stove(!) Egads! And to top it off, it was one of those nights when I was just plain starving before bedtime, and I had burned up all my alloted calories for the day by 8 p.m., darn it!

So I wound up eating things I ought not, but at least I didn't go crazy with it. I probably vacuumed up an additional 600-800 calories before bedtime. Maybe I should just look at it as my treat for the week - like Weight Watchers "discretionary points." I know the important thing is to hop back on the wagon and keep my eyes on the finish line. :ebike: And you know what they say about falling - analyze what happened so it won't happen again. In my case, I need to make sure I leave myself with enough calories before bedtime to kill that hunger craving so I won't be so apt to forage for forbidden foods.


berryblondeboys
06-23-2011, 12:01 PM
Also get yourself to the store and stock up on healthy snacks so that you can grab those instead.

I'm the cook in the house and have carb loving kids and mother in law living with us. I bake our own bread, baked goods and cook all meals from scratch. My snack drawer is filled with pretzels, gingersnaps, tostados, oreos and the cereal cabinet is a mix of sugared cereals and stuff like muesli.

I can't have any of that stuff. Yep, I bake the bread and don't touch it. I bake muffins (healthy whole grains for everything) and can't eat them. I made all kinds of things I can't eat. But, I have healthy snacks everywhere too - apples, cheese sticks, low carb protein shakes, protein bars and so on. It helps to have yummy things around to keep you from the things you shouldn't have (I have blood sugar issues so it's really a "shouldn't have").

April Snow
06-23-2011, 12:12 PM
also, are there things your wife likes but that you don't? I do buy treats for my (very skinny!) child but I buy things that I don't like at all so I am not even tempted! lol!


JayEll
06-23-2011, 12:14 PM
Maybe you could make a deal with your wife where she doesn't leave those things out! You know what they say--out of sight, out of mind. Not much can be done about the ice cream, but the other stuff doesn't need to be "laying around" in the kitchen.

Jay

claire0412
06-23-2011, 12:21 PM
Wow, to be honest I'd sit your wife down and ask for a bit of support. Even if she doesn't want to lose weight, she could at least not buy/hide those things to make it easier for you. I wouldn't put up with that. It is not as if you would be torturing your family by 'making' them eat healthily, so I'd go ahead and demand some support.

aimeebell
06-23-2011, 12:28 PM
Wow, to be honest I'd sit your wife down and ask for a bit of support. Even if she doesn't want to lose weight, she could at least not buy/hide those things to make it easier for you. I wouldn't put up with that. It is not as if you would be torturing your family by 'making' them eat healthily, so I'd go ahead and demand some support.

Really? I would never expect anyone else to modify their eating habits just because I was. Hide her food? Not buy what she prefers to eat? If someone had told me what I could eat, where I could store the food, and what I could buy when I was overweight, I would have told them to stick it. Besides, asking someone who is overweight to hide their food is really not encouraging good habits in THEM.
There is junk food in this house. It is totally my responsibility and under my control whether or not I choose to eat it. It's not on anyone else.

aimeebell
06-23-2011, 12:30 PM
And you know what they say about falling - analyze what happened so it won't happen again. In my case, I need to make sure I leave myself with enough calories before bedtime to kill that hunger craving so I won't be so apt to forage for forbidden foods.

Good plan and great attitude!

berryblondeboys
06-23-2011, 12:40 PM
Really? I would never expect anyone else to modify their eating habits just because I was. Hide her food? Not buy what she prefers to eat? If someone had told me what I could eat, where I could store the food, and what I could buy when I was overweight, I would have told them to stick it. Besides, asking someone who is overweight to hide their food is really not encouraging good habits in THEM.
There is junk food in this house. It is totally my responsibility and under my control whether or not I choose to eat it. It's not on anyone else.

Have to agree with that here. While I think it's great when a family does come together and want to eat better and live a healthier life, it's not unsupportive to not do so. I don't expect my family to give up carbs just because I can't have them. And most of what we eat is really healthy - the bread is whole graine. The rice is brown and so on, but it's still bad food for me.

Now, you could ask nicely that your wife make sure she put away the M&Ms and so on and maybe not store it in the same place as your healthy snacks, but beyond that, I wouldn't expect more.

time2lose
06-23-2011, 01:22 PM
Originally Posted by claire0412
Wow, to be honest I'd sit your wife down and ask for a bit of support. Even if she doesn't want to lose weight, she could at least not buy/hide those things to make it easier for you. I wouldn't put up with that. It is not as if you would be torturing your family by 'making' them eat healthily, so I'd go ahead and demand some support.

Originally Posted by aimeebell
Really? I would never expect anyone else to modify their eating habits just because I was. Hide her food? Not buy what she prefers to eat? If someone had told me what I could eat, where I could store the food, and what I could buy when I was overweight, I would have told them to stick it. Besides, asking someone who is overweight to hide their food is really not encouraging good habits in THEM.
There is junk food in this house. It is totally my responsibility and under my control whether or not I choose to eat it. It's not on anyone else.

Yes, really, just like I helped my spouse quit drinking by not keeping alcohol in the house. There are those of us who believe that we are addicted to certain foods, like sugar, just as some people are addicted to alcohol. Keeping certain foods around is just like setting a six pack of beer in front of an alcoholic and expecting them to just use will power to resist. I asked, not demanded, my husband and children for their help and they gave it to me. There were just a couple of items that I asked them to not bring in the house but we got containers to put the rest of their junk food in. We kept those temptations out of sight.

If you can't ask your loved ones for help, who can you ask? For many of us, this is not a matter of losing a few pounds so that we look better. It is a matter of quality of life or, possibly, life or death. I think that your family should care and be willing to help.

AriesNV
06-23-2011, 01:31 PM
Don't feel bad Tricon. Last night I baked choco chip cookies and HAD to taste test them before I let my really skinny boyfriend have them. I only tried 2...or 5..with a little cup of 2% milk. This morning I weighed a lb more, but I weigh myself every day, so who knows what it's from. I'm definitely focused, and not letting last night make me feel like I failed and I have to start from the beginning again (so to speak.) You just move on, because there's going to be a lot of temptations, goof ups and indulgences, but the goal is consistently thinking/acting healthy, not imprisoning yourself to a life of absolutely NO indulgences.

Redgrl
06-23-2011, 01:37 PM
I feel for ya! Hubby is better now but for years, he wanted high calorie, snacky foods around. Some things I just can't seem to resist if they are in the house. He doesn't have a weight problem and thought I should "just not eat it".

These days I manage (mostly) to not eat his chips because I buy them in the small bags for his lunch. He uses these to snack on at home sometimes too. I don't know why, but if there is an open bag of chips in the pantry, I just can't seem to control myself but I can leave the others. I leave them in the box or bag they came in so I don't see them every time I open the door. I know I'm spending a fortune doing it this way but it's better than having to struggle with it.

Maybe your wife buy her M&M-type stuff in the individual bags instead of big ones. As far as the other stuff, the only suggestion I have is to bag and refrigerate or freeze any leftovers immediately. Seriously, who can resist bacon leftovers? I can't! Last night we had enchiladas for dinner. They were Schwans so they were in a baking dish. As soon as I got ours out, I put the whole dish uncovered into the freezer. Then a few hours later I was able to pop it out of the dish and bag it for another meal. If I wait for it to cool down, I eat some before putting it away.

TL0812
06-23-2011, 01:38 PM
I agree you should be able to ask your wife for a little support. At the very least, she could not have the foods out in the open.

I think in order for somene to be truly sucessful in losing weight, they need to have a strong support system and an enviornment that supports their goals. There isn't just one food that he is trying to avoid there are many, that is just setting yourself up to fail. Perhaps you can talk to your wife and come up with something that works for both of you.

It's true that ultimatly you the choice to eat it or not eat it but I think I would be really upset if my husband brought home a bag of oreos and ate them in front of me. She doesn't have to chage her habits if she doesn't want to but being respectful and supportive is part of a healthy marraige.

Lori Bell
06-23-2011, 01:46 PM
My wife is overweight and doesn't really care what she eats, and she has all kinds of goodies laying around in the kitchen -

How long have you been on your program? ;) When I first started my weight-loss I was super-morbidly obese, and my husband was a meer few points into the overweight range. I could have blamed him for all the junk food laying around the house, but only the day before I was helping him eat it. It was not his way of life, but OUR way of life. All he knew at the beginning was "this time" was (probably) another one of my professed "I'm gonna lose weight and never do it" proclamations. LOL :D When he saw I was serious, and the pounds started melting away, he began to be much more supportive. But in the beginning, for all he knew, it was just another one of my sorry attempts for yet another diet. Do what you gotta do, and try not to blame anyone but yourself for your binging. She didn't force feed you did she?

Jelma
06-23-2011, 02:02 PM
How long have you been on your program? ;) When I first started my weight-loss I was super-morbidly obese, and my husband was a meer few points into the overweight range. I could have blamed him for all the junk food laying around the house, but only the day before I was helping him eat it. It was not his way of life, but OUR way of life. All he knew at the beginning was "this time" was (probably) another one of my professed "I'm gonna lose weight and never do it" proclamations. LOL :D When he saw I was serious, and the pounds started melting away, he began to be much more supportive. But in the beginning, for all he knew, it was just another one of my sorry attempts for yet another diet. Do what you gotta do, and try not to blame anyone but yourself for your binging. She didn't force feed you did she?

I completely agree, my boyfriend was the exact same way when I started. I can't count the number of times I said I was going to do, lasted a couple of days and then reverted back to old eating habits. His problem wasn't so much the junk in the house as it was the constant desire for us to go out to dinner which is where I lose my control much more readily. Once he realized I was serious he stop wanting to go out so much. Plus I am the cook of the house so I have control of what we eat which makes it so much easier.

You are ultimately the one that controls your weight loss, sure it would be easier if she didn't have the junk sitting out but it is simply an obstacle you have to overcome. Hopefully you will inspire her with your progress! Stay strong :)

aimeebell
06-23-2011, 02:12 PM
many of us, this is not a matter of losing a few pounds so that we look better. It is a matter of quality of life or, possibly, life or death. I think that your family should care and be willing to help.

Not that it should matter, but I actually have weighed just about the same as you weigh now. Does that make me better qualified or more entitled to respond on a weight loss board? No. I have my opinions on addictions of all sorts and feel that being "powerless" is a bunch of bunk. If we were powerless yesterday, we are powerless today, self-accountability.

That said, I really don't think the OP was really blaming the wife for the binge and was doing a good job of assessing why it happened and how to make it happen less in the future.

JayEll
06-23-2011, 03:42 PM
I'm not saying the OP's wife should not BUY those things or should not EAT those things. His diet should not affect her choices. But I'm saying that I don't see why food has to be lying out in the kitchen. Maybe it's just a cultural thing, but I never leave food sitting out unless it's cooling. As soon as possible, it gets put away.

Of course the OP is responsible for what he chooses to put in his mouth--it's just that the original description made it sound like his kitchen is a buffet! And it doesn't have to be that way.

Jay

aimeebell
06-23-2011, 03:57 PM
"]I'm not saying the OP's wife should not BUY those things or should not EAT those things. His diet should not affect her choices. But I'm saying that I don't see why food has to be lying out in the kitchen. Maybe it's just a cultural thing, but I never leave food sitting out unless it's cooling. As soon as possible, it gets put away.

Of course the OP is responsible for what he chooses to put in his mouth--it's just that the original description made it sound like his kitchen is a buffet! And it doesn't have to be that way."


The bacon and biscuits sitting on the counter still at bedtime gave me pause also. Having food visible doesn't bother me, but if it did, I certainly would clear it all up and put it away, and perhaps make separate food storage areas so I wouldn't have to look at it. I'm not saying we shouldn't help our family members in their desire to lose weight, just that we shouldn't judge and/or put upon on them the responsibility of doing it with us, if they aren't ready. Weight loss/weight gain is very, very personal to me. So, I am perhaps unusual in my not wanting or needing the support of others when losing weight. It isn't better or worse in general, just better for ME personally.

tricon7
06-23-2011, 04:08 PM
I've been on my weight-loss program since November, and I originally lost 27 lbs. (and was still going). But in April I moved for a job, and once I left my work/leisure "routine" and way of eating, I gained back eight of it. But I've managed to lose four lbs. of that and am planning to lose 12 more to reach my goal (I don't have near as far to go as some of you, but those last repositories of fat on my body are murder to get rid of).

My wife is very supportive, and I think she just forgets and leaves bad food lying around, since we have three small children whom she's constantly having to cook/provide for - and she's a stay-at-home mom, so things don't get shoved into the fridge perhaps as often as a wife who works.

I've been very (very!) careful to not mention to her anything related to her own weight - and it's not like she's not aware of it. But I do try and talk to her about my diet and exercise and hope it'll eventually rub off on her. She had actually gone on an extreme diet about nine years ago (under a doctor's supervision) and had lost 60 lbs. and was very shapely. She's since gained all of it back and is closing in on being sure-enough obese. I don't see any effort on her part to control her eating at all. She does want to exercise and isn't necessarily against dieting, but it's hard to exercise with three children under six to continually monitor, and her knees give her trouble. She did ask me yesterday when she was at Target if she could buy some nice walking shoes so she could start walking around in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, money is tight and I had to tell her no - that she'd just have to find another way to exercise.

I think that if my wife puts the fattening foods out of sight for me, my willpower should be strong enough to keep myself at bay, as long as I've set enough calories for myself to eat in the evening. Oh, btw, that part I posted above about not letting my wife buy the running shoes - I was kidding, hehe! Of course I want her to walk. If she exercises, she's more likely to watch her diet, too. Just havin' a little fun in the forum, don't yew know. :smoking:

berryblondeboys
06-23-2011, 05:19 PM
I've been on my weight-loss program since November, and I originally lost 27 lbs. (and was still going). But in April I moved for a job, and once I left my work/leisure "routine" and way of eating, I gained back eight of it. But I've managed to lose four lbs. of that and am planning to lose 12 more to reach my goal (I don't have near as far to go as some of you, but those last repositories of fat on my body are murder to get rid of).

My wife is very supportive, and I think she just forgets and leaves bad food lying around, since we have three small children whom she's constantly having to cook/provide for - and she's a stay-at-home mom, so things don't get shoved into the fridge perhaps as often as a wife who works.

I've been very (very!) careful to not mention to her anything related to her own weight - and it's not like she's not aware of it. But I do try and talk to her about my diet and exercise and hope it'll eventually rub off on her. She had actually gone on an extreme diet about nine years ago (under a doctor's supervision) and had lost 60 lbs. and was very shapely. She's since gained all of it back and is closing in on being sure-enough obese. I don't see any effort on her part to control her eating at all. She does want to exercise and isn't necessarily against dieting, but it's hard to exercise with three children under six to continually monitor, and her knees give her trouble. She did ask me yesterday when she was at Target if she could buy some nice walking shoes so she could start walking around in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, money is tight and I had to tell her no - that she'd just have to find another way to exercise.

I think that if my wife puts the fattening foods out of sight for me, my willpower should be strong enough to keep myself at bay, as long as I've set enough calories for myself to eat in the evening. Oh, btw, that part I posted above about not letting my wife buy the running shoes - I was kidding, hehe! Of course I want her to walk. If she exercises, she's more likely to watch her diet, too. Just havin' a little fun in the forum, don't yew know. :smoking:

Your wife will take on the journey when she is ready for it. That she mentioned shoes, she is ready for it at least at some level. If money is tight (so hard to know what is a joke and what is reality), find ways to save up for it - one less bag of chips. One less beer. Saving on gas money by running errands all at once instead of one at a time and so on. Running shoes would be my top priority if it were my spouse.

Which is the irony in my family. My husband is a tight wad, but he has said not a WORD and has only encouraged with anythign weight loss related. He knows in the long run it will save us money if I actually get more fit.

And about it rubbing off. I think it often does when there is no pressure. I started my journey with a HUGE job ahead of me, but very quickly my husband decided to take of 15 and to get more fit (he is already fine). he's now 2 pounds from his goal and is swimming a mile 3 times a week.

claire0412
06-24-2011, 06:04 AM
I still stand by my original point of view. I'm lucky because a) I do the cooking in this house normally b) my boyfriend doesn't really eat unhealthy food anyway but he does have a soft spot for sweet foods, just like me. Seeing as though I'm sitting around the house recovering from surgery, I asked him not to buy chocolate and if he does, can he keep it either out of my reach (not hard at the moment!) or take it to work and eat it there only. I think it's a fair enough request. Nobody has that kind of willpower that they can see all their favourite, fattening food on the kitchen worktop and won't eat it. He said yes, but if he had refused, I would have got really pissy because to me that is just selfish, unsupportive behaviour. It is not as if you're dictating what the person can eat, just where they can eat it.

I personally dread the day I have children and am just going to have to be the mean mum who won't give them sweets. But just like with my boyfriend, it's not as if they won't eat them at work/school/round other people's houses so I don't think it's that big a deal if there is an unhealthy food bad at home (as long as you don't sell it as a ban to children and cause an unhealthy relationship with food). Goodies are easier to regulate if you can only eat them when you go out to dinner/out for the day. It's an easy way to balance healthy eating and treats :s

Esofia
06-24-2011, 06:37 AM
I agree that asking someone to change their food habits for you is going too far, but asking them if they could put the sweets in the cupboard instead of leaving them lying out is reasonable. Would it help if you had a nice bowl of fruit sitting out, so that you would have something healthy to migrate to? Fruit is a lot more attractive to look at anyway, and certainly more eye-catching with all the bright colours.

I'm lucky: yes, my partner eats his fair share of unhealthy snacks, and remains slim regardless, but I'm vegan and he's not. Practically all of his snacks are things I can't eat, so I'm never tempted. When I first started dieting, he very sweetly asked if there was anything he could do to help, including not buying certain snacks. I thanked him and requested that we stop buying crisps for the time being, as that's one thing I usually can eat (it's still a mystery why so many flavoured crisps have milk protein added, but the plain ones are generally fine). So there were no crisps in this house for a while. I've been sticking to the diet surprisingly easily and not feeling the need to binge, so he's bought the odd packet of crisps and when he's eating a packet that happens to be vegan, I've sometimes had a single crisp. I wouldn't do that if I was having trouble with self-control in this area, though. Tortilla chips, however, are out of the question. I might be better with self-control now but I've always found it really hard to eat a small quantity of those, and the bags are always huge.

blueheron777
06-24-2011, 09:22 AM
It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can request your wife to keep the fattening goodies away out of sight AND you can take responsibility for what you put in your mouth. Having your own healthy snacks available will help in those gotta-eat-something moments.

If money is tight as you note, I have to wonder why any of it is being spent on empty-calorie, fattening snacks. Just saying.

I am almost at my goal weight and my morbidly obese husband is starting to adopt some of my healthy eating style. I never said a word about his weight and he now wants to be slim and healthy just from watching me.

All the best to you and your wife on your path to good health...sounds like she is starting to think about exercise, and food consciousness may follow.